Friday, January 20, 2006

Question for the day:

I was listening to the radio a few days ago and the topic was:

“if you are a single parent and are seeing someone (fairly seriously), should that person be allowed to discipline your children?”

I believe that if you would trust this person in your bed, and your ass, you SHOULD be able to trust them to be a good role model to your children.

Lemme ‘splain that last comment.

I believe that we as women number ONE “give it up”, whatever it may be, to people who are unworthy and are untested as to their character, integrity and their ethical beliefs. Why would you let your children even BE AROUND a suitor who you wouldn’t necessarily trust in your house and why would you let that same person get the ass.

I don’t think that, especially with younger children, that a man or woman should be allowed to discipline (in terms of men in the dating world) your children unless they are damn serious or married. Children’s minds are too precious and too impressionable. And all it takes is a momma that has “uncle squeaky” and “uncle pookie” and “uncle gino” coming over all the time to figure out, them ain’t my uncles. It puts a warped sense of male-female relationships into the universe again and it prepetuates problems that we hear about so often in the black-family dynamic.

I guess, and this is just me, but if I were a single parent, even if I DID fuck a nigga, his ass wouldn't be around my son.....period. I respect my baby just that much. Just my 2 centavos.

what do you think?


Xquizzyt1 said...

Girrrrllll I have a different perspective on this. I was a step-child. And I was a step-parent for a minute too.

Hmmm... my ex-husband's philosophy on that was that I was his wife and therefore, those were MY children and that I should treat them as such.

My negative experience as a step-child with an God-awful stepfather (No sexual abuse of any sort... he was just an alcoholic ass) made me take a different viewpoint. And it was this viewpoint that was ONE of the things he HATED about me and ONE of the things that slowly eroded the marriage.

I, believe that your wife, your husband is YOUR choice, not your child's and that they should defer the disciplining to the biological parent. I think you, as the bio parent should DEFINITELY hear the step-parent (your partner) out and support them and their issues (as long as they are valid) and the two of you should act as a united front towards the child, the bio parent should DEMAND that the child respect and honor the step-parent. But I don't think that the step-parent should come up in there guns blazing. I'm not saying they should NEVER discipline the child... but, that has to be built up to. And if the child doesn't even LIVE in the home, as was my case... then just leave that shyt alone. LOL

As for a boyfriend??? That muhfucka is lucky if he MEETS, let alone BEATS my child. I would cut a nigga. LOL

chele said...

First of all, NO ONE disciplines my children but ME.

Secondly, the man that I date NEVER spends the night at my house. All the monkey business takes place outside of my home and not in sight of my children.

And finally, my choice of boyfriend, lover, etc. may not be who my children would necessarily choose. I mean, my kids don't like anybody I date because they don't want anyone to replace their father. He could be Prince F**king Charming and they wouldn't care. Okay. I don't force interaction between my man and my kids.

The question that is usually asked now is: Well, what if it gets serious? The answer: it doesn't. I don't let it. I'm a mother first and my children's feelings will always come before the feelings of a guy that I'm dating. ALWAYS.

Knockout Zed said...

It's simple. If I'm feedin' em and I'm raisin' em, I'm fuckin' beatin' 'em. If I'm coming into a situation with a ready made fam and I'm expected treat my wife's offspring as I would my own, that's the deal. Not with that "boyfriend, girlfriend" shit. With a husband and a wife.


Anonymous said...

You know you are hitting home when it comes to kids.. I hear you Xquizzyt1 and Chele... Knockoutzeb it is clear you do not have any children, because the day you get one your view will change on letting another man put thier hands on your child... You people kill me with no kids thinking it is so easy to discipline a child. You have no clue... I use to be like you think children are to be seen and not heard until I got some of my own. I wish a man would call his self "fuckin my kids up" I put my foot in his ass... My kids need to respect and obey my male friends. If they step out of line I will handle it. If he was my husband his line of disciple will be directed by my childrens father and I. My kids father is very active in thier lives and we have an understanding when it come to our extra friends and our kids. Sometimes we treat money, car and material things better than we treat our kids...
Peace good blog

Knockout Zed said...

We didn't make this fucked up ass splintered family shit, but we sure are embracing that shit. Why the fuck, biological father or not, would I let another [African] determine how someone should be treated under my roof. I'm not deferring to any "real" father for shit. If I so choose to marry a woman with kids, I don't want his friggin' child support or anything else in my house. I'm daddy, period, and my authority will be respected.

Yeah, you're right I don't have kids. Because I wouldn't want them to be in an unstable situation. I wouldn't have kids with a woman I wasn't married to or at least have the semblance of an expectation to be with them "for life". A lot of people don't make those distinctions and they are living with the consequences (i.e. baby daddy here, baby daddy there, live in boyfriend).

Sorry for bloggin' up in your shit Robyn.


Xquizzyt1 said...

OH HELL NO!!! I'm sorry knockoutzed, but I don't have children either, but NO MAN who would disrespect my child, by disregarding his father and saying, "I'm daddy and that's it," could EVER be my mate if I had children. Just because you entered into a relationship with a woman with children, does not mean that that child does not still have the same love and affinity for the parent that moved out, that they would have if the two stayed together. Hell NO!!! That is outrageous and if you say that to ANY real mother she will spit in your face. Please, you might replace that ex in the mother's heart, but NEVER in the child's. And I respect my stepson and stepdaughter's mother... and always would... they are their MOTHERS... I'm not. and if they were to come live here, before I made any decisions, like relaxing hair, or getting earrings or anything - please believe that I"m calling their REAL mother to find out if it's okay with them. Your attitude is extremely unrealistic and if the shoe was on the other foot and YOUR kids were living with your ex and another dude, I'm sure you wouldn't just chalk it up and say, "WEll they have a new daddy now... I can't say shit." LOL Gimme a damn break. LOL

Msnhim said...

DAMN X you said it all!!!!!!!

I know thats right!!!!

Knockout Zed said...

Opinions are like assholes, we all got 'em, but no one wants to see 'em (or hear 'em for that matter).

My solution is the bitterest pill you'd ever wanna swallow. You wanna hear it? No? I'll tell ya anyway. Two people meet, fall in love, get married, listen to the vows, follow them, have babies, then raise them. All this shit would become MOOT.

Save The Black Family Coalition

Georgiapeach said...

I think a parent always gets a little sensitive when someone else disciplines their child. Personally, it depends how long we have known each other, and definitely how his tone of voice is when he says whatever. My mom had one guy friend who acted like he was going to whoop me (she wasn't home), I thought that was very out line. Definitely no physical discipline what so ever.

TRUTHZ said...

well as a single parent...i think that Zed, even tho' i love you so, that that statement about not wanting x,y,and z and you the daddy is all wrong. even if the dad is a dick. you can never replace the biological even if you want to. now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to discipline them if you providing for them in the sense that you are the bioparent's spouse. However, there has to be an understanding between all parents involved. because clearly if your disciplining falls in the line of abuse then you best believe that the bioparent you are standing in for has every right to come whoop your tail.

Now, I grew up during a time where everyone who was an adult whooped your tail when you did something wrong and then told your parents and they whooped that tail i don't have a problem with someone else discipling mine as long as it is in the same manner they would discipline their own child..and not abuse

Danyel said...


Anonymous said...

@Knockoutzeb....You are right about opioions, it is mine.. but they do peak your interest or you would not continue to read. Who cares what you do with mine or anyone else. My bottom line on the this matter to me. You get some kids, then lets see how you feel about anyone physically hitting your kids family, friends, daycare provider, anyone. Thanks your the feed back... Robyn great blog