frustrated

* I was offered the "lower", JUNIOR position on the team for whom I have been working.

* I am glad to still have a job

*I am LIVID FUCKING ANGRY AND PISSED that my pay was CUT due to this change by $8,000 a year. I was told that this is because the "position" dictates the salary....not the person's experience and that they are "now" (see: since they have had their asses chopped in half by the market conditions, they will be cheaper with people). Soooo basically FUCK my 11 years experience that I have in HR..... (this will make a total of $15,000 that my salary was decreased by since last year at this time....I don't need this shit and am therefore looking for another job..... who can afford to have THAT Much cut out of their salaries???????!!!!)

*Some people I work with(as said by my boss) "may have to take as much as a $20,000 job, so my situation ($8K less)" and apparently the bitch acted like I was going to do a real happy dance????? WTF???

* I was told (by my old boss ...who is a young black chick....try 27 years old) that:

1.I may get to get to a "real" position instead of a "junior" position in this team, but that I (to the new leader) have seemed "unengaged" with the new team, but that in my defense she told the new leader (also a BLACK WOMAN who is in her late 40's) that she has seen that in alot of other people who have been displaced and in "temporary" roles and given the uncertainty of our jobs that seeming "unengaged" was not atypical. (well la-di-fucking-da..... ya THINK???? Why would I be "completely engaged" into a job that I didn't know if I had a SOLID chance of staying at???? There was no way I was going to go in like gangbusters and put alllll my sweat equity into something that I MIGHT have been leaving!!! I am like has this bitch (the new boss) ever been through this shit or have a shred of understanding of all of the EMOTIONAL changes and shit that a person goes through at a time like this????? A-fucking-parently NOT!!!

2. I was told that apparently I have been having too many "converstations" with my old team members (2 of them that were still right around the corner from where I sit) and that it's "noticeable".... Well, again.... I needed someone to talk to other than the dry ass people on this team (who I have NO relationshipt with because they just are..... weird...at least the ones I sit near) and so that's a problem apparently, too.)

3.I can "make or break it" meaning, that this position has the "potential" to turn-into a "real position" and not stay a "Jr." one but they want to see that I can "step up" and really get involved because that hasn't been seen as of yet.

4. The new boss apparently saw fit to tell my old boss about a situation that , by all accounts, was simply a LACK OF COMMUNICATION from this *new* leader/team about when some things needed to be entered into the computer by so that some reports could be run. Because of the fact that they have basically not GIVEN me anything except for bullshit-ass BUSY work to do.... and no timeframe was given, I just kept plugging away as I had time between doing time sensitive reports which have to be done within 48-hrs of me receiving them AND helping the chick that I sit next to, who is always sending out emails saying "can someone help me today.... I am over my 40 hrs" (since they are not allowing o.t. since this crackdown). It was a simple misunderstanding, but this bitch WOMAN decided to for SOME fucking reason tell my OLD boss about it even AFTER she and I had talked about it. That tells me that she is petty. That kinda of bullshit burns me up....it wasn't the 10th time that had happened and I had NOT been in the team long enough to know about typical deadlines,etc. and it ESPECIALLY pisses me of since she's BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

So......how do you think my attitude is?

I just need to find another job and I THANK GOD that I have one that pays more than unemployment while I do so! the only thing that makes me hesistant is that this company has alot of good training/continuing training for it's employees that I feel I could benefit from. But I feel like I don't have TIME for all that. Having $8,000 cut from my salary is literally CRITICAL to me living the way that I have. I BARELY had any money left over for shit BEFORE (since I had already taken a $7,000 cut in salary!!!!) I can't stay here for 6 months...or a year to "see" if I can move up and get a better salary! I need that money NOW. PERIOD.

So..... the search begins...again..... with a shit-lovin' smile on my face every.day I am up in there.

*I feel completely down right now and unmotivated.