Grinding

Hey ya’ll, how have ya been? I have been busier’n a 2-legged dawg trying to run to California! I am soooooo glad it’s Friday. Well, I have had a lot of time to think in between doing work (which ya know sometimes just marinating on stuff while you are working….you know, in between “work thoughts” , is all that gets ya through the day!). I was pondering on where I was 10 years ago.

Hmm…… I was po’ and broke with a degree that meant didly, wanting to move up in the work world, but having no idea where I was going. I was just beginning to enter the HR arena though I had no formal training. I was living in “da hood” of Detroit in a renovated apartment building that back in the hey day must’ve been a fancy hotel (it was a two bedroom place with only a living room , bathroom and kitchen.) because NEITHER bedroom had closets. My main bedroom was HUUUUUUUGE and the other room was pretty standard, but it was mine and I was gad to have a place that I was the first person to live in it since it was renovated. My parking was secured (there was a gate enclosure and you had to have a garage-door-opener-like remote to get in). But I wanted more……

I had (have) champagne taste on a beer budget. I like nice things just by virtue of being around a woman who like nice things (my mother). Though unlike my mother, I loved electronics, gadgets,etc. and often justified my purchases because I felt like “I am grown so I am going to buy it!!” (not good I know) I knew I was growing deeper and deeper in debt by the SECOND ,but I felt like “if I can just pay the MINIMUM payment….. I’m, cool….I’ll figure the rest out lata!”

Dumb, dumb, DUMB! And so continued my pattern Spend too much, be broke, and I mean LITERALLY BROKE having like $30 for food and gas money for 2 weeks (this WAS when gas was MUUCH cheaper and I could fill my tank for $10). But when I turned 30 I said “NO MORE!!!” and consolidated my debts and paid off the now GARGANTUAN $22,500 in Credit Card debt that I had amassed! I vowed that by the time I was 34, I would have that shit PAID off and that if I hadn’t found someone to whom I wanted to be betrothed, I would buy MYSELF a house! The month before I turned 34, I paid the last payment on the credit card debt. This was no small feat! I was also a new mother and made preparations to buy my first home! I had accomplished what I set out to accomplish!

I look at the strides that I have made in my career as well. Though, I do not feel as proud in this arena. I have been in a stagnant job for 5 years. My boss is a horrible teacher, though she has the knowledge, she wants to do allllllllllll the big stuff herself. Therefore, there is no place to grow. I have begged and pleaded for her to "show me" and I always HAVE gotten the "brush off"..... o.k.... cool.... SO I kwpt it moving. This job was the first job I have had paying me a REALLY decent wage and I grew VERRRY comfortable in this pay bracket and have become very "settled" in what I have. I know what I can get away with at this job, know the people and am so honed in on my boss's "attitude" swings that I can tell BEFORE she even says "good morning" how she is feeling and thusly what kinda day the HR dept. will have with her.

I have been coddled and pacified by the wonderful perks ( HUGE car allowance, $2k yearly medical reimbursement allowance for all bills not paid by insurance) and I have somewhat become complacent and lazy in my quest for more knowledge. You see, I have been in HR for TEN years……but I can honestly say that my skill level is like someone who has been in HR for 3 and have been a Manager for a year or two……because I have not GROWN hardly AT ALL since I have been here.My boss hordes information, so we long ago settled into the "I won't beg yo ass" and "you don't have to deny me opportunities" pattern. It was easy. I do my job, I go home. But I am tired of this "rut" of complacency that I have grown stuck in. I feel like one of those vines you see entertwined with a fence where the two have been together so long, you can barely trace where all the vines came from.

I now feel that I am ready to make the next leap and start growing again. Those of you who know my story know my boss is a HARD-ON BITCH who gives a DAMN about you OR your life outside of these 4 walls. She is pure evil in my opinion.


Moving along.......

But I am thankful to have a job. Michigan has the SECOND HIGHEST rate of unemployment in the COUNTRY. But that is no longer deterring me. I am getting back out there and since right before Thanksgiving/Christmas is a TERRIBLE time to look for a job, I will begin my search right after the holidays.

I have accomplished much in some arenas, but my career has been pushed to the side and I have stagnated my OWN damn self! And I have not accomplished what I think that I should have at my age. So, though I have accomplished some.... I still have a ways to go. My wheels, old and rusty as they may be are moving, starting to get greased up and starting move down that track again.

Back on the grind……..