Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Dumb-ass question of the day:

Why in the HELL don’t snack vending machines take pennies???

Huh? HUH?

I think it’s a conspiracy against ME because they undoubtedly KNOOOOOW that I have like…elem-teen THOUSAND and TWO pennies just floating around in my damn purse for the using! I routinely have soooo many pennies in various places that if I totaled them up I could buy me & my husband a nice dinner with it!

I haaaaaaate them damn pennies! They end up on the floor, floating under seats and on top of dressers and since they are the "coin of lesser value", they usually end up wrangling around in the dryer.....and assorted other places or in jars where they collect dust.

Since I am not a “pennie casher” that rolls the pennies and all that, I guess I just need to take them to the grocery store and throw ‘em in the Coinstar machine!

But I swear, life would be a little sweeter if machines took pennies! Hell, MOST stuff in the vending machines ONLY cost less than a dang dollar!!!! Oh, but wait, I just had a vision…..little old ladies standing in front of the vending machines putting them in one…..by one…..by painful one. I would turn gray just waiting for my turn.

On second thought, I’mma go roll some pennies or take em to the bank or Coinstar.

Smell ya later.

Monday, October 24, 2005

What about your friends?

Remember that old TLC song? Well, I was thinking about the whole concept of it all today. How many of us can say that we have true-blue REAL friends? I remember when my father would comment (usually after the 6th unique caller called me on the phone in a 2 hour span) that “All dem frieeeends you THINK got’cho back AIN’T real! You be lucky to have ONE TRUE friend”.

I have always, by nature gravitated more towards having male friends than female friends. How did this happen? Well, it think it’s two fold…..with guys that I liked in high school, due to my being painfully shy, I would kinda sidle up to them and with some, I became “Robyn…the coooool girl”. I hated that shit. And with many girls, I just didn’t do the same things that they did. Meaning, I wasn’t part of the “cheerleader” clique, or the “dates-the-jocks” clique, or the “ghetto-girl” clique or the “nerdy” clique…..I guess if I HAD to “place myself into one of those boxes it would be the “preppy” clique. But I never really felt that I was totally “in” that group either. Because a lot of those girls were plain and flat out were too FAB(fake ass bitches) for me .

You see, though I hung with and was associated with this group by the way I dressed or who I knew in the clique, I never really fit in or WANTED to be “good friends” with some of them. So of the folks in this group I was friends with literally, a handful of them and still keep in touch with ONE of them today, my girl Traci. She ended up being my roommate in college and we have been friends since age 14. She is a TRUE friend. But as for the other female friends…as the road of life separates people those folks simply faded from my existence.

But the male friends that I have garnered through the years have remained steadfast. I also attribute this to the fact that men will give you the “real” unbiased, un-rehearsed truth. Women will sometimes tell lil lies. But it that being a “real friend”?? I too, am guilty of this. Which brings me to the crux of this post.

I love my best friend. She is an “artiste” (said in my best French accent) by nature. But I do not agree with the way she has gone about her life simply because I feel she is capable of so much more. Me and Zed have discussed this many a night because he knows her too as we all went to Michigan State University. You see my friend is a singer. No, not just a girl who THINKS that she can sing, she has a 5-6 octave range and can REALLY sing! Due to her either not being in the right place at the right time or luck just not shining her way, she has never been able to parlay this love into a consistent and enterprising career. She is my age and still only wishes to sing. She is talented beyond belief. I could list a whollllle list of people from the O’jays to Stevie Wonder who have HEARD HER SING and commented on the fact that she had talent/told her to give them a call. But in THAT business, that could be a dime a dozen. I really can’t remember the reasons why connections like those two didn’t pan out either. But that has left her without a recording contract and longing for that stardom. Problem is, she’s no spring chicken and luckily she has a husband who supports the two of them off of his salary and what she brings home from being a waitress. Yes, you heard me…. she is almost 35 and has been a waitress for years just waiting for that “big break”. But she’s TOTALLY happy with this and her husband accepts this as he accepts her. It’s funny cause I told Zed, that if it were MY husband he’da BEEEEEEEEEN told me “uh…..lookie here mayne….. YOU need a job paying more than $2.05 and hour plus tips!!!” LOL

She neither wants to try nor has done anything other then sing since we were in college. She didn’t complete college, due to an opportunity to go on tour with a popular house music group at the time (Inner city----they made the hits “Big Fun” and “good Life” for all those house heads out there) though she is one of the MOST intelligent and bright people I know.

My situation is that because she is EXTREEEEEEEMELY sensitive oh, let’s say about…EVERYTHING, I cannot tell her my true feelings on some issues that regarding her choices etc. (but do I even have the RIGHT to anyway…..anyway). Am I doing her an injustice? Am I doing our friendship an injustice? Shouldn’t TRUE-BLUE friends be able to “take it” when another friend has something to say which may be taken negatively, albeit having been done out of true love as long as it is done with care? I love her dearly, but in all truth, it is her life and due to her sensitivity, my usually open mouth, closes immediately when it comes to her and her career. A discussion would undoubtedly end in an argument. She is the type of person to get EXTEREMELY offended because her stand on the issues that I have with some of her choices are SET. IN. STONE.

Sometimes I do feel like I am not being the best friend I can be because on sensitive issues, I don’t feel that I can be totally honest without hurting her. But then I think that is it not also a good friend’s responsibility to be considerate, caring and thoughtful when it comes to the feeling and emotions of their friends? I do find myself giving a “gradation” of my true feelings, when deep down it bugs the SHIT outta me. But everyone can’t take everything. And though I would NEVER come off as harsh or rude….. some folks just can’t stand the truth……

So how many of you all tell little lies to friends to “save” feelings from getting hurt?
How much of the truth is o.k. to “eliminate” from your conversation and if you do are you not being a true friend???

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The Seven's

Seven Things I Plan to do Before I Die:
1.Have another child
2. Travel to Australia
3. Own a dog
4. Enter into the Real Estate Arena
5. Lose about 50 pounds and put on a tight-ass RED wrap-style dress
6. Meet my grandchildren (that is if my children have children)
7. Own my own business (what, I’m not sure of just yet)

Seven Things I Can Do:
1. Listen objectively and give an unbiased opinion
2. Tell you the names (or at least recognize upon hearing) most disco songs
3. Be a true friend
4. Take imaginative and creative pictures
5. Debate my point of view and substantiate it
6. Shop til I drop !!!!
7. Love like it’s the first time, everytime…..

Seven Things I Cannot Do:

1.Clean up vomit easily (I know, I know…. I have a child…I SHOULD be able to do it and if I HAVE to I will *scowling* but the times that I’ve HAD to, I have almost gagged).
2. Catch a glimpse of man urinating in public and not get IMMEDIATELY nauseous! (and yes I have been unfortunate enough to see this tooooo many times)
3. Roll my tongue....I guess I don’t have the gene *shrug*
4. Talk on the phone if I don’t want to (if I’m NOT in the mood….it’s best for me NOT to talk to anyone, cuz if I do, it ain’t gon’ be right)
5. Get into a BLAZINGGGG argument and just “let it go” soon after the argument. I will hold an attitude until TOMORROW if my anger hasn’t subsided.
6. Imagine my life without my son
7. Get up the motivation to go back to school.... I want a master's degree, but the idea of having EVEN LESS time to myself is sooooo unappealing at the moment.

Seven Things that Attract Me to the Opposite Sex:
1.Smile….if the GRILL ain’t in place…..I can’t fuck wit’cha.
4.Compassion and sensitivity (that’s one item on my list, cause they go hand in hand)
5.Being well groomed. There’s nothing nicer than a man who has on nicely pressed clothing, some tight shoes and just LOOKS “together”.
6.Being a good kisser (I know, you really can’t jusdge that upon sight, but if it’s there, it’s that much more attractive!)
7.Shoes. They say that a man’s shoes says a lot about him and it’s true….I’m a sucker for a man in nice shoes!

Seven Things I Say Often:
1. Who in da hell?
2. who did it (more of a statement than a question)
3. I can’t stand it when…
4. boom-shacka-lacka-lacka-boom
5. You know what……(with the raised eyebrow…a la the Rock)
6. What da FUCK?
7. shit fire, save matches…..

Seven Celebrity Crushes:
1.The Rock ( my husband mentions this penchant EVERY time my second husband is on t.v.) J
2. Maxwell.... I've been to his concert 4 times….two were back to back on the same tour! Lawd this is a sexily-understated-sexy man….We could DEFINITELY do a little sumthin’ sumthin, whenever, wherever, whatever!!! LOL
3. Lenny Kravitz (in a weird kinda way I like him…but his idio’s would SURELY get on my EVERY LAST nerve by daybreak)
4. Al Rod (Alex Rodriguez….he’s just a cutie)
5. Q-tip (I met him not once but TWICE and though I have NEVER understood how them lil white chicks are at concerts crying and hyperventilating and shit…… I was about 2 degrees down from that….. I was with two of my best male friends in NYC at the Kenneth Cole store and in he walks with Ali Shaheed ….I.almost.lost.it. Ya’ll don’t understand…I’m a HUUUUUGE Quest fan!)
6. Morris Chestnut (he seems like a nice guy to boot AND has beautiful teeth)
7. LL Cool J….. (he’s reppin for alllll the men the way he’s kept it tight over the past 20 years!! )

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Prince got a hairy booty!

Have you ever smelled a man that was so funky that you had to get up and LEAVE the area and you were left wondering “doesn’t HE smell himself”??? Or ladies, have you ever smelled the pussy-funk of a girl that either had been wearing some pantyhose WITHOUT draws on or was just plain STANKIN? (I don’t care WHAT you say, that little snatch of doubled-up nylon in the crotch portion of pantyhose does NOT a panty make!!! That shit inevitably ALLLLLLLLLLLWAYS leaves yo’ ass-crack FUNKY AS HELL and (a la da brat…so oooo-oooo, so ooo-ooo, so ooo-ooo fundafiiiiiiiied)!!! EVEN IN THE WINTER!!! I’m sorry, and this is for small girls, big girls ….WHOEVER!) I don’t know WHYYYYYYYYY hoes think that their little coochies are just the freshest things since Massengill after being trapped up in some shit that DON’T BREATHE???? Da hell???? I have smelled both (not by choice, but because da funk was trying to escape from it’s “bondage” and I’m like “what in the HELL possessed her to NOT put on any draws” or in the men’s case, what in da HELL made you think we wanted to smell yo pits and if I can smell it…. you can too!! At least “check yo’self” before you expose me to this funk-tasticness!!!!

Since I have an unusually keen since of smell, I can get a WIFF of any kind of funk and damn-near pinpoint it’s origin. I have been around tooooooooo many women (in locker rooms, changing rooms,etc.) and they could just be changing their clothes and I’ll catch “the wiff” and will then think to myself “damn yo ass stanks!” I HAAAAAAAATE smelling other hoes pussy-funk. Hell, I hate smelling MINE ! Which is why if I even THINK I am funky “down there” I will politely excuse my-damn-funky-self and go “freshen-up”. There is NOOOOOOOOO reason for grown folks to be funky and act like they don’t know it.

Now, as for guys, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.


That shit is not 1. sexy 2. attractive 3. cute 4.appealing or 5. odor-reducing.
And for the purposes of this discussion, I am focusing on #5. I can’t stand wanting to be close to my man and have him put his arm around my shoulder only to have my eyes, lips and nose be greeted by a gigantic bush of black and white (from the deodorant) hair!!! Don’t ya’ll know that THAT shit is a turn-off for most of us??? Hell, I will have broke out in a damn rash on my face and in my nose fucking around with yo underarm forest! And to top it off, due to the ginormous distance between the skin and the deodorant (thanks to the bush) there is very LITTLE work being done by the deodorant. It’s sititing on TOP of the hair!! Please, for the love of all that is fresh and CLEAN, CUT THAT BUSH!!!

I can hear those of you like Zed’s ass who are proclaiming emphatically “fuck that! I ain’t cutting SHIT”. Well, I guess ya’ll will continue to have funky ass underarms and yellow sweat stains in shirts because of some inane ass macho-bullshit idea that “real men don’t cut their underarm/pubic hair”. Well, funk on ya’ll, funk on!

The idea that it is not macho to TRIM (I didn’t say shave the ENTIRE shit off…which in MY opinion would be LOV-ELY) the shit is utterly ridiculous!!! It’s so much of a better look too. Be a little metrosexual….it’s O.K……it ain’t all that bad guys. That goes for the pubic’s too. No woman wants a mouthful of funky ass ball-hair!!!! You want some head.... I want a you to trim your nut-hair! But that’s a whooooooole nutha topic (I know Zed….I’ll get to it tomorrow maybe) But it’s the truth…… Hair breeds bacteria in moist conditions. And what is more prone (other than twats and balls) to be moist BUT underarms!

But hey….if this idea caught fire, it could REVOLUTIONIZE the deodorant industry. All of a sudden the “funkiness factor” would be cut in half!! There would be no NEED for companies to research *new and improved* ways to fight “odor and wetness”. I have the solution RIGHT HERE for MANY of these cases!

1. Cut the hair
2. Put on deodorant that fights odor and wetness.
Problem solved.
DAMN I’m a genius!!!!

Now of course there would be those with the embedded-funk. That calls for more extereme measures of bathing and soaking, but all in all, I think we’d have 50% of the funkies beat! Same for women. I don’t care HOW you do it, wear some draws, use some FDS if you know ya ass is funky-stank-nasty and make the world a better place for you and me.

Stink you very much,

Friday, October 14, 2005



If ever there were a number that brings back old and fond memories, it’s 1669. That number represents the numerical address where 3 of my closest male friends lived during my last 2 years at Michigan State. It was an off-campus townhouse and these three bachelors (who me and my roommate had gotten cool with when we all live on the same floor in our dorm) were awesome and turned out to be three of my best friends.

We all met in 1989 when (sidenote: DAMN THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO!!!!) we lived on the brother and sister floors in Aker’s Hall at MSU. It was the year we all were finding out what it was really like to be independent and though all but me were freshman, we enjoyed each other’s comraderie and became lifelong friends.

We have been through so much together and are STILL very good friends. Many people couldn’t see how 3 guys and 2 girls could be “just friends”. Well, it was very simple for us. Melvin and Jay were roommates in the dorm and went to high school together and Steve folded into the group somewhere along the line. Me and Rashidah were roommates and had become good friends.

Since they lived off campus, on the weekends we’d try to escape to their crib because they were KNOWN for having the 1669 parties! And though they ALL had women at one time or another they knew we were their true road dawgs and vice versa. We were like their sisters and they treated us as such. Head mashes, cursory cursing out-fests, and fued’s if they refused to come pick us up to hang with them for the weekend were all commonplace. We always knew we could count on them and since all three fo them had cars, the only rule was “if we come & get ya’ll….pack a bag cuz we AIN’T playing taxi service and taking ya’ll back and forth!”. We’d be like “yeah, yeah nigga’s…come and get us!!!!”

Now, the boys were like 3 shades of “crazee” as I like to call them. Melvin (who is married to my good friend Samantha….actually, that’s how me & Sam became friends…..when he married her! J ) was always the super-neat studious (not nerdy, but just about his business), cool, down to earth, jokester one of the bunch. Jay, well….let’s just say that pimpin ain't e-z and SOMEBODY’S gotta do it LOL He was the one that was always , always, ALWAYS on super-hype mode (actually he STILL IS, no lie!) out of the bunch and was ALWAYS ready to get sum shit JUMPIN’! Steve, was the mellow-pimp of the group. By that I mean, he was not arrogant, but he didn’t sweat no hoes either. He was calmer, but had (and still has) THEE ABSOLUTE funniest and quickest wit outta EVERYONE! No one can make me laugh like his ass! Now me & my roomie were like two shades of each other too. Shida was the one who was qu-ick to cuss a mothafucka O.U.T in 10 seconds flat and was a basically funny and fun person to be around and me…well…. I’m me, what can I say ? *poppin colla*

If we could catch them at home on a weekend, me & Shida would chill with one, two or all three of them when we could. We would come over Mel would usually cook for our little “family” and we’d either go to a movie or a gig or just hang around the crib. Me & Shida would tell otha muthafucka’s that meandered by “Hey, WE got the pull-out couch…..you betta find you a spot on the flo!” LOL

We had many funny and bonding incidents such as when Jay and Mel were playing around and wrestling and Mel broke/cracked Jay’s waterbed frame by mistake (“it’s all fun & games until somebody put’s out an eye”) and when we went to this party and the shit turned ROW-DEE and the Lansing police decided that they needed to MACE some people for supposed Crowd control. That shit was crazee. This was the time of Chuck D, KRS-One, X-Clan and anything else afrocentric. So you know we were all heated. My boy Steve (who was the DJ at this party) got mace sprayed in his eyes as he was trying to protect/remove his 12’s and get the hell outta dodge. Nigga’s were throwing table and chairs and it was all out mayhem. Once we all got back to 1669, the mood was solemn. Everyone was accounted for, but our spirits felt like they’d been raped and decimated. Steve sat, silently, enraged. He all of a sudden decided that he was going to go BACK up there to get shit “crunk”. We stopped him and he fought back tears and until that night, I had never seen a black man’s spirit after it had been crushed by the weight of oppression and it was then that I truly felt his rage at the injustices at the “hands of the police”. We were all emotionally spent.

We've shared in joys and sorrows, given advice and given tough love and we've grown through it all. It is so wnderful to have friends like these, because they are few and truly hard to find. Maybe it was luck, maybe it was fate, but I am thankful that whatever forces brought us together, we've stayed in each other's lives as we have.

We all are now beginning to start families and are embarking on new phases of our lives and I am glad that I have them to depend on and grow with.

All in all I had some of my most treasured and memorable college moments were with the “1669 Crew” as we referred to ourselves. We still remain tight to THIS day and I can’t imagine my life without them. It was one of the best times of my life.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Tales of the FATBALL.....

Lemme tell you the update on FATBALL first. If you are just joining us, read this first. Got it. good.

O.K., My stank-azz boss (see:VP of HR) was saying that she wanted ME to talk to him FIRST and that THEN she'd talk to him. You have to understand who we're dealing with. She is a miserable woman who is up in errrrrrrry'body's business and tells err'body's business. She is a dumpy-frumpy white woman, who has a thyroid condition that hampers all of her attempts to lose weight and so, she is like a size 16 and is 5"1'.

So….she comes and tells me yesterday that she had a little "talk with him" and that he was "so embarrassed that he turned purple"....whatever bitch. I ain't FEELIN it. She says that she told him that I “handled the comment EXTREMELY professionally" and that it’s “not Robyn’s wish to get you disciplined or fired, but instead to let you know that those comments were unprofessional and that since you are manager that her concern was that what if you said this to someone else….”. She said that he said that as soon as he said it he knew it was wrong. Or did you notice your confederate flag peeking out of your shirt pocket? She said that he said that he was going to apologize. I saw him yesterday IN PASSING (I was coming in and he was leaving….it must’ve been RIGHT after they had talked, cuz she told me right when I got upstairs) and he made NOOOO mention and just made small talk for a minute or so. Maybe he figured that wasn’t the place to apologize for a racial injustice *shrug* whatever. I could care LESS about an apology because THAT ain’t what counts! The fact that the thought even crossed your mind as something that might be “o.k.” to say is the part that bothers me, and an apology AIN’T gon’ change that shyt!

Now, I also partly feel like I am doing myself and black folks an injustice NOT calling the Gods of the Dept. of Civil Rights and the EEOC out with a hostile work environment charge or something. However, I have to eat. Am I sacrificing my pride and my race for food? I don’t know. Am I being a sell-out by NOT making a humongous stink about this?? I know a lot of ya’ll said that I should. My boss is the QUEEEEN of turning an OBVIOUSLY wrong situation into “just something unfortunate” and downplaying it to the MAXIMUM. To REALLLLLY get the desired effect of making a “stink” I would have to start the war. And to be honest, I have enough other shit to stress about in my life OTHER THAN her and adding THIS to my plate does NOT appeal to my palate. So, in a way I guess I am selling-out. For me, this is NOT the place to fight the war. MY boss would turn this around on ME SOMEHOW. Trust me. She does it ALL the time with other shit. She would probably tell the president that it was ME that was overreacting and cite that my reaction at the time wasn’t extreme so “I just don’t know WHYYYY she’s acting like this now” and that “she never TOLD ME that it was a HUGE problem and so I don’t understand…….” (which she will then try to call my credibility into question due to my “late” display of anger). Then she would reference that she had NEVER heard Dan say that and that she’s
”sure” he wasn’t trying to be offensive….blah,blah,blah”…… Do you see where I’m going on this????? She is the MASTER DIFFUSER/BULLSHITTER/GET-IT-TO-GO-MY-WAY muthafucka!

So anywho……She goes on to say “I told him that you were going to talk to him”. and I just looked at her when she said it and she continued on babbling saying how sorrrrrry he was and how he kneeeeew that it was wrong …..yeah, take up for your people, just like I’m gonna take up for mine bitch. And I am so NOT gonna talk to his ass either.... not my job

Cuz yeah if he had’a said that shit to MOST blacks, he WOULD HAVE gotten a terse retort OR gotten the shit slapped outta him and I swear, if this were NOT my bread and butter and if jobs were NOT so hard to come by, I SWEEEEEEEEEEAR that I woulda cursed him out with words that have yet to be created! My boss in her fucking infinite wisdom really thinks that it didn’t bother me that much. But that is because I didn’t make a huge stink about it. You have to understand the culture of my organization and the non-close relationship that I have with my boss. I am ALREADY in a tenuous position with my boss because she views me as a person that routinely “challenges” her authority. No, bitch I just have a mind and I use it. I do what she request for the most part, but if it is something BLATANTLY stupid or redundant, then I’m gonna speak up and object to that shit and suggest a different way. She, however, wants things HER WAY OR NO WAY. She is also a tyrannical micromanager. She wants to know if a fly pisses on my desk, much less anything else that goes on literally. I have had more straight up ARGUMENTS where she REFUSES TO listen to my reasoning, cuts me off, and I end up WALKING OUT OF HER OFFICE, than I care to think about. Actually, I’m surprised I’m not fired already. I just refuse to take her shit, like I used to. You see I was a little more tolerant when I got here of some of her shitty ways. Now? If she makes a smart-assed comment, she’s gonna get one thrown RIGHT back at her ass. Because I seriously dislike this hoe. Beef…it’s for dinner. Oh, and by-the-by…her LAST TWO HR Assistants (which is my gir;s position) filed EEOC charges on her and the HR Manager BEFORE ME filed an EEOC charge on her ass too. Hmmmmmm….what does THAT shit tell you???? I SWEAR I’d pay to read those charges…… they’re probably locked up somewhere so we (the staff) will never come across them. DRATS!

The reason I have let her think that I was not severely bothered about this is two-fold. One, I HATE any conversations that I have to have with her because she is horrible, from her unwashed hair to her lipstick that she proudly proclaims “stays on for 3 days “ (it’s the Revlon ColorStay stuff, but um….that was meant to be WASHED OFF AT DAY”S END YOU DIRTY BITCH) , to her smeared on under eye concealer, her WHOLLLLE hookup just AIN’T a good look. And #2, if she knew just how much I WAS offended, she would NEVER leave me a lone. Meaning, she would view me as the “hostile” negro and this would add stress to an ALREADY retartedly-sour relationship that we have.

So, why stay right. The perks. I make a DAMMMMMN good salary and am NOT overworked. I also get almost a grip EACH month for a “car allowance”, and I have a $2K reimbursement plan(that I do not pay premiums for) that reimburses me for any medical/dental bills for me and my fam that the insurance doesn’t cover! AND I am eligible for a bonus equal to 10% of my salary. Now, you see why I stay???? Because I LITERALLY knew shit was going to be fucked up and could peep her steelo after I had been here for THREE FUCKING WEEKS. I have been here almost 4 years people. Well, it must not be that bad, you say. No, believe me it is. I have a black co-worker who is around my age and she is the ONLY thing that keeps me sane. She "cover’s" for me if I need to sneak out for a minute and she is my eyes and ears and we keep watch other up on the bullshit that her and the damn Labor Relations Manager (who I can’t stand either because he is an arrogant asshole with a horrible nasty attitude and talks to EVERYONE he deals with that’s below him, like they are ignorant and nor worth SHIT and sometimes TELLS them as much depending on who it is. Not me, cuz we're the SAME grade level and HE'D get a hot one from me, but some of his union folks he’s comfortable with). So I really so work for a horrible woman and have to sit next to and occasionally interact with her in-house “spy”/Labor Manager.

I know that was off on a tangent, but I felt the need to vent *breathe, release, breathe, release* and let the clear picture of my working world be told.

And she’s the VP of HR . Yeah, whatever. And I have to agree with X….. HR folks are the WORST offenders of shit! And the bad thing is that if I really wanted to make a stink about anything, I would have to go to her boss (the president of our division) and he would in turn channel it riiiiight back through the “chain of command” to her and I would be FORCED to discuss this with her!!! ARRRRGHHHH!!! This is why I sometimes think that HR is soooo not for my ass!! LOL

Monday, October 10, 2005

Racism Exists

Now, while I know that you all aren’t shocked at that statement, I had an encounter the other day from which I am STILL fuming.

Lemme ‘splain.

There’s this white man that sits about 30 feet from me who up until the other day, I THOUGHT had some semblance of sense. Let's call him FATBALL Sure, he’s goofy and looks like he’s 54 months pregnant (he’s one of those men with skiiiiiiny ass legs and a GINORMOUS stomach). Sure, FATBALL routinely loses information (like once a month) that he shouts to the office “aaaaaaaaaw shoot! I just lost 3 ½ hours worth of work…..I just made a mistake and deleted my work!!!!”(see:dumbass). This happens to this jackass EVERY MONTH! You’da thunk it that he’d have LEARNED to hit the “save as” key by now, but noooooooooooooo. So, as far as I’m concerned, you deserve what you get. Either your fingers are too freakin fat or you are just too dumb to hit the save option.

Whatever…..So me him AND MY BOSS (see: VP OF HR----that would be HUMAN RESOURCES) were at my desk talking. My boss had come over to ask the following question: "if we were allowed to, would you come dressed in a costume on Halloween?" My "no" came out before she'd finished her last word. I do NOT do dumb-ass costumes in front of these goofy as white folks I work with. period. Just like they'll never see me drink....they'll never see the "real" Robyn.

So, FATBALL says TO ME, "Hey,.... don't take this the wrong way (me thinking :uh-oh. whenEVER a white person says THAT dumbass shit, it has ALWAYS been something that they should not be saying, so my spidey-sense was going BATSHIT at this point). Well, I wasn't expecting what he said next.

FATBALL says (in a light,airy and jovial way) "You know what you could be for Halloween?" (note: I NEVER SAID I was going to be SHIT, not here OR otherwise). I said "nooo......"

He says "you could dress up as Aunt Jemima" *echos*


O.K., I can see the look on ya'll's faces right now. It's the SAME GATDAMN. look I had when he said it.

*close ya'll's mouths*

I had a blank look and was speechless. Here. lemme 'splain. If I had have said something, ANYTHING to REALLY address this at THAT moment, trust that I would not eb able to blog to ya'll from this work location today, because my "nigga-stinct" started to go OFF on his ass.

My boss did a quick eye shift that said, without saying anything "oh shit...I know that shit is MUY inappropriate, but if this bitch don't say shit, I won't either".

Now, me and this guy sit abotu 30 feet from one another and he is a "simpleton" kinda person and I am soooo not trying to justify him saying this in ANY way, I am just describing his affect as it were. He is friendly and talks to much. He's one of those nice-but-irritating people who everyone in the office knows if you don't want a simple comment to turn into a 45 minute conversation about NOTHING, DON'T talk to him.

So,I said "uh.... I guess I COULD, but" then before I could say another word, my boss interrupts and said "But would you even want to is the question" with a quizzical look on her face. Don't ya'll KNOW that her bitch ass sat RIGHT THERE and did NOT say a DAMN thing to his lily white ass!! This is the bitch that if you even repeat a 1/2way questionable joke, and SHE HEARS IT.....baaaaaby....her ass will call you into her office quicker than you can BLINK!!!! So I was shocked and APALLED that her "I-used-to-work-for-the-Dept.-Of-Civil-Rights"ASS( as she always notes, to try to prove, apparently, how just and true to the cause she is...whatever bitch) didn't say SHIT! As my supervisor who is the VP OF HR (as she likes to tout), she should've had a discussion with his ass right then and there.

So, then this muthafucka starts talking about how one of his "family members" had a cookie jar with the "aunt jemima/mammy " character on it,and how nice it was, but it got cracked and then started talking about the merits of Hattie McDaniel......what the FUCK EVER!. I was done. The conversation eventually trailed off onto something else and he went back to his desk. I felt wronged and could not get my thoughts together to even reply to this jackass. Because since I AM the Manager of HR, if I'd have responded in kind, it would be MY ASS who got a more serious reprimand! DAMMIT! Now while I have NEVER thought that he is OURTIGHT racist, I feel that there are TOO many white people floating around who have NO RACIAL sensitivity because they live in their "white" communities and deal with their "white " friends and their kids go to a 99.99997% "white" school. You see, here, in and around Detroit, most white folks live waaaay outside the city limits (as far from us as possible) and drive a rediculous amount each day just to go to work. So.... because most blacks (even the middle class) do NOT live out there....they are TRULY not having to DEAL with our black ASSES. Hence, they live their lives thinking and really convincing themselves that #1, racism is dead and #2 that saying shit like that is not that bad.

O.K., so this happened last Tuesday. My boss had to leave shortly after that happened and I wanted to talk to my husband about it, so I didn't say anything about it to her on Tuesday. I didn't get a chance to talk to her Wednesday. Thursday rolls around and she was there for a LIMITED time, so I did take advantage and went to her. Here's the convo:

Me:I wanted to talk to you about what Dan said the other day. I felt that it was inappropriate and wanted to ask that you talk to him about it. As the VP of HR, and you were witness to it, I'm sure that he'll understand...
Her: You know, I am soooo glad that you mentioned that.... I had planned to have that conversation with him, but I am soooo glad that you mentioned it.... I think he knew it was wrong as soon as it came out of his mouth but then he kept going on and made it WORSE, instead of better....
Me: Yeah, so when are you gonna talk to him?
Her: I am going to talk to him next week....I am glad that you mentioned that *fake ass hoe*

Now, her fake ass had NO designs on saying SHIT to him UNTIL I said something because she needed NO statements, no details, no NOTHING...the bitch was THERE! She is FAKE AS HELL and I can't STAND her! She is full of bullshit and babyoil and I KNOW IT!

Fast forward to Friday: She comes to me and says "I was thinking....I think that it would come from you better, because you two are peers and are the same grade and it's good for him in terms of learning from someone who is on his level and you just happen to be the MANAGER of HR, so that's good too" (see: this stankin ass bitch is trying to get outta dealing with it. trick ass.) Now this is not the FIRST time she's tried to pull that "i'mma defer this to you" when she just didn't want to hande some shit. Now, usually this bitch has her nose up in EVERY single item IN THIS OFFICE, but how con-VEN-ient of you to "defer it to me" because "this will be good in terms of building a relationship and he'll take it well from you because you two are both managers, blah, blah, blah". Ya'll do NOT KNOW how much I cannot STAND her ass. I would say hate, but in order to hate someone I believe that you have to have first loved them. And I don't (and never have) loved that hoe. I just chuckled and listened to the rest of her bullshit diatribe and said "yeah o.k."

Fastforward to today: I have made the decision (actually, I'd made it when she suggested that "get out of jail free" bullshit for her own ass on Friday), but I am NOT talking to him. I am not going to tell HER that I am NOT talking to him and WHEN she asks have I, I will tell her that I think that it is HER job to tell him. I mean, she was THERE!! I could see if she were not witness to the shit, but she is the TOP HR person and you are deferring it to me?????? Hell no bitch you will NOT get to sit idly and comfortably by while I do YOUR job. Nope. I don't get paid to. So.... I'll update ya'll on this shit as it unravels.

But answer me this. If that muthafucka DIDN'T know that what he was about to say was FUCKED UP.....why in the HELL did he preface it with "don't take this the wrong way"? Yeah.... my though exactly.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Tendentious Thursdays; Seven Deadly Sins

Hey party people! What’s really gotcha goin’ this week. This was been one of those weeks that has come and I’m glad is going. It’s been a trip from my friend that I wrote about earlier in the week to seeking another income stream (more on that later) but all in all it’s a (as gossip quen Flo Anthony says) a “Friday Eve” and I thinkt hat I’m gonna borrow an idea for a spell from some other cool bloggers X and Organized Noise.

*in my best Charleton Heston voice* “I dub theeeeee Tendentious Thurrrrsdays.

Ten.den.tious adj. Promoting a particular point of view; biased

I have decided to hold an open forum with my fellow bloggers on the merits and questions the “Seven Deadly Sins” bring to mind. Each Thursday, I will discuss a new sin. Today’s sin is *drumroll*….


Envy is a common sin of which I too have been guilty of. I have found myself more often than I should being envious of someone’s success because “I haven’t been able to get to the place where I’d thought I’d be at this age…..”. I have been envious of people that have unlimited wealth and can just “pick” and choose what they want to do today. I have been envious of stay at home Mom’s who can AFFORD to stay and home AND maintain a comfortable middle-class lifestyle. I have not found the keys to any of those things that I have named above.

Envy at times is good because it can be a motivator. If you envy a young lady’s position on the swim team in high school, it may inspire you to forge ahead. As a matter of fact, envy can sometimes be transformed into a positive for the person experiencing it.

I have had people be envious of me and though I sooo didn't see why but(I'm just bein' me).....they were. Made me a lil uncomfy too.

I am sure that there have been times in everyone's life when they were envious at someone's good looks, their status, their abilities, or their lives in general. Envy can be the most destructive because it can surface in almost ANY situation. But does it always have to be that way?

It can turn dangerous and may take advantage of your mind at a high cost in some instances. I was recently watching Dateline or 20/20 and there was a story about this girl who was in foster care, who envied this particular couple of girls, that she tried to be them, tried to turn some of their other friends against them in hopes that they would cling to her, etc. The bad part was, that they were not to be fucked with. One girl hatched a plan with another girl to beat the girl up because she was spreading lies about her to her friends after the girl had stolen her phone book and used it to make calls to the friends. The end all and be all is that through a series of weird events, a young woman, who was friends with the young woman that hatched the plan, killed the envious girl. Wow. I want to be like you and envy you and now, death is the result?Naw..... that just isn't right.

Envy is one of the most potentially destructive sins in my opinion.

What do you envy?
Have you even been VERY envious?
Of what or whom and why?
Do you know people who are very envious?

Things that make you go hmmmm……..

Thoughtfully yours,