Monday, October 24, 2005

What about your friends?

Remember that old TLC song? Well, I was thinking about the whole concept of it all today. How many of us can say that we have true-blue REAL friends? I remember when my father would comment (usually after the 6th unique caller called me on the phone in a 2 hour span) that “All dem frieeeends you THINK got’cho back AIN’T real! You be lucky to have ONE TRUE friend”.

I have always, by nature gravitated more towards having male friends than female friends. How did this happen? Well, it think it’s two fold…..with guys that I liked in high school, due to my being painfully shy, I would kinda sidle up to them and with some, I became “Robyn…the coooool girl”. I hated that shit. And with many girls, I just didn’t do the same things that they did. Meaning, I wasn’t part of the “cheerleader” clique, or the “dates-the-jocks” clique, or the “ghetto-girl” clique or the “nerdy” clique…..I guess if I HAD to “place myself into one of those boxes it would be the “preppy” clique. But I never really felt that I was totally “in” that group either. Because a lot of those girls were plain and flat out were too FAB(fake ass bitches) for me .

You see, though I hung with and was associated with this group by the way I dressed or who I knew in the clique, I never really fit in or WANTED to be “good friends” with some of them. So of the folks in this group I was friends with literally, a handful of them and still keep in touch with ONE of them today, my girl Traci. She ended up being my roommate in college and we have been friends since age 14. She is a TRUE friend. But as for the other female friends…as the road of life separates people those folks simply faded from my existence.

But the male friends that I have garnered through the years have remained steadfast. I also attribute this to the fact that men will give you the “real” unbiased, un-rehearsed truth. Women will sometimes tell lil lies. But it that being a “real friend”?? I too, am guilty of this. Which brings me to the crux of this post.

I love my best friend. She is an “artiste” (said in my best French accent) by nature. But I do not agree with the way she has gone about her life simply because I feel she is capable of so much more. Me and Zed have discussed this many a night because he knows her too as we all went to Michigan State University. You see my friend is a singer. No, not just a girl who THINKS that she can sing, she has a 5-6 octave range and can REALLY sing! Due to her either not being in the right place at the right time or luck just not shining her way, she has never been able to parlay this love into a consistent and enterprising career. She is my age and still only wishes to sing. She is talented beyond belief. I could list a whollllle list of people from the O’jays to Stevie Wonder who have HEARD HER SING and commented on the fact that she had talent/told her to give them a call. But in THAT business, that could be a dime a dozen. I really can’t remember the reasons why connections like those two didn’t pan out either. But that has left her without a recording contract and longing for that stardom. Problem is, she’s no spring chicken and luckily she has a husband who supports the two of them off of his salary and what she brings home from being a waitress. Yes, you heard me…. she is almost 35 and has been a waitress for years just waiting for that “big break”. But she’s TOTALLY happy with this and her husband accepts this as he accepts her. It’s funny cause I told Zed, that if it were MY husband he’da BEEEEEEEEEN told me “uh…..lookie here mayne….. YOU need a job paying more than $2.05 and hour plus tips!!!” LOL

She neither wants to try nor has done anything other then sing since we were in college. She didn’t complete college, due to an opportunity to go on tour with a popular house music group at the time (Inner city----they made the hits “Big Fun” and “good Life” for all those house heads out there) though she is one of the MOST intelligent and bright people I know.

My situation is that because she is EXTREEEEEEEMELY sensitive oh, let’s say about…EVERYTHING, I cannot tell her my true feelings on some issues that regarding her choices etc. (but do I even have the RIGHT to anyway…..anyway). Am I doing her an injustice? Am I doing our friendship an injustice? Shouldn’t TRUE-BLUE friends be able to “take it” when another friend has something to say which may be taken negatively, albeit having been done out of true love as long as it is done with care? I love her dearly, but in all truth, it is her life and due to her sensitivity, my usually open mouth, closes immediately when it comes to her and her career. A discussion would undoubtedly end in an argument. She is the type of person to get EXTEREMELY offended because her stand on the issues that I have with some of her choices are SET. IN. STONE.

Sometimes I do feel like I am not being the best friend I can be because on sensitive issues, I don’t feel that I can be totally honest without hurting her. But then I think that is it not also a good friend’s responsibility to be considerate, caring and thoughtful when it comes to the feeling and emotions of their friends? I do find myself giving a “gradation” of my true feelings, when deep down it bugs the SHIT outta me. But everyone can’t take everything. And though I would NEVER come off as harsh or rude….. some folks just can’t stand the truth……

So how many of you all tell little lies to friends to “save” feelings from getting hurt?
How much of the truth is o.k. to “eliminate” from your conversation and if you do are you not being a true friend???


Chubby Chocolate said...

I lie to most of my "friends", but I don't consider them as such. They like to compete with each other, so I lie and hold back...I guess I'm just as guilty. I only have two people whom I consider my real friend, not including my mother. Two of them I've known since high school. We tell it to each other just like it is, no matter how ugly it may seem. The rest don't matter!

I can't have guys as friends. They always try to get in your panties. All the male friends I have, we've boned and they were horrible in bed, so we've just remained friends. Once you get the sex out of the way...

Melle Mel said...

Okay, I'm going to be honest that sometimes I throw a little white lie in when I'm talking to my girls.

But, when it comes down to important life, career, "should I have an abortion", type matters I let my friends know truly how I feel.

I am thankful that they do the same for me - I think... hmmm...I think I'm going to call my best friend - ha ha!

Knockout Zed said...

Because I know of whom you speak, I would definitely hold back comment. Don't say shit!!!


LadyLee said...

Those are some hard questions, Robyn... I have friends that unless you say what they want to hear, some old snide crap or an argument breaks out... I don't too much care to lie to them. Therefore, I keep my opinion to myself, and just listen to them. As a result, especially since I am getting older, I end up not taking them serious and steering them clear of my personal business. I have one friend, who has been my friend since the age of 10, who I can freely give my opinion to and who I can count on for her opinion.

It's kind of taxing to have to watch what you say to people who are supposedly your friends. So fake. But damn, what are you suppose to do?

Butterfly Jones said...

"You can't handle the truth!" Said Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men. And if there's anything that disappoints me about female friendships it's that. My real friends and I give it to each other straight no chaser. Of course there is the odd white lie, and side-stepping of issues to keep the peace. But if I believe if you care about someone, and you have the best interests at heart, speak up and be damned.
As for your friend, she seems to have made her choice - unless she asks for your opinion, or advice on her next move, I'd say let it go. It's her life.