Tuesday, July 19, 2005

My reason for living

you know...everyone asks themselves (or a higher being)at some time or another "what's my reason for living?" Well, before I was a mother,before I was a wife, before I was a co-worker before I was a best friend and before I was the grown-up daughter of my Mom, I often asked that question. In my years of growing up (hell, who am I fooling I ain't grown yet) I have learned that the old saying "it's not about the destination, it's about the journey" is soooo true.

As I look at my son, I find my purpose, I find the strength to deal with a boss I hate, I find the strength to perservere and I find my reason. He is my reason. Hey, life is what you make it and I am convinced that there is no greater purpose in life than to love and teach your children (at least not in my world). I have never been one of those "my chile is my lyfe" kinda person. Hell, before kids, I was the one my close male friends said was gonna be a playa for life (due to the way I could dismiss a nigga with the ease of just that.....a nigga). So,upon my having a child (not my geting married), everyone and I mean EVERYONE has commented on how much of a "mama" I am. At first I was like "whoa muthafucka's I'm still that divalicious girl I've always been who loves Disco, going to Club Shelter in NYC, hanging with my boys, hanging with my girls.....etc. etc."

But now, I take that statement as a compliment because I realize that the reason they say that is not because I am wearing Naturalizer's and a gingham pinafore with an apple pie in my hand, but because I am totally loving being a mother.

As I look at my son, his newfound independence via walking, amazes me. It WAS just yesterday that I held him for the first time, just yesterday that I first felt him kick, and just yesterday that he was born.Now I see how most parents feel and why their heart melts at the mere THOUGHT of something happening to their kids. I also understand why parents get to buckin' with other parents over their "chi'ren".

He looks to me with such innocence and such wonder and such simple things mystify and delight him. It is clear that the old saying that "mommy/daddy is the name for God in the world of a child" is very true. I am his world, and it is up to me and my husband to teach him right from wrong, good from bad. And believe you me, as amazed as he is of the little things, I am also amazed by him.

As I watch him carry his blanky around or grab his bottle and feed himself or waddle over to me and say "momma?" or even when I watch him take off his little velcroed shoe, I know what my purpose is. It is not to work for a dolla (though,hey, Erry'body gotta eat, so i am faaaar from discountiung this purpose too LOL). It is not to keep up with the Jones', it is not to get those phat-ass Via Spiga shoes(well.....maybe the shoes, hee hee). My reason is to raise my son to be a good person, to respect life and the world around him, it is to teach hom to love, how to feel empathy and sympathy for others, how to cry and how to laugh, how to be serious and how to play, how to respect his elders and how to take care of himself and be self sufficient because "the world will not meet you half way...you must go to it",to teach him how to eat when he goes to a nice restaurant, how to forgive and how to pray. I am his reason and he is mine. We complete each other.

4 comments:

Sassy said...

I am with you girl...though i've always wanted children, I never anticipated it would be quite like this. my son is the reason for everything i do. he is only 5 months old and he has had such an impact on my life. He's just started recently holding his bottle and really rolling completely over and i am in awe like he is solving quadratic equations...

your little one is absolutely gorgeous!

The Humanity Critic said...

That is a great post, very heart-felt.

The Humanity Critic said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Robyn said...

@sassily, girl I know...these little people are so amazing! Your little on is adorable too!! And thank you for the compliment on my little one!

@humanity,thanks for the compliment hon! :-)