Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I can't win

I have come to the consensus within myself that this job is just that…a damn job. I like it less and les everyday (the actual duties, that is). I think that I should just trust my instincts when it comes to MY.DAMN.SELF sometimes. The reason that I do not like what I am doing is because I have NEVER wanted to be doing what I am doing…… doing recruiting as my sole job. I have always said that I NEVER wanted to do this and this alone. I knew that there were times in my old job when I had to do recruiting all day long that I’d be just all irritated because I was tired of talking to muthafuckas. But I have to have the lifestyle that I have to have. Or else, I believe that I could just be at the crib NOT working and going back to school. I am really considering this. But then again, I am really considering NOT doing that too. I am full’a contradictions. I have no answers. I just know that I feel burnt out already.

I am a lazy, slow-paced to medium-paced person by nature if left to my own devices. I am all about working SMARTER. This is why this job is sooo hard. I am not saying that I do not want to work, but this job is turning out to be more about "monitoring" our every move than it is about getting a fuckin job done if you ask me. You see, because we are constantly monitored and graded and for lack of a better word, "big brother'd" it is very distracting from getting ones fuckin job done.

I really know that this is not my last stop..... I wish I could transfer to another division (not because of Boss Diva.... I love her ...but because of the way they have her running things. They are on HER ass, so she is on ours. I try to remember that but it is hard to seperate the like that I feel for her and the HATE that I feel for the processes she enforces on us. I need to transfer to another realm in HR but can't until I have been there for 9 months. It was only THREE as of yesterday. I am already burnt out and feel irritated with theidea of gettin up and going to work.

It used to be that I hated my boss & the company who didn't appreciate SHIT, but didn't mind the work, now it's the EXACT polar opposite. LOOOVE the boss, Love the company, HAAAAAAAAATE the duties. I get so dang-dog TIRED ot talking to people alllllllllll day and that's ALL I do. It's mindless and boring. I wish I could be one of those people who are just resolved to the "It's just a job.... I don't take it home...I can just do a job and go home". I am not like that. I wish I were. Life would be easier if I were not so high strung sometimes, but I am. What can I say. I can only keep working on me and working on having the fortitude to keep going until I get to my 9th month so I can HOPEFULLY transfer to another department in the company. Sometimes ti just feel like I can't win.


chele said...

Your day is coming. When I was younger I used to carry my job around with me too. Once I had my kids though I really got a taste for what is really important. My job is JUST a job.

Anonymous said...

Interesting read!!

Divatude said...

We all hate our jobs!!! I wish I could win the jack pot and tell everyone to kiss my ass, but then I get it together and get back to reality.

Hang in there. You'll be fine.