Scared

I just figured out why I have been feeling the way that I have about my job. Why I am scared.....

I am constantly being asked to do more (i.e. I just had to work on this past Saturday...(yeah ya'll I did it), create a training module, being the facilitator of two other training classes (other peers are too) ) and I feel that I am not getting the money I deserve.

My girl who works with me and is in charge of almost ALL of the increase letters (EXCEPT for HR) told me that she was talking to my boss the other day about the new position that is now open on our team because someone left. Well... my boss said "I want the new person to come in in that "jr.role" like we had (me) do...even though she (me) got thrown into a "real" role and did not do the jr. position for long....."

Oh squo? I am doing the work ,have been doing the work and you realize this and yo BLACK ASS (she is black if I hadn't mentioned that before) ain't trying to get me paid (like you promised when I TOOK this job????)

Well, I guess the old addage is true..... you have to FIGHT for yourself! And now we are at the crux of the reason I am scared. I am scared that if I fight for this, bringing this up when this company is being SUPER cheap and we STILL are not doing ANY hiring except for in other states, that IF, JUST IF I am not given my just due (and being that I am armed with the secret knowledge that someone who does what I do, just had THEIR pay bumped up),IF, JUST IF the answer is no.....

I am scared that my attitude will be SO BAD that it will be evident and that I will start a downward spiral towards being "one of those employeees". You see.... you can only get over on the back of MY works for so long now that I am older. The older I have gotten, the SHORTER my tolerance is for mess like that! And I have HAD it with this company making changes LITERALLY like people change their fucking underwear and having the "you outta be HAPPY we kept you around" attitude about every.single.worker up in here!

So.... I am scared that IF I am not given my just due in the way of CASH, that until I find another job that I will not be able to HIDE my anger and resentment. I do not want to do it, but I know me and it will be EXTREMELY difficult for me to keep being REQUIRED (not given the option) to do shit and not have an attitude! I know me.... I have lived with me for a long time and now is NOT the time to get a new job (around X-mas it is ALWAYS harder to find a new job because in corporate america, it's the end-of-the-year). I do not want to get fired, but I will be very upset if this does not go my way (which I am really doubting it will given trend predictions of late).....

And I am scared that I will not be able to hide it......