Sunday, December 16, 2007

Snow & Lack of Santa

Well, I don't know about YOU all's weekend, but mine has been ummm...interesting....

Well, to start, I tried to take the little one to see Santa at our local Hoighty-Toighty mall, The Somerset Collection. It's not that far from where I live and it has a BEAUTIFUL set in which Santa sits. It is the best of ALL the malls by far! Now.... ya'll that have been with me for awhile know that I am a budding photog, so that means I am not paying your extortive $10 for ONE picture with Santa... I will kindly plop my child on his lap and take the damn picture my-DAYUM-self and get 30 Christmas Cards printed from them at the local camera store (also located conveniently RIGHT in the same mall) for the same $10 (give or take a few dollars).

So. My girlfriend who's daughter used to go to pre-school with my son called me and asked if I would be willing to do just what I just described (we do it at Easter too) on Saturday, I said "SUUUURE... I have to take him anyway because we haven't been to see Santa". And as all of you parents know, since he is now 3 1/2 THIS is the year where he "gets it". Last year, kinda and year before, not at ALL. But THIS YEAR, we are SANTA ready baby!

So, after going to my OTHER girlfriend's house to take family Christmas pictures for her of she and her hubby and my Godchild, I came home, rested a minute and then trucked on out the the mall. We get there and I see this white guy that I work with, so we make chit-chat and I am like "yeah, we are here to take these two to see Santa". He goes "what time is your appointment?"

****record scratching *****

Me: what did you say??? Appointment?? You have to have an APPOINT.MENT to see frickin SAN.TA CL.AUS?????

Him: Yes, and we got our appointment for 6:18 THIS MORNING at 10:30!

Me: WHAT???? **thinking expletives in my head but refraining due to the gaggle of children in my midst**

Him: Yeah... you might not be taking any pictures today if you do not have that....

Me: uh.... yeah **looking at my girl whose mouth was agape in disbelief**

Now, my mind begins to race because I KNEW what he said to nbe true that there was probably NO WAY in HELL that we were sitting atop Santa's red velvet pants on THAT day! But the bad thing..... this year, he "gets it".... I KNEW that I was probably going to have to deal with him crying and SCREAMING since I had been telling him ALL DAY that we WERE going to see Santa!!!!

And furthermore , what happened to the "your ass just GOES and WAITS in line" like when I was a kid??? So, I go to the counter and this is the discourse between me and "santa's lil helper" at the counter:

Me: **looking at a sign that says "all of the appointments for pictures with Santa are filled for today..please come back tomorrow"** Oh, I see that all of the "appointments" are taken..... have you had any cancellations?

SLH: Well, the thing is that if someone doesn't come, the next people just kinda move up..... just like if they were in line, so there really are no cancellations, per se.

Me: Sooo...... why are there APPOINT.MENTS if there's no ability to cancel them? How can you have an up without a down? Maybe I am not understanding....

SLH: Well, if say you were unable to make it, the next family could just step up, so it's kinda on a first come first serve basis, and that is why we hand out the times to show up, so you won't HAVE to stand in line...even though the system functions like a virtual "line".

Me: **getting REAL irriatated** So, is there any way if someone DOESN'T come that I could just TAKE their slot???

SLH: Well, no....becuase other people have had their appointments for most of the day and we would just move them up.

***dead look***

Me: Ok. so... can I get an appointment for TOM.ORROW ?

SLH: Oh, well.... you have to come BACK first thing tomorrow morning to get the "appointment", we don't give them out in a day in advance.

Me: WHAT??? Are you serious?????? So, I have to come BACK just to get a ticket??? and then leave AGAIN and come BACK some 2, 3, 4-6 hours LATER????? That is the stupidest system I have even heard of!! People don't have time to keep running back and forth to a mall! That's rediculous!

SLH: **looking bewildered and speechless

Me: **to my friend** let's go..... ***to SLH***.... thank you.

Why did I feel like we were playing the charade of "Who's on First"!!!!!????? Can you say pissed??? I was so angry about that DUMB ASS system that they have to see Santa that I was like (in my mind) "Oh HELL NAW.... he may not be able to see Santa this year!" And I am holding to that shit. Who, but stay at home momma's have time to be running BACK AND FORTH to a frickin mall??

My mind quickly raced baclk to the little Santa-enthusiast holding my hand. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! Think fast....this boy is sabout to have a heart-attack.... I called my husband and he was like "tell him that Santa doesn't feel good and that we have to come back".

**blank stare**

Me: Are you SERIOUS???? Do you NOT know your dayum child????? He is TOOOO smart for that and you KNOW he is going to PROBABLY throw a tantrum and then we are gonna have to make our way to the bathroom for a "talk" (none of which I felt like dealing with at that moment as it was alomst 6:00pm)

Him: Give it a try.....

So..... I did and MIRACULOUSLY, it worked! My son was like "awwww poor Santa...we'll come back another day Mom". I was saying to myself " there are miracles"!

So, we trot on home and awake to this this morning:

This is my husband obviously in disbelief over how much HE has to shovel.....

And in case you were wondering no... I do NOT do snow (anymore that is).... I get all sweaty, fuck up my hair (because when I get hot and have on a hat, I sweat HORRIBLY in my head!!!) and I CANNOT do this short ass hair-do OVER. Besides, I TOLD him to get a snowblower..... hhmph.... I will NEVER EVER shovel any snow as long as I have him OR once this lil boy gets old enough! I used to help shovel it (sometimes BY MYSELF IF my husband was at work just because I knew that on a couple of occasions that he would NOT be home until late and that the snow would sit and become compacted from cars rolling over it and that is SUCH a pet peeve of mine!) the first two years that I was here, but now..... fuck it... that is the MAN'S roll to shovel that darn snow! Shit a couple times I was out there and straight UP felt like I was about to have a heart attack!!! SHIIII-IT !!!! Not anymore.... if that shit DOESN'T get shoveled, c'est la vie.... I am rollin over the shit until it melts, hell I have AWD!!!! LOL

Anyway.... it looks like he was getting a workout (hee hee).....

My only question was with this 10-14 inches that have fallen today...WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY couldn't TODAY have happened TO.MOR.ROW?????????????????????????????? DAMN weather! LOL


Melonie said...

An appointment?! I'm sorry, I would've hopped on the back of the line, all those other suckas be damned.

Damn! Who knew Santa had it like that?! lol

And I'm loving the look on your husband's face. It's pretty where you're at but, uhhh...that's a whole lotta snow!

Heart Drops said...

an appointment to see santa? oh I feel sorry for my kids when I have them. I would have marched my impatient behind out of there!

The Goddess said...

Yeah, that's some BS right there. I agree with Melonie, I would have just got in line F an appt.

Girl, I don't do snow either. The boys started shoveling at 8 and 10 and that was the LAST time I picked up a shovel. Never again. It's the kids and the hubby's job now. I hate snow and dang sure wont be shoveling it.

Shai said...

An appointment for Santa? WTH! That is beyond commercialism.

I never took my daughter to see Santa, plus at 6 she broke it down why Santa did not exist, so she has no pic of her and Santa.

1969 said...

Yeah...this Santa stuff is totally out of control.

Hope you and the family had a wonderful holiday.