All I got

So…. It’s been a while since I posted. Ain’t nothing much changed…… I am getting more used to being overworked and feeling like I can never catch up (just a little bit)….. ½ of me feels like “FUCK IT….. I can only do what I can do”, then the other half of me (the part that wants to do a good job) feels like “O.K….. new day, new chance to catch up”, but the latter never comes. So I just rely on the first sentiment and keep it moving.


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I am still inundated with shit to do at work and never seem to have a chance to even FIND the time to blog, bullshit or do ANNNY of the shit I used to do at work and I miss it. The reason is simple. Dig the equation:

People who want EVERYTHING yesterday + a work culture that supports it + more work to do than is accomplishable in a reasonable 40 hour work week + me NOT staying late and NOT really fucking WANTING/having the oportunity to do work at home

= My life in stress


This is why shit is stressed. The shit is not rocket science. But shit just piles up and I never seem to catch up. Check this out……..This bastard sent me an e-mail yesterday which basically said that he was pissed and (and I quote) “at a loss for words……. because Ms. Such-and-such that I referred to the company has NOT been given a call and I sent you this e-mail (an e-mail talking about how great his dumb-ass friend is)2 weeks ago”.

I sooooooooooo started to send him some shit that said basically “muthafucka she ain’t OWED SHIT if you ask ME”. But you know I can’t do that. And this company is so fanatical about returning calls/customer service that the founder/president told EVERYONE in the orientation that he would PERSONALLY (and I fuckin quote), “root you out if you do not return calls…..” He said that when he get s a call that there is a complaint (from outside customers more so) that you haven’t returned a call, he WILL.CALL.YOU to ask you “why”. I was thinking “are you serious dude????!” This is an organization with over 4,200 people in it and you will CALL.ME if someone complains about something as simple as me not returning a call?????? So, you know that I was super paranoid when I got that shitty-ass e-mail from this jackass! I just am sooooooo busy that shit does slip through the cracks! I thought that I was pretty organized, but I have never had 20 things going on at once like there are here. Usually there were 5-10 things going on, NOT 20 things. Know what I mean?? And there was far less pressure to “get EVERYTHING done NOW”. Also, the thing that makes this job MORE frustrating is that we (the recruiters) have to report EVERY.WEEK in a meeting, how many interviews we had, how many supervisory interviews we had, how man offers were made, how many offers were signed…… I am NOT used to being tracked EVERY.FUCKIN.WEEK and I do NOT like it!!!! That’s WAAAAAAAY too much attention to my every move! I hate that.

The only bright spot in this: The day flies by……

But I can NOT seem to shake the feeling that I just want to be able to do as I did for five years….. bullshit AND get work done….. and that simply AIN’T reality. So, as it sounds…. I am making some peace with it or just resolving to the idea that it is what it is.

I have been thinking about this and today I am so irritated because it just seems like I am so behind….ALL THE TIME….. I know that I am still in a “learning curve” but I hate being in that stage and in EVERY OTHER JOB that I have EVER.HAD I had time to acclimate comfortably(see: 3-4 months) or even LONGER than that.

I am not a quitter, and by even thinking “I’m not sure if I can do this”, I feel like I am giving up in some way, so I keep thinking that maybe I am 1. being to hard on myself and that it will get easier. So, a natural question (as was Zed's question) is "Are OTHER mufucka's all running around like crazy and do they seem pressed?" My answer is no. I do know that the others do NOT have as MANY jobs as I do (other than my boss..after all,...she IS still a recruiter so she DOES recruiting too). But I SWEAR the other mu’fucka’s do NOT seem as “pressed and stressed” as I am!!! Only one other person on the team has a child and her ass got THREE of them….all 6 yrs and younger! So I know she don’t be staying all late and shit, but my boss, Boss Diva, stays late (as in until 8:30-9:00 almost EVERY.NIGHT. and at least 2 of the other ones stay late too. That ain’t me. Not only can I NOT stay like that, I have a kid and even if I didn’t, I DO.NOT want to stay that late.

Yeah I know this complaining about this is getting old, but I am continually frustrated about it. Always pressed….can barely take a lunch….am working (for real, for real) from the moment I step IN THERE until I leave!). The only thing that is saving them is that I like the company and what it stands for……

Anyway…… that lil boy is the main reason I am doing this… providing another income to allow him/me/us to live a decent lifestyle…….





I am asking Boss Diva again tomorrow “Am I doing enough????” , cause I can’t gauge shit!

Second week in hell....

My second week in hell……

I ain’t made it to purgatory yet.

Well, things are making more sense here but I am STILL going crazy and as of yesterday when I had TWENTY bodies that are needed to fill 13 separate positions, I almost lost it. On Wednesday I was SO FRUSTRATED that I almost broke down in tears.

My boss, a.k.a. Boss Diva had said “yeah….. you got a few too many positions…I’mma give some of them to African1”. I was thinking cool. Well, she and I had scheduled a time to go over the “workload” and how the jobs were progressing (before she left to go out of town) and just how I was feeling in general. I had been said that I needed to talk to her about the workload. I was given NO. LEARNING.CURVE. I was just thrown into the fire and the heat was getting a little too hot. But I didn’t want her to think “oh shit….. I hired the WRONG person, she can’t handle it”. I didn’t know what to say to her. I was so irritated on Wednesday just THINKING about talking to her that I couldn’t even sleep right. I mean, even though she is black and cool and young and very much more like me than anyone I have worked with in a LONNNNG time….. she is STILL my boss and I STILL got the feeling that because she has been here for almost 3 years that she is “desensitized” to the level of PURE.WORK that they expect people to do around here!

Thought confirmed.

Between Wednesday and Thursday 4 more positions came open. Well, when we went to talk yesterday, she was like “O.K…..I completely understand……. well I will take these 3 and I will give ONE to African1”. WTF?????? ONE?????????????????? He has FIVE bodies that needs for positions. I have 19!!!!! I mean, does she NOT see that what she SAID she would do (i.e. take some pressure off me) was negated by the fact that I really HAD 19 and then when the 4 came in were all that she TOOK I was left in the same boat relatively.

Well, we talked yesterday and I had to tell her that I am FLAT OUT overwhelmed (I didn’t tell her that I wanted to cry the day before). Now, my girls Diva and TS used to work with this girl and when I was telling TS that I Was so upset and overwhelmed because people want EVERYTHING NOOOOOOOOOOW and I am ALWAYS feeling behind, she said “ you know what Robyn? Your boss, BossDiva, was JUST.LIKE.THAT. when she went to that company….I used to talk to her ALL THE TIME and she used to feel just as overwhelmed”. Well, TS made me fedl a bit at ease so I was looking forward to going into this meeting and coming out with at LEAST ½ of the 19 jobs taken away since I HAVE only been here TWO FUCKIN WEEKS.

Uh…… how about (though I love her cause she’s cool) BossDiva has OBVIOUSLY forgotten how stressful it is and how TIME consuming just sourcing, phone screening, interviewing for ONE job is and when you have ALL THESE DIFFERENT people breathing down your THROAT and back, that it’s simply ridiculous cause she took four of the (since Wednesday ) now TWENTY-THREE positions away, but that still left me WHERE? RIGHT THE FUCK BACK WHERE I STARTED!!!!!!!!! So you know what? I now have this feeling about it: I will bust my ass and do what I can, but it will GET done when it GET’S done! FUCK THAT! I just ENDED a stressed all to HELL job (though I was stressed for different reasons) but I am NOT going to be stressed here like THAT too. No. I mean, she just DIDN’T.GET.IT. And I do not know how BETTER to make her get it.

She started trying to problem solve and was like “Well, maybe we can have interview blitz days where all we do is interview…….just tell the managers that they will not see resumes for 5-7 days after the job is posted because you are working on many positions……”. I was thinking “BITCH! Do you NOT remember how it was for YOU???? What I NEEEEEEEEEED is about 8-9 less JOBS to focus on since I am still BRAND-STANKIN-NEW!!!!!! THAT is what I NEEEEED!!!!! Or do you just CARE NOT TO remember how it was for your ass???” And ya’ll I didn’t cut NO words for the most part with her ass. I TOLD HER, FLAT THE FUCK OUT (though I left out the part about being stressed almost into tears….she DAMN sure didn’t need to know THAT!) that I was STRESSED, OVERWHELMED and VERY OVERWHELMED. Period. There was no mincing of words. So I do not understand why I still have 19 jobs and there is African1 floating around with 5 (oops, she gave him ONE of mine, so he has 6) jobs when I was PROMISED some help. Giving him one funky ass job AIN’T help!

I just feel that I need to be more able to “ease” my way , but that apparently ain’t to be. So…… I will make my OWN ease and take it like THAT!

Hmmpph.

Lata.

And don’t be fooled people…..I am STILL happy to have a job!.

My first week in hell

Hello girls and boys!

Here's a recap of my first week at work:

1. These people W.O.R.K. seemingly every second of the day (I am HOPING this is just my skeweing of what really IS). **I AM happy to have a job though**

2. I have no problem with working, but am NOT.USED.TO.WORKING.AT.A.PACE. like that. Period. Nor do I WANT to get "used to" working at a pace like that. I have NEVER had a job where I have been busy damn near EVERY.SECOND.OF.THE.DAY. And fuck that "it makes the day go by faster" shit. **I AM happy to have a job though**

3. This business is growing SO FAST that there are literally 200 (give or take) people hired per month. The recruiting team ain't THAT big. So that's alot of interviewing, talking screening, and hiring. And this business is STILL growing!! That's good and bad.
- Good: Job security.....it ain't tied to automotive THANK GOD, opportunities to move up quickly
-Bad: There is ALWAYS more work to do in LESS time. There seems to be no room to "pace" yourself
**I AM happy to have a job though**

4. The people seem nice and the company for the MOST part is a "young" culture, meaning my rough guesstimate is that about 75-85% of the people are age 21-45. And that INCLUDES senior management! I have allllllways been used to working with old, stodgy, white men (or women)who (sr. mgt-wise)were between 45-65. There is a HUUUUUUGE difference! The ideas are fresher here and due to age, they (unfortunately) work like Hebrews. My ass can NOT be the one staying until 8 and 9pm on ANY night. I have a young child who I HAVE TO pick up (my husband can NOT pick him up on most nights because HE is "the one" in his job to be staying late and shit. Can't have TWO of us, when we have NO oner to pck up our child, so it has to be me.) **I AM happy to have a job though**

5. There is a difference between working hard (which is semi-o.k.) and working like a HEBREW. It "seems" like they work like the latter. **I AM happy to have a job though**

6. I have literally come home with a headache almost everyday and woken up with one too from sheer exhaustion and my nose has "spontaenously" started to bleed on two of those days. I think that is a combo of being off work for two and a half months and not doing SHIT half the time at my last job. ( I had pleeeeeeeeeeeenty of free time at my last job...hell, there were some weeks where I coulda worked reeeeeeeeeally hard for ONE day and took the rest of the week off and been O.K.). I also am having to learn the jobs that I will be recruiting for and the jobs are complicated and it's really like learning a whole new language because of what the jobs entail. Think about how stressful and straining it is to be in "learning mode" for an 8-hour period......where you have to pay "hard" attention and really learn every second because you KNOW you can't afford to be going back and saying "now what did you say...I really wasn't paying that much attetnion before". That is why (I am sure) that I have had these nosebleeds. Too much intense strain on my brain in a very short period of time.

My boss has had me sitting with people and trying to learn the jobs that I will be recruiting for (which is a GREAT thing actually)(but when I say that I have been sitting with people to "job shadow" back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back..... I mean just that! No breaks for a 3 hour period...and new info. with every 30 minute session! WTF???? One day my boss didn't even take into account when she set me up for shit that I needed a LUNCH hour! So, on that day.... I didn't get one because I had to shuttle from one location to the other and didn't have time to stop or it woulda put me behind for all SUCCESSIVE meetings she had me scheduled for!) , in additon to meeting with HER boss, going to a preliminary orientation and just learning other basic shit about the job).

I have been so BUSY this week that on a couple days I barely had time to EAT!!! Now, I personally think that my boss (who is like 30) does NOT realize how stressful of a week she just put me through. She's used to it and maybe because she be staying late as SHIT (she has no husband and no children) she can do shit AFTER most of us leave.....**shrug** But I also feel that I can't tell her "you need to slow this shit the FUCK down and let me at LEAST soak in the culture before you throw me in HEAD-FIRST to the fucking wolves!" because I feel like she might think (to herself) "aww shit..... I TOLD her we were busy as fuck and she CAN.NOT handle it". We don't want her to feel like that because it's not about that. I am a new employee and I haven't even been able to sit and READ through the 2inch thick binder of shit that I was given!!! My theory is that when people are just coming to a job, you need to let them get acclimated SLOW.LY , not snatch them onto the train and leave their legs dangling outside the caboose! And that is how I feel. **I AM happy to have a job though**

5. I hope that this tired.as.shit feeling goes away and shit gets better or I might keep searching. **I AM happy to have a job though**

6. The benefits and little 'perks' are GREAT!!! Also the company's ideas are quite revolutionary and the environment is (minus every employee seemingly being stretched thin) a fun environment to work in. **I AM happy to have a job though**

7. And I have NO idea if I can blog or not (still trying to figure out how "secure " and strict their internet restrictions are....yes,I know..... I ain't trying to get FIRED in week one.) Personally after reading the policy I "think" they do not monitor your shit per se, but I think that there is some kinda direct alarm that identifies you to I.T. if you go on a porn site (becasue in the manual it says "while we don't monitor your internet usage....if you access sites with porn, racially offensive or other similarly offensive sites you WILL be automatically idendified" ...which would NEVER be an issue with me!). But I am just wading in the waters for right now..... ya know? Feeling shit out. Actually, I wanna ask this black girl (cool girl from the hood) if I can go to other sites other than "sites needed for work". Actually, I AM going to ask her..... tomorrow! I know she will tell me!!

So, there you have it. My first week in hell (and I mean that oh-so-lovingly). Hopefully I will move BACK to purgatory at LEAST because I do like the people and the team I am working on (at least I think I do! HA!!!) LOL I know, there's always a learning curve and I don't know how to communicate to my boss (even though she's a young black chick) that though I KNOW we are busy, I need more of a slowed pace to "get in the groove" of the organization. I guess there is no way and I will just have to take it one headache/nosebleed at a time. Take it for what it's worth...... I'm going back to bed and again.... knowing ones limitations is KEY.

I am usually TOO busy too tired to blog at night, so I'll see ya'll when I see ya'll.


**I AM happy to have a job though**

Learning Hard lessons

SIDEBAR: CLICK HERE FOR A****JOB SEARCH UPDATE****


I grew up as an only child, my mother’s prized possession. My mother, a proud, slightly introverted, fiercely protective over me, private and uberly fabulous fashionable woman was always in style. When I was little I can remember going to the then J.L. Hudson’s ,Saks 5th Avenue and a local upscale type of store called Jacobson’s department stores and loving seeing all the clothes. Usually when we went, my mom would buy me a little something and as I got older I came to expect it when we went out. It didn’t take long for me to be lured by the intoxicating elixir that malls entice so many women with. And I was living up to my “genetic predisposition” towards shopping!

I can remember being 9 years old (this was in 1979) and Gloria Vandebilt, Calvin Klein, Sassoon and Jordache jeans were all the rage. Well, G.V. had the matching jean jackets in a plethora of pastels to please everyone. My mom would ROUTINELY buy me these name brand clothes and at that age I can REMEMBER getting a STANK-ASS attitude if she DIDN’T buy me what I wanted, when I wanted it. I was turning into a brat. She would of course threaten not to get me NOTHING and I would still silently pout (if nowhere else but in my mind) and hope that MAYBE she would still get it (whatever “it” was) for me. Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn’t.

Little did I know that my mother, being a single mom, sometimes had no money or little money. She was the type if I asked her how much she made or ANYTHING about her “business” the only answer I would get was a question, “why?” She was fiercely private, even with me. Just the other day when we were talking she said to me “I tried to shield you from the fact that sometimes money was soooooo tight……. *pause*…..sometimes I only had soup for lunch or no lunch at all”. These are things that I have gleaned from her only in recent years. I never saw a hint of that shit. All I can remember is getting MOST of what I wanted and having a normal, happy childhood. When I was a child I can remember Christmas morning’s waking up to at LEAST 30-40 presents under the tree and I looked forward to that SOOOOO much. I remember us living in a fairly upscale downtown apt. (partially because as a single mom she did not want a house with a toddler to raise----she left my father when I was 3----nor did she want to have to even THINK about my father, who was an alcoholic, possibly being able to gain access to our domicile or showing up acting crazy at our door, so she paid MORE to live in an apt. building with a 24-hr lobby guard and underground parking). My father could act a COMPLETE ass when he was drunk. But I never knew how HARD it apparently was for her or what kinda credit card debt she was in.....not until I was WAY grown. She was the type of parent that was DEFINITELY of the “I am yo momma, NOT yo friend and MY business is just that---MYYYYYYY business so don’t ask!”

I think that type of mentality did me both a service and a disservice. On one hand it was great that she shielded me from some of the grown-up harshness of not having or struggling or just being stressed out. I can literally NEVER remember my mother being impatient or cross with me due to her bad day or lack of money. My mother was a constant even keel. I found out in recent years that that is because that is how she deals with things…..she bottles them up until she can’t take it and then shit comes flying out. She says that is something about herself that she wishes she didn’t do. Thing is, I never saw that side of her. On the flip side if I had have seen some of her angst over money or situations, I might not have developed a false sense of “I'm really not worried about what might go wrong.....everything will just take care of itself” that haunts me even today. It is so hard for me to save money. She is and was a great mother and I am glad she doesn’t read this because she might take what I am saying the wrong way and that is far from my intent. But I now know that it is because of how SHE dealt with money that has, albeit unintentionally, taught me how to deal with money and has caused my STILL tumultuous affair with money.

I am a person who believes that because I work hard, I should be able to get whatever the FUCK I want to get and uh…yeah, yeah, yeah….. I’ll pay for it later. When in college and immediately after I had more credit cards than the law allows. I amassed a $22,000 debt in about 4-5 years. I traveled some with friends, shopped, bought Via Spiga shoes like they were Nine West shoes and generally did what I wanted. Then when I was about to turn 30, I decided that enough was enough. I could hardly make the MINIMUM payments on my credit cards and of COURSE the balances BARELY decreased each month. I was so bothered that I PHYSICALLY felt the effects of having that debt hanging over my head. I felt like I was about to develop an ulcer. There were months where after paying bills and gas for my car that I had like $70 for food and I DO NOT take kindly to Ramen Noodles, so I got a second job to help. I hated it. I do NOT like working 2 jobs. I like to relax and fucking CHILL when I come home! I swore EVERY.DAY.THAT.I.WORKED.I consolidated ALL my credit cards except for one Visa with a company that simply talks to your creditors to get you lower payments each month and basically cancels your credit with that store (which DID fuck up my credit) and paid it all off by the time I was 34. I did it 10 days before my 34th birthday.

But my demons still remain. I am 36. I still do not save and I still like to shop , for what I want, when I want (within reason and budget). The credit card debt is nowhere NEAR the 22k, but it’s not zero either. My husband is the EXACT.OPPOSITE. He is a saver. Since we have been together he has , admittedly, “let me have most of the discretionary money each month and because it makes me happy and even though it PAINS him NOT to be more frugal….spend it how I want to and NOT focus on saving”. This is counterintuitive to his soul and we have gotten into MORE BLOW-UP, KNOCKDOWN, ARGUMENTS over money. I just never seem to have enough to do/get/spend what I want AND save. So, I don’t do the latter.

Well, as all of you know my recent job loss has refocused a number of things for me. I will be starting a new gig on Tuesday and prior to the loss of my job, I had begun to really read Single Ma and starting to learn more about money in an attempt to reprogram my hardwired desire to NOT take saving seriously. After all, my mother didn’t save, thusly I never saw the value in saving and I have been “lucky” enough to have someone to bail me out of those few times when I needed some money. Like I said, I do NOT blame her because SHE was never taught and since my daddy didn’t help her out with SHIT, she was IT as far as income. I didn’t have a savings account or a college savings plan. It just wasn’t possible. But I shopped. My mother ALWAYS let me have (within reason) a lot of what I wanted. But the thing I needed was a respect for money. That’s a hard one. I can remember being a kid and my mom saying that she didn’t have money on her for something simple and I’d be like “well, just go get some out of the bank”. To me it was just that simple ---- go get it cause I know you have it----and she never gave me a reason to feel OTHER wise. My momma was college educated and had a master’s degree but those do not make a finance major and if SHE was never taught it, she couldn’t teach me. It is still a demon I face daily. I intend to reverse that with my child and with myself. After all I am nearing 40 with nothing to show for SHIT. This is my coming out and my child is my impetus for change. Change is hard, but I know that I must for the betterment of my family. I am gathering …….slowly…..books on saving and we plan on visiting this guy that I went to high school and college with who is a financial planner very soon. I am also going to enroll in the 401(k) plan IMMEDIATELY. Though I am making LESS than I was at my other job, there is no time or opportunity like the present to get it together and make some positive moves.

Through the constant urging of my husband and maybe a little bit of old fashioned maturity, I see (**I’m getting there**) that I can’t just do what I want to do and not be patient. Oh, and that’s ANOTHER HUGE fault of mine that has been one SINCE probably….birth! I am NOT patient. I would rather have things NOW…..and saving is COMPLETELY opposite of that. I have always felt when I did get a lil money in the bank “DAMN, what I could be DOING with that cheddar!”. I simply have never had a forward thinking mindset.

But I am changing that within myself and my heart so that my child knows how to handle money starting now and much earlier than his mother did.

I got a job!!!

I GOT A JOB YA’LL!!!

O.K, before I get into the glitz-n-glam about my new job (not!), I am gonna say this: It is NOT the job that I wanted but my girl Diva hooked me up with the connect that GOT me this job, so for that and her I am EXTREMELY thankful!!

The job is a Recruiter position, which is something that I have ALLLLLLLLLLLLWAYS said I NEVER (and I repeat,) NEVER wanted to SOLELY do. (murphy’s law huh? That this is the ONE thing –other then payroll—that I said that I.DID. NOT want to do in the HR realm and that is EXACTLY what came my way!) Why? Because I have been an HR Manager for 7 years. Being an HR Manager means that you do a variety of functions in a variety of areas ( employee relations questions, benefits, compensation, recruiting, orientations, training, etc). whereas being a recruiter is just that……. Recruiting. Nothing more, nothing less. ***crickets***

So, my MAIN reason for taking this job is that the pay (though it is less) is only $7,000, less and I have the ability to make that up because the employees in this company get between a 1-25% bonus (with most people averaging between 10-15% !!!!). AND the fact that my black ass needed a job! PRONTO! And the benefits are ALMOST as good as the last company I worked for (the main difference is that the company I used to work for followed the Big 3’s shutdown schedule----meaning I got a week off in July and the WHOLE week of Christmas off…..and PAID…..yeah….I’mma miss THAT shit badly…**big assed sigh**).

The one other downfall of this job is that there is NO.PRIVACY. When I say that I mean that I do not have my own cube. I SHARE a fuckin cube which is set up in a semi-circle set-up and me & my semi-circle-mate sit at either end of the semi-circle. I HATE, and I REPEAT, I HATE this set-up. I need privacy. I have ALWAYS had privacy. At least a fucking cube to myself man!!!! And the WHOLE company is like this!!! My boss SHARES an office which to me looks like a big assed cube! And the bad thing about her office is that her BACK is to the window! (I personally HATE having people sneak up on me and me not know that they are there and I HATE having my back to doors. And I do mean HATE.) I mean, I can’t pick my nose, look at e-mail, BLOG, just relax for a couple minutes or so NOTHING without another bitch looking over my shoulder and possibly judging what I am/am not doing !!!! AND….. I’ll be sitting with my BACK to my semi-circle-cubemate, so who KNOWS if she’s looking at my computer screen if I TRY to say, look at a blog, e-mail……etc…..UGHHHHHHH!!!!!

***SIDENOTE*** Now ya’ll probably are saying how you gon be concerned with BLOGGING & READING E-MAILS and yo ass ain’t even THERE yet and JUST got the job! Well, ya’l tell me (for those of you that have been used to doing it) if your blogging abilities were taken away or if there was suddenly someone looking at EVERY.THING you sent on e-mail that YOU wouldn’t be bothered! Well, that’s how I feel….. I was USED to having those flexibilities (which I viewed as part of keeping me SANE at work) and now they are seemingly gone. Some friends have said that “everybody ain’t working 100% of the time EITHER, so don’t worry….. you won’t be the only one doing “other” things at work”……. Yeah….. o.k….we’ll see.

You know how sometimes if you are having a rough day or just need to have a semi-private conversation a cube provides you with that 5 minutes of down-time to be semi-private, but here…… NOPE! I will see how that works…..cause I have my reservations to be honest. Flatly put….. I don’t like it and probably never will.

The GOOD thing is that the chick who will be my boss is a young (younger than me…..about 30 or so) black chick. I can honestly say that the BEST jobs that I have EVER had were working for the two black women that I worked for. They were EXTREMELY articulate, educated and professional, but BOTH were “real” and fair. This chick seems the same. She already said that her motto is "as long as you get the job done...I don't care.....". And even though she’s younger than me (which is iggin’ me a lil bit) and the fact that I feel like this job is a step DOWN in terms of responsibility and I feel like it might make it HARDER for me to move BACK into a manager’s role…… I am hoping it will be cool.

If nothing else, it IS a job and isn’t that what I needed?????? YUP!!! I just know that if I stay in this role (recruiter) that it WILL be harder and harder to get a managerial job in the future. I know it will. Kinda like if I went from being a manager to customer service for 3 years, they'd look at you like "well you have been outta the functional 'loop' so to speak" and might pass you by for a managerial role. So, I can't stay in this position for long...... I feel that I am handicapping my OWN career by doing so. ya know?? And being black in America is ENOUGH of a handicap that I do NOT need a position that I worked so HARD to get, to be negated by this downgrade. So, if I don’t see some promotional opp’s soon (like within a year), especially given my background….. I’mma be looking again. It’s kinda like going from being a sous chef to a dishwasher…….. so I gotta get back into management…..use it or lose it.

But thankfully I haven’t missed ANY money since I just stopped getting paid on 12/28 and I have gotten 2 weeks of unemployment already and I start on Tuesday. So, I thank GOD for the blessing and the opportunity (yeah, I know I have been all complaining, but I am STILL thankful). So, save the “you shouldn’t be complaining” commentary….. because I am thankful…VERY thankful in fact… but as in everything in life, with some good comes some bad……

I’m just happy to be back to working soon!

The Time is Now.....to make a change.

Where I wanna be…..

There’s something in me that is real that wants to make a difference, and then…..there is something in me that says “fuck it, live for yourself”. But one thing that I have learned about myself (as is true with most humans) I get the most satisfaction from feeling of service.

In the year 2007 there are some things that I want to do.

1. Feel better in my core about the contribution I , personally, am making to the world.
2. lower my blood pressure (because I get so worked up over shit )and take on the old adage “change the things you can and don’t worry about the things you can’t” or something like that.
3. Get back to who “I” am…..and start making my life the best it can be.
4. Really change my eating habits and lose some weight
5. Try not to let other people’s realities control me
6. Be a better mother & wife
7. Control anger and anxiety
8. Save more and desire less


These aren’t necessarily “resolutions” to me they are ongoing goals.

I truly like giving back to people whether it be through my photography (giving people a product that they love), or simply helping someone understand how to do something. So, in looking for another job, I have been trying to put myself in that mind frame in terms of finding a job. I didn’t want to take necessarily the first job that came about. Though I knew the constraints on that. Meaning, I was running out of money. When the money runs out, changes in my lifestyle have to be made. Therefore decisions must be made.

I do not have an official job yet, but there is one in the wings, and the money is still running out…….

New Year MEME

Hey all!

I stole this MEME from Ms. 1969 since I couldn't come up with a topic to blog about! LOL

I hope everyone has been having a great holiday! I am actually feeling much more in the spirit :-) My little one made out like a rat. Clothes, games, games and MORE games. And the bad part is that we still have to go "spend" some money that my m.i.l. sent for us to buy him some stuff! LAWD!

In addition, my husband got me a Zune-pod (it's like an Ipod but manufactured by Microsoft). It's pretty cool! Heck, this is my FIRST MP3 player, so I am ALLLLL geeked! Yes, I must be thee.last.person.on.planet.earth and over age 8, to JUST be getting an Ipod like device. I have the one that is like the 30GB Ipod that has the video and all that. I LOOOOOOOOOVE technology, so the husband did GREAT with this gift! Ya'll know I been online downloading for the past two days, right?? LOL SOOOO excited man! No complaints from me this week! LOL

But all in all, I am glad that my husband is off this week and tomorrow we will be taking the lil one to daycare so that we can just chill, go to the movies and have sum fun!

Well, in case I don't get a chance to say it..... HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all!


1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?

Realize that there are some people whom you simply can’t even hold out any hope of them ever changing, so just let it and them go.


2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions?

I made none last year.

3. Did anyone you know give birth?

Yes, four friends of mine did: Sydney Elizabeth, Giselle Olivia, Chance Dana and (my godchild) Melvin Samuel

4. Did anyone you know die?

no

5. What countries did you visit?

None what so-ever (damn I need to get out more)

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

wooo-hoo! I have a list (ahem): A job I like, a boss I like, savings (I currently have none….yeah I know…. You don’t have to say it), and starting a 529 plan for my child.

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?

The day I got fired (or rather….the day my “position was eliminated”)…..for the first time with no notice

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Not cursing my boss out when I left my last job and walking out with dignity (no I am serious…. You all do not KNOW how many times over the past 4 ½ years I have planned my “exit tyrade” , so this IS a big achievement!)

9. What was your biggest failure?

Arguing with my husband and not being patient with my son at times

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, than God.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Nuttin much…..just a bunch’a little stuff.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Dunno…other than mine (reference #8 above)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Kramer & Bush

14. Where did most of your money go?

On a whole buncha bullshit…. I wasted a lot of money this year…….

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My son’s birthday party and my birthday

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2006?

I’m bringing sexy back….YEAH!

17. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Saving and traveling (we didn’t even make our usual summer jaunt to Chicago this year!)

18. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Complaining, arguing and spending

19. Did you fall in love in 2006?

Nope

20. How many one night stands in this last year?

None

21. What was your favorite TV program?

Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and the now cancelled (dem BASTARDS at ABC) Daybreak

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nope

23. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More money…say……a couple million and being able to be a stay at home mom and have my own business.

24. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

That I have to save and that saving is very important. I have never been a saver. It is hard for me to do, but necessary. Though my household is holding up, if we had have had that “3-6 months” of savings that financial folks tell you to have, we would be a lot less stressed. I will never be in this predicament again.

25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?


It’s like that and that’s the way it is.

The Vortex Effect

Sucked in.

I am getting sucked in. I am getting used to being home and not working,and after all, isn't this what most people WISH they could do? I don't miss getting up at the crack of dawn, rushing to work, dealing with bullshit at work all day, getting off LATE and by the time you get home you have to scramble to cook, do whatever cleaning there is and spend time with the baby. I do not miss that world. Maybe I feel like this because I have NEVER and I do mean NEVER had a job that just DID IT for me. I have never just lovvvvvvvvvved going to work for WORK SAKE. I did like going to work because of some of the PEOPLE from time to time, but I have never found my niche in terms of "what do you want to do that you will REALLY enjoy?" But am I an anomaly? I think not, I think that MOST people do not want to do what they are doing but have to make a living. I undersatand that. But I have to fake it like I just "live and BREATHE HR"....after all, who wants an albeit truthful employee, that would say "ya know the truth is , I am really just here because this is an o.k. job and the money is good and I have to eat". No one would hire me if I told that truth. And I know that the way I am living cannot last, so I have finally started to "enjoy it while I can". I am revelling in the fact that I am getting a breather, shall we say, from that rat race. I am finally beginning to enjoy this lifestyle but .....

I am getting sucked in.

For the moment I am living in an unreal world. The world of in between .....I am still getting paid and I will have unemployment, so I am getting comfortable. Being home ain't that bad (right now). I am getting more appreciative of the space I have and am o.k. (for right now).

This series of events has allowed mte to get the monkey off my back {my evil ass boss} were apparently supposed to happen as they did to take me to the next level,and even my husband says that I am happier since I do not have to deal with her and the rigamoro day in and day out. Truth be told.....I could leave corporate america and NEVER look back and be none the worse. But.....that brings up the fact that my husband while making a good salary does NOT make enough to support our lifestyle. And truth is..... I do NOT want my lifestyle to change.

So, that means I have a dilemna. How to support my lifestyle without going back to the daily grind.

So.....I have already begun to make a change and pursue my professional photography business. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a photographer....since I was a girl. I have stepped out and have begun to "just do it". Problem is, I am still very unsure of myself and though people say that I do god work, I know that I have SOOOOOOOOO much more to learn. I am going to try to enroll in spring classes for photography. But what I really need is a mentor. Someone to SHOW me (I do far better with someone showing me what to do and learning by example.....). I do not know if I will find a mentor though because people simply do not like to "train their competition". ya know? I have someone who's work I am totally in awe of (and he's a black guy)...he took this pic of me & my husband which was one of our engagement pics, but he's soooooo busy. He kinda said he would, but he also kinda (i felt) brushed me off and said that I needed to learn "a few more technical aspects so that when he referred to things he wouldn't have to stop and explain the minutiae", which I kinda took as a dis because that is EXACTLY why I WENT to him,.....because I NEED someomne to EXPLAIN the MINUTIAE!!!!! So.... I was kinda irritated behind that and consequently haven't found one that'll stick yet....

But I do know this...... I am getting sucked in..... I do NOT miss the fake conversations, the inflexibility of most corporate jobs, the 8-5 schedule and the even MORE fake personnel at these jobs. The older I get the thinner my skin gets for these enviromnents and the more transparent I become. Meaning, I used to be able to put up that "suzie cream cheese" smile and fakerie with the best of them, but now, not as much. My nerves are more raw and my patience is way thinner. I am respectful.....as long as you respect me..... and after coming from the last job where that bitch OBVIOUSLY thought I was her muthafuckin kid or something......it makes it WAAAAAAY more unlikely that I will deal with one IOTA of that shit again. I know my bloodpressure was worse for dealing with her. She no longer has her foot on my neck and for that I am grateful!

But back to the lecture at hand.... I am getting sucked in.

I like leisurely getting my son to school (it's nice to just enjoy each other in the morning instead of being agitated and rushing because you are trying to get that last 15 minutes of sleep and are on a "scehedule"), being able to clean the house and have dinner ready BY 6 instead of STARTING at 6 (if I was lucky). But housewife I am not,...I need more to keep me going. Which is why if I do not find a job, I am not going to be that pressed in the interim (until my unemployment runs out), because maybe this really IS my time to make a change, maybe getting sucked in isn't so bad and maybe getting sucked into the vortex will take me to a whole other world....a world that I have only dreampt of.

Much ado about nothin

Well, there's not a whole lot to tell, but let's see what I have...

O.K.... I have been soooooooooo lazy with this whole Christmas thing (read: I stilllll haven't completed the Christmas tree decorating...hell, we JUST put it up LAST NIGHT!LOL) I told my husband that by the time we get it together it will be time to take this monstrosity --- 7 1/2 ft. tree--- down.

We went to a local mall today (Twelve Oaks Mall in Novi) in hopes of having the little one's picture taken with Santa. O.K. why was the Santa SKINNY as hell and the chair he was sitting in made HIM look like an Elf??? Top that off with the fact that there were 6,001 people in line and I was HOTTER-N-HELL in the sweater that I had on, and you have a "hell naw we didn't take narry a picture!". and I thought that the set-up was ugly In comparison to the set-up at another local mall (Somerset). The thing about Somerset is that it is the 'ritzy' mall and though it is my ABSOLUTE favorite mall, to take picture with Santa it costs $30 freaking dollars!!! And you only get 6 pictures (4 x 6's I believe). Maaaan.... Can I just take a picture my DAMN self and get them developed????? I am SHO'LL gon ask!!! Because this is REDICULOUS!!! I can take JUST as nice a picture as them folkscan! HHMPH!!

Well, we'll see. My husband also gave me another option because the building where he works (the one where I used to work before I was recently FIRED...has a FREE Santa picture station and you get one free Polaroid pic but you CAN also take your camera (I know this for sure!) and take your OWN pciture!! And their set-up is always nice. All I know is that I MUST do eomething because though my child has been through TWO Christmases,he has NEVER sat on Santa's lap..... I know, I know..... the first year I just didn't and then last year we were in Atlanta and there was so much to do before hand and the weekends kept coming and going and time got away from me..... so I VOWED that by hook or crook , he WILL have a picture with Santa this year! HEE HEE!

I also have pretty much finished my shopping for him as well. I just have to pick up a few things from to give to him in my m.i.l's name. She sent us some money to get him some presents from her, so I will go shopping this week.

Let's see...in other news, me & my siblings have FINALLY found a buyer for my grandmother's 4-family!! I am sooooooooo relieved. Though I have to split it 3-ways with my siblings and because this place is in the TRUE hood and the property is in GREAT need of repair in every unit, the money we get ain't gon be alot, but it is better than NOTHING....ya know???? :-)

Also, in better news, it looks like we will get a BETTER interest rate on our house (that we are refinancing) than we thought! And it will be a fixed rate! It willbe higher than our rate now, but not as bad as the 8% that we thought we'd have to have!!! And it looks like I have managed to barely SQUEEEEEEZE by since I no longer have a job without the finance co. knowing!Hallelujah!!! Cause if this had happened after I was no longer getting paid and was REALLY terminated off the company's system...... Well..... we might have gotten a much WORSE rate because my income wouldn't have been factored in! Thank GOD for small miracles....I'll take any that I can GET right now! LOL

All these good things almost made me not feel like crap when I got my first "thanks but we decided to pursue someone who had more qualifications than you......thanks for your interest" letter..... (did I tell you that I don't take rejection very well?.......*sigh*....no really.....I am serious)

Almost......

Happy holidays ya'll.....

I Love New York: It's not what ya think!

O.K. ya'll..... I don't know how many of you watched "Flavor of Love" and saw that stank-ass- CRAZYYYYYY-ASS contestant New York, but apparently SOME-DUMBASS-BODY has seen fit to give this truly mentally challenged braad a T.V. SHOW.....her OWN version of Flavor of Love

WTF?????????????? I mean, are there men out there that REALLY like the "crazypussy"???(ya'll know how men seem to LOVVVVVVVVE the crazy bitches and their crazy pussy!!!....) Apparently. But from the looks of it, some of THEIR asses are mentally challenged as well.

Has everybody in t.v. programming gone BANANA'S??????

(on the low I WILL be watching it ....hee hee....I can't help it...... the bullshit is just tooooooooooo good not to!)

LOL

Enjoy peoples!

bah fucking humbug

I am wondering.....Lord, why are you putting me through this. If you all have been reading, you all know that I am unemployed and NOT by choice. I can't see the reasoning behind this and it just makes me all the angrier that I have been laid off, submitting resumes for like 2 MONTHS and have not had ONE face-to-face interviews! I am really getting pissed about this shit! I know that I can talk, I KNOW that I speak VERY articulately and I am HOPING and praying that this no-interview thing is due to the impending Christmas holiday. I know that blaming the company that I worked for won't help and as Hustleman said to me previously "you can't focus on where you are going until you let GO of the past". But I am finding it hard not to feel resentful and pissed off about being umemployed and the fact that my severance is QUICKLY running out and that NONE of this was of my choosing. I am finding it hard as FUCK to be "thankful" even though I know I SHOULD be. I have a home, a husband and great child. After all, I WILL NOT be out of a place to live, food,etc. but I NEED to work. It is part of my independence and of who I am. And I am , as the days go on, finding it increasingly hard to be "positive" and "hopeful".

This is the holiday season and I am NOT feeling "ho ho ho-ish" at fucking all. I actually feel like the Grinch! My husband and I have a budget to buy presents for our little one and I don't even want to go shopping. I mean, I do, but I don't. I usually spend a nice amount of money during the holidays and this year I simply can't. It's depressing. Call the way I feel petty or whatever, but it's how I feel. I usually get myself a "gift from me to me" , but this year that can't happen. And I am pissed about it. So one day, I told my husband "I have been really good about not spending...have you noticed that I haven't even been doing shopping like before" (this is a BIIIIG deal for me because I am a shopper and used to go do SOME kind of shopping every weekend whether it be for my son or the household or for groceries or for me) and he goes "Well, I would EXPECT that you would, it needs to be even better than that...it needs to be not at ALL". Thanks. THAT made me feel better! I was like "well, we HAVE to buy SOME stuff!" Money is and has always been an issue with us and now, me NOT having a job makes things MORE tense. Just what I needed.

And I simply can't BELEIVE that I haven't even had ONE face-to-face interview!!! I mean, if I had no experience, no managerial experience,etc. I could understand, but I have been in my field for TEN YEARS! I mean, come ON! I am pissed and angry and hurt.

I am even thinking of trying to go into Pharmaceutical Sales (I have NEEEEEEEEEEEEVER been a "sales" type of person either, because I HATE trying to "sell" people). But I am getting desperate.....now I know that often times because the Pharm biz is competitive, you have to "know someone". Well, I talked to someone last night, who may be able to get me through the door. I will try anything. I need a job.

Like I said, I have and still am "praying on it" and I know that God does stuff in his own time and that there "is a plan" and all the other cliche, cliches. I am simply not feeling ANY of this right now and I know that a job won't come to me just sitting here, so I look, and look and look......and look some more. After all, I know that God also needs me to take one step towards helping myself and maybe he will take two.

Small blessings

Coinciding with the loss of my job, was the IMMINENT need to refinance our house. No, let me make it plain: We had a 2-yr ARM (adjustable rate mortgage) on the bigger of our two house loans (we have an 80/20 loan) and that shit was/is going to "adjust" from a rate of 6.35% to a REDICULOUS 9.35%!!!!

So, I had been BUGGING my husband to "come on and let's LOOK into refinancing" waaaaay back in October (i.e. BEFORE my job was eliminated) because we received the letter saying that as of Nov.5, the rate WOULD adjust and be effective with the Dec. 1 payment. His response? "we have time... the payment that it adjusts on (the one due Dec 1 )isn't REALLY due til Dec. 15” (because you have until the 15th to pay it without penalties).

So, what happened? I let him handle it and we waited and waited and then I got FIRED and I start to panic. Reason? I wasn't sure if they would need to verify my employment for our impending refinance. But, a-ha....because I am getting paid until the END of the year, the company COULD NOT terminate me in their system, because they can't pay me if I am terminated. But I wasn't sure how, when the mortgage company calls the automated employee verification system, would my info be told to them. So, I tried to get the answer to that without being obviously deceptive. After all, there was NO WAY we need to have to come up with an ADDITIONAL $400+ dollars a month (which is what that increase in percentage represents in dollars!). So I called the co.that does the verifications and tried to pussy-foot around it, but couldn’t get the info., so I just gave up.

But I figured that they would only say that I was currently employed. After all, I had given the mortgage co. my most recent check stubs and they ARE current, so it does LOOK LIKE I am employed. :-) LOOK LIKE are the key words here! So, I calmed myself down and vowed not to worry.

Things are going along, we had the appraisal this past weekend and hopefully we will be able to close on this new loan **a fixed rate loan** in a week or so! And even though it still isn’t the BEST rate (it will be 8.00%) and this rate will have us paying about $200 MORE a month, in the meantime, it’s not $400 more and I am thankful that we were able to get this done just under the wire (i.e. just BEFORE I REALLY do not have a way to prove that I have a job and income coming in!). At least the rate is fixed and we can only get a BETTER rate from here……no worries of it going UP MORE than it already did!

Small blessings…. I am thankful today for this small blessing.

The inner me.

So, I have been sitting at home, fighting getting depressed over my lack of work. And getting AWFULLY fuckin TIRED of LOOKING for another job. I hate this shit. I have had 3 phone interviews (2 for the same company) and now I am just waiting……waiting……. The shit’s depressing. I really don’t like to constantly talk about it to my husband because at a certain point I can feel his thoughts of “well, I am here for you, but there is nothing else I can say”, yet I want him to say SOMETHING. But what can he say? The same thing over and over? “It’s gonna be O.K.”? Yeah, I guess. But that becomes trite at a point.

Truth is, there is NOTHING save another job that will make me feel like anything I did 4 weeks ago. And the kicker is that I have NOT been just “chilling” in it’s entirety. I have been doing shit, going places, applying for jobs……and some chilling  I take my son to daycare (which because I am still getting paid, I am blessed enough to still be able to take him to) in the morning now. My husband used to take him and I would pick him up. The good thing is that I can now spend some time (that I USED to not have) in the morning with him. When I am working I am usually in the bed until THEE last possible moment upon which I HAVE to get OUT of the bed, so mornings were RRRRRRRRRRUSHED and like a race to the finish line , to say the least. Every morning, if there was one thing that would put the routine even 5 minutes behind, it was a problem. (neither me or my husband particularly LIKE getting up and out in the mornings). So now…… I have time to take my time with my little one. He used to be at daycare between 7:15 and 7:40 and now we take our time, we watch a little Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer together and get there between 8:45 and 9:15. Nice. I had been wanting to be able to have this kinda leisurely routine with my child for the longest. In a perfect world, I would be able to take him to daycare and arrive at work when I wanted to (around 10:00 am) and then leave at around 4:30 to get him. Doesn’t that sound perfect???? Well, I gues that’s what I have kinda-sorta until my severance runs out at the end of December (if I have not found a job ). So, I am thankful that I get to spend these mornings snuggled in the bed with him and spend more time with him, just him and mommy.

But the thought of “when the hell am I going to find a job” still looms over my every thought. I know and BELIEVE that I will get another job, but the “when” is an issue. Unemployment doesn’t even cover HALF of what I used to make in a month. But it’s better than nothing , so again, I am blessed.

A friend of mine said “ girl you better ENJOY this time off….you’ll be back to work and WISHING for this time!”. And I know she is right. But I cannot enjoy this because you see, I am a worrier by NATURE. It is as ingrained into my soul as the dirt to the earth. It is what it is. I wish I wasn’t, but until I HAVE a job in hand, I cannot REST or relax. So, even though I may do some enjoyable things and have free time to myself (more than I ever have since the birth of my little one), I cannot fully enjoy it cause I am so damn worried about finding a job! I try to….. I try to .

Fear of a new job

I also hate the whole “new job” thing too. I hate being the new person, trying to figure out who’s cool and who’s the asshole, what is acceptable and what rules can and can’t be broken. I HAAAAAAATE going to new jobs! So, I have that angst too. I guess you all are saying “worry about that ONCE you GET a job”., but I told you all…. I am a worrier, so I am worrying NOW thank you very much. I tend to be the “let’s look at the worst case scenario” type of person, because I have seen too much bullshit and to much “wrong” stuff in these jobs not to. So, I usually go IN with a “umm-hmm……what’s YOUR deal” type of skepticism. Being the new person is never fun and I haven’t had to do it in a long time. I am not looking forward to being that person. **sigh** I guess that very scenario is what kept me in that last job.

So these are the things that I sit and think about when I am at home….thinking, thinking, thinking…….


My husband said that he heard form someone that when people experience a loss they go through stages with the acronym S.A.R.A.H, which stands for Sadness, Anger, Rage, Acceptance and Hope. You know what? I oscillate the MOST between the Anger and Rage about the whole thing. I am STILL very angry that this was done to ME. I mean, I have some acceptance (becuase I have to....after all I can't go to the building and cling to the door begging to be let in) and some (a little bit) of hope. But it's frustrating anc scary because when you come down to it, NO ONE can "get" me a new job, but me.....it's all up to me and being PLACED into this situation , without choice is what throws me RIGHT.BACK into the anger/rage place. Now, I don't mean anger in terms of throwing shit at the walls, but just an internal, occsaional seething. And now is the time when I have to be the most "bubbly" and "personable" (because you need to "impress" people with how nice you are, or at least fake it WELL )when I feel the LEAST like being bothered with people or being all "suzie cream cheesy happy" !!!

So, as I go on and keep looking for a job, I try to be less of the AR and more of the AH in that acronym. But it's hard some days.

Oh Mr. Richards.........

I really hate to have to post about this bullshit, but I will anyway. I CAN believe that in this, the day of the "insidious racist" that Kramer said what he said. If you haven't seen it, see it here

So, this fool goes on Letterman to say that he basically has NOOOOO idea about why he said what he said and that the "rage and anger" just "fired out of me". Yeah, O.K. jackass.......

See the Letterman clip right here


But for me....the kicker is that MOST people feel that took a poll feel that his apology is enough. Let's talk about this. In reality, I suppose that the apology HAS.TO.BE enough. Follow me now..... what else should he do? He already sounded like a FUCKIN BUFFOON babbling on and on and digressing and rambling (since he didn't know WHAT THE FUCK to say.....dosn't he have a publicist that coulda scripted something BETTER than THAT???). He shoulda just apologized and been done instead of rambling and making himself sound WORSE and LESS credible than he already WAS, because the TRUTH is what people really seek and ya'll ain't NEVER gon hear that!!! LOL That and an answer as to WHY he said it. But does it really change anything to know WHY? No. Cause you'll NEVER hear him say "Well, the truth is that I really don't like blacks and I really DO consider them to be niggers. DO you think THAT truth will ever come "firing out" of him???

But anyway.... what? He should do community service? He should do jail time? Should he should apologize to children in schools? Should he should go to prisons and apologize? He should be forced to go to labor camp? No. If that's the case I should do community service or jail time for my belief that most white folks get over on black folks on an EVERYDAY basis. **shrug**.

No, none of that matters. Because his BELIEF is what matters. WHY is there some "hate", why is there some "rage" that was even there to come out????? And then he throws the all-encompassing apologetic "I am not a racist.....I don't even know WHERE it came from". That's like me birthing a litter of puppies and saying..... I din't fuck no dogs..... whereDID they come from???????

Again........Whatever jackass. So, I suppose in reality an apology HAS to be enough because you and I BOTH knowe that we will NOT change the BASIS of those comments. So, just apologize Kramer and donm't be surprised if yo ass get's NO love from a whole bunch a people.


If you wanna cast your vote, click here

Babies and Buddies

Babies and Buddies

Hey folks, what’s good? Well, since we last talked, I STILL haven’t found a job (not surprising with Michigan’s HIGH ASS unemployment rate!) I HAVE applied to a zillion and one places but have only had two phone interviews from Home Depot who was supposed to be calling me back for a “real” face to face interview and they have YET to do so. But I also know that many times it takes HR dept’s up to a month later to call folks back…..remember, I WORKED in HR, so I know….I just HATE being on THIS side of the fence!

So, I plug on and have been trying to find a job and this is what I dreaded MOST….the CONSTANT pressure and irritation of TRYING to find a job! It’s exhausting. Finding a job IS a job! Since I have been off, I have caught up on a few blogs though that’s a good thing !

My family is home with me this week (took the baby out of daycare because we’d have to pay for 5 days and they’d only have to work for 3 due to Thanksgiving, so we decided to keep him home this week. And my husband took Mon-Wed off too). So, I have a little company this week! I have a phone interview for a Regional HR Manager position with a company in the city that I live in which is GREAT and hopefully more potential jobs will come through.

But get this ya’ll: You know that since I was terminated and didn’t quit, I AM eligible for unemployment right? Well, why was one of my friends telling me “you know that if you are OFFERED a job that if you do NOT take it that the State of Michigan WILL cut your unemployment off, right?”

Hold up? S’cuse me?

I said, “nooooooooooo…..so…..if I get offered a BULLSHIT ass job, I am OBLIGATED to take it???? How would they KNOW if I don’t? How do they find out? How in the fuck is that shit reported?”

I had a plethora of questions because not ONCE in my TEN YEARS in HR have I EVER even SEEN a reporting format to REPORT to the State when I only OFFERED someone a job! How would they even KNOW that I had had an interview with the damn company????? I asked several other people and they seemed to confirm what my first friend had said, but they didn’t have answers to my “how the fuck would they know?” questions either. I am disturbed. So, I go to the handy-dandy Unemployment Booklet that was sent to me when I applied for unemployment and it said:

In short.......“You will be disqualified….if you refuse a REASONABLE offer of employment…..reasonable is determined to be any position that pays 70% or more of what you previously made.”

WHAT IN THE FUCK?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am NOT taking a job that pays THIRTY PERCENT LESS than what I MADE just to say that I have taken a job and gotten off of their system!!!!!!!!! That’s what they are there for!!! BITCHES!!!!!!!!! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL! That is purely and simply fucked up!

I still will take my chances. I am not about to accept some dumb ass job that pays that much LESS, and I don’t even LIKE the job. No.

So, anyway….. my girl that I used to work with had a baby over the weekend. There has been much to say about her that I simply haven’t because the story is so long. But the long and short of it is that since she was fired on November 18, 2005, she has gone DOWN into the gutter and her family (who were already a bunch a gutter rats) have been oh-so-happy to goad her down that road. She was always the best achiever in the family and supported many of them in different ways and her pre-adolescent child on a meager 30-some thousand dollar salary. She had TWO houses (one she rented out) , a new car, always was “appearance-wise” , together and now…….well, let’s just say that when I talked to her sister because LITERALLY over the past year, I have spoken to her when she NEEDED SOMETHING and that may have been all of less than 10 times, her sister told me that the nigga that she has been fucking with who she SWEEEEEEARS she is gonna leave, had her strung out on “51” cigarettes (assumingly WHILE she was pregnant, per the sister). What is a “51”? It is weed laced with CRACK. Did ya’ll hear me?

CRACK!!!!

Even though she was from that environment, she always proclaimed to loathe it. I mean, she’s beautiful (no for real….every time we went ANYPLACE, men were ALL OVER HER…..very pretty girl) And now she has fallen so far. I personally think that she had a breakdown. A real mental breakdown. When I finally talked to her after she moved to Atlanta , stayed in shelters, in her van with her 13 year old kid, her 16 year old nephew, this nigga and her big ass Rottweiler dog, and came BACK (all while pregnant mind you), she told me that she wanted to be through with him and after the baby was born that she was done. Yeah o.k. chick, tell it to someone who might believe you. So I asked her did she have any idea what the baby was. Her response? “ I haven’t really had any prenatal care”. WHAT???? WHY???? (at the time I knew nothing of the “51’s”) . So she hadn’t even BEEN to the OB/GYN during her WHOLLLLLLLE pregnancy. Now I see why. She didn’t want them to find CRACK in her system!

Anyway……. I had some items that I said (to myself) that if the State's Child Protective Services didn’t TAKE the baby away from her, I would give her. She called me on Thursday and told me that she was in the hospital and that she was about to have the baby. I told her that I was going to come see her. She told me that the baby was a boy (they’d done an ultrasound). She had the baby on Friday, 7lbs 12 oz. and she is going to aptly name him Chance. Cause this IS her chance to get OUT OF this pattern, this IS her chance to get this together. I have no idea if she will. I hope so. I gave her lots of stuff that I was saving in case I (hopefully) have another child. But she needs it more than I do. Well, they didn’t take the baby so the baby MUST have been O.K. and she MUST have stopped doing drugs (if that was the case….remember, this was per her sister…).

I really fear for that little baby. He’s being born into terrible circumstances. But I do believe that she was doing drugs previously…...even though the baby seems fine.....she has fallen too far and has hit rock bottom. She didn’t even have a car seat to take the baby home (which they will NOT let you leave without), so she had to call her brother (also a non-working procreator) to get his baby’s mama’s infant car seat (he has a 1 year old). Sad……..She recently got Welfare assistance, so she has some way to get food,etc for her self. But the nigga who as far as I am concerned is THEE problem, was/is still present. I am so sad that she had a baby by HIS ass of all people! He is older than me (he’s like 37) and has the mentality and work ethic of a 10 year old and I am not being facetious. I.E….he doesn’t work, he sits around up under her all day watching cartoons (literally ya'll) and he is just an ignorant ass. What kept her? Hear her tell it “The dick is the biggest and BEST that I’ve ever had ….”…..whatever….the dick ain’t worth your life. All I can do is pray.

So, the culmination of all of this is that I went to see the baby and the baby looks great! I was so surprised and so happy. Cute as little newborns go ( you know…they all look like Chinese babies for the most part). But he looks to be healthy and was a great weight! I held him for awhile and said a silent prayer for him

On Sunday, I went to Breakfast with Zed at Detroit’s Breakfast House . If you ever come to Detroit or live here, you NEED to experience this place! Great ambiance, and even BETTER food with excellent service! It’s nice to see a good eatery in the Metro Detroit area. Cause they’re limited IN the city. Now the suburbs……. Plenty of good eateries, but Detroit proper, not so much. Usually the service is HORRIBLE and the staff is ghetto. Sorry….but most of the places inside the city limits simply are….(there are exceptions of course).

So, Me & Zed talked reminisced and had a great time. Me & Zed used to go out alllllllllll the time, pre-husband. But it seems like when I got married all my male friends took the “out of respect of your husband” thing TOOO FAR! And I have MOSTLY male friends! I mean, them nigro’s simply STOPPED calling me! So, it was GREAT to just dine amongst a real friend who know’s you and who you’ve been wanting to reconnect with. We both had the fried chicken and waffles with the side of cheese grits. Good times ya'll....good times......DAMMIT I’m hungry right now!

Then last night my girl Lanee and her hubby, who moved to Richmond, VA last year, were in town for one of Lanee’s close soror’s Engagement Party. So they stopped over and visited with me and Dylan last night. It was soooo good to see her and I really realize how I miss my friends (Zed and Lanee) who moved away. I will probably not see her until next year sometime, so I am glad that I had the chance to see her while she was in town!

All in all, not a bad weekend at all……….

finality/bringing sexy back

Well, in my last post I said that there were a lot of things going on and there have been. In short, I was laid off, fired, let go…..all it boils down to is I no longer have a job or source of income. Why? Well, the company that I worked for has been cutting it’s own asshole to save money since July when the contract with GM was renewed. And my job (no one else's mind you) was eliminated.

Prior to the contract being renewed I was told by my stankin ass boss “I would advise you to get your resume together over the shutdown because NONE of us could be employed if we don’t get the contract….I know that I am getting MY resume together”. Now those of you reading this who have been reading for awhile may be like “COOL! You haaaaaaaaaated that place and that woman ANYWAY! Now you can move on to something better”. While that may be true, I did NOT want to be FORCED to move and have NO WARNING that I was going to be without INCOME. You see, that was all that job was to me ANYWAY: Income. It wasn’t a “career” because the bitch I reported to held you back and DIDN’T want to teach you anything. It wasn’t a source of pride, she saw to that, but what is WAS , was a way for my family to live comfortably in the style in which I AM accustomed because it did pay well and have GREAT perks. Now, I am scrambling and uneasy about where’s my next money coming from. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, but the last time I was given the courtesy of being told 2 ½ months in advance, that my job was going to be eliminated. That bitch could have done the same, because I talked to one of my girls that works in another division and she said that when it all came out, that this was “planned for a MINUTE”. Hmmph…. Why should I be surprised. That is what that company does best….FUCK people in the ass. I was there for 5 years and got a paltry 7 weeks severance. Now, some of you will say “stop fucking complaining, you coulda got NATHAN, NADA….”. And to you all, I say true, but I have seen muuuch better……

Anyway………

And unfortunately, me & my husband do not have the “3-6 months of income” that financial advisers tell you to have in “case” something like this happens {and PLEASE don’t; give me a lecture on THAT…don’t need it} So…. I am REALLY pressed to get a job because I do NOT want my lifestyle to change from what it is now. What do I mean by that? My husband DOES make enough to support us, and with a few changes (him claiming more exemptions, cutting down on what he puts into his 401(k), not spending unnecessarily, and taking our child out of daycare) we would survive. So, it’s NOT like I will be homeless. But that is also NOT how I live: not able to spend ANYTHING, asking for an “allowance” , or being a stay at home mom (nothing against ANYONE who does it because I think that it is faaaaaaaar harder to stay at HOME ALL.DAY.EVERY.DAY.AND.WEEKENDS.AND.BE.WITH.CHILDREN.24/7. 365 than me going to work everyday and I know my limitations. I love my child, but I would be a WORSE mother if I was forced to stay home everyday with him….. sorry….I just would). So I am pressed. I know that I WILL find another job, but when is the question. In case ya’ll DIDN’T know, Michigan has the 2nd HIGHEST unemployment rate in the country and since proposal 2 passed and they are CUTTING more jobs (no pun intended) everyday!! So, who KNOWWWWWS “when” I will get another job! I am still very upset by this and by the fact that that bitch I worked for for allthese years didn’t have the commom decency to let me know, send a smoke signal, SOMETHING to let me know (when I KNOW she knew) that this shit was coming!!

I also want to make the right decision in terms of a job because I have now had two unpleasant job situations/bosses (this one and the one IMMEDIATELY before) and those who don’t know me might say “maybe YOU were the problem if you had TWO bosses who gave you problems”. Well, boys and girls, those that know me KNOW that that was simply NOT the case. I have worked for two bastards in a row, spanning a total of 7 miserable years of my approximately 10 total years IN HR !!! So, I am verrrry hesitant to jump into a job that doesn’t feel right. I intend to “interview them” more than I have previously. The good thing is that me & my brother & sister are about to sell my grandmother’s ( who passed) house and the proceeds will give me some cushion along with unemployment.

I am just now starting to get myself back up and feeling even 1/2way alright since it happened last Thursday. Since then I have been pretty depressed and not feeling good at all. I still have my moments.

I do however know that the silver lining in this whole thing is the fact that I DO.NO.HAVE to be bothered with that BITCH .EVER.AGAIN. But back to the actual termination. Check how they did me: My boss had me meet her at one of the companies satellite offices to tell me. What? Did she think that I was going to be an angry black bitch and take her fucking HEAD off in the office?????? **laughing**Yes, she shoulda, cuz she knew that she and I did NOT have the friendliest relationship when it came to ill shit that she has done to me and THIS would fall in that category, no? We both were fake and I guess she should have been worried. She knew that I didn’t like her. From the beginning I should have peeped her fakeness for what it was, but it wasn’t until she showed her true colors after I was hired that I began to see. And she and I have gotten “INTO.IT” on more than one occasion. Working for her these past 5 years has been HELL, emotionally. I have walked out of her office on several occasions, we have gotten into straight yelling matches (the most recent one a couple of months ago, in which she says, among other shit, “Robyn I have had it up to here (motioning with her hand above her head)” and I said “Well you know WHAT ____ I have had it up to here (said with a stank ass look on my face) TOO !”. And I have had to literally walk away more times than I can count to clear my head” because if I didn’t, I feared I would seriously end up in jail for what I wanted to do to that woman.

But what’s really fucked up to me is that I wasn’t let go for performance, attendance, insubordination, yet I didn’t even get a chance to clean out my OWN DESK!!!! Fucked up huh? Well, it would have been MORE fucked up if I hadn’t been up on her shitty assed plan the two days before. How did I know? The week before she had told me to “plan to meet her” at our satellite office and I was like yeah, yeah..o.k…. not really paying attention to her because she babbles so much, just making my mental note and moving on. Well… a couple days before she mentioned it again, which then made me ask “by the way , WHAT are we going there for???”. She replies “ I can’t say”.
DING! DING! DING! RING THE ALARM

What the fuck?? I immediately got MORE paranoid than I already was. That didn’t sound right but me being a natural “worrier” I tried to calm my mind and TRIED not to make too much out of it, but still started thinking “what if I am being fired….”.

So, fast forward to Halloween Day. Well, I went to use my Corporate American Express card and it was declined, so I call them up and they inform me “a request was made from your company to cancel this card”. I just bust out crying right then and there in the parking lot of my son’s school because it hit me that these dirty muthafucka’s were going to terminate me. I couldn’t even get it together. My husband was on his way home anyway and he had to come and meet me there and go in and get my son because I was so fucked up. So, the next day (which was the day before I was let go), I cleaned out every file, copied shit to disk that I wanted, took shit that was mine, forwarded myself e-mails that I wanted to keep, and generally made sure I had what “I needed” from my desk. So, fuck her stankin ass, because the only thing left to pack were pictures, mugs, and miscellaneous food. But that was really fucked up. We’ve worked together for FIVE years. You know that I have a husband and a child, it’s RIGHT before the holidays and OBVIOUSLY this shit was WWAAAAAAAAY planned in advance and you couldn’t have given me a “hint” that this shit was COMING?????? Ask her and she will give you the bullshit goody-goody answer I am sure of “ well, Robyn I was sworn to secrecy by MY superiors…..blah-fucking-blah”. Whatever. If you really GAVE a shit about me (like you allllllllllways FAKE LIKE YOU DO) allllllllllllllllllll these years…. You coulda HINTED something like “you know….. our HR jobs are NOT secure, so make sure you are prepared for anything…..” or something of the like. If I gave a shit about a person, I would do that for someone. You know, tell them without TELLING THEM !

I am also scared about trying to get a new job. Since I have not been “on an interview” in 5 years, I am terrified. I hate interviews because I get soooo nervous when I am put on the spot, feel like I am sounding stupid and lose all train of thought usually. And to be honest, it’s been longer than that since I went on a real interview. When I interviewed for this job I was ready and I focused on doing the BEST I could in that interview and it was a cake walk. My soon to be boss talked MORE THAN I DID in the fucking interview! I was sooo relieved! But I know that that is not how MOST interviews are……. But I will survive. I have to.

So on the day I got fired, I had a hair appt. and decided to bring my “sexy back”…… see below…..










I had been talking about cutting my hair for at LEAST a year, and always got scared. This was just the impetus that I needed to get me to do it and you know what. Like this job, I do not miss the hair ONE.BIT. Everything happens for reason right? Wish me luck on this new journey into the next part of my life.

So whaddaya think of the new look? Cute, no? (ya’ll betta say YES…ya’ll know I am fragile right now….LOL)

Halloween

Hey all,

I know that I am late as hell in posting these pics from Halloween, but I have had alot going on later (more on this in a couple days or so...)..But anyway... halloween was good for the little one, we went to the party that a local church has and that my college buddy (and neighbor) goes to.

He had soooo much fun and this lil boy LOOOOVES being around other kids, so he was in HEAVEN. I also liked the fact that the church does not give out oo-gobs and oo-gobs of candy. They give out a bag to each child which is JUST enough for them to get a DAMN GOOD Sugar high!!! LOL

Here's the pics!








He also went to a halloween party that this little girl's mom that he used to go to his old daycare with had. Here are a few pics from that party.......

Halloween??

O.K so does every one have their costumes ready, their candy baskets loaded and ready for the little ghouls and goblins to come by and ring their doorbells?

No...?

Why not?

Oh….. O.K…. I see……you don’t do Halloween….. mmm-kay

I guess I just do not agree with those who do not celebrate Halloween because of the reasoning that it used to be a pagan celebration of death or any of the many explanations for how it began.

I am not disagreeing that those things way back in history happened, I am just like “is it that serious now” and is that even what people are REALLY celebrating NOW? I am not celebrating the DEBBIL by dressing my child up in a costume and letting him go to a party and have fun with other children. I am not celebrating the DEBBIL by allowing him to go door to door to get some candy. It simply is another event in the lives of Americans who, for the most part, do not take it THAT seriously.

I just do not see why it’s necessary to have to segregate your children from having this fun and why it is even taken that seriously when if you DO participate in any of the MAIN activities that are taking place (most of which have NOTHING to do with the DEBBIL) you are just basically having a costume party.

I have read alot of information on what Halloween , Hallow’en, All Saints Eve or whatever other name you want to call it , first meant. I just do not choose it to have THAT meaning for my family plain and simple. We do not have evil ceremonies taking place or any other malevolence, so I do not worry about what it meant eons of years ago……..

Halloween is what you make it in my humble opinion, and again…..it’s just my opinion. But I will have my child up in his $50 dolla’ costume and having a ball.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN YA’LL

In search of.......

Just another Monday ya’ll

Well, if you all have been following the S.I.L. chronicles, I haven’t heard anything from that heffa since I e-mailed her my last e-mail (which I don’t think I posted), in which I IGNORED her dumb-ass reference to the fact that we could “save more” by just coming to Atlanta and could still afford to give her a little money…….”. Whatever bitch….. I am done. Nothing to see folks move it along……

O.K......So.....I have been a bad mommy. By that I mean, I hemmed and hawwed and WAITED Until the LAST FREAKIN moment to get my son’s Halloween outfit! Soooooooooooooooo…… I knew I had to go out this weekend. So, because my husband bowls every other weekend and I didn’t want to WAIT until he was done bowling to get up and get out after I got my nails done, I kept “the boy” with me and at about 11:30 we got up and began our journey. I needed him to be there so that I could make SURE that the outfit fit him because ya’ll KNOW how FUNKY those places are ; “no returns” is their motto.

But why ya’ll, whyyyyyyyyy didn’t I just go on and wait until AFTER he had had his daily NAP???????????? Can you say that I had a long and FRUSTRATING afternoon????? Let’s start with the fact that he was CROTCHETY all to hell and wanted EVERYTHING his hands touched or his eyes came in contact with and every NO response from me, caused him to start CRYING AND HOLLERIN’. Now, I am NOT one of those parents that will scurry out of the locale that I am in JUST because I have a kid crying! NO! You need to LEARN that you will NOT get your way and that you WILL get knocked the FUCK OUT (a la Chris Tucker) if you do notSHUT. IT. UP. ! There is NOTHING that I can’t stand MORE than a screaming/ crying/hollerin child. And he is usually not like THAT. If he does cry I can get him to "shut it up" MUUUUCH easier than on this here day!! So we had to have the “do you want me to POP you?”conversation a MULTITUDE of times on that there day! I also knew he had not had his nap , so I wasn’t trying to kill his lil booty because I knew there was a direct cause and effect.

Well, lucky for him that he was just crying (albeit LOUDLY) and the fact that he was not throwing a straight UP tantrum, saved him from getting his ass TORE out the frame.

So, we go out and it had to be THEE RAINIEST, WINDIEST freakin day that I have been out in in a WHILE! Of course, I am trying to use an umbrella while holding my son (which is USUALLY not a problem), and that bitch flipped over TWICE and rain is FUCKING UP MY HAIR so I was TRIPLE mad (you all KNOW black women don’t play with their DAYUM hair at least if you have a permed/curled style!) and rain is hitting me AND him in the face so hard I could barely SEE, and I can’t get the FUCKIN umbrella to turn BACK the right way. He’s crying, I am getting ridiculously pissed off……

This was NOT a good time. AT. ALL.

We then go to not one but THREE different places to try to find THIS EXACT ELMO outfit. Not this one and not this one. I don’t like the last two AT.DAMN.ALL!!! They look like something I could make at my house!! So…..I wanted him to have the first one! Well, after fucking with the dayum WIND AND RAIN and his CRYING DAYUM NEAR INCESSANTLY about EVERY.THING, I was ready to say “ you know what….. I know it’s my fault, but you just won’t be GOING to a Halloween party cause I can’t FIND the dayum outfit!”

And my theory is, if I can’t find what I LIKE, I just won’t get SHIT. So, then I felt bad and went to ONE more place where I found it. Now….thanks to my procrastination, the outfit that my husband had seen for $29.99, I had seen online for $39.99, cost MY ASS 49.99!!!!!! Do YOU HEAR ME???????? I just had to get it though and BEFORE YA’LL START DOGGIN ME………. I will do JUST WHAT I have seen others do next year…..SELL IT ON EBAY !!!! Please believe it! So though I CRINGED at the price, he looks soooooo cute in it. We had been invited to this little girl’s party who he used to go to his old daycare with and it was ON SATURDAY, so I am so glad he was able to go, cause I sho’ll wasn’t talking him in his “STREET CLOTHES”. Me, my husband and and my son went to the party and had a ball!!! The little girls’s mom had decorated her basement, had hotdogs, chips, coney dogs with the condiments and Halloween decorated cupcakes and ice cream. She also made each guest VERY NICE AND FULL Halloween bags and had games for them to play like Pin the Tail on the Cat, the Dart game that's played with the Velcro balls instead of darts, “who can eat the donut off the string the fastest” , and a blindfold game where you have 30 seconds to dig in to a bowl of rice and pull out as much as you can. It was a lot of fun. There were only 5 kids there, but it was really quaint and fun. That lil boy got over like a FAT-RAT too because he had more JUNK food that night than he probably had ALL WEEK!! LOL I took pictures, and will post them with the pictures from the party that we will be going to tomorrow.

So, though Saturday was not the LEAST bit enjoyable being out with a SEVERELY irritable, crotchety two year old in the DAMN 50mph wind and rain (yes, the wind was REALLY that high), all’s well that ends well and my lil one even won first prize for his costume at the Halloween Party, so it was all worth it!

Be e-z ya’ll…….

S.I.L. 3, 4 , 5 & 6 rolled into one long ass post!

Hey ya’ll,

This has been lonnnnnnng in coming and consequently this is verry, verrrrrry, verrrrrrrrry long. A few of ya’ll { Diva, Zed & TS ) have read this, so ya’ll can just feel free to comment as there is no new stuff from what ya’ll have read already other than my comments sprinkled throughout.
I’m telling ya’ll , it’s long…..take a nap in between reading if you need to…..
This takes off where S.I.L. 2 left off.......

And yes, I know I have been MUUUUCH nicer than many people would have been...... read on........

***NOTE TO READERS****: MY COMMENTS ARE IN RED

***********************************************************
From: Robyn@hellhole.com
To: ann@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Party
Date: Thu, 19 Oct 2006 09:04:59 -0400

Well, Ann-

I totally understand that you feel like this was an unfair “takeover” of your party since people knew that you wanted to have a party for his 40th. One thing I can say is that because it was his 40th, he was probably EXPECTING something anyway (at least a LITTLE something), so he might not have been THAT surprised. I mean, heck, I would DEFINITELY be EXPECTING **my hubby** to do something for my 40th, so there COULD be no surprise for me. I will be sitting on pins and needles and like a kid at Christmas WAITING on my “something”. So, I am not saying you had a bad idea, I am just saying that another way to look at it is, that he might have been expecting something. I’m trying to be nice……….

With that said, NOW we have the opportunity to do something SMALLER that really WILL be a surprise because he won’t be expecting anything more than Vegas at this point (if we go to Vegas). Don’t give up that easily…. I know you really want something personal and special from you and we can STILL have something personal and small (like surprising him with PEOPLE rather than an actual party----that won’t cost you anything-----). Or YOU can have a surprise-romantic night on the town with him in Vegas and **their son** can stay with us…..

And I can TOTALLY see that (my b.i.l.) probably never “desired” to go to L.V., but if he genuinely seems to like the idea, if you don’t want to talk to Jane about it and change the plans, he will probably still have a memorable 40th. Otherwise, talk to Jane and get it straightened out. Otherwise you are going to be PISSED OFF TO THE HIGHEST from NOW on until, and DURING THE TRIP……. And that simply isn’t good for your fun-factor or your blood pressure. If you are really that opposed to it, I say that you talk it over some more with Jane. Really…….I think that she would listen to alternatives………..but don’t just be pissed and say “f’ it…..” because you are mad. You need to be able to enjoy yourself in this whole scenario too.

Your point is well taken that you are pissed off because this was not discussed with you….. I give you all the validation in the world for feeling like that. Because after all, this is your husband. But this is sooooooooo early in the planning stages that stuff CAN be changed and Vegas just worked for everybody because it’s an idea that people like. But Ann, it’s JUST an idea……. And though (my b.i.l.) knows about it, we can come up with ANOTHER idea that DOES NOT involve him knowing so that you are not so extremely unhappy and angry about the celebration. I would HATE for you to be so upset in Vegas and just not having a good time.

I hope I can just help you to look on a BRIGHTER side of things and I think Vegas is a wonderful idea, but there are PLENTY of wonderful ideas. This is a whole year away that is plenty of time to figure something out. Just give it some thought…..ruminate on it…….and once you are a bit less upset ……. My biggest thing is

TALK. TO. JANE.

(to at least let her know that YOU are not feeling that for your husband and that he’s just kinda “going with the flow” about the idea, but not all gung ho like everybody else and it IS his birthday…….did I get the feeling he has correct? Because if that’s the way he feels, SHE needs to know about it, because SHE thinks he’s rarin’ and ready to go!)


Just thoughts to hopefully add some perspective.

robyn

________________________________________


From: Ann [mailto:Ann@hotmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, October 19, 2006 5:21 PM
To: Robyn (00900)
Subject: RE: Party

Yes, this was an unfair takeover. I already had the private room set for that date with our own private buffet and cash bar. I already know that (my b.i.l.) would have been expecting something, but he wouldn't have expected his childhood friend from cancun who he has not seen in 11 years or another friend he hasn't seen from another part of the U.S. He also would not have expected the slideshow of pictures of him and his family. Or the scrapbook. and all the other personal touches I had planned.
Which by the way he said he would have enjoyed a D & B party very much (you can let **my hubby** know). It was not going to be the least bit "informal" or impersonal. Yes I know it is a year away, but with what I had in mind I knew I needed the time to plan and save (was this bitch even going to do ANY saving…..yeah O.K…..I doubt it since she was ACTIVELY seeking “sponsors”…..). Just so everybody is clear.
Like I said, I have nothing against going to Las Vegas or any other suggestions but nobody has bothered to call the wife and clue her in or ask her opinion, while she is over here planning a party that everybody already agreed upon. With that said, The party is canceled and I've canceled the private room.
So if everybody else wants to go to Las Vegas or wherever than that is fine. As long as my husband is okay with it. I'm sure it'll be fun. As far as I'm concerned, Jane can plan for his birthday in Vegas and I will be fine with it.
________________________________________


From: Robyn@hellhole.com
To: Ann@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Party
Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2006 09:52:44 -0400

Yes, I understand…

I just don’t want YOU to be unhappy, and I just have the feeling that you will be IN Vegas and be PISSED about this whole thing STILL and it’s a year away. And just for clarification, when I said it was a year away, I just meant that to say that we have time to plan something if you want to, not in a “why the heck are you doing this so early” way.
And in all fairness, you hadn’t talked to Jane yet (she was the one who came up with the LV idea) and she was the one who really got the ball rolling. I am not saying that to “point fingers” , just as a statement of fact. Now of the other people who knew (me, **my hubby** , anyone else you’d discussed this with), planned the LV thing……. Know what I mean? Jane came up with the idea because she thought he might like it. She (admittedly) should have called you and discussed it with you very soon after the plan was brought up in all fairness.

And it’s not that LV works BETTER for us, it works just AS well, because we were having to probably (unless we can both get the time off) spend @$900.00 anyway to fly, and even if we drove, gas costs (there and back) @$400. This wasn’t something that works BETTER for us specifically. I just think that you and Jane need to talk and it seems that you two have not talked together to decide/figure out if you all want to make the plan LV (because it doesn’t matter to me…. We will be wherever the celebration is regardless).

You two need to talk. Because you are very angry and I can see 1 of two things happening: 1. you stay angry and your blood pressure stays high and you’ll STILL be angry at the celebration or 2. you talk to HER about what happened, tell her you are a bit frustrated because you DID have something planned and the fact that she told **my b.i.l.** and didn’t even talk with you wasn’t fair to you because you were planning something.

I think you should do #2…….but that’s just my opinion.

Again, you have my support and I just don’t want you to be all pissed off when this can be solved sooner rather than letting this fester and no one is talking to each other.

________________________________________


{NOW….. CHECCCCCCCCCCCCCK OUT THIS STANKING BITCH'S RESPONSE TO ME!}
From: Ann [mailto:ann@hotmail.com]
Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 4:41 PM
To: Robyn (00900)
Subject: RE: Party

Let's get one thing straight (and I am saying this nicely) I don't have blood pressure issues, so don't work about that. My blood pressure is equipped to handle my hot temper.
Next, I had talked to Jane about planning a party. I just hadn't given her all the details about the dave an d busters thing. We talked about doing it at her pool then a couple weeks ago I decided that he would enjoy having it at D & B and just hadn't told her yet. Therefore I am the one who got the ball rolling on a birthday celebration. She just got it rolling on Vegas. There's the correct statement of fact! First I told her we would try for this year and later I told her that next year would be better. Julius told me that she said she didn't understand that I meant next year.
But don't worry I wont be pissed off and unhappy in Vegas. Again, Like I said, I'm sure it will be fun and I never had a problem with Vegas, but Hell ,she even discussed it with you ( or **my hubby**) or however you found out. I'm not sure. And she still has yet to call me. HIS WIFE!!!
How would you feel if you were planning something for your man which you told her and you found out she was thinking of something else and told every one else before you? You would be pissed to. So when she calls , we will talk about it. By the way. what is she saying since it seems you two are communicating?
{I was soooooooooo angry when I got this that I started to call her and cuss her out. I actually got so mad I got a headache and had to walk away. I don’t know WHO THE FUCK she thinks she is talking to! Her DAMN CHILD?????????? I LITERALLY had to take a step back but after I sent what you are about to read below, I am done. The kid gloves are OFF and I was READY to cuss her out. FUCK HER! Why should I be nice to THIS BITCH when she’s OBVIOUSLY lost a fucking screw and thinks she can talk to other GROWN people anyway she wants to!! You see….., I was tryyyying to be nice in the interest of “I have to see this hoe at family functions, so I will take the high road and not CUSS HER THE FUCK OUT” but after THIS e-mail….. I have RESOLVED myself to the fact that me and her funky ass MIGHT JUST have an adversarial relationship and at THIS point, I am FINE with it! Sooooo….. read below for the conclusion…..” }
________________________________________


From: Robyn@hellhole.com
To: Ann@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Party
Date: Sat, 21 Oct 2006 20:24:24 -0400


I actually only talked to her that one time when she suggested LV....we haven't talked since then. I agree WHOLE.HEARTEDLY that I would not be happy at ALL if I was circumvented in the process ESPECIALLY if I was the one who started the process. So, I agree. Also, I was only referencing blood pressure in terms of the sheer fact that ANYONE's blood pressure becomes elevated when they are angry and therefore I am SURE if you had taken a reading of YOURS when you are angry, I am SURE it's more elevated than usual. That's all.

I simply feel that you and Jane need to talk (some more than you did initially) and if SHE isn't going to call you, that AS his WIFE, you need to be the one to go ahead and suck it up and call her so this can get out in the open so that EVERYBODY is on the same page. But again, that is your decision, so from this point I will gracefully bow out of it....... because I do not want to be caught in the middle of something that I was only trying to help fix as best i can.


So, if you are really O.K. with it, I guess there's nothing else to say but "Let's go and have fun in Vegas! "
{First of all, I sent this to this bitch on Saturday the 20th and she didn’t respond to me until Wednesday the 25th…..yeah…… and notice how she done checked and CALCULATED MY financial involvement, HA! She is fucking CRAZY!!!}
________________________________________


From: Ann [mailto:Ann@hotmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, October 25, 2006 12:26 PM
To: Robyn (00900)
Subject: RE: Party

{ Now her ass is all calm and cordial…….whatever how, you have awoken the DEMON in me….. she will NEVER get the “nicey-nice” Robyn-a-fucking-gain!!!And I mean that. }
Hey Girl,
I just want to say thank you for trying to help and for you advice. I really do appreciate it. **b.i.l.** and I talked about this Las Vegas thing the other night and we have decided not to go for these reasons.
1)He doesn’t really want to. He says Las Vegas is just not his thing if we are going to go out of town he's rather go some place where he would really enjoy himself with things he likes to do. It is his birthday. He's not a drinker a gambler or a club goer. The only thing he would enjoy is going to Andre Agassi's tennis academy { My b.i.l. is BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG into Tennis and plays CONSTANTLY}and maybe seeing a show (his words) which for the 3 of us to see would cost the same as a plane ticket. ( I checked) We can't afford that right now.
2) It's to expensive for us right now. I priced plane tickets for us and for you. You may be able to get them cheaper, I don't know but, from what I priced, it's cheaper for you to fly to Atlanta according to cheaptickets .com. { WHY IS THIS HOE CHECKING MY SHIT?????} Then once we get to Las Vegas we still have to pay for a hotel( $$$). Then we have to pay for at least 3 meals a day for 3 people. Then we have to pay more money if we catch a show ($$$ 1 plane ticket price for 2-3 people, according to my sister who has been there many times.) You know we are going to want to do some slot machines and go shopping some. ($$$) **b.i.l.** says that we just don't have the money right now spend on all that especially since it's not something he really wants to do anyway. He said we would have been better off sticking with the D&B plan. He would have enjoyed that much better anyway. Just scaled down so it wouldn't cost so much.
You said going to LV works better financially for you. I personally think you would have been better off financially coming to Atlanta because A-the plane ticket is cheaper. B- You don't have to pay for a hotel C- you don't have to buy 3 meals a day for 3 people unless you just want to go out to eat. I would have provided food for you. D- **my b.i.l.** would actually get to see more friends and family because they all wouldn't have to figure out how to pay for all that stuff listed above in LV. Now, I understand and have no hurt feelings that you can't spare a couple hundred dollars to help me give **b.i.l.** a 40th bash. But in my opinion you would end up spending a lot more on JUST the hotel, unless you all have connections we don't know about( not counting food and shopping and a show and whatever else you know we can & will came up with to spend money on) then you would have if you spared a little to help me with the party. {Can ya’ll BELIEVE she slipped THAT shit in there????? I didn’t even acknowledge it in my return email below….. whatever how…..you are laughable at this point and I am not the one} But that's just my opinion. I apologize for putting you in an awkward position and soliciting your help. I don't want to cause money drama here so let's forget I asked and I am currently coming up with something else.
So if you all want to still go to Las Vegas, By all means go and I hope you have a wonderful time. Maybe we can plan a girls trip there one day {Is she SERIOUS???? PUH-LEASE!!!! You could NOT PAY ME to go anywhere with her dumb azz!!!LMAO}because LV is someplace I have always wanted to go to but I knew it just was not someplace **my b.i.l.** wants to go. (He told me so). So I don't think it's the right birthday for him. Now for mine or your birthday, that's a no brainer!( when is your birthday by the way?)
So I am currenty working on plan B for **my b.i.l.**'s birthday and when I have everything finalized, I will let everyone know. So If you didn't hear about it from me, than it's not part of the plan.

Ann

P.S. I will be calling Jane in a few minutes.

EPILOGUE:
She had my b.i.l. call his momma and (to be nice) told her that well….we can’t go because we doin’t have any money, blah, blah, blah…… So when my husband talked to his mom she goes “O.K….that’s cool, I understand….. but if I sell this house then we can still go and nobody will have to pay”. LOL She COMPLETELY didn’t get the memo that there are TWO factors to not going #1, they don’t have the $$, and #2 THEY DON”T WANT TO GO!!!! I was LMBAO when my husband told me that because apparently Jane is DEAD SET on going to Vegas! And hell nor high water are apparently going to stop her! LOL So, I am suuuuuuuuuuure there will be an epi-epi-logue to this because if she sells that house, she gon be like “o.k., so now what….. pack ya bags”. And they (my bi.l. and s.i.l.) did themselves a HUGE disservice by not telling her that they do NOT really want to go!


Enjoy ya’ll’s weekend….. ya’ll should be sleepy since I have given you a nice LONG read before beddy-by.

Lata……..