Wednesday, February 21, 2007

All I got

So…. It’s been a while since I posted. Ain’t nothing much changed…… I am getting more used to being overworked and feeling like I can never catch up (just a little bit)….. ½ of me feels like “FUCK IT….. I can only do what I can do”, then the other half of me (the part that wants to do a good job) feels like “O.K….. new day, new chance to catch up”, but the latter never comes. So I just rely on the first sentiment and keep it moving.


I am still inundated with shit to do at work and never seem to have a chance to even FIND the time to blog, bullshit or do ANNNY of the shit I used to do at work and I miss it. The reason is simple. Dig the equation:

People who want EVERYTHING yesterday + a work culture that supports it + more work to do than is accomplishable in a reasonable 40 hour work week + me NOT staying late and NOT really fucking WANTING/having the oportunity to do work at home

= My life in stress

This is why shit is stressed. The shit is not rocket science. But shit just piles up and I never seem to catch up. Check this out……..This bastard sent me an e-mail yesterday which basically said that he was pissed and (and I quote) “at a loss for words……. because Ms. Such-and-such that I referred to the company has NOT been given a call and I sent you this e-mail (an e-mail talking about how great his dumb-ass friend is)2 weeks ago”.

I sooooooooooo started to send him some shit that said basically “muthafucka she ain’t OWED SHIT if you ask ME”. But you know I can’t do that. And this company is so fanatical about returning calls/customer service that the founder/president told EVERYONE in the orientation that he would PERSONALLY (and I fuckin quote), “root you out if you do not return calls…..” He said that when he get s a call that there is a complaint (from outside customers more so) that you haven’t returned a call, he WILL.CALL.YOU to ask you “why”. I was thinking “are you serious dude????!” This is an organization with over 4,200 people in it and you will CALL.ME if someone complains about something as simple as me not returning a call?????? So, you know that I was super paranoid when I got that shitty-ass e-mail from this jackass! I just am sooooooo busy that shit does slip through the cracks! I thought that I was pretty organized, but I have never had 20 things going on at once like there are here. Usually there were 5-10 things going on, NOT 20 things. Know what I mean?? And there was far less pressure to “get EVERYTHING done NOW”. Also, the thing that makes this job MORE frustrating is that we (the recruiters) have to report EVERY.WEEK in a meeting, how many interviews we had, how many supervisory interviews we had, how man offers were made, how many offers were signed…… I am NOT used to being tracked EVERY.FUCKIN.WEEK and I do NOT like it!!!! That’s WAAAAAAAY too much attention to my every move! I hate that.

The only bright spot in this: The day flies by……

But I can NOT seem to shake the feeling that I just want to be able to do as I did for five years….. bullshit AND get work done….. and that simply AIN’T reality. So, as it sounds…. I am making some peace with it or just resolving to the idea that it is what it is.

I have been thinking about this and today I am so irritated because it just seems like I am so behind….ALL THE TIME….. I know that I am still in a “learning curve” but I hate being in that stage and in EVERY OTHER JOB that I have EVER.HAD I had time to acclimate comfortably(see: 3-4 months) or even LONGER than that.

I am not a quitter, and by even thinking “I’m not sure if I can do this”, I feel like I am giving up in some way, so I keep thinking that maybe I am 1. being to hard on myself and that it will get easier. So, a natural question (as was Zed's question) is "Are OTHER mufucka's all running around like crazy and do they seem pressed?" My answer is no. I do know that the others do NOT have as MANY jobs as I do (other than my boss..after all,...she IS still a recruiter so she DOES recruiting too). But I SWEAR the other mu’fucka’s do NOT seem as “pressed and stressed” as I am!!! Only one other person on the team has a child and her ass got THREE of them….all 6 yrs and younger! So I know she don’t be staying all late and shit, but my boss, Boss Diva, stays late (as in until 8:30-9:00 almost EVERY.NIGHT. and at least 2 of the other ones stay late too. That ain’t me. Not only can I NOT stay like that, I have a kid and even if I didn’t, I DO.NOT want to stay that late.

Yeah I know this complaining about this is getting old, but I am continually frustrated about it. Always pressed….can barely take a lunch….am working (for real, for real) from the moment I step IN THERE until I leave!). The only thing that is saving them is that I like the company and what it stands for……

Anyway…… that lil boy is the main reason I am doing this… providing another income to allow him/me/us to live a decent lifestyle…….

I am asking Boss Diva again tomorrow “Am I doing enough????” , cause I can’t gauge shit!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Second week in hell....

My second week in hell……

I ain’t made it to purgatory yet.

Well, things are making more sense here but I am STILL going crazy and as of yesterday when I had TWENTY bodies that are needed to fill 13 separate positions, I almost lost it. On Wednesday I was SO FRUSTRATED that I almost broke down in tears.

My boss, a.k.a. Boss Diva had said “yeah….. you got a few too many positions…I’mma give some of them to African1”. I was thinking cool. Well, she and I had scheduled a time to go over the “workload” and how the jobs were progressing (before she left to go out of town) and just how I was feeling in general. I had been said that I needed to talk to her about the workload. I was given NO. LEARNING.CURVE. I was just thrown into the fire and the heat was getting a little too hot. But I didn’t want her to think “oh shit….. I hired the WRONG person, she can’t handle it”. I didn’t know what to say to her. I was so irritated on Wednesday just THINKING about talking to her that I couldn’t even sleep right. I mean, even though she is black and cool and young and very much more like me than anyone I have worked with in a LONNNNG time….. she is STILL my boss and I STILL got the feeling that because she has been here for almost 3 years that she is “desensitized” to the level of PURE.WORK that they expect people to do around here!

Thought confirmed.

Between Wednesday and Thursday 4 more positions came open. Well, when we went to talk yesterday, she was like “O.K…..I completely understand……. well I will take these 3 and I will give ONE to African1”. WTF?????? ONE?????????????????? He has FIVE bodies that needs for positions. I have 19!!!!! I mean, does she NOT see that what she SAID she would do (i.e. take some pressure off me) was negated by the fact that I really HAD 19 and then when the 4 came in were all that she TOOK I was left in the same boat relatively.

Well, we talked yesterday and I had to tell her that I am FLAT OUT overwhelmed (I didn’t tell her that I wanted to cry the day before). Now, my girls Diva and TS used to work with this girl and when I was telling TS that I Was so upset and overwhelmed because people want EVERYTHING NOOOOOOOOOOW and I am ALWAYS feeling behind, she said “ you know what Robyn? Your boss, BossDiva, was JUST.LIKE.THAT. when she went to that company….I used to talk to her ALL THE TIME and she used to feel just as overwhelmed”. Well, TS made me fedl a bit at ease so I was looking forward to going into this meeting and coming out with at LEAST ½ of the 19 jobs taken away since I HAVE only been here TWO FUCKIN WEEKS.

Uh…… how about (though I love her cause she’s cool) BossDiva has OBVIOUSLY forgotten how stressful it is and how TIME consuming just sourcing, phone screening, interviewing for ONE job is and when you have ALL THESE DIFFERENT people breathing down your THROAT and back, that it’s simply ridiculous cause she took four of the (since Wednesday ) now TWENTY-THREE positions away, but that still left me WHERE? RIGHT THE FUCK BACK WHERE I STARTED!!!!!!!!! So you know what? I now have this feeling about it: I will bust my ass and do what I can, but it will GET done when it GET’S done! FUCK THAT! I just ENDED a stressed all to HELL job (though I was stressed for different reasons) but I am NOT going to be stressed here like THAT too. No. I mean, she just DIDN’T.GET.IT. And I do not know how BETTER to make her get it.

She started trying to problem solve and was like “Well, maybe we can have interview blitz days where all we do is interview…….just tell the managers that they will not see resumes for 5-7 days after the job is posted because you are working on many positions……”. I was thinking “BITCH! Do you NOT remember how it was for YOU???? What I NEEEEEEEEEED is about 8-9 less JOBS to focus on since I am still BRAND-STANKIN-NEW!!!!!! THAT is what I NEEEEED!!!!! Or do you just CARE NOT TO remember how it was for your ass???” And ya’ll I didn’t cut NO words for the most part with her ass. I TOLD HER, FLAT THE FUCK OUT (though I left out the part about being stressed almost into tears….she DAMN sure didn’t need to know THAT!) that I was STRESSED, OVERWHELMED and VERY OVERWHELMED. Period. There was no mincing of words. So I do not understand why I still have 19 jobs and there is African1 floating around with 5 (oops, she gave him ONE of mine, so he has 6) jobs when I was PROMISED some help. Giving him one funky ass job AIN’T help!

I just feel that I need to be more able to “ease” my way , but that apparently ain’t to be. So…… I will make my OWN ease and take it like THAT!



And don’t be fooled people…..I am STILL happy to have a job!.