cuzins

Lawd....why do I have a crazy ass family? Why, why, why I ask..... I was talking to my niece (of which I have two, one OLDER than me and one younger than me). Well, I was talking to the younger one who is my brother's child and she's planning her wedding. Now, she's 23 and she's been going out with this guy, who is 3 yrs older than she is, since she was 14. Yes, 14. He's a great guy and everyone in the family loves him. So I was talking to her about her plans and how it's coming along (it's next year on June 10). She said that her Mom was putting 1/2 down on her dress today. I was like great! I then was joking around with her and said "So..... (hee hee) are ya gonna let yo' Auntie be an USHER?" LOL?

Explanation: My sister is gay and a very BUTCHY gay woman at that. She has her hair cut VERY low, has the "nigga" swagger, wears mens socks, shirts, drinks Milla Hi-li (miller high life) beer, etc. But she cool as hell. No problem wit dat. She has had a life part'na since I LITERALLY can remember and they have lived together since Barry White and Teddy were headlining shows! That's just my other sister as far as I'mc oncerned. My sister is also the MOTHER of my niece that is OLDER than me...go figure that one..... I have never and never will have a problem with her being gay. I'll go to gay clubs, go to this gay park that she frequents with her and her friends all in all are pretty cool....just like anybody else. But she is quite the butch-dom type of gay woman.

O.K., so with that said, I was aking my niece this in jest. She was like "yeah you know dem nigga's wanna be in my wedding, but they SHORT! They just gon' have to sit in the audience and Aunt Z is just gon have to have her Miller & chill! LOL" I was like yeah, I feel you cuz it's YOUR day and whyyyyyyyyyy did my sister FO' REAL think that she should be in my niece's wedding as a BRIDES-HO??? Man....how do you tell a BUTCHY gay woman that you would totally mess up the time and space continuum if you were to be in my bridesmaid party??? It would be like having Hulk Hogan as a bridesmaid!! Well....not exactly, but you get the visual.... My sister is like 55 years old, butchy, salt & peppered short hair and it seems like she would be as comfortable in a dress as a hooka in church being called out by the pastor!

So, my niece's feelings were aptly placed. ERRRRY-body in the family has "claimed a piece' of the spotlight as far as this wedding is concerned. Now, here's where we get to the title of this blog. The guest list is REDICULOUS. They're inviting more than 300 people!!! And the kicker is that 1/2 of the people they have invited are the grooms FAMILY. uh...naw..... weddings cost serious chedda and these two are young and though they have decent jobs, I can estimate how much they make (from knowing their job decriptions....hey, I'm in HR....it's what I do) and KNOW they ain't got it like that. Many people are saying that they should just "dave da $$$" and buy a house or fix the one up that they have. Well.....I say that if they want a beautiful wedding, far be it from me to discourage this. This is THEIR day and if my niece is anything like my brother and sister-in-law, her parents, who were married at 18 and 17 repsctively (and are still married).....them nigga's are in for the long haul.. And it appears that they are. Though we have a small family, my only issue is that I feel the list should be a lil shorter. I mean every extended cuzin just doesn't need to be invited dammit!

So, back to the weddin'...it appears that since we have a small family, our cuzins (some of whom are the EPITOME of gheeeeeetto wanna come). O.K., but these are the same ones that neva call or visit.....so my theory is (in my best Oprah/Sophia from the Color Purple voice) "hell naw!!"

Mu'fucka's KILL me expectin just cuz we hapoen to share s teensy bit of blood, that this entitles you to all kinds o' shit.

I told my niece, fuck it....just run to Bemuda or St. Lucia or Anguilla and jump the damn broom.