As the old saying goes “the early bird gets the worm” or was it “better late than never”? Yeah, that’s it! I subscribe to the latter. You seem I am horribly afflicted with the “CPT disease”…..yup…… I just CAN’T seem to be on time. Here, lemme ‘splain….
I have a boss who is a micromanaging jackass. I am a manager. I am an exempt employee. Yet, she ROUTINELY nickel-n-dimes me about being 3-5 minutes late. This (probably due to the fact that I could definitely be a case study in “reverse psychology”) just makes me REALLY not put forth the effort to be here early. Because that kind of time frame is negligible. Yeah I know it’s the “principle” and it’s the “rules”. But in my opinion, if you value your employees,something such as 5 minutes should NOT be noted, cited, catalogued and preserved in your tiny little brain.
Most of this is probably because she and I OFTEN have different takes on things and I ROUTINELY challenge the dumb-shit she does, so this is par for the course with me & her. But it really makes me NOT want to be here 5 minutes or even 10 minutes before hand. Me being 5 minutes late is just petty. But here’s the deal as well, I HAAAAAAAATE being around her soooooooooo much, that I do NOT WANT to be even 1 MINUTE early for work!!! But I am getting off of the subject matter.
I find it difficult to be early or on time. It’s really a terrible fault I have. I am not like 30-40 minutes late when I am supposed to meet someone, but I might be RIIIIIIIIIGHT on the nose or a leeeeetle, wee bit late.
As well, I am a HORRIBLE procrastinator, much to the irritation of my boss. She occasionally points out that “ I should NOT wait until the last minute to write my charges (that she wants to read before I send them out)”. Look…. I write very well. I do NOT NEED your azz to do every “i” and cross every “t” I just don’t. So, I am of the position that I really do NOT care if YOU are irritated because I am doing this when I am comfortable doing it AND before the deadline. This is one thing that I am NEVER late on. Writing responses to the Dept. of Civil Rights or EEOC charges. Them mofo’s don’t play and a fine could mean my ass! So, we don’t play with that.
However, I am (and have AAAALWAYS been ) a person that works better under pressure. If you give me 6 weeks to do a project, if I were forced to do it in the first few weeks, the product you’d get would resemble cow dung. Because if it’s too far in advance, I have no sense of urgency, therefore I have a lack of attention to the task at hand. But gimme something that’s due in 4 days…… I can probably get it done in 1, but that 4 day window is juuuuust enough for me to work at an accelerated-leisurely, but steady pace. Then the product will be lovely, because I was focused. I just cannot “FOCUS” * picture me squinting and pursing lips* if it’s too far in advance.
One day, I’ll get better….maybe
Catch ya on the rebound,
r.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
My Editorial....and .05 cents
Thanks to everyoen that took the time to comment on this topic surrounding the movie Crash. This movie had several subplots and several issues that I could have spoken to, but I felt that I should narrow the field or we'd be here all day dialoguing and debating ;)
My .05 cents
In my humble opinion, if it were me that was in this situation, I would NOT have wanted to go to jail and would have preferred that my husband say NOT A DAMN THING. Hear me out on this. Though I would've been seething and as Danyel said "I would want him to stand still, though, so we could get home and plan (and execute) a horrible, long-lasting, tortuous demise for the cop in question.
I am coming froma different frame of reference than I think most people were when they commented. It's not that I believe wholeheartedly and blindly in the justice system, I feel quite the opposite actually. I however have a 15 month old child. And I CANNOT AFFORD for him to grow up without a Mommy OR a Daddy. Period. That cop was just ITCHING (like he had crabs) to FIND a sliver of a reason to JACK THEM UP!
I also would not let MY personal ego come into play when it comes to either me and hubby shutting the HELL up, or us potentially having an ugly situation go from bad to HORRIBLE in a flash. And I say "ego" because NO ONE wants to be embarrassed and disrespected and it takes a STROOOOOONNNNNG person to think of the consequences that could come out of a situation when you're IN the situation! Yes, I would want my husband to "protect my honor", but what have I gained if I go to jail or if me AND my husband go to jail???? Life is full of hard choices and the otpions before you are NEVER equally weighted. Of COURSE I would feel that my honor is worth protecting AND fighting for. But isn't my life and my family as well???? YES, would want to strangle the breath out of that cop if that were done to me, yes, I would want to damn near castrate him, BUT..... on the other hand, why should I let this ONE ASSHOLE ruin (well,potentially ruin...you never know WHAT could happen once you set the chain of events rolling) my life????? I work at a job where if you are CONVICTED of a crime, you are terminated. O.K., so, what happens when I then go to ANOTHER job and they run a background check and see a misdemeanor or a felony on my record??? I make a pretty decent salary and I can damn near GUARANTEE that as a black woman in America, if I had a "record" it would be EXCEEDINGLY and REDICULOUSLY difficult to get that back somewhere else. I would be branded thrice. Black. Woman.Criminal.
I am torn about this one. Because I feel that even with cops that ARE NOT racist and crooked, it only takes a COUPLE of "fuck you's" and "go to hell's " and "you can't do that to me's" to make MOST cops go OFF! They, in my opinion, have a God complex. They feel untouchable and for the most part..... when it comes to proving who was wrong, if they had "reasonable suspicion" to think whatever it is that they THOUGHT that made them do whatever it was that they DID, there's a good chance they'll get off. Reasonable suspicion. But I also would WANT to curse them from here to Sunday and have my husband slam him and pummel his forehead into the ground.
Now, I also know that in certain situations, the cops (like this one ) are just f**ked up and it doesn't really matter if you look well dressed or are well spoken. You MUST do EXACTLY what Terrence did (i.e.apologize and just try to get the hell out of the situation unharmed and unhandcufed.) I see the arguments of everyone, however, the risk is too great for the potential price that I would have to pay for letting his STUPID ass "take me there" . I would rather feel DISRESPECTED than be taken away from my family (in this particular situation...not in a more severe one such as him attempting to rape or something of the like). I would rather deal with his ass through the courts and such (like I said, I don't have faith in that shit either, truth be told, but it's better than doing a bid because shit got outta hand).
Because, just LET me get away and your ass is mine.....one way or another. That would NOT be the last, but this time there would be something that anonymously "happens" to your ass.... it would be dealt with, and NOT by my own hands.
So there ya have it. I would've shut the f**k up and wanted my husband to do the same in this partucluar situation. It would be dealt with later.
My .05 cents
In my humble opinion, if it were me that was in this situation, I would NOT have wanted to go to jail and would have preferred that my husband say NOT A DAMN THING. Hear me out on this. Though I would've been seething and as Danyel said "I would want him to stand still, though, so we could get home and plan (and execute) a horrible, long-lasting, tortuous demise for the cop in question.
I am coming froma different frame of reference than I think most people were when they commented. It's not that I believe wholeheartedly and blindly in the justice system, I feel quite the opposite actually. I however have a 15 month old child. And I CANNOT AFFORD for him to grow up without a Mommy OR a Daddy. Period. That cop was just ITCHING (like he had crabs) to FIND a sliver of a reason to JACK THEM UP!
I also would not let MY personal ego come into play when it comes to either me and hubby shutting the HELL up, or us potentially having an ugly situation go from bad to HORRIBLE in a flash. And I say "ego" because NO ONE wants to be embarrassed and disrespected and it takes a STROOOOOONNNNNG person to think of the consequences that could come out of a situation when you're IN the situation! Yes, I would want my husband to "protect my honor", but what have I gained if I go to jail or if me AND my husband go to jail???? Life is full of hard choices and the otpions before you are NEVER equally weighted. Of COURSE I would feel that my honor is worth protecting AND fighting for. But isn't my life and my family as well???? YES, would want to strangle the breath out of that cop if that were done to me, yes, I would want to damn near castrate him, BUT..... on the other hand, why should I let this ONE ASSHOLE ruin (well,potentially ruin...you never know WHAT could happen once you set the chain of events rolling) my life????? I work at a job where if you are CONVICTED of a crime, you are terminated. O.K., so, what happens when I then go to ANOTHER job and they run a background check and see a misdemeanor or a felony on my record??? I make a pretty decent salary and I can damn near GUARANTEE that as a black woman in America, if I had a "record" it would be EXCEEDINGLY and REDICULOUSLY difficult to get that back somewhere else. I would be branded thrice. Black. Woman.Criminal.
I am torn about this one. Because I feel that even with cops that ARE NOT racist and crooked, it only takes a COUPLE of "fuck you's" and "go to hell's " and "you can't do that to me's" to make MOST cops go OFF! They, in my opinion, have a God complex. They feel untouchable and for the most part..... when it comes to proving who was wrong, if they had "reasonable suspicion" to think whatever it is that they THOUGHT that made them do whatever it was that they DID, there's a good chance they'll get off. Reasonable suspicion. But I also would WANT to curse them from here to Sunday and have my husband slam him and pummel his forehead into the ground.
Now, I also know that in certain situations, the cops (like this one ) are just f**ked up and it doesn't really matter if you look well dressed or are well spoken. You MUST do EXACTLY what Terrence did (i.e.apologize and just try to get the hell out of the situation unharmed and unhandcufed.) I see the arguments of everyone, however, the risk is too great for the potential price that I would have to pay for letting his STUPID ass "take me there" . I would rather feel DISRESPECTED than be taken away from my family (in this particular situation...not in a more severe one such as him attempting to rape or something of the like). I would rather deal with his ass through the courts and such (like I said, I don't have faith in that shit either, truth be told, but it's better than doing a bid because shit got outta hand).
Because, just LET me get away and your ass is mine.....one way or another. That would NOT be the last, but this time there would be something that anonymously "happens" to your ass.... it would be dealt with, and NOT by my own hands.
So there ya have it. I would've shut the f**k up and wanted my husband to do the same in this partucluar situation. It would be dealt with later.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Crash
O.K ya'll...I knoooooow I am a day late and a dolla short on this one, but I JUST saw the movie "Crash". And for those that are late as hell like me, it was EXCELLENT!!!!!!!! I am going to go buy it today!
But this brings me to a controversial part in the movie
**DISCLAIMER**
If you have NOT seen the movie and do NOT wish to know a very important part of the movie, STOP READING NOW
(to refresh everyone's memory the scene I have a question about was the scene where the police officer pulls Thandie and Terrence over, just because he sees them in a Black Navigator, which is the type of vehicle being sought in connection with a car-jacking on the same evening. The police officer, who we have learned was obviously racist, pulls them over when he flashes his lights and sees they are black, though his partner is vehemently opposed to it. His partner tells him that "this is NOT the Navigator, the plates don't match, etc.". The racist police officer pulls them over anyway. He accuses Howard of being drunk by making him touch his nose and stand on one leg. Thandie gets upset, gets out of the car and begins telling the police that they are wrong for stopping them and due to her getting more and more angry and mouthing off to the police officer, the racist police officer proceeds to "frisk" Thandie, UP HER DRESS, BETWEEN HER LEGS, and OBVIOUSLY FEELING AND GRABBING her CROTCH , as she winces in shame, all in the name of "you could be hiding something up that coctail dress" when he obviously knew she wasn't. Terrence felt that he should not say anything because this police officer was the type to take them to jail in a heartbeat or do them bodily harm. So, in a backhanded way, the police officer coaxed Terrence into apologizing for the whole incident and Thandie was LIVID. She felt betrayed because she felt he sold out by aplogizing and was livid because he did not punch the guy out and go to jail to save her reputation. He felt that the police officer was a crazy racist nutball and to have kept running off at the mouth would've gotten him and possible her, killed. So he said nothing.
O.k., so, here are my question(s):
1.In the scene where Terrence Howard and Thandie Newton were pulled over by the police, men, what would you have done?
2. Women how would you feel if your man did nothing?
3. How would you feel if he had punched the police officer?
I love this movie because it speaks to racism and classism on so many levels. It is a movie that needs to be seen by blacks and whites alike.
Let me know what you think........ and then I'll tell you what I think!
But this brings me to a controversial part in the movie
**DISCLAIMER**
If you have NOT seen the movie and do NOT wish to know a very important part of the movie, STOP READING NOW
(to refresh everyone's memory the scene I have a question about was the scene where the police officer pulls Thandie and Terrence over, just because he sees them in a Black Navigator, which is the type of vehicle being sought in connection with a car-jacking on the same evening. The police officer, who we have learned was obviously racist, pulls them over when he flashes his lights and sees they are black, though his partner is vehemently opposed to it. His partner tells him that "this is NOT the Navigator, the plates don't match, etc.". The racist police officer pulls them over anyway. He accuses Howard of being drunk by making him touch his nose and stand on one leg. Thandie gets upset, gets out of the car and begins telling the police that they are wrong for stopping them and due to her getting more and more angry and mouthing off to the police officer, the racist police officer proceeds to "frisk" Thandie, UP HER DRESS, BETWEEN HER LEGS, and OBVIOUSLY FEELING AND GRABBING her CROTCH , as she winces in shame, all in the name of "you could be hiding something up that coctail dress" when he obviously knew she wasn't. Terrence felt that he should not say anything because this police officer was the type to take them to jail in a heartbeat or do them bodily harm. So, in a backhanded way, the police officer coaxed Terrence into apologizing for the whole incident and Thandie was LIVID. She felt betrayed because she felt he sold out by aplogizing and was livid because he did not punch the guy out and go to jail to save her reputation. He felt that the police officer was a crazy racist nutball and to have kept running off at the mouth would've gotten him and possible her, killed. So he said nothing.
O.k., so, here are my question(s):
1.In the scene where Terrence Howard and Thandie Newton were pulled over by the police, men, what would you have done?
2. Women how would you feel if your man did nothing?
3. How would you feel if he had punched the police officer?
I love this movie because it speaks to racism and classism on so many levels. It is a movie that needs to be seen by blacks and whites alike.
Let me know what you think........ and then I'll tell you what I think!
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
I decided to post a couple of pics of my little stinky boy. He is my light and my joy. He's now 15 months old and is into EVERYTHING!!! WHEW!! I need some vitamins to keep UP with his lil behind!!! :-)
He just looks like a little angel.....yaah right!! LOL
This pic was of he & my Mom in July...can't you tell she's just LOVIN' her first grandbaby???? :)
This one was of me & my stinky boy in July
He loves his daddy.....
Now....you'd SWEAR my child ain't black because THIS is what his face looks like when you try to give him some grits *SMDH*....we'll keep working on this...
He swears he rules the world!!!
That's it!! Thanks for coming...I'll post later on my "drunk neighbors" hee hee...yeah Rod.....this means YOU!!!
He just looks like a little angel.....yaah right!! LOL
This pic was of he & my Mom in July...can't you tell she's just LOVIN' her first grandbaby???? :)
This one was of me & my stinky boy in July
He loves his daddy.....
Now....you'd SWEAR my child ain't black because THIS is what his face looks like when you try to give him some grits *SMDH*....we'll keep working on this...
He swears he rules the world!!!
That's it!! Thanks for coming...I'll post later on my "drunk neighbors" hee hee...yeah Rod.....this means YOU!!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Cider Mills......
My girlfriend and I went to a Cider Mill last weekend. Actually, I had been meaning to post this but just did not have the time and forgot about this. For those of you unfamiliar with Cider Mills, they are very popular in the Midwest around this time of the year. Cider Mills are where fresh apple cider is made. It is pressed and put into jugs to be sold. Cide Mills are only open from late Aug. through the beginning of December. So if you want some cider you have a limited window. The mill that I go to is not that far from my house and is a very popular one. Not only can you get cider there, but you can get fresh warm cinnamon donuts, hot dogs, apple pie, caramel apples and an assortment of other apple-based products. There is also a shallow creek that runs right by the mill, so you can go and sit by the rocks and drink your cider and eat your donuts, etc. with your family. All products are fresh and free of preservatives and are the BOMB! On a cool fall afternoon it’s so nice to go to the Cider Mill, with it’s gorgeous scenery and cozy, relaxed atmosphere.
SCCCRRRRREEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!
Except for:
THE BEES:
*cue the music from a scene in a Star Trek episode where they leave you on the edge of your seat with a cliffhanger---to be continued*
“dun dun dun....DUD-DUH”
THE BEES:
Let me start by saying that I have never been stung by a bee in MY LIFE, but am DEATHLY afraid of them! Anything that I can’t get away from quickly enough that can follow my ass AND hurt me, it to be feared in my eyes!
So, now take that nice vision I gave you above and add “THE BEES-----EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE”
As soon as me & my girl pulled up, I said “aaawwww FUCK! I forgot about them fucking stankin ass BEES!” There are ALLLLLLLLWAYS bees at the Cider Mill. I said “DAMN, don’t these assholes invest in Extermination services????? DAMN! You KNOW that there will be bees because of the sweet smell/taste of the apples!! Why won’t these jackasses get some roach spray or something! Jeeeesh!”
Fear immediately set in. It was probably some foreshadowing……
Sooooo…we get out of the car and immediately I see the bees, flying aroud the lot where we were, near the brook, near EVERY garbage can and DEFINITELY near the entrances to the Cider Mill. I said to myself *hmmm…there must be more of them around now than when I usually make my first trip in October, because it’s hot still and the smell travels/is more intense and draws them nearer in bigger numbers…..*
So, anywho there were two walking paths to take to go up to the cider mill itself. I quickly assessed which one had the LEAST amount of bees buzzing about and told my girl (who had not been to one before) “cool….let’s go this way…less bees”.
So, we get up to the little house-shaped apple-dwelling and go in….so we look around and get in line. As we are in line peoplr are constantly in & out of this place, so there are a few bees INSIDE the screened door looking as if they are trying to get out. I keep it movin up the line tryin’ to get away from them even.
So, fast forward, we get our donuts and our cider and since it was still a warm summer day, they had this “cider slush”, so we got a small one to share. I bought a ½ gallon of cider and she bought a quart.
So, off we go into the parking lot. So, dig if you will a picture: She gets a phone call as we leave and she’s carrying my ½ gallon of cider. She’s in front of me and I’m behind her. I have the cider slush in my left hand, my purse on my left arm ( which is one of those “open at the top with no zipper” small, bucket types of purses that CANNOT go on your shoulder because the strap is too short), and her quart of cider in my right hand. (all this detail is going somewhere….bear with me)
We’re going to the car and this BEE lands RIGHT ON THE TOP OF MY CUP OF SLUSH! OHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHIT! I start gently waving my hand with the slush in it, ( and my purse on my arm) around trying to get the bee to go away. It doesn’t work, I wave harder. My girl is on the phone just a walkin not paying ONE bit of attention to my ass trying to stay cool, but ‘bout to go into a FIT! The bee, persistent little fucker that is was, would NOT GO AWAY! I start flailing my arm (the one with the purse on it and the slush in hand) back and forth trying to get away, all the while bobbing and weaving like I was Laila Ali, trying to get AWAAAAAAY from this damn bee! Shit is threatening to fall out of my purse (remember the purse is open at the top) and I am going fucking CRAZEEEEEEEE !!!! It STIIIIIIIIILL would NOT go away. So, I start backing up, flailing my arms and sprinting backwards, forwards and sideways TRYING to get this damn bee away from me. Now, I knew the little jackass was probably getting irritated because I was swatting at him and shit and he would come back towards me, looking like he was trying to run INTO my face and shit and I was going FUCKIN crazy! My friend was STILL ON the GATDAMN PHONE and was STILL paying me NO attention until I yelled “SAMAAAAAAAANTHAA!!!!!! HEEEEELLLLP!! YAAAAAAHHHHH” as I’m running from the fucking bee! I mean this bee stuck with me for AT LEAST 250 feet! I could NOT get away. And even when my “friend” did turn around she only turned around ¼ of the way in a “what the shit?” kinda way and kept right-the-fuck-on talking and walking as I stood there, twisting my head from side to side (picture how a dog shakes water off of it’s body) so hard that my hair was slapping me in my face! . I KNOW I was looking like a heroin-laced crack head with Turret’s !!! I was going absolutely APE –SHIT! This godamn bee would NOT leave me alone!!! All this time my girl STILL on the phone.
As we approached the car apparently the bee relented…thank God! I did NOT drop my slush and to top it OFF, when I got to the car, I was the one who had to get my keys out and open the door!! I wanted to kill my girl!!!! At that point I wasn’t convinced that the bee had not jumped on my back or something so I’m looking around like I’m a schizo that sees shit crawling on their body or something and trying to make sure his ass wasn’t around before I got in the car. Somehow I shook his ass AND salvaged the crushed, yet, drinkable cup of cider slush. Hallaleujah!
So….moral of the story…don’t go to Cider Mills when it’s hot….or without a pollinators-suit on…..
“Bee” e-z yall ………
SCCCRRRRREEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!
Except for:
THE BEES:
*cue the music from a scene in a Star Trek episode where they leave you on the edge of your seat with a cliffhanger---to be continued*
“dun dun dun....DUD-DUH”
THE BEES:
Let me start by saying that I have never been stung by a bee in MY LIFE, but am DEATHLY afraid of them! Anything that I can’t get away from quickly enough that can follow my ass AND hurt me, it to be feared in my eyes!
So, now take that nice vision I gave you above and add “THE BEES-----EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE”
As soon as me & my girl pulled up, I said “aaawwww FUCK! I forgot about them fucking stankin ass BEES!” There are ALLLLLLLLWAYS bees at the Cider Mill. I said “DAMN, don’t these assholes invest in Extermination services????? DAMN! You KNOW that there will be bees because of the sweet smell/taste of the apples!! Why won’t these jackasses get some roach spray or something! Jeeeesh!”
Fear immediately set in. It was probably some foreshadowing……
Sooooo…we get out of the car and immediately I see the bees, flying aroud the lot where we were, near the brook, near EVERY garbage can and DEFINITELY near the entrances to the Cider Mill. I said to myself *hmmm…there must be more of them around now than when I usually make my first trip in October, because it’s hot still and the smell travels/is more intense and draws them nearer in bigger numbers…..*
So, anywho there were two walking paths to take to go up to the cider mill itself. I quickly assessed which one had the LEAST amount of bees buzzing about and told my girl (who had not been to one before) “cool….let’s go this way…less bees”.
So, we get up to the little house-shaped apple-dwelling and go in….so we look around and get in line. As we are in line peoplr are constantly in & out of this place, so there are a few bees INSIDE the screened door looking as if they are trying to get out. I keep it movin up the line tryin’ to get away from them even.
So, fast forward, we get our donuts and our cider and since it was still a warm summer day, they had this “cider slush”, so we got a small one to share. I bought a ½ gallon of cider and she bought a quart.
So, off we go into the parking lot. So, dig if you will a picture: She gets a phone call as we leave and she’s carrying my ½ gallon of cider. She’s in front of me and I’m behind her. I have the cider slush in my left hand, my purse on my left arm ( which is one of those “open at the top with no zipper” small, bucket types of purses that CANNOT go on your shoulder because the strap is too short), and her quart of cider in my right hand. (all this detail is going somewhere….bear with me)
We’re going to the car and this BEE lands RIGHT ON THE TOP OF MY CUP OF SLUSH! OHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHIT! I start gently waving my hand with the slush in it, ( and my purse on my arm) around trying to get the bee to go away. It doesn’t work, I wave harder. My girl is on the phone just a walkin not paying ONE bit of attention to my ass trying to stay cool, but ‘bout to go into a FIT! The bee, persistent little fucker that is was, would NOT GO AWAY! I start flailing my arm (the one with the purse on it and the slush in hand) back and forth trying to get away, all the while bobbing and weaving like I was Laila Ali, trying to get AWAAAAAAY from this damn bee! Shit is threatening to fall out of my purse (remember the purse is open at the top) and I am going fucking CRAZEEEEEEEE !!!! It STIIIIIIIIILL would NOT go away. So, I start backing up, flailing my arms and sprinting backwards, forwards and sideways TRYING to get this damn bee away from me. Now, I knew the little jackass was probably getting irritated because I was swatting at him and shit and he would come back towards me, looking like he was trying to run INTO my face and shit and I was going FUCKIN crazy! My friend was STILL ON the GATDAMN PHONE and was STILL paying me NO attention until I yelled “SAMAAAAAAAANTHAA!!!!!! HEEEEELLLLP!! YAAAAAAHHHHH” as I’m running from the fucking bee! I mean this bee stuck with me for AT LEAST 250 feet! I could NOT get away. And even when my “friend” did turn around she only turned around ¼ of the way in a “what the shit?” kinda way and kept right-the-fuck-on talking and walking as I stood there, twisting my head from side to side (picture how a dog shakes water off of it’s body) so hard that my hair was slapping me in my face! . I KNOW I was looking like a heroin-laced crack head with Turret’s !!! I was going absolutely APE –SHIT! This godamn bee would NOT leave me alone!!! All this time my girl STILL on the phone.
As we approached the car apparently the bee relented…thank God! I did NOT drop my slush and to top it OFF, when I got to the car, I was the one who had to get my keys out and open the door!! I wanted to kill my girl!!!! At that point I wasn’t convinced that the bee had not jumped on my back or something so I’m looking around like I’m a schizo that sees shit crawling on their body or something and trying to make sure his ass wasn’t around before I got in the car. Somehow I shook his ass AND salvaged the crushed, yet, drinkable cup of cider slush. Hallaleujah!
So….moral of the story…don’t go to Cider Mills when it’s hot….or without a pollinators-suit on…..
“Bee” e-z yall ………
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Presidential Asskissing
Hello good bloggers!
I am here to rant today :-) If there is one thing that I realize more and more about myself and my likes and dislikes, it is that I HATE, ABHOR and VEHEMENTLY OPPOSE ass-kising. Personally, I think that it's because the older I get the more I see the intracacies of the corproate work-world for what it is....a bunch of ass-kissing, assholes, who are trying to step on your head, slit your throat or just generally fuck you up to get ahead.
I hate playing this game.
As a matter of fact, I have rebuffed the notion that I should HAVE to play this game. First of all, I am the type of person (at work)that does NOT trust damn near ANYONE. My girl "Sexxicat" is the only one. She is an exception though and she is black. There is much to be said for that last statement which I will explain in a later tangent. In general, I have found that white people and black people look at things VERRRRY differently (I know, I know.....what was my first clue,right?). And this extends into EVERYTHING!!!
I now know why my grandmother just "let it fly" when it came to expressing herself at age 82. IT was because she had probably gotten SICK AND TIRED of tip-toing around muthafucka's for a nice portion of her adult life! I used to always be the one (around whites I work with) who thought "you are innocent until proven guilty". No more. White folks will fuck ya up and say some shit sometimes (i feel) on purpose and sometimes just out of STUPIDITY and sometimes just because. I trust no one.....
I swear!! For example, if you know my boss is an unreasonable bitch, why would you say something (OBVIOUSLY to fuck me up) to fuck me up??? Lemme give you a real life example: I was talking to my girl Sexxicat(who is black) and Idiot1 walks by...no problem. So he just happend to walk BACK by when I was talking to Sexiicat again. Now, if you know me, you've heard many a diatribe on the ills of my boss and how much I REALLY dislike this heffa. She is irritating, micromanaging, fake, nosey and a wanna-be. What is a wanna-be int his case?? A wanna-be-seeming-like-you're-my-friend-but-you'll-tell-ALLLLLL-my-business-as-soon-as-I-turn-around-to-anyone-you-feels-need-to-know kinda bitch. This ASSHOLE says "Dang! Didn't I LEAVE YOU RIGHT THERE talking to her an hour ago??" This jackass said it loud enough for our boss to hear the shit. The reason why this is a problem is because just from my boss HEARING something like that, it would be filed away and catalogued OR she would call me or Sexxicat into her office and have a "talk" with us abut how people "perceive" us.... fuck a gatdamn perception! Give me the real! hhmmph! And because Sexxicat and I work for the same bitch and Sexxi'c cube is right outside (albeit mostly out of view) of our bosses office, what this ass said was that much MORE offensive and purposeful! And he KNOWS that she's bitch. After all hs sits in the same area that we do and is privy to her stupid antics and our arguments. So, his ass DEFINITELY knew!
But though Sexxi sits close to our boas, we can still have "whisper-chatter" and my stankin-ass boss not know unless she was looking at us or if some asshole said something like Idiot1 did!! And like I said before, my boss is nosey enough to the point that she WOULD come out or at least look to see who was talking. JUST lucky for us, my boss wasn't in her office. I started to LIGHT THIS MUTHAFUCKA on fire! But he is the type of smart-assed individual that if you say something smart (like I wanted to say "woo-hoo....I guess they DID give you that position as hall monitor, huh?") he would come back at you with ANOTHER smart-assed comment and then that woudl incite the demon in me and....... well you see where I'm going (not to mention he is a "director" (of what I'd like to know because all he does is sit at a danm computer trying to listen to conversations.....no typing....just sitting.....QUIET AS A STATUE. what the fuck are you doing? playing on the damn internet...probably, just like me... hee hee). So I said nothing and just let his dumb-ass walk on by.....but I was HOT! He knew what the fuck he was saying! Why ares you so fucused on MY BUSINESS???? Why? Because he is bound by a different set of rules ...."white folks work rules"......
So...back to the topic of this post. Our president's birthday is tomorrow. *crickets* Do you think I give a damn??? Yeah , he's nice and all, but O.K.......
So, these ass-bitin (white folks) have put up ballons, banners, streamers, table clothed the front cabinet (in preparation no doubt, for a cake), puffy mini-baloons,put up placards with "Happy 45th" on it, confetti and other miscellaneous decorations.
Now, at the risk of sounding like a hater.....do they think that they will 1. get a raise 2. garner any favors 3.be remembered an hour after the party . I have no such misconceptions. It's simply not going to happen The president is nice enough, but such vulgar displays of asskissing just nauseate me.
I am soooo not a hater, I just do NOT see the purpose in kissing the damn president's ass! I am think that I am soooooo over the whole "corporate" thing and am just feeling crotchety and funk-ety. For no good reason.
So, tomorrow.....let them eat cake....
I don't want none *nose tooted up to the sky*
I am here to rant today :-) If there is one thing that I realize more and more about myself and my likes and dislikes, it is that I HATE, ABHOR and VEHEMENTLY OPPOSE ass-kising. Personally, I think that it's because the older I get the more I see the intracacies of the corproate work-world for what it is....a bunch of ass-kissing, assholes, who are trying to step on your head, slit your throat or just generally fuck you up to get ahead.
I hate playing this game.
As a matter of fact, I have rebuffed the notion that I should HAVE to play this game. First of all, I am the type of person (at work)that does NOT trust damn near ANYONE. My girl "Sexxicat" is the only one. She is an exception though and she is black. There is much to be said for that last statement which I will explain in a later tangent. In general, I have found that white people and black people look at things VERRRRY differently (I know, I know.....what was my first clue,right?). And this extends into EVERYTHING!!!
I now know why my grandmother just "let it fly" when it came to expressing herself at age 82. IT was because she had probably gotten SICK AND TIRED of tip-toing around muthafucka's for a nice portion of her adult life! I used to always be the one (around whites I work with) who thought "you are innocent until proven guilty". No more. White folks will fuck ya up and say some shit sometimes (i feel) on purpose and sometimes just out of STUPIDITY and sometimes just because. I trust no one.....
I swear!! For example, if you know my boss is an unreasonable bitch, why would you say something (OBVIOUSLY to fuck me up) to fuck me up??? Lemme give you a real life example: I was talking to my girl Sexxicat(who is black) and Idiot1 walks by...no problem. So he just happend to walk BACK by when I was talking to Sexiicat again. Now, if you know me, you've heard many a diatribe on the ills of my boss and how much I REALLY dislike this heffa. She is irritating, micromanaging, fake, nosey and a wanna-be. What is a wanna-be int his case?? A wanna-be-seeming-like-you're-my-friend-but-you'll-tell-ALLLLLL-my-business-as-soon-as-I-turn-around-to-anyone-you-feels-need-to-know kinda bitch. This ASSHOLE says "Dang! Didn't I LEAVE YOU RIGHT THERE talking to her an hour ago??" This jackass said it loud enough for our boss to hear the shit. The reason why this is a problem is because just from my boss HEARING something like that, it would be filed away and catalogued OR she would call me or Sexxicat into her office and have a "talk" with us abut how people "perceive" us.... fuck a gatdamn perception! Give me the real! hhmmph! And because Sexxicat and I work for the same bitch and Sexxi'c cube is right outside (albeit mostly out of view) of our bosses office, what this ass said was that much MORE offensive and purposeful! And he KNOWS that she's bitch. After all hs sits in the same area that we do and is privy to her stupid antics and our arguments. So, his ass DEFINITELY knew!
But though Sexxi sits close to our boas, we can still have "whisper-chatter" and my stankin-ass boss not know unless she was looking at us or if some asshole said something like Idiot1 did!! And like I said before, my boss is nosey enough to the point that she WOULD come out or at least look to see who was talking. JUST lucky for us, my boss wasn't in her office. I started to LIGHT THIS MUTHAFUCKA on fire! But he is the type of smart-assed individual that if you say something smart (like I wanted to say "woo-hoo....I guess they DID give you that position as hall monitor, huh?") he would come back at you with ANOTHER smart-assed comment and then that woudl incite the demon in me and....... well you see where I'm going (not to mention he is a "director" (of what I'd like to know because all he does is sit at a danm computer trying to listen to conversations.....no typing....just sitting.....QUIET AS A STATUE. what the fuck are you doing? playing on the damn internet...probably, just like me... hee hee). So I said nothing and just let his dumb-ass walk on by.....but I was HOT! He knew what the fuck he was saying! Why ares you so fucused on MY BUSINESS???? Why? Because he is bound by a different set of rules ...."white folks work rules"......
So...back to the topic of this post. Our president's birthday is tomorrow. *crickets* Do you think I give a damn??? Yeah , he's nice and all, but O.K.......
So, these ass-bitin (white folks) have put up ballons, banners, streamers, table clothed the front cabinet (in preparation no doubt, for a cake), puffy mini-baloons,put up placards with "Happy 45th" on it, confetti and other miscellaneous decorations.
Now, at the risk of sounding like a hater.....do they think that they will 1. get a raise 2. garner any favors 3.be remembered an hour after the party . I have no such misconceptions. It's simply not going to happen The president is nice enough, but such vulgar displays of asskissing just nauseate me.
I am soooo not a hater, I just do NOT see the purpose in kissing the damn president's ass! I am think that I am soooooo over the whole "corporate" thing and am just feeling crotchety and funk-ety. For no good reason.
So, tomorrow.....let them eat cake....
I don't want none *nose tooted up to the sky*
Monday, September 12, 2005
Sunday Madness :-)
O.K, I MUST post something related to the SHEEEEER disdain I've expressed for football (hee hee). If you're just joining us read this to get urself up to speed!
O.K., so you clearly see the feelings that I am speaking of correct?? Well, I am posting THIS here post JUST for "O" !!! LMAO
As many of you know yesterday was the start of the looooooooonnnnng football season. Well....it's ong for me. O mentioned in my post from Sunday, that it appears that all went well on Sunday with the watching of football and all. Welllllll, don't count your rushing yardage just yet, sports fans!
Sunday, as previously mentioned was a good day! I was a little tired from Saturday and since I really wanted to go to the furniture store, I spent the better half of the morning cleaning up and trying to get some energy. I was sooooo tired (for Lord knows WHAT reason) and was trying to get it together, so we (the family) could go out together! I figured, after all....my husband played golf on Saturday, he's going to MOSTLY be watching football on SUnday, so..... he can SACRIFICE a little wee bit o' time for my ass. So, everything was cool... but.....somewhere in our communications, there was a little mix-up.
Let me clarify: I didn't get up and get showered until after 2pm and i thought that my husband said that we could go to the furniture store (which was open until 8pm because of the ginormous sale) after the 1-4 game went off. He had said that he wanted to SEE the 4:30-7:30 game, NOT go once it came on. This was the first mistake. So, you know I'm like "awwww shit. this nigga is gonna have an attitude in the damn store if he goes". So I say "Hey, you don't have to go, don't worry about it". He said "well, it wouldn't make any sense for you to go back because you already saw the furniture, so why would you be going back without me? Let's just go...." (does that sound like an attitude that YOU would want to go to the store with?????me neither...) But I didn't want to get into a "you don't have to go/ no, I'm going" argument. So, I just got in the car & went.
Well, we then see my girl that I went to the store with the day before and her husband (that myhusband played golf with the day before) at teh store, as they were purchasing their furniture.
Could the trip have waited? yes. But the sale was OVER as of yesterday and it had been for TWO DAYS ONLY and REALLY nice furnitire in the WHOLE STORE was 50-75% off! !!!! Now,I know that most men reading this (O,specifically you) are saying "who caaaaares about some furniture!" But this was important, especially with a sale like that that I didn't find OUT about UNTIL Saturday!
So, becuase the game was on WHILE we were at the store, both my husband AND my girlfriend's husband were ITCHING to get to a stationary locale to watch the rest of the game. So.....my husband invites them over to "finish watching the game......" and said he's cookout on the grill (the food he was SUPPOSED to cook on Saturday). So..... cool. We all get to the house and everything's good, no? NO.
Because we now had "guests" we had to "entertain". So bewtween him trying to put the food on the grill, me prep some of the food, me trying to put the baby to sleep, help him, set the table and make this seem "fun" on a Sunday NIGHT....MY ass was tired and irritable. AND...... since he is the "grillmaster"
he.could.not.watch.the.rest.of.the.game.
Can you say he was irritable beyond BELIEF ??? (hey, I wasn't the one that invited them nigga's back to the crib for t.v. and food......I'm not taking the rap for this one....at least not in total!)
So, there ya have it. He saw the 1st game, missed MOST of the 2nd game and saw the 3rd game...... I think that's pretty damn good, and I'm happy with it.
be easy.....
O.K., so you clearly see the feelings that I am speaking of correct?? Well, I am posting THIS here post JUST for "O" !!! LMAO
As many of you know yesterday was the start of the looooooooonnnnng football season. Well....it's ong for me. O mentioned in my post from Sunday, that it appears that all went well on Sunday with the watching of football and all. Welllllll, don't count your rushing yardage just yet, sports fans!
Sunday, as previously mentioned was a good day! I was a little tired from Saturday and since I really wanted to go to the furniture store, I spent the better half of the morning cleaning up and trying to get some energy. I was sooooo tired (for Lord knows WHAT reason) and was trying to get it together, so we (the family) could go out together! I figured, after all....my husband played golf on Saturday, he's going to MOSTLY be watching football on SUnday, so..... he can SACRIFICE a little wee bit o' time for my ass. So, everything was cool... but.....somewhere in our communications, there was a little mix-up.
Let me clarify: I didn't get up and get showered until after 2pm and i thought that my husband said that we could go to the furniture store (which was open until 8pm because of the ginormous sale) after the 1-4 game went off. He had said that he wanted to SEE the 4:30-7:30 game, NOT go once it came on. This was the first mistake. So, you know I'm like "awwww shit. this nigga is gonna have an attitude in the damn store if he goes". So I say "Hey, you don't have to go, don't worry about it". He said "well, it wouldn't make any sense for you to go back because you already saw the furniture, so why would you be going back without me? Let's just go...." (does that sound like an attitude that YOU would want to go to the store with?????me neither...) But I didn't want to get into a "you don't have to go/ no, I'm going" argument. So, I just got in the car & went.
Well, we then see my girl that I went to the store with the day before and her husband (that myhusband played golf with the day before) at teh store, as they were purchasing their furniture.
Could the trip have waited? yes. But the sale was OVER as of yesterday and it had been for TWO DAYS ONLY and REALLY nice furnitire in the WHOLE STORE was 50-75% off! !!!! Now,I know that most men reading this (O,specifically you) are saying "who caaaaares about some furniture!" But this was important, especially with a sale like that that I didn't find OUT about UNTIL Saturday!
So, becuase the game was on WHILE we were at the store, both my husband AND my girlfriend's husband were ITCHING to get to a stationary locale to watch the rest of the game. So.....my husband invites them over to "finish watching the game......" and said he's cookout on the grill (the food he was SUPPOSED to cook on Saturday). So..... cool. We all get to the house and everything's good, no? NO.
Because we now had "guests" we had to "entertain". So bewtween him trying to put the food on the grill, me prep some of the food, me trying to put the baby to sleep, help him, set the table and make this seem "fun" on a Sunday NIGHT....MY ass was tired and irritable. AND...... since he is the "grillmaster"
he.could.not.watch.the.rest.of.the.game.
Can you say he was irritable beyond BELIEF ??? (hey, I wasn't the one that invited them nigga's back to the crib for t.v. and food......I'm not taking the rap for this one....at least not in total!)
So, there ya have it. He saw the 1st game, missed MOST of the 2nd game and saw the 3rd game...... I think that's pretty damn good, and I'm happy with it.
be easy.....
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Good Weekend....
ya know...most of my weekends are well, boring. I usually don't do much as I am trying to FORGET about how much I hate my job, and just spend some time with the family. But we are usually not DOING anything. Yes, even though it is the summer, we don't go too many places. But this weekend was pretty cool.
On Saturday, my girlfriend that does my nails made me a little dinner on Friday while she was doing my nails to celebrate my birthday that was a couple weeks ago (Aug. 27...I'm still accepting gifts :-) and it was really nice! She also had some lil drinkie-drinks for us and we just sat around and talked and watched her kids run around. I realy appreciate my girlfriends. It was pretty clear to me this weekend that if me & the huby do move to Atlanta I will miss them sorely. I sooooooooooooo wish that I could pack them up and take them with us! I only know a very few (like literally the meaning of few...3 toi be exact) people in Atlanta. One is my college roommate who is cool, but she and I have lost touch ALOT over the years and I have only seen her like 4 times in the past 10 years when she comes back to Detroit to see her family. The other is my boy Bill who I talk to once in a while, but have lost semi-touch with too. I do have my sister-in law who I think is cool too, but there is nothing like "YOUR" girls. My girl Samantha said " ya know, if you move....I'mma just die! You are ,my only girlfriend that I can really hang with" She then went on to detail the fact that though she has other girls, you usually have one or two with whom you can really hang, withoug them getting on your gahtdamn nerves. And I second that emotion. That's my dawg. She and I have become closer since Samantha (Sam from here on out) started dating and eventually married my boy Melvin that I went to college with.
Sam came over on Saturday and we had a REAL girls day out. We went to persuse furniture stores, clothing stores,etc. Then we went back to my house, scooped up my little stinker and headed to the mall. It was a beautiful day and I had a ball. The hubby went to play golf with Sam's husband Mel, so the WHOLE family was having a good day!
Sunday: today we kinda layed around but we wanted to go back to this furniture store cuz there was this ginormous sale going on (50-75% off EVERYTHING in the store), so we went to see what we could see. Well, who do we come upon but Mel & Sam!!! LOL They had come back to buy a couch and we just wanted to see if we could strike a deal! Well, they ended up coming back to our crib and we cooked out and had a ball!
A good time was had by all!
I love my friends :-)
Great weekend!
On Saturday, my girlfriend that does my nails made me a little dinner on Friday while she was doing my nails to celebrate my birthday that was a couple weeks ago (Aug. 27...I'm still accepting gifts :-) and it was really nice! She also had some lil drinkie-drinks for us and we just sat around and talked and watched her kids run around. I realy appreciate my girlfriends. It was pretty clear to me this weekend that if me & the huby do move to Atlanta I will miss them sorely. I sooooooooooooo wish that I could pack them up and take them with us! I only know a very few (like literally the meaning of few...3 toi be exact) people in Atlanta. One is my college roommate who is cool, but she and I have lost touch ALOT over the years and I have only seen her like 4 times in the past 10 years when she comes back to Detroit to see her family. The other is my boy Bill who I talk to once in a while, but have lost semi-touch with too. I do have my sister-in law who I think is cool too, but there is nothing like "YOUR" girls. My girl Samantha said " ya know, if you move....I'mma just die! You are ,my only girlfriend that I can really hang with" She then went on to detail the fact that though she has other girls, you usually have one or two with whom you can really hang, withoug them getting on your gahtdamn nerves. And I second that emotion. That's my dawg. She and I have become closer since Samantha (Sam from here on out) started dating and eventually married my boy Melvin that I went to college with.
Sam came over on Saturday and we had a REAL girls day out. We went to persuse furniture stores, clothing stores,etc. Then we went back to my house, scooped up my little stinker and headed to the mall. It was a beautiful day and I had a ball. The hubby went to play golf with Sam's husband Mel, so the WHOLE family was having a good day!
Sunday: today we kinda layed around but we wanted to go back to this furniture store cuz there was this ginormous sale going on (50-75% off EVERYTHING in the store), so we went to see what we could see. Well, who do we come upon but Mel & Sam!!! LOL They had come back to buy a couch and we just wanted to see if we could strike a deal! Well, they ended up coming back to our crib and we cooked out and had a ball!
A good time was had by all!
I love my friends :-)
Great weekend!
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
FUCK FOOTBALL.
I have been inspired to write, no BITCH about this being the start of football season by another blogger.
For any of you that know and love me, you know that I HATE sports. In other words, I do not play or watch sports (i.e. football, basketball, baseball, soccer, hockey, bowling, golf, tennis....etc.). It is simply NOT my thing.
This has been a CONSTANT source of sourness between me and my betrothed. He on the other hand LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES TOO MANY sports in my opinion. Most of these sports could literally disappear from the face of the fucking earth FOREVER and people's memories and I would not shed a hint of a tear. The only sports I can tolerate watching are gymnastics, tennis and the summer Olympics sports.
My husband is in 2 fantasy football leagues (well he's participating in one this year), he bowls every Wednesday, and he watches golf, football, baseball,tennis, basketball....see a pattern here?
When we were dating he used to always go to his female friend's apartment (who lived LITERALLY a 7 second sprint from his) and watch football ALL FUCKING DAY on Sunday. YUCK! He cites that "you used to watch it with me". Correction, I went over there and maybe watched ONE game on two different occasions, never all day by any stretch. And the only reason I may have sat through an entire four hour stretch of a game was so I could be up under his "sports obsessed" ass. So, admittedly, now, I am nowhere in SIGHT after about suffering through about 30 minutes of a game (thank GOD for multiple televisions!)
I soooooooooooo do NOT want my son to be sports obsessed, a comment that makes my husband looks at me like I've grown 6 horns and four tails when I say it. He said "why not?!" and really expected a response! WHEW! And said "why would you NOT want him to be like me?" WTF??? First of all, watching sports and staying glued to ESPN, in my opinion has nothing to do with "being like you". There are so many more facets that make-up who and what my husband is. So, I just let that comment float into the air......
One thing is certain though.... I do think that there is more to life than being sports OBSESSED. I have no problem if you LIKE sports.....sitting around all day in yo draws, watching 3-4 games from sun-up to sundown is just stupid to me. That's all. But that is MY opinion.
Most of my girlfriends like at least ONE SPORT (usually either football or basketball). They admonish me and tell me that I "need to get into the sports with him". WTF?? I think not. He isn't getting into "gardening" with me! If I don't like it, I don't like it. Period. Watching sports is about as painful and irritating to me as a man being forced to watch "the life cycle of a dung beetle" mixed in with a little "crotcheting: you can learn it to" would be.
I do not bother him when he's watching it...I typically just let him watch. He has in turn, toned down how many games he watches. After all, we have a son, I'd like to spend time with him and I think it is selfish and sophomoric to think that you as a grown man should even WANT to spend 1/2 of the weekend posted up in front of the t.v.! My husband has compromised and I am glad of it because we are DEFINITELY at the two MOST EXTREME realms of the spectrum on the topic of sports. And I appreciate it.
But most men do NOT want to be bothered AT ALL when they are watching sports.O.K., dig this: What if we (women) said "you know what, every Saturday, I'm going to do what i wanna do, so.... don't ask me to cook, don't ask me to do yo laundry, don't ask me to feed or bathe the kids...just don't fuck with me at all". Yeah right! We as women would NEVER be allowed to get away with saying that we expect our signif. others or our husbands to not bother us when we arew doing something "we wanna do" for 12 hours on a weekend day or once every week, or anything like that. Maaaaan..... them niggas would have a shit-fit. So I sooooo don't wanna hear "the don't bother me when _____ is on". Nigga please. If I NEED to, I will. I will respect it, but if I NEED TO, I will. Women trying to make that kinda request would go over like a fucking fart in church! HMMPH!
I have learned as well as I can at the moment, to deal with this whole sports thing. Because I DO have a son, who will most LIKELY like SOME and/or participate in a sport (or 6 leave it to his daddy).
So, "are you ready for some football?!!" My answer is: as ready as I'm gonna be....
Because....after this sport ends.....another begins....and so on, and so on....and so on.......
For any of you that know and love me, you know that I HATE sports. In other words, I do not play or watch sports (i.e. football, basketball, baseball, soccer, hockey, bowling, golf, tennis....etc.). It is simply NOT my thing.
This has been a CONSTANT source of sourness between me and my betrothed. He on the other hand LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES TOO MANY sports in my opinion. Most of these sports could literally disappear from the face of the fucking earth FOREVER and people's memories and I would not shed a hint of a tear. The only sports I can tolerate watching are gymnastics, tennis and the summer Olympics sports.
My husband is in 2 fantasy football leagues (well he's participating in one this year), he bowls every Wednesday, and he watches golf, football, baseball,tennis, basketball....see a pattern here?
When we were dating he used to always go to his female friend's apartment (who lived LITERALLY a 7 second sprint from his) and watch football ALL FUCKING DAY on Sunday. YUCK! He cites that "you used to watch it with me". Correction, I went over there and maybe watched ONE game on two different occasions, never all day by any stretch. And the only reason I may have sat through an entire four hour stretch of a game was so I could be up under his "sports obsessed" ass. So, admittedly, now, I am nowhere in SIGHT after about suffering through about 30 minutes of a game (thank GOD for multiple televisions!)
I soooooooooooo do NOT want my son to be sports obsessed, a comment that makes my husband looks at me like I've grown 6 horns and four tails when I say it. He said "why not?!" and really expected a response! WHEW! And said "why would you NOT want him to be like me?" WTF??? First of all, watching sports and staying glued to ESPN, in my opinion has nothing to do with "being like you". There are so many more facets that make-up who and what my husband is. So, I just let that comment float into the air......
One thing is certain though.... I do think that there is more to life than being sports OBSESSED. I have no problem if you LIKE sports.....sitting around all day in yo draws, watching 3-4 games from sun-up to sundown is just stupid to me. That's all. But that is MY opinion.
Most of my girlfriends like at least ONE SPORT (usually either football or basketball). They admonish me and tell me that I "need to get into the sports with him". WTF?? I think not. He isn't getting into "gardening" with me! If I don't like it, I don't like it. Period. Watching sports is about as painful and irritating to me as a man being forced to watch "the life cycle of a dung beetle" mixed in with a little "crotcheting: you can learn it to" would be.
I do not bother him when he's watching it...I typically just let him watch. He has in turn, toned down how many games he watches. After all, we have a son, I'd like to spend time with him and I think it is selfish and sophomoric to think that you as a grown man should even WANT to spend 1/2 of the weekend posted up in front of the t.v.! My husband has compromised and I am glad of it because we are DEFINITELY at the two MOST EXTREME realms of the spectrum on the topic of sports. And I appreciate it.
But most men do NOT want to be bothered AT ALL when they are watching sports.O.K., dig this: What if we (women) said "you know what, every Saturday, I'm going to do what i wanna do, so.... don't ask me to cook, don't ask me to do yo laundry, don't ask me to feed or bathe the kids...just don't fuck with me at all". Yeah right! We as women would NEVER be allowed to get away with saying that we expect our signif. others or our husbands to not bother us when we arew doing something "we wanna do" for 12 hours on a weekend day or once every week, or anything like that. Maaaaan..... them niggas would have a shit-fit. So I sooooo don't wanna hear "the don't bother me when _____ is on". Nigga please. If I NEED to, I will. I will respect it, but if I NEED TO, I will. Women trying to make that kinda request would go over like a fucking fart in church! HMMPH!
I have learned as well as I can at the moment, to deal with this whole sports thing. Because I DO have a son, who will most LIKELY like SOME and/or participate in a sport (or 6 leave it to his daddy).
So, "are you ready for some football?!!" My answer is: as ready as I'm gonna be....
Because....after this sport ends.....another begins....and so on, and so on....and so on.......
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Hurricane Katrina
“My wife…I can’t find her body….she told me to take care of the kids and the grandkids”
In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, we can all see the devastation and the fury that mother nature unleashes when she’s at her bitchy-est best. Of all the stories I have heard so far the man who made the statement above stood out in my mind. His words, without slick verbose, without thought, only with heart, overwhelmed me. He was frantically speaking to the news anchorperson describing the last time he spoke to his wife before the raging floodwaters carried her away from him, possibly the last time he will ever see her. It was clear that he still had the desire and will to find her as he hurriedly told his tale, each word pulling and tugging at my soul as if there were an axe breaking down all of my senses. It was then that I broke down and cried. I cried for this man who can’t find his wife. I don’t know him, but I feel him. Innately. It is that human bond that connects us to everyone on this planet that made me feel this way. I can’t imagine the sheer panic and distress that the people of Louisiana and Mississippi are facing. There are no words to describe the feeling that burns through the core of your existence when you hear of a tragedy such as this.
From the fights, fires, police presence, no water, no electricity and most importantly NO PLACE TO LIVE and LOST FAMILY MEMBERS……. What would we do? The answer is: the best you can. The images are like that of a nuclear bomb having been dropped on an unsuspecting populous. Homes, businesses, schools and churches all gone. The incalculable, priceless memories that are the tapestry that form the whole of peoples lives. Gone. You see bridges demolished, nothing left but the steel beams sticking out of the water. You see cars that have floated together, left to fend for themselves in piles, one atop another. You see the tears and you feel the anguish and the desperation and the heartbreak.
These situations put EVERYONE in a “survival of the fittest” mode. There is no concern about what to make for dinner, what to get Johnny for his birthday, what time your wife is getting home…. Concerns are basic. Food. Water. Shelter. Making sure loved ones are accounted for.
The hospitals are overwhelmed and are trying to evacuate. The Astrodome in Houston will be full soon. People are scattering trying to hold onto anything that they consider valuable, their lives and the lives of loved ones. There are no toilets, no place to sleep. And in a minute, the dead will begin to tell their tale. The smell will begin to arrive. When I think of all of the devastation it overwhelms me. I do not have any family in the Louisiana/Mississippi area, but my mother lives just north of Miami, so I have had this type of concern before. Just last year, she was in harms way and it was all I could do to keep it together. For real. My Mom’s been there for 18 years and I wish everyday that she’d agree to move farther away from the “hurricane zone” preferably closer to me. But that has not come to pass. Personally I think she thinks “oh, Robyn, don’t’ worry…..it won’t reach ME” or maybe she thinks “I’ll be O.K.”. She’s always been a brave, spunky lil thing and I just pray that she never faces the wrath of a hurricane such as this. It’s simply surreal.
“my wife..I can’t find her body….she told me to take care of the kids and the grandkids….”
This will be burned into my memory for a long time to come.
Peace and Blessing to those in all the affected areas.
In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, we can all see the devastation and the fury that mother nature unleashes when she’s at her bitchy-est best. Of all the stories I have heard so far the man who made the statement above stood out in my mind. His words, without slick verbose, without thought, only with heart, overwhelmed me. He was frantically speaking to the news anchorperson describing the last time he spoke to his wife before the raging floodwaters carried her away from him, possibly the last time he will ever see her. It was clear that he still had the desire and will to find her as he hurriedly told his tale, each word pulling and tugging at my soul as if there were an axe breaking down all of my senses. It was then that I broke down and cried. I cried for this man who can’t find his wife. I don’t know him, but I feel him. Innately. It is that human bond that connects us to everyone on this planet that made me feel this way. I can’t imagine the sheer panic and distress that the people of Louisiana and Mississippi are facing. There are no words to describe the feeling that burns through the core of your existence when you hear of a tragedy such as this.
From the fights, fires, police presence, no water, no electricity and most importantly NO PLACE TO LIVE and LOST FAMILY MEMBERS……. What would we do? The answer is: the best you can. The images are like that of a nuclear bomb having been dropped on an unsuspecting populous. Homes, businesses, schools and churches all gone. The incalculable, priceless memories that are the tapestry that form the whole of peoples lives. Gone. You see bridges demolished, nothing left but the steel beams sticking out of the water. You see cars that have floated together, left to fend for themselves in piles, one atop another. You see the tears and you feel the anguish and the desperation and the heartbreak.
These situations put EVERYONE in a “survival of the fittest” mode. There is no concern about what to make for dinner, what to get Johnny for his birthday, what time your wife is getting home…. Concerns are basic. Food. Water. Shelter. Making sure loved ones are accounted for.
The hospitals are overwhelmed and are trying to evacuate. The Astrodome in Houston will be full soon. People are scattering trying to hold onto anything that they consider valuable, their lives and the lives of loved ones. There are no toilets, no place to sleep. And in a minute, the dead will begin to tell their tale. The smell will begin to arrive. When I think of all of the devastation it overwhelms me. I do not have any family in the Louisiana/Mississippi area, but my mother lives just north of Miami, so I have had this type of concern before. Just last year, she was in harms way and it was all I could do to keep it together. For real. My Mom’s been there for 18 years and I wish everyday that she’d agree to move farther away from the “hurricane zone” preferably closer to me. But that has not come to pass. Personally I think she thinks “oh, Robyn, don’t’ worry…..it won’t reach ME” or maybe she thinks “I’ll be O.K.”. She’s always been a brave, spunky lil thing and I just pray that she never faces the wrath of a hurricane such as this. It’s simply surreal.
“my wife..I can’t find her body….she told me to take care of the kids and the grandkids….”
This will be burned into my memory for a long time to come.
Peace and Blessing to those in all the affected areas.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Change
Change.
Why does that one little word cause fear and trepidation sometimes? Why are we as people often scared of change? It has happened to all of us at various points in our lives. Remember when you felt that little twinge of fear because you were going from middle school to high school filled you up all the way to your pinky finger? Or, when you were about to go to college or start a new job, or go on a blind date. It is the fear of the unknown that sometimes guides us and stifles us, when really and truly “when God closes one door, he opens a window”. We should embrace change because after all, it IS one of the ONLY things in life that is certain. Right??? Well, why in the HELL are we soooo scared of it then???
I was talking with my husband last night and he and I were talking about the possibility of us moving back to his home, Atlanta. The thought has been in the back of my mind as in “yeah, yeah….oh, o.k. that would be cool…..yeah, yeah..” But yesterday, due to some fluke of nature, it looks like he might actually be able to transfer to another location in Atlanta! He was talking to some of his superiors about the possibility of taking a job in Atlanta and he said that though they were surprised about the possibility of losing a valuable employee here, they seemed very positive and it seemed that it would a strong possibility for him to get this job in Atlanta. I mean, while he was in his boss’s office, his boss called the top person in Atlanta and he had an impromptu interview!Lawd, when I heard this my heart instantly filled with dread! Why you ask? Well….. it’s because of that fear I was just talking about. I have been wanting to make a change…in career, in my life in general, but just didn’t know how. Maybe this is the impetus that will spearhead something bigger and better! I guess it’s because of the “unknown” that I feel fearful. I do not know why I fear change so much….I think it was partially ingrained in me by my mother. She has always been the “responsible, settled” type of person. But hell, I guess since she was raising a child alone, she had to be if I were to have any semblance of a “normal” childhood. But I have always been that way….don’t wanna rock the boat….don’t wanna cause too much fuss…. but she always had a nouth….just like me.... It’s that mouth that get’s ya in trouble sometimes
But I think that it’s time to turn this life on it’s ear. It’s time. I’m 35 and I do think that it would be a great thing to make a change. I really want to branch out and make use of my skills in a new venue. It seems as though each and every time I start to think about change, I cringe. Well, no more!! I do believe that God puts us in places where we need to be…if we let him. And it might be time for me to get OUT of this city, the city I grwew up in, the city I call home and find a NEW city to love. This city is stagnant and I think that I have outgrown it. I need new scenery to create a new reality. So, in retrospect, if my husband does get this new job, I can get a new start in a new place and keep it movin onward and upward to a new and *improved * me.
Why does that one little word cause fear and trepidation sometimes? Why are we as people often scared of change? It has happened to all of us at various points in our lives. Remember when you felt that little twinge of fear because you were going from middle school to high school filled you up all the way to your pinky finger? Or, when you were about to go to college or start a new job, or go on a blind date. It is the fear of the unknown that sometimes guides us and stifles us, when really and truly “when God closes one door, he opens a window”. We should embrace change because after all, it IS one of the ONLY things in life that is certain. Right??? Well, why in the HELL are we soooo scared of it then???
I was talking with my husband last night and he and I were talking about the possibility of us moving back to his home, Atlanta. The thought has been in the back of my mind as in “yeah, yeah….oh, o.k. that would be cool…..yeah, yeah..” But yesterday, due to some fluke of nature, it looks like he might actually be able to transfer to another location in Atlanta! He was talking to some of his superiors about the possibility of taking a job in Atlanta and he said that though they were surprised about the possibility of losing a valuable employee here, they seemed very positive and it seemed that it would a strong possibility for him to get this job in Atlanta. I mean, while he was in his boss’s office, his boss called the top person in Atlanta and he had an impromptu interview!Lawd, when I heard this my heart instantly filled with dread! Why you ask? Well….. it’s because of that fear I was just talking about. I have been wanting to make a change…in career, in my life in general, but just didn’t know how. Maybe this is the impetus that will spearhead something bigger and better! I guess it’s because of the “unknown” that I feel fearful. I do not know why I fear change so much….I think it was partially ingrained in me by my mother. She has always been the “responsible, settled” type of person. But hell, I guess since she was raising a child alone, she had to be if I were to have any semblance of a “normal” childhood. But I have always been that way….don’t wanna rock the boat….don’t wanna cause too much fuss…. but she always had a nouth….just like me.... It’s that mouth that get’s ya in trouble sometimes
But I think that it’s time to turn this life on it’s ear. It’s time. I’m 35 and I do think that it would be a great thing to make a change. I really want to branch out and make use of my skills in a new venue. It seems as though each and every time I start to think about change, I cringe. Well, no more!! I do believe that God puts us in places where we need to be…if we let him. And it might be time for me to get OUT of this city, the city I grwew up in, the city I call home and find a NEW city to love. This city is stagnant and I think that I have outgrown it. I need new scenery to create a new reality. So, in retrospect, if my husband does get this new job, I can get a new start in a new place and keep it movin onward and upward to a new and *improved * me.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Biscuits, man hips, birthdays and money....
This is going to be a random post cuz, well… I’m feeling random today!
Can you tell me why men are always trying to get the biscuits (the ass, as it was) and why most women are o.k. just cuddling sometimes? Why are men on the proverbial hunt 24-7? I was talking to a friend of mine about his exploits and he was telling me how he was trying to “holla” at a whole SLEW of women, I suppose to “flood the market” and see what comes out in the wash type of thing. Women can be O.K. with getting to know you and then hitting it. But men….off RIP, they’re trying to RIP something off!!! Men and women really are from two different planets. Now don’t get me wrong, sex is a lovely thang. As I get older I guess that (if I were single) I would be so much more selective about who gets the “biscuits”. Not to say I was “out there” like THAT…..I don’t want X to have to question that status like in this post. (hee hee)
Why am am always besieged by folks who can’t drive??? I was on the freeway and this woman cuts me off (like she didn’t EVEN see me AND like she has an extra ASS AT HOME). And then she gives me a dirty look like I just suddenly sped up just to maek HER commute miserable. I just had to laugh before I was tempted to go off on a through-the-window tirade on her ass!! Women are the WORST drivers!!! Yes, I said it! Women.are.the.worst.drivers. I swear if you did a study on the percentage of accidents caused by women, I bet at least HALF would be by women!! The other half would be comprised of middle-aged balding grey-haired men with sports cars and teenage boys. (hmmm…..maybe I’ll look that up somewhere.)
I was in the kitchen area at my job today and this man walks by with “woman hips”. You know the type….they’re usually overweight and unlucky enough to have a tendency to store fat on their hips JUST like women do. They do not look gay or anything, they just look ….well…… like a woman! It’s unfortunate AND disgusting to me! This guy was about 5’ 6”, looked to be about 260 pds. and thanks to them hips, was a waddlin’ ass. I just watched as the tight Polly & Ester screamed for relief! ( He also had a slight knock-knee syndrome going on too ya’ll). But as I said to my co-worker, “it’s better that those pants were slightly tight than too loose cuz he’d really look like a sloppy bubblin mess!” I feel so sorry for those men with hips…..
My birthday is Saturday…… *yawn*…. I am soooo unexcited about it. I will be 35. And I now need to get on the stick (pun intended) if I wanna have another kid. I need to do it before my ovaries dry up and blow away….for real.(hee hee) I just don’t feel like celebrating and I think it’s because I’m broke as a damn joke. Shame, huh? Well, we‘ve had a number of things that have “popped up” recently and have just drained ANY resources we have. Then my husband goes on this “we should be saving more…..see….if we were saving…..” ya, ya , ya…. I know, I know. I am an admittedly HORRIBLE saver. It’s not that I think I’m gonna live forever, and subsequently have all the time in the world to save. I just believe in living very comfortably (as comfortable as I would like to). And I don’t mean keeping up with the Joneses. I feel like I don’t wanna look around when I’m 55 and have never driven a REALLY NICE (within reason) vehicle or have a nice armoir. Does that maek me too materialistic? I don't think so. I just don't wanna look like everything I have will fall apart if the wind blows. I can't help it. My mother always believed in having QUALITY surroundings. It didn't have to be the most expensive, as long as it was quality. And personally, I work TOO hard and deal with TOO much shit at work, NOT to have some things that I like. But on the flip side, I do (mentally at least) KNOW that you must save, etc. to have a comfortable retirement because when I can no longer work, I NEED to have something put aside and invested/saved. Til now….. I have been very lax on it.
I read something the other day on MSN.COM that said that if a kid aged 16 saves $2000 per summer for four summers, puts each of those $2000's in a Roth IRA, he/she will be a millionaire by the time they retire. WTF???? Why didn’t MY mom know about this shit???? I coulda been on my way a loooong time ago to having a fat ass retirement. And if you notice, that’s not even COUNTING any other money the child will save once he/she gets into the working world!!! Damn!! And this is why I have started a 529 plan for my son and why I have started to save for him. He’s 1. Hopefully by the time he’s 55, he can help his kids and do WAY more than my mother was able to do for me. And I do NOT fault my Mom, because information regarding saving/investing was NOT as easily accessed or as commonly just “floating” around like it is. You needed to be aware of someone who knew and we as black people, many times just didn’t know. So, I plan on providing a better life for my son and my family and will continue to persevere on my saving quest.
Have a great weekend ya'll!
In a minute...
Can you tell me why men are always trying to get the biscuits (the ass, as it was) and why most women are o.k. just cuddling sometimes? Why are men on the proverbial hunt 24-7? I was talking to a friend of mine about his exploits and he was telling me how he was trying to “holla” at a whole SLEW of women, I suppose to “flood the market” and see what comes out in the wash type of thing. Women can be O.K. with getting to know you and then hitting it. But men….off RIP, they’re trying to RIP something off!!! Men and women really are from two different planets. Now don’t get me wrong, sex is a lovely thang. As I get older I guess that (if I were single) I would be so much more selective about who gets the “biscuits”. Not to say I was “out there” like THAT…..I don’t want X to have to question that status like in this post. (hee hee)
Why am am always besieged by folks who can’t drive??? I was on the freeway and this woman cuts me off (like she didn’t EVEN see me AND like she has an extra ASS AT HOME). And then she gives me a dirty look like I just suddenly sped up just to maek HER commute miserable. I just had to laugh before I was tempted to go off on a through-the-window tirade on her ass!! Women are the WORST drivers!!! Yes, I said it! Women.are.the.worst.drivers. I swear if you did a study on the percentage of accidents caused by women, I bet at least HALF would be by women!! The other half would be comprised of middle-aged balding grey-haired men with sports cars and teenage boys. (hmmm…..maybe I’ll look that up somewhere.)
I was in the kitchen area at my job today and this man walks by with “woman hips”. You know the type….they’re usually overweight and unlucky enough to have a tendency to store fat on their hips JUST like women do. They do not look gay or anything, they just look ….well…… like a woman! It’s unfortunate AND disgusting to me! This guy was about 5’ 6”, looked to be about 260 pds. and thanks to them hips, was a waddlin’ ass. I just watched as the tight Polly & Ester screamed for relief! ( He also had a slight knock-knee syndrome going on too ya’ll). But as I said to my co-worker, “it’s better that those pants were slightly tight than too loose cuz he’d really look like a sloppy bubblin mess!” I feel so sorry for those men with hips…..
My birthday is Saturday…… *yawn*…. I am soooo unexcited about it. I will be 35. And I now need to get on the stick (pun intended) if I wanna have another kid. I need to do it before my ovaries dry up and blow away….for real.(hee hee) I just don’t feel like celebrating and I think it’s because I’m broke as a damn joke. Shame, huh? Well, we‘ve had a number of things that have “popped up” recently and have just drained ANY resources we have. Then my husband goes on this “we should be saving more…..see….if we were saving…..” ya, ya , ya…. I know, I know. I am an admittedly HORRIBLE saver. It’s not that I think I’m gonna live forever, and subsequently have all the time in the world to save. I just believe in living very comfortably (as comfortable as I would like to). And I don’t mean keeping up with the Joneses. I feel like I don’t wanna look around when I’m 55 and have never driven a REALLY NICE (within reason) vehicle or have a nice armoir. Does that maek me too materialistic? I don't think so. I just don't wanna look like everything I have will fall apart if the wind blows. I can't help it. My mother always believed in having QUALITY surroundings. It didn't have to be the most expensive, as long as it was quality. And personally, I work TOO hard and deal with TOO much shit at work, NOT to have some things that I like. But on the flip side, I do (mentally at least) KNOW that you must save, etc. to have a comfortable retirement because when I can no longer work, I NEED to have something put aside and invested/saved. Til now….. I have been very lax on it.
I read something the other day on MSN.COM that said that if a kid aged 16 saves $2000 per summer for four summers, puts each of those $2000's in a Roth IRA, he/she will be a millionaire by the time they retire. WTF???? Why didn’t MY mom know about this shit???? I coulda been on my way a loooong time ago to having a fat ass retirement. And if you notice, that’s not even COUNTING any other money the child will save once he/she gets into the working world!!! Damn!! And this is why I have started a 529 plan for my son and why I have started to save for him. He’s 1. Hopefully by the time he’s 55, he can help his kids and do WAY more than my mother was able to do for me. And I do NOT fault my Mom, because information regarding saving/investing was NOT as easily accessed or as commonly just “floating” around like it is. You needed to be aware of someone who knew and we as black people, many times just didn’t know. So, I plan on providing a better life for my son and my family and will continue to persevere on my saving quest.
Have a great weekend ya'll!
In a minute...
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Daddy's Little Girl...
This is something that I've often mused and therefore, what follows is an INCREDIBLY LONG post. Sorry in advance :)
Girls and their Daddy’s. I can remember, or rather, as LONG as I can remember, I did NOT have a “good relationship” with my father. I also wonder if this is what has caused me (as all of the reknowned psychologists have said) the issues that I’ve had in my adult relationships with guys. I cannot remember living with my father (as my mother and father were divorced when I was 3 and obviously before my conscious stream of memory can recall). My father was also an alcoholic. It took me years to speak those words. I often wondered why I could barely even think those words and could not bear to speak those words. I realized it was because father’s were not supposed to be alcoholics, fathers’ were not supposed to smell of E&J and father’s were supposed to be there. Period. I took those feelings that I kept close to my heart and internally locked them away. Sometimes I would act as if I didn’t have a father, making up stories or telling lies when people asked me what he did for a living.
My father was a General laborer with an 9th grade education who worked---get this---- for the State Liquor Commission. His day consisted of lifting. He lifted heavy boxes all day long. None were heavier than the feeling he put on my heart by not coming to visit or not calling or just not allowing me to ever say that I’m a “daddy’s girl”. He resented my mother because she went to college and would often tell me when I got old enough to understand him about the time when “your mother told everyone that I was a high school drop out….. she dogged me to everyone, including the people she worked with…they thought I wasn’t shit”. ANYONE who knows my mother KNOWS that you can’t even IMAGINE her saying anything as venomous and as mean as that. Especially seeing as though, she was still married to him when he claims this statement was made. The truth was, he thought he wasn’t shit. He was never taught how to love, so he never knew how to give it and didn’t love himself. But there were moments when he tried. He tried. There were “moments” where he was funny and was the Dad that I wished I had, but these moments were too spread apart and too fleeting. I didn’t understand all this until right before his death in 1994. He died of stomach cancer and I do think that the cancer was somehow partially caused by his daily imbibing of alcohol. I was 24.
I’ve often wondered what it would’ve been like to be a Daddy’s girl, to go to Daddy-n-me dances, to have my Daddy come a pick me up and swing me around and call me his angel, for me to be able to depend on my daddy –even if I couldn’t depend on NO ONE ELSE, daddy would be there. I wonder what it would feel like to have a snowball fight on a snowy day with my Dad and have him come in and make me a steaming cup of hot chocolate while we got warm from being outside. I wonder what it would be like to go to an amusement park with my Dad and laugh the day away and have cotton-candy sticky fingers, full hot dog bellies and fruit punch stained mouths. I wonder what it would be like to be proud to introduce my Daddy to a guy I was interested in and not wonder if that guy would see (inevitably) him drunk one day. I wonder what it would feel like to be close and be able to tell my dad secrets and feel protected in his love, as if I had an invincible shield protecting my heart that said “daddy” on it. I wonder.
When I was little, my mother and father supposedly had joint custody. Meaning,I was supposed to live with him for the summer months. This never happened. I believe that my mother, who would NEVER speak badly about him, to me at least, always felt my sadness and felt my pain. She never made me go, and he never fought to have me stay with him during the summer. I think it messed with his “bachelor life” too much. Though when I did visit, he did show me enough respect to NEVER have women around me or in our house and I do appreciate that. My mom saw the hurt in my eyes when my father would come to pick me up, drunk, and how much I didn’t want to go with him at those times. I didn’t understand the slurring of his words or the fumbling or the staggering appearance that he had and it frightened me. So, if he came looking like that, I begged her not to have to go.
He hardly ever made the time for me when I was a child and one of my most vivid recollections of him was when I was 4 years old and he was coming to get me. I was sooo excited that daddy was coming. I asked my Mom to do my hair in pigtails and to put on a dress. It was raining outside, so I got all dressed, coat and all, and waited by the window, hoping to hear the buzzer to our apartment. I waited. And waited. And cried, but I still waited. I watched the rain stream down the window panes echoing the tears streaming down my face. He never came that day or called. I don’t remember the next day or successive days or if he ever saw me until the “next” outing. All I remember is that day, I felt abandoned. My mother took my hand and took my coat off and we went into the dining room and had dinner. It was 8:00 and I’d been waiting insistently, at that window, since 4:00 because “if I just wait long enough, Daddy will come….he’s coming Mom, he’s coming”. I think she probably wanted to KILL my father for making me so sad, but she never let me know. She just tended to my wounded heart.
My mother was and is the best mother. Though I felt she was waaay too strict as I was her only child and I just KNEW she had a life in the nunnery planned for me, she was very loving and gentle. Whenever I got hurt, being that she was a nurse, she would attend to me with the cautious, calm rapidity seen in ER rooms. And because of that, whenever I got hurt when I was playing outside, it wasn’t until I SAW my mother’s face that I would break down. I used to HATE crying in front of ANYONE except my mother. Still do. But nothing she did could take away the pain that my father’s absence left on my heart.
Even as I grew older and came to live with him because my mother moved to Florida at the beginning of my senior year in H.S., I was resistant to being around him. I was living with him for a consistent year prior to going to college and I can say that in that year, a lot of growing occurred. I was pretty much on his own. My father provided a roof and food and small contributions of money here and there. My mother sent me money to my bank account every month which sustained the majority of my needs. By this time my father was “on disability” due to a worker’s comp back injury that he had sustained 5-6 years prior. So, all he did was collect a check and hang with his other drinking friends. He said I was secretive and I said nothing. I tried to be out of the house as often as possible and because my father was one to come home and drunkenly take over ANY conversation while I had company (no literally, he’d sit there and NOT LEAVE….for an hour if he wanted to…..and I DARED not ask him to leave. I did that one time with disastrous consequences. He proceeded to say, in front of my male company “what? Can I leave?!! This is my muthafuckin house!!! You don’t tell me to leave……” I was so embarrassed. All I could do is grin and bear it. So, I was ALWAYS trying to be OUT of the house.
Needless to say, I do think that because I have never seen a truly good father/daughter relationship, that I was more unsure of myself, and lacked in self-esteem growing up. Those are things that I feel girls get from their fathers in a different way than girls get that from their mother. Father’s give girls a feeling of security, and a feeling of completeness. Meaning, a man can only give you a man’s perspective on day-to-day trials and on life in general. My mother can only give me a woman’s perspective, and you need both to complete the circle. I have learned a lot from my male friends and counterparts and have completed that circle for the most part, as best I could. If I have a daughter I know that she will not have the type of father I had. She’ll have those daddy-n-me dinners, she’ll go to a museum or to a Opera with her dad, and she’ll learn to be treated like a lady by her dad.
My father taught me a lot and I have had to do much soul searching to come to grips with what was and what wasn’t in regards to our relationship, but one thing I do know is: I am my father’s daughter and I love him still… faults and all, there is some of him in my mannerisms, and occasionally in my attitude. But what can you do with the hand you’ve been dealt, but keep playing.
So, what do you think? Give me your opinions on how you think the absence of a father in a daughter’s life affects her and her subsequent relationships with men. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Girls and their Daddy’s. I can remember, or rather, as LONG as I can remember, I did NOT have a “good relationship” with my father. I also wonder if this is what has caused me (as all of the reknowned psychologists have said) the issues that I’ve had in my adult relationships with guys. I cannot remember living with my father (as my mother and father were divorced when I was 3 and obviously before my conscious stream of memory can recall). My father was also an alcoholic. It took me years to speak those words. I often wondered why I could barely even think those words and could not bear to speak those words. I realized it was because father’s were not supposed to be alcoholics, fathers’ were not supposed to smell of E&J and father’s were supposed to be there. Period. I took those feelings that I kept close to my heart and internally locked them away. Sometimes I would act as if I didn’t have a father, making up stories or telling lies when people asked me what he did for a living.
My father was a General laborer with an 9th grade education who worked---get this---- for the State Liquor Commission. His day consisted of lifting. He lifted heavy boxes all day long. None were heavier than the feeling he put on my heart by not coming to visit or not calling or just not allowing me to ever say that I’m a “daddy’s girl”. He resented my mother because she went to college and would often tell me when I got old enough to understand him about the time when “your mother told everyone that I was a high school drop out….. she dogged me to everyone, including the people she worked with…they thought I wasn’t shit”. ANYONE who knows my mother KNOWS that you can’t even IMAGINE her saying anything as venomous and as mean as that. Especially seeing as though, she was still married to him when he claims this statement was made. The truth was, he thought he wasn’t shit. He was never taught how to love, so he never knew how to give it and didn’t love himself. But there were moments when he tried. He tried. There were “moments” where he was funny and was the Dad that I wished I had, but these moments were too spread apart and too fleeting. I didn’t understand all this until right before his death in 1994. He died of stomach cancer and I do think that the cancer was somehow partially caused by his daily imbibing of alcohol. I was 24.
I’ve often wondered what it would’ve been like to be a Daddy’s girl, to go to Daddy-n-me dances, to have my Daddy come a pick me up and swing me around and call me his angel, for me to be able to depend on my daddy –even if I couldn’t depend on NO ONE ELSE, daddy would be there. I wonder what it would feel like to have a snowball fight on a snowy day with my Dad and have him come in and make me a steaming cup of hot chocolate while we got warm from being outside. I wonder what it would be like to go to an amusement park with my Dad and laugh the day away and have cotton-candy sticky fingers, full hot dog bellies and fruit punch stained mouths. I wonder what it would be like to be proud to introduce my Daddy to a guy I was interested in and not wonder if that guy would see (inevitably) him drunk one day. I wonder what it would feel like to be close and be able to tell my dad secrets and feel protected in his love, as if I had an invincible shield protecting my heart that said “daddy” on it. I wonder.
When I was little, my mother and father supposedly had joint custody. Meaning,I was supposed to live with him for the summer months. This never happened. I believe that my mother, who would NEVER speak badly about him, to me at least, always felt my sadness and felt my pain. She never made me go, and he never fought to have me stay with him during the summer. I think it messed with his “bachelor life” too much. Though when I did visit, he did show me enough respect to NEVER have women around me or in our house and I do appreciate that. My mom saw the hurt in my eyes when my father would come to pick me up, drunk, and how much I didn’t want to go with him at those times. I didn’t understand the slurring of his words or the fumbling or the staggering appearance that he had and it frightened me. So, if he came looking like that, I begged her not to have to go.
He hardly ever made the time for me when I was a child and one of my most vivid recollections of him was when I was 4 years old and he was coming to get me. I was sooo excited that daddy was coming. I asked my Mom to do my hair in pigtails and to put on a dress. It was raining outside, so I got all dressed, coat and all, and waited by the window, hoping to hear the buzzer to our apartment. I waited. And waited. And cried, but I still waited. I watched the rain stream down the window panes echoing the tears streaming down my face. He never came that day or called. I don’t remember the next day or successive days or if he ever saw me until the “next” outing. All I remember is that day, I felt abandoned. My mother took my hand and took my coat off and we went into the dining room and had dinner. It was 8:00 and I’d been waiting insistently, at that window, since 4:00 because “if I just wait long enough, Daddy will come….he’s coming Mom, he’s coming”. I think she probably wanted to KILL my father for making me so sad, but she never let me know. She just tended to my wounded heart.
My mother was and is the best mother. Though I felt she was waaay too strict as I was her only child and I just KNEW she had a life in the nunnery planned for me, she was very loving and gentle. Whenever I got hurt, being that she was a nurse, she would attend to me with the cautious, calm rapidity seen in ER rooms. And because of that, whenever I got hurt when I was playing outside, it wasn’t until I SAW my mother’s face that I would break down. I used to HATE crying in front of ANYONE except my mother. Still do. But nothing she did could take away the pain that my father’s absence left on my heart.
Even as I grew older and came to live with him because my mother moved to Florida at the beginning of my senior year in H.S., I was resistant to being around him. I was living with him for a consistent year prior to going to college and I can say that in that year, a lot of growing occurred. I was pretty much on his own. My father provided a roof and food and small contributions of money here and there. My mother sent me money to my bank account every month which sustained the majority of my needs. By this time my father was “on disability” due to a worker’s comp back injury that he had sustained 5-6 years prior. So, all he did was collect a check and hang with his other drinking friends. He said I was secretive and I said nothing. I tried to be out of the house as often as possible and because my father was one to come home and drunkenly take over ANY conversation while I had company (no literally, he’d sit there and NOT LEAVE….for an hour if he wanted to…..and I DARED not ask him to leave. I did that one time with disastrous consequences. He proceeded to say, in front of my male company “what? Can I leave?!! This is my muthafuckin house!!! You don’t tell me to leave……” I was so embarrassed. All I could do is grin and bear it. So, I was ALWAYS trying to be OUT of the house.
Needless to say, I do think that because I have never seen a truly good father/daughter relationship, that I was more unsure of myself, and lacked in self-esteem growing up. Those are things that I feel girls get from their fathers in a different way than girls get that from their mother. Father’s give girls a feeling of security, and a feeling of completeness. Meaning, a man can only give you a man’s perspective on day-to-day trials and on life in general. My mother can only give me a woman’s perspective, and you need both to complete the circle. I have learned a lot from my male friends and counterparts and have completed that circle for the most part, as best I could. If I have a daughter I know that she will not have the type of father I had. She’ll have those daddy-n-me dinners, she’ll go to a museum or to a Opera with her dad, and she’ll learn to be treated like a lady by her dad.
My father taught me a lot and I have had to do much soul searching to come to grips with what was and what wasn’t in regards to our relationship, but one thing I do know is: I am my father’s daughter and I love him still… faults and all, there is some of him in my mannerisms, and occasionally in my attitude. But what can you do with the hand you’ve been dealt, but keep playing.
So, what do you think? Give me your opinions on how you think the absence of a father in a daughter’s life affects her and her subsequent relationships with men. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Friday, August 12, 2005
The Five's That Make my Heartbeat
Ten years ago: 1995. I was juuuust BEGINNING to get over a deep depression caused by the break-up between me & my first love, Dave. It was the summer and I was just starting to feel “worthy of living” again. It was then that I vowed to NEVER let a man “steal my thunder, rob me of MY self-esteem or make me feel like I LITERALLY couldn’t live without him. My break up with my ex was necessary. By that I mean, I see that God put me where I was supposed to be and it was NOT with him. HE broke up with me and after I wrapped my mind around the fact that this was God's will and that it was NOT the end of the world, I began to heal. I was learning to love myself and my independence. This was also the resurgence of my Playa-Playa mode.....
Five years ago: I was about to turn 30 and was in a relationship with a wonderful, albeit “emotionally unavailable” type of man, whom was truly my best friend at the time, but I was beginning to realize that we couldn’t be together. I was also trying to get another job and figure out if I wanted to stay in the whole HR arena.
One year ago: I had a *brand-spanking new* still had the new car smell, 2 month old baby and had just gotten married 4 months prior to that. I was still on medical leave (yea!!!) and was just getting over a bit of postpartum depression and beginning to really enjoy my little stinker.
Yesterday: I went to work, picked up my son and went home. I gave the baby a bath, fed him and put him to sleep. Then my husband out some steaks & chicken on the grill and I feasted and fell out!!!
Today: Honestly? I haven’t done ANY work today….just been having an e-z-blogging kinda day. My boss or Odie(the other ass I work with) isn’t here, nor is my girl that I work with, so it’s quiet in my area. I’m gonna get my nails done after work, as I do every other Friday and take it on in.
Tomorrow: I’m going to go shopping for a new iron and for a dang carpet steam cleaner. We just moved into this brand-spanking new house last Nov. and I swear there are more spots on the dang carpet than on the moon!
5 snacks I enjoy: Baskin & Robbins Chocolate Chip, apple pie, key lime pie (as long as it’s the consistency of cheesecake and not like pudding), chips and movie popcorn
5 bands that I know the lyrics to most of their songs: Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band (holla at’cha gurl if ya feel me on this one!), Tribe Called Quest baby!, De La Soul, (some of ) Earth, Wind & Fire and Heavy D & The Boyz (heh heh, I’m takin ya back!)
5 things I would do with $100,000,000: Buy my Mom, my mother-in-law, brother & sister and brother-in-law a house. DEFINITELY take at least ½ and place it in a fund a live off the interest. Give my “circle of trust” friends a NICE Christmas gift, put 20 mil in a trust fund for my baby, QUIT MY GATDAMN JOB, and ……. Chill.
5 locations I’d like to runaway to:
Anyplace Carribean, Australia, my Mom’s house, France and Me-hee-co (Mexico)
5 bad habits I have: Cursing like I’ve lost alllll laldylike qualities (i.e. like a sailor), walking around the house with just a t-shirt and underwear on, not answering the phone when I don’t wanna be bothered, getting frustrated easily and SEVERE ROAD RAGE.
5 things I like doing: SHOPPING!!!!!, playing with my son, going to the movies, traveling, and did I mention shopping?
5 things I would never wear: a tube top, a tacky watch, anything cheaply made (because you end up looking just that…cheap) , hats that are big with flowers, and feathers and sequins, etc. on them, black nailpolish
5 TV shows I like: Extreme Home Makeover, Extreme Makeover, House, Being Bobby Brown (as stupid as it is…I MUST tune in to see their latest antics!) and the Dave Chappelle Show.
5 movies I like: Lord of the Rings (all…I’m counting this as one), Harry Potter (all ot them too…I’m counting this as one), The Color Purple, Imitation of Life, Pulp Fiction and Trading Places
5 famous people I’d like to meet: Oprah, Bill Clinton, The Rock, Maxwell and Samuel L. Jackson
5 biggest joys at the moment: My son, music, being at home with my husband, sleeping and shopping (heh heh)
5 favorite toys: Raggedy Ann, Barbie, Connect Four, Life and my bike
Five years ago: I was about to turn 30 and was in a relationship with a wonderful, albeit “emotionally unavailable” type of man, whom was truly my best friend at the time, but I was beginning to realize that we couldn’t be together. I was also trying to get another job and figure out if I wanted to stay in the whole HR arena.
One year ago: I had a *brand-spanking new* still had the new car smell, 2 month old baby and had just gotten married 4 months prior to that. I was still on medical leave (yea!!!) and was just getting over a bit of postpartum depression and beginning to really enjoy my little stinker.
Yesterday: I went to work, picked up my son and went home. I gave the baby a bath, fed him and put him to sleep. Then my husband out some steaks & chicken on the grill and I feasted and fell out!!!
Today: Honestly? I haven’t done ANY work today….just been having an e-z-blogging kinda day. My boss or Odie(the other ass I work with) isn’t here, nor is my girl that I work with, so it’s quiet in my area. I’m gonna get my nails done after work, as I do every other Friday and take it on in.
Tomorrow: I’m going to go shopping for a new iron and for a dang carpet steam cleaner. We just moved into this brand-spanking new house last Nov. and I swear there are more spots on the dang carpet than on the moon!
5 snacks I enjoy: Baskin & Robbins Chocolate Chip, apple pie, key lime pie (as long as it’s the consistency of cheesecake and not like pudding), chips and movie popcorn
5 bands that I know the lyrics to most of their songs: Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band (holla at’cha gurl if ya feel me on this one!), Tribe Called Quest baby!, De La Soul, (some of ) Earth, Wind & Fire and Heavy D & The Boyz (heh heh, I’m takin ya back!)
5 things I would do with $100,000,000: Buy my Mom, my mother-in-law, brother & sister and brother-in-law a house. DEFINITELY take at least ½ and place it in a fund a live off the interest. Give my “circle of trust” friends a NICE Christmas gift, put 20 mil in a trust fund for my baby, QUIT MY GATDAMN JOB, and ……. Chill.
5 locations I’d like to runaway to:
Anyplace Carribean, Australia, my Mom’s house, France and Me-hee-co (Mexico)
5 bad habits I have: Cursing like I’ve lost alllll laldylike qualities (i.e. like a sailor), walking around the house with just a t-shirt and underwear on, not answering the phone when I don’t wanna be bothered, getting frustrated easily and SEVERE ROAD RAGE.
5 things I like doing: SHOPPING!!!!!, playing with my son, going to the movies, traveling, and did I mention shopping?
5 things I would never wear: a tube top, a tacky watch, anything cheaply made (because you end up looking just that…cheap) , hats that are big with flowers, and feathers and sequins, etc. on them, black nailpolish
5 TV shows I like: Extreme Home Makeover, Extreme Makeover, House, Being Bobby Brown (as stupid as it is…I MUST tune in to see their latest antics!) and the Dave Chappelle Show.
5 movies I like: Lord of the Rings (all…I’m counting this as one), Harry Potter (all ot them too…I’m counting this as one), The Color Purple, Imitation of Life, Pulp Fiction and Trading Places
5 famous people I’d like to meet: Oprah, Bill Clinton, The Rock, Maxwell and Samuel L. Jackson
5 biggest joys at the moment: My son, music, being at home with my husband, sleeping and shopping (heh heh)
5 favorite toys: Raggedy Ann, Barbie, Connect Four, Life and my bike
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Uninvited Pest.....uh...I mean Guests
I got the idea for this post from NJ Diva Girl. She was talking about this guy that came to her home unannounced and that she could not have that.
I am soooooo in agreement with her! I hate, and I repeat, I HAAAAAATE it when friends, family, and ESPECIALLY when solicitors come by unannounced (I know, I know....it's not like the solicitors can call ahead, but STILL! LOL) !!! It is a seeeeeriousper peeve of mine.
It is simply rude and inconsiderate to do a "drive by" on someone, especially when that someone is ME!!! Anyone that knows me knows that when I am out I am typically the jovial, convivial life of the party! I am usually the bubbly fun, talkative one. There is a reason for this: I have this time ans place set aside FOR THAT.
If you stop by, unannounced, I may be in my draws, washing the tub, with a headscarf on with the baby running around like a wild banshee! I at that time do-FUCKING-NOT feel like a. geting dressed b. taking off my headscarf, c. or having company that I have to entertain ( via conversation or otherwise)! See, if I am prepared for youand in the mood, you will have a quite enjoyable time at my humble abode. However, if you are foolish (see: stupid as FUCK) enough to come unannounced, you WILL get the OTHER side of Robyn.....Esmeralda, the bitch. And you do NOT want to meet that hoe.
I do not like having company unannounced because like most women, if I am not "looking right" who wants to be on display???? And since I have a 13-month old, my house is in perpetual Toy/shit everywhere HELL!! I need time to clean up and make shit presentable so that I can at least FAKE you out and make being a divalicious, full time-working Mommy of a 13 month old look "effortless"! :-) No but for real, I do need people to see that we are NOT pigs and if you catch that house at juuuuuuust the RIGHT TIME......babeeeeee..... you might not evuh want to come back! Doing all this shit is hard work!! WHEW! I'm tired just talking about it!!!
Now, I have not intimated with this amount of specificity and detail how vehemently opposed to "drive-by's" I am. But one would think that I shouldn't have to and that muthafuckas' had been raised right. Uh-uh.....not the case.
Lemme tell you what happened a few months ago. Two of my girlfriends called me. I didn't answer. Why? Because I didn't want to be fucking bothered. No malice in that....just didn't want to talk or be bothered. They then called my cell phone. (they do this quite often, which I've never understood, because if I don't answer one....guess what.....no take a stab at it.....THAT'S RIGHT!! MY BLACK ASS AIN'T ANSWERIN THE OTHA ONE!)My friends also know that I am faaaaaaaaaaaaamous for not answering the phone and then calling back later. My theory with respect to that is this: I have alot of SHIT going on and if I'm just chilling,and do NOT want to talk then if I answer the phone, I WILL be funky and short and why even have a conversation like that cause the person on the other end will INEVITABLY say either to themselves or friend’s “What in the HELL is wrong with her??” Well, there’s nothing wrong with me other than I’m having a conversation that I don’t wanna have at the moment. Now, you see why it is best if I do NOT answer the phone if I am not up to it?????
Anywho...back to the lecture at hand....so they called BOTH numbers (and of course it was my one friend who I have to be in the mood to talk to anyway, who's number they were calling from) and I didn't answer. DOOOOOOOOONNN'T you know THEY THEN CAME OVER TO MY FUCKING HOUSE????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My husband went to the door cause we suuuuuure were not expecting anyone and in my wildest-retarded dreams did NOT think it would've been her! He comes upstairs and says "It's J & K". I had already heard their voices from upstairs because as previously detailed I was....in my draws, with a t shirt on, head scarf on, NOT presentable AT FUCKING ALL!!!!!! DAMMIT! I got'ta cuss yo mu'fucking ass out now!
So as I am angrily pulling on some sweatpants upstairs I'm saying to my husband "Oh, these bitches are about to hear a gatdamn EAR-FUL today....how DAAAARE they come over after I DIDN'T answer the phone! " He's like "Robyn.....be nice...." I'm like "Oh HEELLLLLLLLLS naw! Nice is what you get when you act like you have some HOME TRAINING....oh, so they wwere just gon' MAKE me see their ass, huh....Well, they bought the ticket and they gon get the show!" (yeah I was mad as hell....bout to pop a blood vessel and everything!)
So, I go down there and as RUDELY as I could say "Hi.... uh....what are you all doing here unanounced???? *looking shitty as HELL like 'what the FUCK were you thinking?'* You don't just IMPOSE yourself on someone's safe-haven!!!
They were like "Oh.... *with a shocked and confused look*...wellll.....we called" And I said “yes I KNOW you called, and I didn’t answer so why are you here? * insert shitty smile again
At this point, I was looking at them both like "SHUT THE FUCK UP, you're here so sit'cho asses down already DAMN!"
So, the moral of the story---albeit clear I believe----is that if you are ever in my neck of the woods, please come check a sista out…..just call befo’ you come
I am soooooo in agreement with her! I hate, and I repeat, I HAAAAAATE it when friends, family, and ESPECIALLY when solicitors come by unannounced (I know, I know....it's not like the solicitors can call ahead, but STILL! LOL) !!! It is a seeeeeriousper peeve of mine.
It is simply rude and inconsiderate to do a "drive by" on someone, especially when that someone is ME!!! Anyone that knows me knows that when I am out I am typically the jovial, convivial life of the party! I am usually the bubbly fun, talkative one. There is a reason for this: I have this time ans place set aside FOR THAT.
If you stop by, unannounced, I may be in my draws, washing the tub, with a headscarf on with the baby running around like a wild banshee! I at that time do-FUCKING-NOT feel like a. geting dressed b. taking off my headscarf, c. or having company that I have to entertain ( via conversation or otherwise)! See, if I am prepared for youand in the mood, you will have a quite enjoyable time at my humble abode. However, if you are foolish (see: stupid as FUCK) enough to come unannounced, you WILL get the OTHER side of Robyn.....Esmeralda, the bitch. And you do NOT want to meet that hoe.
I do not like having company unannounced because like most women, if I am not "looking right" who wants to be on display???? And since I have a 13-month old, my house is in perpetual Toy/shit everywhere HELL!! I need time to clean up and make shit presentable so that I can at least FAKE you out and make being a divalicious, full time-working Mommy of a 13 month old look "effortless"! :-) No but for real, I do need people to see that we are NOT pigs and if you catch that house at juuuuuuust the RIGHT TIME......babeeeeee..... you might not evuh want to come back! Doing all this shit is hard work!! WHEW! I'm tired just talking about it!!!
Now, I have not intimated with this amount of specificity and detail how vehemently opposed to "drive-by's" I am. But one would think that I shouldn't have to and that muthafuckas' had been raised right. Uh-uh.....not the case.
Lemme tell you what happened a few months ago. Two of my girlfriends called me. I didn't answer. Why? Because I didn't want to be fucking bothered. No malice in that....just didn't want to talk or be bothered. They then called my cell phone. (they do this quite often, which I've never understood, because if I don't answer one....guess what.....no take a stab at it.....THAT'S RIGHT!! MY BLACK ASS AIN'T ANSWERIN THE OTHA ONE!)My friends also know that I am faaaaaaaaaaaaamous for not answering the phone and then calling back later. My theory with respect to that is this: I have alot of SHIT going on and if I'm just chilling,and do NOT want to talk then if I answer the phone, I WILL be funky and short and why even have a conversation like that cause the person on the other end will INEVITABLY say either to themselves or friend’s “What in the HELL is wrong with her??” Well, there’s nothing wrong with me other than I’m having a conversation that I don’t wanna have at the moment. Now, you see why it is best if I do NOT answer the phone if I am not up to it?????
Anywho...back to the lecture at hand....so they called BOTH numbers (and of course it was my one friend who I have to be in the mood to talk to anyway, who's number they were calling from) and I didn't answer. DOOOOOOOOONNN'T you know THEY THEN CAME OVER TO MY FUCKING HOUSE????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My husband went to the door cause we suuuuuure were not expecting anyone and in my wildest-retarded dreams did NOT think it would've been her! He comes upstairs and says "It's J & K". I had already heard their voices from upstairs because as previously detailed I was....in my draws, with a t shirt on, head scarf on, NOT presentable AT FUCKING ALL!!!!!! DAMMIT! I got'ta cuss yo mu'fucking ass out now!
So as I am angrily pulling on some sweatpants upstairs I'm saying to my husband "Oh, these bitches are about to hear a gatdamn EAR-FUL today....how DAAAARE they come over after I DIDN'T answer the phone! " He's like "Robyn.....be nice...." I'm like "Oh HEELLLLLLLLLS naw! Nice is what you get when you act like you have some HOME TRAINING....oh, so they wwere just gon' MAKE me see their ass, huh....Well, they bought the ticket and they gon get the show!" (yeah I was mad as hell....bout to pop a blood vessel and everything!)
So, I go down there and as RUDELY as I could say "Hi.... uh....what are you all doing here unanounced???? *looking shitty as HELL like 'what the FUCK were you thinking?'* You don't just IMPOSE yourself on someone's safe-haven!!!
They were like "Oh.... *with a shocked and confused look*...wellll.....we called" And I said “yes I KNOW you called, and I didn’t answer so why are you here? * insert shitty smile again
At this point, I was looking at them both like "SHUT THE FUCK UP, you're here so sit'cho asses down already DAMN!"
So, the moral of the story---albeit clear I believe----is that if you are ever in my neck of the woods, please come check a sista out…..just call befo’ you come
Monday, August 08, 2005
The 100's
O.K., I've seen this list quite a bit, and since I'm playing hooky today and fulfilling #26 on this list(which I actually wrote last week),I'm a wee bit lazy so I think I'll just post this and go back to sleep! *heehee*
100.I have come to grips with a lot of things that either are or are not in my life
99.I still think “what if I had done….” With respect to my younger years
98. I have no regerts though
97. Though if I could there are definitely some things that would have been different
96. I will never date another Scorpio again
95. Being with my ex, Dave (a scorpio),was a great learning experience
94. I vowed to never feel that dependent on a man for comfort EVER again
93.I love my alma mater....,GO MSU SPARTANS!!
92. But I did comtemplate going to grad school at that “other” Michigan school (the yellow & blue one).ick!
91. My father was scared to die and so am I.
90. But I refuse to go to the dr. for a checkup like my Mom wants me to
89. I love rainy days
88. Rainy days fuel my introspection.
87. Having a baby changed my life in EVERY way
86. I couldn’t imagine my life without him
85. I love DISCO
84. My best friend is a DJ who makes all my house/disco music
83. In this lifetime I was lucky enough to have found my soulmate
82. My spirit is restless with indifference in a lot of areas of my life
81. I want to start a new career.
80. I have NO idea what thatwill be
79. I am usually smiling
78. People say that I have a bubbly personality
77. I have a SEVERE case of road rage.
76. I love apple pie
75. I love to be in love
74. I have been to see a psycologist before
73. I stopped going,wonder if it helped?
72. My best friend keeps me grounded
71. I had a long term friend decide that she no longer wished to remain friends with me this year (due to her OWN b.s. issues)
70. I did care, but now I could give a shit less.
69. I am usually easy to get along with.
68. Being a mother is hard as hell sometimes
67. Being a mother is the best thing I’ve ever done…bar none.
66. My child is my reason and my purpose
65. seeing him smile warms my heart like nothing else in this world.
64.I love sunny days
63.I do NOT like to sweat.
62. I am a HORRIBLE procrastinator
61. I work MUCH better under pressure.
60 I used to be an “over-committer”
59. One of these days I’m going to lose 50 pounds
58. My best birthday was my 4th…I had raggedy ann EVERYTHING
57. I am not perfect, but I am perfectly fine with that
56. There are many flaws I’ve learned to live with! Ha!
55. True Love at any age is timeless and beautiful.
54. I want to have another baby
53. I hope the NEXT birth isn’t as horrible and long as this one was.
52. I worry about my Mom being so far away in Florida.
51. I no longer think of my Mom as being invincible….ever since I realized that she takes about 13 pills a day for various ailments
50. Mortality is real and life is finite….
49. I want to cut my hair
48. I want to grow my hair long again
47. I one day want to be a well-know photographer
45. I sometimes fear that my husband will never fully understand “me”
44. Arguing with him breaks my heart.
43. I love diamonds.
42. I got my first diamond in the form of my engagement ring.
41. I wish I could just leave this job and strike out into a new career and say “FUCK IT”, throwing all caution to the wind.
40. But I’m afraid to fail
39. I want to go to a new Caribbean island every year.
38. I need to organize a “girl’s” trip to ‘somewhere’
37. If I were to move to Atlanta I’d miss my friends
36. Though I was born & raised here, I’d soooo NOT miss this city.
35. I wish I had’ve been able to go to Studio 54 and Paradise Garage back in Disco’s hey-day
34. I hate when people ask me “Oh, so you like Gloria Gaynor, the Village People, Sister Sledge, etc.” when I say I like Disco…
33. I hardly like ANY run-of-the-mill Disco.
32. I like underground/deep Disco and House
31. I need to go to Club Shelter in NYC any damn time soon, cause I’m going through withdrawal!
30. Sometimes I just wanna go on a vacation by myself
29. I happiest on Saturday mornings reeeeally early in the a.m. when I am preparing for my weekend
28. I love to shop
27. I do more shopping for the baby and the house than anything else these days!
26. I am going to play hooky and take a “me day” sometime very soon
25. I wish I could’ve met my maternal grandfather and great-grandmother
24. One day I’m going to track my genealogy
23. the older I get, the more I give less than 2-fucks WHAT people think
22. The older I get the less patience I have for dumb shit
21. The older I get, the more I realize the world is MOSTLY full of people that do and say dumb shit.
20. My friends used to think I was a “playette” O.K., I was *hee hee*
19. I loved being single in my 20’s….. My best summer as an adult was 1993….me & Jen hung like wet rags.
18. I’m extremely sensitive and can get my feeling hurt*snapping my fingers* like that!
17. It is so clear to me that black people MUST have several streams of income and investments JUST to plan to have a decent retirement
16. I love Gerber Daisies…the pink or bright orange ones.
15. I have slept with a married man(who was and still is a good friend of mine) before.....a number of times, over several years
14. I didn’t feel bad about it, though I knew it was wrong, but I won’t do it again
13. I have come to accept that I am kinda cute (I used to never believe it when someone gave me a compliment)
12. I had a breast reduction 11 yrs. ago.
11. Some of my guy friends commented “noooo, not the twins, don’t do it!!!!” at the time
10. Pre-reduction, I ABSOLUTELY HATED the attention that I got because of them
9. I like the attention now!!
8. Food is good…the food I love is VERY good…Salmon & capers in a lemon & basil cream sauce with angel hair pasta….YUM!!!
7. I don’t want my mommy to die
6. I wasn’t as close to my father and when he died I wasn’t as “totally broken down/sad” as I thought I should’ve been
5. My male friends & I had some GREAT (platonic) trips out of town….definitely some of my best memories.
4. I love shoe shopping and have about 70-80 pair. Is that a lot?
3. I love Pancakes and Sunday morning breakfast
2. I need to rest more because I’m perpetually tired at the end of the day...EVERYDAY.
1. I need to get closer to God.
100.I have come to grips with a lot of things that either are or are not in my life
99.I still think “what if I had done….” With respect to my younger years
98. I have no regerts though
97. Though if I could there are definitely some things that would have been different
96. I will never date another Scorpio again
95. Being with my ex, Dave (a scorpio),was a great learning experience
94. I vowed to never feel that dependent on a man for comfort EVER again
93.I love my alma mater....,GO MSU SPARTANS!!
92. But I did comtemplate going to grad school at that “other” Michigan school (the yellow & blue one).ick!
91. My father was scared to die and so am I.
90. But I refuse to go to the dr. for a checkup like my Mom wants me to
89. I love rainy days
88. Rainy days fuel my introspection.
87. Having a baby changed my life in EVERY way
86. I couldn’t imagine my life without him
85. I love DISCO
84. My best friend is a DJ who makes all my house/disco music
83. In this lifetime I was lucky enough to have found my soulmate
82. My spirit is restless with indifference in a lot of areas of my life
81. I want to start a new career.
80. I have NO idea what thatwill be
79. I am usually smiling
78. People say that I have a bubbly personality
77. I have a SEVERE case of road rage.
76. I love apple pie
75. I love to be in love
74. I have been to see a psycologist before
73. I stopped going,wonder if it helped?
72. My best friend keeps me grounded
71. I had a long term friend decide that she no longer wished to remain friends with me this year (due to her OWN b.s. issues)
70. I did care, but now I could give a shit less.
69. I am usually easy to get along with.
68. Being a mother is hard as hell sometimes
67. Being a mother is the best thing I’ve ever done…bar none.
66. My child is my reason and my purpose
65. seeing him smile warms my heart like nothing else in this world.
64.I love sunny days
63.I do NOT like to sweat.
62. I am a HORRIBLE procrastinator
61. I work MUCH better under pressure.
60 I used to be an “over-committer”
59. One of these days I’m going to lose 50 pounds
58. My best birthday was my 4th…I had raggedy ann EVERYTHING
57. I am not perfect, but I am perfectly fine with that
56. There are many flaws I’ve learned to live with! Ha!
55. True Love at any age is timeless and beautiful.
54. I want to have another baby
53. I hope the NEXT birth isn’t as horrible and long as this one was.
52. I worry about my Mom being so far away in Florida.
51. I no longer think of my Mom as being invincible….ever since I realized that she takes about 13 pills a day for various ailments
50. Mortality is real and life is finite….
49. I want to cut my hair
48. I want to grow my hair long again
47. I one day want to be a well-know photographer
45. I sometimes fear that my husband will never fully understand “me”
44. Arguing with him breaks my heart.
43. I love diamonds.
42. I got my first diamond in the form of my engagement ring.
41. I wish I could just leave this job and strike out into a new career and say “FUCK IT”, throwing all caution to the wind.
40. But I’m afraid to fail
39. I want to go to a new Caribbean island every year.
38. I need to organize a “girl’s” trip to ‘somewhere’
37. If I were to move to Atlanta I’d miss my friends
36. Though I was born & raised here, I’d soooo NOT miss this city.
35. I wish I had’ve been able to go to Studio 54 and Paradise Garage back in Disco’s hey-day
34. I hate when people ask me “Oh, so you like Gloria Gaynor, the Village People, Sister Sledge, etc.” when I say I like Disco…
33. I hardly like ANY run-of-the-mill Disco.
32. I like underground/deep Disco and House
31. I need to go to Club Shelter in NYC any damn time soon, cause I’m going through withdrawal!
30. Sometimes I just wanna go on a vacation by myself
29. I happiest on Saturday mornings reeeeally early in the a.m. when I am preparing for my weekend
28. I love to shop
27. I do more shopping for the baby and the house than anything else these days!
26. I am going to play hooky and take a “me day” sometime very soon
25. I wish I could’ve met my maternal grandfather and great-grandmother
24. One day I’m going to track my genealogy
23. the older I get, the more I give less than 2-fucks WHAT people think
22. The older I get the less patience I have for dumb shit
21. The older I get, the more I realize the world is MOSTLY full of people that do and say dumb shit.
20. My friends used to think I was a “playette” O.K., I was *hee hee*
19. I loved being single in my 20’s….. My best summer as an adult was 1993….me & Jen hung like wet rags.
18. I’m extremely sensitive and can get my feeling hurt*snapping my fingers* like that!
17. It is so clear to me that black people MUST have several streams of income and investments JUST to plan to have a decent retirement
16. I love Gerber Daisies…the pink or bright orange ones.
15. I have slept with a married man(who was and still is a good friend of mine) before.....a number of times, over several years
14. I didn’t feel bad about it, though I knew it was wrong, but I won’t do it again
13. I have come to accept that I am kinda cute (I used to never believe it when someone gave me a compliment)
12. I had a breast reduction 11 yrs. ago.
11. Some of my guy friends commented “noooo, not the twins, don’t do it!!!!” at the time
10. Pre-reduction, I ABSOLUTELY HATED the attention that I got because of them
9. I like the attention now!!
8. Food is good…the food I love is VERY good…Salmon & capers in a lemon & basil cream sauce with angel hair pasta….YUM!!!
7. I don’t want my mommy to die
6. I wasn’t as close to my father and when he died I wasn’t as “totally broken down/sad” as I thought I should’ve been
5. My male friends & I had some GREAT (platonic) trips out of town….definitely some of my best memories.
4. I love shoe shopping and have about 70-80 pair. Is that a lot?
3. I love Pancakes and Sunday morning breakfast
2. I need to rest more because I’m perpetually tired at the end of the day...EVERYDAY.
1. I need to get closer to God.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Blog addiction? & Nosey Mutha's
The husband just sent this to me and I am soooo feeling this cause this is the way I feel about my co-workers and sordid others.....
Some people are like Slinkies...
Not really good for anything,
But they still bring a smile to your face
When you push them down a flight of stairs .
Hot damn I swear that's the way I feel about some folks!
Am I addicted to blogging??? I think I am. I am a serious "work blogger". This is when i have the most time to do it and am most mentally alert. I find blogging such a relaxing and cathartic way to express all of the shit that gets backed up in my mind at one time or another. O.K, my husband says I'm "too addicted" ,but I say just like he has golf, I have blog. I blog therefore I am dammit! *hee hee*
But seriously, I am addicted ya'll. I mean, I work with a bunch of nosey, tattle-tell assholes and unfortunately my computer is turned in a FUCKED up position where the asshole behind can see if EVERYTIME he walks by or if my boss trots her ass over here, SHE can see it to. And they look at my computer screen (and my other black co-worker's screen) EVERY TIME they either pass BY my desk or stop to tell/give me something like there's a gahdamn Gremlin sitting there just begging them to look or like there is ANYTHING on MY computer that THEY need to see!!! DAMMIT, I hate nosey assholes. But I have found that that's how most white folks are. Nosey. But you wanna hear the kicker? THe muthafucka that sits behind me get's up from his desk like 10-15 times an HOUR!!! No FUCK.ING. LIE. And sometimes his ass goes to the bathroom comes back, goes to check the fax machine,comes back, goes up to the front,comes back, will get to the end of our row snap his fingers in an "aww shoot, I forgot something" way,and ....comes back. This muthafucka gets on my nerves SOOOOOO DAMN bad! I mean I wanna tell him to "sit his $5 ass down befo' I make change" ---- a la Nino Brown. But truth is, if me or my girl were to do this.... my boss would be questioning us BAD like we ran off to Jamaica or something!!! He get's such preferntial treatment (in small ways like this) and it's so bad that he's such the "Golden Boy" that take this situation for example..... if we were to be gone from our desks as much as he is, our boss would be looking under plants, in garbage cans, in the bathroom.... Oh wait. She's already DONE THAT SHIT! "Robyn are you in here?" I kid you not. And though it has not been often, the fact that it happened at all is an abomination! (you see why I gotta leave before "going postal" ain't got shit on me???) And all she wanted to tell me was that "Oh, I just wanted to tell you that we received a new worker's comp. booklet and it has all of the new names......". People. I kid.you. not. THIS BITCH INTERRUPTED MY PERSONAL PEE-TIME TO TELL ME ABOUT A FUCKING WORKER'S COMP. UPDATE !!!!! Ya'll don't feel me.
So, in relation to my blog, I have to be 007 and trigger finger at the same time when I'm doing my work-blog thang. I quickly switch the screen so that when nosey ass people come over, it LOOKS like I'm working. My ears are so attuned to anyone walking up to my desk that I actually "KNOW" how each person in my dept's walk sounds. (I was doing this before I was blogging though). Because there are some things that'cho ass, Ms. Boss-bitch, were not meant to see.
"Why don't you blog at home" you say? In three words, a 13-month old. When I get home it's all about the Zilla ----->
and how could I deny this face. Then after he's fed, bathed and put to sleep I begin job #3 (because my husband usually works late, I do the previously detailed part solo most of the time). So then I try to find SOME-thing to cook or my husband will cook or bring something home from take-out. By this time...it's 9:30-10:00p.m. and I feel like I've been LITERALLY picking cotton ALL damn-day long. I ain't got NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO blogging energy. As a matter of fact, I ain't got no energy AT ALL. none. zip. zero.*calling out in to someone in the background* Somebody bring me some Echinacea, pleeease!!!! Soooooooo this brings us back to "why I blog at work".....it's damn near the only time (during the week) that I CAN do it!
But blogging is sublime for me...totally sublime, I guess if I can't relax and read a book, I can at least pencil in a lil bit o' time to blog, albeit at work, and relase my inner-self to the outer world!
Enjoy and keep reading!
Not really good for anything,
But they still bring a smile to your face
When you push them down a flight of stairs .
Hot damn I swear that's the way I feel about some folks!
Am I addicted to blogging??? I think I am. I am a serious "work blogger". This is when i have the most time to do it and am most mentally alert. I find blogging such a relaxing and cathartic way to express all of the shit that gets backed up in my mind at one time or another. O.K, my husband says I'm "too addicted" ,but I say just like he has golf, I have blog. I blog therefore I am dammit! *hee hee*
But seriously, I am addicted ya'll. I mean, I work with a bunch of nosey, tattle-tell assholes and unfortunately my computer is turned in a FUCKED up position where the asshole behind can see if EVERYTIME he walks by or if my boss trots her ass over here, SHE can see it to. And they look at my computer screen (and my other black co-worker's screen) EVERY TIME they either pass BY my desk or stop to tell/give me something like there's a gahdamn Gremlin sitting there just begging them to look or like there is ANYTHING on MY computer that THEY need to see!!! DAMMIT, I hate nosey assholes. But I have found that that's how most white folks are. Nosey. But you wanna hear the kicker? THe muthafucka that sits behind me get's up from his desk like 10-15 times an HOUR!!! No FUCK.ING. LIE. And sometimes his ass goes to the bathroom comes back, goes to check the fax machine,comes back, goes up to the front,comes back, will get to the end of our row snap his fingers in an "aww shoot, I forgot something" way,and ....comes back. This muthafucka gets on my nerves SOOOOOO DAMN bad! I mean I wanna tell him to "sit his $5 ass down befo' I make change" ---- a la Nino Brown. But truth is, if me or my girl were to do this.... my boss would be questioning us BAD like we ran off to Jamaica or something!!! He get's such preferntial treatment (in small ways like this) and it's so bad that he's such the "Golden Boy" that take this situation for example..... if we were to be gone from our desks as much as he is, our boss would be looking under plants, in garbage cans, in the bathroom.... Oh wait. She's already DONE THAT SHIT! "Robyn are you in here?" I kid you not. And though it has not been often, the fact that it happened at all is an abomination! (you see why I gotta leave before "going postal" ain't got shit on me???) And all she wanted to tell me was that "Oh, I just wanted to tell you that we received a new worker's comp. booklet and it has all of the new names......". People. I kid.you. not. THIS BITCH INTERRUPTED MY PERSONAL PEE-TIME TO TELL ME ABOUT A FUCKING WORKER'S COMP. UPDATE !!!!! Ya'll don't feel me.
So, in relation to my blog, I have to be 007 and trigger finger at the same time when I'm doing my work-blog thang. I quickly switch the screen so that when nosey ass people come over, it LOOKS like I'm working. My ears are so attuned to anyone walking up to my desk that I actually "KNOW" how each person in my dept's walk sounds. (I was doing this before I was blogging though). Because there are some things that'cho ass, Ms. Boss-bitch, were not meant to see.
"Why don't you blog at home" you say? In three words, a 13-month old. When I get home it's all about the Zilla ----->
and how could I deny this face. Then after he's fed, bathed and put to sleep I begin job #3 (because my husband usually works late, I do the previously detailed part solo most of the time). So then I try to find SOME-thing to cook or my husband will cook or bring something home from take-out. By this time...it's 9:30-10:00p.m. and I feel like I've been LITERALLY picking cotton ALL damn-day long. I ain't got NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO blogging energy. As a matter of fact, I ain't got no energy AT ALL. none. zip. zero.*calling out in to someone in the background* Somebody bring me some Echinacea, pleeease!!!! Soooooooo this brings us back to "why I blog at work".....it's damn near the only time (during the week) that I CAN do it!But blogging is sublime for me...totally sublime, I guess if I can't relax and read a book, I can at least pencil in a lil bit o' time to blog, albeit at work, and relase my inner-self to the outer world!
Enjoy and keep reading!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Thusrday....aka Friday eve....
O.k. people...I am feeling a lil 
and lil 
. I am so ready to get outta here that I am tapping my foot...nervously. I don't tap my foot, but today I'm a tappin away...... maybe I can tap my way into Friday and on into the weekend. I need this weekend to come and come quick!
Work is just work. And I am ready to leave this job. No not just today, but forever. I think that this is why I wake up everyday and question whether I want to call in or not and try to come up with a plausible excuse that would enable me to stay at home guilt free. I usually don't come up with something I deem worthy to pitch to my boss or just don't wanna deal with her attitude, so I come in. Every morning, I go through the same cycle, rinse & repeat the next morning.I have become the "drone" worker. There is no excitement and no great desire to do better or even to be better in this current environment. Apathy about ones job is a terrible thing, no? I feel that this job is sucking the life outta me. That is not me. This is not how I function. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am way more ambitious than "this" place that I find myself resting.
I have got to get out of here! Moving on and changing is the best thing for me to do.
There HAS TO BE SOMETHING BETTER! Many people say that with my personality that I'd be great at PR or something of the like. I agree and have come to accept that in general I am usually well liked upon first encounters and I have a knack for being able to talk to almost anybody. You know the saying "everyone has something that they are naturally good at... you just need to find it"? Well, the aforementioned qualities are mine. But Robyn, you say, those are qualities, not actual "things" that you are good at. I say, "exactly". And though I might be "great" at PR, at this point in my life, I CANNOT monetarily afford to start a career path ovuh and be somebody's PR intern making $7.50 an hour or sum shit! I have a family and we gotta eat! So, I find myself in this vicious circle.....
I have yet to find how I can parlay my natural "people skills" into actual cash, dinero...you know CHEDDA that I can get paid a decent wage to do! A smile AIN'T gon get no dayum bills paid! And a good attitude AIN'T gon help ya if you have no idea what you want to do. So I guess today I actually feel
more so than anything. I'm praying for clarity tomorrow.
and lil . I am so ready to get outta here that I am tapping my foot...nervously. I don't tap my foot, but today I'm a tappin away...... maybe I can tap my way into Friday and on into the weekend. I need this weekend to come and come quick!Work is just work. And I am ready to leave this job. No not just today, but forever. I think that this is why I wake up everyday and question whether I want to call in or not and try to come up with a plausible excuse that would enable me to stay at home guilt free. I usually don't come up with something I deem worthy to pitch to my boss or just don't wanna deal with her attitude, so I come in. Every morning, I go through the same cycle, rinse & repeat the next morning.I have become the "drone" worker. There is no excitement and no great desire to do better or even to be better in this current environment. Apathy about ones job is a terrible thing, no? I feel that this job is sucking the life outta me. That is not me. This is not how I function. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am way more ambitious than "this" place that I find myself resting.
I have got to get out of here! Moving on and changing is the best thing for me to do.
There HAS TO BE SOMETHING BETTER! Many people say that with my personality that I'd be great at PR or something of the like. I agree and have come to accept that in general I am usually well liked upon first encounters and I have a knack for being able to talk to almost anybody. You know the saying "everyone has something that they are naturally good at... you just need to find it"? Well, the aforementioned qualities are mine. But Robyn, you say, those are qualities, not actual "things" that you are good at. I say, "exactly". And though I might be "great" at PR, at this point in my life, I CANNOT monetarily afford to start a career path ovuh and be somebody's PR intern making $7.50 an hour or sum shit! I have a family and we gotta eat! So, I find myself in this vicious circle.....
I have yet to find how I can parlay my natural "people skills" into actual cash, dinero...you know CHEDDA that I can get paid a decent wage to do! A smile AIN'T gon get no dayum bills paid! And a good attitude AIN'T gon help ya if you have no idea what you want to do. So I guess today I actually feel
more so than anything. I'm praying for clarity tomorrow.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
My Favorite Movie Quote of All Time
Now, if you've seen Pulp Fiction, you know EXACTLY what I'm about to write. This is one of my favorite movies. And the following scene is my ALL time favorite scene. It's at the beginning where Jules and Vincent go to these college boys' house to retrieve some *thing* that the boys have in their possession that belongs to all of their collective bosses, Marcellus Wallace.
Jules: You read the Bible Bret?
Bret: Not regularly.
Jules: There's a passage I got memorized.
Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin, Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.
And like Jules...I am trying real hard to be the shepherd.....niggas wanna test you, but I'm tryin....I'm tryin' LOL!
Jules: You read the Bible Bret?
Bret: Not regularly.
Jules: There's a passage I got memorized.
Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin, Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.
And like Jules...I am trying real hard to be the shepherd.....niggas wanna test you, but I'm tryin....I'm tryin' LOL!
Stoopid Ass Conversation
I just had the stoooopidest (yeah, it's affected me too) converstaion with someone on the phone (and yes, he was a nigro). This person called to ask me a question regarding the company's tuition reimbursement program, since I administrate the program. Cool. So, he tells me he's calling for someone else who has a question. Here's the conversation.
Me: Oh, O.K., no problem. What kind of question did you have?
Him: uh, the girl I'm calling for had a question about how to fill out the request form
Me: O.K., what's the question?
Him: She was confused as to how to fill out some of the boxes that need to be filled out
Me: Wellll..... which boxes was she confused about?
Him: I'm not sure, she asked me and I said 'who better to call than you'
Me: O.K., but I need to know what she's confused about so I'll know what to tell her *thinking,DUH!!!*
Him: O.K., well....I'mma transfer you to her
WHY IN THE FUCK AM I TALKING TO YOU? Can you tell me??? You don't know WHAT THE FUCK the reason was for the call!!! GET'CHO STOOOOPID ASS OFF MY DAMN PHONE.
Him: (talking to himself in the background)O.K. I gotta figure out how to work this transfer thang.
Me: *thinking* do do do daa daa daa
Him: *after trying to transfer me 4 fucking times unsuccessfully* O.K. here we go.
Phone hangs up and goes dead.
I am through. That was my cue to go the fuck home. He told me his name and though I've never talked to him and don't have a phone number to call back, I could look him up on the online directory, but FUCK IT! His dumb-ass doesn't deserve a call back and whoever needs the information should have the presence of mind to CALL ME THEMSELVES or else they don't fuckin' need the damn info.!
I'm out.
*uh oh.....the phone riging as we speak......... lata ya'll*
Me: Oh, O.K., no problem. What kind of question did you have?
Him: uh, the girl I'm calling for had a question about how to fill out the request form
Me: O.K., what's the question?
Him: She was confused as to how to fill out some of the boxes that need to be filled out
Me: Wellll..... which boxes was she confused about?
Him: I'm not sure, she asked me and I said 'who better to call than you'
Me: O.K., but I need to know what she's confused about so I'll know what to tell her *thinking,DUH!!!*
Him: O.K., well....I'mma transfer you to her
WHY IN THE FUCK AM I TALKING TO YOU? Can you tell me??? You don't know WHAT THE FUCK the reason was for the call!!! GET'CHO STOOOOPID ASS OFF MY DAMN PHONE.
Him: (talking to himself in the background)O.K. I gotta figure out how to work this transfer thang.
Me: *thinking* do do do daa daa daa
Him: *after trying to transfer me 4 fucking times unsuccessfully* O.K. here we go.
Phone hangs up and goes dead.
I am through. That was my cue to go the fuck home. He told me his name and though I've never talked to him and don't have a phone number to call back, I could look him up on the online directory, but FUCK IT! His dumb-ass doesn't deserve a call back and whoever needs the information should have the presence of mind to CALL ME THEMSELVES or else they don't fuckin' need the damn info.!
I'm out.
*uh oh.....the phone riging as we speak......... lata ya'll*
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