Thursday, December 28, 2006

New Year MEME

Hey all!

I stole this MEME from Ms. 1969 since I couldn't come up with a topic to blog about! LOL

I hope everyone has been having a great holiday! I am actually feeling much more in the spirit :-) My little one made out like a rat. Clothes, games, games and MORE games. And the bad part is that we still have to go "spend" some money that my m.i.l. sent for us to buy him some stuff! LAWD!

In addition, my husband got me a Zune-pod (it's like an Ipod but manufactured by Microsoft). It's pretty cool! Heck, this is my FIRST MP3 player, so I am ALLLLL geeked! Yes, I must be and over age 8, to JUST be getting an Ipod like device. I have the one that is like the 30GB Ipod that has the video and all that. I LOOOOOOOOOVE technology, so the husband did GREAT with this gift! Ya'll know I been online downloading for the past two days, right?? LOL SOOOO excited man! No complaints from me this week! LOL

But all in all, I am glad that my husband is off this week and tomorrow we will be taking the lil one to daycare so that we can just chill, go to the movies and have sum fun!

Well, in case I don't get a chance to say it..... HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?

Realize that there are some people whom you simply can’t even hold out any hope of them ever changing, so just let it and them go.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions?

I made none last year.

3. Did anyone you know give birth?

Yes, four friends of mine did: Sydney Elizabeth, Giselle Olivia, Chance Dana and (my godchild) Melvin Samuel

4. Did anyone you know die?


5. What countries did you visit?

None what so-ever (damn I need to get out more)

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

wooo-hoo! I have a list (ahem): A job I like, a boss I like, savings (I currently have none….yeah I know…. You don’t have to say it), and starting a 529 plan for my child.

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?

The day I got fired (or rather….the day my “position was eliminated”)…..for the first time with no notice

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Not cursing my boss out when I left my last job and walking out with dignity (no I am serious…. You all do not KNOW how many times over the past 4 ½ years I have planned my “exit tyrade” , so this IS a big achievement!)

9. What was your biggest failure?

Arguing with my husband and not being patient with my son at times

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, than God.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Nuttin much…..just a bunch’a little stuff.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Dunno…other than mine (reference #8 above)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Kramer & Bush

14. Where did most of your money go?

On a whole buncha bullshit…. I wasted a lot of money this year…….

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My son’s birthday party and my birthday

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2006?

I’m bringing sexy back….YEAH!

17. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Saving and traveling (we didn’t even make our usual summer jaunt to Chicago this year!)

18. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Complaining, arguing and spending

19. Did you fall in love in 2006?


20. How many one night stands in this last year?


21. What was your favorite TV program?

Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and the now cancelled (dem BASTARDS at ABC) Daybreak

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?


23. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More money…say……a couple million and being able to be a stay at home mom and have my own business.

24. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

That I have to save and that saving is very important. I have never been a saver. It is hard for me to do, but necessary. Though my household is holding up, if we had have had that “3-6 months” of savings that financial folks tell you to have, we would be a lot less stressed. I will never be in this predicament again.

25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

It’s like that and that’s the way it is.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Vortex Effect

Sucked in.

I am getting sucked in. I am getting used to being home and not working,and after all, isn't this what most people WISH they could do? I don't miss getting up at the crack of dawn, rushing to work, dealing with bullshit at work all day, getting off LATE and by the time you get home you have to scramble to cook, do whatever cleaning there is and spend time with the baby. I do not miss that world. Maybe I feel like this because I have NEVER and I do mean NEVER had a job that just DID IT for me. I have never just lovvvvvvvvvved going to work for WORK SAKE. I did like going to work because of some of the PEOPLE from time to time, but I have never found my niche in terms of "what do you want to do that you will REALLY enjoy?" But am I an anomaly? I think not, I think that MOST people do not want to do what they are doing but have to make a living. I undersatand that. But I have to fake it like I just "live and BREATHE HR"....after all, who wants an albeit truthful employee, that would say "ya know the truth is , I am really just here because this is an o.k. job and the money is good and I have to eat". No one would hire me if I told that truth. And I know that the way I am living cannot last, so I have finally started to "enjoy it while I can". I am revelling in the fact that I am getting a breather, shall we say, from that rat race. I am finally beginning to enjoy this lifestyle but .....

I am getting sucked in.

For the moment I am living in an unreal world. The world of in between .....I am still getting paid and I will have unemployment, so I am getting comfortable. Being home ain't that bad (right now). I am getting more appreciative of the space I have and am o.k. (for right now).

This series of events has allowed mte to get the monkey off my back {my evil ass boss} were apparently supposed to happen as they did to take me to the next level,and even my husband says that I am happier since I do not have to deal with her and the rigamoro day in and day out. Truth be told.....I could leave corporate america and NEVER look back and be none the worse. But.....that brings up the fact that my husband while making a good salary does NOT make enough to support our lifestyle. And truth is..... I do NOT want my lifestyle to change.

So, that means I have a dilemna. How to support my lifestyle without going back to the daily grind.

So.....I have already begun to make a change and pursue my professional photography business. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a photographer....since I was a girl. I have stepped out and have begun to "just do it". Problem is, I am still very unsure of myself and though people say that I do god work, I know that I have SOOOOOOOOO much more to learn. I am going to try to enroll in spring classes for photography. But what I really need is a mentor. Someone to SHOW me (I do far better with someone showing me what to do and learning by example.....). I do not know if I will find a mentor though because people simply do not like to "train their competition". ya know? I have someone who's work I am totally in awe of (and he's a black guy)...he took this pic of me & my husband which was one of our engagement pics, but he's soooooo busy. He kinda said he would, but he also kinda (i felt) brushed me off and said that I needed to learn "a few more technical aspects so that when he referred to things he wouldn't have to stop and explain the minutiae", which I kinda took as a dis because that is EXACTLY why I WENT to him,.....because I NEED someomne to EXPLAIN the MINUTIAE!!!!! So.... I was kinda irritated behind that and consequently haven't found one that'll stick yet....

But I do know this...... I am getting sucked in..... I do NOT miss the fake conversations, the inflexibility of most corporate jobs, the 8-5 schedule and the even MORE fake personnel at these jobs. The older I get the thinner my skin gets for these enviromnents and the more transparent I become. Meaning, I used to be able to put up that "suzie cream cheese" smile and fakerie with the best of them, but now, not as much. My nerves are more raw and my patience is way thinner. I am long as you respect me..... and after coming from the last job where that bitch OBVIOUSLY thought I was her muthafuckin kid or makes it WAAAAAAY more unlikely that I will deal with one IOTA of that shit again. I know my bloodpressure was worse for dealing with her. She no longer has her foot on my neck and for that I am grateful!

But back to the lecture at hand.... I am getting sucked in.

I like leisurely getting my son to school (it's nice to just enjoy each other in the morning instead of being agitated and rushing because you are trying to get that last 15 minutes of sleep and are on a "scehedule"), being able to clean the house and have dinner ready BY 6 instead of STARTING at 6 (if I was lucky). But housewife I am not,...I need more to keep me going. Which is why if I do not find a job, I am not going to be that pressed in the interim (until my unemployment runs out), because maybe this really IS my time to make a change, maybe getting sucked in isn't so bad and maybe getting sucked into the vortex will take me to a whole other world....a world that I have only dreampt of.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Much ado about nothin

Well, there's not a whole lot to tell, but let's see what I have...

O.K.... I have been soooooooooo lazy with this whole Christmas thing (read: I stilllll haven't completed the Christmas tree decorating...hell, we JUST put it up LAST NIGHT!LOL) I told my husband that by the time we get it together it will be time to take this monstrosity --- 7 1/2 ft. tree--- down.

We went to a local mall today (Twelve Oaks Mall in Novi) in hopes of having the little one's picture taken with Santa. O.K. why was the Santa SKINNY as hell and the chair he was sitting in made HIM look like an Elf??? Top that off with the fact that there were 6,001 people in line and I was HOTTER-N-HELL in the sweater that I had on, and you have a "hell naw we didn't take narry a picture!". and I thought that the set-up was ugly In comparison to the set-up at another local mall (Somerset). The thing about Somerset is that it is the 'ritzy' mall and though it is my ABSOLUTE favorite mall, to take picture with Santa it costs $30 freaking dollars!!! And you only get 6 pictures (4 x 6's I believe). Maaaan.... Can I just take a picture my DAMN self and get them developed????? I am SHO'LL gon ask!!! Because this is REDICULOUS!!! I can take JUST as nice a picture as them folkscan! HHMPH!!

Well, we'll see. My husband also gave me another option because the building where he works (the one where I used to work before I was recently FIRED...has a FREE Santa picture station and you get one free Polaroid pic but you CAN also take your camera (I know this for sure!) and take your OWN pciture!! And their set-up is always nice. All I know is that I MUST do eomething because though my child has been through TWO Christmases,he has NEVER sat on Santa's lap..... I know, I know..... the first year I just didn't and then last year we were in Atlanta and there was so much to do before hand and the weekends kept coming and going and time got away from me..... so I VOWED that by hook or crook , he WILL have a picture with Santa this year! HEE HEE!

I also have pretty much finished my shopping for him as well. I just have to pick up a few things from to give to him in my m.i.l's name. She sent us some money to get him some presents from her, so I will go shopping this week.

Let's other news, me & my siblings have FINALLY found a buyer for my grandmother's 4-family!! I am sooooooooo relieved. Though I have to split it 3-ways with my siblings and because this place is in the TRUE hood and the property is in GREAT need of repair in every unit, the money we get ain't gon be alot, but it is better than NOTHING....ya know???? :-)

Also, in better news, it looks like we will get a BETTER interest rate on our house (that we are refinancing) than we thought! And it will be a fixed rate! It willbe higher than our rate now, but not as bad as the 8% that we thought we'd have to have!!! And it looks like I have managed to barely SQUEEEEEEZE by since I no longer have a job without the finance co. knowing!Hallelujah!!! Cause if this had happened after I was no longer getting paid and was REALLY terminated off the company's system...... Well..... we might have gotten a much WORSE rate because my income wouldn't have been factored in! Thank GOD for small miracles....I'll take any that I can GET right now! LOL

All these good things almost made me not feel like crap when I got my first "thanks but we decided to pursue someone who had more qualifications than you......thanks for your interest" letter..... (did I tell you that I don't take rejection very well?.......*sigh* really.....I am serious)


Happy holidays ya'll.....

Saturday, December 09, 2006

I Love New York: It's not what ya think!

O.K. ya'll..... I don't know how many of you watched "Flavor of Love" and saw that stank-ass- CRAZYYYYYY-ASS contestant New York, but apparently SOME-DUMBASS-BODY has seen fit to give this truly mentally challenged braad a T.V. SHOW.....her OWN version of Flavor of Love

WTF?????????????? I mean, are there men out there that REALLY like the "crazypussy"???(ya'll know how men seem to LOVVVVVVVVE the crazy bitches and their crazy pussy!!!....) Apparently. But from the looks of it, some of THEIR asses are mentally challenged as well.

Has everybody in t.v. programming gone BANANA'S??????

(on the low I WILL be watching it ....hee hee....I can't help it...... the bullshit is just tooooooooooo good not to!)


Enjoy peoples!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

bah fucking humbug

I am wondering.....Lord, why are you putting me through this. If you all have been reading, you all know that I am unemployed and NOT by choice. I can't see the reasoning behind this and it just makes me all the angrier that I have been laid off, submitting resumes for like 2 MONTHS and have not had ONE face-to-face interviews! I am really getting pissed about this shit! I know that I can talk, I KNOW that I speak VERY articulately and I am HOPING and praying that this no-interview thing is due to the impending Christmas holiday. I know that blaming the company that I worked for won't help and as Hustleman said to me previously "you can't focus on where you are going until you let GO of the past". But I am finding it hard not to feel resentful and pissed off about being umemployed and the fact that my severance is QUICKLY running out and that NONE of this was of my choosing. I am finding it hard as FUCK to be "thankful" even though I know I SHOULD be. I have a home, a husband and great child. After all, I WILL NOT be out of a place to live, food,etc. but I NEED to work. It is part of my independence and of who I am. And I am , as the days go on, finding it increasingly hard to be "positive" and "hopeful".

This is the holiday season and I am NOT feeling "ho ho ho-ish" at fucking all. I actually feel like the Grinch! My husband and I have a budget to buy presents for our little one and I don't even want to go shopping. I mean, I do, but I don't. I usually spend a nice amount of money during the holidays and this year I simply can't. It's depressing. Call the way I feel petty or whatever, but it's how I feel. I usually get myself a "gift from me to me" , but this year that can't happen. And I am pissed about it. So one day, I told my husband "I have been really good about not spending...have you noticed that I haven't even been doing shopping like before" (this is a BIIIIG deal for me because I am a shopper and used to go do SOME kind of shopping every weekend whether it be for my son or the household or for groceries or for me) and he goes "Well, I would EXPECT that you would, it needs to be even better than needs to be not at ALL". Thanks. THAT made me feel better! I was like "well, we HAVE to buy SOME stuff!" Money is and has always been an issue with us and now, me NOT having a job makes things MORE tense. Just what I needed.

And I simply can't BELEIVE that I haven't even had ONE face-to-face interview!!! I mean, if I had no experience, no managerial experience,etc. I could understand, but I have been in my field for TEN YEARS! I mean, come ON! I am pissed and angry and hurt.

I am even thinking of trying to go into Pharmaceutical Sales (I have NEEEEEEEEEEEEVER been a "sales" type of person either, because I HATE trying to "sell" people). But I am getting I know that often times because the Pharm biz is competitive, you have to "know someone". Well, I talked to someone last night, who may be able to get me through the door. I will try anything. I need a job.

Like I said, I have and still am "praying on it" and I know that God does stuff in his own time and that there "is a plan" and all the other cliche, cliches. I am simply not feeling ANY of this right now and I know that a job won't come to me just sitting here, so I look, and look and look......and look some more. After all, I know that God also needs me to take one step towards helping myself and maybe he will take two.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Small blessings

Coinciding with the loss of my job, was the IMMINENT need to refinance our house. No, let me make it plain: We had a 2-yr ARM (adjustable rate mortgage) on the bigger of our two house loans (we have an 80/20 loan) and that shit was/is going to "adjust" from a rate of 6.35% to a REDICULOUS 9.35%!!!!

So, I had been BUGGING my husband to "come on and let's LOOK into refinancing" waaaaay back in October (i.e. BEFORE my job was eliminated) because we received the letter saying that as of Nov.5, the rate WOULD adjust and be effective with the Dec. 1 payment. His response? "we have time... the payment that it adjusts on (the one due Dec 1 )isn't REALLY due til Dec. 15” (because you have until the 15th to pay it without penalties).

So, what happened? I let him handle it and we waited and waited and then I got FIRED and I start to panic. Reason? I wasn't sure if they would need to verify my employment for our impending refinance. But, a-ha....because I am getting paid until the END of the year, the company COULD NOT terminate me in their system, because they can't pay me if I am terminated. But I wasn't sure how, when the mortgage company calls the automated employee verification system, would my info be told to them. So, I tried to get the answer to that without being obviously deceptive. After all, there was NO WAY we need to have to come up with an ADDITIONAL $400+ dollars a month (which is what that increase in percentage represents in dollars!). So I called the co.that does the verifications and tried to pussy-foot around it, but couldn’t get the info., so I just gave up.

But I figured that they would only say that I was currently employed. After all, I had given the mortgage co. my most recent check stubs and they ARE current, so it does LOOK LIKE I am employed. :-) LOOK LIKE are the key words here! So, I calmed myself down and vowed not to worry.

Things are going along, we had the appraisal this past weekend and hopefully we will be able to close on this new loan **a fixed rate loan** in a week or so! And even though it still isn’t the BEST rate (it will be 8.00%) and this rate will have us paying about $200 MORE a month, in the meantime, it’s not $400 more and I am thankful that we were able to get this done just under the wire (i.e. just BEFORE I REALLY do not have a way to prove that I have a job and income coming in!). At least the rate is fixed and we can only get a BETTER rate from here……no worries of it going UP MORE than it already did!

Small blessings…. I am thankful today for this small blessing.