Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Ring......

It’s been a long time…. I shouldn’t have left you…..

But I did! HA!

Anyway…I am back…. And the job is going…well..it;s going as well as can be expected! I am however, getting more used to the “craziness” at this job. The people are really great to work with and the company in general is a great one to work for.

Here’s the question of the day: Why was I talking to someone who has been with someone for 8 years and these two folks are not engaged, betrothed or anything. They just “boyfriend/girlfriend”. That boyfriend/girlfriend shit get’s EXPIRED after 3 years TOPS in my book. But then again I will be 37 this year and AM married. She is not even 30 and has been with this clown the MOST of her adult life.

Not let me preface the meat of this post with this: I do not know the woman real well, I work with her, we are referring to Boss Diva. She is mad cool and has her shit TO.GE.THER on the work front. But this African she’s been messing with (I say “messing with” because after 8 damn years and NO ring…that’s what it is! Some mess!) is throwing cow patties on her happily-ever-after.

Soooooo……, check this out: we have a meeting in her office and she tells me that they went this past weekend to “look at rings” and then she asked me “Robyn….. did your husband and you pick out your ring or did you just pick it out?” I said “well… I told him the style, cut of diamond, how the sides were to be,etc….but we never picked it out per se together”. She then says “ Why did Slowpoke (I am naming him that because he has taken waaaaaaaaaay too long to get this girl a ring) tell me that he didn’t like the ring I chose and that he feels that we should BOTH like the ring and that he didn’t want to get it?”

I said “ex-cuse-zemay me?” WHY IN THE HELL DOES THAT AFRICAN HAVE TO LIKE IT???? As long as the ring doesn’t have a Nazi sign or ain’t green, purple and black he has NOTHING.TO.SAY about it as far as MY Black ass is concerned! So, she then goes on to say that “ I just remained calm but disagreed with him and we got into a small argument about it, but in the end I said to myself Boss Diva if you can’t compromise on THIS you do not need to get married”.

Dog…… I QUICLY told her,…..uh….. sweetie, the ring that YOU HAVE TO WEAR has NOTHNG to do with HIM!!! I am SORRY! Regardless of WHAT ring a woman picks I have YET to hear ANYONE criticize the MAN for the ring selection!!! EVERYBODY knows that the ring is TYPICALLy and almost ALLLLLLLWAYS in this day and time, chosen by the WOMAN!!!

That is the most SELFISH shit I have even heard! And I am glad that SHE did realize that too…..but she’s still saying that she WILL compromise on the ring.

wouldn’t be me….. that is THE most personal piece of jewelry I will own and to me it SHOULD be something above all else, that I LIKE……NOT YOU! That is NOT fair! But it is apparent that she really just wants to get married…. And I am not criticizing… I am just saying…… when you want something you make HUGE concessions that take you out of the realm of reasonable into the realm of ridiculous…… I have done it too…..

I just wish I could scream to her to NOT let this marriage BEGIN with a HUGE compromise of self. There is NOTHING wrong with compromise, as a matter of fact, without it a marriage will die, but there are SOMETHINGS that should NOT be compromised and to me, that damn ring is #1 on the list!


Knockout Zed said...

I had a fight about the ring, too. The fight didn't stop until Dec. 11, 2003.


Aziza said...

I don't even know why they are even going around the barnyard debating over a ring. Why? Because they are not really getting married. After dating all this time, I wonder do they plan to stay engaged for a decade like some folks do to keep family and friends from asking them why they haven't gotten married yet. Things don't look like they are leading to marriage or at least not to this guy. Maybe she'll meet another nice guy. Good luck to her anyway.

Shai said...

The overplay for the underlay. Nuff said. Homebody is gaming her.

YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

He's farting off and finding every petty thing to be at odds about. The ring that SHE wears should be her choice.

Then again, I wouldn't have entertained his azz past 3 yrs. That's just me tho.

Robyn said...

@all:I am sooooo glad that ya'll feel me! So, now she is "taking him " shopping this weekend to get this ring-thing under control....

I beleive that she will get marreid to him , but she is DAMN sho setting a BAD precedent by compromising on the ring that SHE has to wear!! WTF is that crap about???????

The_Hustleman AKA James W. Dennis said...

LOL! Glad you're back Mz Robyn. I'm over here LMAO! Being as I have never been married I know when the time comes to just move out the way and let my Lady do her thing with the ring, feel me?

But slowpoke is African, they dance to a different drum. Although his beat took 8 years... anyway sad to say she's going to do what she's going to do, but I feel you, a woman should love her ring. After all, it will be with her for the rest of her life... probably.

Thanks for the laughs!

TS said...

I know Boss Diva and if she woulda asked me I would have told her to dump Slowpoke. She is ENTIRELY too fly to settle for some bullsh*t like that. Tell that Negro to pick ou this ring and that is the compromise. As long as he can afford it who cares what he likes...he ain't wearing it. I hope she tells him that she doesn't like the ring that he picks out and let him see how it feels. Stupid!

Luke Cage said...

Geez. The sad thing is, that's how it starts. Compromising on something that you really don't want to compromise on today, and tomorrow it'll be something bigger and so on and so forth. Then, it's going to get pretty ugly when she re-asserts herself and stands her ground on something that she will not be willing to compromise on.. Whew! Hi miss Robyn. Missed ya!

chele said...

Honestly, I donn't think it has anything to do with the ring. He's trying to find yet another excuse not to marry your girl.

1969 said...

He just doesn't want to get married..PERIOD.

After 2 years, she should have bounced.

Glad you're back and that the job is GOING...LOL

Midnightblues said...

Is there a reason why you keep referring to him as "this African"/"that African"? We get it, he's African; as am I.

Re: hustleman's comment, my experience with Americans, there are just as many American men who dilly-dally w.r.t. marriage as there are the worldover--including African men. His behaviour is in no way a direct reflection of the way African men behave towards the women they marry. Some are a**holes; some are the sweetest people on this planet; and then, you get those who fall between the two points.

Your colleague's situation reminds me of a story a friend told me last year. Her friend had been in a (so-so) rlp for a number of years and neither she, nor her partner had the heart to break things off. Surprise, surprise, they decided to get married. A month or so down the line, guess who's getting divorced?

Re: your colleague's situation: has it not occurred to her that he'll pi** around till she gets the message that he doesn't want to marry her? Or, that he's such a controlling pig, he won't even let her pick her own engagement ring? Either way, the purchase of the ring does not bode well for the start of their married life.

Robyn said...

@Midnight: The guy in questions actually not African, I refer to him as "that African" in an attempt to not say That Nigga which is a phrase I overuse. I am so sorry if I offended :-)

Lola Gets said...

Im with Shai and 1969 - that fool doesnt want to marry her. If he did, he would have by now. This "ring" issue is just a ruse.

Id never "date" someone for that long. My uncle has dated the same woman for 15-16 years - NEVER! Relationships (all kinds) should grow and evolve, and that kind of long-term dating rarely does.