Sunday, December 30, 2007

Twas the night AFTER Christmas...

So, as I sit here on the eve of New Year's Eve...I am reflective of all that has happened in my world this year. Some good....some bad.....but all apparently by the will of God. But I pause to think sometimes "did I CAUSE x,y,z to happen", or was it simply my actions that caused these things to happen.

In any case, things happen, friends die, babies are born, laughs and tears are shared amongst confidantes and the world goes on. But life is is VERY good and I try to never forget that.

While my husband and son are gone today, I have had the atypical chance to have the house to myself. And I have been sitting here and thinking about a resolute list of resolutions that I want to put together for the upcoming new year. I feel as though this year once again, has flown by and it seems that I have again, not accomplished some of the things that I wanted to this year. Maybe I am hard on myself, but I really want next year to be better than this year :-)

Boy time has a way of "slipping into darkness"!!LOL In my assessment of my life and what I want to do with it, I of course, must take my family into account, but being that they support me, I guess it may be just ME holding ME back!

***thinking to self..."hmmmmm".....***

So, I am about to put together a realistic list that I truly BELIEVE that I can accomplish after all there is nothing BETTER than the feeling of accomplishment.....I haven't felt that much this year, so..... we are off to the race folks!


What (if anything) are your plans for the new year?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Snow & Lack of Santa

Well, I don't know about YOU all's weekend, but mine has been ummm...interesting....

Well, to start, I tried to take the little one to see Santa at our local Hoighty-Toighty mall, The Somerset Collection. It's not that far from where I live and it has a BEAUTIFUL set in which Santa sits. It is the best of ALL the malls by far! Now.... ya'll that have been with me for awhile know that I am a budding photog, so that means I am not paying your extortive $10 for ONE picture with Santa... I will kindly plop my child on his lap and take the damn picture my-DAYUM-self and get 30 Christmas Cards printed from them at the local camera store (also located conveniently RIGHT in the same mall) for the same $10 (give or take a few dollars).

So. My girlfriend who's daughter used to go to pre-school with my son called me and asked if I would be willing to do just what I just described (we do it at Easter too) on Saturday, I said "SUUUURE... I have to take him anyway because we haven't been to see Santa". And as all of you parents know, since he is now 3 1/2 THIS is the year where he "gets it". Last year, kinda and year before, not at ALL. But THIS YEAR, we are SANTA ready baby!

So, after going to my OTHER girlfriend's house to take family Christmas pictures for her of she and her hubby and my Godchild, I came home, rested a minute and then trucked on out the the mall. We get there and I see this white guy that I work with, so we make chit-chat and I am like "yeah, we are here to take these two to see Santa". He goes "what time is your appointment?"

****record scratching *****

Me: what did you say??? Appointment?? You have to have an APPOINT.MENT to see frickin SAN.TA CL.AUS?????

Him: Yes, and we got our appointment for 6:18 THIS MORNING at 10:30!

Me: WHAT???? **thinking expletives in my head but refraining due to the gaggle of children in my midst**

Him: Yeah... you might not be taking any pictures today if you do not have that....

Me: uh.... yeah **looking at my girl whose mouth was agape in disbelief**

Now, my mind begins to race because I KNEW what he said to nbe true that there was probably NO WAY in HELL that we were sitting atop Santa's red velvet pants on THAT day! But the bad thing..... this year, he "gets it".... I KNEW that I was probably going to have to deal with him crying and SCREAMING since I had been telling him ALL DAY that we WERE going to see Santa!!!!

And furthermore , what happened to the "your ass just GOES and WAITS in line" like when I was a kid??? So, I go to the counter and this is the discourse between me and "santa's lil helper" at the counter:

Me: **looking at a sign that says "all of the appointments for pictures with Santa are filled for today..please come back tomorrow"** Oh, I see that all of the "appointments" are taken..... have you had any cancellations?

SLH: Well, the thing is that if someone doesn't come, the next people just kinda move up..... just like if they were in line, so there really are no cancellations, per se.

Me: Sooo...... why are there APPOINT.MENTS if there's no ability to cancel them? How can you have an up without a down? Maybe I am not understanding....

SLH: Well, if say you were unable to make it, the next family could just step up, so it's kinda on a first come first serve basis, and that is why we hand out the times to show up, so you won't HAVE to stand in line...even though the system functions like a virtual "line".

Me: **getting REAL irriatated** So, is there any way if someone DOESN'T come that I could just TAKE their slot???

SLH: Well, no....becuase other people have had their appointments for most of the day and we would just move them up.

***dead look***

Me: Ok. so... can I get an appointment for TOM.ORROW ?

SLH: Oh, well.... you have to come BACK first thing tomorrow morning to get the "appointment", we don't give them out in a day in advance.

Me: WHAT??? Are you serious?????? So, I have to come BACK just to get a ticket??? and then leave AGAIN and come BACK some 2, 3, 4-6 hours LATER????? That is the stupidest system I have even heard of!! People don't have time to keep running back and forth to a mall! That's rediculous!

SLH: **looking bewildered and speechless

Me: **to my friend** let's go..... ***to SLH***.... thank you.

Why did I feel like we were playing the charade of "Who's on First"!!!!!????? Can you say pissed??? I was so angry about that DUMB ASS system that they have to see Santa that I was like (in my mind) "Oh HELL NAW.... he may not be able to see Santa this year!" And I am holding to that shit. Who, but stay at home momma's have time to be running BACK AND FORTH to a frickin mall??

My mind quickly raced baclk to the little Santa-enthusiast holding my hand. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! Think fast....this boy is sabout to have a heart-attack.... I called my husband and he was like "tell him that Santa doesn't feel good and that we have to come back".

**blank stare**

Me: Are you SERIOUS???? Do you NOT know your dayum child????? He is TOOOO smart for that and you KNOW he is going to PROBABLY throw a tantrum and then we are gonna have to make our way to the bathroom for a "talk" (none of which I felt like dealing with at that moment as it was alomst 6:00pm)

Him: Give it a try.....

So..... I did and MIRACULOUSLY, it worked! My son was like "awwww poor Santa...we'll come back another day Mom". I was saying to myself " there are miracles"!

So, we trot on home and awake to this this morning:

This is my husband obviously in disbelief over how much HE has to shovel.....

And in case you were wondering no... I do NOT do snow (anymore that is).... I get all sweaty, fuck up my hair (because when I get hot and have on a hat, I sweat HORRIBLY in my head!!!) and I CANNOT do this short ass hair-do OVER. Besides, I TOLD him to get a snowblower..... hhmph.... I will NEVER EVER shovel any snow as long as I have him OR once this lil boy gets old enough! I used to help shovel it (sometimes BY MYSELF IF my husband was at work just because I knew that on a couple of occasions that he would NOT be home until late and that the snow would sit and become compacted from cars rolling over it and that is SUCH a pet peeve of mine!) the first two years that I was here, but now..... fuck it... that is the MAN'S roll to shovel that darn snow! Shit a couple times I was out there and straight UP felt like I was about to have a heart attack!!! SHIIII-IT !!!! Not anymore.... if that shit DOESN'T get shoveled, c'est la vie.... I am rollin over the shit until it melts, hell I have AWD!!!! LOL

Anyway.... it looks like he was getting a workout (hee hee).....

My only question was with this 10-14 inches that have fallen today...WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY couldn't TODAY have happened TO.MOR.ROW?????????????????????????????? DAMN weather! LOL

Sunday, December 09, 2007

All I want for Christmas is.....

I was pondering this the other day and came to the conclusion that I really want this Tiffany necklace and this digital camera. Ya'll heard me correctly.... another digital camera. I want this small camera so that when I go out I don't have to ALLLLWAYS drag the big dog out! I can just slide this into my purse or hell, my bra! (just jokes...but that's the reason I want another camera!

I haven't been taking many "professional" pictures of late as I have been an exteremly lazy ass in getting my "light bulb" replaced. This is the first time I will have had to replace it and it's like $20 a pop. Not much but I can't just go to the local wal-mart and get another one. I will either need to order a light or go buy one. Hence I have been lazy becuase I have not been to the camera shop to see if they have it and I really don't evne KNOW what it's called other than a 500W bulb. O.k.,so I wasn't THAT lazy... I DID order one from Ebay but I did not look at the SPECS on the dayum thing and it was the same look and SHAPE but about 6 times BIGGER than the one that I needed! DAYUUUUUUUUUM!!!! LOL

So, I need to get on my hustle game. With all the drama going on at work and just being drained from having to deal with MORE work and LESS money... my creative love for is still there, but the energy has waned a bit, but I am coming back....

Hopefully I will be FINALLY taking a class in photography this spring, so that willbe a help as well.

But that's not too bad of a wish list. The other thing , the limited Edition DOoney & Burke Hayden Panatierre bag in Red is SOLD OUT, so I can scratch THAT mug off my list.

So how about ya'll....what do ya'll want for Christmas?

Friday, December 07, 2007

Chicken Fried shit

Hey people! What's good?

I am in a good mood today though you might not know it by the post that it so follow, LOL. So, the other day this black guy that I work with came to me and had a few questions becasue he will be leaving the company because he didn't get a position that he interviewed for (the equivalent to what I do) and he was like "I have to be out.

So, here's the skinny... .this guy was working with the group that he would have been supporting in a new role, he was mature, had a master's degree and was very well suited to the position. It came down to him and three white girls. Basically, the white girl who was well liked by the HAIC (head ass in charge) was the one who got it. Now, I will say that I LIKE here, but I do NOT think that she was MORE qualified than old boy and I know and have worked with them BOTH! First off, her personality does not lend itself to the position (the position is one of basically being the police and making sure that while people are having fun, that they are "doing the right thing" and maintaining a semblance of order...since this typically is a pretty anything-goes type of environment)as she is DITZY-DINGY acting as HELL. BUT, the boss (who knows literally NOTHING about HR, yet was promoted into a high ranking position) LOVES her. Case closed.

I don't know why this insenses me the way it does...but it does. So I was talking to the black guy who didn't get the role and he said this:

"You know, I was watching this Bill Cosby special one day and he was talking about steak.... say I have this beautiful Ribeye, nice and fresh, I season it well, cook it on the grill, medium to medium well, it's juicy and looks scrumptious right? Do you want that steak? If you like steak you probably would say "Hell YEAH I want that steak!!" I am going to place this steak on a maggot encrusted garbage can lid as your you still want it?? You would say "Uh...that's O.K.". "

And my friend likened this story to our company.... and I agree....there are some reeeeally attractive things about our company and some REALLY good things in the way that they do things in general, but for real, for real.....the bad in SOME WAYS outweigh the good (e.g. the way there are NO people of color at the upper levels of management because the owner who started this 4,000+ people company has his "boys" and what-not up in those levels)

And that is but one of the reasons that I feel like with less than a year under my belt here....that it's time to go...because I really do not like eating chicken fried shit.

Friday, November 30, 2007

I am trying to live this .... cause I sho'll hope he closes up this WORK door at this place I work soon! I think I'd look FORWARD to that being a done deal!!! But I better be careful of what I ask for right? LOL


We need to learn to thank the Lord for closed doors just as much as we do for open doors. The reason God closes doors is because He has not prepared anything over there for us.

If he didn't close the wrong door we would never find our way to the right door. Even when we don't realize it, God directs our paths through the closing and opening of doors. When one door closes, it forces us to change our course. Another door closes; it forces us to change our course yet again.

Then finally, we find the open door and walk right into our blessing. But instead of praising God for the closed door (which kept us out of trouble), we get upset because we 'judge by the appearances'. And in our own arrogance...or ignorance, we insist that we know what is right.

We have a very present help in the time of need because He is always standing guard. Because He walks ahead of us, He can see trouble down the road and HE sets up road blocks and detours accordingly. But through our lack of wisdom we try to tear down the roadblocks or push aside the detour signs. Then the minute we get into trouble, we start crying 'Lord how could this happen to me?'

We have got to realize that the closed door was a blessing. Didn't He say that 'No good thing will He withhold from them that love Him? '

If you get terminated from your job - don't be down, instead thank God for the new opportunities that will manifest themselves - it might be a better job, or an opportunity to go to school. If that man or woman won't return your call - it might not be them, it might be the Lord setting up a roadblock (just let it go).

One time a person had a bank he had been doing business with for many years tell him 'NO' for a $10,000 loan. The Lord led him to call another bank. That bank approved a $40,000 loan for him at a lower interest rate than his own bank had advertised.

I'm so grateful, for the many times God has closed doors to me, just to open them in the most unexpected places. 'The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way.' (Psalms 37:23) The mountain top is glorious, but it is in the Valley that I will grow!

Always Remember God gives you...
Enough Happiness to keep you Sweet
Enough Trials to keep you Strong
Enough Sorrows to keep you Human
Enough Hope to keep you Happy
Enough Failure to keep you Humble
Enough Success to keep you Eager
Enough Friends to give you Comfort
Enough Wealth to meet your Needs
Enough Enthusiasm to make you look forward
Enough Faith to banish depression, and
Enough Determination to make each day a better day than the last.

Life must be lived forward but can only be understood backwards.
Commit to the Lord in whatever you do and your plans will succeed.
(Proverbs 16:3)

Monday, November 12, 2007


I just figured out why I have been feeling the way that I have about my job. Why I am scared.....

I am constantly being asked to do more (i.e. I just had to work on this past Saturday...(yeah ya'll I did it), create a training module, being the facilitator of two other training classes (other peers are too) ) and I feel that I am not getting the money I deserve.

My girl who works with me and is in charge of almost ALL of the increase letters (EXCEPT for HR) told me that she was talking to my boss the other day about the new position that is now open on our team because someone left. Well... my boss said "I want the new person to come in in that "jr.role" like we had (me) do...even though she (me) got thrown into a "real" role and did not do the jr. position for long....."

Oh squo? I am doing the work ,have been doing the work and you realize this and yo BLACK ASS (she is black if I hadn't mentioned that before) ain't trying to get me paid (like you promised when I TOOK this job????)

Well, I guess the old addage is true..... you have to FIGHT for yourself! And now we are at the crux of the reason I am scared. I am scared that if I fight for this, bringing this up when this company is being SUPER cheap and we STILL are not doing ANY hiring except for in other states, that IF, JUST IF I am not given my just due (and being that I am armed with the secret knowledge that someone who does what I do, just had THEIR pay bumped up),IF, JUST IF the answer is no.....

I am scared that my attitude will be SO BAD that it will be evident and that I will start a downward spiral towards being "one of those employeees". You see.... you can only get over on the back of MY works for so long now that I am older. The older I have gotten, the SHORTER my tolerance is for mess like that! And I have HAD it with this company making changes LITERALLY like people change their fucking underwear and having the "you outta be HAPPY we kept you around" attitude about every.single.worker up in here!

So.... I am scared that IF I am not given my just due in the way of CASH, that until I find another job that I will not be able to HIDE my anger and resentment. I do not want to do it, but I know me and it will be EXTREMELY difficult for me to keep being REQUIRED (not given the option) to do shit and not have an attitude! I know me.... I have lived with me for a long time and now is NOT the time to get a new job (around X-mas it is ALWAYS harder to find a new job because in corporate america, it's the end-of-the-year). I do not want to get fired, but I will be very upset if this does not go my way (which I am really doubting it will given trend predictions of late).....

And I am scared that I will not be able to hide it......

Thursday, November 01, 2007


Well, me & my husband went out for the first "real" Halloween with my son. The reason I say first "real" Halloween is because he was not quite "understanding" the fun of it all last year.

So, up until the LAST 2 hours before I went to pick him up from school, I was having the "what the hell are we gonna do with him and where are we gonna take him" conversation with his Dad! We live in a suburb, and it is a predominantly black middle-class suburb righ outside of Detroit. But the thing is, these nig-ro's don;t trick or treat much around here! wtf???? I guess technically I am no better because there was NO ONE at my crib handing out candy either!

We ended up calling our friends who used to be neighbors that lived directly across the street from us and went to therir "new", more upscale neighborhood. Well, they have an 18 month old girl, so they were going trick or treating too, so we decided to tag along! It was Batman and the Ballerina! lol !

The ballerina and Batman!

Can I tell you that there were soooooo many houses to trick or treat from in their subdivision that we got tired and eventually called it a night??? That and it started to rain a little bit and though I had come prepared ( I CANNOT be caught in the rain....not with this short-ass hair cut that I CANNOT re-curl my dayum self!)we were done and my little one told me "O.K. Mommy I am ready to go back and have some pizza! I am like why is it that the black ass neighborhood (which is a nice area too) that I live in not involved in the trick or treating??????

But check it.... whyyyyy did this child want to stop and look at what he got after EVERY person handed him he was a dayum inspector! THEN!!! (oh lawd) we went to this one guy's house (it was actually the last house we went to) and he was giving out small bags of pretzels. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY did my son say "I don't WANT any pretzels" and went to place them BACK in the basket!!! I wanted to faint. I grabed them before he did and was trying to say "we will take them and eat them later" (because he had JUST eaten some earlier that day when I piked him up from school!!! WTF??????LOL). Don't you know this boy went and tried to take them AGAIN and put them back!!!! I snatched him off that porch and pinched the SHIT outta him as our friends daughter and other kids distracted the scene I was having in the dimly lit foliage away from this man's door! I said "you don't EVER act ungrateful when someone giveds you something!They do not OWE you ANYTHING!!! You WILL take it and you WILL say thank you (which he is very god at anyway) and you will NOT ask for anything else!"

On The Hunt for Candy in October!!!

I was so mad I coulda spanked him right there! I know he's only 3 and (almost)1/2, but still! I was outdone! So.... that was our evening! We went back and ate pizza and of COURSE he went to bed LATE as crap, so I wil be letting him sleep late :-)

Tired Mommy and WIRED Batman!!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

You married who???

Me and my husband and the little one went to a birthday party yesterday for one of my son's classmates. Now this classmates Mom went to high school with me and is either 1 or 2 years older than me.

So we get there and we go downstairs, see other parents we know and start chatting in general.. all of a sudden, I see this man....who was the father of this guy that I grew up with. You see, I lived in an apartment building growing up, and the son lived there with his Mom and StepDad, so we were cool even though he was like 4 years older than me and you KNOW at that age (teenage years) that 4 years DO make a difference, so though we were cool, we didn;t really start having "real conversations until I was in high school and would see him at parties,etc.


So we're sitting there and when this man peeks his head around the corner, I recognized him instantly! Top that off with the fact that the man (we'll call him Cool Daddy) was ALSO one of my 9th grade teachers at my high school! So, I knew him VERY well!

So, I am tripping right?! I go to the mother of the son that was having the party and say "Was that Cool Daddy I just saw????" She says "Yes!" and then looks a little worried, as I am standing there saying "oh my God, I can't believe it! I am tripping that that is Cool Daddy!!!" So she says (with a slightly fading smile at this poinit) "Yeah... is everythign o.k.?". So then I snapped out of my reverie and said "Oh, yes! No... I was just tripping because I haven't seen him in so long and he was my teacher and I know his son."

She smiled and I said "So... is that your father?"



"no...that's, my husband"

***CRASSSSSH****(that was the sound of my face falling on the floor and CRACKING)

I was so embarassed and then one of her APPARENTLY GHETTO-ASS co-workers (the host is not ghetto at ALL or by any stretch of the imagination!) said "Did she say what I said..DID SHE SAY THAT???? HAAAA hAAAAAA!!!" I wanted to slap her dumb ass for calling EVEN MORE attention to it!! Apprently, this co-worker has been working with her for awhile and apparntly SHE said the same thing YEARS ago when she met her "husband" ! I wanted to die. My husband said (when I told him what had happened) "well, I guess YOU won't be invited over again!" (I wanted to slap him too!)

So, here's the skinny on this: This TEACHER was always RUMORED to be fucking around with UNDERAGE girls back when I WAS in high school! It was alleged that he flirted and had sex with high school girls. I never actually KNEW someone who he had been with, but my girl, Dr. Diva said the same thing(cause you KNOW I called her as SOON as I got home to tell her!). She also called her Dad and brother and Mom (who worked for the school board AND knew him too) and her Dad said that he had "heard" about him doing the same type of shit after he left the school. We always heard stuff like that and I actually think he may have been eventually FIRED because of his behavior. My thing is: Didn't chick that he is marreid to hear this????? She was there when I was there too!!!! If she didn't she had to have been under a rock! Because though our school was big...."things" about teachers who were "not right" floated aroudn quicker than a wildfire spreads! I have also heard some other ill shit that is "purported" to have taken place with young-ass girls (i.e. 20-30 years YOUNGER than him)after he left the school..... dunno.... I hope for her sake that he has stopped his philandering ways!

But I felt bad because the whole "daddy" thing was second nature for me to say! He is old as CRAP! He has a son that is either 40 OR 41 and a FOUR YEAR OLD!!! WTF?????? WOW. Oh, and chick DID let me know that though she was trying to 1/2 ass "fake it" in words like it was all good, that she DID have a tude behind my saying what I said!

But in the words of Dr. Diva, "That chick HAS to get that shit ALL the time... and she KNEW that he was a popular teacher and she should EXPECT that shit when she maarried an old ass nigga anyway!"

I rest my case and don't feel bad AT ALL since she brought me back to reality!!! LOL

But still... WOW.... you married WHO???????????????

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Black African Bootyscratchers?

Why is it that some men look at certain aspects of grooming as "un-manly". By this I mean, getting a their nails trimmed and feet groomed. Or it could mean getting a facial and just being neat and clean. Just keeping neat in general! But for real, my REAL pet peeve is hairy PITS and hairy BALLS! Now I am by NO means saying you need to go Brazilian waxing these areas, but what is wrong to trimming them and KEEPY them trimmed to about 1/2 an inch worth of hair??? It takes 2 seconds to buzz them pits and about 2 minutes to do the balls! I'm just saying ya'll..... keeping that shit cut will keep BACTERIA out of YOUR shit too!!! Hair holds BACTERIA (lok it up...any bacteriologist or run of the mill doctor will tell yo ass that shit, if you doubt what I am saying!) Yeast infections are NOT fun! Keeping your hair cut (upstairs AND below) is a MUST for me!!!

I know that in the archaic days that being a man meant having the requisite neanderthal BUSH under your arms and around your damn balls (I am SURE that shit served puroposes when there was no SOAP and WATER and shit, but NOT now)!!! I cannot STAND a whole swath of hair around a man's "franks and beans"!!!! It LOOKS nasty and the shit HOLDS DIRT, ODOR and BACTERIA! UGH!!!!!!

I could NOT be with a man who had a problem taking care of these areas!!! Ya know... wearing CLEAN clothes that aren't all fucked up and holy or wrinkled all to hell.... as well as keeping your hair cut AND brushed/combed!!!!I just couldn't be with someonw who didn't take enough pride in himself to do these things! I keep MYSELF washed, groomed and combed, and so should YOUR ass if you are my mate! For real ya'll! I TRULY believe in "metrosexual" not meaning HOMOSEXUAL!!! Men that think so are probably CLOSET gay anyway as far as I am concerned or too damn caught up in stereortypical "idea" of what a man should or should not be like. **shaking my damn head** Do these "cavemen" not realize that women WANT a man who takes care of themselves just like ya'll want someone who takes care of HERSELF!

Grooming is not just for women people! I have had some funky-balled negroes in my time and it really did TURN me off!!! Thankfully, there haven't been many....but I repeat I would NOT be with one who didn't take prode in themselves.

Get it together guys! (at least the ones of you to whom this applies!) We expect and deserve better! LOL

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Friday Night TV

Hey there!

Me and my gurls went out AGAIN.... this past Friday. We went to the SAME club/sports bar that we went to last week and had a blast again! See below:

(DIVA, Me , Tee)

But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy was I looking all "greasy" and my girls were looking cool and colleceted??? because MY DUMB ass wore a dayum SWEATER up in that joint and it was hot as hell on fire!!! LOL

This was a lil different though because there were waaaaaaaaaay more people there because it was the "2nd" grand opening of the place! So there were people wall-to-wall.

Good times were had by all! I saw some people I haven't seen in a WHILE and had fun chatting it up with them!

On the job front, I still have not found another job, but I am still looking. I am also seriously contemplating REALLY trying to expand my photography ability and go ahead and take some classes and go ahead and get my photography business going.

My husband pointed out something that my best friend and a few others have said: You don't LIKE working a 9 to 5 for someone else! While that is true, I struggle with the who idea of being able to do what I want to do and have the lifesyle that I have while trying to "build" my photography. I CANNOT stop working! For real.

So, while I like "some parts" of HR, I want to hone my photography and get better at that and make THAT my livelihood. I was looking in Black Enterprise last night and this girl made a shop that is a nail/pedicure salon into this cute, eclectic spot in Brooklyn!! Now THAT is what I am talking about!

Moving on and into something new (while also looking for a new 9to5 in the meantime! I mean a sista GOTTA eat!!) LOL

Sunday, October 14, 2007

One of them nights!

"It's the good life....let's go on a living spree...they say the best things in life are free...The Good Life, it's feels like Atlanta, it feels like L.A. , it feels like Miami..." - Good Life-Kanye West

These FAT-ASS Amethyst Louboutin's-The Good Life Indeed

Hot dayum ya'll! Me and my girl hung out on Friday and had a CERTIFIED.BLAST!!! When I tell you I had so much fun with her that it ain't even FUNNY..I'm for real folks! Here's the deal.... I only have a FEW female friends and one of them (my girl Jen) is outta town, and the other's usually have busy social schedules and things to do or just don't feel like hangin when I do.

So, me and Diva had both gotten our hair done earlier, put on a lil lipstick and got ready to hit the town! We KNEW we were cute too! LOL She was flossin in her hubby's brand new black on black Lincoln MKX crossover and we were out! Where to go? We don't go out that often, so we really do NOT know of that many places, and also I do NOT wanna be near the 20-28 year olds either. Too young for me. So, we hit up a place that used to be a bar/club that was recently revamped into a sports bad and is owned by this guy who owns the salon where I get my hair done occasionally.

So, though we hadn't gon out in a while, me & Diva like this place and dedcided to go there or at least start there. But you see.... my girl, DIVA and I go waaaaaaaaaay back on the hang tip and whenever we hang I have a blast!! It just felt so good to have some drinks , some laughs and some fun in a social environment! I like , literally, almost NEVER do this anymore!

Then one of my BEST male friends, who goes waaaaaaaay back with me, MH, came down to the spot we were at, so we DEFINITELY had a blast. It's cool to go out with your husband, but since Diva and I haven't been out since I think LAST YEAR, it was overdue and DEFINITELY needed! Typically when we go out, I do not drink because I am ALWAYS.DRIVING. Diva usually does NOT drive because she be like "i don't know where I am going..." ...mmm-hmmm.... I can see why she does this: SO THAT HEFFA CAN DRINK!!!! I hardly EVER drink, but I must admit a few just loosen you up and help ya ass RELAX! Literally, I think the LAST time I had a drink was about 3 months ago and THAT was a Hummer (kahlua and ice cream). Well, not tonight babe! I had a NICE set (yes I said set) of drinks and she was the responsible one and only had a couple! I got a niiiiice buzz going and we kicked it and talked shit! We ended up just eating and chilling there all night.

The bar/club that we were at had some bangin music that was old school meets new school/meets my kinda groove!!!

And Diva understands me, that is why it is SOOOOOO much fun going out with her!!! Her husband always says (who is a friend of mine and how I met Diva in the FIRST through THIRD place!) "When ya'll get's gon be some TROU-ble, TROU-ble!!!". If we weren't such good women, it would be.....lemme tell you. Me and Diva ALWAYS say "If I knew THEN, what I know NOW.....baaay-be...." LOL But serously. Diva is always there for me and I for her. We are very much alike in so many ways and I am so glad I met her!

And at the end of the night, this guy that I was sitting next to (but really had not even SPOKEN to) PAID our bill !!!!! WTF???? I was like "than you so much...what's your name?" He told me and come to find out me and him went to ELEMENTARY school together (yeah, I have a memory for things like that)!!!! I had not seen him SINCE then as we went to different schools after elem., but his face was the same! He said that once I started talking he remembered me as well (I too look the DAMN same since I was what...3 weeks old??lol) And get this, there was a guy who came over while I wasx talking to the guy sitting next to me and told Diva "I wanted to pay for your drinks and food, but the waitress told me that it had already been taken care of". Well, al-fucking-righty then!!! I guess me and Diva still got it!

And on Saturday, me and Diva and her hubby and his family went to see "Why Did I Get Married?" and let me tell you, if you like Tyler's movies, you'll love this one. I think this was the best one YET! My girl Angie in the movie was OFF DA CHAIN!!! I leaned over and told my husband "THAT'S yo momma!" LOL Cause on the Lo-Low.... I could SOOOOOOO see his momma going the FUCK OFF on a bitch like Angie did in some of those situations! LOL

We came home and today I have just chilled out and relaxed. Right now, my fam is watching football at a friend of my husband's house. He takes my son because there is a boy his age there, so EVERYBODY has fun and Momma has a few hours to fuckin chill by herself since I STILL HATE football. Don't get it twisted....

Still high off the weekend and Diva..... I'm STILL fucked up! LOL

Carry on people!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Sexual playthings and brokeness

Hey folks!

I will start by saying that I am so broke. Really broke. I am trying to be more positive and trying to use

If you are not up on this , get up on it here..... I need to use this more as I am just wondering when my "day" will come for the positive. I don't get paid until Friday and I am ALREADY "borrowing" against some of my future monies and will be on a TIGHT-ASS budget (tighter than a hooker's garter belt!)!!!!

This is sad. But I am grateful because my husband, blessed soul that he is has taken a bill that I used to pay and he is going to pay it (yeah,we are on each other's accounts, but we have seperate accounts...the ones we used to have before we were married...) to allow me some breathing room. I am also going to pay off one of my credit cards with some $$$ from savings so that will put some $$ back into my pocket on a monthly basis. But all in all, I am broke. I drive a banging car, have a cute (although small) house, but I am broke. I need a flippin salary increase or a new job BAD! I am trying to focus on the positive (i.e that I have a job and that life hasn't changed REDICULOUSLY. For that I am happy.

But I need more. More money that is.....

WTF???Family store?

Can somebody tell me WHYYYYYYYYYYY this
"Personal Massager" was online at ?????? I have not seen this in the store (thankfully), but am I the ONLY one who finds selling a DILDO at a run-of-the-mill drug store???!! I guess pleasuring ones self just became more accessible boys and gals!! **smh** But I guess since there is the "KY-hot and spicy" (or whatever the name of that stuff is) that is sold and condoms and all kinds of other stuff.... it just seems a little "Fredricks"-like to me!!! LOL

Tell me

Tell me if I am wrong for feeling this way:

So... my boss comes to us (her team) and says the following:

"well, because there have been issues on the weekends (because people here work like HEBREWS typically Saturday or Sunday every week), I am thinking that it would be a good idea for us all (there are nine of us) to ROTATE being here on a Saturday or a Sunday....if we ALL do this, we will only have to do this once every 9 weeks...and the upside of this is that you will get a weekday off when you work on that Saturday or Sunday". Now I was off last Friday because I was sick and she apparently sent some e-mail saying this and other's got to ruminate and then react. So when she asks me, I was in a room, by myself with her and I was trying my HARDEST to stifle the "fuck you...are you fucking serious" look that I felt trying to escape from every pore in my face!

My reaction (internally): "HELL FUCK NO!!! I do NOT want to come in here on the weekends! Not even if it IS only once every 9 weeks! NO! My reaction to her after acting like I was really "thinking" about it: "I'll think about it...I AM planning on going back to school..blah. blah.blah...and Saturday classes MAY be something I would do...blah.blah.blah....".

Whatever. I would never take a Saturday class unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. I just couldn't come up with anything else with her sitting there looking at me like a dog waiting for a treat.

#1, my husband works late and I already do NOT get to see him until late most nights #2 that means half of the time I can spend with my family will be cut OUT and my weekend broken up on said weekend. Even if I get Monday off , it won't seem like I had the equal number of days off becuase they a broken up! and #3 even though my husband is as MUCH a parent to my child as I am, because we have no family support, that means that one of HIS weekend days would be with no rest and no break.#4 I just don't want to INCONVENIENCE myself for what.... the $8,000 salary DECREASE that I got! Oh, and it looks like most of the other 9 people have said that they are GAME AND READY to do it.... I guess I would be the lone dissenter.

So, when she hears my dismay and potential "no" looming , she says "well, it's o.k. if you can''s not's TOTALLY optional...". mmm-hmm...i know, i know...she MAY look at this pejoratively.**shrug**

And I'mma tell you the truth people, my REAL BIG, FAT, NASTY, HAIRY reason for saying NO is because you all are NICKEL AND FUCKING DIMING me on my money! You cut $8,000 and I was supposed to be in a "jr." position , and all of a sudden a "shift" in everyone's responsibilities has occurred and I am being PURPORTED to be in a "full" position! Granted, I have less problems to deal with daily than the other "full" position holding team members do, but I am also going to be taking on being a "backup" to another location because the person who was at that location si being shuffled to ANOTHER location! So, we'll be "sharing" the load.

No problem.

I have NOOOOO problem with the work.






You want me to sacrifice and do more and take MY TIME away to flip-flop and be "oh-so-available" and at ya'lls whim??? Well, FUCKING pay my ass!

So my feeling is until you DO SO..... FUCK.YOU. I am NOT coming in here not ONE weekend day, even if I do get another one off! You ask for lots from people but give nothing in return.

Am I wrong??? I would like to get ya'll's honest opinion and feeling on this....come one lurkers..... speak up too! TS? Diva?? What'cha'll think?


Saturday, October 06, 2007

Joni Mitchell never lied....

You may never see this, but one day, ALL things come full circle and you WILL realize that you don't know what you got til it's gone.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

For the love of Money.... or lack thereof...

I love this picture because it sums up how I've been feeling. In general, fuck it. I am so broke with this new "salary" (if you didn't read the previous Salary was REDUCED by $8,000 a year)that it isn't funny.

Me & my husband argued yesterday about money and our "budget" and what needs to change(all day during work mind you) and I am so tired of thinking about it. I just need to find another job that pays me what I need to be paid. All this is coming about (mostly) because in the last year my salary has been reduced by $15,000 a year and we have absolutely NO room to do SHIT at this point!!! No room to take a trip, no room to save, no room to do ANYTHING! Hell, until my salary goes back up I stopped my 401k deduction! (say what you will, but I NEED that money right now, and though after taxes it's less, it still makes enough of a difference for me to justify doing it until I can figure out a way for my salary to increase).

He says "things need to change" and I say " we still have to live". It's not like we eat Chateaubriand & Lobster served with a fine vintage wine every night! And it's not like this will be forever. What it IS, it that we have a child in daycare, we have a HIGH AS HELL house note, we have 2 cars notes(I for one LOVE my car and am NOT giving that bitch up, nor can I because it's a lease), and student loans that total about $650 a month! He talks about "stuff we need to decrease" and all I can see are the 3 credit cards that need to be decreased, but that is a project.... not a "we can pay them off right now" type of thing. Yeah,o.k...... I'll be honest.... there are a few things that can be decreased as well (i.e the cable, shopping for clothes, cell phone bill,etc.) but in general, MOST of our costs are fixed (i.e. house, water, electric, gas, student loans, our son's daycare cost,etc.)!!! He is feeling stressed and this is stressing me out. Badly. One thing I DO know is this: if this company doesn't shit or get off the pot SOON..... I am out. Maybe sooner than later, becuase I want to NEED TO make more freakin money!

I am still looking for a new job and need to get moving on this front! QUICKLY. I know it will come and I am just staying prayerful because I am tired of going seemingly BACKWARDS in my career over the past freakin year!


Lata ya'll.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Reality or fiction?

People, I LOVE reality TV..... from Real World to The Biggest Loser to Extreme Home Makeover to College Hill to Run's House to Supernanny to Wife Swap to The Great Race to Being Bobby Brown to I Love NY/Flavor of Love/Charm Schol to Life with the Christies (which I only saw ONE episode because I can't get the damn channel on my cable that it comes on ....grrrrrr)...I LOVE THEM ALL!!!!

I think that it is something about (alot of) us that makes us watch. It's like we are voyeurs into a world which we would never be allowed into otherwise. It gives us a glimpse into people characters and allows us to zone out. It makes celebs more real and lets us know that the things we do are NOT so out there azfter all or that we are waaaaay more grounded than we ever thought! LOL It's fabulous!!! Now... My husband would just say " ain't NONE of just NOSEY!" And maybe I am.... I am a voyeur by nature. I could go to the mall and just sit there (if no one could see me) and look at and critique the folks that walk by. Hell, I KNOW someone is critiqing ME!!! So, why not get my critique on???? LOL

There are some good ones coming out soon and here is one. It'll be on VH1.....I will have to find out when it's gon be on.... I can't wait! LOL


Sunday, September 23, 2007

Off to see the wizard....

So... you all know I work in HR, right? Well, here's my dilemna.... I do not always "want" to "follow the rules". I am really a person who thinks that at certain times, rules SHOULD be broken! I am not a "goody-goody" kind of person either. This is kinda anti-thetical to I guess what you could call "the code of the HR person". I have written about this before because it is constantly being tested.

I likened it to being the person who has seen what is behind the wizards cloak from The Wizard of Oz and just like in the movie, it ain't that great.

We in HR are looked to to be the "shining examples" of "rightness" and that is what MOST HR muthafucka's purport to be. But rest assured, they got shit in they draws JUUUUUST like you do ! LOL Lookie here....I am just a person and I am NOT exempt from being pissed, and not in agreeance with management and NOT wanting to follow every rule to the letter. I am NOT the damn role model for everyone. I am just a person, an employee, juuuust like ya'll truth be told.

This dichotomy. It really does vex me to my SOUL...for real!

I guess it has to do with my having seen what's behind that damn wizards cloak that I've seen. HR people are some of the MOST horrible violators of what "should be done". I have seen people get $20K raises when others are being laid off, I have seen others not get a $2K raise (that was justified by the work she was doing) and it be justified on BULLSHIT, and in general, I have seen people FIRED because of the fact that they were not "nice enough" (notice: I didn't say he did ANYTHING wrong or was rude or inappropriate) and did not look the other WAY with a BIG WIGS wife when she tried to violate site policy...WTF??? Squo???? Word. Tthat's some BULLSHIT. And in general,I have seen that if you are white, in America, just about every fucking rule can and WILL be broken for yo ass if need be.

I say all that to say that I do like being in HR, because I do think that rules & policy is necessary, but when these "supervisors" get all "holier than thou" I wanna bust em in their fuckin' jaw! Because it is a buncha SHIT!

I'm the kinda bitch that if I really trusted you, I would let you take a sick day and if you were all out, I may not "record" it. I would probably ONLY do it for a black person that I trusted however and woukd STRAIGHT UP deny and disavow the agreement if it came out....."what are you talking about".....they do it.... why can't I? The shit I have seen white folks get away with is sickening and it makes me cynical of them ALL (and some black folks too) at work.

But how does this affect me at work? It makes me not care about what people do if I can get away with it sometimes. Depending onn what it is and who knows about it...I really DO NOT CARE! The truth is, this job doesn't care about ME except for in the " how can yo BLACK ASS help me toward my next BILLION dollars" kinda way. ANd it's not just THIS company, it's all of them. The older that I have gotten, the less respect I have had for MOST companies in general because I know that I am expendable and if you think that YOU are not too, you are fooling ya'self son.

Just my .02 cents

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Good Life

I am addicted to Kanye's new song "Good Life" has a sample of Michael Jackson's "Pretty Young Thing" and it is rockin!!! I actually like him anyway, so I figured his new album would be good (let's not talk about the temper tantrum at the awards though.....LOL)

Anyway, as far as the job goes, I woke up with this stress-tension pain going across my shoulder blades. No doubt a result of my inability to not ba a tense person. My husband rubbed my neck some and it feels a little better, but it's still there. I feel like I need some Icy Hot or something! **sigh**

But in light of all that I am complaining about, I think it is fitting to tell you all the things that I DO like:

* Getting up in the a.m. (or p.m. or whenever) and being able to walk, talk, see and hold my little one.

* I am thankful for being "relatively" healthy(need to stillllllllll lose some weight) but I am thakful for my health

* My new car. I REALLY love my new car. Cars are a BIG deal to me because I feel that I want to feel a certain way and have a certain level of comfort when I have to be in this thing EVERY.DAY, twice a day or more. Now.... I will not mortgage my HOUSE to pay for a car, but I want it to be nice and have toys and bells and whistles in it. So, with that said, my new car doesn't have ALL the bells and whistles, btu it has enough and it has plenty! I know lots of people (my mother for one) feel that a car is "a way from A to B" and that is fine. But please do not dog me because I like to do a bit'o "stylin" in my car. I feel like my car NEEDS to be an extension of my taste and self. (i know this is a long explanation on the whole car subject, but I really do love my car and it makes me HAPPY everytime I get into it!)

* My Son.I love to see my son smile and hear him tell me "mommy , I know that because I am a smart kid". I just laugh and PROMPTLY tell him "uh... you aren't THAT smart buddy" **all the wile thinking "yeah, you are a bright kid , but i don't want you to get ANY KIND of big head at the damn age of 3!"LOL.... He has had too many people telling him that and while it is good to think that you are smart and build self-esteem, I also do not want him to EVER be too arrogant! Ya know what I mean??? Anyway.... I was allllll off the topic! LOL

* Good times with Good friends. There is nothing like having a good times and having good laughs! It is essential! **note to self: schedule a date for me, Diva and TS to go out**

* Good Music. Music makes me happy if I love it.... it can be absolutely mood changing. That's why you will find me banging my music in my car OFTEN. I love music!

* Vacations. I (as I am sure everyone does) love the feeling you have when you are on vacation. I, unfortunately, have not HAD one (let me quantify this.... I mean one where you are not visiting parents or in-laws or sitting in your house for a week) in far too long. I need a real week-long, carribean get away. For real. They are great!

* Getting my hair done There is NOTHING like the feeling when I get my hair (and nails for that matter) done. I feel polished and together when they are right :-) I know Diva feels me!

And most of all, I love being happy, just genuainely happy :-)

Later ya'll and may you have a happy wonderful day!!!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

another day another dolla.....

Well... the stuff just doesn't get better.... LOL

All I CAN do is laugh at this point, because I want to scream!!!! Basically.... I have now had my desk moved for the THIRD time in the 9 months that I have been here. I hate change. I want to be someplace and just be. I HATE all of this musical fucking desks. I was JUST getting used to the (albeit bad locale) of the 3rd desk that I was at. I am now in a fuckign OFFICE with 2 other people!!!! I am the SAME situation that I detailed to TS that I said I would DIE if I was in!!!! I am segregated and before though I shared an OPEN-ASS-CUBE with two other people it is WORSE in an office!!! There is no other sound to distract others from YOUR business and being all up in it and because I am no MORE than 5 ft. from the woman (who is like a flighty little grandma type....nice enough) next to me, it will be IMPOSSIBLE for her to NOT hear me if 1. I am conducting business, 2. talking to my husband 3. calling the dr.

I HAVE LESS PRIVACY than I did BEFORE and BEFORE I had virtually NO PRIVACY!!! Being ini this office will do NOTHING be magnify all sounds!!! I can't play no music (I am sure these two white chick, one is 28 or so and grandma) because I am SURE they do not want to hear my "urban" music!!!! And no, I cannot wear headphones all day. I have too much "phone interaction" that I have to have.

So, this morning the NB (New boss or New bitch...take your pick) sends me this "special project" as the e-mail indicated. WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY was it a LIST of fucking people that quit, got terminated, left for school reason,etc. and these micro-crazy people want to know more abotu "why" they left so she wanted ME to callllllllllllllllll alllllllllllllllllllllllll of these fucking people to do exit interviews on them ........

TODAY!!!!!!!!!! WTF?????

I sent her a message to clarify and have since gotten it widdled down to about 35 people, but guess what? She also wants me to ask them TEN QUESTIONS a piece!!!! WTF!!!! Then I ALSO have other people calling me and other things to do. These people apparently think that I can do 10 things at once. I do not operate well in conditions like that. I guess I betta learn though huh. Either that or have NO JOB!!!!


All I can do is laugh...... I am irritated al-fucking-ready!

Saturday, September 15, 2007


* I was offered the "lower", JUNIOR position on the team for whom I have been working.

* I am glad to still have a job

*I am LIVID FUCKING ANGRY AND PISSED that my pay was CUT due to this change by $8,000 a year. I was told that this is because the "position" dictates the salary....not the person's experience and that they are "now" (see: since they have had their asses chopped in half by the market conditions, they will be cheaper with people). Soooo basically FUCK my 11 years experience that I have in HR..... (this will make a total of $15,000 that my salary was decreased by since last year at this time....I don't need this shit and am therefore looking for another job..... who can afford to have THAT Much cut out of their salaries???????!!!!)

*Some people I work with(as said by my boss) "may have to take as much as a $20,000 job, so my situation ($8K less)" and apparently the bitch acted like I was going to do a real happy dance????? WTF???

* I was told (by my old boss ...who is a young black chick....try 27 years old) that:

1.I may get to get to a "real" position instead of a "junior" position in this team, but that I (to the new leader) have seemed "unengaged" with the new team, but that in my defense she told the new leader (also a BLACK WOMAN who is in her late 40's) that she has seen that in alot of other people who have been displaced and in "temporary" roles and given the uncertainty of our jobs that seeming "unengaged" was not atypical. (well la-di-fucking-da..... ya THINK???? Why would I be "completely engaged" into a job that I didn't know if I had a SOLID chance of staying at???? There was no way I was going to go in like gangbusters and put alllll my sweat equity into something that I MIGHT have been leaving!!! I am like has this bitch (the new boss) ever been through this shit or have a shred of understanding of all of the EMOTIONAL changes and shit that a person goes through at a time like this????? A-fucking-parently NOT!!!

2. I was told that apparently I have been having too many "converstations" with my old team members (2 of them that were still right around the corner from where I sit) and that it's "noticeable".... Well, again.... I needed someone to talk to other than the dry ass people on this team (who I have NO relationshipt with because they just are..... least the ones I sit near) and so that's a problem apparently, too.)

3.I can "make or break it" meaning, that this position has the "potential" to turn-into a "real position" and not stay a "Jr." one but they want to see that I can "step up" and really get involved because that hasn't been seen as of yet.

4. The new boss apparently saw fit to tell my old boss about a situation that , by all accounts, was simply a LACK OF COMMUNICATION from this *new* leader/team about when some things needed to be entered into the computer by so that some reports could be run. Because of the fact that they have basically not GIVEN me anything except for bullshit-ass BUSY work to do.... and no timeframe was given, I just kept plugging away as I had time between doing time sensitive reports which have to be done within 48-hrs of me receiving them AND helping the chick that I sit next to, who is always sending out emails saying "can someone help me today.... I am over my 40 hrs" (since they are not allowing o.t. since this crackdown). It was a simple misunderstanding, but this bitch WOMAN decided to for SOME fucking reason tell my OLD boss about it even AFTER she and I had talked about it. That tells me that she is petty. That kinda of bullshit burns me wasn't the 10th time that had happened and I had NOT been in the team long enough to know about typical deadlines,etc. and it ESPECIALLY pisses me of since she's BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!! do you think my attitude is?

I just need to find another job and I THANK GOD that I have one that pays more than unemployment while I do so! the only thing that makes me hesistant is that this company has alot of good training/continuing training for it's employees that I feel I could benefit from. But I feel like I don't have TIME for all that. Having $8,000 cut from my salary is literally CRITICAL to me living the way that I have. I BARELY had any money left over for shit BEFORE (since I had already taken a $7,000 cut in salary!!!!) I can't stay here for 6 months...or a year to "see" if I can move up and get a better salary! I need that money NOW. PERIOD.

So..... the search begins...again..... with a shit-lovin' smile on my face I am up in there.

*I feel completely down right now and unmotivated.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


….does my hair grow faster now than when it was long?
….do I feel sad because I don’t know if I will ever have another child?
….does this overweight, black, pregnant chick at work look a HOT ASS MESS annnnnnnnnnnnnd why did I see her the other day with a sleeveless shirt on and she had HAIR UNDER HER ARMS????????????????? This is an educated black woman and she is walking around looking like “boom-shaka” !!!!
….am I gonna tell her she need to CUT that pit-hair the NEXT time she has it exposed!!!!!
….has Boss Diva completely alienated herself from the people under her because she obviously doesn’t know how to handle situations like this?
….do cars seem to go slower, side-by –side when you want to get around them????
….do you become the parent to your parents at a certain point in your life?
….do I have to put perm on my hair (the short faded part)every other week just to keep ME from looking like “bushwick”???? **sigh**
….is unemployment too high here in Michigan??
….couldn’t I have won that $314 MILLLLLLION dollars ??
....are people grudge-holding, spiteful and vengeful ?? One day they will wake up alone and angry at themselves…or just die that way….miserable…..
….didn’t I travel more when I was younger?
….didn't I know THEN what I know NOW (inside joke with DIVA…LOL)
…. Do I have to go to this stupid meeting in an hour and I don’t even KNOW if I am about to be booted from this dept.
….do I haaaaaaaaaaaaaate change?
….people with HORRID breath want to get ALL .IN. YOUR. FACE?????
….at work, do I feel everyone know’s some “secret” that I am not being told nowadays?
….do people like assholes?
….do I wonder what it’s like on the “other side” (i.e. death)?
….does dirt seem to gravitate towards my black car?
….why do I write on this thing cause I swear no one reads it…..

Sunday, September 09, 2007

not again

well... as my worst fears suspected, the meeting was to be worse than I expected. **sigh**

basically, in reading my previous posts you know that my position as a Recruiter has ben "temporarily" paused for lack of a better word due to some changes that have gone on in the industry that I work in. All of the recruiters were placed elsewhere in the company in an effort not to layoff people until the market comes back.

Well, apparently the senior "leadership" (and I use that term VERY frickin loosely), has decided that a change needs to be made and that those who were displaced cannot stay in limbo forever.

Now, I, who had gone to another part of HR was told that basically if you decide to stay in this "new" position that your salary will be adjusted accordingly. That was cool because in talking with the director of this group (who is a 47-50'ish) faily cool black woman, I would be taking on a role like the others in that group and I KNOW (because I have access to folks salaries) that they made MORE than what I was making! So, if I decided to say COOOOOOOL!!!! :-)

Well, on Wednesday I was now told that they do NOT HAVE A PERMANENT POSITION WHERE I CURRENTLY AM and that "we are trying to identify other positions in the company...... here are two positions that were relatively-close in salary".

that shit hit me like a ton of bricks. I never thought that I would have to go ELSEWHERE in the company and that it would be out of HR, out of what I have done for a majority of my adult life (the last 12 years)!

Fear immediately set ina dn I felt a twinge of anguish shoot up my back and into my stomach as I waited for the next words..... "One position is in _____ and the salary is something like ______"...... also "there is another position that is working with _____ and the salary is ____ PLUS commission". WTF?????

I can't work a commissiony/sale-sy position!!!! HELL NO!!!And to top it off the BASE is $15,0000 LESS than what I make right NOW!!!! I cannot AFFORD a $15,000 drop in salary! And the other position ranges from $15,000-20,000 LESS than what I make now! How in the FUCK do they think this is comparable! Why was I told (again) something that was reneged on???????I am beginning to not believe all of the HYPE that was infused into my and every other new employee's brains. It all seems like a farce to me at this point

I was numb. Too numb to cry, too numb to do anything but keep chewing my gum and keep looking forward.....just keep looking forward..... keep looking ....

As I left the meeting my co-worker that I used to sit next to , had a meeting with my boss and went in to have his head chopped. Immediately after him, our other co-worker went into have her head chopped. I went to go to the bathroom and saw the two of them in the hall. My boy (who is black and is the ex-brother-in-law of one of my good friends) looked at me with the shock of someone who had seen a dead body laying next to him or something and was like "We need to talk...". I said "no we don;t". He said "We need to talk". I said "No we don't". He said "didn't you just have a meting with Boss Diva?" ...."yup"...... "well....we need to talk". I said "no we need to PRAY. That stopped him and me and he just nodded and we both half laughed and said "yeah.... you are right". I was beginning to unravel. This felt like what I JUST.FRICKIN.WENT.THROUGH not 8 months ago1 I went back to my desk. It was now 4:40. I had several things to do before I left and I was not sure if I was going to make it because I could feel the tears coming.....

I went and got my son and went home. I am so glad my mom is here still because I do not think I could've made it that night alone. My husband is working VERY long hours because he is entrenched in contract negotiations for the UAW, so I KNEW he COULD NOT be home to make me feel better. I pretty much cried all night. I couldn't sleep and am still scared. It is good that if I have to, I will probably have something, which is better than nothing. I will definitely be looking though.

My girls DIVA and TOO SERIOUS immediately started to help me look for new positions. I love them and am blessed to have them :-)I am trying to have faith , but it is hard because I know that I have to just get out there and find something and that ain't easy. Michigan's economy is bad. But I guess if I just let it go, God will make a way.... he always does. I am just scared....again.......

So say a prayer for ya girl.... I am trying not to worry and to just let go and let God.... I really am....

Wednesday, September 05, 2007


I think I wrote about all the changes at my job.....if you didn't read it, basically because there are alot of changes going on in the market that we are in, the decision was reached that NO recruiters (that's me)were needed becaused there was NO recruiting going on.

So, since August 1 or so, I have been in this "other" department in HR...the Employee Relations dept (the dept that deals with write-ups, disciplines, counselings, training....e.e. all the fucked up problems). But since I have been here alllllllllllllllllllllll I have been doing is bullshit ass "clerical/admin" work! Basically DATA entry! Now.... because this position is supposed to be "temporary" until the market comes back (and who knows when that will be), I am not an official part of this team.

So, I have not been doing the function of a "real" employee relations specialist. Cool... whatever.... but not really. I am tired of data entry. Sooooo today I get a request from my "recruiting" leader to "meet today at 4:00-4:30 to discuss the Recruiting Team updates".

So, I am thinking that since this was a "team" update that the "team" is on the invite list. nope. I call my girl who is on our "recruiting team" and she has no idea what I am talking about. WTF????

So, I am assuming that my leaded, Boss Diva, is about to tell me that they will NOT be bringing my position back and that I need to make a decision to stay in this NEW position PERMANENTLY or else. I am not happy about this. My husband thinks this is good because if I am made to be a "real" employee relations specialist it SHOULD mean more money because that position pays higher than most recruiters. Here's the problem though..... this company has shut DOWN excess spending and I have a feeling that they will be trying to NOT increase my pay and nickel and dime me and if I ACCEPT IT, I will NEVER get to the salary level that my husband is so "anticipatorily excited" about. Because once you accept LESS.... they know you can and WILL take LESS!

My meeting isn't until 4:00 and it sooooo pisses me off that she makes this shit for LATE in the dayum day! If you got shitty news tell me NOW! But the kicker is ....I am not sure if I even WANT to stay in this dept..... roles are so specific and polarized in this company and I hate not having a more "generalist" type of role. It makes me wanna start looking for a new job that PAYS me what I NEED to get paid! I feel like I am constantly getting the SHAFT when it comes to the $$$$ !!

We got (after management going back and fuckin forth FOREVER abotu whether or not to GIVE us one) our bonus's. Now..... when I was hired, it was said "Robyn we can;t get you to the salary you want (about $10K more than what I make and used to make), but with bonus I am sure we can. But what did management do? Cut EVERYBODY's BONUS! How about my AFTER taxes bonus was LESS than $1,000! Yeah, yeah, yeah I know what you are saying...... be happy you got anything. And I am. But it's the principal of it all. When all of recruiting was displaced, we were told BY THE RECRUITING DIRECTOR that our bonus's would NOT be affected! And they reneged!!!!!

Oh well... I am through bitching for now...... I will let ya'll know what happened........

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

So.... my mom is here and me and my husband haven;t been anywhere ***dead look**

As much as we complain about NOT having a babsitter, we just OUGHTTA be going somewhere! But it is just nice to be able to SIT ON MY ASS and not have to worry about the little one! Sometimes, that is just as nice.

So, we go over to her long time friend's house and her friend is moving to California to be closer to HER son and his wife and daughter! So, you know me.... I was like "you need to buy THIS condo and move here!". Her friend agreed and chimed RIGHT.IN. on the "you need to move closer to your daughter...especially since you passed out last week!" bandwagon.

Her friend's condo is like 10 minutes or less in the SAME suburb that I live in and is a ranch style condo with plenty of space and a big ass basement. Perfect.

Now, I know that there are a couple things to take care of ....ya know.... getting a DIVORCE from the jackass she is "technically" married to, but has been seperated from (thank GOD for small miracles) from since sometime last year, getting the condo sold and then pakcking and moving. I am really turning this over to God because she NEEDS to be here. She really does. That place she has is a money pit and she keeps having to sink $$ into it. She is on a fixed income and MY budget is stressed as is (see: I can't really help you out cause I am using ALL my lil $$ to keep MY family afloat). That may sound bad, but it's simply the reality. I could help with incidental, occasional things, but I can't subsidize her monthly income and because she has all these medications and shit (she will be 73 this year) and because Medicare is not great on the perscriptions, she be needing money to supplement.

Also, shit is jsut expensive in Florida where she lives! I hate that she is on a fixed income and I am not in the financial position to just be I feel that the next BEST thing is to have her be her own place (you know she is independent and besides she SMOKES which is a big HELL-FUCK-NAW in my crib....) and she will have more cash to enjoy her life AND be closer to me!

YEA! We all win!!! :-) Will keep ya posted......

Saturday, September 01, 2007

baby love

So, my niece told the family that she is pregnant abotu two weeks ago and I am very happy for her! She is 25, got married last year to the guy she's been "whatevering" with, since she was 14. The family loves him and he really is a great guy! She is a colleg grad and is going back to grad school. Though with this announcement, she may delay going back a lil.

The family got together to celebrate this and her birthday which was Aug. 15. She told me that the pregnancy was planned and I , for one, was shocked ! She and I have alllllways joked around about who "would be next" and I was always like uh.... I have one... YOU are next! And she would be like "naw....I got about 4-5 years...naw....". But look what done happened! LOL She said that she stopped taking her "birth control" and the next month VOILA! She was pregnant!

So, she calles me yesterday and I didn;t get the phone and she then texts me the following:

All I have to say is....not one, but TWO BABIES

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????????????? this heffa is having twins!!! LOL I was cracking up when I heard THIS!!! WOW! Twins!!!!!! I cannot believe it!!! :-) So ya KNOW the girl is scared! But she will have plenty of help, so she will be aw-ight :-)

We will love them babies and my little one will have two new cousins to play with and spoil.

Good times :-)


Sunday, August 26, 2007


So, I am sitting here on Sunday morning...awake at 6:15 am...actually I have been awake since about 5:15.... I can't sleep.

My mother is here visiting from Florida and yesterday, she almost died. No, I am serious. My mother is diabetic and went into a diabetic insulin shock because she had taken her medicine at 7:30 anad had not had ANYTHING to eat (which I didn't know), and by 9:30 she started to feel like she needed to eat something.

I have seen that look before. I had a friend who was diabetic and because he too had a habit of giving himself a SHOT and not eating properly,every once in a while he would get what I call "the diabetic look". I think she had a slower reaction than he did because her insulin is in pill-form. The look she had was distinct. It is a mixture of "I really don't feel well, I am needing something IMMEDIATELY and I need it QUICK becuase I have waited to long". So, when I was sitting here trying to make breakfast, I saw the look when she said "i think I need to eat something". I said " you want some orange juice?" (because orange juice gets sugar into the bloodstream quickly and because I knew that that's why my friend used to drink when he took his insulin to balance out the chemical reaction that was going on in his body).

She said yes. I was sitting down and got up and began to get it for her. My 3-yr old was running aaround like he usually does and my husband (whose back was hurting) was upstairs laying down with a heating pad on his back. I gave her the o.j. and she drank some and said "put some sugar in it". I was in denial but a twinge of pain shot up into my heart because what that request meant was I am feeling bad QUICKLY and I need MORE sugar to get into my system FASTER . By this time, she was sweating (this too is an effect of your blood sugar dropping too low). I was then getting scared but was trying to ignore the panic I was beginning to really feel. She drank some of the o.j./sugar mix and was looking even sweatier. I said "do you want to lie down" and she said yes. I said "do you feel like you can get up?" She said "yeah, but I might just stay right here". I said "o.k.". About a minute more went by. I busied myself in the kitchen starting to take the frying pan out to begin making breakfast, to stave my mind from the thought that I was thinking "please sugar, get in her system...please sugar get in her system" , while praying that she would not get worse. I I put the pan on the stove and turned on the eye. I was talking to her and looking at her to see if she was alright and she started shaking and convulsing and as I ran over to her shouting "Mama!" she passed out. I began screaming for my husband and he came rushing down the stairs with the heating pad still strapped to his back.

She was unconscious and unresponsive with her eyes open, for about 30 seconds and I thought she was going to die. I was shouting to her and she was clammy and hot. I swear it was the longest 30 seconds of my life. She slowly began to come to and get her faculties..... I was already on the phone with 911 before she came to. She finally after what seemed like an ETERNITY (but was only seconds)began to come to. When she was kinda coming to she was moaning in a way that is still haunting to me. She woke up and heard me on the phone and was like "what are you doing?" (because she heard me giving them info about her on the phone). I said " I am calling 911 because you passed out and went into Insulin Shock !!". I said, "you passed out!". She said "No, I didn't". Me and my husband said "YES YOU DID".(she has no memory after drinking the sugar/o.j. concoction to the point where she said "what are you doing" as I was on the phone). My husband put my son upstairs and the paramedics were already here. The Fire Truck AND the EMS came. Fortunately, we have a fire house on the VERY NEXT street next to ours so they were here quickly. Literally by the time they got here she was awake and alert. Her blood sugar, apparently rising.

I was about to fall apart. I was trying not to cry because I didn't want her to see me cry and she knows that I am not real good in high stress situations because I am a worier. As a matter of fact, she USUALLY won't tell me if she needs to have a test or something if it seems "suspicisous" by her dr's because she knows how I worry. My mother is the only thing I have , and yet she refuses to move back to Michigan from Florida. She's gotten used to having "no snow" ans simply doesn't want to live here. And I cannot uproot me and my husbands' careers to move there. That's unrealistic. So, I have deaded the converstaion because it's always at a stalemate with her. But now.... after this..... We will have a talk before she leaves, just me and her.

I am her only child and she is my only parent (my father died 13 years well, all of my grandparents are dead too). Her side of the family has always been small,so there are no brother's & sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles,etc. ...I am it. But she is stubborrn. I am going to try to persuade her to come back here. She is 72 years old and does everything that you or I can do, but she has a few medical issues...nothing acutely life threatening (diabetes, high blood pressure, glaucoma) but things that if something like this were to go awry again, I would not be able to do SHIT to get to her within 6-12 hours! She does have an old ass cousin (yes I said it) who is OLDER and half-feeble, that is down there, and a half-dependable girlfriend she made down there but that sooooo does not make me feel better. My mother is more of a loner....never been the partying type, more of the shy. reserved, stay at home type, hence her not having made more than 2 real friends (one of them a cousin she reconncected with) since she's been down there (excluding men she dated and the fool she married since she's been down there). She blamed this "incident" on the fact that her dr. had given her a different medicine. Whatever. You need to be closer. My mother is VERY independent and VERRRRRRY obstinate. Truth is .... I can't make her move. As a matter of fact... I had ALREADY been trying to get her to move because shit it TOO expensive.

Anyway.... the paramedics tested her blood sugar and it was 141 (a little high for a "regular" blood sugar, but since she had basically a "shot" of sugar..... it was expected. A normal blod sugar is typically between 70-120). But I think "what if I had not suggested the orange juice? What if I had not HAD orange juice" (the only reason I had it was because I had been SICK a couple weeks ago and had it left over....we do not drink orange juice), what if I had been upstairs alseep and my hisband was just lying there and it was just her and my son???? She didn't make enough noise that I woulda heard her in my OWN HOUSE!

But that wasn't the reality. God had me right where I was supposed to be and had me become more aware of my blessings. My mother is fine and we actually went out and went shopping yesterday afternoon.

So , on this Sunday, the day before my 37th birthday, I count my blessings. count, count, count.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Where is your life going and who is going with you?

So, I have been sitting her contemplating while I am SICK AS HELL with a frickin SUMMER HEAD COLD (can you say MAD???)about things that shape our lives and this documentary called "the Secret" not to long ago.

The Secret was basically to me saying that you have what you ask for and want to get and attract into your life. It touches on the religious and things that many of us were told as youngsters "jsut ask Gord (the universe) for it and believe it, and it will be done", "thank the universe (God) for it and believe that it is already done".

It is interesting because one thing that was said was that we have EXACTLY what we have attracted, into our our lives. I find that perplexing and kinda believe it in the whole realm of "karma". In that vein, I want to know what i did to deserve some of the treatment I am getting right now? (good and bad) I sit and think, what did I do to deserve the treatment I am getting by people in my life (good and bad). Can I change it by simply believing that I want something different? Maybe I don't have enough faith, because it sometimes seems far fetched. I loose faith in things that I thought were steadfast more and more everyday, because it seems as if in the end, like my mama said, you can only count on YOU.

So, what does it profit you to care about people, have friends,etc. They will all dissapoint you in the end, right? Or is your dissapointment a reflection of you putting too many eggs in their basket? I have dichotomous feelings about it. After all, I do believe that you can never know the greatest love, friendship,etc. without taking the greatest risk. But apparently, everyone doesn't believe in the ideals that I do. Things that were here today can be gone tomorrow.

There are cards that have been dealt to me that I do not feel have been fair and it bothers me to no end. But I also know that "what you focus on, you find", so fuck it and all that came with it because if it means me no good, it is time for it to go. And in keeping with this "secret", and wanting my life to go to different places, I guess it was for the best. After all, everyhing happens for a reason or a season, and I guess this season is over.

I want to be happier and less stressed. Truly.... and in that desire, I feel the real secret of happiness lies.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Can someone tell me

When it became a sin for you and your husband (or live-in boyfriend) to know where the other is or what plans the other has??? I meant to post about this long ago, but forgot, and we were talking abotu this at work again the other day, so I felt I needed to get this out.

I am of the notion that it is simply courteous to let your partner (ESPECIALLY if you are married) , know where you are/what plans you have. Now, I know there are some people (men and women) who disagree and do not like to be “questioned” as to their whereabouts.

I say, hell no. TBut more over...that would NEVER fly with me. #1, I have a kid and if something happens, wouldn’t you feel like crap if you found out that something happened to your child WAAAY late because all you let your spouse know was “I’m out” and was nowhere to be found. But even if I DIDN'T have a kid, it's just courtesy because you are NO LONGER living alone and no longer just out for self. If you are living together (married or not) it IS a partnership, not a "do as I want when I want to" scenario. Or at least to me it should not be.

Some people feel it’s confining. To them, I say “well you need to live by your FUCKING self!” Having your significant other/spouse/partner know where you are to ME should be as natural as breathing and should NOT be that difficult! My boss is one ‘nem people. She is not married, nor does she live with her of 8+ year boyfriend. She said she HAAATES is when he asks her “where is she going?”. I’m like “WHY?” and she’s like “Because I am grown and I don’t need to answer to anyone and I don’t ask HIM where he is going! So, why should he ask ME”. I’m like, the only reason you DON’T ask is because you don’t WANT him to!!! And believe me folks, my boss (though she’s a young as hell black chick) is a REAL.OLD.SOUL. and is verrrry goody-goody (meaning, she pretty much probably wouldn’t step on a fly!), so I can almost BET MONEY on the fact that she ain’t cheating or nothing (for those of ya’ll that thought that). She just has a real problem with feeling like she NEEDS to and is EXPECTED to tell someone her whereabouts. I’m thinking, well sista….. you gon have a haaaaaaard way to go. Or maybe not…maybe ya’ll will just both be like “I’ll see ya when I see ya”. But that sounds like a roommate and not a MATE to me.

Being courteous enough to tell someone “hey, I’m going to the library today, I’ll be back in a few hours" or whatever should NOT be that taxing..... I'm just saying ya'll. What happened to respect?????

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Dream deferred...

So, I am depressed.

Well, more like severely dissapointed. Why? Because I just found out yesterday that now is not a good time to buy a new house and that numbers-wise we simply CANNOT afford to move. Housing prices for sellers are TERRIBLE and how about the real estate company that we are working with just told us that based on the area, the market value of the homes in our area, and what the costs potentially associated with selling a home (including a whopping $10,500 to THEIR asses alone as our "marketers"), they recommended that we put the house on the market for TWENTY-THOUSAND LESS THAN WHAT WE PAID FOR THIS BITCH THREE YEARS AGO! WHAT THE FUCK!!! And you KNOOOOOW that you never take a "offered" price for a home when you are looking, so that would mean we could come out like as much as $30-40,000 less than what we paid!!! HELL NO! We cannot afford to take a LOSS like that!!!!! We ain't got $30-40K just sitting there in the bank to pay off our CURRENT mortgage and get into another one!

I am so angry. More at myself though because I feel utterly and completely trapped because I can do nothing but wait.... til whenever....... After we moved here I realized something that in my blind impatient desire to get this house did not realize: This may not have been the best move. Why do I say that? Well.... seeing as though I knew NOTHING about how homes appreciate, how areas appreciate,etc. I went on pure emotion and the condition of the house: New. My husband also wanted new and definitely wanted to get a house too. Now, he takes my "dissapointment" as his "fault" because he is the "man" of the house. I tell him it's not his fault, but he feels guilty about us NOT being able to do what we wanna do (i.e. move) and so I try not to talk about it....cause TRUST this topic is never far from my mind and leave it to me, I'd be talking about it QUITE a bit. But I don't because I don't want him to feel bad.

When we got this house, we both wanted a "new construction" home, but the homes that we were looking at as potential "new construction" homes were either tooooo far from EVERYTHING (i.e. a 45-50min commute ONE WAY in NO TRAFFIC) or were too old for what we wanted. I cannot do a long commute, as a matter of fact, I think those who can should be commended! I also did not want to inherit other folks "cover up" jobs that they may have done in a home, on my first purchase. So, we got approved and began to look.

The house that we found are are in today is a new construction home smack dab in the middle of a LOOOOONG time established neighborhood,( but in a central location, close to people north, south, east and west of us. We are really in the middle of the metro-area.) What does that mean? That the homes that are here went through the "quick appreciation" in value 30 years ago and that our MORE EXPENSIVE home will not appreciate that much, that quick since everyone elses shit is old as dirt. And my home (though smaller in sq ft. than most of the homes near us tht are older) cost about $40K MORE than the older homes around us and therefore when they look at the area (as buyers would), this house probably wasn't worth what we bought it for, for the area. But I wanted a new home because my son was about 4 months old and I did NOT want to be in an apt and our lease was up anyway. Now I feel stuck and there is NOTHING that I can do about it but wait and hope....hope that the fucking housing market comes back. But mortgage interest rates are steady going the fuck up.... I guess I may see pigs fly first.

So, here we stand today. My husband is the type of person who could live in a cardboard box and be fine as long as it was warm and had cable. He could care less. I am completely opposite. I want to MOVE! There are several reasons that I want to move. One, we want to move BEFORE (which if this piss-ass housing economy in Michigan doesn't get better, I can't see it) our son is school age. Why? Because the area we are looking at moving into has FABULOUS public schools! My son has 2 years and I personally don't have much hope for this economy. ***sigh*** I also just want MORE SPACE!! I don’t have parties, functions, get togethers at my house because my house is soooooo small! All I have is a Kitchenette table that fits FOUR PEOPLE!!! How can I have more than ONE COUPLE over and be comfortable?????? I mean, I have living room furniture, but I would love to have a grown & sexy dinner party ....well, I can nix THAT idea living here! Also, there is no place for people to go! The basement is not finished and I can't see THAT getting done (due to cost) anytime REAL soon either!!! So, I just don't have people over though I love to entertain. I am just frustrated. And I feel like if I hadn't been SOOO quick to move and had looked at all of these factors,we might be able to buy a new house.

My husband is also of the "well, we just can't do it.....get over it and keep it moving" variety. I am still upset.

So, what this means to me is that we will have to wait LONGER for this house to appreciate to a "decent" level or for us to grow more equity in this house. When we got this house we said we'd be here for 3-5 years as this house is rather small---- we don't even have a formal dining room or formal living room. There is just a living/family room. My husband was like "well, we can now get the basement done and we will have more space". I guess I better make peace with that fuckin idea otherwise I will make myself sick***sigh***

I had thought that this might happen and that I would be O.K. with the idea of just “doing the basement” and that it would be all good if the #'s didn't come in right. But it’s not. I am pissed and frustrated and there is NOTHING.I.CAN.DO.TO.CHANGE.THIS. So... I am upset and left sitting here not unlike Langston..... lamenting.....

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 it me you're looking for

So, it's ben awhile folks...two months to be almost exact. Alot has happened in this time, my son gained another year in age, I lost a few pounds, I gained a new car, my mom lost an appendix, I gained an excercise regimen, and I lost a friend.

Honestly I haven't felt like blogging and haven't had the mindset or the inclination to do so. I still don't feel "up to" blogging much, but here I am. I have a little something to talk about, so here goes. Personally I don't think but 2 or three people read this stuff anyway, so I didn't really see the value in writing ( I NEED to feel like SOMEONE is reading. ):-)

Too much to talk about, so I just won't. I will move on and talk about work. That's a safe place to be. So, I have begun to start taking these leadership classes that are required to become a leader. This is a great company that I work for and I absolutely LOVE the fact that I am in classes that MOST of the 17 people that are in this class with me had to wait 2,3 or in a few cases FIVE years to get to. If you are already at the company, you MUST take this class. If you come in as a manager, you MUST take it AFTER you are hired. When we had an Icebreaker at our first class I think the LOWEST seniority person was 1 1/2 years. I do feel honored that my boss, Boss Diva (who is black and TEN years my junior, but is the bomb!) put me in this.

So, what is my issue? Well...... this company is one that works hard and plays hard. I have no problem with working hard but I have a life and MANY.MANY of the people (whose demographic is certainly young) , work to the point where they do NOT have a life (or their life starts after 9:00...when they leave work).

Can you say "HELL NAW"???? that simply CANNOT be me. I have too many responsibilities and TOO much OTHER shit I wanna do in my life. I already feel like I NE.VER have "me time" unless I am getting my hair done and that really doesn;t count because I am really scared that if I become a manager, THAT kinda shit will be "expected" of me, and I will either 1. have an attitude if I am forced to do something like stay until 8:00 or some mess, more than once a month or 2. just NOT be able to stay and "people" start to look at my leaving "on time" badly or 3. be ready to quit.

I do not want ANY of those to happen, but I fear being a manager. I really do. I am ready to have the responsibility from 8-5pm, but do NOT (nor can my life even ACCOMODATE) extreme amounts of O.T. I have a small child and my husband works really late days and we have not one "backup" to count on to get our child with any reliability or even someone that would be dependable in doing so! It's a truth I hope not to face. I PRAY for a managerial position where if I HAVE to do something, I can take it home! That's the best I can hope for.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

20 Things

I am thankful for:

1. My Mom still being alive and being able to spend time/talk to her.
2. My job...yes, it still gets on my nerves, but it is o.k.
3. My sanity
4. My Son...he really is the light of my life
5. My husband...even though HIS as drives me crazy sometimes too, he is a very good man and father
6. That I have cute feet... I am so glad that I do NOT have onion/bunyon/corntoe looking toes
7. My health
8. The ability to walk, talk and hear (that probably should count as 3, but oh well)
9. The Wisdom that I have gleaned over the years
10. Laughter
11. That feeling when you just feel so warm inside because of nothing in particular...guess that would be.. happiness
12. Going through all that I did with living with my father (who was a for real alcoholic)
13. My ability to sympathize and empathize
14. My ability to be impartial
15. My friends
16. Being able to say that there are few things I regret
17. Lessons learned because of the things I regret
18. Being not too hard on the eyes :-)(I am NOT vain by ANY stretch! I am harder on myself than I should be according to others, but I KNOW I ain't aesthetically unappealing.... wasn't that a nice way of saying "I'm glad I ain't u.g.l.y"?)
19. Knowing that I have marketable skills and that (God willing...) I can always make a living for myself and my family
20. No matter what happened the day before, knowing that I can get up tomorrow and try again if today wasn't all that great!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007



I don't care what anybody says or does ANYMORE. Not that I should have cared anyway. I have ENOUGH shit in my own FUCKING life to give a damn about. Plenty in fact. I'm simply out and outdone.

Since other people can be pissy, so can I !!! That's IT! Enough is enough.

NOBODY has to worry about me doing, saying, thinking or otherwise.

If PEOPLE can't be REAL with me, just don't BEat all.

DONE !!!


And if this does NOT apply to you.... you have nothing to worry about...right?