New person Pt. Deux (finale)

Welcome to the jungle!!!



I don’t like Guns N Roses, but this was about as fitting a statement as I could think of that I’d like to make to this new girl that started today. Let’s call her Wobbles (because she has a wobbly-eye that fucks with me when I look at her…..not being mean, it just is what it is and it’s distracting …..and they named her….”wobbly”)

Anywho…..

Well, as the epilogue to my story about the injustices regarding how the admin. for my group at work was hired, I am going to wrap up the Chica girl story up.

The long and the short of it was she was hired. If you didn’t read the first 2 parts read this regarding our department hiring a new person here….

But first I am going to post a part of my comments section which came from an Anonymous person in regards to the first post, referenced above, that I did a few days ago on the hiring the new person. People just need to read my response to her so that they can get the gist of why I can’t STAND my stankin-ass boss and the bullshit that I deal with. And this is a snippet. Apparently this person has not had to deal with the shit that I have……..

Anonymous said…..

I just stumbled into your blog spot by chance.

Whew!! What a story!

I was there before and I hated it - the politics in the office environment, that is. It is a power game! Unfortunately, you have HER as a boss!

Meaning no disrespect to any party but just a thought: let's take a step back and look at the same scenario with YOU in your boss's position and HER in your shoes. Do you think she will write a similar story in HER blog with the same steam?

And I am curious if your "stankin-ass-boss"(is that how you say it?) knows about your blog spot? You are not only showing your cards, she will be reading your mind if she does!

Just went to a job interview myself yesterday afternoon and that's why I am drawn into your blog. Tell your boss I am multilingual in English, Chinese (a few dialects) and French and I think I can do the job without having to become a friend to any of you. And, your department JUST MIGHT deal with China or France in the slightest possible chance!

Just joking! Hope I did not offend anybody!

Admin Assistant, SF

Robyn said…..
Hey Anon! hmmm...food for thought indeed..... well.... I don't believe that she knows about this because for 1, she barely knows how to turn ON her computer or make a cell phone call. So....she's pretty dumb when it comes to things like that. Nor would she have the opportunity to try to check my "history" or "cookies" on my computer.....I'm taking it waaaaay far now, but.... really. If I asked her what a "cookie" was she'd say an Oreo. So, the ONLY way she would know is if someone told her who saw it and if THAT is the case, I really do not care (i do, but I don't) because I feel that this WHOOOLE process is wrong. And the truth is if she reads all the OTHER shit I've said about her on here, my career is limited with this co. anyway and maybe it's for the best!! Because this is the ONLY place that I can be "real" since I can't go off on her like I would LOOOOOVE to. LOL

But as far as me being in my bosses position, there could NEVER be a blog written with the same details if I were in the bosses position. Number 1, my boss hated and I do mean HATED the relationship that me & the other girl had because she (my boss) has no friends. NO one in the office likes her. People tolerate her. Her boss, the president of the division, is a hands-off kinda guy, meaning he let's this bitch run scott-free and as long as there's no big brew-ha-ha's, he neeever gets word of her shananagins because she is fake as artificial snow around him. She cow-tows and makes shit seem like she's the nicest person when he's around. But the deal is, she knows her HR. Period. I know he's heard SOMETHING about that hoe, but she knows her shit which means he apparently excuses her from being a good HR rep. Which also means that she can weave a lie into the truth and if no one challenges her, she hides behind everything being based on "business decisions", so that she gets what she wants. This is no dumb woman we're speaking of here. But she constantly, makes bullshit dscisions within our HR group and somehow weaves and contorts everything so that in the end it "looks like" it was based on a "business need" and based on "management discretion".

So fake!

But it's really bullshit. When my girl (that got fired) was pregnant, she PURPOSELY made it harder on her because she has no kids, has had 5 or 6 miscarriages and she is a miserable person. MY friend was violently sick during the 1st few months and could NOT get out of bed and come in until 10:00am (we start at 8:00). You would think that she would have some sympathy right, i mean, this was a REAL justifiable reason to be late. Noooooo she just made it HARDER on my girl, not allowing her to make up time (which she used to do) and making it just pure hell on her and making it so that she DIDN'T get paid for any of that time that she didn't make up. That's NOT the way it used to be. She was jealous, plainly put. So, though she could have gotten away with giving her MORE leeway, she saw fit to TAKE AWAY more leeway because she is a jealous BITCH who can't handle #1 anything she isn't in control over and #2 Anyone having a life. Do you know that she saw fit to tell me (even though she KNOWS I have NO FAMILY SUPPORT, no grandmother's, grandfather's etc. to help with my son) that because last winter he was sick often, that I "needed to" make my husband more accountable and that he should be taking care of the baby sometimes and that I "had to" get a backup plan. (first who the FUCK are you to tell ME how to relate to MY husband you presumptious, RUDE bitch. That's out of line,plain and simple. And O.K., bitch I don't HAVE a backup plan,and you KNOW I don't have anyone else to stay with him so cut ms some slack). I am a manager, I can work at home. Oh, but she veto'ed that too, because she said that "you can't POSSIBLY do any work at home with a sick child at home....so no, you can't get paid for working at home". How do you know? I could do it when the baby is sleep. Or I could do it later in the evening. Who are you to define how I am able to get my work done?????? As long as it's done right??? But noooooooo. Not her. Every other manager (of which some are women) and some admins are able to work from home and get more "flex" than me.

This is just ONE example of which there are TOOO MANY to name in which she makes shit MORE difficult when it is expressly in HER realm of possibilities to make it EASIER! This because I work for her. Does that make it a bit more clear as to why I say that I would NEVER be that kinda of person??? She'd have nothing to write about me that had that kinda "steam" as you put it because I KNOW that people have lives, and that this job is not THAT hard to the point where exceptions can't be made. It just ain't. This job is a pretty chill type of job work-wise at least. Hence, me staying this long. The work is not overpowering or stressful. So, I've stayed with this bullshit this long.....but I am sure that the end will be coming soon..... cause one tires of the bullshit....

She is a person who derives respect from a title (almost like with yous mother using that "because I said so" reasoning), not because of mutual respect. If you are below her and work FOR her especially, you gets NO respect. And the sad thing is that almost NO one in the company knows how deep her bullshit reaches. They don't know how DEEP and intrinsically bitch-da-fied she is.

And you didn't offend me ANYway, but I know that the bullshit dealt with at THIS job is unreal sometimes. Simply unreal. I could go on and on....

And anyone that knows me knows I have mannnnnny more tales like this. Hence my feeling like, if her ass IS reading my damn blog DON'T SAY A MUTHAFUCKING THING TO ME! Act like ya ass didn't even see it!! It is what I CHOOSE to do after work. And if you DO see this, I can begin the search for a new job (Cause me & you will be beefin IMMEDIATELY!!!)

Carrying on……

Check this out, O.K., so this bitch (my boss ) decides that she is going to hire Wobbles a.k.a. Chica Girl and that she now wants to detail the shit that she feels Wobbles has that trumps Sitsa Girl’s qualifications. Lemme give you a fast replay of the conversation:

Boss-hoe: After reviewing the qualifications…..I really just feel that Wobbles has more experience in an actual “HR Admin.” job than Chica girl does.
Me: O.K., but if you look at the “tasks” that Wobbles did IN that job, they were very small tasks that anyone could learn. (translation: they were a bunch of admin. bullshit that ANY gatdamn admin could do!) And didn't you say two days ago that “it’s really more about the fit than anything….. I could see that you,me and Sista had abetter chemistry together, than me,you and Chica did…….”

Boss-hoe: Yeah, but she does have more “specific” HR experience

Me: yes, she does…… But it’s not like the other young lady didn’t have any…...she has done payroll and is currently doing the benefits administration at her job

Boss-hoe: Yeah, but she’s only handling them for 55 people, we have 250 people…..

Me: O……K……. but if she’s done it, I’m sure that she can easily acclimate to the increased number of employees……

Boss-hoe: Well….maybe, but I really think that Sista Girl just wants to be in “any” administrative environment…….she doesn’t seem COMMITTED to HR, whereas Wobbles is interested in moving up IN HR.

Me: Well, honestly that is one thing that concerns ME because she eventually would want MY job!

Boss-hoe: Yeah…..well……I don’t see that happening
***I’m thinking….yeah O.K. bitch, that’s probably EXACTLY what you’d love…for that hoe to get my damn job!
But it also concerns me that Sista Girl has a young child…..

Me: ***SCATHINGLY ANGRY, but holding it in and composing myself, while still showing a bit of irritation**** What does THAT have to do with anything??????????????????????????!

Boss-Hoe-Ass: Well, you remember when your Dylan was that small, you had to be out frequently due to his colds and things, and it just concerns me that her baby is so small because I really need this person to be here…..

Me: ******PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSED the FUCK OFF***** O.K., but it’s NOT like she’s a single mother, she's MARRIED, so I am suuuuuuuuuuure that she will be here because she has help at home! And BESIDES that the daycare that the baby goes to is on THIS side of TOWN (which is something Sista told us in the interview)!!!!! So, I am sure that THAT would not be a factor and besides you can’t PREDICT that her baby willeven GET sick as much as MY baby did!(I’m really raising my voice a decibel at this point)

****Interjection****

If that was not the most DISCRIMINA-FUCKING-TORY thing that I’ve heard in a minute, then I don’t know what is!!! How DARE you even take into CONSIDERATION that she has a young baby!!!!! YOU FUNKY SHITTY BITCH!!!!! Ooooooooooooooh! My blood was on FIRE ! Ya’ll don’t know HOW bad I wanna call that girl and say “You know one of the MAIN reasons she DIDN’T hire you is because you hava a small baby and you may need to be off if the baby get’s sick…..please go file a discrimination charge on her….

Where’d I leave off…. Oh O.K….

Boss-hoe: Well, Chica still is bi-lingual ( Oh, O.K…. that’s your little fucking trump-card…..the fact that she’s bilingual… whatever).

Me: And on our “personality test” Chica scored a paltry 33/100 whereas Sista scored 96/100.

Boss-hoe: yeah….but Chica is a good fit because of the bilinguality.

Me: *thinking** whatever…..we don’t HARDLY EVER deal with folks from Mexico and when we do, they speak English


I can’t even remember what else was said…..but that’s the bullshit for the most part.

But…… God don’t like ugly cause Wobbles started today and guess what? Nawww…come on guess….


SHE’S PREGNANT!!!!!!!

It's early on in the pregnancy too.... THAT hoe knew YESTERDAY when she ACCEPTED the position that she was pregnant!! ROFLMBAO!!!!!

Gotcha biatches!!!

Do ya’ll KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW HOW HAPPY I am right now!!!! Well, AIN’T THAT some Poetic justice fo dat ASS!!!!! I feel soooooooooooooo much better!! Because not ONLY will Wobbles have a NEW baby, but she has TWO others!! A 13 year old and a 5 year old !!!!So, you tell me what’s the chances of her being out due to her damn kids??????!! And I BELIEVE that she’s a single Mom…… (nothing against single moms…..hell, mine was one), but that just potentially RUINS her theory that Sista girl woulda been more hassle in terms of call-offs

As they used to say on that old T.V. show the A-Team “I love it when plan comes together”….. and this wasn’t even planned! I couldn’t have scripted some justice type shit better than that!!!!!

Carry on………
*singing* I’m walkin on sunshine….yeeeeeah…..I’m walking on shunshine…yeaaaah, and I’m starting to feel GOOD!!! Alright now!!!!! LMBAO

Congratulations Tori & Rodney!!!!

I am dedicating this post to my friends Rodney and Tori who had a baby girl last night:


Welcome!!!

Giselle Olivia Cole !!!!!
2/12/06
11:49p.m.
20.5 inches
8 lbs. 12 oz!!!


Rodney is my boy from college that I've know for oh, 16 years or so, and when me & my husband moved into our house a year and a half ago, I discovered that Rodney lived across the street. No, like one house across and one house over...so FOR REAL across the street. He & my husband have bonded and so have me & Tori, so he and my huaband have given themselves the title "Captione" (pronounced: Cap-tee-own) LOL Good times are often had by all!! So, since they are like our "extended family" we have been greatly expecting this baby!

She was a week overdue and she was told the same things that I had been told that were supposed to be wivestales (which people said are true) which help induce labor. One was walking and the other was sex.


**crickets**

I would LOVE to hear from ANY 9 1/2 month pregnant(because you know it's actually 9 1/2 months, NOT 9 months) woman who wanted to FUCK when they were BIG.AS.A.HOUSE(??????), cause whoever it may be, let me say in advance YOU'S A GOOD ONE, CUZ I AIN'T THE ONE!!! Because I don't give a shit HOW "well" it worked, wasn't no dicks, fingers, toys or ANYTHING else that didn't NEED to be near my ass (literally)getting near my ass! Now I know htat men just see this as a "last stop, last chance" before that 6-8 weeks after she has the baby when they can't get any ass. My theory: suck it up. I've carried this baby and dealt with the physical changes.... you'll be aw'iight without ass for a lil while! LOL (nope I have NO sympathy for men in terms of this process)

As a matter of facta, the only "insertion" I wanted at that point was some thing to help PULL HIS LIL ASS OUT!!!

Good LAWD!! And then what kills me is that when men get wind of this particular suggestion" they inevitable apparoach the wife like " heh, heh, heh *wink,wink*......uh..... they say that sex helps you bring that baby down......so..... I'm just trying to help YOU out right now..."


**crickets** whatever nigga...... try again!!! Yo ain't gettin no PAAAAARTS of da pussy! Men just don't think...... cause I was so dayum evil when I was 9 1/2 months pregnant that you better not had even LOOKED at me the wrong way or I'da been like "WHAT?? What's that dumb-ass-look for?????" *scowl*

LMAO!!!

WHew !! Yeah I was evil as a rattlesnake and dammit I feel I deserved to be. That's right.... I.DESERVED.TO.BE.A.BITCH.....period. My hormones are playing the bongo's off of each other and my body is hurting at that point, not to mention that I had a constant (sometimes bad) sciatica pain in my leg that sometimes would throb while I was laying down or at best would feel like someone had cut that ligament between my ass and my knee in half, so that when I was trying to do a simple movement like reaching under the cabinet it would say "uh, no girl..... think again..... you can't HANDLE this right now....get'cha husband before you get a charley-horse". And I had a GOOD pregnancy!!! So again, I "had a right to be violent" ( hee hee).

So,I commend women that have gone through this beautiful experience and honor

Annnnnyway, below are some pregnancy pictures that I took of Rodney and Tori. They'd waited to find out what they were having and the suspense nearly KILLED ME!!!! LOL This is her first and his 3rd, and Mom and baby are resting fine.
















I am so very happy for them and "Auntie Robyn" can't WAIT to spoil her!!!

Valentines, Smalentines......

Valentine’s Day…..

Well, the day is fast approaching, much to my dismay…….

Editor’s note:
I usually don’t share too much of my private life with the blog because well…. I just don’t, but today, I will share a little of the real…… and after all, it is my “real life” and so you guys should know that part of me too. And this is a LONNNNNNNNNNG POST….so bear with me…….here goes……

Why do I say “to my dismay” when it comes to this wondrous day? Because though I am one of the most romantic people out there and am very demonstrative in my affections, my husband is not. Now, he would scoff at that statement and probably be a bit upset if he reads this, but it’s true. Now, I know that it is the “thought” that counts, but I always seem to feel disappointed by these types of days. Let’s look back at why.

On our first Valentine’s Day together, we were just on the verge of proclaiming that we were “officially” together. He had an ex-wife whom he had led on and led on and led on to believe that he was going to get back with who BOUGHT herself a plane ticket to come HERE ON VALENTINE’S DAY !! WTF????

Now, though I was fucking him, as with MOST men, if you exhibit any KINDS of “pushy/nagging/bitchy-assed” tendencies during the period of meeting til ya’ll are really together that shit can land you a place in his mind of “I thought she was cool and that I could be with her until……”. Not that I was trying to deceive, it’s just the truth. Women will up with A LOT more “real people shit” as I like to call stuff than men will in the beginning stages. I’m speaking of “stuff” that you might think is there, but don’t wanna see in the person you are dating. So, though I voiced my opinion, hurt and dismay over this I couldn’t give him the blasting I really wanted to ( per him, this meeting in HIS mind was to once and for ALL let her come here so that he could really tell her face to face that it was over, because she was a nut-case with a plethora of issues who probably couldn’t have been told over the phone, without her being institutionalized…naw….for real. Even though in THIS bitches mind, this trip was to get him back from this “robyn” bitch). Anyway, though it sounded like some shade it turned out to be true. But needless to say I spent this V-day alone, nursing my heart reading the “I really really like you” card that he had given me.

Second Valentines Day: We got into some BIG-ASS argument (I can’t truly remember over what exact but it was something regarding my S.O. finding out that I had been still communicating with my ex). So THAT V-day was a disaster as well.

Third V-day which was last year was non-eventful and we just exchanged cards. Soooooo boring. I was actually just glad that we didn’t blow up the spot on that day cause our track record had been horrible……… So, needless to say, I do not look forward to V-day at all.

There is some much needed background here though. Let me tell you a lil about who I am. I am very demonstrative and LOOOOOVE really thinking about and considering and trying to surprise you with something that I know you’ll reeeeeally realllly like or get you something you really like. I will plot, plan and go shopping 5 times just to make sure that your gift is over the top and the bomb, bring it home wrap it in some cool-ass wrapping paper (cause I like to wrap) and present usually not ONE gift but several to you. That’s just how I am. Conversely, I would love it if my man were like that, but he’s not.

Weeeeell, O.K., here’s the real deal. My husband has a complex about getting me shit because of a situation that went down a couple years ago. Like to hear it, here it go*sigh* Confession time…….way back when when we were discussing rings and things and marriage, I’d told my then S.O. that I really liked a certain “setting” and a certain “diamond shape” (i.e. round, princess, emerald, etc.), well…..when I got the ring it wasn’t like the one I wanted and I tried in the NICEST way to let him know that. By I mean, I pondered and contemplated and consternated (yeah I just made that derivative up)on how to say it and how he’d take it and how to be as nice as possible, and I guess it STILL came out FUCKING.WRONG. Because he went

ABSOLUTELY. BALLISTIC

This could only end in tears…his and mine……..

Then to top it off, the things that he’d gotten me in addition to the ring (it was Christmas) I ended up taking 3 of the 4 things back: 2 things due to them flat out NOT fitting (i.e too small) and the other thing (it was a printer with photo printing capabilities) because I am EXTEREMELY “gadget oriented” , and extremely into photography, I wanted the one with the little screen on it because it enables you to not have to hook your camera up to the printer and then go through the computer to print pictures. The one he had purchased didn’t have the little screen and he took my action of wanting to take it back as being ungrateful, selfish and resented it (probably still does to this day). But you see, my husband’s theory on electronics is much like the typical woman’s (i.e. what-the-FUCK-ever…). However in OUR relationship, I AM the one who will go absolutely BANANA’S over a new gadget/electronics!!!!

Additionally, I have alllllllllllllllllways been the “photographer” of our group of friends and truly enjoy it and I LOVE my camera(s)….yes, camera’s plural and recently just bought an $800 digital Nikon D50 so that I can try to hone my love of photography into a real job because I love it sooooo much. Yup, I’m gonna take classes and everything! You’d think knowing my love of this woulda changed his opinion on me wanting to take that printer back though right?? NOPE!!! He still saw it as “what’s the damn difference…..a little screen????? Is THAT enough to spend almost TWICE as much ( $180 as opposed to $99) on a printer….I just don’t see it….you just want it cuz it costs more!”. Well, THAT stank-assed comment started WWIII.


Me: What the FUCK are you saying…..that I’m just superficial and just like shit cuz it “costs” more???? That’s a FUCKED up thing to say!
Him: Yup! That’s what I’m saying…cause there’s only a tiny little screen and it COSTS almost twice as much and THAT is just not worth it !!
Me: But are you looking at the fact that the screen is NOT just a useless added on feature, it REALLY is an important feature to someone like me who prints pictures and uses it and who MIGHT not wanna turn on the computer, load the software et. al JUST to print one fucking picture????



O.K., well….needless to say….. we NEEEEEVER agreed on this one…..I’m sure as a matter of fact that if I were to ask him TODAY , he’s say that he doesn’t see why it’s was a big damn deal…..
So, though he knows I love gadgets and am very into pictures & photography, he was just focused on the fact that he was offended that I took that and damn near everything else HE GOT ME BACK, which to him signaled that he “couldn’t satisfy or pick out things for me”, internalizing it to mean that he felt within himself that he couldn’t satisfy ma/make me happy.

The Christmas gifts coupled with my dissatisfaction with the engagement ring did it. Now, my thing is this: why get mad if you get someone something and they don’t like it??? It’s NOT a reflection on you! And shouldn’t be taken as such. After all, why MAKE someone live with something they simply don’t like. But I have come to find out that men simply don’t think like that. But the problem comes in ,in that I am not like that. If I buy you something and you DON’T like it (which is rare with folks I buy for because I put A LOT of thought into gifts I buy….. because I buy based on what I have OBSERVED their style to be and based on what I am pretty sure they like, but I too am fallible.). But if you don’t like my gift, my theory is BY ALL MEANS take the bitch BACK to the STORE! You have to live with the item, NOT ME! And I wish that men (my husband in particular) saw it that way….. but he doesn’t….. So, since then, him even TRYING to be creative or trying to put ANNNNNNNNNNNNY kinda serious thought into a gift is out the door.

It’s usually like “what do you want for Christmas/birthday/anniversary?” And I’ll give him a list of about 2-3 things and he’ll pretty much pick something. This brings me back to my hating Valentine’s Day. We haven’t had a great V-day’s to date and I was just glad that on this last one, we didn’t fight or argue or blow up some shit! Cause for us Valentine’s Day has equaled “black Monday”.

Also, add to this that my husband, while he wants to please me, isn’t demonstrative like me and I kinda like to have someone go above and beyond for me because that’s what I do for them. I know, I know…… it’s not about that and it’s not about the material things. I guess, in a way, that IS how I show the feelings behind it. It’s the thought and care that I take that is displayed in effort. And I’ve told him that I’d like that type of thing but…it seems like that just isn’t “him”. He takes care of me in other ways though and takes care of our family and for that I am grateful. But sometimes a girl would like to get the balloons and dinner and a “treasure hunt” game hidden in a card or just something creative like some “heart shaped cookies” made for me (or bought), or a small ice-cream cake with my name on it or a weekend planned at a B & B or anything else that takes a bit of “creativity”. And I love my husband, but it “just ain’t him” and I end up being disappointed when I should be grateful that I have a man who loves me enough to get me anything in the first place. And yes, I have told him these feelings, but I think that he is still like “fuck that”…. I ain’t getting MY feelings hurt by getting her the wrong thing again”. But some people aren’t those kind of “demonstrative” people. Nothing wrong with them, but that creative romantic shit just ain’t them…. So then, I end up feeling all conflicted and feel bad about how I’m feeling……**heavy sigh**

See….this is why I don’t like Valentine’s Day……..

Ya'll be good.....

New person

I hate my boss…. Now I know that this is starting off like a number of other posts regarding this woman, but I really can’t stand her. Why do I dislike her now or rather “today”? I think you all remember me telling you about my girl that I used to work with who got fired in November.

Well, we are STILLLLLLLLL looking for her replacement. Now, the reason for this lag time is due to a number of things: Thanksgiving holiday, Christmas holiday, end of the year processes, etc. SO, we didn’t really start even looking through the resumes until we returned from the week-long Christmas/New Year’s break. We have interviewed 6 people and there are 2 final candidates.

Along the path to finding this “right” person for this job, I have been plagued with several thoughts. One, I really wanna tell ANNNYBODY that applies “RUN FOR THE HILLS BITCH, THIS JOB AIN’T NUTHIN BUT DEALING WITH AN IDIOSYNCRATIC, MICROMANAGING, EGOTISTICAL, NEEDY, INSECURE BITCH-OF-A-BOSS!!!!”. But there is no easy or tactful way to say those things. Now there have been 5 black women and 1 hispanic woman that interviewed for the position. That’s not to say that we didn’t WANT to interview a wider base of people, it’s just that the ones who even looked like they qualified were, umm…..black or Hispanic. Period. Or the ones that were white were overqualified. And personally, I just need someone who is mature, skilled, pleasant in personality and who can deal with this bitch without running for the hills.

So, we’re down to the LAST two of the 6 and I really like one and my boss while she likes the one I like, she really likes the other. Why? Well, because the Hispanic broad that she likes speaks Spanish fluently. That’s about, I’d say…..95% of why she’s leaning towards this bitch and I am LIVID! So, Chica girl has some experience, but when she took the aptitude tests, was slooooooooooooooow as hell and seemed to process things slowly mentally. Hey, that’s not a crime, I know, I know….. The reason my boss is acting like this bitch is the holy grail and she just found it is because there are dealings that my division (not my group, HR), but that the DIVISION does with Mexico. She’s trying to make it seem like being fluent in Spanish is just suuuuuuuuuuuch a good thing and that it would be soooooooooooooooo good! Bitch! How often do WE (the HR group) have to deal with someone either #1 in Mexico or #2 who DOESN’T speak Spanish who is in Mexico. Uh, the answer is next to NEVER ! I could see if this bitch would be doing traveling (which she won’t because this position is an Admin. Asst. position…..whoever’s in this position needs to be HERE, because we may be out at any given time). But my boss is acting like this bitch, Chica girl, is the answer to her prayers!

Now, we interviwed the other girl today and I loved her immediately. We’ll call her Sista girl (because she’s a young black woman….not because she has the sista-girl ‘attitude’) Why did I love her? First, she looked professional, neat and well put together. That’s first, because how you present yourself has a WHOOOLE lot to do with how people look at you (Chica girl looked like she had jumped into some old, too small suit and her hair was thrown up in one of those clip-things) Second, she is EXTREMELY articulate (Chica girl is articulate as well, but Sista girl spoke with more determination and she interviewed much better and had more clear and concise answers than Chica girl did). Sista girl has also had more education and more experience with payroll and HR than Chica girl has as well (albeit, neither of them has a degree). And plainly put, I work more with this position on a daily basis than even my boss does really and truly! And me & Sista girl just flat out had more chemistry than me & Chica.

AH HAH! Now we get to the real reason that I KNOW that my stankin ass boss is NOT going to hire Sista girl. You see, she always resented (deep down) the fact that me & my other co-worker developed a great rapport and friendship. She flat-out didn’t like that fact and was for awhile trying to sabbotage the relationship by "suggesting" that I go to lunch with "other managers" and would point out when me & her EVER were away from our desks at the same time,etc. just to be a stank-ass. She eventually gave up on that shit when she saw that after uh.... 2 years that I just was NOT doing stuff her way! You get the picture.

Sista girl is friendly and outgoing and seems to be a better fit with ME in particular (which my boss noted in a positive way, but I think it really had hidden implications)! So, just based on the fact that me & Sista girl would get along sooooooooo much better than me & Chica probably would just based off of initial chemistry is a reason for her to not hire Sista girl. I also feel like if you have it in your mind already that you want Chica girl, don't waste my or Sista girl's time. It's just stupid. You can prove that you did your (fake-ass) due dilligence in terms of trying to find someone, so just do it. Don't lead this girl along. I mean, she talked soooooooooo much to Sista girl today that during the 2 ½ hours that she was here, all we did was ask her about 10-12 questions COMBINED and my boss sat up in here and talked this girls ear off....abotu her husband, hre new house, working for a living, her sick dementia suffering mama and on and on and on and on and on and on.....my boss talked SO much that the girl didn't have time to do the testing that she needed to do, so she has to come back tomorrow at 7am to complete testing that had motormouth not had oral diarrhea, she could've completed TODAY! But like I said, I know that she's not gonna hire Sista girl and I am beside myself with anger about it.

I KNOW this bitch is going to hire Chica, after all “I do have the final decision” as she so tactfully and humbly noted I (i'm being sarcastic as shit if you can't tell...) after she and I were discussing the merits of each candidate. It’s so not fair……. Chica is just O.K. and the kicker in all lof this is that was what we BOTH said immediately following Chica's interview. Now all of a fucking sudden she such the faaaavorite. FUCK that hoe! I am so beside myself and out of my skin on this that I can’t see straight. Because I KNOW that SHE knows that Sista girl is just plain flat out the better candidate for this position AND her “fit” is better within our group. Fuck being bilingual, I have NEVER had a situation in the 4 years that I’ve been here where we’ve even NEEDED to interact with Mexico! She’s just creating a reason to hire this bitch out her bilinguality being a nice “selling point” that this girl has. My husband said “just let it go…..because you know she gon hire Chica girl… you know it! She (my boss) can’t stand that you and Sista would probably get along TOO well and that is a negative for Sista girl”. She simply doesn't want me to befriend anyone. She wants me to keep that chasm between me "the big bad MANAGER" and the "lowly admin person" and I simply don't operate on that type of antiquated caste system. It's so fucking stupid and childish. I can be respected and friendly and get the job done too. People don't HAVE TO fear me to get the job done......that's her way, not mine! She's just so much like a damn 3-year old who get's jealous because her best friend has other friends & she can't handle it. I’m disgusted.

I’m going to sulk now.

Superbowl madness has got me too.....

Yes,yes ya'll....I haven't been ignoring you all, I have just been sooooooooooo busy and by the time I get a moment in the evening to myself, I am exhausted. This is a short week at work, because due to SUPERBOWL XL being held in Detroit (which is where I work) and ESPN and all 3,700 sportscasters/media personnel being camped out in the building I WORK IN, they want our asses OUT after Wednesday. That's right, I CAN'T EVEN COME UP IN THE BUILDING Thurs. & Friday! (WTF??) So, that doesn't mean that I get two free fucking "pick my ass" days,....nooooo...... that just means that they are kicking us out and "you all have to find another location to work out of". Which translates into, "Robyn, go to our Warren office, where there are substandard accomodations and you won't even have a real desk to work off of". *smile* If they are REQUIRING my as to be ghost, then I should have two free fucking VACATION DAYS, NOT be made to find someplace else to fucking work! *loud funky sigh*.

Whatever

Well.....all that means that I am on hyper speed trying to get work done that my boss HAS to review BEFORE we get kicked out on Wednesday eve. So......... I've been working like a Hebrew! As a matter of fact, I SHOULDN'T even be on here right now cuz I SHOULD be typing up this report that I am working on, but c'est la vie.

So..... I'm posting an oldie but goodie post to tide ya'll over. I posted this in August and seeing as though these tenets never go out of style here it is again for ya'll.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For all that know me, you know that I work in a huge facility that has 4 separate buildings that house THOUSANDS of employees. The parking for those employees is broken up amongst several parking garages. The parking garage that I park at is approximately a 10 minute walk away. Hence, there is a shuttle service that picks up and drops off employees to and from the main building. Door to door service! Gotta love it.

For the most part, this is a wonderful service (O.K. here’s where I get picky and bitchy..) BUT there are some exceptions to every rule. The buses are commuter buses, you know the nice white ones that seat between 20-40 people depending on the bus and look like the buses that take you to/from a hotel from the airport or something or the like. Most buses even have music playing of the popular black radio stations (because it's mostly "us" that's driving, that's what radio station is playing). Because the bus route is a quick 2 minutes , buses pull up quite frequently. During my 4 years here, I have noticed some irritating shit that people do that in my opinion SHOULD go int he "what the fuck NOT TO DO section of the “Code of the Parking Structure Bus Rider”.

I shall detail these things below for those who have OBVIOUSLY neva been schooled on appropriate conduct in small spaces:

1.Do NOT blow your fucking nose if someone (especially if MY BLACK ASS) is sitting next to you. Not even if it’s a GODAMN snot-emergency! This fucking morning this funky ass white muthafucka with a cheap suit and some “2 funky brotha’s” cologne proceeds to blow his gahdamn nose while I was sitting RIGHT next to him!! BITCH! I was mad as hell. O.K. first of allI was mad because these seats are NOT made for anyone over a size 8 (women) or over a size 36 waist size (men’s). And even then your ass might feel like a salty sardine! Now I know that there’s a whole yunch oh nasty-ass-mothafuckas in the world, but when did it become O.K. to blow yo’ snot particles (imagine me feeling like I'm sitting in that movie theatre in the movie "Outbreak".....you get the picture) albeit into a rag, that he put BACK INTO HIS bag *disgusted face*, when we’re sitting so close to one another I can hear your gahdamn heart beat?????? Stankin-ass-baturds!!!! And seeing as though , as previously stated, the bus ride is 2 fucking minutes. YOUR ass can wait unless your nose is running and then you can simply wipe, NOT BLOW your gahdamn nose!!!! UUUUUGHHHHHH!!! This is why I am convinced that white people in general do NOT live by the code of cleanliness that black folk do. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some McNasty’s out there in the black community…..but far less than whites. (and they equate US with being dirty...hhhmph! *tooting my nose in the air, lips curled up*).


2.DO not talk on a cell phone in closed spaces or talk quietly!!! Don’t most people know it is rude as fuck to talk LOUDLY on the cell phone when you are in closed spaces (e.g.a bus, an elevator….)?? If you are sitting next to me and we are on a bus, please cut that damn convo. short and tell the muthafucka you’ll call them RIGHT back if you can’t manage to cut that mouth volume down several notches! Just say no and shut the FUCK UP!

3.Do NOT start singing the fucking music that is playing on the bus’ radio station! Now, I told you that the buses have music playing on most of them. You ain’t Rueben, Clay or Fantasia bitch and this AIN’T a Karaoke contest! Now, most of the time the 2 minute bus trip is uneventful and QUIET. Other than people talking in quieter tones to a co-worker, etc. it’s usually quiet even if there is music playing WHYYYYY was I on the bus yesterday morning and this mothafucka was FIRST of all talking loud as HELL on his cell phone (reference rule #2 above) and then his white, janky-looking ass started singing along with Michael Jackson “Don’t stop til you get enough….keep on with the force…..don’t….don’t stop til you get enough” (repeat) I was sitting RIGHT behind this muthafucka and his attempt at being cool was turning out horribly and I sooooooo was tempted to tap or better yet SLAP the shit out of him and let him know that he AIN’T cool and he WASN’T gruuuuvin’ and that we (the masses on the bus) did NOT enjoy his lil stankin-ass impromptu concert was worthy of getting thrown the-fuck-out of ANY Karaoke bar. Sheesh! You’d think he’d have gotten the message after people started to turn and look at his ass! *now remember this is a 2 minute bus ride, 3 at the MOST, so I was relieved of my aural hostage takeover very soon !
Addendum: do you know that when this mu’fucka got off the bus he was all of 4’ 5”???? I shook my head as I looked down at him and thought “This explains EVERYTHING.....*sigh*”

4. If your ass is too WIDE to get down the AISLE of the bus or if the bus tilts to one side when you try to get on it, this means you need to WALK to the building. There is no reason that I and the person next to me should be smashed into the window with our lips pressed against the glass simply because yo’ big ass is “comin thru”!!! And if your ass IS that big, chances are you NEED to walk. Take advantage of this opportunity to commit to this form of exercise. Now, I ain’t no little, petite woman either, but Sumo/Samoan I ain’t. Therefore, I can speak to these issues!

5. Please do NOT sit directly next to me if there are say.... 92 other seats on the damn bus! Why do people do this?? Is it to feel safe? Is it to feel like they are really a part of the human experience? Is it to smell my sexy body? NOOOOOOOOOO!! I am convinced that people who do dumb-ass shit like this do it to simply irritate the FUCK outta me!!! Cause please believe that these 2 seats are really the equivalent of 1 1/2 seats! GET AWAY FROM ME!

6.And if you DO sit next to me and I DO NOT know you (even if I do, unless we're cool like dat) PLEASE , I repeat PLEASE DON'T start inane-ass, languid conversations with me O.K., sometimes idle chatter is O.K., but really & truly my time in teh morning on the bus (yes that 2-3 minutes and the 5 minute walk through the building to my desk)is MY TIME to "get my mind right". And the evening time is my time to get the FUCK outta Dodge and I am like Mario Andretti on a nigga! At 5:00pm (because my bitch ass boss will NOT let a slave nigga leave until EXACTLY 5:00pm) I am flying out the doh'! Eat my dust biatches! So I don't want to talk then either. I am focused on two things: getting my ass to my vehicle and high-tailing it onto the freeway as fast as I can, because literally, minutes lost in pre-freeway time can = traffic jam city! And as I am impatient, that does not bode well with me. The other focus is getting the Zilla from daycare. So, I do not appreciate you droning on and on and on and on and .....you get it. It fucks up my mental! And in addition, it's rude and as IRRITATING as a fly that you just can't kill that continues to light on everything in your house! I don't care about the "nice day" or "my, isn't it hot" or any other stupid "filler-chat" you idle mind comes up with. Save it. One day this woman was going on and on and I was just giving her the nicey-nice smiles and saying "oh, o.k." and " mmm hmmm" and "mmmmm" trying to be nice. But it wasn't until I shot her a "shut the fuck up " look that she finally did just that. See....folks force me to be evil.. I swear they do.

7. If you smell like hot garbage and cabbage, GET’CHO ass OFF and STAY off the Godamn bus until you take a shower! Being in a confined space where it’s hot, because SOME of these buses have NO A/C, is just ridiculously oppressive and unfair to others when you add funk + heat it = straight con-funktion. I work in a building where most of the employees that work here are employed by one of the Big 3. Hence, there are a fair number of people employed that are of either East Indian, Pakistani, Arabic descent since they employ these fuckers like they’re God’s gift to America . People, you know where I’m going with this. Why can stankin, I mean STANKKKKKKKKIN muthafucka’s be allowed to come to work and by the sheer mist of funk that is emanating from ONE person’s body, stink up the WHOLE floor! That’s a shame!! There is no reason that HYGEINE be one of those “cultural preferences” that is accepted in the U.S. !!! I swear, if there was someone on my side of this floor that smelled like that, there’d HAVE to be something done about it!!! It’s no less fair to have a person be told to “tone down” their perfume if it is causing other employee’s to have headaches, nausea, etc. than it would be to ask someone who is STANKIN-ALL-TO-BE-DAMNED to wash their ass. I just don’t get it. WASH.YO.ASS. BITCHES. Them oniony ass nigga’s betta be glad that I don’t have to smell them.

O.K., I’m done....

Stink you very much.

Question for the day:

I was listening to the radio a few days ago and the topic was:

“if you are a single parent and are seeing someone (fairly seriously), should that person be allowed to discipline your children?”

I believe that if you would trust this person in your bed, and your ass, you SHOULD be able to trust them to be a good role model to your children.

Lemme ‘splain that last comment.

I believe that we as women number ONE “give it up”, whatever it may be, to people who are unworthy and are untested as to their character, integrity and their ethical beliefs. Why would you let your children even BE AROUND a suitor who you wouldn’t necessarily trust in your house and why would you let that same person get the ass.

I don’t think that, especially with younger children, that a man or woman should be allowed to discipline (in terms of men in the dating world) your children unless they are damn serious or married. Children’s minds are too precious and too impressionable. And all it takes is a momma that has “uncle squeaky” and “uncle pookie” and “uncle gino” coming over all the time to figure out, them ain’t my uncles. It puts a warped sense of male-female relationships into the universe again and it prepetuates problems that we hear about so often in the black-family dynamic.

I guess, and this is just me, but if I were a single parent, even if I DID fuck a nigga, his ass wouldn't be around my son.....period. I respect my baby just that much. Just my 2 centavos.

what do you think?

Chase that dream

My best friend is a singer. Now, she has never made it big, never had a record deal or ever stood on a stage with Patti, Aretha or Whitney (pre-cracky-ness), but she can blow. Now I do not say that lightly or to brag. She has a beautiful 5-octave range and is a beautiful person through and through. But I did not come to discuss her beauty.

I came because I now understand why she has persevered with her desire to be a singer and what pursuing your dreams really means .

Since I have known her singing is really ALL she’s ever wanted to do. Though she is very intelligent and very proactive, she didn’t really want to pursue her major in college which was journalism. She wanted to sing. She left school subsequently to do just that. She got a gig touring with the now defunct house music group ‘ Inner City’ and after she returned from Europe, she never completed her degree. I have always held a secret anger at her for leaving and not finishing her degree. Why? Because as a black woman n America, I felt that a degree would give her the leverage WHILE she was seeking fame and fortune, to get a small piece o’ the pie. So how has she survived you ask? Well, until she got married, she’d lived with her Mom off and on while holding down a variety of jobs......waitress being the most common of them. She waitressed at a Chilli/Spaghetti joint and most recently at Big Boy. But she never lost hope. Never gave up and never let herself get so down that she did not return to that which she loved. Signing.

Because she would often compare our lives and become disheartened when she didn't have the money to shop (because oh, you had BETTER DAMN believe she is a DIVA in every sense of the word!)and say “but Robyn you can do this, or that, etc.” and I have always thought “well, if your ass went to SCHOOL you could do all those things that those of us in the work world can do too!”. But I never made that statement to her. I know that she would have felt that me, her sister from another mother, along with the rest of the Joe Shmoes just didn’t understand. And to be honest, I didn’t. Not until now. I didn’t understand what kept her going, working menial jobs, while still trying to make demos or still trying to figure out how to make it in that industry. I have never looked at the reason that she did not finish school, did not get a “typical” job and did not give up on her dream. But I see it for what it is now.

Passion.

She has true passion and desire and LOVE for what she is trying to accomplish!!! Not many of us can truly say that we have that in terms of our chosen profession. I damn sure can’t. My profession is a means to an end, not a reason to rise each day. I mean I “kinda like “ it, but she LOVES her chosen profession. She has that . And I honestly can say I wish I did. Now, I know that most of us have not been fortunate enough to have the support to just “follow your dreams” even if those dreams aren’t turning into dollar signs cause errry’body gotta eat But she has been fortunate enough. Shouldn’t life not be about what you do to to get by, but about what makes your heart sing? Should life not be about. Making your dreams come true if you can?

I used to resent her refusal to go into the corporate world because I thought her selfish. Selfish because she and her husband could have so much more if she just had a good job, her mother wouldn’t have had to sacrifice to help her out in addition to taking care of herself. But the one thing I never thought about is that the people who have been supporting her financially have also supported her dreams. And that also is worth it’s weight in gold. She didn’t hold them at gunpoint, she didn’t force them to help. They did it because they BELIEVED in her. She has a husband who , knowing that this was her dream when they MET supports her following her dreams. She will be 35 this year and she JUST enrolled in a dramatic arts school in NYC. How many husbands would support that and how many people would have the courage to go for their dreams in this way. It takes a WHOLE LOT OF SACRIFICE and a HELL OF A LOT of courage to reinvent yourself and keep moving when you have not had doors open up the way that you thought you would have at this point in your life.

So, not instead of privately scoffing at her “chasing a pipe dream” I now admire and envy her for going AFTER her dreams. Isn't that what we tell our kids to do (go after your dreams….you can be anything….blah, blah) but as soon as they do, we admonish, chastise and sometimes belittle their dreams depending on what they are? The real world is a hard place and we do that out of concern and care. I know that. But wouldn’t it be nice if we could ALL just go after what we WANTED to do instead of what we HAVE to do?? Going after your dreams isn’t always easy, but if you can do so, why wouldn’t you want to go after something that makes you happy?

I would.

Religion....or lack thereof.

So there I was, sitting with my 18 month old, Dylan, wondering when would the “right time” be to introduce him to “religion”. I’m sure that many of you who are faithful attendees are saying “the right time?” Well, my story is this: I did not grow up attending church per se (to be exlplained later) though I do want him to be exposed to Christianity. I ‘ve struggled and said “Well, he’s too young now to understand” and I heard the words of my mother in my head…….

“I so wish I had given you the foundation, that I had as a child…going to church and being raised in the church….. sometimes, I think that during the times that you have had challenges it would have made it a little easier for you to get through if you had had that deeply rooted faith….. I feel like I failed you sometimes”. And though I don’t mfeel like my mother failed me in ANY way, I do wonder if I would be into the church like some of my friends are if I had grown up with it. What does scripture say “train up child …..and he shall never depart from it”? Hmmmm…..so I wonder. I am spiritual however and believe wholeheartedly in God. Period. I pray and I talk to God, I ask him for guidance and have faith.

My mother raised me by herself and for whatever reason, we never went to church on Sunday. I now can see just how tired you can be when you are raising a child AND working full time AND being the mommy and the daddy. I do not fault her for NOT taking me and for my NOT being raised in the church. I however, want my child to be as well equipped with a good sense of God earlier than I did. It was not until I was older (in my 20’s) that I even went to church (though still sporadically) more than I did growing up. Me & Mom went to church only on the “special holidays” and then ONLY on some of those.

As a child, I used to be around my grandmother (my mother’s mother) who was a Jehovah’s Witness. I should have gleaned some knowledge of the Bible from her right? Nope. You see, because I didn’t understand what the Bible was, I tuned out all the stuff that passed across my ears, after all I wasn’t being tested on it. My grandmother wasn’t really trying to teach it to me either, because I just happened to be around most of it because she and my granddad were my Mom’s only babysitter’s. I believe that she also knew my mother didn’t really agree with her new choice of religion, so she didn’t force it on me. Anyway, I attended the Kingdom Hall Sunday service numerous times and even went to the 3-day National Congregational Gathering that was held ad the Pontiac Silverdome every summer with my grandma. I went “in service” (going door to door to solicit the publications) with her. I went to peoples homes with her when she would go for bible study and through allllllllllllll of this, I didn’t retain one drop of knowledge. You see, since I was young, I have a knack for OBLITERATING anything I am not interested in, out of my mind. I can tune ANYONE out at ANYTIME and literally wipe it from my memory. And because the language of the bible made no sense to me, when there was reading being done from the bible, I immediately went into “tune out” mode. Heck, I just wanted to be up under my grandma anyway…..I wasn’t paying attention.

With that said, all of the “who so art thou’s” and the “he soeth ever shall’s” and the various other verbiage of the Bible always served to confuse me because I had NO IDEA what it was saying! So, I did what?….. I tuned it out……. I am not proud of it, but it was what it was.

Now, I say all that to say that later in my growth, I went to church with friends or for christenings, etc. and came to understand a little bit more. I will never forget one day I was talking to my best friend Jennifer, who was raised in the church and is a singer by profession. She knows all of the meanings of things and the ins & the outs of church service and protocol. I felt so stupid asking questions that a 5 year old would ask, but I felt that it was time to garner some knowledge. I also knew that Jen would not look at me like I had grown 7 horns and 5 tails just because I was asking these questions. I mean, I asked everything from “what is a consecration?” to “so what happened in the Bible when….” And to be honest with ya’ll there are STILLLLLLL plenty of stories that flat out don’t know or that I am not 100% or even 50% sure of all the details. Some of them are common ones that most people might be appalled to know that I don’t fully know.

Though I have always been less than knowledgeable about the Bible, I have ALWAYS #1 had a belief in GOD and have ALWAYS known the difference between heaven and hell, and have always believed that the devil is real. I pray and I am spiritual. I love God and I want to grow closer to him.

I fear death. I really do. I think that if I had more of an “abiding” faith that I would not fear it so. I know that God does not deal with things people consider tangible. By that I mean, his world is made of faith. I believe in everlasting life, but as a human being and due to my nature, because I cannot SEE IT and can’t TOUCH IT, I have a problem visualizing it. Did you understand what I said. I BELIEVE that it is so, but I have a problem VISUALIZING IT. I guess my faith needs some work.

But then again, I also consider myself faithful. There are some times when I KNOW it was nothing BUT God that saw me through to the next day and out of some funky-assed situations that I have been in. I know that He is the reason I awake every day. But I feel that I still do not have that deeply innate “abiding” faith that I should have.

I just had an interesting talk with Zed about this and I was telling him that though I CHOOSE to introduce Christianity to my child, I do not denigrate any one elses religion. As a matter of fact, I WANT my child to be worldly and well versed and knowledgeable about other religions. After all, I cannot dictate his actions, but for so long. That is why I do want him to learn about Christ and learn the Bible FIRST.

I do not have a church home, nor do I really WANT to go to church MYSELF every week. I want the message, but do not like all of the other extra stuff that takes your weekly church service up to a 2-4 hour visit. I do want Dylan to go though and learn ( yes, I am also contradictory in my desires). Also t here has not been a church that has kept me and “filled me up” that I have found yet. Or rather, there has not been a pastor or reverend, sans ONE (who died several years ago), with whom I felt a connection and whom I felt fed my “spiritual belly”.

I guess I’ll just take it one day at a time and keep the faith *smile*

Now hear Dis.

Just so ya'll know ya girl is da shiznit! (but I guess I ain't too logical) .....but hey, I'm a damn GENIUS...we can't be good at errrrythang! LOL

Your IQ Is 110

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average Your General Knowledge is Genius

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

I stole this little bloggy thingy from Chele


O.K.....on to the post of the day!!

You know, when I was little I got teased allllllllll the time by other people in the neighborhood who said I “talk proper”. I grew up around a good mixture of black and white people and my mother has always had excellent diction and a great vocabulary. My mother did not let me say “gimme” or “I dunno” or “I ain’t” or anything of the like. She also did not let me say “fart”…..it was “pass gas”. She also didn’t use the slang words for body parts. The only thing that was an exception this was “pee” and “poop”. She used those all the time! LOL If there was a word that I did not know, from EARLY on she would say “look it up”. “But ma”, I would say, “I can’t spell it”. “Sound it out” was the response.

I feel that I was given the tools to survive in this “corporate (and mostly white) working world” from day one. And I thank my mother for it.

Interestingly enough, English was always the one subject that I could ace without even TRYING throughout my school years. So, I do know that some of this was natural ability as far as my burgeoning style of diction. It just came naturally. But, kids learn what they hear and what they are around. Now, math….that was a whoooole other funky arena, but if you gave me an essay test or ANYTHING that I had to write, I could bullshit my way outta a paper bag while only having a smattering of facts before me. It worked EVERYTIME. You know how they say that everyone has their own gifts…..well, I guess bullshitting and English were(are) mine! LOL

And it’s funny but when I hear black people who speak in all slang or who “naturally” have a “ghetto twang” to their voice inflections and style, I know that they will be limited in how far they will go (unless they own their own business). It is a hard and true fact that the way you SOUND is typically MORE important than how you look. Case in point. I bet that if you go to an interview slightly shabbily dressed or just not in an “interview worthy” outfit that as long as you SOUND professional, you’d beat out another black person with the SAME credentials, dressed to the professional nines, but who did not enunciate as well and whose diction was not as precise as yours.

The way you sound matters. It supercedes all education, and all of the visual indicators or professionalism.

And though I know the “correct” way to speak, I find myself using more slang when I am around my friends or family. I can “code-switch” between the slang and the corporate-speak at the drop of a dime because my brain initially LEARNED to speak that way. When I see a child who speaks in the “ I own no whut’chu tawkin ‘bout”’s and who has no idea how to speak the way most of the business world speaks, I can’t help but be saddened. Why? Because once your brain “learns” how to pronounce certain words, it’s verrrrry hard to undo. Hence, the reason someone who grew up speaking Spanish will pretty much FOREVER have an “accent” to our American ears. In just that way, even when people who grew up speaking in a slang/black way, it sounds contrived when they try to sound more “proper”. This affects what jobs they will get and potentially where they go in life. All based on something simple as the way you speak. Because it’s a fact that most employers white or otherwise do NOT want someone who sounds “typically” black. Haven’t you noticed that one of the basic criteria found in a job description is “ excellent verbal and written skills”???

I am raising my son and I sometimes find myself using slang around him, and at least right now, I really need to stop it. I do believe that because he is around my husband and I,whose voice quality and pronunciation is typically “proper”, that he will be fine. But I don’t want to take any chances. A black man in America has a hard ENOUGH time getting advantages and moving up. He doesn’t need to have to “think” about how he sounds adding to his things to overcome.

So, I must admit, though I want my son to grow up around an equal number of blacks and whites, if I had to choose, I’d rather him grow up and learn to sound more white than black. Not BE more white than black. There is a difference. My husband and I struggle with how to achieve this. But the good thing is that we’ve still got time and he’s only 18 months. But those seeds of language are growing NOW…. I ain’twon’t be as careless anymore when it comes to the usage of slang around my baby…..time to prepare for the future.

So, here’s my question. I often hear children using a plethora of “slang” and I myself use it. How important is it to you and do you think that how you sound matters?

Rush to work and opinions

This post is a double post really rolled into one so.......


DISCLAIMER: This is a lonnnng post….. so bear with me

I was coming into work today and I was heading toward the escalator as I usually do. There’s always a throng of people trying to beat each other in a rush to get to their respective desks ( it almost seems like some secret million-dollar game where if you have the fastest time from shuttle-to-desk, you win! LOL). The building I work in is a huge building (for those of you in Detroit, I work in the Ren Cen)which has 6 main towers, 4 of which have 39 floors each of which each floor houses approx 130 people. You do the math. The other tower are probably 20 floors or so of equal spacing. This facility also has a 70-something floor Mariott hotel in the middle. So, as you can tell, there are a gazillion people constantly coming and going during the day….especially around the 8:00am hour. Well, we have shuttles that bring us hither and tither from the parking structure as we park a couple blocks away.

And it has aaaaaaaalways amazed me that whites and a lot of blacks alike (but mostly the whites)hit the ground damn near RUNNING, almost knocking folks over once they get off the shuttle just to get to their offices! It’s just how the atmosphere is. It’s amazing. It’s the stupidest display of “I gotta look like I am really interested in getting to this muthafucka at the crack’a dawn’s ass” that I have ever seen! No lie, you can feel a breeze rush past you if you are not damn near trotting alongside most of these early-bird-get’s-the-wormer’s. For me, it just ain’t that deep. Though I am EXTREMELY thankful to have a job with Detroit having the HIGHEST unemployment rate in the entire country, I also know that the damn work will be there when I GET there and there is no reason to bust out the gates to get there.

FLASHBACK:Hmmm….this story reminds me of the time a couple years ago, when my stankin ass boss said that it “seemed” that I don’t have a “SENSE OF URGENCY” because I walk at a NORMAL, but more slowly (than the rest of these irritating, anxious white folks) when I’m on my way, minding and taking care of my fuckin business throughout the day, doing whatever it is, I am doing. Bitch please! The rapidity of my gait has NOTHING to do with my sense of urgency and is in NO MUTHAFUCKING WAY an indicator of such. Dumb-ass-bitch. I just stood there and looked at her, like “bitch, you CAN’T be serious and you’d BETTER now try to use that shit against me in my annual review”.

O.K., I’m back…..

But as I was saying these folks are too funny (actually they are too stupid). But I also attribute this to my “white folks are just plain and simply (for the most part) different than black folks”. Stuff they get their draws in a bunch over, most black folks ain’t trippin on.

Anywho….opinions…… everyone has them right…they’re like assholes. I know. But when is it O.K. for an opinion to be considered offensive? I am not talking about something blatant like

“you are stupid as fuck”
“You look like a fat bastard”
Or even
“Damn, you’s a cock-eyed son-of-a-gun”

I’m speaking of a bit more subtle differences in the way we lead our everyday lives.

Lemme ‘splain…. I have a friend who recently had a baby. She lives one mile from me. I have known here since we were 14. In high school we were always together to the point that if you saw one, you’d pretty much see the other. We were roommates in college for 2 years also, and though we don’t see each other as much, and aren’t technically as close (i.e. we don’t talk every day, and until she had got pregnant, we kinda drifted into talking only every other week or so), she’s still considered by me to be one of my closest friends.

I’d offered to let her use my baby bassinet since I know how it is to have a new baby, be sore as hell, and the baby’s room just seems like sooooo far away at 3am when you as a new momma are wondering “Is his lil ass BREATHING….I can’t HEAR shit on the monitor”. So, I know the invaulableness of a bassinette. But….. I know it’s not for everyone. Pre-baby, she was like “nah…. We’re cool…we’ll just use the crib”. Cool, no problem. The night she got HOME from the hospital with the baby, she calls and is like “uh….. I think I want the bassinette”. Again, cool, no prob.

So, now, it’s 2 ½ months later. She’s done with it and they want to return it. Cool. They wanted to return it the day before we were leaving for Atlanta. She’s like “Yeah, ____ (her husband) has pulled it out from the basement and it’s sitting in the front vestibule as GUARANTEE that we’ll go ahead and get it to you guys *laughter*” Well, I got some kinda nasty-ass food poisoning that left me SICK AS A DYING DOG the 2 days before (which by the way I wasn’t even 1/2-way RIGHT, colon-wise until WELL into my Atl. trip). My girl & her hubby wanted to come on that night. Well, they didn’t call and I was sick, so I wasn’t pressed. So the next day (I wasn’t even thinking about it and I didn’t hear from them and me & my hubby went to sleep early.

We get back from Atl. and she called me and said that they wanted to get the bassinette to us. O.K…… So a day or so passes, we’re chillin and didn’t feel like having company or even talking to anyone.

Hold up. This is where I explain myself….I have always been one who believes that if I don’t feel like talking to you, I am not going to answer the phone. Nothing AGAINST you, but maybe I’m in a bad mood, maybe I’m with my son,maybe I just plain DON’T WANT to be bothered! But I’m NOT going to pick up the phone, have a STANK attitude (because I don’t wanna be on the phone anyway) just to say that at least I answered the phone.

So, to make a long story short, they are like hounding us to bring this damn bassinett back! She’s calling, texting me on my cell, calling my cell, etc over a 2 day period! Me & my husband had gotten into a HUMOUNGOUS fight on New Year’s Day and I just wasn’t in the mood to see ANYONE. And my thing is CAN’T YOU SEE WE JUST DO NOT FEEL LIKE BEING BOTHERED IF I’M NOT CALLING YOU BACK OR ANSWERING THE PHONE?????

So, when I finally do text her back (which the bugaboo-ness was making me REALLY not want to call) I was like,”I know you guys wanted to bring the basinnett, but we just wanted to chill and weren’t up for company(not wanting to detail the fact that I had had drama in my household) so, I’m sorry that we didn’t get a chance to hook up,but if you wanna come over tonight (on 1/3) that’s cool”.

She texts me back “ Ya’ll are a trip…… we didn’t even have to visit, we just wanted to drop the thing off, but tonight’s cool”

So when her and her husband comes over, she proceeds to be like “ You are so trifling…..”. Now, I have been called this before due to my not answering the phone unless I feel like being bothered, and I CAN’T FUCKING STAND IT! My thing is, WHY do I have to entertain conversation and “fake it”if I am not in the mood to appease you???? Yes, I am happy that you have reached out to me, but if I am not in the mood, I am NOT IN THE MOOD. PERIOD. It’s not slight on you! But I have 2 or 3 friends who if I do NOT either 1. answer the phone EVERY time they call or call them back within the day that they called, they call me trifling. That shit grates on my nerves BADLY.

So, then ,my girl, my long-term friend says “well….what if I had needed you…..what do people do when they NEED you?!!!”

I replied “ But you DIDN’T need me.”

She said “But if I HAD needed you, YOU wouldn’t have answered the damn phone!”

I said “BUT.YOU.DIDN’T.NEED.ME……I don’t deal if ‘what-if’s’ if you HAD”VE needed me the messages , which I do listen to, would’ve said something about the fact that you NEED ME….but they didn’t!!! SO what’s your point?!!”

At this point I’m getting super-heated and though me and her have NEVER had ANY type of blow-out, knock-down-drag-out arguments, I could feel a “well, fuck you if that’s the way you feel” coming on.

So, I said “So why was it sooooo urgent to bring the damn thing over???? Why couldn’t you have just waited for me to call you back??? You all actin’ like it was a rotting corpse you nwere trying to get out’cha damn crib!”

She says “Well, we had had it in the car (a Pathfinder) for the past 3 days and had thought ‘oh they’re just around the corner, we’ll SURELY just be able to drop it off’ but ya’ll nigga’s refused to answer the phone”

I said “well that’s YO fault for putting it in the damn car BEFORE you knew MY ASS was ast home to receive it! I mean, was it taking up THAT much space at your (4 bedroom, 2,200 sq. ft) house???”

She says: “That’s not the point Robyn! (sounding irritated as hell) You just trifling and need to answer the damn phone”.

I was just like “whatever…….”

She then says in the most disgusted way she could apparently conjure up “ Well, I tell you what…. I will NEVER put myself in the position to HAVE to depend on you for anything……..”

It took all I had not to say “FINE BITCH !!!”

I said “It’s not that deep ______(her name)”


The end all is that I feel that her opinion of me as “trifling” is wrong. Reason: just because I do not handle the events in my life the same way you do doesn’t make me trifling! Example: Just because a guy may say “ I don’t like to cut my underarm hair” does that make him “trifling”? I don’t think so. Just because I choose not to talk at certain times, doesn’t make me trifling. Often times I call back later that day or the next day. But I’m still trifling.

And I guess I care for the same reason that no one would want to go around with the moniker “LIAR”. It’s pejorative and an O.P.I.N.I.O.N. , but to me it’s not true. The shit just bugs the living heck outta me **seething as I speak**

But I constantly have to deal with these select mu’fucka’s who (like I said) unless I answer EVERY ONE of their calls or call them back post-haste, label me as trifling.

One day, this “trifling” individual is gon curse Erry’ONE of them out..

be e-z...and I'll try to be too

Back to life...back to reality...back from Atl.

Hey good black people,

Happy New Year and all that!!! I am finally back from the Atl. and I was happy to go, but happy to get back too. You know how when you go on vacation, especially those of you with kids, traveling is HELL when they’re little and when you’re not in your own house you can’t “fully” relax. We went to see my mother-in-law and we stayed with her. Wellll…. She smokes….I abhor it…..but the beauty of this was that our quarters were on the lower level of the house. The bad thing was that I wanted to stay down there ALL THE TIME because I Hate smoke (with a capital “H”). My Mom smoked all my life and I vowed that I never would and I have never had the desire, but since I am not around it much, I can’t take too much of it anymore. I probably didn’t spend as much time with my mom-in-law and his grandma as I woulda liked to simply because I really can’t take being around too much smoke anymore.

But anyway, my mom-in-law was sooo happy to see her grandson that it wasn’t even funny! And it was good for them both. My husband , therefore was in total bliss. You see, he struggles with the fact that 99% of his family is in Atlanta and he doesn’t get to see them often at all. His grandmother is older and slightly ailing and he worries, so having evvvvvveryone together was heaven for him. I was just glad that I got to hit some new shopping venues that we don’t have in Detroit! LOL

But all in all it was a good trip. My son got to bond with his cousins (another thing that I hate is that he’s not able to “grow up” with his cousins) and I love that because, I pretty much grew up in a small family ( on my mom’s side) and was not close with my Dad’s side until I was well….grown….in age at least (around 20 or so). So, I loved the fact that he was able to be around his cousins who are 2 ½ and 5 ½.

We got to go out to the movies and see The Chronicles of Narnia. If you ever read and loved the book as a child, go see it…it’s a great movie. We went out to dinner at a favorite restaurant of mine (which we do NOT have here **growl***) the Cheesecake Factory, and all in all got some mommy & daddy free time, which is something we hardly EVER get in Detroit. Though I have family here, them nigga’s have “schedules” and things to do, so it’s hard to coordinate unless it’s ridiculously well in advance. And most times we just don’t roll like that, hence, often times it’s me, hubby and the baby at home. And consequently, we do not get much relief. So, I was LOVIN being in the Atl.!!!! I’m still thinking about a move to GA strictly for this reason!!

On to the topic of the day! I was listening to the radio this morning and the question to the listeners was :

If you think that your man/woman is cheating is it wrong to look through their e-mail, check their voicemail, etc. and how do you feel about it.

I have actually been on both ends of the spectrum, I have been the snooper and the snoopee. And in both situations this holds true: If you’re looking for some shit, you’re gonna find it. Because let’s face it, how many men or women tell their mate ABSOLUTELY everything???? And I am not speaking of deep and dark secrets of lust and desire or embezzlement from your job or the kid you had in Guatemala. I am speaking of everyday shit that you just MIGHT not want them to know, which is harmless to you as an individual, but could piss off your significant other. For example, why does a woman need to detail every man that comes on to her? Why does my husband need to know if an offcolor joke/comment was made to me? For me, with my husband, it would just infuriate him and he’d want to “find that mu’fucka” or know who it was who said what??? Now, I’m not saying that I get hit on all the time or anything like that. Or that I just withhold all kinds of stuff. These are just examples. But I just think that just as when you and your girls or fellas when you and your boys are talking about a significant other and you DAMN sure wouldn’t want them privy to some convo’s between ya’ll, I don’t think that stuff that is harmless to you needs to be open for public examination. Because it would be taken the WRONG way.

Therefore, I do NOT want my husband on my e-mail, listening to my messages,etc. Above and beyond this, I feel that MOST human beings have a need for some privacy (yes, I know that the snooping that I DID was hypocritical as hell!!.....ay….I’m far from perfect). This is MY reason. I was a very private person and NEED to have something that is just “mine” even in the midst of a relationship.

As you can tell I probably have a double standard when it comes to this. I do NOT want my shit snooped upon, but I felt toooooooooootally justified snooping on my ex when I thought he was cheating on me (which by the FUCKING way, he WAS).

Now, one caller said that “You don’t even have to do all that snoopin’ cause in your heart you already know if they’re cheating on you”. To me, this is just plain ig’nant ! The reason: If you just happen to have sum shit twisted, break up with him/her and later find out that you were WRONG, you have done yourself a disservice. I would NEVER break up with someone based on “hearsay bullshit”. Why would you do that to yourself???? Now, If you are the mistrusting type, I guess that’s my answer right there….but, I don’t believe in guilty until innocent.

So….how do you guys feel about this?

be e-z.....

Out to the ATL !!!

Hey everybody!!

I want to wish everyone a very merry Christmas as I am on my way this morning to Atlanta to visit the in-laws :-) with the fam!

I will try to post during the next week, but it might be chancy! LOL

Holla at'chall when I return!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Cookie Monster

For an update on Your Grandmama Ain’t like Mine click here

On to today’s post…….

You know….stupid assed people are EVERYWHERE. My proof of this? Well, today I was walking around my office and saw this HUGE basket of cookies. People typically bring in stuff for the WHOLE office to eat and sit it up front near the receptionists desk---especially this time of the year. And everyonei s welcome to the goodies. People bring in cookies, fudge, cold cuts & cheese, bagels, doughnuts, and other assorted food products of the like.

Well,in our office there are divisions. For example, I work in HR, there’s also finance, investigations, tech support etc. Well, this flighty woman who is 5”0 and petite is the admin. asst. for that group. We’ll call her Molly Doogood. Her daughter used to work up here in our office, but now she has transferred downstairs to a related, but separate entity within our company. Her daughter routinely takes her for granted and though she is nice, she is a dingbat, we-must-follow-evveeeeeeeeeeeeeery-rule-to-the-tee kinda person. For example, one day I asked her to scan a photo that I needed to have placed on disk. She tells me “Umm…… I’m not sure that I will be able to do that…… this printer/scanner isn’t TECHNICALLY supposed to be used to scan anything other than “company” stuff”


**crickets**

DON”T YA’LL KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW that I wanted to slap the holy horseshit outta this bitch and tell her to get a life and that I was going to slap her ass if she didn’t scan this fucking picture?????? There was NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO reason why she couldn’t have done it. Also, and let me say this, I know some of ya’ll are thinking ‘well, Robyn maybe she just doesn’t LIKE you’……. Uh….. no. That bitch is just dingy as fuck that way! I HATE people like her that you have to cajole and convince to do some inane ass bullshit like scan a fucking picture and put it on disk because they operate under some “boyscout honor” type bull!! Oooooh that burns my ass cheeks!!! That’s where whites and black are totally different I believe. A black person TYPICALLY win’t care as long as they #1. ain’t getting in trouble for it or #2. if someone does find out that it can’t be traced back to them. As you might have guessed she’s the white one and I’m the black one! HA HA!!! I mean, was it REALLY necessary to even think TWICE about doing something so small and stupid???? I didn’t think so.

So, this same bitch made some cookies and brought them in. BUT. She placed them in the ‘investigations’ area on top of the cabinet over there. My area is RIGHT next to the investigations area by the way. Now, I guess the cookies were supposed to be for the ‘investigations group’, but being the bitch that I am I saw them and went over there and was like “ OOH cookies!” and went to grab one. One of the investigators that I have a good repore with said “Ay…… you’re not an investigator”. I said “Well, I am today!” as I proceed with my grabbage ( I know….that ain’t a word) of the cookie (singular). I then read the sign (which I hadn’t done previously) and it said something like “For the Investigations Team, Thanks for all your hard work!”. And just so you can have perspective here, there were like 50-60 cookies in this BIG-ASS Tupperware thing and there are like 9 investigators. So I said, “Oh…..is this JUST for the investigators, meaning, can no one else have any”. The guy that I have the good repoire with says “I dunno” with a raised tone at the end of it which sounded ½ joking, ½ not. So, I start thinking to myself “Oh bitches PLEASE…… ya’ll are selfish as hell for just having this big-ass tub o’ cookies over here in the 5th place!”

So, he says , ½ jokingly mind you “ Well, you better ask Molly Doogood if you can” .

**Crickets**

OOOOOOOOOOO. K. you have GOT to be joking right? It was ONNNNNNEfreakin cookie for God’s sake! So, I roll my eyes so hard I'm surprised they didn't pop the hell OUT and ½ jokingly say to Molly Doogood “Molly, can I have a cookie that’s for the investigators?” (Now, I hope ya'll know I ALREADY had a second one in my hand AS I WAS ASKING because from where she sits she can't even see the area where the cookies are). She looks and says “”I guess so….. these are for the investigators though so you might wanna ask them…..” (more eye rollage on my part). Ya’ll don’t know how baaaad I wanted to say “I’m Rick James BITCH” and slap that hoe and walk away.

So I fake-ass laughed and said ‘whatever’ under my breath and walked away mad at MYSELF that I didn’t recall the memory of how STUPID her ass can act about everyday dumb ass shit. But I got another cookie anyway! (WOOO-HOO !!!!!)

Stupid people….let’s shoot them to the center of the sun and be done with it!

Signing off,
Cookie Monster out…..

My Grandmama ain't like yours Pt. Deux/College Finale/My Dad's Death

Expose of the janklies Pt. Deux…..

If you missed the first installment, read this first

Well, boys and girls where did I leave off when last we parted? Oh I was telling you about my Grandmother and her retarded exploits. Well….here we are…2 weeks after her death and on the brink of the “BIG CLEAN UP”. Me, my brother and my sister have to go to my grandmother’s house this Sunday to "clean up" her apt. but wait……. I’m getting ahead of myself….let me backtrack….*insert wavy memory lines here*

Now, when my father was dying, I was in my LAST semester at Michigan State University , which was the last of my 5+ year “bachelor’s program”. Little bit of explanation on that one. When I went to college, I had big ole dreams of being a doctor. So, I enrolled in the residential college( a separate college within the university) along with my roomie Traci and set out taking chemistry, calculus, physics, biology , some other “ology’s” and all that jazz. Well…. I’d say about 2 goooooooooood years into it, I decided that the doctor thing just flat-out WUDN’T gon happen. So, I was left with a bunch of classes that did not apply to ANY OTHER major that I wanted (really) and I had to “find” something to major in. This is why once I picked another major, I had to take MORE classes and honestly, I had to repeat a FEW that I got a straight up 0.0 in. *hanging head in shame*

Anywho…..I had JUST started my LAST semester when my father was diagnosed with stomach cancer. He was scheduled for surgery and had the surgery as my semester progressed. Though me & my father had a kinda tenuous relationship (see this post if you’d like the story behind the blog on this …….) I felt bad because I was NOT going to “postpone” my graduation, as it was I was going to graduate at fuckin grand total of 5 ½ years. I was NOT going to make it another semester and go for an even 6. Hell-ous no-us ! I even took 5 classes (alot for me because at this point there was nothing I wanted to see LESS than MORE work, but I wanted to graduate, so there ya have it). My father’s surgery to remove his stomach, his and part of his small intestines (and rebuild him a stomach) was successful. He was at home recuping and my brother and my sister checked on him daily. So….. I was in school working towards graduation and my then boyfriend Dave (who was at Howard Univ. working on his MS degree) called me. He was like “how’s your Dad?” I said “I think he’s on the mend, the doctors need him to heal some more before they start chemo.” He asked me “So why don’t you think about moving here and going to Grad School?” I was like “really?” He was like “yeah, I’d love to have you with me.” Maaan, my heart was doing the biggest flip-flops in the world. I think that if I’da jumped out that window at that very moment, I WOULD have flown! LOL

Anyway, I made plans to go to D.C. in January, in silence. After all, I had originally wanted to go to Howard straight outta high school, but my mother made it VERY clear that at MOST, she could pay for ONE year, if I didn’t get financial aid. And as ya'll thst went to an HBCU know, it COULD be a crap-shoot if you get fin. aid or not if your parents make over 5 cents an hour. I then decided to go to MSU because I could get in school tuition and I liked (at the time) the program I thought I wanted to be in.

Now, whenever I came home to visit my Dad, my grandmother was always cussing and fussing about my father’s ex-(so we thought at the time)wife. It turns out that he and the woman, Viola, whom I always thought he was married to, was only a fake-wife. They never married because seeing as though she AND my father were a couple of greedy asses, her sizeable pention from her dead husband would have ceased if she had remarried, soooo….they never tied the knot, so as to keep the cash flow...flowin. She regularly visited my father and sometimes spent the night to keep him company and to keep his spirits up through his arduous and painful recovery. My grandmother HATED her and I believe it was because of the fact that she “took her baby’s attention” away from her selfish ass. So, EEEEVEN though Vi was there for my FATHER’S COMFORT, my grandmother ROUTINELY called her everything BUT a child of God when she happened to come up to the hospital and Vi was there.

My father eventually went home and though he could not eat orally (because his ‘new stomach’ was still healing) he had a tube that went directly into his stomach. Well, waaaay before I had come to live with him, my Dad, had taken in a roommate, Johnny. He & Johnny were old friends and Johny had actually lived with him for a bried stint after he & my Mom divorced in the early 70’s too. So, when he went home, Johnny was there and helped take care of him, though my Dad could get up, go to the bathroom,etc by himself, Johnny still helped him bathe and delicate things of that nature.

Graduation was fast approaching, but I then got word that my father wasn’t doing well……he wasn’t gaining weight and he was just very tired all the time. He went for a dr’s appt. against his will. He didn’t want to go because he was trying to hold out and attend my graduation. His symptoms became too much for him….the day before my graduation. He was indeed put back in the hospital. They operated on him again and discovered that the cancer had spread waaaaay too extensively and had metastasized to his pancreas, spleen, gallbladder and more of his intestines. It was too severe. He was given a few months to live. It was December 10, 1993. I felt sooo very bad because I know that though my Dad and I weren’t ace-boons, he was proud of me and he was my Dad. He fussed at me in private, but according to all, he praised me in public. I could never figure him out that way……. But I knew he was proudest of all because I was the first on his side of the family to graduate from college. So, I know it hurt him to NOT be able to be there. And that hurt me too.

When I returned from school, moved all my stuff home and everything, it was right before x-mas and it was solemn. No ornamental tree, no wreaths, just cigarette smoke and a dusty, lonely house. I was happy that my boyfriend was home, because I needed the support. Going to see my father, who was now a hospice patient, was never easy. He was evil and scowling most of the time (which I can't blame him) and other times he was just plain mad at the entire world, loking like he could slap the horse shit outta ANYONE at any given time. He was far from pleasant to be around. Viola eventually “moved in” to the room my father had, so to speak. The hospital placed a cot in his room and there she slept. Every. Night. She also spent every day there. Though they had been broken up for at LEAST 7-8 years, she still loved him and I have always said this and I will say it again, Viola will surely be blessed for the kindness and love she showed my Dad. It was the end of December. I was planning to move to D.C. shortly and I hadn’t told anyone.

I think that in retrospect, my wanting to move was my way of dealing-by-not-dealing with the fact that my father was dying.

To be continued………

I tolerate things.......

O.K., since I was tagged by Zed, I figure, I will go on & do this dang thang So here goes:

Things I have not changed because I have tolerated

*I like porn….it’s not very ladylike, but it is what it is….. I used to hide it, but, eh…FUCK IT (hee hee, no pun intended)

*I like to shop…..for something…..every.weekend. It's part of what me & my husband fight about most. But it’s my release. It is what it is.

*The fact that I don’t like to listen to my disco with “non-appreciators” of the genre and it’s versatility.

*My severe hatred for cleaning the bathroom

*The fact that I can often be lazy if left to my own devices
*That I am a horrrrrible procrastinator. I like this quote:

TOP TEN REASONS I PROCRASTINATE:
1.

*That I don’t like authority….and probably never will

*That I have horrrrrible road-rage. No, I mean, like if there is a person who hesitates for 2-3 seconds at a light, I am in my car calling them all kinds of “dumb-asses” and “slow mu-fucka’s”. I think I MUST believe that I own the road or sumthin’

*My increased %age of body fat ** grrrrr**. I need to work out.

Sooooo..... since I've been tagged, I shant do the same to other folks. Oh wait....unless you're the first THREE to comment. If that's you, consider yourself tagged!!!

Be e-z,
r.

My Grand-mama ain't like yours......pt.1

My grand-ma-ma.

She passed the day after Thanksgiving. This was my father’s mother. Thank you, thank you, thank you (being said in response to the “awwwww….I’m so sorry to hear that” ‘s, but I wasn’t close with her. I wasn’t even remotely fond of her.) It’s a shame really. So, sit back and listen as I unravel my tale. As Zed told me, this needs to be a 3 –4 part series, so henceforth this shall be called:

“My Grandmama ain’t like yours”

I have been off since last Tuesday, the Tuesday after she died to be exact. I got a call from my niece Cher (my older, ½ brother’s daughter, with whom I share paternal bloodlines) on Saturday morning telling me that she had passed the night before). “how?” , “when?”, “what did she die of?” were amongst the first questions to part from my lips. I had many feelings, but the greatest of them was a great bit of nothingness. I had not seen or talked to my grandmother about 10 years.

My niece went on to tell me that the guy that has lived in the 4-family flat (he’s around 45 years old now) and who she had practically looked after so to speak for, forever, had been with her when she died. Come to find out later, she died of a massive heart attack in his girlfriend’s arms. I didn’t feel sad. I felt sorry. Sorry for all the years that could’ve been spent together, rather than apart. But that was the past now. I didn’t cry and have yet to shed a tear, because it’s hard to cry for someone who acted like you didn’t matter for years and who didn’t ever have anything good to say to you.

You see my grandmother and I have never been close. I have always had a difficult and terse relationship with her. I have never felt, nor has she ever been like a “grandmother” to me or my siblings. Her motto: “Don’t come over to my house until you can got to the store and buy me some licka (liquor)”. She was the type of person to dog you, talk about you being too black, (yes, she had a color-complex), too fat, too whatever. If she sees a flaw, she’ll pick it out and dissect it…..right. in. front. of. you. Hmmmmmmm……..sounds like the perfect grandmother to me!

This distance between us was heightened when my father died in 1994. My grandmother was (per my father, brother and sister) NEVER a mother to my father. She had him when she was 16 you see. She was too busy trying to be cute and not have the responsibility of taking care of a child. She ended up having another child after my father. It too was another boy who ended up dying at the age of 7 from stepping on something sharp and rusty and contracting lockjaw. No one knew until it was too late and since we’re talking about the mid-late 30’s, medical help was not what it is now. Though my father always dealt with his mother with a hint of irritation (mainly because at least when I was living there she would call at LEAST 5-7 times a day for N.O.T.H.I.N.G), nevertheless, he did things for her, checked up on her, paid bills for her, ran errands for her and owned the 4-family flat that she lived in which she never had to pay to live in. My father was very good with his hands so whenever things would break or painting needed to be done or a water heater needed to be installed, he always did it. So, the money she earned as a sales person at B.Siegel department store was hers scott-free to run her numbers with.

When I lived with my father for my senior year in high school, because my mom moved to Florida that September, she would call connnnnnstantly and I would talk to her, though I felt NO closeness whatsoever. Prior to moving with my Dad, I had only seen her on holidays or on occasions when my Dad had a cookout and my Mom would bring me over so that I could be around the “other side” of my family. So, here I was a 17 year old and I LITERALLY had never spent a night or even a day with her because “she didn’t do kids”…..HELL, she didn’t raise her own! And she let people know in NO uncertain terms! So, I always felt “weird” and awkward around her. Add to this, she didn’t have a “friendly” or “welcoming” disposition. She was a surly, cursing, fussing about EV-ERY-THANG type of woman. And that was daily. That was just her disposition. But because I was a shy girl (when I was younger that is), all the loud talking and cursing made me uneasy because for as long as I can remember, when I was at home with Mommy, it was just she and I and it was peaceful and quiet. My mother was and is very calm, fairly quiet and slightly reserved. My mother never cursed at me and BARELY cursed around me. If my mother said the word “SHIT”, I would get scared cause I knew it was just that…some “SHIT” for her to utter those words. My mother is a nurturer and a healer by nature and profession (she’s a nurse), and she never stopped me from being around my “Dad’s side” but she never over-encouraged it either. You see, I don’t think that she wanted any of their “loud, obnoxious, trifling, hard-life-living” ways to rub off on me. She was set on protecting me and making sure that I respected my elders, knew right from wrong and grew up to be a lady in every sense of the word and since she was pretty much raising me by herself (cause my father was an alcoholic and SCARCELY could be counted on) she was gong to make DAMN –SURE I was given as much protection as she could provide.

She always made sure I went to see my grandmother and provided gifts and such for she and my father on the appropriate days. My grandmother just never seemed to take a “real interest” in being a “grandmother”. And as I know now, there are just those kinda people who are like that and that’s just the way the cookie crumbles(pun intended…..my grandmother’s nickname was “Cookie”, and everyone called her “Cookie”. Even to me she was known as “Grandma Cookie”).

So, when I received the call, I started to have a regretful feeling that I had not “seen her” since forever and that it was a shame that she had died without her family around her……then I remembered how she acted when my father was dying…….

….to be continued