Thursday, August 11, 2005

Uninvited Pest.....uh...I mean Guests

I got the idea for this post from NJ Diva Girl. She was talking about this guy that came to her home unannounced and that she could not have that.

I am soooooo in agreement with her! I hate, and I repeat, I HAAAAAATE it when friends, family, and ESPECIALLY when solicitors come by unannounced (I know, I know....it's not like the solicitors can call ahead, but STILL! LOL) !!! It is a seeeeeriousper peeve of mine.

It is simply rude and inconsiderate to do a "drive by" on someone, especially when that someone is ME!!! Anyone that knows me knows that when I am out I am typically the jovial, convivial life of the party! I am usually the bubbly fun, talkative one. There is a reason for this: I have this time ans place set aside FOR THAT.

If you stop by, unannounced, I may be in my draws, washing the tub, with a headscarf on with the baby running around like a wild banshee! I at that time do-FUCKING-NOT feel like a. geting dressed b. taking off my headscarf, c. or having company that I have to entertain ( via conversation or otherwise)! See, if I am prepared for youand in the mood, you will have a quite enjoyable time at my humble abode. However, if you are foolish (see: stupid as FUCK) enough to come unannounced, you WILL get the OTHER side of Robyn.....Esmeralda, the bitch. And you do NOT want to meet that hoe.

I do not like having company unannounced because like most women, if I am not "looking right" who wants to be on display???? And since I have a 13-month old, my house is in perpetual Toy/shit everywhere HELL!! I need time to clean up and make shit presentable so that I can at least FAKE you out and make being a divalicious, full time-working Mommy of a 13 month old look "effortless"! :-) No but for real, I do need people to see that we are NOT pigs and if you catch that house at juuuuuuust the RIGHT TIME......babeeeeee..... you might not evuh want to come back! Doing all this shit is hard work!! WHEW! I'm tired just talking about it!!!

Now, I have not intimated with this amount of specificity and detail how vehemently opposed to "drive-by's" I am. But one would think that I shouldn't have to and that muthafuckas' had been raised right. Uh-uh.....not the case.

Lemme tell you what happened a few months ago. Two of my girlfriends called me. I didn't answer. Why? Because I didn't want to be fucking bothered. No malice in that....just didn't want to talk or be bothered. They then called my cell phone. (they do this quite often, which I've never understood, because if I don't answer one....guess what.....no take a stab at it.....THAT'S RIGHT!! MY BLACK ASS AIN'T ANSWERIN THE OTHA ONE!)My friends also know that I am faaaaaaaaaaaaamous for not answering the phone and then calling back later. My theory with respect to that is this: I have alot of SHIT going on and if I'm just chilling,and do NOT want to talk then if I answer the phone, I WILL be funky and short and why even have a conversation like that cause the person on the other end will INEVITABLY say either to themselves or friend’s “What in the HELL is wrong with her??” Well, there’s nothing wrong with me other than I’m having a conversation that I don’t wanna have at the moment. Now, you see why it is best if I do NOT answer the phone if I am not up to it?????


Anywho...back to the lecture at hand....so they called BOTH numbers (and of course it was my one friend who I have to be in the mood to talk to anyway, who's number they were calling from) and I didn't answer. DOOOOOOOOONNN'T you know THEY THEN CAME OVER TO MY FUCKING HOUSE????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My husband went to the door cause we suuuuuure were not expecting anyone and in my wildest-retarded dreams did NOT think it would've been her! He comes upstairs and says "It's J & K". I had already heard their voices from upstairs because as previously detailed I was....in my draws, with a t shirt on, head scarf on, NOT presentable AT FUCKING ALL!!!!!! DAMMIT! I got'ta cuss yo mu'fucking ass out now!

So as I am angrily pulling on some sweatpants upstairs I'm saying to my husband "Oh, these bitches are about to hear a gatdamn EAR-FUL today....how DAAAARE they come over after I DIDN'T answer the phone! " He's like "Robyn.....be nice...." I'm like "Oh HEELLLLLLLLLS naw! Nice is what you get when you act like you have some HOME TRAINING....oh, so they wwere just gon' MAKE me see their ass, huh....Well, they bought the ticket and they gon get the show!" (yeah I was mad as hell....bout to pop a blood vessel and everything!)

So, I go down there and as RUDELY as I could say "Hi.... uh....what are you all doing here unanounced???? *looking shitty as HELL like 'what the FUCK were you thinking?'* You don't just IMPOSE yourself on someone's safe-haven!!!

They were like "Oh.... *with a shocked and confused look*...wellll.....we called" And I said “yes I KNOW you called, and I didn’t answer so why are you here? * insert shitty smile again

At this point, I was looking at them both like "SHUT THE FUCK UP, you're here so sit'cho asses down already DAMN!"

So, the moral of the story---albeit clear I believe----is that if you are ever in my neck of the woods, please come check a sista out…..just call befo’ you come

1 comment:

Knockout Zed said...

You ornery ass!!! I'm dropping by tomorrow!