I can't win

I have come to the consensus within myself that this job is just that…a damn job. I like it less and les everyday (the actual duties, that is). I think that I should just trust my instincts when it comes to MY.DAMN.SELF sometimes. The reason that I do not like what I am doing is because I have NEVER wanted to be doing what I am doing…… doing recruiting as my sole job. I have always said that I NEVER wanted to do this and this alone. I knew that there were times in my old job when I had to do recruiting all day long that I’d be just all irritated because I was tired of talking to muthafuckas. But I have to have the lifestyle that I have to have. Or else, I believe that I could just be at the crib NOT working and going back to school. I am really considering this. But then again, I am really considering NOT doing that too. I am full’a contradictions. I have no answers. I just know that I feel burnt out already.

I am a lazy, slow-paced to medium-paced person by nature if left to my own devices. I am all about working SMARTER. This is why this job is sooo hard. I am not saying that I do not want to work, but this job is turning out to be more about "monitoring" our every move than it is about getting a fuckin job done if you ask me. You see, because we are constantly monitored and graded and for lack of a better word, "big brother'd" it is very distracting from getting ones fuckin job done.

I really know that this is not my last stop..... I wish I could transfer to another division (not because of Boss Diva.... I love her ...but because of the way they have her running things. They are on HER ass, so she is on ours. I try to remember that but it is hard to seperate the like that I feel for her and the HATE that I feel for the processes she enforces on us. I need to transfer to another realm in HR but can't until I have been there for 9 months. It was only THREE as of yesterday. I am already burnt out and feel irritated with theidea of gettin up and going to work.

It used to be that I hated my boss & the company who didn't appreciate SHIT, but didn't mind the work, now it's the EXACT polar opposite. LOOOVE the boss, Love the company, HAAAAAAAAATE the duties. I get so dang-dog TIRED ot talking to people alllllllllll day and that's ALL I do. It's mindless and boring. I wish I could be one of those people who are just resolved to the "It's just a job.... I don't take it home...I can just do a job and go home". I am not like that. I wish I were. Life would be easier if I were not so high strung sometimes, but I am. What can I say. I can only keep working on me and working on having the fortitude to keep going until I get to my 9th month so I can HOPEFULLY transfer to another department in the company. Sometimes ti just feel like I can't win.

Pee with me?

Why is it that women have to go to the bathroom together?

I am asking this because I was about to go to the bathroom and one of my black co-workers (who I am cool with) said "Oh, I'll go with you". Now, I am sitting there thinking "uh...that's aw'iight pimpette.... I'm a big girl... I can go by MYSELF!" LOL

But she traipsed her ass in there anyway, as I cannot tell a grown assed woman she can't pee when she wants to!

But here's my thing..... I HATE it when people are even in the bathroom with me when I pee, HENCE my loathing of public bathrooms. It's just something about you being a flimsy-ass metal sheet away from someone who is doing one of the most (supposedly) private acts on earth!!! It's really DISGUSTING to me. Hearing it, smelling it (you all know folks, be letting out gas when they pee and sometimes (ladies please co-sign with me) bitches have just plain and simple ass funk---sometimes--- and it in general can be smelled from the stall NEXT to you!)


UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

So, with that said, I would prefer if there was NO ONE with me to hear me pee or smell my farts!!!! Dayummit! That's probably why I can't STAND talking to someone in the next stall while I am in there! I was in the bathroom yesterday and BossDiva came in and sat in the stall RIGHT.NEXT to me!!! The reason I knew it was here is that she was talking to someone as she entered the bathroom and I heard her voice. Do ya'll think I uttered a WORD???? I was also hoping she didn't look and see my boot and say "Robyn is that you?" as I was getting my pants up and on ! I HATE bathroom banter! It seems so inappropriate! And I don't care if it's my BEST friend, my momma, or WHOEVER!!! Don't chat it up with me when I don't even condone us being THIS close to each other's "personal" bidness!!!! UUUUUGH!!!! And my best friend is good for wanting to use the "buddy" system when going to the bathroom. She is all things "girlie" and fru-fru-ie and likes that we're doing the "girlie thing" of going to the bathroom together....after all that's what girls do, right???? Well, let's start there..... I am a woman ----- not a fuckin girl----- I do not NEED yo ass with me for company , protection or anything ELSE in the potty! LOL But she gets REALLY irriated and we have actually gotten into ARGUMENTS because we've been out before and I have REFUSED to go with her! So, now, I just suck it up and go...even though I am cringing all the while! To me it's worse if someone you KNOW is able to "hear" you pee! I could care less about strangers! Well..not really... I hate for THEM to be in the bathrom too! LOL

So, if ya'll see me in the bathroom.... DON'T holla!