Work Tirade/Angry Black Woman moment

This post is about the more frustrated part of me. And since this is my blog, I can blog about whatever so if you are not in the mood for a bitch-fest, please tune-out now and turn the channel to the "Shyts and Giggles" station.

O.K., now that that disclaimer is out of the way onto the topic of discussion. I am in a terrible slump at work. I routinely shirk my duties, putting things off that I know will not be discovered. Or something that if it is discovered I can tell a lil lie to whomever the request came from and fix it real quick. But there are also a few things floating around that I haven't done, that if discovered (while not the end of the world) that I DIDN’T do them, would lead my boss straight to writing my ass up.

Most of these things are ones that I can do easily and that would only take 5 minutes, but 90% of the time I just ”don’t feel like it”. And this (i feel) is due to my horrible boss. I make a damn good salary with GREAT perks, but I HATE my boss! Do you know that I just had a WONDERFUL dream that I called her a bitch and then called her a STANKIN ASS BITCH to her face and I woke up feeling happier than I had felt in a LONG time????? (no for REAL, I'm NOT exaggerating) What the HELL does that say about the state of my affairs??? Work used to be meaningful and relevant. Now, I feel like it is “something that I must do” to get through the day. I know that part of this feeling is due to my stank-ass micromanaging boss. Nothing I do feels like it matters at this job. You see, if it ain’t her way, it’s pushed away. I stopped feeling valued long ago at this job.

**shrug**I care but I don’t.

It’s terrible. I live just above that line. What line?? The line of the “BIG FUCK UP”. I routinely get the EEOC charges that I am in charge of responding to, all of which have a deadline and I ROUTINELY call and ask for an extension. Even though, if it’s sent to me directly (and I don’t have to wait to get it 3rd party from another office that has let it sit around for a week) then I typically have like 3-4 weeks to do it. If I PUSH it, I can typically do a charge in a day (if I have all the facts I need) or less. So this tells you that I am just a procrastinator….... I procrastinate because I really don’t want to do it. There is NOOOOO reason that I should need to hide the charges from my boss when they come in just so that she will think that when I do present them to her that they JUST came i. But that then justifies me needing an extension. There is no reason for it. I swear, there is just something in me that (call it lazy) that does NOT like deadlines, does NOT like being told what to do and does NOT take kindly to any of the shit. I resist being fed authority like a Muslim resists being fed pork. I am soooo just NOT the “good and obedient” employee anymore and I REALLY need to own my own business.


**shrug** I care but I don’t.

And I know how hard jobs like this are to find (monetarily speaking). But the fact of the matter is, my boss killed my spirit to do a good job here a LONNNNNG time ago. And I mean probably from the 1st month I was here. I am very self-aware and KNEW from the 2nd or 3rd week here, that I would not like it here. Honestly, the only thing that has kept me here are the salary & perks and my girl that I work with. No….really……she is my one confidant in this whole place and because of a bad string of events in her life, and her subsequent frequent call off’s she has been written up for the last time, prior to being fired. And just like with me….she cares, but she doesn’t care. She is a single Mom and has NO damn family to depend on and yet being away from here is almost worth the subsequent struggle she will endure to find a job and regian her work ethic. My boss is like a cancer what infects everything. Maybe she only infects blacks, because this white man I work with deals with her JUST FINE. Hmmmmmph. But then again she respects him because he has knowledge that she flat-out does not. So, she can’t pull that “no matter what you say I know more than you do” card like she does with me and my girl.


I remember when I was BRIGHT EYED **blinka, blinka** and bushy-tailed. When I had HOPE that I could make a difference in the work world, when I thought that you (whites mostly) were innocent-before-being-proven-guilty. I remember. I am just in my mid 30’s. It wasn’t so long ago. I am jaded now. I constantly see whites (with mediocre at FUCKING BEST qualifications) being pumped and pushed RIGHT on up the damn food chain. White boys especially. You say "Robyn, that's just how it is"? I know, but I hate it nonetheless. Now, my anger isn't solely being taken out on whites I work with but it is REALLY being taken out on those that started this racist, elitist corporate working world we are in (i.e. the whites from way back,so I guess it does go back to them anyway). I hate it. I do not hate white people. I hate how the work world TREATS whites and "the rest of us" differently".

And being in HR has made me even MORE cynical and jaded because I SEE the shit that goes on and how salaries are pumped up (often un-fucking-justafiably) and how (for example)preference is given. There is this bitch who is a manager of a GLOBAL operation (who is as goofy and green as Howdy Doody) has 1)become a manager 2) has NEVER managed SHIT before and 3) is still here, just because she’s a white girl. Her predecessor had more than 15 years of experience and made almost 6 figures (she makes 1/2 of his salary...thank GOD they got that part on a somewhat equitable level) and was responsible for the management of the emergency notification system across the WHOLE WORLD for our client (one of the Big 3), but this chick who worked in the department RIGHT.OUTTA.COLLEGE, had NO mangement experience, gets put in there???? what in THEE fuck is that about???????

It.makes.me.sick.

Now in the meantime, my girl's whole JOB DESCIPTION changed,responsibilities increased waaaay past what she was doing (a level 2)when she came and outside of the scope of her original job description. She got no increase in pay and when she brought it to the attention of our boss, the bitch-ass VP of HR (with charts and graphs and statistics on wage ranges for her job in OUR area of the country mind you), she was shut the FUCK DOWN. She wanted a simple $2000 increase which would not have even taken her to the MEDIAN of the range of the job that she was really doing (a level 3 job), and my boss goes to talking about how she has to “check” and see if the regional director of compsation would go for it, because her job description as it stands does not accommodate that type of increase. Yeah, I know the name of the game is "get-as-much-out-of-muhfucka's-as-you-can-without-paying-them-more", but this was rediculous! You see, she was really doing this level 3 job, but getting a level 2 salary JUST because she doesn’t have a Bachelors. Her new description almost IDENTICALLY matches the one for a level 3.

Don’t you now that BITCH (my boss) hung her out to dry with that ole "the level 3 position requires a bachelor's" bullshit???? If it had been ME....baaaayby......shit would NOT have gone down like that. I would have made her and prove to me why this can't happen and we would've been talking to the president of our division about this shit. Cause you would have to PROVE to me why that other little phrase "a bachelors OR work equivalent" did NOT apply to my ass!! My boss dug her heels in and stuck on that shit as the reason she could NOT give her a raise and justified her “increase in responsibility” as the “other duties as assigned” part of damn near everyone’s job description. *smdh* I would have made a huge ass stink over THIS shit because you shall NOT work me like a Hebrew AND NOT pay my black ass. uh-uh. not gonna happen.

But yet I know of another assistant who got a RAISE AND got an assistant ( did you hear me???? the ASSISTANT was given AN ASSISTANT. WHAT.THE.FUCK????)because she “was doing sooooooo much work” and the “client approved the raise”. Whatever man. It seems like whenever it’s a black person, there ain’t no “client” approval, but when it comes to the whites, it gets rubber stamped and passed through before I can completely finish typing this sentence. It’s horrible. I think that I would not be so bitter about this if I wasn’t privy DIRECTLY to people’s situations, education and resulting salaries. ( I feel ya X.......I am DEFINITELY like the Dorothy AFTER her ass saw the inner workings of the damn wizard!)

This is why I HATE corporate America. I no longer trust ANYBODY (other than my girl I work with). I trust my girl for a couple of reasons. 1. I have known her for 4 years, during which time, we have become true friends and 2. she KNOWS intimately the treatment and corporate bullshit that I speak of since we work in the same department.

My fear? That I will go someplace else and still be JUST as jaded and really BE that angry black worker that white folks talk about. You see I used to take soooooo much SHIT and sarcasm and inappropriate commentary from my boss, whereas my girl NEVUH did. And guess what I discovered? SHE get’s more respect than I DO !! An assistant gets MORE respect than a manager! DA FUCK?????? I swear, she has ALWAYS been Q.U.I.C.K to check you if you are inappropriate. So, since a couple of years ago, I have been like “fuck that……that bitch disrespects ME, she will NOT get away with it”. I have found that the LESS you stand up for yourself, the more you get pissed on and MORE people will take your "kindness for weakeness". But you see the seeds had already been sewn when it comes to how my boss acts with me. Therefore,now, for each of her smart assed comments, I fire one RIGHT back at her ass. If I am getting pissed because I am trying to get a point across (calmly) and she just won’t listen and starts being a damn asshole, I inform her “O.K….. this conversation is over because I am getting upset” amd I walk OUT of her office. (yeah I'm surprised I wasn't fired already too, but it's because THAT bitch also knows she's wrong). But she keeeeps thinking that I am that person that I showed her in the beginning, and she continues to try me. That’s because that’s what I showed her. I inadvertently “taught” her how to treat me. She doesn’t get it now that I don’t take her shit.

Yeah, yeah, nig-a-ro's...I know, I know... I can hear you SCREAMING at me to leave this funky ass job before it overtakes me totally. I know, I know. I have become spoiled though. That is my achille's heel. I LOVE what the combo of what my husband and my salary allows me to do. And personally, I do NOT want to go into a job where I have to "Work like a slave" JUST to have the same salary. NOR can I afford to "stay at home". I just want a comfortable,pleasant work environment that pays well and doesn't make me want to snap at the LITTLEST thing at the end of the day. Because besides me having a heart-attack from the lack of adult stimulation, I would REALLY feel like I wasn't "doing anything worthwhile". I want to work, but I want it to be "smarter work" not "harder work". Who really wants to work like a slave???? I for one do not. Yeah, I hear you..... I hear that old saying "what does a man profit, if he loses his soul" (or something like that).....yeah, yeah I feel that too. Which is why I AM looking for another job. As a matter of fact, I will go do some MORE looking right now.

Cynically yours,
Robyn