Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Superbowl madness has got me too.....

Yes,yes ya'll....I haven't been ignoring you all, I have just been sooooooooooo busy and by the time I get a moment in the evening to myself, I am exhausted. This is a short week at work, because due to SUPERBOWL XL being held in Detroit (which is where I work) and ESPN and all 3,700 sportscasters/media personnel being camped out in the building I WORK IN, they want our asses OUT after Wednesday. That's right, I CAN'T EVEN COME UP IN THE BUILDING Thurs. & Friday! (WTF??) So, that doesn't mean that I get two free fucking "pick my ass" days,....nooooo...... that just means that they are kicking us out and "you all have to find another location to work out of". Which translates into, "Robyn, go to our Warren office, where there are substandard accomodations and you won't even have a real desk to work off of". *smile* If they are REQUIRING my as to be ghost, then I should have two free fucking VACATION DAYS, NOT be made to find someplace else to fucking work! *loud funky sigh*.


Well.....all that means that I am on hyper speed trying to get work done that my boss HAS to review BEFORE we get kicked out on Wednesday eve. So......... I've been working like a Hebrew! As a matter of fact, I SHOULDN'T even be on here right now cuz I SHOULD be typing up this report that I am working on, but c'est la vie.

So..... I'm posting an oldie but goodie post to tide ya'll over. I posted this in August and seeing as though these tenets never go out of style here it is again for ya'll.


For all that know me, you know that I work in a huge facility that has 4 separate buildings that house THOUSANDS of employees. The parking for those employees is broken up amongst several parking garages. The parking garage that I park at is approximately a 10 minute walk away. Hence, there is a shuttle service that picks up and drops off employees to and from the main building. Door to door service! Gotta love it.

For the most part, this is a wonderful service (O.K. here’s where I get picky and bitchy..) BUT there are some exceptions to every rule. The buses are commuter buses, you know the nice white ones that seat between 20-40 people depending on the bus and look like the buses that take you to/from a hotel from the airport or something or the like. Most buses even have music playing of the popular black radio stations (because it's mostly "us" that's driving, that's what radio station is playing). Because the bus route is a quick 2 minutes , buses pull up quite frequently. During my 4 years here, I have noticed some irritating shit that people do that in my opinion SHOULD go int he "what the fuck NOT TO DO section of the “Code of the Parking Structure Bus Rider”.

I shall detail these things below for those who have OBVIOUSLY neva been schooled on appropriate conduct in small spaces:

1.Do NOT blow your fucking nose if someone (especially if MY BLACK ASS) is sitting next to you. Not even if it’s a GODAMN snot-emergency! This fucking morning this funky ass white muthafucka with a cheap suit and some “2 funky brotha’s” cologne proceeds to blow his gahdamn nose while I was sitting RIGHT next to him!! BITCH! I was mad as hell. O.K. first of allI was mad because these seats are NOT made for anyone over a size 8 (women) or over a size 36 waist size (men’s). And even then your ass might feel like a salty sardine! Now I know that there’s a whole yunch oh nasty-ass-mothafuckas in the world, but when did it become O.K. to blow yo’ snot particles (imagine me feeling like I'm sitting in that movie theatre in the movie "Outbreak".....you get the picture) albeit into a rag, that he put BACK INTO HIS bag *disgusted face*, when we’re sitting so close to one another I can hear your gahdamn heart beat?????? Stankin-ass-baturds!!!! And seeing as though , as previously stated, the bus ride is 2 fucking minutes. YOUR ass can wait unless your nose is running and then you can simply wipe, NOT BLOW your gahdamn nose!!!! UUUUUGHHHHHH!!! This is why I am convinced that white people in general do NOT live by the code of cleanliness that black folk do. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some McNasty’s out there in the black community…..but far less than whites. (and they equate US with being dirty...hhhmph! *tooting my nose in the air, lips curled up*).

2.DO not talk on a cell phone in closed spaces or talk quietly!!! Don’t most people know it is rude as fuck to talk LOUDLY on the cell phone when you are in closed spaces (e.g.a bus, an elevator….)?? If you are sitting next to me and we are on a bus, please cut that damn convo. short and tell the muthafucka you’ll call them RIGHT back if you can’t manage to cut that mouth volume down several notches! Just say no and shut the FUCK UP!

3.Do NOT start singing the fucking music that is playing on the bus’ radio station! Now, I told you that the buses have music playing on most of them. You ain’t Rueben, Clay or Fantasia bitch and this AIN’T a Karaoke contest! Now, most of the time the 2 minute bus trip is uneventful and QUIET. Other than people talking in quieter tones to a co-worker, etc. it’s usually quiet even if there is music playing WHYYYYY was I on the bus yesterday morning and this mothafucka was FIRST of all talking loud as HELL on his cell phone (reference rule #2 above) and then his white, janky-looking ass started singing along with Michael Jackson “Don’t stop til you get enough….keep on with the force…..don’t….don’t stop til you get enough” (repeat) I was sitting RIGHT behind this muthafucka and his attempt at being cool was turning out horribly and I sooooooo was tempted to tap or better yet SLAP the shit out of him and let him know that he AIN’T cool and he WASN’T gruuuuvin’ and that we (the masses on the bus) did NOT enjoy his lil stankin-ass impromptu concert was worthy of getting thrown the-fuck-out of ANY Karaoke bar. Sheesh! You’d think he’d have gotten the message after people started to turn and look at his ass! *now remember this is a 2 minute bus ride, 3 at the MOST, so I was relieved of my aural hostage takeover very soon !
Addendum: do you know that when this mu’fucka got off the bus he was all of 4’ 5”???? I shook my head as I looked down at him and thought “This explains EVERYTHING.....*sigh*”

4. If your ass is too WIDE to get down the AISLE of the bus or if the bus tilts to one side when you try to get on it, this means you need to WALK to the building. There is no reason that I and the person next to me should be smashed into the window with our lips pressed against the glass simply because yo’ big ass is “comin thru”!!! And if your ass IS that big, chances are you NEED to walk. Take advantage of this opportunity to commit to this form of exercise. Now, I ain’t no little, petite woman either, but Sumo/Samoan I ain’t. Therefore, I can speak to these issues!

5. Please do NOT sit directly next to me if there are say.... 92 other seats on the damn bus! Why do people do this?? Is it to feel safe? Is it to feel like they are really a part of the human experience? Is it to smell my sexy body? NOOOOOOOOOO!! I am convinced that people who do dumb-ass shit like this do it to simply irritate the FUCK outta me!!! Cause please believe that these 2 seats are really the equivalent of 1 1/2 seats! GET AWAY FROM ME!

6.And if you DO sit next to me and I DO NOT know you (even if I do, unless we're cool like dat) PLEASE , I repeat PLEASE DON'T start inane-ass, languid conversations with me O.K., sometimes idle chatter is O.K., but really & truly my time in teh morning on the bus (yes that 2-3 minutes and the 5 minute walk through the building to my desk)is MY TIME to "get my mind right". And the evening time is my time to get the FUCK outta Dodge and I am like Mario Andretti on a nigga! At 5:00pm (because my bitch ass boss will NOT let a slave nigga leave until EXACTLY 5:00pm) I am flying out the doh'! Eat my dust biatches! So I don't want to talk then either. I am focused on two things: getting my ass to my vehicle and high-tailing it onto the freeway as fast as I can, because literally, minutes lost in pre-freeway time can = traffic jam city! And as I am impatient, that does not bode well with me. The other focus is getting the Zilla from daycare. So, I do not appreciate you droning on and on and on and on and .....you get it. It fucks up my mental! And in addition, it's rude and as IRRITATING as a fly that you just can't kill that continues to light on everything in your house! I don't care about the "nice day" or "my, isn't it hot" or any other stupid "filler-chat" you idle mind comes up with. Save it. One day this woman was going on and on and I was just giving her the nicey-nice smiles and saying "oh, o.k." and " mmm hmmm" and "mmmmm" trying to be nice. But it wasn't until I shot her a "shut the fuck up " look that she finally did just that. See....folks force me to be evil.. I swear they do.

7. If you smell like hot garbage and cabbage, GET’CHO ass OFF and STAY off the Godamn bus until you take a shower! Being in a confined space where it’s hot, because SOME of these buses have NO A/C, is just ridiculously oppressive and unfair to others when you add funk + heat it = straight con-funktion. I work in a building where most of the employees that work here are employed by one of the Big 3. Hence, there are a fair number of people employed that are of either East Indian, Pakistani, Arabic descent since they employ these fuckers like they’re God’s gift to America . People, you know where I’m going with this. Why can stankin, I mean STANKKKKKKKKIN muthafucka’s be allowed to come to work and by the sheer mist of funk that is emanating from ONE person’s body, stink up the WHOLE floor! That’s a shame!! There is no reason that HYGEINE be one of those “cultural preferences” that is accepted in the U.S. !!! I swear, if there was someone on my side of this floor that smelled like that, there’d HAVE to be something done about it!!! It’s no less fair to have a person be told to “tone down” their perfume if it is causing other employee’s to have headaches, nausea, etc. than it would be to ask someone who is STANKIN-ALL-TO-BE-DAMNED to wash their ass. I just don’t get it. WASH.YO.ASS. BITCHES. Them oniony ass nigga’s betta be glad that I don’t have to smell them.

O.K., I’m done....

Stink you very much.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Question for the day:

I was listening to the radio a few days ago and the topic was:

“if you are a single parent and are seeing someone (fairly seriously), should that person be allowed to discipline your children?”

I believe that if you would trust this person in your bed, and your ass, you SHOULD be able to trust them to be a good role model to your children.

Lemme ‘splain that last comment.

I believe that we as women number ONE “give it up”, whatever it may be, to people who are unworthy and are untested as to their character, integrity and their ethical beliefs. Why would you let your children even BE AROUND a suitor who you wouldn’t necessarily trust in your house and why would you let that same person get the ass.

I don’t think that, especially with younger children, that a man or woman should be allowed to discipline (in terms of men in the dating world) your children unless they are damn serious or married. Children’s minds are too precious and too impressionable. And all it takes is a momma that has “uncle squeaky” and “uncle pookie” and “uncle gino” coming over all the time to figure out, them ain’t my uncles. It puts a warped sense of male-female relationships into the universe again and it prepetuates problems that we hear about so often in the black-family dynamic.

I guess, and this is just me, but if I were a single parent, even if I DID fuck a nigga, his ass wouldn't be around my son.....period. I respect my baby just that much. Just my 2 centavos.

what do you think?

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Chase that dream

My best friend is a singer. Now, she has never made it big, never had a record deal or ever stood on a stage with Patti, Aretha or Whitney (pre-cracky-ness), but she can blow. Now I do not say that lightly or to brag. She has a beautiful 5-octave range and is a beautiful person through and through. But I did not come to discuss her beauty.

I came because I now understand why she has persevered with her desire to be a singer and what pursuing your dreams really means .

Since I have known her singing is really ALL she’s ever wanted to do. Though she is very intelligent and very proactive, she didn’t really want to pursue her major in college which was journalism. She wanted to sing. She left school subsequently to do just that. She got a gig touring with the now defunct house music group ‘ Inner City’ and after she returned from Europe, she never completed her degree. I have always held a secret anger at her for leaving and not finishing her degree. Why? Because as a black woman n America, I felt that a degree would give her the leverage WHILE she was seeking fame and fortune, to get a small piece o’ the pie. So how has she survived you ask? Well, until she got married, she’d lived with her Mom off and on while holding down a variety of jobs......waitress being the most common of them. She waitressed at a Chilli/Spaghetti joint and most recently at Big Boy. But she never lost hope. Never gave up and never let herself get so down that she did not return to that which she loved. Signing.

Because she would often compare our lives and become disheartened when she didn't have the money to shop (because oh, you had BETTER DAMN believe she is a DIVA in every sense of the word!)and say “but Robyn you can do this, or that, etc.” and I have always thought “well, if your ass went to SCHOOL you could do all those things that those of us in the work world can do too!”. But I never made that statement to her. I know that she would have felt that me, her sister from another mother, along with the rest of the Joe Shmoes just didn’t understand. And to be honest, I didn’t. Not until now. I didn’t understand what kept her going, working menial jobs, while still trying to make demos or still trying to figure out how to make it in that industry. I have never looked at the reason that she did not finish school, did not get a “typical” job and did not give up on her dream. But I see it for what it is now.


She has true passion and desire and LOVE for what she is trying to accomplish!!! Not many of us can truly say that we have that in terms of our chosen profession. I damn sure can’t. My profession is a means to an end, not a reason to rise each day. I mean I “kinda like “ it, but she LOVES her chosen profession. She has that . And I honestly can say I wish I did. Now, I know that most of us have not been fortunate enough to have the support to just “follow your dreams” even if those dreams aren’t turning into dollar signs cause errry’body gotta eat But she has been fortunate enough. Shouldn’t life not be about what you do to to get by, but about what makes your heart sing? Should life not be about. Making your dreams come true if you can?

I used to resent her refusal to go into the corporate world because I thought her selfish. Selfish because she and her husband could have so much more if she just had a good job, her mother wouldn’t have had to sacrifice to help her out in addition to taking care of herself. But the one thing I never thought about is that the people who have been supporting her financially have also supported her dreams. And that also is worth it’s weight in gold. She didn’t hold them at gunpoint, she didn’t force them to help. They did it because they BELIEVED in her. She has a husband who , knowing that this was her dream when they MET supports her following her dreams. She will be 35 this year and she JUST enrolled in a dramatic arts school in NYC. How many husbands would support that and how many people would have the courage to go for their dreams in this way. It takes a WHOLE LOT OF SACRIFICE and a HELL OF A LOT of courage to reinvent yourself and keep moving when you have not had doors open up the way that you thought you would have at this point in your life.

So, not instead of privately scoffing at her “chasing a pipe dream” I now admire and envy her for going AFTER her dreams. Isn't that what we tell our kids to do (go after your dreams….you can be anything….blah, blah) but as soon as they do, we admonish, chastise and sometimes belittle their dreams depending on what they are? The real world is a hard place and we do that out of concern and care. I know that. But wouldn’t it be nice if we could ALL just go after what we WANTED to do instead of what we HAVE to do?? Going after your dreams isn’t always easy, but if you can do so, why wouldn’t you want to go after something that makes you happy?

I would.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Religion....or lack thereof.

So there I was, sitting with my 18 month old, Dylan, wondering when would the “right time” be to introduce him to “religion”. I’m sure that many of you who are faithful attendees are saying “the right time?” Well, my story is this: I did not grow up attending church per se (to be exlplained later) though I do want him to be exposed to Christianity. I ‘ve struggled and said “Well, he’s too young now to understand” and I heard the words of my mother in my head…….

“I so wish I had given you the foundation, that I had as a child…going to church and being raised in the church….. sometimes, I think that during the times that you have had challenges it would have made it a little easier for you to get through if you had had that deeply rooted faith….. I feel like I failed you sometimes”. And though I don’t mfeel like my mother failed me in ANY way, I do wonder if I would be into the church like some of my friends are if I had grown up with it. What does scripture say “train up child …..and he shall never depart from it”? Hmmmm…..so I wonder. I am spiritual however and believe wholeheartedly in God. Period. I pray and I talk to God, I ask him for guidance and have faith.

My mother raised me by herself and for whatever reason, we never went to church on Sunday. I now can see just how tired you can be when you are raising a child AND working full time AND being the mommy and the daddy. I do not fault her for NOT taking me and for my NOT being raised in the church. I however, want my child to be as well equipped with a good sense of God earlier than I did. It was not until I was older (in my 20’s) that I even went to church (though still sporadically) more than I did growing up. Me & Mom went to church only on the “special holidays” and then ONLY on some of those.

As a child, I used to be around my grandmother (my mother’s mother) who was a Jehovah’s Witness. I should have gleaned some knowledge of the Bible from her right? Nope. You see, because I didn’t understand what the Bible was, I tuned out all the stuff that passed across my ears, after all I wasn’t being tested on it. My grandmother wasn’t really trying to teach it to me either, because I just happened to be around most of it because she and my granddad were my Mom’s only babysitter’s. I believe that she also knew my mother didn’t really agree with her new choice of religion, so she didn’t force it on me. Anyway, I attended the Kingdom Hall Sunday service numerous times and even went to the 3-day National Congregational Gathering that was held ad the Pontiac Silverdome every summer with my grandma. I went “in service” (going door to door to solicit the publications) with her. I went to peoples homes with her when she would go for bible study and through allllllllllllll of this, I didn’t retain one drop of knowledge. You see, since I was young, I have a knack for OBLITERATING anything I am not interested in, out of my mind. I can tune ANYONE out at ANYTIME and literally wipe it from my memory. And because the language of the bible made no sense to me, when there was reading being done from the bible, I immediately went into “tune out” mode. Heck, I just wanted to be up under my grandma anyway…..I wasn’t paying attention.

With that said, all of the “who so art thou’s” and the “he soeth ever shall’s” and the various other verbiage of the Bible always served to confuse me because I had NO IDEA what it was saying! So, I did what?….. I tuned it out……. I am not proud of it, but it was what it was.

Now, I say all that to say that later in my growth, I went to church with friends or for christenings, etc. and came to understand a little bit more. I will never forget one day I was talking to my best friend Jennifer, who was raised in the church and is a singer by profession. She knows all of the meanings of things and the ins & the outs of church service and protocol. I felt so stupid asking questions that a 5 year old would ask, but I felt that it was time to garner some knowledge. I also knew that Jen would not look at me like I had grown 7 horns and 5 tails just because I was asking these questions. I mean, I asked everything from “what is a consecration?” to “so what happened in the Bible when….” And to be honest with ya’ll there are STILLLLLLL plenty of stories that flat out don’t know or that I am not 100% or even 50% sure of all the details. Some of them are common ones that most people might be appalled to know that I don’t fully know.

Though I have always been less than knowledgeable about the Bible, I have ALWAYS #1 had a belief in GOD and have ALWAYS known the difference between heaven and hell, and have always believed that the devil is real. I pray and I am spiritual. I love God and I want to grow closer to him.

I fear death. I really do. I think that if I had more of an “abiding” faith that I would not fear it so. I know that God does not deal with things people consider tangible. By that I mean, his world is made of faith. I believe in everlasting life, but as a human being and due to my nature, because I cannot SEE IT and can’t TOUCH IT, I have a problem visualizing it. Did you understand what I said. I BELIEVE that it is so, but I have a problem VISUALIZING IT. I guess my faith needs some work.

But then again, I also consider myself faithful. There are some times when I KNOW it was nothing BUT God that saw me through to the next day and out of some funky-assed situations that I have been in. I know that He is the reason I awake every day. But I feel that I still do not have that deeply innate “abiding” faith that I should have.

I just had an interesting talk with Zed about this and I was telling him that though I CHOOSE to introduce Christianity to my child, I do not denigrate any one elses religion. As a matter of fact, I WANT my child to be worldly and well versed and knowledgeable about other religions. After all, I cannot dictate his actions, but for so long. That is why I do want him to learn about Christ and learn the Bible FIRST.

I do not have a church home, nor do I really WANT to go to church MYSELF every week. I want the message, but do not like all of the other extra stuff that takes your weekly church service up to a 2-4 hour visit. I do want Dylan to go though and learn ( yes, I am also contradictory in my desires). Also t here has not been a church that has kept me and “filled me up” that I have found yet. Or rather, there has not been a pastor or reverend, sans ONE (who died several years ago), with whom I felt a connection and whom I felt fed my “spiritual belly”.

I guess I’ll just take it one day at a time and keep the faith *smile*

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Now hear Dis.

Just so ya'll know ya girl is da shiznit! (but I guess I ain't too logical) .....but hey, I'm a damn GENIUS...we can't be good at errrrythang! LOL

Your IQ Is 110

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average

Your General Knowledge is Genius

I stole this little bloggy thingy from Chele

O.K.....on to the post of the day!!

You know, when I was little I got teased allllllllll the time by other people in the neighborhood who said I “talk proper”. I grew up around a good mixture of black and white people and my mother has always had excellent diction and a great vocabulary. My mother did not let me say “gimme” or “I dunno” or “I ain’t” or anything of the like. She also did not let me say “fart”…..it was “pass gas”. She also didn’t use the slang words for body parts. The only thing that was an exception this was “pee” and “poop”. She used those all the time! LOL If there was a word that I did not know, from EARLY on she would say “look it up”. “But ma”, I would say, “I can’t spell it”. “Sound it out” was the response.

I feel that I was given the tools to survive in this “corporate (and mostly white) working world” from day one. And I thank my mother for it.

Interestingly enough, English was always the one subject that I could ace without even TRYING throughout my school years. So, I do know that some of this was natural ability as far as my burgeoning style of diction. It just came naturally. But, kids learn what they hear and what they are around. Now, math….that was a whoooole other funky arena, but if you gave me an essay test or ANYTHING that I had to write, I could bullshit my way outta a paper bag while only having a smattering of facts before me. It worked EVERYTIME. You know how they say that everyone has their own gifts…..well, I guess bullshitting and English were(are) mine! LOL

And it’s funny but when I hear black people who speak in all slang or who “naturally” have a “ghetto twang” to their voice inflections and style, I know that they will be limited in how far they will go (unless they own their own business). It is a hard and true fact that the way you SOUND is typically MORE important than how you look. Case in point. I bet that if you go to an interview slightly shabbily dressed or just not in an “interview worthy” outfit that as long as you SOUND professional, you’d beat out another black person with the SAME credentials, dressed to the professional nines, but who did not enunciate as well and whose diction was not as precise as yours.

The way you sound matters. It supercedes all education, and all of the visual indicators or professionalism.

And though I know the “correct” way to speak, I find myself using more slang when I am around my friends or family. I can “code-switch” between the slang and the corporate-speak at the drop of a dime because my brain initially LEARNED to speak that way. When I see a child who speaks in the “ I own no whut’chu tawkin ‘bout”’s and who has no idea how to speak the way most of the business world speaks, I can’t help but be saddened. Why? Because once your brain “learns” how to pronounce certain words, it’s verrrrry hard to undo. Hence, the reason someone who grew up speaking Spanish will pretty much FOREVER have an “accent” to our American ears. In just that way, even when people who grew up speaking in a slang/black way, it sounds contrived when they try to sound more “proper”. This affects what jobs they will get and potentially where they go in life. All based on something simple as the way you speak. Because it’s a fact that most employers white or otherwise do NOT want someone who sounds “typically” black. Haven’t you noticed that one of the basic criteria found in a job description is “ excellent verbal and written skills”???

I am raising my son and I sometimes find myself using slang around him, and at least right now, I really need to stop it. I do believe that because he is around my husband and I,whose voice quality and pronunciation is typically “proper”, that he will be fine. But I don’t want to take any chances. A black man in America has a hard ENOUGH time getting advantages and moving up. He doesn’t need to have to “think” about how he sounds adding to his things to overcome.

So, I must admit, though I want my son to grow up around an equal number of blacks and whites, if I had to choose, I’d rather him grow up and learn to sound more white than black. Not BE more white than black. There is a difference. My husband and I struggle with how to achieve this. But the good thing is that we’ve still got time and he’s only 18 months. But those seeds of language are growing NOW…. I ain’twon’t be as careless anymore when it comes to the usage of slang around my baby…..time to prepare for the future.

So, here’s my question. I often hear children using a plethora of “slang” and I myself use it. How important is it to you and do you think that how you sound matters?

Friday, January 06, 2006

Rush to work and opinions

This post is a double post really rolled into one so.......

DISCLAIMER: This is a lonnnng post….. so bear with me

I was coming into work today and I was heading toward the escalator as I usually do. There’s always a throng of people trying to beat each other in a rush to get to their respective desks ( it almost seems like some secret million-dollar game where if you have the fastest time from shuttle-to-desk, you win! LOL). The building I work in is a huge building (for those of you in Detroit, I work in the Ren Cen)which has 6 main towers, 4 of which have 39 floors each of which each floor houses approx 130 people. You do the math. The other tower are probably 20 floors or so of equal spacing. This facility also has a 70-something floor Mariott hotel in the middle. So, as you can tell, there are a gazillion people constantly coming and going during the day….especially around the 8:00am hour. Well, we have shuttles that bring us hither and tither from the parking structure as we park a couple blocks away.

And it has aaaaaaaalways amazed me that whites and a lot of blacks alike (but mostly the whites)hit the ground damn near RUNNING, almost knocking folks over once they get off the shuttle just to get to their offices! It’s just how the atmosphere is. It’s amazing. It’s the stupidest display of “I gotta look like I am really interested in getting to this muthafucka at the crack’a dawn’s ass” that I have ever seen! No lie, you can feel a breeze rush past you if you are not damn near trotting alongside most of these early-bird-get’s-the-wormer’s. For me, it just ain’t that deep. Though I am EXTREMELY thankful to have a job with Detroit having the HIGHEST unemployment rate in the entire country, I also know that the damn work will be there when I GET there and there is no reason to bust out the gates to get there.

FLASHBACK:Hmmm….this story reminds me of the time a couple years ago, when my stankin ass boss said that it “seemed” that I don’t have a “SENSE OF URGENCY” because I walk at a NORMAL, but more slowly (than the rest of these irritating, anxious white folks) when I’m on my way, minding and taking care of my fuckin business throughout the day, doing whatever it is, I am doing. Bitch please! The rapidity of my gait has NOTHING to do with my sense of urgency and is in NO MUTHAFUCKING WAY an indicator of such. Dumb-ass-bitch. I just stood there and looked at her, like “bitch, you CAN’T be serious and you’d BETTER now try to use that shit against me in my annual review”.

O.K., I’m back…..

But as I was saying these folks are too funny (actually they are too stupid). But I also attribute this to my “white folks are just plain and simply (for the most part) different than black folks”. Stuff they get their draws in a bunch over, most black folks ain’t trippin on.

Anywho….opinions…… everyone has them right…they’re like assholes. I know. But when is it O.K. for an opinion to be considered offensive? I am not talking about something blatant like

“you are stupid as fuck”
“You look like a fat bastard”

Or even
“Damn, you’s a cock-eyed son-of-a-gun”

I’m speaking of a bit more subtle differences in the way we lead our everyday lives.

Lemme ‘splain…. I have a friend who recently had a baby. She lives one mile from me. I have known here since we were 14. In high school we were always together to the point that if you saw one, you’d pretty much see the other. We were roommates in college for 2 years also, and though we don’t see each other as much, and aren’t technically as close (i.e. we don’t talk every day, and until she had got pregnant, we kinda drifted into talking only every other week or so), she’s still considered by me to be one of my closest friends.

I’d offered to let her use my baby bassinet since I know how it is to have a new baby, be sore as hell, and the baby’s room just seems like sooooo far away at 3am when you as a new momma are wondering “Is his lil ass BREATHING….I can’t HEAR shit on the monitor”. So, I know the invaulableness of a bassinette. But….. I know it’s not for everyone. Pre-baby, she was like “nah…. We’re cool…we’ll just use the crib”. Cool, no problem. The night she got HOME from the hospital with the baby, she calls and is like “uh….. I think I want the bassinette”. Again, cool, no prob.

So, now, it’s 2 ½ months later. She’s done with it and they want to return it. Cool. They wanted to return it the day before we were leaving for Atlanta. She’s like “Yeah, ____ (her husband) has pulled it out from the basement and it’s sitting in the front vestibule as GUARANTEE that we’ll go ahead and get it to you guys *laughter*” Well, I got some kinda nasty-ass food poisoning that left me SICK AS A DYING DOG the 2 days before (which by the way I wasn’t even 1/2-way RIGHT, colon-wise until WELL into my Atl. trip). My girl & her hubby wanted to come on that night. Well, they didn’t call and I was sick, so I wasn’t pressed. So the next day (I wasn’t even thinking about it and I didn’t hear from them and me & my hubby went to sleep early.

We get back from Atl. and she called me and said that they wanted to get the bassinette to us. O.K…… So a day or so passes, we’re chillin and didn’t feel like having company or even talking to anyone.

Hold up. This is where I explain myself….I have always been one who believes that if I don’t feel like talking to you, I am not going to answer the phone. Nothing AGAINST you, but maybe I’m in a bad mood, maybe I’m with my son,maybe I just plain DON’T WANT to be bothered! But I’m NOT going to pick up the phone, have a STANK attitude (because I don’t wanna be on the phone anyway) just to say that at least I answered the phone.

So, to make a long story short, they are like hounding us to bring this damn bassinett back! She’s calling, texting me on my cell, calling my cell, etc over a 2 day period! Me & my husband had gotten into a HUMOUNGOUS fight on New Year’s Day and I just wasn’t in the mood to see ANYONE. And my thing is CAN’T YOU SEE WE JUST DO NOT FEEL LIKE BEING BOTHERED IF I’M NOT CALLING YOU BACK OR ANSWERING THE PHONE?????

So, when I finally do text her back (which the bugaboo-ness was making me REALLY not want to call) I was like,”I know you guys wanted to bring the basinnett, but we just wanted to chill and weren’t up for company(not wanting to detail the fact that I had had drama in my household) so, I’m sorry that we didn’t get a chance to hook up,but if you wanna come over tonight (on 1/3) that’s cool”.

She texts me back “ Ya’ll are a trip…… we didn’t even have to visit, we just wanted to drop the thing off, but tonight’s cool”

So when her and her husband comes over, she proceeds to be like “ You are so trifling…..”. Now, I have been called this before due to my not answering the phone unless I feel like being bothered, and I CAN’T FUCKING STAND IT! My thing is, WHY do I have to entertain conversation and “fake it”if I am not in the mood to appease you???? Yes, I am happy that you have reached out to me, but if I am not in the mood, I am NOT IN THE MOOD. PERIOD. It’s not slight on you! But I have 2 or 3 friends who if I do NOT either 1. answer the phone EVERY time they call or call them back within the day that they called, they call me trifling. That shit grates on my nerves BADLY.

So, then ,my girl, my long-term friend says “well….what if I had needed you…..what do people do when they NEED you?!!!”

I replied “ But you DIDN’T need me.”

She said “But if I HAD needed you, YOU wouldn’t have answered the damn phone!”

I saidBUT.YOU.DIDN’T.NEED.ME……I don’t deal if ‘what-if’s’ if you HAD”VE needed me the messages , which I do listen to, would’ve said something about the fact that you NEED ME….but they didn’t!!! SO what’s your point?!!”

At this point I’m getting super-heated and though me and her have NEVER had ANY type of blow-out, knock-down-drag-out arguments, I could feel a “well, fuck you if that’s the way you feel” coming on.

So, I said “So why was it sooooo urgent to bring the damn thing over???? Why couldn’t you have just waited for me to call you back??? You all actin’ like it was a rotting corpse you nwere trying to get out’cha damn crib!”

She says “Well, we had had it in the car (a Pathfinder) for the past 3 days and had thought ‘oh they’re just around the corner, we’ll SURELY just be able to drop it off’ but ya’ll nigga’s refused to answer the phone”

I said “well that’s YO fault for putting it in the damn car BEFORE you knew MY ASS was ast home to receive it! I mean, was it taking up THAT much space at your (4 bedroom, 2,200 sq. ft) house???”

She says: “That’s not the point Robyn! (sounding irritated as hell) You just trifling and need to answer the damn phone”.

I was just like “whatever…….”

She then says in the most disgusted way she could apparently conjure up “ Well, I tell you what…. I will NEVER put myself in the position to HAVE to depend on you for anything……..”

It took all I had not to say “FINE BITCH !!!”

I said “It’s not that deep ______(her name)”

The end all is that I feel that her opinion of me as “trifling” is wrong. Reason: just because I do not handle the events in my life the same way you do doesn’t make me trifling! Example: Just because a guy may say “ I don’t like to cut my underarm hair” does that make him “trifling”? I don’t think so. Just because I choose not to talk at certain times, doesn’t make me trifling. Often times I call back later that day or the next day. But I’m still trifling.

And I guess I care for the same reason that no one would want to go around with the moniker “LIAR”. It’s pejorative and an O.P.I.N.I.O.N. , but to me it’s not true. The shit just bugs the living heck outta me **seething as I speak**

But I constantly have to deal with these select mu’fucka’s who (like I said) unless I answer EVERY ONE of their calls or call them back post-haste, label me as trifling.

One day, this “trifling” individual is gon curse Erry’ONE of them out..

be e-z...and I'll try to be too

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Back to life...back to reality...back from Atl.

Hey good black people,

Happy New Year and all that!!! I am finally back from the Atl. and I was happy to go, but happy to get back too. You know how when you go on vacation, especially those of you with kids, traveling is HELL when they’re little and when you’re not in your own house you can’t “fully” relax. We went to see my mother-in-law and we stayed with her. Wellll…. She smokes….I abhor it…..but the beauty of this was that our quarters were on the lower level of the house. The bad thing was that I wanted to stay down there ALL THE TIME because I Hate smoke (with a capital “H”). My Mom smoked all my life and I vowed that I never would and I have never had the desire, but since I am not around it much, I can’t take too much of it anymore. I probably didn’t spend as much time with my mom-in-law and his grandma as I woulda liked to simply because I really can’t take being around too much smoke anymore.

But anyway, my mom-in-law was sooo happy to see her grandson that it wasn’t even funny! And it was good for them both. My husband , therefore was in total bliss. You see, he struggles with the fact that 99% of his family is in Atlanta and he doesn’t get to see them often at all. His grandmother is older and slightly ailing and he worries, so having evvvvvveryone together was heaven for him. I was just glad that I got to hit some new shopping venues that we don’t have in Detroit! LOL

But all in all it was a good trip. My son got to bond with his cousins (another thing that I hate is that he’s not able to “grow up” with his cousins) and I love that because, I pretty much grew up in a small family ( on my mom’s side) and was not close with my Dad’s side until I was well….grown….in age at least (around 20 or so). So, I loved the fact that he was able to be around his cousins who are 2 ½ and 5 ½.

We got to go out to the movies and see The Chronicles of Narnia. If you ever read and loved the book as a child, go see it…it’s a great movie. We went out to dinner at a favorite restaurant of mine (which we do NOT have here **growl***) the Cheesecake Factory, and all in all got some mommy & daddy free time, which is something we hardly EVER get in Detroit. Though I have family here, them nigga’s have “schedules” and things to do, so it’s hard to coordinate unless it’s ridiculously well in advance. And most times we just don’t roll like that, hence, often times it’s me, hubby and the baby at home. And consequently, we do not get much relief. So, I was LOVIN being in the Atl.!!!! I’m still thinking about a move to GA strictly for this reason!!

On to the topic of the day! I was listening to the radio this morning and the question to the listeners was :

If you think that your man/woman is cheating is it wrong to look through their e-mail, check their voicemail, etc. and how do you feel about it.

I have actually been on both ends of the spectrum, I have been the snooper and the snoopee. And in both situations this holds true: If you’re looking for some shit, you’re gonna find it. Because let’s face it, how many men or women tell their mate ABSOLUTELY everything???? And I am not speaking of deep and dark secrets of lust and desire or embezzlement from your job or the kid you had in Guatemala. I am speaking of everyday shit that you just MIGHT not want them to know, which is harmless to you as an individual, but could piss off your significant other. For example, why does a woman need to detail every man that comes on to her? Why does my husband need to know if an offcolor joke/comment was made to me? For me, with my husband, it would just infuriate him and he’d want to “find that mu’fucka” or know who it was who said what??? Now, I’m not saying that I get hit on all the time or anything like that. Or that I just withhold all kinds of stuff. These are just examples. But I just think that just as when you and your girls or fellas when you and your boys are talking about a significant other and you DAMN sure wouldn’t want them privy to some convo’s between ya’ll, I don’t think that stuff that is harmless to you needs to be open for public examination. Because it would be taken the WRONG way.

Therefore, I do NOT want my husband on my e-mail, listening to my messages,etc. Above and beyond this, I feel that MOST human beings have a need for some privacy (yes, I know that the snooping that I DID was hypocritical as hell!!.....ay….I’m far from perfect). This is MY reason. I was a very private person and NEED to have something that is just “mine” even in the midst of a relationship.

As you can tell I probably have a double standard when it comes to this. I do NOT want my shit snooped upon, but I felt toooooooooootally justified snooping on my ex when I thought he was cheating on me (which by the FUCKING way, he WAS).

Now, one caller said that “You don’t even have to do all that snoopin’ cause in your heart you already know if they’re cheating on you”. To me, this is just plain ig’nant ! The reason: If you just happen to have sum shit twisted, break up with him/her and later find out that you were WRONG, you have done yourself a disservice. I would NEVER break up with someone based on “hearsay bullshit”. Why would you do that to yourself???? Now, If you are the mistrusting type, I guess that’s my answer right there….but, I don’t believe in guilty until innocent.

So….how do you guys feel about this?

be e-z.....