Reality or fiction?

People, I LOVE reality TV..... from Real World to The Biggest Loser to Extreme Home Makeover to College Hill to Run's House to Supernanny to Wife Swap to The Great Race to Being Bobby Brown to I Love NY/Flavor of Love/Charm Schol to Life with the Christies (which I only saw ONE episode because I can't get the damn channel on my cable that it comes on ....grrrrrr)...I LOVE THEM ALL!!!!

I think that it is something about (alot of) us that makes us watch. It's like we are voyeurs into a world which we would never be allowed into otherwise. It gives us a glimpse into people characters and allows us to zone out. It makes celebs more real and lets us know that the things we do are NOT so out there azfter all or that we are waaaaay more grounded than we ever thought! LOL It's fabulous!!! Now... My husband would just say "naw....it ain't NONE of that...you just NOSEY!" And maybe I am.... I am a voyeur by nature. I could go to the mall and just sit there (if no one could see me) and look at and critique the folks that walk by. Hell, I KNOW someone is critiqing ME!!! So, why not get my critique on???? LOL

There are some good ones coming out soon and here is one. It'll be on VH1.....I will have to find out when it's gon be on.... I can't wait! LOL

Enjoy!!

Off to see the wizard....

So... you all know I work in HR, right? Well, here's my dilemna.... I do not always "want" to "follow the rules". I am really a person who thinks that at certain times, rules SHOULD be broken! I am not a "goody-goody" kind of person either. This is kinda anti-thetical to I guess what you could call "the code of the HR person". I have written about this before because it is constantly being tested.

I likened it to being the person who has seen what is behind the wizards cloak from The Wizard of Oz and just like in the movie, it ain't that great.



We in HR are looked to to be the "shining examples" of "rightness" and that is what MOST HR muthafucka's purport to be. But rest assured, they got shit in they draws JUUUUUST like you do ! LOL Lookie here....I am just a person and I am NOT exempt from being pissed, and not in agreeance with management and NOT wanting to follow every rule to the letter. I am NOT the damn role model for everyone. I am just a person, an employee, juuuust like ya'll truth be told.

This dichotomy. It really does vex me to my SOUL...for real!

I guess it has to do with my having seen what's behind that damn wizards cloak that I've seen. HR people are some of the MOST horrible violators of what "should be done". I have seen people get $20K raises when others are being laid off, I have seen others not get a $2K raise (that was justified by the work she was doing) and it be justified on BULLSHIT, and in general, I have seen people FIRED because of the fact that they were not "nice enough" (notice: I didn't say he did ANYTHING wrong or was rude or inappropriate) and did not look the other WAY with a BIG WIGS wife when she tried to violate site policy...WTF??? Squo???? Word. Tthat's some BULLSHIT. And in general,I have seen that if you are white, in America, just about every fucking rule can and WILL be broken for yo ass if need be.

I say all that to say that I do like being in HR, because I do think that rules & policy is necessary, but when these "supervisors" get all "holier than thou" I wanna bust em in their fuckin' jaw! Because it is a buncha SHIT!

I'm the kinda bitch that if I really trusted you, I would let you take a sick day and if you were all out, I may not "record" it. I would probably ONLY do it for a black person that I trusted however and woukd STRAIGHT UP deny and disavow the agreement if it came out....."what are you talking about".....they do it.... why can't I? The shit I have seen white folks get away with is sickening and it makes me cynical of them ALL (and some black folks too) at work.

But how does this affect me at work? It makes me not care about what people do if I can get away with it sometimes. Depending onn what it is and who knows about it...I really DO NOT CARE! The truth is, this job doesn't care about ME except for in the " how can yo BLACK ASS help me toward my next BILLION dollars" kinda way. ANd it's not just THIS company, it's all of them. The older that I have gotten, the less respect I have had for MOST companies in general because I know that I am expendable and if you think that YOU are not too, you are fooling ya'self son.

Just my .02 cents

Good Life

I am addicted to Kanye's new song "Good Life"....it has a sample of Michael Jackson's "Pretty Young Thing" and it is rockin!!! I actually like him anyway, so I figured his new album would be good (let's not talk about the temper tantrum at the awards though.....LOL)

Anyway, as far as the job goes, I woke up with this stress-tension pain going across my shoulder blades. No doubt a result of my inability to not ba a tense person. My husband rubbed my neck some and it feels a little better, but it's still there. I feel like I need some Icy Hot or something! **sigh**

But in light of all that I am complaining about, I think it is fitting to tell you all the things that I DO like:

* Getting up in the a.m. (or p.m. or whenever) and being able to walk, talk, see and hold my little one.

* I am thankful for being "relatively" healthy(need to stillllllllll lose some weight) but I am thakful for my health

* My new car. I REALLY love my new car. Cars are a BIG deal to me because I feel that I want to feel a certain way and have a certain level of comfort when I have to be in this thing EVERY.DAY, twice a day or more. Now.... I will not mortgage my HOUSE to pay for a car, but I want it to be nice and have toys and bells and whistles in it. So, with that said, my new car doesn't have ALL the bells and whistles, btu it has enough and it has plenty! I know lots of people (my mother for one) feel that a car is "a way from A to B" and that is fine. But please do not dog me because I like to do a bit'o "stylin" in my car. I feel like my car NEEDS to be an extension of my taste and self. (i know this is a long explanation on the whole car subject, but I really do love my car and it makes me HAPPY everytime I get into it!)

* My Son.I love to see my son smile and hear him tell me "mommy , I know that because I am a smart kid". I just laugh and PROMPTLY tell him "uh... you aren't THAT smart buddy" **all the wile thinking "yeah, you are a bright kid , but i don't want you to get ANY KIND of big head at the damn age of 3!"LOL.... He has had too many people telling him that and while it is good to think that you are smart and build self-esteem, I also do not want him to EVER be too arrogant! Ya know what I mean??? Anyway.... I was allllll off the topic! LOL

* Good times with Good friends. There is nothing like having a good times and having good laughs! It is essential! **note to self: schedule a date for me, Diva and TS to go out**

* Good Music. Music makes me happy if I love it.... it can be absolutely mood changing. That's why you will find me banging my music in my car OFTEN. I love music!

* Vacations. I (as I am sure everyone does) love the feeling you have when you are on vacation. I, unfortunately, have not HAD one (let me quantify this.... I mean one where you are not visiting parents or in-laws or sitting in your house for a week) in far too long. I need a real week-long, carribean get away. For real. They are great!

* Getting my hair done There is NOTHING like the feeling when I get my hair (and nails for that matter) done. I feel polished and together when they are right :-) I know Diva feels me!

And most of all, I love being happy, just genuainely happy :-)

Later ya'll and may you have a happy wonderful day!!!

another day another dolla.....

Well... the stuff just doesn't get better.... LOL

All I CAN do is laugh at this point, because I want to scream!!!! Basically.... I have now had my desk moved for the THIRD time in the 9 months that I have been here. I hate change. I want to be someplace and just be. I HATE all of this musical fucking desks. I was JUST getting used to the (albeit bad locale) of the 3rd desk that I was at. I am now in a fuckign OFFICE with 2 other people!!!! I am the SAME situation that I detailed to TS that I said I would DIE if I was in!!!! I am segregated and before though I shared an OPEN-ASS-CUBE with two other people it is WORSE in an office!!! There is no other sound to distract others from YOUR business and being all up in it and because I am no MORE than 5 ft. from the woman (who is like a flighty little grandma type....nice enough) next to me, it will be IMPOSSIBLE for her to NOT hear me if 1. I am conducting business, 2. talking to my husband 3. calling the dr.

I HAVE LESS PRIVACY than I did BEFORE and BEFORE I had virtually NO PRIVACY!!! Being ini this office will do NOTHING be magnify all sounds!!! I can't play no music (I am sure these two white chick, one is young...like 28 or so and grandma) because I am SURE they do not want to hear my "urban" music!!!! And no, I cannot wear headphones all day. I have too much "phone interaction" that I have to have.

So, this morning the NB (New boss or New bitch...take your pick) sends me this "special project" as the e-mail indicated. WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY was it a LIST of fucking people that quit, got terminated, left for school reason,etc. and these micro-crazy people want to know more abotu "why" they left so she wanted ME to callllllllllllllllll alllllllllllllllllllllllll of these fucking people to do exit interviews on them ........

TODAY!!!!!!!!!! WTF?????

I sent her a message to clarify and have since gotten it widdled down to about 35 people, but guess what? She also wants me to ask them TEN QUESTIONS a piece!!!! WTF!!!! Then I ALSO have other people calling me and other things to do. These people apparently think that I can do 10 things at once. I do not operate well in conditions like that. I guess I betta learn though huh. Either that or have NO JOB!!!!

LOL

All I can do is laugh...... I am irritated al-fucking-ready!

frustrated

* I was offered the "lower", JUNIOR position on the team for whom I have been working.

* I am glad to still have a job

*I am LIVID FUCKING ANGRY AND PISSED that my pay was CUT due to this change by $8,000 a year. I was told that this is because the "position" dictates the salary....not the person's experience and that they are "now" (see: since they have had their asses chopped in half by the market conditions, they will be cheaper with people). Soooo basically FUCK my 11 years experience that I have in HR..... (this will make a total of $15,000 that my salary was decreased by since last year at this time....I don't need this shit and am therefore looking for another job..... who can afford to have THAT Much cut out of their salaries???????!!!!)

*Some people I work with(as said by my boss) "may have to take as much as a $20,000 job, so my situation ($8K less)" and apparently the bitch acted like I was going to do a real happy dance????? WTF???

* I was told (by my old boss ...who is a young black chick....try 27 years old) that:

1.I may get to get to a "real" position instead of a "junior" position in this team, but that I (to the new leader) have seemed "unengaged" with the new team, but that in my defense she told the new leader (also a BLACK WOMAN who is in her late 40's) that she has seen that in alot of other people who have been displaced and in "temporary" roles and given the uncertainty of our jobs that seeming "unengaged" was not atypical. (well la-di-fucking-da..... ya THINK???? Why would I be "completely engaged" into a job that I didn't know if I had a SOLID chance of staying at???? There was no way I was going to go in like gangbusters and put alllll my sweat equity into something that I MIGHT have been leaving!!! I am like has this bitch (the new boss) ever been through this shit or have a shred of understanding of all of the EMOTIONAL changes and shit that a person goes through at a time like this????? A-fucking-parently NOT!!!

2. I was told that apparently I have been having too many "converstations" with my old team members (2 of them that were still right around the corner from where I sit) and that it's "noticeable".... Well, again.... I needed someone to talk to other than the dry ass people on this team (who I have NO relationshipt with because they just are..... weird...at least the ones I sit near) and so that's a problem apparently, too.)

3.I can "make or break it" meaning, that this position has the "potential" to turn-into a "real position" and not stay a "Jr." one but they want to see that I can "step up" and really get involved because that hasn't been seen as of yet.

4. The new boss apparently saw fit to tell my old boss about a situation that , by all accounts, was simply a LACK OF COMMUNICATION from this *new* leader/team about when some things needed to be entered into the computer by so that some reports could be run. Because of the fact that they have basically not GIVEN me anything except for bullshit-ass BUSY work to do.... and no timeframe was given, I just kept plugging away as I had time between doing time sensitive reports which have to be done within 48-hrs of me receiving them AND helping the chick that I sit next to, who is always sending out emails saying "can someone help me today.... I am over my 40 hrs" (since they are not allowing o.t. since this crackdown). It was a simple misunderstanding, but this bitch WOMAN decided to for SOME fucking reason tell my OLD boss about it even AFTER she and I had talked about it. That tells me that she is petty. That kinda of bullshit burns me up....it wasn't the 10th time that had happened and I had NOT been in the team long enough to know about typical deadlines,etc. and it ESPECIALLY pisses me of since she's BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

So......how do you think my attitude is?

I just need to find another job and I THANK GOD that I have one that pays more than unemployment while I do so! the only thing that makes me hesistant is that this company has alot of good training/continuing training for it's employees that I feel I could benefit from. But I feel like I don't have TIME for all that. Having $8,000 cut from my salary is literally CRITICAL to me living the way that I have. I BARELY had any money left over for shit BEFORE (since I had already taken a $7,000 cut in salary!!!!) I can't stay here for 6 months...or a year to "see" if I can move up and get a better salary! I need that money NOW. PERIOD.

So..... the search begins...again..... with a shit-lovin' smile on my face every.day I am up in there.

*I feel completely down right now and unmotivated.

Why.......

….does my hair grow faster now than when it was long?
….do I feel sad because I don’t know if I will ever have another child?
….does this overweight, black, pregnant chick at work look a HOT ASS MESS annnnnnnnnnnnnd why did I see her the other day with a sleeveless shirt on and she had HAIR UNDER HER ARMS????????????????? This is an educated black woman and she is walking around looking like “boom-shaka” !!!!
….am I gonna tell her she need to CUT that pit-hair the NEXT time she has it exposed!!!!!
….has Boss Diva completely alienated herself from the people under her because she obviously doesn’t know how to handle situations like this?
….do cars seem to go slower, side-by –side when you want to get around them????
….do you become the parent to your parents at a certain point in your life?
….do I have to put perm on my hair (the short faded part)every other week just to keep ME from looking like “bushwick”???? **sigh**
….is unemployment too high here in Michigan??
….couldn’t I have won that $314 MILLLLLLION dollars ??
....are people grudge-holding, spiteful and vengeful ?? One day they will wake up alone and angry at themselves…or just die that way….miserable…..
….didn’t I travel more when I was younger?
….didn't I know THEN what I know NOW (inside joke with DIVA…LOL)
…. Do I have to go to this stupid meeting in an hour and I don’t even KNOW if I am about to be booted from this dept.
….do I haaaaaaaaaaaaaate change?
….people with HORRID breath want to get ALL .IN. YOUR. FACE?????
….at work, do I feel everyone know’s some “secret” that I am not being told nowadays?
….do people like assholes?
….do I wonder what it’s like on the “other side” (i.e. death)?
….does dirt seem to gravitate towards my black car?
….why do I write on this thing cause I swear no one reads it…..

not again

well... as my worst fears suspected, the meeting was to be worse than I expected. **sigh**

basically, in reading my previous posts you know that my position as a Recruiter has ben "temporarily" paused for lack of a better word due to some changes that have gone on in the industry that I work in. All of the recruiters were placed elsewhere in the company in an effort not to layoff people until the market comes back.

Well, apparently the senior "leadership" (and I use that term VERY frickin loosely), has decided that a change needs to be made and that those who were displaced cannot stay in limbo forever.

Now, I, who had gone to another part of HR was told that basically if you decide to stay in this "new" position that your salary will be adjusted accordingly. That was cool because in talking with the director of this group (who is a 47-50'ish) faily cool black woman, I would be taking on a role like the others in that group and I KNOW (because I have access to folks salaries) that they made MORE than what I was making! So, if I decided to say COOOOOOOL!!!! :-)

Well, on Wednesday I was now told that they do NOT HAVE A PERMANENT POSITION WHERE I CURRENTLY AM and that "we are trying to identify other positions in the company...... here are two positions that were relatively-close in salary".

that shit hit me like a ton of bricks. I never thought that I would have to go ELSEWHERE in the company and that it would be out of HR, out of what I have done for a majority of my adult life (the last 12 years)!

Fear immediately set ina dn I felt a twinge of anguish shoot up my back and into my stomach as I waited for the next words..... "One position is in _____ and the salary is something like ______"...... also "there is another position that is working with _____ and the salary is ____ PLUS commission". WTF?????

I can't work a commissiony/sale-sy position!!!! HELL NO!!!And to top it off the BASE is $15,0000 LESS than what I make right NOW!!!! I cannot AFFORD a $15,000 drop in salary! And the other position ranges from $15,000-20,000 LESS than what I make now! How in the FUCK do they think this is comparable! Why was I told (again) something that was reneged on???????I am beginning to not believe all of the HYPE that was infused into my and every other new employee's brains. It all seems like a farce to me at this point

I was numb. Too numb to cry, too numb to do anything but keep chewing my gum and keep looking forward.....just keep looking forward..... keep looking ....

As I left the meeting my co-worker that I used to sit next to , had a meeting with my boss and went in to have his head chopped. Immediately after him, our other co-worker went into have her head chopped. I went to go to the bathroom and saw the two of them in the hall. My boy (who is black and is the ex-brother-in-law of one of my good friends) looked at me with the shock of someone who had seen a dead body laying next to him or something and was like "We need to talk...". I said "no we don;t". He said "We need to talk". I said "No we don't". He said "didn't you just have a meting with Boss Diva?" ...."yup"...... "well....we need to talk". I said "no we need to PRAY. That stopped him and me and he just nodded and we both half laughed and said "yeah.... you are right". I was beginning to unravel. This felt like what I JUST.FRICKIN.WENT.THROUGH not 8 months ago1 I went back to my desk. It was now 4:40. I had several things to do before I left and I was not sure if I was going to make it because I could feel the tears coming.....

I went and got my son and went home. I am so glad my mom is here still because I do not think I could've made it that night alone. My husband is working VERY long hours because he is entrenched in contract negotiations for the UAW, so I KNEW he COULD NOT be home to make me feel better. I pretty much cried all night. I couldn't sleep and am still scared. It is good that if I have to, I will probably have something, which is better than nothing. I will definitely be looking though.

My girls DIVA and TOO SERIOUS immediately started to help me look for new positions. I love them and am blessed to have them :-)I am trying to have faith , but it is hard because I know that I have to just get out there and find something and that ain't easy. Michigan's economy is bad. But I guess if I just let it go, God will make a way.... he always does. I am just scared....again.......

So say a prayer for ya girl.... I am trying not to worry and to just let go and let God.... I really am....

Positioning

I think I wrote about all the changes at my job.....if you didn't read it, basically because there are alot of changes going on in the market that we are in, the decision was reached that NO recruiters (that's me)were needed becaused there was NO recruiting going on.

So, since August 1 or so, I have been in this "other" department in HR...the Employee Relations dept (the dept that deals with write-ups, disciplines, counselings, training....e.e. all the fucked up problems). But since I have been here alllllllllllllllllllllll I have been doing is bullshit ass "clerical/admin" work! Basically DATA entry! Now.... because this position is supposed to be "temporary" until the market comes back (and who knows when that will be), I am not an official part of this team.

So, I have not been doing the function of a "real" employee relations specialist. Cool... whatever.... but not really. I am tired of data entry. Sooooo today I get a request from my "recruiting" leader to "meet today at 4:00-4:30 to discuss the Recruiting Team updates".

So, I am thinking that since this was a "team" update that the "team" is on the invite list. nope. I call my girl who is on our "recruiting team" and she has no idea what I am talking about. WTF????

So, I am assuming that my leaded, Boss Diva, is about to tell me that they will NOT be bringing my position back and that I need to make a decision to stay in this NEW position PERMANENTLY or else. I am not happy about this. My husband thinks this is good because if I am made to be a "real" employee relations specialist it SHOULD mean more money because that position pays higher than most recruiters. Here's the problem though..... this company has shut DOWN excess spending and I have a feeling that they will be trying to NOT increase my pay and nickel and dime me and if I ACCEPT IT, I will NEVER get to the salary level that my husband is so "anticipatorily excited" about. Because once you accept LESS.... they know you can and WILL take LESS!

My meeting isn't until 4:00 and it sooooo pisses me off that she makes this shit for LATE in the dayum day! If you got shitty news tell me NOW! But the kicker is ....I am not sure if I even WANT to stay in this dept..... roles are so specific and polarized in this company and I hate not having a more "generalist" type of role. It makes me wanna start looking for a new job that PAYS me what I NEED to get paid! I feel like I am constantly getting the SHAFT when it comes to the $$$$ !!

We got (after management going back and fuckin forth FOREVER abotu whether or not to GIVE us one) our bonus's. Now..... when I was hired, it was said "Robyn we can;t get you to the salary you want (about $10K more than what I make and used to make), but with bonus I am sure we can. But what did management do? Cut EVERYBODY's BONUS! How about my AFTER taxes bonus was LESS than $1,000! Yeah, yeah, yeah I know what you are saying...... be happy you got anything. And I am. But it's the principal of it all. When all of recruiting was displaced, we were told BY THE RECRUITING DIRECTOR that our bonus's would NOT be affected! And they reneged!!!!!

Oh well... I am through bitching for now...... I will let ya'll know what happened........

So.... my mom is here and me and my husband haven;t been anywhere ***dead look**

As much as we complain about NOT having a babsitter, we just OUGHTTA be going somewhere! But it is just nice to be able to SIT ON MY ASS and not have to worry about the little one! Sometimes, that is just as nice.

So, we go over to her long time friend's house and her friend is moving to California to be closer to HER son and his wife and daughter! So, you know me.... I was like "you need to buy THIS condo and move here!". Her friend agreed and chimed RIGHT.IN. on the "you need to move closer to your daughter...especially since you passed out last week!" bandwagon.

Her friend's condo is like 10 minutes or less in the SAME suburb that I live in and is a ranch style condo with plenty of space and a big ass basement. Perfect.

Now, I know that there are a couple things to take care of ....ya know.... getting a DIVORCE from the jackass she is "technically" married to, but has been seperated from (thank GOD for small miracles) from since sometime last year, getting the condo sold and then pakcking and moving. I am really turning this over to God because she NEEDS to be here. She really does. That place she has is a money pit and she keeps having to sink $$ into it. She is on a fixed income and MY budget is stressed as is (see: I can't really help you out cause I am using ALL my lil $$ to keep MY family afloat). That may sound bad, but it's simply the reality. I could help with incidental, occasional things, but I can't subsidize her monthly income and because she has all these medications and shit (she will be 73 this year) and because Medicare is not great on the perscriptions, she be needing money to supplement.

Also, shit is jsut expensive in Florida where she lives! I hate that she is on a fixed income and I am not in the financial position to just be Daughter-Money-Bags....so... I feel that the next BEST thing is to have her be here....in her own place (you know she is independent and besides she SMOKES which is a big HELL-FUCK-NAW in my crib....) and she will have more cash to enjoy her life AND be closer to me!

YEA! We all win!!! :-) Will keep ya posted......

baby love

So, my niece told the family that she is pregnant abotu two weeks ago and I am very happy for her! She is 25, got married last year to the guy she's been "whatevering" with, since she was 14. The family loves him and he really is a great guy! She is a colleg grad and is going back to grad school. Though with this announcement, she may delay going back a lil.

The family got together to celebrate this and her birthday which was Aug. 15. She told me that the pregnancy was planned and I , for one, was shocked ! She and I have alllllways joked around about who "would be next" and I was always like uh.... I have one... YOU are next! And she would be like "naw....I got about 4-5 years...naw....". But look what done happened! LOL She said that she stopped taking her "birth control" and the next month VOILA! She was pregnant!

So, she calles me yesterday and I didn;t get the phone and she then texts me the following:

All I have to say is....not one, but TWO BABIES


WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????????????? this heffa is having twins!!! LOL I was cracking up when I heard THIS!!! WOW! Twins!!!!!! I cannot believe it!!! :-) So ya KNOW the girl is scared! But she will have plenty of help, so she will be aw-ight :-)

We will love them babies and my little one will have two new cousins to play with and spoil.

Good times :-)

ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY!!!