Wednesday, November 08, 2006

finality/bringing sexy back

Well, in my last post I said that there were a lot of things going on and there have been. In short, I was laid off, fired, let go…..all it boils down to is I no longer have a job or source of income. Why? Well, the company that I worked for has been cutting it’s own asshole to save money since July when the contract with GM was renewed. And my job (no one else's mind you) was eliminated.

Prior to the contract being renewed I was told by my stankin ass boss “I would advise you to get your resume together over the shutdown because NONE of us could be employed if we don’t get the contract….I know that I am getting MY resume together”. Now those of you reading this who have been reading for awhile may be like “COOL! You haaaaaaaaaated that place and that woman ANYWAY! Now you can move on to something better”. While that may be true, I did NOT want to be FORCED to move and have NO WARNING that I was going to be without INCOME. You see, that was all that job was to me ANYWAY: Income. It wasn’t a “career” because the bitch I reported to held you back and DIDN’T want to teach you anything. It wasn’t a source of pride, she saw to that, but what is WAS , was a way for my family to live comfortably in the style in which I AM accustomed because it did pay well and have GREAT perks. Now, I am scrambling and uneasy about where’s my next money coming from. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, but the last time I was given the courtesy of being told 2 ½ months in advance, that my job was going to be eliminated. That bitch could have done the same, because I talked to one of my girls that works in another division and she said that when it all came out, that this was “planned for a MINUTE”. Hmmph…. Why should I be surprised. That is what that company does best….FUCK people in the ass. I was there for 5 years and got a paltry 7 weeks severance. Now, some of you will say “stop fucking complaining, you coulda got NATHAN, NADA….”. And to you all, I say true, but I have seen muuuch better……


And unfortunately, me & my husband do not have the “3-6 months of income” that financial advisers tell you to have in “case” something like this happens {and PLEASE don’t; give me a lecture on THAT…don’t need it} So…. I am REALLY pressed to get a job because I do NOT want my lifestyle to change from what it is now. What do I mean by that? My husband DOES make enough to support us, and with a few changes (him claiming more exemptions, cutting down on what he puts into his 401(k), not spending unnecessarily, and taking our child out of daycare) we would survive. So, it’s NOT like I will be homeless. But that is also NOT how I live: not able to spend ANYTHING, asking for an “allowance” , or being a stay at home mom (nothing against ANYONE who does it because I think that it is faaaaaaaar harder to stay at HOME ALL.DAY.EVERY.DAY.AND.WEEKENDS.AND.BE.WITH.CHILDREN.24/7. 365 than me going to work everyday and I know my limitations. I love my child, but I would be a WORSE mother if I was forced to stay home everyday with him….. sorry….I just would). So I am pressed. I know that I WILL find another job, but when is the question. In case ya’ll DIDN’T know, Michigan has the 2nd HIGHEST unemployment rate in the country and since proposal 2 passed and they are CUTTING more jobs (no pun intended) everyday!! So, who KNOWWWWWS “when” I will get another job! I am still very upset by this and by the fact that that bitch I worked for for allthese years didn’t have the commom decency to let me know, send a smoke signal, SOMETHING to let me know (when I KNOW she knew) that this shit was coming!!

I also want to make the right decision in terms of a job because I have now had two unpleasant job situations/bosses (this one and the one IMMEDIATELY before) and those who don’t know me might say “maybe YOU were the problem if you had TWO bosses who gave you problems”. Well, boys and girls, those that know me KNOW that that was simply NOT the case. I have worked for two bastards in a row, spanning a total of 7 miserable years of my approximately 10 total years IN HR !!! So, I am verrrry hesitant to jump into a job that doesn’t feel right. I intend to “interview them” more than I have previously. The good thing is that me & my brother & sister are about to sell my grandmother’s ( who passed) house and the proceeds will give me some cushion along with unemployment.

I am just now starting to get myself back up and feeling even 1/2way alright since it happened last Thursday. Since then I have been pretty depressed and not feeling good at all. I still have my moments.

I do however know that the silver lining in this whole thing is the fact that I DO.NO.HAVE to be bothered with that BITCH .EVER.AGAIN. But back to the actual termination. Check how they did me: My boss had me meet her at one of the companies satellite offices to tell me. What? Did she think that I was going to be an angry black bitch and take her fucking HEAD off in the office?????? **laughing**Yes, she shoulda, cuz she knew that she and I did NOT have the friendliest relationship when it came to ill shit that she has done to me and THIS would fall in that category, no? We both were fake and I guess she should have been worried. She knew that I didn’t like her. From the beginning I should have peeped her fakeness for what it was, but it wasn’t until she showed her true colors after I was hired that I began to see. And she and I have gotten “INTO.IT” on more than one occasion. Working for her these past 5 years has been HELL, emotionally. I have walked out of her office on several occasions, we have gotten into straight yelling matches (the most recent one a couple of months ago, in which she says, among other shit, “Robyn I have had it up to here (motioning with her hand above her head)” and I said “Well you know WHAT ____ I have had it up to here (said with a stank ass look on my face) TOO !”. And I have had to literally walk away more times than I can count to clear my head” because if I didn’t, I feared I would seriously end up in jail for what I wanted to do to that woman.

But what’s really fucked up to me is that I wasn’t let go for performance, attendance, insubordination, yet I didn’t even get a chance to clean out my OWN DESK!!!! Fucked up huh? Well, it would have been MORE fucked up if I hadn’t been up on her shitty assed plan the two days before. How did I know? The week before she had told me to “plan to meet her” at our satellite office and I was like yeah, yeah..o.k…. not really paying attention to her because she babbles so much, just making my mental note and moving on. Well… a couple days before she mentioned it again, which then made me ask “by the way , WHAT are we going there for???”. She replies “ I can’t say”.

What the fuck?? I immediately got MORE paranoid than I already was. That didn’t sound right but me being a natural “worrier” I tried to calm my mind and TRIED not to make too much out of it, but still started thinking “what if I am being fired….”.

So, fast forward to Halloween Day. Well, I went to use my Corporate American Express card and it was declined, so I call them up and they inform me “a request was made from your company to cancel this card”. I just bust out crying right then and there in the parking lot of my son’s school because it hit me that these dirty muthafucka’s were going to terminate me. I couldn’t even get it together. My husband was on his way home anyway and he had to come and meet me there and go in and get my son because I was so fucked up. So, the next day (which was the day before I was let go), I cleaned out every file, copied shit to disk that I wanted, took shit that was mine, forwarded myself e-mails that I wanted to keep, and generally made sure I had what “I needed” from my desk. So, fuck her stankin ass, because the only thing left to pack were pictures, mugs, and miscellaneous food. But that was really fucked up. We’ve worked together for FIVE years. You know that I have a husband and a child, it’s RIGHT before the holidays and OBVIOUSLY this shit was WWAAAAAAAAY planned in advance and you couldn’t have given me a “hint” that this shit was COMING?????? Ask her and she will give you the bullshit goody-goody answer I am sure of “ well, Robyn I was sworn to secrecy by MY superiors…..blah-fucking-blah”. Whatever. If you really GAVE a shit about me (like you allllllllllways FAKE LIKE YOU DO) allllllllllllllllllll these years…. You coulda HINTED something like “you know….. our HR jobs are NOT secure, so make sure you are prepared for anything…..” or something of the like. If I gave a shit about a person, I would do that for someone. You know, tell them without TELLING THEM !

I am also scared about trying to get a new job. Since I have not been “on an interview” in 5 years, I am terrified. I hate interviews because I get soooo nervous when I am put on the spot, feel like I am sounding stupid and lose all train of thought usually. And to be honest, it’s been longer than that since I went on a real interview. When I interviewed for this job I was ready and I focused on doing the BEST I could in that interview and it was a cake walk. My soon to be boss talked MORE THAN I DID in the fucking interview! I was sooo relieved! But I know that that is not how MOST interviews are……. But I will survive. I have to.

So on the day I got fired, I had a hair appt. and decided to bring my “sexy back”…… see below…..

I had been talking about cutting my hair for at LEAST a year, and always got scared. This was just the impetus that I needed to get me to do it and you know what. Like this job, I do not miss the hair ONE.BIT. Everything happens for reason right? Wish me luck on this new journey into the next part of my life.

So whaddaya think of the new look? Cute, no? (ya’ll betta say YES…ya’ll know I am fragile right now….LOL)


Mia said...

Go Girl! (Do people still say that?) You are rocking that cut!

Tired of being broke said...

Girl that cut is absolutely fabulous. Love it!!
Am keeping my fingers crossed you find something soon, with a boss who is not a real b.itch.

Shai said...

Gurl, I am here in Detroit. I have been laid off since May. I worked for the City and they gave us 2 weeks notice.

I have applied for over 200 jobs and have not gotten any offers. i have a degree and experience but nothing. It is getting hard. I have enough saved for 2 months or so after unemployment runs out. I will know next time to save more.

I voted against Prop. 2, I am pissed. I used to work for Wayne State University and that school was so racist. Now I wonder how bad it will get for blacks there.

sherri said...

The hair is great. Looks great on your face!

TooSerious said...

Okay, at the risk of sounding look GORGEOUS in these pics, Byna!! Since I haven't seen you in person, only on the pics on my phone (just ain't the same) I saw that first pic and instantly said, "Oh my gosh, she looks beautiful." LOVE THE CUT!

Stop stressing about the job situation. I understand the angst but everything happens for a reason and this is no exception. You will find something better and you have prospects as I type. Pray about it and keep on pushing. You know we've got your back!!

Diva said...

My girl Byna,

You have joined the "Short Hair Diva Crew" You have brought SEXY back in a big way. You are doing the do. The cut is beautiful. When I saw you last Friday, I was so happy that you were in good spirits. It's hard when you get laid off from work. Believe me, I have been there. But like I said on Friday, "When God closes one door, he opens another one". Continue to pray about your situation and do the damn thang. LOL

The Goddess said...

Girl look at you looking all pretty with the new hair. Makes me wanna cut mine off again.

That job situation was a mess. I wish you luck and I'm sure things will work out. And as you so eloquently put it

"I DO.NO.HAVE to be bothered with that BITCH .EVER.AGAIN." Lol. You atleast will have your sanity so it's worth it in the long run.

TDJ said...

I've been reading your blog for a while and hadn't commented, but your post today compelled me.

I'm sorry that you were terminated. Best of luck in finding the right job (in your field) for you.

Love the color and the cut!

Angie said...

Girl, you look good. that look is working for you. Maybe this is the bump you need to push you into doing something you may dream about doing (but you've been too scared). You can do it!

P.S. I know you're probably wondering who the hell I am. LOL I read your blog often-----I'm usually sitting quietly in the corner. : )

chele said...

Robyn: Didn't they just hire a new person a few months back? Are you telling me that they kept her and let YOU go? What the hell is that?

Things are going to work out for you and your family. You will definitely survive this ... I can feel it.

The hair cut is fabulous!

The_Hustleman AKA James W. Dennis said...

Peace Mz Robyn! Yes, yes! The new hair looks great on you and although I never met you, it seems to fit your style and personality. My heart goes out to you about your current situation but whatever you had once can always be gotten again. That bitch was just that... a bitch, she'll get hers no doubt and I hope you hear about it when she does. You're still blessed and I know your husband has your back so inhale, get your swagger back and go get what yours. I have no doubts that you will.

Knockout Zed said...

See, that's the chick I remember! Pure unadulterated hotness!

Bring back the black Altima!

Muthafuckas don't know!


Chubby Chocolate said...

What? Fired?! I'm lost. At least you look fab-yew-luss. I see you got your brows shaped too!

Been to long, fellow fan of Jamiroquai. :-)

Miss VeNeace said...

Hey Robyn,
I've never commented on your blog but I wanted to today. Your cut is SO PRETTY! I love it! It looks great. I also forwarded Too Serious and Diva some info about a Corporate Recruiter opening at my job in Southfield. I'm sure they'll follow up with you. I wish you well in your job search. Stay blessed!

TheGod said...

Man you should be writing books. You have the ability to write for days...but your stuff is good.

Is it not amazing how we trust companies for our well being and financial stability..its true that we need to do for self..but that is not always easy...first hand experience right here.

Just know we are where we are supposed to be...even if we don't truly understand how or why.

* I am also creating a cartoon style face of you to put on my blog for blog when I redesign my blog and if you don't agree with it...tell me and I will take it down.

be good

Robyn said...

@ Mia, Sherri & TBB: Thank ya'll :-) I'm trying to preserve my sexy!

@Shai:DAYUMMIT! I HATE this dayum city for that VERY reason! By the went to Cass didn't you?? ( I did and think I recognize you :-) )

@TS & Diva: Awwww thank you! I had to draaaaag Diva to get her to come to my house & see it becuase I was TRYING to surprise her, she was like "I'm tired...I'll holla at you next week". I was like "FOOL! I just cut my hair off so yo gotta come see it!" LOL

@The Goddess: Hey lady! Thank you and thank you for the prayers for a better job! LOL I need it!! And don't cut your hair! It looks so pretty and long! (that was my problem....I felt like it just WASN'T growing!)

@Angie & TDJ: I am so glad that you both left commnents after "lurking" for awhile LOL thank you for the sweet compliments and Angie you are right,....maybe this is what I really need to open up my Photography business to a whole NUTHA level!! :-)

@Chele: YES! They hired this administrativr assistant when my girl was fired....and guess what? (no shock here) they have given HER some of my responsibilities for less money and farmed out my other responsibilities to our corporate headquarters. Whatever. I am REALLY glad to be rid of that toxic environment!

@Mr. Dennis :-): Thanks luv! I think that this new haircut is just the start of a whole new "thang"!!! I'm getting my swagger back as we speak! And I am glad to know that you are out there watchin' for me! Stay tuned!

@Zedder's:WORD! YEAH BABY!!!! The Robyn Circa 1989.....sans skeletons.....LOL Ha!!!

@Chubby; GIRRRRRRRRRRRL!!! Where ya been????? Girl, you ain;t missed NUTHIN..... janky company, doesn't appreciate it's worker's, working off of a new cost structure, cuts it's arms, legs and intestines out to save money and consequently MAKE more money. See.... you're all caught up! Don'tchu leave us for that long again WOMAN!!! LOL

Hey Ms. V: Thank ya girl for alllllllllll of your help! I appreciate it more than you know!

@The God: HA! Thanks for the vote of confidence on the book thang! I just might right one one day (with less profanity! :) and I LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVE the idea of the cartoon version of me! I am so flattered!! I saw The Goddess, Tam's and Bossmack's that you used to have up there and I loved them!!! I am too excited to see what I look like in carton form!! :-) And whatever you do create, I'm good.... you have talent! And I agree that NOTHING occurs by mistake. I was MEANT to be where I am at. I am better, but still making sense of it (you know.....ego hurts a lil). Thank you for your words and know that it's my family and my blog family that helps me through this tough time!


**P.S. I will be back to regular blogging this weekend :-)

YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

*poking head in* Did someone just mention Jamiroquai? Wooooow. Now I'mma hafta find one of them videos to put on my blog.

As Mo'Nique would say "Girrrrl phuck dat job". That might've been what you needed to give you a push to a bigger and better position. Dayum unemployment rate. There's something out there to your liking. Believe that!

I've never met you, but you are sportin' the HELL outta that cut!

P said...

Girl. . .

you are rockin the cut!!

But. . .

Back to the layoff. .

I too have been laid off (how they can lay off folks in HR has my head scratchin). But anyway. . .

This haircut is a new attitude, and approach, that hopefully parlays into your new endeavors as you search for the pot at the end of the rainbow.

Please keep us posted.

Shai said...

Yeah I went to Cass, class of 1988. I remember you a lil bit. LOL. I look a lil different.

Funny I run into Cass folks either I remember them or vice vice or we both try to remember. LOL. Because I worked at Wayne State and went there, I see so many people out in public I cannot place faces and names as much. LOL. Guess it is that almost 40 senior moment.

Anyway, I was a loner and shy at Cass so most folks did not pay me any attention.

Luke Cage said...

Nope, it ain't cute. It's BEAUTIFUL! Rock it well baby. Too bad about your job though. I hate hearing bad things happen to good people..

TooSerious said...

Dang, I understand you bringing sexy back...but when the hell you gone bring blogging back?

Can I get a new post?