Wednesday, May 30, 2007

20 Things

I am thankful for:

1. My Mom still being alive and being able to spend time/talk to her.
2. My job...yes, it still gets on my nerves, but it is o.k.
3. My sanity
4. My Son...he really is the light of my life
5. My husband...even though HIS as drives me crazy sometimes too, he is a very good man and father
6. That I have cute feet... I am so glad that I do NOT have onion/bunyon/corntoe looking toes
7. My health
8. The ability to walk, talk and hear (that probably should count as 3, but oh well)
9. The Wisdom that I have gleaned over the years
10. Laughter
11. That feeling when you just feel so warm inside because of nothing in particular...guess that would be.. happiness
12. Going through all that I did with living with my father (who was a for real alcoholic)
13. My ability to sympathize and empathize
14. My ability to be impartial
15. My friends
16. Being able to say that there are few things I regret
17. Lessons learned because of the things I regret
18. Being not too hard on the eyes :-)(I am NOT vain by ANY stretch! I am harder on myself than I should be according to others, but I KNOW I ain't aesthetically unappealing.... wasn't that a nice way of saying "I'm glad I ain't u.g.l.y"?)
19. Knowing that I have marketable skills and that (God willing...) I can always make a living for myself and my family
20. No matter what happened the day before, knowing that I can get up tomorrow and try again if today wasn't all that great!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007



I don't care what anybody says or does ANYMORE. Not that I should have cared anyway. I have ENOUGH shit in my own FUCKING life to give a damn about. Plenty in fact. I'm simply out and outdone.

Since other people can be pissy, so can I !!! That's IT! Enough is enough.

NOBODY has to worry about me doing, saying, thinking or otherwise.

If PEOPLE can't be REAL with me, just don't BEat all.

DONE !!!


And if this does NOT apply to you.... you have nothing to worry about...right?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

How can you be you and get what you want? Life is full of sacrifice……sometimes

How can you be you and get what you want? Life is full of sacrifice……

Being you….. isn’t always as easy as it should be. People always say “just be yourself” but in MANY instances, as you get older and your thoughts, ideas and preferences get more polarized, that isn’t as EASY as it sounds! You can’t just do or say anything in life , so I think that phrase is overrated and overused! LOL

We often have to make concessions, and sacrifices for who or what we know or think is right or what we “think” is who/where we want to be. Burt when is it too much and when do we begin to sacrifice what makes you, “you”? Self-awareness is a never-ending journey and you can get caught up in a tailspin of being something other than “you”. I ,personally, am still evolving and still learning new things about myself and have gotten caught in that tailspin before. I am constantly trying to in some way (self-talk, meditation, talking to friends) trying to get a better handle on being who I am and compromising for my overall happiness. So how can you get what you want and be yourself when the two ideas are not in sync? You have to understand what you need at the core of who you are. And if that means giving up OTHER ideas of what society thinks you should be doing and who you should be maybe that is the right road for you…maybe not.

But one thing I have learned is that you can’t hide from yourself…. You can but not (as I often say) without consequences and repercussions.

And you probably won’t end up being the “happiest” that you would have been had you just waited and evaluated the situation before acting on something . You can lie to everyone around you (maybe even convinced YOURSELF that this is what you want), but deep down, in the depths of your heard and mind….. you are there and there is where you will FIND …. you and you know the truth.

There have been times in my life where I KNEW that I should not have done certain things, made certain moves, had WARNING BELLS going off and felt a little “off” about something…but kept on full-steam ahead and came to regret it.

Now, I try to be as true to myself as I can. Life is too short not to be. YOUR LIFE is not textbook and I am coming to realize that there are no set guidelines on “when such-and-such” should be accomplished or successes attained. Societal “norms” often make this harder to see…...

I believe that as we get older we seek different things and out of those “different needs” sometimes comes “giving up this…to get that”. I get it. I simply believe that you should not have to change the WHOLE of who you are or what you like or what you are ready for at a certain point in your life…unless you are REALLY ready to EMBRACE (not just accept) the changes that you are making if you are not making them earnestly and whole heartedly.
Are we always happy? They say happiness is a choice. Do we make certain sacrifices in life? Yes. Are sacrifices a part of life? Yes. But the thing to remember is…..In the words of an old song by Teddy Pendergrass you can’t hide from yourself…. No matter where you go… there you are.

Think about it.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Good things come in 3’s right?

Well, I can happily report that things have been going my way at work. I got praise for doing a good job and for going above and beyond my hiring goals for the month and got a “special” parking space (that was just luck) that is RIGHT next to the door! This is a HUUUGE deal because typically you could be S.O.L. if you do not get here early (which I usually do anyway), but God forbid you wanna go to lunch,… you DANG sho won’t get the spot BACK that you had! And we have soooo many people in this lot that one day a week (on a rotaiting basis) EVERYONE has to park at an off site lot and be shuttled in, because if we had EVERYONE here, EVERYDAY….. it just wouldn’t be possible. So, I basically NEEEEEVER go out for lunch cause I am not trying to walk from Timbuk 2 when I get back! Call it lazy, but yeah….. whatever…. LOL But nevertheless, I have had more praise at THIS job in 3 months than I did in 5 YEARS at the other place! GOOD RIDDANCE to all of their janky-stank asses! :-)

So, noooow….. I can go out during lunch and not have to worry about the whole "will I have to park a country-ass-mile away". Woo hoo!!!

So, anyway.....I went to New York to see my best friend graduate from the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. This school is in essence an acting school and I am so very proud of my friend. As I said here….. she is the most courageous person I know.

There were 96 graduates and about umm….3 of them were black! She graduated WITH HONORS and was never late or sick. She was also picked to be one of two speakers at commencement. The girl did her thizzle. And after graduation people (mostly white too) were coming up and applauding her speech and her professionalism. I mean, we couldn’t get out the DOOR for people coming up and telling her how WONDERFUL of a job she did. I was proud to be standing next to her. The girl tore it down! I always KNEW this, but now OTHERS are seeing it too.

This school was NO.JOKE people and if you think it was take this quote from one of the teachers:

“ A student once asked me what to do if they get sick or can’t make it to class (because you are graded on attendance) and I said…..don’t get sick or be absent”

Can you say damn? I woulda been kicked out the first MONTH! LOL And the kicker is that though this is a 2-yr program, you have to be INVITED to come back after 1st year. MANY of her classmates were not invited back.

So, while in NYC, we kicked it, shopped and had fun and here are a few pics from the weekend. She was THE best dressed out of the whole 96 people. I am not just saying that….she was. Take a look…..

Doesn't she look FABULOUS?????

here's a shot of the two of us in the subway after a hearty bit'o shopping on Canal St.

Us at a private graduation party:

So..... I wonder what my third "great" thing will be? **tapping fingers on temple eagerly awaiting ...***