On vacation......

“If you want me you can find me in the A!……” ~Kryptonite

Hey good people, I know it’s been a minute AGAIN since I posted something. For that I sincerely apologize. I am in Atlanta on vacation as we speak! I am sooooooooooo glad to be on vacation and away from that dayum tyrant of a boss that I deal with. I am off until the Tuesday after Memorial Day and it is not a day too long! I have been NEEDING a damn vacation and a 3-day weekend here or there just don’t do it for me anymore. I remember when I was younger (early 20’s) when a 3 day weekend was enough for me not to feel agitated and would leave me feeling refreshed. But NOW??? Only a week at a time leaves me feeling like I didn’t sleep with the muthafucka that I work with last night.

We’d been planning on coming down to Atlanta for about 3 months now, and at first we ‘d decided to fly. After all it’s quick and for those of us (me) that HATE long car trips it’s simply superb. But then my husband (the flossin’ nigaro that he is) just got a 2007 Tahoe and wanted to DRIVE (I know it was just to show off the truck because with gas a fuckin high as it is we ain’t saving THAT much money! Hmmph!). So, the truck has a DVD player and since our son has recently become fascinated enough to sit still to watch a movie, he figured that this would be a good thing. Me? I’m thinking “I don’t wanna drive because MY ass might not be able to take the trip. Forget if the kid can take it, MY ASS might not be able to take it! LOL

So, against my better judgement, we decide to go. So, we thought that if we left at night it would be better so that baby monkee could sleep at LEAST 5-6 hours of the TWELVE HOUR trip. Did ya’ll here me?? 12222222222222 hours with a 23 month old in the car. A courageous endeavor to say the least!!! So, we get the water, the soda, the juice, milk for the monkee, got clothes, toiletries, books THREE Elmos’s and pleeeeeenty of DVD’s INCLUDING his favorite Monster’s Inc., which I have seen at LEAST 50 times in the last 3 weeks alone, but that he acts as if he’s never seen it EVERYTIME it comes on! So, we’re all set. We decide to leave at about 1:00am so that we could both get some sleep and be a little bit rested.

Well, 1:00 turned into 2:30 am since we had BOTH worked on Friday and we were BOTH tired as hell from doing last minute preparations to leave. So, we get the monkee up, put him in the car in his jammies and set out. Now first of all, you’d think this lil niglet would go back to sleep right???? Noooooooooo. He was UP until like 5:30am and then only slept for ONE SOLITARY HOUR the whole rest of the trip **SIGH** But actually I shouldn’t be making it sound worse than it was because he did REMARKABLY well. He only got fidgety in the last 2 hours and that’s about when my patience ran out too.

So, we’re floating along and making good time. I took over driving about 4 hours in and was feeling rested. Then it happened. I went around a curve and couldn’t see a fucking cop and that muthafucka stopped me and gave me a ticket! BASTARD! I was doing 82 in a 65. This jackass comes up to the car with the usual “Ma’am, do you know how fast you were going?” I wanted to be like “obviously not fast enough to out run yo cracka ass!” But I restrained myself having seen the movie Crash and being paranoid now. My husband says “yeah, it’s just been a long night with the little one”, which I chorused in on and seconded that. Now, our son, is in the back saying “hi! Hello! Hi! Hello!” I wanted to say to him “STOP TALKING TO THIS MUTHAFUCKA who is about to give me a fucking ticket!!” I literally can’t remember the last time I had a ticket! It was at LEAST 15 years ago.

Now, I am sitting here on the verge of tears for several reasons: #1,because I pride myself on not having tickets and being ticket free,#2 which goes along with #1, I am thinking just FUCKING GREAT, now my AUTO insurance is going to go UP! FUCKKKKKKKKK! And the BIGGEST reason #3, is because the company I work for has a FUCKED up policy where you cannot have 2 at fault accidents OR more than 2 moving violations in a 24 month period or you WILL.BE.FIRED. Did ya’ll here me? And this is for EVERYONE in the company whether you drive a company vehicle or NOT. I have SEEN people be fired for it. Not many, but it still happens. And to boot, there is a countrywide-DMV check run on EVERYONE’s driving record, each and EVERY year,so if you get a ticket in Alaska, it will show up. So, though I’m not in jeopardy of being fired now, I only have ONE more strike. So, I am thinking ALLLLLLLL of this (in between the time I got pulled over and the time I get the fucking ticket) and I am just getting MADDER, and MADDER. The asshole cop brings me back the ticket and as he is explaining that I was actually going FASTER becuase he didn't clock it until I had passed him and I had put on brakes, and what to do to pay this $175 TICKET and I am sitting there simply seething and paying him NO attention and was just as oblivious to what he is saying. He might as well have been talking like the characters in a Chalie Brown cartoon…. “waah, wah, wah, …..wah…wah….wah…wah…”. Because it was all I could do to keep it together because I was shook with a capital “S”. After that I REALLY didn’t wanna drive (cause I DAMN SHO couldn't afford to get a SECOND ticket and hadn't even MADE it to Atlanta yet!)and was pissed. So, as the cop was leaving he goes “O.K. ma’am…. Take it easy and slow it down….especially with the little ones in the car”. Do ya’ll know how I wanted some kinda alien from outerspace to come down right then and snatch his fuckin head off so when I testified as to how he died, I could have said in good conscience “I don’t know WHAT mangled his head into 10,000 shards of flesh…..” **shrug**

Yeah.... I was pissed off like THAT!

So, as I roll up the window, I SNATCHED the gear shift into drive and yelled “FUCK!!”. My husband IMMEDIATELY screams “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?????!!!!!!!!” Referring to my “abuse” of his car. We immediately got into a fucking argument as I am now driving AND crying, mad as hell and flustered. He’s like “ JUST PULL THE FUCK OVER! I’LL DRIVE THE REST OF THE WAY” (which at this point since we were only in Kentucky was about another 6 ½ hours). I’m like “FINE! Cause if YOUR ASS hadn’t have insisted that we DRIVE, MY ASS wouldn’t have gotten a TICKET !!”

***crickets…..***

Why did I say that? Because at THAT point my husband just STOPPED talking to me because of me saying that and blaming my ticket on him. (yes, it was wrong, but I was really feeling that way at the time….true displacement of anger for ya’ll psychology folks).

So, the rest of the trip was pretty shitty because I am DEFINITELY the type of person who is stubborn and once I am in a funk, I am NOT coming out until I GETGOOD AND DAMN READY. Can’t help it, it’s just a flaw I’ve come to accept about myself. And being in some cramped ass quarters with a 23 month old who is getting fidgety and a husband who has an attitude because YOU have an attitude does NOTHING to help assuage my attitude. Top that off with the fact that we were BOTH operating off of less sleep than normal and you have a recipe for attitude’s abounding.

So, when we were about 2 hours away I felt a little better (though me & my husband hadn’t been talking much since then), and I decided I’d drive the rest of the way. Well, we got here and since then I haven’t really thought about the ticket.

So..... all I can do is pay the damn ticket and be very careful. At this point I am not gonna focus on it and have a good vacation. And the best part of this vacation for me is that we’re going to see all the movies we don’t have a chance to see (due to lack of folks to leave the litle one with) at home because not only is my husband’s Mom here, MY mom came up from Florida as well, so he has TWO grandmama’s to watch over his lil booty. For that I am grateful and happy that I can get some rest…….

And all is well again…..
Carry on…..

“…to be continued….”