Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Prince got a hairy booty!

Have you ever smelled a man that was so funky that you had to get up and LEAVE the area and you were left wondering “doesn’t HE smell himself”??? Or ladies, have you ever smelled the pussy-funk of a girl that either had been wearing some pantyhose WITHOUT draws on or was just plain STANKIN? (I don’t care WHAT you say, that little snatch of doubled-up nylon in the crotch portion of pantyhose does NOT a panty make!!! That shit inevitably ALLLLLLLLLLLWAYS leaves yo’ ass-crack FUNKY AS HELL and (a la da brat…so oooo-oooo, so ooo-ooo, so ooo-ooo fundafiiiiiiiied)!!! EVEN IN THE WINTER!!! I’m sorry, and this is for small girls, big girls ….WHOEVER!) I don’t know WHYYYYYYYYY hoes think that their little coochies are just the freshest things since Massengill after being trapped up in some shit that DON’T BREATHE???? Da hell???? I have smelled both (not by choice, but because da funk was trying to escape from it’s “bondage” and I’m like “what in the HELL possessed her to NOT put on any draws” or in the men’s case, what in da HELL made you think we wanted to smell yo pits and if I can smell it…. you can too!! At least “check yo’self” before you expose me to this funk-tasticness!!!!

Since I have an unusually keen since of smell, I can get a WIFF of any kind of funk and damn-near pinpoint it’s origin. I have been around tooooooooo many women (in locker rooms, changing rooms,etc.) and they could just be changing their clothes and I’ll catch “the wiff” and will then think to myself “damn yo ass stanks!” I HAAAAAAAATE smelling other hoes pussy-funk. Hell, I hate smelling MINE ! Which is why if I even THINK I am funky “down there” I will politely excuse my-damn-funky-self and go “freshen-up”. There is NOOOOOOOOO reason for grown folks to be funky and act like they don’t know it.

Now, as for guys, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.

MEN: TRIM THAT GATDAMN NAPPY-ASS BUSH UNDER YOUR ARMS

That shit is not 1. sexy 2. attractive 3. cute 4.appealing or 5. odor-reducing.
And for the purposes of this discussion, I am focusing on #5. I can’t stand wanting to be close to my man and have him put his arm around my shoulder only to have my eyes, lips and nose be greeted by a gigantic bush of black and white (from the deodorant) hair!!! Don’t ya’ll know that THAT shit is a turn-off for most of us??? Hell, I will have broke out in a damn rash on my face and in my nose fucking around with yo underarm forest! And to top it off, due to the ginormous distance between the skin and the deodorant (thanks to the bush) there is very LITTLE work being done by the deodorant. It’s sititing on TOP of the hair!! Please, for the love of all that is fresh and CLEAN, CUT THAT BUSH!!!

I can hear those of you like Zed’s ass who are proclaiming emphatically “fuck that! I ain’t cutting SHIT”. Well, I guess ya’ll will continue to have funky ass underarms and yellow sweat stains in shirts because of some inane ass macho-bullshit idea that “real men don’t cut their underarm/pubic hair”. Well, funk on ya’ll, funk on!

The idea that it is not macho to TRIM (I didn’t say shave the ENTIRE shit off…which in MY opinion would be LOV-ELY) the shit is utterly ridiculous!!! It’s so much of a better look too. Be a little metrosexual….it’s O.K……it ain’t all that bad guys. That goes for the pubic’s too. No woman wants a mouthful of funky ass ball-hair!!!! You want some head.... I want a you to trim your nut-hair! But that’s a whooooooole nutha topic (I know Zed….I’ll get to it tomorrow maybe) But it’s the truth…… Hair breeds bacteria in moist conditions. And what is more prone (other than twats and balls) to be moist BUT underarms!

But hey….if this idea caught fire, it could REVOLUTIONIZE the deodorant industry. All of a sudden the “funkiness factor” would be cut in half!! There would be no NEED for companies to research *new and improved* ways to fight “odor and wetness”. I have the solution RIGHT HERE for MANY of these cases!

1. Cut the hair
2. Put on deodorant that fights odor and wetness.
Problem solved.
DAMN I’m a genius!!!!

Now of course there would be those with the embedded-funk. That calls for more extereme measures of bathing and soaking, but all in all, I think we’d have 50% of the funkies beat! Same for women. I don’t care HOW you do it, wear some draws, use some FDS if you know ya ass is funky-stank-nasty and make the world a better place for you and me.

Stink you very much,
r.

12 comments:

Knockout Zed said...

I agree with you wholeheartedly! Men should cut their underarm hair. The men that cut their underarm hair should also take Midol for their menstrual cramps. Pussies.

KZ

Butterfly Jones said...

Wearing tights with no panties - No.Thank.You. You had me laughing like crack ho at this post.

Melle Mel said...

You are cracking my up Robyn! Both men and women should take heed to what you've said here because it is sooooo true!

Chubby Chocolate said...

LMAO!
PAAAHHHH-REEEECH IT ROBYN!!!! I know what you're going through! Believe!

When I go to the gym in the mornings, I can smell the hoe's sweaty, P-funk next to me on the treadmill and you know uur senses also get REALLY keen when aunt flow pays us a visit. Even though it's not healthy to douche, but doing simple things, like washing your twat and wearing underwear makes a WORLD of difference.

ZED-For a milli-second there, I thought you were making a sane comment...You are too funny.

Xquizzyt1 said...

LMAO

Girl... I have been around chicks who have had some SERIOUS funk issues... and well I shouldn't say "funk" issues... because that kinda connotes just regular, washable BO. Umm.. no... I'm talking that "consult your physician" type funk. The kind of funk that eats through clothing - including denim and lingers around on seat cushions... the kind of funk Biggie was talking about saying "Unless it smells like sanitation... gar-bage" Hmmph... and that is not a joke. What I particularly hate is going in the bathroom behind a friend... someone you actually like... and dammit she done blown the spot UP not with her bodily functions, but her damn funkdified p***y. There is no reason... in the days of HMOs and $10 co-pays that anyone... and I do mean anyone should be walking around smelling like that. And the stories you hear men tell about their experiences??? OMG... how do women get down like that... when they HAVE TO KNOW their shit is foul??? It's unreal.

Oh and I'm sooo glad I don't have that underarm issue with the husband... he's a bodybuilder, so he has no problem shaving... and can bench press Zed and all of Zed's cousins... ROFLMAO

Robyn said...

LMAO @X!!! girrrrrl.... I know EXACTLY what you are talking about!! And I have had THAT shit happen to me too many times as well! I just do NOT understand what the problem is! And for the MOST part it AIN'T a matter of going to the dr......it's a matter of WASHING SAID ASS!!! I mean, heat, closed in clothing, lingering bacteria (which to some degree we all have),womanly "juices" and the like WILL occasionally create funk! If a woman tells me that she NEVER has been funky "down there" I'd call her a bold-fuckin-face liar! I mean,if you have to use the FDS, shower to shower or SOMETHING to absorb the moisture that CREATES the funk! Hell, take some disposable wipes with your ass cause I KNOW that YOU know that you get funky!!! COME ON NOW!

And as far as Zed's retarded comment, shaving underarm or nuthair doth not a "pussy" make! It's just more sanitary. Just think Zed....due to your "excessive hair" you probably have BILLIONS and BILLIONS MORE bacteria swiming and running around your "grassy knolls" than other men that do. Hmmmmm......men who's balls smell vs.men that have REDUCED their odoriferous-ness by SHAVING a little.....which one would I prefer????? *rolling my eyeballs*

@Chubby: girrrrl, I wish I could hold a national forum on the "health crisis" associated with the proliferation of funky balls and do a study on the connection between a man's bacteria-laced balls and a woman's "vaginal infections". I'm sure there's a connection....LOL

@KeKe & Butterfly: You know...I GOTS to tell it like it T.I. "is"

Serenity23 said...

That was too funny. I don't understand why any woman walks around without panties. Wait til you get home for that mess. Good Funky Post!

Knockout Zed said...

Pussy is as pussy does.

KZ

NameLiar said...

This shit was off the hook. I'm dying from laughter over here. Put some damn drawz on you crazy hoes don't nobody want to smell your shit. LMOA!

LadyLee said...

"that little snatch of doubled-up nylon in the crotch portion of pantyhose does NOT a panty make!!!"

ROTFLMAO at that comment and the entire post... Funniest thing I've read all week...

You're gonna get me in trouble, Robyn... I'm sitting at my desk at work, it's quiet enough to hear a pin drop, and I bust out laughing...

Truth is truth... Really, though! Tell it like it is!!!

Insaneblackwoman said...

And too, Robin, let's talk about sour ear funk. You know, that little twang and tang men get behind their ears when the ear sweat. That little piece of funk is the worst funk on earth. That piece of funk will definitely turn a woman off. I once dated a man who, though he took baths, kept smelling a scoshe rotten near his face. I was puzzled and so was he. One day, he asked me to trim up his fade, and when I did pull his ear back out of the way, I discovered the source of the funk. The top crease/part of that man's ear had so much "jam" behind it. I damn near threw up on his fade. Poor thang must never have ever cleaned behind his ears. I was embarassed for him, too.

Robyn said...

@serinity: no I will never understand a woman with no draws.period! Thanks for stopping by!!

@nameliar:Ditto! I am so glad that other folks can understand my stand on this issue! thanks for coming by!

@ladylee: Girl, when I was WRITING it I was at work and almost "bit it" laughing at my own damn retardation!!! glad you liked it!

@mbw: Hodl up. wait. you didn't go there. but YESSSSSSSSSSSS that funk IS THE STALEST, SOUREST, NASTIEST and most COMMON funk there is I think! And EPECIALLY with men theres NO REASON that they can't get that lil corner!!I mean...puh-lease clean the ear "smegma" from the top of your ear.....lawd..I feel another post coming on....LOL