Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Back to life...back to reality...back from Atl.

Hey good black people,

Happy New Year and all that!!! I am finally back from the Atl. and I was happy to go, but happy to get back too. You know how when you go on vacation, especially those of you with kids, traveling is HELL when they’re little and when you’re not in your own house you can’t “fully” relax. We went to see my mother-in-law and we stayed with her. Wellll…. She smokes….I abhor it…..but the beauty of this was that our quarters were on the lower level of the house. The bad thing was that I wanted to stay down there ALL THE TIME because I Hate smoke (with a capital “H”). My Mom smoked all my life and I vowed that I never would and I have never had the desire, but since I am not around it much, I can’t take too much of it anymore. I probably didn’t spend as much time with my mom-in-law and his grandma as I woulda liked to simply because I really can’t take being around too much smoke anymore.

But anyway, my mom-in-law was sooo happy to see her grandson that it wasn’t even funny! And it was good for them both. My husband , therefore was in total bliss. You see, he struggles with the fact that 99% of his family is in Atlanta and he doesn’t get to see them often at all. His grandmother is older and slightly ailing and he worries, so having evvvvvveryone together was heaven for him. I was just glad that I got to hit some new shopping venues that we don’t have in Detroit! LOL

But all in all it was a good trip. My son got to bond with his cousins (another thing that I hate is that he’s not able to “grow up” with his cousins) and I love that because, I pretty much grew up in a small family ( on my mom’s side) and was not close with my Dad’s side until I was well….grown….in age at least (around 20 or so). So, I loved the fact that he was able to be around his cousins who are 2 ½ and 5 ½.

We got to go out to the movies and see The Chronicles of Narnia. If you ever read and loved the book as a child, go see it…it’s a great movie. We went out to dinner at a favorite restaurant of mine (which we do NOT have here **growl***) the Cheesecake Factory, and all in all got some mommy & daddy free time, which is something we hardly EVER get in Detroit. Though I have family here, them nigga’s have “schedules” and things to do, so it’s hard to coordinate unless it’s ridiculously well in advance. And most times we just don’t roll like that, hence, often times it’s me, hubby and the baby at home. And consequently, we do not get much relief. So, I was LOVIN being in the Atl.!!!! I’m still thinking about a move to GA strictly for this reason!!

On to the topic of the day! I was listening to the radio this morning and the question to the listeners was :

If you think that your man/woman is cheating is it wrong to look through their e-mail, check their voicemail, etc. and how do you feel about it.

I have actually been on both ends of the spectrum, I have been the snooper and the snoopee. And in both situations this holds true: If you’re looking for some shit, you’re gonna find it. Because let’s face it, how many men or women tell their mate ABSOLUTELY everything???? And I am not speaking of deep and dark secrets of lust and desire or embezzlement from your job or the kid you had in Guatemala. I am speaking of everyday shit that you just MIGHT not want them to know, which is harmless to you as an individual, but could piss off your significant other. For example, why does a woman need to detail every man that comes on to her? Why does my husband need to know if an offcolor joke/comment was made to me? For me, with my husband, it would just infuriate him and he’d want to “find that mu’fucka” or know who it was who said what??? Now, I’m not saying that I get hit on all the time or anything like that. Or that I just withhold all kinds of stuff. These are just examples. But I just think that just as when you and your girls or fellas when you and your boys are talking about a significant other and you DAMN sure wouldn’t want them privy to some convo’s between ya’ll, I don’t think that stuff that is harmless to you needs to be open for public examination. Because it would be taken the WRONG way.

Therefore, I do NOT want my husband on my e-mail, listening to my messages,etc. Above and beyond this, I feel that MOST human beings have a need for some privacy (yes, I know that the snooping that I DID was hypocritical as hell!!.....ay….I’m far from perfect). This is MY reason. I was a very private person and NEED to have something that is just “mine” even in the midst of a relationship.

As you can tell I probably have a double standard when it comes to this. I do NOT want my shit snooped upon, but I felt toooooooooootally justified snooping on my ex when I thought he was cheating on me (which by the FUCKING way, he WAS).

Now, one caller said that “You don’t even have to do all that snoopin’ cause in your heart you already know if they’re cheating on you”. To me, this is just plain ig’nant ! The reason: If you just happen to have sum shit twisted, break up with him/her and later find out that you were WRONG, you have done yourself a disservice. I would NEVER break up with someone based on “hearsay bullshit”. Why would you do that to yourself???? Now, If you are the mistrusting type, I guess that’s my answer right there….but, I don’t believe in guilty until innocent.

So….how do you guys feel about this?

be e-z.....


chele said...

If you are prepared for what you might find ... have at it.

I have been snooped on and dude found some mess that he did NOT want to find. On the other hand, I have snooped have been devastated by what I found.

Now that I'm older I do not snoop. If there is something for me to know -- the information will fall right into my lap.

LadyLee said...

I don't snoop now, but back in the day, i was a snooper... I think that is something you do when you're young and have some paranoia issues. If you're doing that well into your 40's and 50's?... come on now..

But I agree with you... I don't want you snooping through my stuff... It's an issue of having a little something private for myself, you know!

Glad you made it back safely, girl!

Organized Noise said...

I've been courious, but I have never looked through a phone book or e-mail account. I value trust more than anything else in a relationship and once I don't trust you, I will confront you on it.

Chubby Chocolate said...

You've answered it already. If you're looking for dirt, be prepared to find it. I've been on both ends of the situation and if I felt the need to snoop, I'd do it again in a heartbeat! :-)

Robyn said...

@Chele: yes, girl, you are sooo right! Because that was my lesson
@Ladylee: Heeeey! Happy New Year to you too sweetie! And ,yes, it's a terrible thing to find some stuff that you suspected was there.....when I did, I SWEAR my heart stopped beating for 30 seconds from shock! (though I guess I shouldn't have been) LOL
@ O.N.: You are right, and I do not snoop's just not that deep, and because I got "boy-nt" (burnt) before, I shall not do it again
@CC: Girl, I'm sooo glad ya back! You KNOW I was cracking up a the "too hot to fuck" title LOL Anywho.....yes, I too feel that I have a RIGHT to snoop (totttttal double standard) but I don't wanna be snooped on! LOL Shame, no? *shrugging*

Shawn said...

I totally agree with everything you said, it must be a Detroit sistah thang. I also don't believe in that "follow your heart stuff". If I got suspicious I'm going to Snoop around a little bit, I'm not going to be a "damn fool". Great post girl!

Insaneblackwoman said...

Girl, please... if I thank that nig is cheating with some skank, not only am I gonna be all up in his emails and voicemails, but I'm a be in his pockets, his drawers, his desks, his mail, his ears, his face, his conscience, his glove compartment, ERRRRRYTHING !!! LOL. One thing I've learned is that men will definitely cheat if given the chance, and they WILL LIIIEEE! Lie like a dead dog. And he BET not even give me a thought that he could be cheating... oh, its gone be on then. Good post, momma. Finally got a chance to leave you a comment. I've been keeping up witcha but sometimes I can't leave my comments because of some tech difficulty. You're alright with me, sis.

Freaky Deaky said...

Once it gets to the point of you snooping the relationship is in serious trouble and probably over. If you find the dirt you're looking for the relationship is over. You may play around and try to hurt the person but once you find the dirt it's over, when you leave is pretty much irrelevant. If you don't find any dirt or the dirt you were looking for then you've already poisoned the relationship with your mistrust and invasion of privacy. If he/she finds out what you did they'll either get a do the same thing to you free card, drop you like a bad habit, or hide their dirt that much better.

That's my two pennies.

ProfessorGQ said...

I'm glad you're back...happy new year.

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

I'm glad you are back to (smile). There ain't nothing like some R&R to rejuvenate you!

As far as "you don’t even have to do all that snoopin’ cause in your heart you already know if they’re cheating on you”, its not true.

A few years ago, I thought "I knew" in my heart something was going on with my boyfriend and someone else. Well, come to find out I was wrong. I went and did something so stupid and almost ruined my relationship all over NOTHING! I remember being so sad and miserable that weekend. It was my sisters bridal shower and I had to pretend everything was okay, when inside, I was worried and broken hearted that he would never speak to me again. Lucky for me it all worked out.

Long story short - what you think you already know in your heart ain't always the actual truth!

The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

be careful when you go snooping...i'm pretty much an honest guy...if my wife asks me i'll tell her...i don't have shyt to hide....good post...

Insaneblackwoman said...

Forgive me Disco Queen, as I want to take a moment to set a thing straight... all the readers on this comment section oughtta be ashamed of themselves... lying about they aint or wouldn't be snooping on their lover, spouse, signif. other... Please. Y'all aint fooling nobody! I bet that if given the chance/oppo to snoop on somebody... all y'all will definitely snoop. In a relationship, I'm looking out for ME because I know ultimately my partner is looking out for his/her own self, too. So that means I'm a do everything I can to keep myself apprised of and abreast of EVERYTHING that is going on in the relationship, and if I have to snoop to do it, then God forgive me because I'm a sho' do it. I want to already know that my man is with someone else before he even tells me, that way I won't be hit with no GD! surprise!!!

Knockout Zed said...

I hope like hell no one finds out about little Lupe in Guatamala.

Stop looking through my shit!