S.I.L.

Check this out ya’ll….. my brother-in-law just turned 39 this year. Well, his wife Ann,my sister-in-law, wanted to have a bigggggggg shindig THIS year because “she wanted to”, fuck what made sense seeing as though the landmark b-day was NEXT year and it would simply PROBABLY make sense to wait. She is pushy like that. I like her, but her pushiness CAN be overbearing. Not only is she pushy, she is like that ALL THE TIME.

I can’t stress enough that I DO like her (in her moments of being non-pushy) but she can be a REAL trip. So get this: She calls me last week, and when I say she calls me, she called me one evening (I didn’t even see that she called until the NEXT day when I picked up my cell to make a call) and by then she had called TWO MORE times. So, I am thinking “WTF does she want???? “ But I forget….. that is how she ALWAYS is!!!! If you do NOT call this bitch back she will call you 25- cazillion times, each time sounding increasingly irritated. Trust me, I know……

So I call this hoe back on my way HOME and I’m like “ Hey Ann, what’s up?” She proceeds to lay out this “plan” that she has for her husband’s SURPRISE birthday party that she wants to plan. For a minute ya’ll I was totally discombobulated because I was thinking “wait…. His birthday just passed A.COUPLE.OF.FUCKIN.WEEKS.AGO, so”……. and then it clicked and I went “Are you talking about NEXT YEAR for his 40th b-day???????!!!!!”

She goes “Yeah…. I was thinking that we could have a party at Dave N Busters and have his friends, and the family ...... Jane (my mother-in-law, aka his and my husband’s mom) said that I could have it at the clubouse in the complex but I don’t want to have to clean up and then if we run out of pop somebody has to run to the store or if we run outta ice.....so I think it would be easier if we just had it at D & B......”


SCREEEEEEEEECH.

First of all: this is a fucking “fun palace” type of place and is NOT the place that I think MOST people would want to spend their 40th birthday. Maybe I am too high post or bougie or WHATEVER, but I would be GAT DAYUMED if my spouse planned a Milestone Birthday at a D & B, if my guests would even SEE me, cause I’d be SO MAD that THAT is what he planned, that I would be ALL.WRONG.

Second: I asked her “ Is that the kinda place that you think that Jay would WANT to have a 40th party at???” I’m trying to understand are you doing this for YOUR OWN SELFISH reasons or because you want to have a party that your HUSBAND would like?????? Sounds like the damn former instead of the latter, to me !!!

So, she swears up and down about 20 more times that “yes, I really think he would like it….. I really do” , and then we get to the meat of the REAL reason she is calling me:

“well, I was wanting to have it for his friends and family but I was wondering if you and (my husband) would be able to help out with the cost…. I mean….anything you could do would be appreciated …..because I calculated that because they have a buffet and the cheaper buffet is $14.50 per person plus $1.95 per person for unlimited water, tea anc soda the total would be about $800…….waa waaa waaa waaa waa waaa”.

I blacked out after that. WHAT BITCH?????????? Are you crazy?????????????? $800.00 DOLLARS?????????????? This is YOUR FUCKING PARTY FOR YOUR FUCKING HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!! I am a GOTDAMN GUEST!!! YOU DO NOT ASSSSSK GUESTS to come outta THEIR money to ATTEND a party!!!! And did you STOP to think that unless we DRIVE down there (which is DAMN outta the question unless we have at LEAST a week to spend cause that's TOO LONG of a drive , WITH A 2 year old, 12 hours to be exact, to turn RIGHT back around on the road......me NOR my husband are fans of driving long idstances either) it will cost (because my son is over 2 years old (and looks every bit of it) between $750 -$900 in AIRFARE ALONNNNNNE just to GET there! Fuck what we WILL inevitably have to SPEND while we are DOWN THERE!!!!!!! You inconsiderate TACKY BITCH!!!! I was floored.

Readership: Do you all see a problem with this as big as Africa?????? How fucking TACKY can you BE!!!!! I said “uh…..well…. I Will have to talk it over with my husband…..uh…… O.K”. I didn’t even know what to say and DIDN’T want to say the WRONG thing and have shit all fucked up between me and her until the END OF TIME.

( Too Serious, I know, I know.... I can hear you now...."fuck that.... HER ass would just have to have been mad at me!" LOL But I didn't just want to go ballistic without digesting that foolishness first and talking with my husband)

So she goes “Oh o.k., good…..cause I was wanting to get started on the planning and I intend on asking Jane and Mary and Ken (aunt and uncle of my husband and his brother) and Kelly ( my b.i.l. and husband’s first cousin……..” . And I am sitting here thinking , you stankin selfish BITCH!!!! You are calling NOT because you are excited to plan this party , but you want to figure out (based on who you can get to fund YOUR SHIT…..can I EMPHASIZE the words “YOUR SHIT” so you can figure out how much money you DO NOT HAVE to save!!!) .

Also, my thing is this too: Bitch if you can’t SAVE $800 in 11MONTHS (his birthday was literally a month ago) then YOU need to be getting ANOTHER JOB!!!

So, I tell my husband and he agrees and was like “if my brother knew what she was doing (i.e. asking for donations for his party) he would be mad as HELL”. He agreed that it was inconsiderate to ask us of ALL THE people because EVERYBODY ELSE (literally) that would be coming LIVES IN ATLANTA ALREADY!!!!! We are the ONLY ones who have to travel!!! But that is just how she is….. she can be so nice and thoughtful, but she can be QUITE inconsiderate.

This all happened on Monday. So, I call Jane (my m.i.l.) and asked her has Ann called her about this and ran down the situation. She said NO. My m.i.l (who is NO JOKE and pulls NO punches) went through the ROOF when I told her the details ! She was pissed about it and cited the SAME problems with the shit that we had (i..e we already have to spend a fortune to GET THERE, the tackiness factor, etc.). So we get off the phone and the last thing I heard was <>i“Oh, when HER ASS calls ME, we gon straighten this shit OUT cause she ALWAYS does that crap to me….. (i.e. calling her asking her for money for HER SON, my m.i.l’s grandson, saying “lil jay needs this, lil jay needs that).”

Oh and please believe that though they do not live an extravagant life, they live in a very nice suburb and she only works 3-days a week as a medical tech/surgical assistant because she “wanted to stay home with “ her son while he was young. Well,guess what...... he’s now 6, in school FULL-TIME, so bitch if YOU WANT TO HAVE YO HUSBAND A PARTY, looks like you need to be going to work FIVE days a fucking week and not three! PUH-FUCKING-LEASE!! I would NEVER call people asking for MONEY for something for MY husband that I WANT to do!!!!

********** UPDATE*************

I just talked to my m.i.l. and she was like “ I couldn’t even sleep last night I was so pissed off…..but I have come up with an idea…..we should all go to Las Vegas for his birthday….. he’s never been, and when I told him he sounded excited…………"


SCREEEEEEECH!!!

You told him? Oh lawd……….. Ann is going to be PISSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDoff to the highest of pisstivity when she finds out that our mi.l. has RE-PLANNED what to do for his birthday , AND.TOLD.HIM. Also, if it goes down this way there WILL BE NO SURPRISE (like Ann had wanted).


OOOOH and WEE!!!!! She is going to hit the CEILING! But I think it’s a GREAT idea! If HE wants to do it and thinks it’s a good idea, then YOU (Ann) can plan a “SURPRISE” portion out there!!! But I understand..... NOW…..no friends (for the most part) , some family, and NO coworkers will be able to come (which was what Ann had wanted). And you she will have to fund her OWN SHIT! She AIN'T gon like that shit cause that's the VERY thing she was trying sooooooo hard to avoid!!!! Serves her right.....

And I dare Ann to say something to me about “why did you tell Jane????!” Because my thing will be, “well, I thought you woulda already told/panhandled her already, so I didn’t think I was telling her anything she didn’t ALREADY know!!”


Ooooooooooooooooh Ann is going to be pissed. **shrug** And MY AZZ ain’t answerin her phone calls either…… cause I don’t EVEN wanna hear it………

LOL

Will keep ya’ll posted! LOL