This is bugging me....

The black girl that sits next to me is aloof....off-putting often-times. I think it's me. nah.... can't be. I am one of THE most friendly, easy-to-get-to-know/get-along-with people i know. She is young. And weird. Well....weird in a very private way....

Let me give you some details.....

She is professional and has a more mature "way" about her...older than her years let on. She has a 3 year old boy child whom she parents alone. I feel for her because that is difficult. It is not easy being the mother of a boy with no male parent around. She is extremely private, so I really don't know what her existence is like. Shs is so private that her son , though he has been allowed to be around some guy she is dating, doesn't even know her "kinda-man's" name....nor will she even tell us (ANY of us) her wo-workers his name when we are all talking in general conversation. And I get the "some people are just private" thing.... but if you tell us about him, why would you not tell us a first name???? I mean come on! We WON'T know him girlfriend! WTF???? Please get over your chastity belt wearing uptight ass!!! That bothers me. While NO ONE has to tell their business.... what does it hurt to say a first name???? I mean really.......

Maybe she will open up more once I have been here for awhile....but what's awhile? I have been here for two months all-dayum-ready. (***insert WTF face***)

Back to the son....she wont let her son watch anything (cartoons or otherwise) that isn't "educationally based". Really? He's 3 sis. Ease up.... there will be time for stringent scholarly pursuits later. She also has strict rules as to when and what kind of snacks may be eaten by him,as well as other harbingers of future school teachers.

She is approximately 10 years younger than me. Her with a 3 year old and me with a 4 year old.... there are inherently different parenting styles. She brought her son to work last week because she was leaving early for the day because....she refuses to let him take part in Halloween.....just because.... no religious reason to speak of.... just doesn't believe in it. Won't even let him get a costume as a fluffy bunny to play in....just doesn't believe in it. I think people like this are too serious and need some "happy medicine" or something. He is the cutest and sweetest boy and since I sit right next to her, we became fast friends. I thought that with her as a mom he would be withdrawn and quiet and....well.... like her.

But back to her and I. I like forming some type of "comfortable bond" with the people (ES.PEC.IALLY the black people) that I work with. She won't allow it and I have tried to figure out why. Oh and by the way, it's not just me. There's a guy who ----a black guy----started at the SAME time with me and he said the same thing ----- she's a different bird and seems to not have much to say to us. Maybe she just takes awhile to "warm-up" to people. But I am a person who will say good morning to my "cube-mate" even if I am in a pissy-ass mood. I am the person who will talk to anyone. I am the person who embraces being more friendly with people because I spend more fuckin WAKING hours HERE than at home! She has walked past my cube many times today, without so much as a hello or acknowledgement that she and I have not uttered a word to each other. I'm starting to get an attitude about it....ti being the way she is. And the way my desk faces, you practically look me RIGHT.IN.THE.FACE when you are coming down the path to our desks.

The guy who started with me said " you know, it's like if you ask her a question.... she gives you the SHORTEST answer possible....almost like "can you beat it" type of feeling" . He said it. LOL .But interestingly enough she's best buds with the white chick that sits on the other side of her who is just a few years younger than me & the guy that was hired at the same time as I. (i.e. it CAN'T be the age thing....)

Now, I do not have to be your best friend, but there have been times when I had to ask a question and they were just standing around having general conversation and she all but ignored me....i.e. using non-verbal dis-inclusional cues (e.g. not looking at me, not responding to a comment I make so as to say "umm... you weren't in this conversation and I refuse to acknowledge you", continuing the general conversation until I MAKE my question known).

I don't get it. And really and truly I don't think she's jealous or anything like that. I am not going to say that she doesn't like me either. She's just weird. Maybe I am too "old" for her group. I have felt this same kind of "don't fit in" feeling around my niece (who is 26 ) as I sometimes feel around her. Do I need to necesarily "included"? In a work-friendly sense I guess I feel like it's just the "courteous" thing to do.

She is a grade level lower than us and has less experience than us, yet performs basically the same functions as us. Interesting. Maybe she's intimidated **shrug**. Dunno. But I do know that her essence is starting to get under my skin.....