Friday, September 01, 2006

daycare drama

O.K., ya’ll, why when I went to pick up my child yesterday, when I got there one of the teachers tells me (as I am walking to the room) “Dylan has been fighting”. I immediately felt my “presha rising” and I had a look that said “WHAT THE FYCK DOES THAT MEAN???”

Well…. I didn’t SAY that verbally, but that was the look. So I proceeded to say, “what happened?” Well, the teacher told me that he “popped a little girl in the head”. I said “ well, what were the circumstances, was she hitting him first or had she done something to him……?” (not that that excuses the hitting, I was just trying to find out WHY he did it....) The teacher said no that he just wanted her to move out of his way and he popped her in the head.

I looked at him and was like “GET OVER HERE! NOWWW!” How about he was looking sooooooooooooooo pitiful and I DID.NOT.CARE. I must’ve asked him 10 times if he hit her and he didn’t utter a WORD. I was then like “GO APOLOGIZE to her.. NOOOOOW!” He goes over and in an almost INAUDIBLE voice says “ I sorry”. I said “I don’t think she HEARD you!” … he goes “sorry” a lil louder. Of course the little girl appeared unphased and continued playing. When we left that roon, I snatched him down that hall so quick I was damn near dragging him cause I was walking so fast. I was mad as H*LL !! I said : When we get home, there’ll be NO chips, NO, juice, NO, popsicle, NO toys , you are going to eat your DINNER, take a BATH and you are GOING TO SLEEP! Do you understand me?”


“Good! Because I am VERRY disappointed in you.. you do NOT hit people!! And I am about to call yo’ daddy and tell him what you did!”

So, I call my husband….. (who wasn’t going to be home before Dylan went to sleep cause Wed.’s are his bowling night)

Husband: “Dylan! Did you HIT a little girl”


That boy didn’t start crying until his daddy got on the phone! LOL My husband tried to question him for a good 3 minutes and Dylan would not say ONE. WORD.

When we got home, I SWEAR, he was THEE most pleasant, agreeable, no problem, no asking for the banned items, child I have ever known him to be! I was sitting there and though I wanted to be jovial, I KNEW I had to be serious so he knew that I was serious and that it wasn’t a joke. I told him “I love you baby boy, but you CANNOT HIT PEOPLE. PERIOD. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?????”

"yes...." **half crying, half sad**

Usually, we are going through thangs and crying if we do not get our way. …. NOT last night! I was amazed!!! The only thing is that I had to keep this stern countenance about myself because I needed him to know that I WAS NOT joking with him and that what he did was wrong. Now, THAT SHIT was hard ass WORK! I like to relax, not be all stanky and evil all night. That shit gave me a headache!! Emotionally draiing. Cause see, the MOMENT he sees a smile on my face, he starts smiling like it's playtime. I am just not one to keep a stank-ti-tude all day long, so his punishments are usually short lived. But he ALSO knew on THIS night that I was NOT playing with him. I started to TEAR his ass up when they told me, but I also know that it would not have “necessarily” sent the right message to hit him because he hit somebody else.

Yeah, I know…. OUR parents didn’t think that way and would just light us up at a moments notice!! LOL Though while I do NOT believe that spanking is bad, I also do not want to hit him for everything. Because too much hitting and not talking to the child doesn't effectively teach them that there are OTHER solutions other than hitting. I think that beating a kid for EVERY.SINGLE. THING is not right just as that time-out shit all the time ain't right either. Parenting (as I am finding) is about trying to be in tune with your kid, striking a balance and doing the best you can do. I have sooo many friends who grew to be REALLY (in a bad way) scared of their parents and resent them later on as teens and consequenty act out or make the statement "my parent taught me how NOT TO BE with a child.... I don't WANT to be like them". That's because that was ALL the discipline they got, i.e. gettin' beat down. I want him to have fear of me, don't get me wrong, but sometimes excessive fear can manifest into OTHER destructive shit...... so again, it's about (in my opinion) striking some kinda balance if you can. I guess he IS only 2 though, but I tell you what…. That boy AIN’T stupid, so he KNEW that I was incensed by his behavior. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been acting like that (i.e. all sweet and no problems and no talking back,etc.). And funny…. He doesn’t DO NONE OF THAT to other people. I guess, me & my husband are just “mommy and daddy”…..them African’s ain’t nothing special…… I can do what I want.

I literally can’t BELIEVE how agreeable and even tempered he was.That boy was so good last night. He didn’t approach his toys, He didn’t ask for chips …or NOTHING else on the “banned items” list!! LOL

I don’t care WHAT ya’ll say.. kids AIN”T stupid!!! LOL


Knockout Zed said...

Damn, you're somebody's mother.

I don't think that shit has ever really sank in. I still just think of you as my munkee. This post just snapped me back into reality. You're a responsible adult. What the fuck am I doing?


chele said...

You did the right thing. The sound of his father's voice did the trick. I wonder why that is.

Andrew said...

You're right, in that children usually know when it's time to keep a low profile for a while.

To Love, Honor and Dismay

Single Ma said...

Nope, kids are not stupid. We (adults) don't give them enough credit and THAT is how we end up with the type of kids on "The Nanny." I also agree, discipline should take a balanced approach. Whatever form you choose (i.e. spanking, time out, the fear of God, etc.), it should be combined with communication. There is nothing in the world I hate more than when my mom used to say "...cuz I said so!" Ugh! I was a confused lil child because I thought all the answers were going to be "...cuz I said so!" LOL

Luke Cage said...

Single ma pretty much summed up what I was thinking. Although, I think alot of adults like to think that kids are naive and have no clue of what's happening around them, I think the funnelling process of the things they take in is more apparent than many of us may think or give them credit for. I'm not a parent, but if I were I would definitely say something to my child when I punish them and later explain why I came to that conclusion. Kids aren't stupid. Not by a long shot luv..

Anonymous said...

You have nailed it on the head...BALANCE.... Kids did not come with a manual. Every kid is different and you have to figure them out. Spankin and Slapping is not always the answer.. I hate that my mom felt she did not have to expalin nothing to me. I was always a why??? kid and I got slap for asking why?? or she would roll her eyes and not say nothing.. I explain to my boyz even when I bet they asses. I also ask them question so they understand what went wrong and what was a better choice.

Msnhim said...

You handle that well. Balance is the key and goes alot farther than just beating their asses. Well done MOM!

----- said...

Outstanding post! Babygirl is only 8 months...but her personality is shining through and we've got lots of fun ahead of us - I can already tell. Cuz apparently "No" means "Do it again...quickly"


The Goddess said...

Good for you for not "tearing his little butt up" I sometimes struggle with spanking myself, because it is definitely sending them mixed messages. Sometime putting on that stern voice is enough to break them. I would definitely praise him for the night he had. You know how many kids would've thrown tantrums and STILL asked a million times for privileges they were ALREADY told they couldn't have because of their behavior. That baby deserves some kudos! Smile

1969 said...

I feel you on this post Ms. Robyn.
You know I can totally relate. My son only gets spankings when his behavior endangers him or someone else or when it is a multiple offense. We find sending him to bed VERY effective.

Parenting is so much fun! LOL