Friday, October 13, 2006

Grinding

Hey ya’ll, how have ya been? I have been busier’n a 2-legged dawg trying to run to California! I am soooooo glad it’s Friday. Well, I have had a lot of time to think in between doing work (which ya know sometimes just marinating on stuff while you are working….you know, in between “work thoughts” , is all that gets ya through the day!). I was pondering on where I was 10 years ago.

Hmm…… I was po’ and broke with a degree that meant didly, wanting to move up in the work world, but having no idea where I was going. I was just beginning to enter the HR arena though I had no formal training. I was living in “da hood” of Detroit in a renovated apartment building that back in the hey day must’ve been a fancy hotel (it was a two bedroom place with only a living room , bathroom and kitchen.) because NEITHER bedroom had closets. My main bedroom was HUUUUUUUGE and the other room was pretty standard, but it was mine and I was gad to have a place that I was the first person to live in it since it was renovated. My parking was secured (there was a gate enclosure and you had to have a garage-door-opener-like remote to get in). But I wanted more……

I had (have) champagne taste on a beer budget. I like nice things just by virtue of being around a woman who like nice things (my mother). Though unlike my mother, I loved electronics, gadgets,etc. and often justified my purchases because I felt like “I am grown so I am going to buy it!!” (not good I know) I knew I was growing deeper and deeper in debt by the SECOND ,but I felt like “if I can just pay the MINIMUM payment….. I’m, cool….I’ll figure the rest out lata!”

Dumb, dumb, DUMB! And so continued my pattern Spend too much, be broke, and I mean LITERALLY BROKE having like $30 for food and gas money for 2 weeks (this WAS when gas was MUUCH cheaper and I could fill my tank for $10). But when I turned 30 I said “NO MORE!!!” and consolidated my debts and paid off the now GARGANTUAN $22,500 in Credit Card debt that I had amassed! I vowed that by the time I was 34, I would have that shit PAID off and that if I hadn’t found someone to whom I wanted to be betrothed, I would buy MYSELF a house! The month before I turned 34, I paid the last payment on the credit card debt. This was no small feat! I was also a new mother and made preparations to buy my first home! I had accomplished what I set out to accomplish!

I look at the strides that I have made in my career as well. Though, I do not feel as proud in this arena. I have been in a stagnant job for 5 years. My boss is a horrible teacher, though she has the knowledge, she wants to do allllllllllll the big stuff herself. Therefore, there is no place to grow. I have begged and pleaded for her to "show me" and I always HAVE gotten the "brush off"..... o.k.... cool.... SO I kwpt it moving. This job was the first job I have had paying me a REALLY decent wage and I grew VERRRY comfortable in this pay bracket and have become very "settled" in what I have. I know what I can get away with at this job, know the people and am so honed in on my boss's "attitude" swings that I can tell BEFORE she even says "good morning" how she is feeling and thusly what kinda day the HR dept. will have with her.

I have been coddled and pacified by the wonderful perks ( HUGE car allowance, $2k yearly medical reimbursement allowance for all bills not paid by insurance) and I have somewhat become complacent and lazy in my quest for more knowledge. You see, I have been in HR for TEN years……but I can honestly say that my skill level is like someone who has been in HR for 3 and have been a Manager for a year or two……because I have not GROWN hardly AT ALL since I have been here.My boss hordes information, so we long ago settled into the "I won't beg yo ass" and "you don't have to deny me opportunities" pattern. It was easy. I do my job, I go home. But I am tired of this "rut" of complacency that I have grown stuck in. I feel like one of those vines you see entertwined with a fence where the two have been together so long, you can barely trace where all the vines came from.

I now feel that I am ready to make the next leap and start growing again. Those of you who know my story know my boss is a HARD-ON BITCH who gives a DAMN about you OR your life outside of these 4 walls. She is pure evil in my opinion.


Moving along.......

But I am thankful to have a job. Michigan has the SECOND HIGHEST rate of unemployment in the COUNTRY. But that is no longer deterring me. I am getting back out there and since right before Thanksgiving/Christmas is a TERRIBLE time to look for a job, I will begin my search right after the holidays.

I have accomplished much in some arenas, but my career has been pushed to the side and I have stagnated my OWN damn self! And I have not accomplished what I think that I should have at my age. So, though I have accomplished some.... I still have a ways to go. My wheels, old and rusty as they may be are moving, starting to get greased up and starting move down that track again.

Back on the grind……..

9 comments:

TooSerious said...

GET IT!!!! You got my support. You aren't as rusty as you think you are and I know that you will be a success wherever you go. I'm proud of you for be brave enough to get out there and make that change!

Tired of being broke said...

Great decision to get back out there and start looking. People like your boss who keep info themselves dont want to see anyone else get ahead.

courtneyelizabeth said...

you need a new boss. or she needs to take some type of management course that teaches her about employee retention. lol. I hope it all works out for you...ya deserve the best. :) Stay blessed!

The_Hustleman AKA James W. Dennis said...

Welcome back Mz Robyn! I'm with you 100% on keeping it moving and growing. You deserve it! Now the boss thing... understandable, maybe she feels slightly threatened by anyone who knows their job. Which would probably mean they would know hers as well. hateration at its finest. Anyway, I think we all get comfortable in our lives but it truly takes a strong person to realize that, admit it, and get back out there and push to make it better. The grind is a pain, but it's worth it. Much love to you and I know you'll prosper if you're persistent.

Robyn said...

@shai: as far as the "boss" thing goes..... good enuf..... I'll charge it to "the game" **smile**, thanks luv :-)

@Courtney Eliz: Hey girlie!! you know....SOMETIMES you can't teach an OLD-AS-HELL dog NEW tricks (or to be a better boss). Thanks for the good vibes..

@TBB: Girl! Thanks so much for the upliftment, she's just a misereable woman!

@TS:Hey sweetpea! I know you got my back! I love ya for it! (KEEP YA EYES PEELED !!!!)

Knockout Zed said...

Damn, I missed this! You need to give me a heads up when you bloggin', mama!

I remember that apt. I don't think I'd ever been in that piece, but I remember it.

I remember that debt, too! You're still my she-ro.

Muck Fishigan.

KZ

chele said...

It is so easy to fall into a rut. Especially, if all your bills are paid. You figure, why fix something that isn't broken. You're making a wise decision. Good luck with your job search.

TheGod said...

I admire your perception and the ability to not stay in a state of conformity.

You know how we become settled in our ways the older we become. A life without meaning is no life at all.

Yet, give thanks for the job you do have and the ability to pay your bills...some of us out here are not so fortunate. Listen to your soul and then allow the body to follow.

I admire your strength, because me with a crappy ass boss...would have created some serious conflict.

Shai said...

I feel ya, Robyn. Livin the D is hard. I have been laid off from the City since May. 100+ apps and I have only a few responses.

Having a degree and experience and not finding a job is a biyatch. LOL.

I used to love the D when I was younger now I hate the economy here. We still have some good stuff. We need to get ourselves together.