Monday, March 24, 2008

Back

Hey all, since I last posted I went and came back from Atlanta for my husband's grandmother's 80th birthday celebration. It was supposed to be a surprise but his cousin's daughter Lea (age 4 7/8), told her the birthday girl, "GiGi, Tee went to the store to get decorations for your party ...she didn't go to the grocery store".

And there went the surprise! LOL

Here are a few pics:


Cousins having fun!


Fun times in his cousin's Bouncy thing


Me & my husband at the party.


We had a good time and can I just say that I REEEEALLLY wanted to move there more than ever this time I went???? There are several reasons for this statement. One, it was like 70-75 degrees in Mid-March and we won;t see that ish until AT LEAST the beginning of June with any regularity (probably like the MIDDLE of June to be exact....). Number 2, if you all have been reading this stuff for awhile, you all know that though I have family here (albeit a small family, I have an older brother, sister and one niece and one nephew...nope...no aunts and no uncles) here. But it is almost IMPOSSIBLE for us to "coordinate" with them to take our son off our hands and watch him if we want to do anything! It is the most frustrating thing about having a small family and not being near my husband's family, bar none. The one person who WOULD do it is my niece, but she is sooooooo tied up into her husband's family and their goings-on, that either she is too busy, she's also in grad school, or spending time with her husband. I damn sure can't blame her, and this is MY child, but what happened to "it takes a village...." cause my village is non-existent. For real. And I feel that stress and my marriage oftimes feels that stress of NEVER really being able to go out or do things with each other because we don't have someone to watch out son. So......the fact still remains that I can't rely on my family for help..... hardly ever..... and it's hard to get that outlet.

And before you all ask..... I had (notice i say "had") a babysitter 3 doors down, but her family MOVED and pretty much everyone else on our street is a teenage male (not feeling THAT demographic for a babysitter....sorry if that's sexist, but **shrug** oh freakin well...) or they are too young. I do not know other "teens" in the neighborhood that babysit either. And as you know, my mother lives in Florida and my husband's mother lives in Georgia. But the saving grace has been Melvin's and my girl( Diva's families. The problem there is that we cannot "ask all the time" or as my mother used to say "wear out your welcome" like you might try to do with your OWN family :-) Also, the people that will sometimes keep OUR son, may need to keep my girl and HER huaband's son (my Godson) who is about to turn 2! So, that also limits us, after all, they are "like family" ...but they are NOT our family and whatever way you slice it....there IS a damn difference! Feel me??

Can I just say that it was soooo effortless for my husband's cousin to take my son and keep him at her house, and trust, this was not JUST because we were only there for a few days.... this is just how it would be! My husband has a whoooooole lotta people that we could have keep our son! I mean, I can't even lie.... that alone makes me want to move down there! He gets to play with his cousins (who are his age, of which there are NONE up here in my family) and Mommy and Daddy get some "parent-time" and probably some of our own individual "me-time" back without one or the other solely having the little one.

Don't get me wrong, it was OUR choice to have a baby and it is OUR son. So, I am not trying to say I want to shirk my parental duties in ANY way. But everyone needs time...... and needs it more than once a year. Do you know that our son has NEVER spent the night away from us EXCEPT for when my mother came up here and we went to Chicago 3 years ago???? Uh...yeah. We haven't been on a vacation since. Because there is always "that issue" of "well.... who could he stay with for 3-7 days if we go somewhere????????" It's just a logistical nightmare and financially expensive undertaking JUST for us to "go on a trip"...... feel me????

So with that said..... I yearn for that kinda of support and those of you who have it... have NO.IDEA. how lucky you are. Trust me... you are very lucky because not having extra support does take it's toll.....

***DIVA THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU BECUASE YOU REMIND ME ALL THE TIME THAT YOU ARE VERY THANKFUL TO HAVE YO PEOPLE!!! LOL ***

Carving out time for yourself is tough and though I'd miss my friends dearly, if my husband would be up for moving (which, because he likes the stability of his position where he works and the fact that we would have a hard as HELL time selling this house in this f'ed up market), I'd be all over it.....becuase it is no JOKE not having people around to help... for real.....Truth be told, in a perfect world, I would just be able to have the help I need HERE and not move, but that isn't reality and the help would be worth it to move. My husband agrees that the help would be worth it, but we'd have to find jobs,etc. and not just any job, the RIGHT.ONES that would allow us to pay bills and maitain a lifestyle, feel me??

So, who knows, maybe one day we will.....

9 comments:

Too Serious said...

I was a part of the village for a while. My bad..I kinda fell off. But I loves my Snooka! And I feel you...me and Bay are moving out of state and I'll be miles away from EVERYBODY that I know. =(

Disco said...

I'm not even gon fake the funk....it's more than a notion. That is not said to scare you, but it really does take a toll when you and your spouse have no time jsut to pick ya ass if you wanted to or regain part of "what makes you...you"...ya know? I be stressed....

Shai said...

I am one of those people. I purposely did not move out of the neighborhood I grew up in because I had so much support. I had my mom in the flat above me, my grandma, my grandfather(died in 2000), cousin, aunt and uncle on my street. Down the street my daughter's grandma, her aunt and cousins lived. So I had mad support from both sides when I was in school and working. I cry at how things have changed and folks have passed away.

My daughter will be 18 and now she helps my grandma take care of my cousin's baby. Hell, she has helped take care of my other cousin's kids. So we support each other.

My daughter had a rich life with folks who knew my fam for generations looking out for her when she played outside. My fam has been there for over 50 years and the block had some tight families who have been there just as long.

Sorry for the long comment, I just was thinking how my block has went down and how I have to go. My grandma I wish could move but she won't. I will miss her closeness. *sighing* Time sure flies and things change so much.

diva said...

I can tell you that it is a blessing to have family around when you have a child. My in-laws and my sister are are GOLD to me. You hear me, GOLD!!!! They help out even when I don't ask them too. I have been sick off and on all year (and it's only March), my in-laws and my sister have been there for me. So when I say I THANK GOD FOR FAMILY, I mean that in the must humble way that I can possibly be.

It's nice to have a break to just sick on my butt, go shopping, get your hair or nails done and even clean my house and have some private time with the hubby.

That Girl Tam said...

Now...although I DO have family here, during the 3 years when my mother and I were estranged, I really didn't have anyone to turn to. She pretty much took the rest of the family with her when she cut me off - which totally sucked. At the time I wasn't all that close with my in-laws and never really HAD been ever since XL and I hooked up. So believe me, I KNOW what it's like to get NO me-time...no hang time with the girls...no hang time with my man. It was WHACK!

After LL was born, my in-laws started coming around more and they became a blessing.

As a provider (your husband) WILL BE a tough sell on the move - especially when the housing market sucks ass like it does. This is a buyer's market - not a seller's market. I say test the waters...before even considering making a move like that, start lookin into the job market.

I have a friend who moved to ATL from Cali last summer and he's doing quite well...and loves it out there...especially since he has no reason to come back here - his family is THERE. If it's supposed to "be", it will be...be patient and take a dep breath...

((hugs))

Anonymous said...

girl, you are SO beautiful! and your child is adorable.

Disco said...

@Anon: Thank you so much for the sweet compliments! You making me blush!
@Tam: thanks girl {{hugs back}} I know you feel me, thanks for the words of encouragement girlie! I appreciate you!
@Diva: If I could clone your inlaws...I SWEAR I would!! LOL
@Shai: Girl.... you are lucky!!! And I understand too much that time simply flies away..... but you had your gramma when you needed the help :-) That's a good thing :-)

That Girl Tam said...

Ok, can you post again already? Damn...

Disco said...

LOL @ Tam.... O.K. girl.... I will get on this tomorrow! :-)