After the party....

Happy “after the 4th” everybody!!!

What’s happening? Well, I am chill-axin since I work for a contractor of the “Big 3”. I am off for part of the “shut-down” period. For those of you unfamiliar, the Big 3, Chrysler, GM and Ford have what is called a “shut-down” period twice a year, in July and at Christmas time. The one at Christmas time is usually about a week to a week and a half (all depending on what day Christmas falls on and we’ve been getting straight GANKED over the last couple years cause it’s been falling on f’ed up weekend days! So, no extra days for us!) Anyway, this is the time where the assembly, stamping and service parts plants are re-tooled a nd given an overhaul. Hence they need to TOTALLY shut down the plants to do so. Soooo……because the group I work for ONLY services GM & Delphi, we shut down WITH them. Now, the shut down in July is 2 weeks and it used to be (and this is fucked up) that you USE YOUR OWN vacation to pay yourself during those weeks, or just be unpaid.


Hold up. I can’t work and am MANDATED to be off BY YA’LL but I HAVE TO use up the ONLY vacation I get (because up until recently, my ass only GOT two weeks a year!). So, MY VACATION is really not MINE, because it is MANDATED that (if I wanna get paid…which I cannot afford NOT TO get paid for them two weeks just to take some vacay another time) I use up my ONLY vacation!!! That ain’t right. Maybe I am asking for too much, but what if I wanna go out of town with my family at SOME OTHER POINT in the year????? I am just short, huh?? (cause my stank ass boss DAMN SHO won’t let you use your “sick “ days for anything other than just that). So, I guess I am just short,…..there goes the trip to the Bahamas in September or in March or any other time not in conjunction with this shit.

OOOOOH. O.K. I am off my rant, because I am VERY happy that this year it is only mandated that I take off one week. So, I am off this week. Also, since so many people were going NEGATIVE in terms of vacation accrual, they began to give us personal days, so I hava actually had TO USE no VACATION (good thing cuz I ain’t got much! LOL)

So, I am chillin at home and am glad for it! I plan to get some estimates on basement refinishing while I am off and have my photography mentor give me some “tips” on my work

So, we put the baby big boy in a new daycare on last Thursday. Well, that was his “test day” and why did I get a call at about 2pm saying “Hi, Mrs. BabyMonkey’s mom, this is Ms. J from the daycare (the director) , and I just wanted to you know that Dylan was running and bumped his head on a bookshelf , so he has a little bump on his head…..we put ice on it, and he’s fine, but we just wanted you to know.

So, I’m thinking “Damn boy! You ain't been there 5 seconds and you got a boo-boo! “ So, I went to get him and he was fine. Sooo….the next day (Friday, June 30) was his last day at the old daycare. WHY did my husband go get him to find out that he was running and had “fallen on some concrete”. His face looked like a worse version of this:



He fell and scraped his cheek and hit his head AGAIN in the SAME.PLACE that he had hit it the day before!!!! OH JESUS!!!! So, his face was initially WAAAAY worse than this. His cheek was swollen ALL to hell and it was SO puffy that it slightly closed his eye up!! You KNOW I was mad as FUCK!

Yeah, Yeah, I knoooooooow that boys will be boys and all that shit, but see, that’s one of the reasons that I didn’t LIKE him being there ANYWAY! You got LITTLE kids playing on/near concrete!! They can BARELY walk, but they could potentially have an accident and fuck themselves up ROYALLY! Whatever. They loved on him while he was there but I had honestly been uncomfortable about their asses for a minute, but shook some of it off as me being an “overprotective” momma. NO MORE!

So, he starts to feel better, the sore starts to heal……..



And we go to Sam’s Club. This woman and her granddaughter and husband are there with a little dog and since my child LOOOOOVES dogs, he was all in, as we got into the car in the parking lot. So, the woman is like “oh, he’s too cute……oh sweetie, what happened, did you fall down?” So, I go on to tell her what happened and she asked in a very easy way “did you take him to the emergency room?”. Me and my husband answer in unison “no……” and she goes “ I would take him if I were you because that type of bruising……and I am saying this because I am a physician……. Might mean that he had a slight fracture


***Hold up*** did she say “FRACTURE”

“…of the ____ bone (the bone that is right below your eye)…...because I can see that it almost looks like a black eye…and if it is slight, you may not even know it and it could cause him to have minor vision problems in the future”.

Hold my mule…… I’m about to go KICK THE DOOR of the daycare IN and set fire to that bitch if my child has a fuckin fracture in his FACE!

Me and my husband thank them, scoop up our child and take him IMMEDIATELY to the ER. We had not taken him because we were thinking if it were fractured SURELY he’d be screaming and would not let us touch it, so we kept checking the area by poking an prodding his face to see what reaction we got. He never cried or even stopped us, so we were pretty O.K. that he had not broken his face, …..that is until we saw that lady!

So, to get to the point we went to the ER and the dr’s (plural) examined him and said that he was fine. They did NOT do an X-ray of his face because they said that they do not like to irradiate small children’s faces because of the potential damage to growing glandular areas in the head (pituitary, thalamus, hypothalamus, thyroid, etc). So, they did do a thorough exam on him.

See…..his wounds are healing after only 3 days……



but, I swear, I’m keeping this documentation because IF some dumb shit happens and they relate it back to an “old” injury, ya’ll won’t have to wait to hear it on the blog……you’ll see me on COPS.

Have a great day ya’ll

New monkey palace

What it do folks?! Well, my baby started a new daycare today. I know this is UBER exciting to most’a ya’ll, but I am excited! Why you ask? Because the other daycare was comfortable for him, maybe a little too comfortable and he needed a change. He had been at the old daycare since he was 10 weeks old. He was the FAVORITE of the caregiver who monitors the “baby” room. Then when she became the leader of the 3-4 yr. old room , the person who switched places with her, I SWEAR she acted like she was a part of my family and shit (i.e. she exoected to be kept abreast of his portrait sittings for any occasion, birthday plans,etc.). That shit alone got on my nerves. And I didn’;t wanna be a bitch because after all MY CHILD was in her care for 10 hours a damn day! And she loved him, so I didn’t want that to change, because I was certain that he was being cared for. So, why did I decide to make the change, right?

He has learned a lot of good things. Such as, he knows his abc’s, the pledge of allegiance, many, many songs, can count to 30, and is more cognitively and verbally advanced of A LOT of the 2 year olds that I have seen. Now, it’s not just ME saying this (cause you know most momma’s are proud of their spawn), but I get comments from people I know AND STRANGERS in the street (cause he say’s “HI!!!” and talks to EVERYONE) on how he “speaks so well”. Now, that is said not in the white folks “he speaks so well” way, it ie meant in the “to be so young he speaks so well” way. I am always (don’t ask me why) surprised when people say this to me, because since he is my first, it’s just him being him. And I take it for granted since I do not have other kids around me to gauge him by. But I guess it’s true. ***beaming***

While he has learned some good things, he has also learned some bad ass habits from the damn caregivers, who are a bit ghetto and act a wee-bit childish at times themselves. The woman who took over the babies room (we’ll call her Popeye, because she looks as if her one eye is always slightly swollen and fucked up) decided that my baby was her FAAAAAVORITE. Now, the director of the daycare isn’t ghetto and is very nice. But the staff is composed of two young (and ghetto) girls,Popeye and Baby Machine (so named cause she got at LEAST 4 kids …..and apparently does not understand that if you make $7.00…… having MORE kids might not be a good look) and Beatrice, a grandmotherly type of woman, and during summers Sweet Thang, a young, quiet, college student who just has a real sweetness about her .

Now, the reason I liked this place is #1 my friend referred me to it and her two boys had learned at the center and the caregivers really do love the kids. The caregivers are also long time employees ( you know a lot of daycare centers have folks that bop in and out of working there) so tha went a long way with me as far as consistency of staff. But, I have noticed some irritating things that they do and my child has brought some of them bad-ass habits home, only to get the boon-doon placed on his ass. Example, recently, he came home and I was talking to him and when he was whacking this balloon rather hard, said "Stop hitting that balloon like that", he instantly replied to me "YOU stop hitting that balloon like that".


WTF? BACKTALK???? FROM A FRIGGIN 2 YEAR OLD???????? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH NO. period dot.

I do not play that shit. So, the boon doon got layed on that ass. See….. I know that he "learned" that shit from daycare because hell, me nor his daddy taught him that crap!!! And in my opinion if you do NOT stop bad habits from seeding , taking root and sprouting into mighty oaks that are hard to chop down, it will be that much harder later. I like to work smart, not hard WHENEVER possible.

So, he also began this funky ass habit a bout 4-5 months ago of doing that spit/zerbert/raspberry noise with his mouth occasionally. Like I would tell him to do something or just on g.p. he would go “plllltttttttt” with his mouth. I tell him to stop and he does it again. Now, I know that sometimes kids get behavior from OTHER kids, but I don’t like it, and I do not tolerate it. So, when he does it (since he is NATURALLY stubborn and hardheaded…..yes, I can tell even at 2 years old……..) he won’t stop until I either pop him or grab him and squeeze an extremity. Now, ya’l might think that I am being hard on him, but he needs to learn lessons. There are consequences for actions. So, one day I go to the daycare and see Baby Machine “playing with him” and doing that “ppplllllt” noise with HER mouth like she was a damn 4-year old, almost in a “nah nah, nah nah nah” playful way. So, THAT’S where the dumb ass behavior comes from??? Oh, no. You need to leave.

Now, there are a couple of things that makes me think that the new place will be a little more “structured” and hopefully a little less childish. One, it is an offshoot of a church (the daycare is actually attached and conjoined with the church (separate entrance though), the caregivers are also more educated, better spoken and seemingly more mature. The environment is also in a “class-like” setting, with the ages groups neatly divided into 4 rooms. The environment is also more updated than the other center. This center has computers, newer (more ergonomically safe….at least I think so) toys and jungle jim type of toys. So, all in all I feel good about the switch.

So, we get there this morning (me & my husband went) and this boy was OFF.DA.CHAIN. from the git. I am attributing this to his “excitement” since we had been telling him that he was going to a new school today. Today is the “test” day , where he gets to come to the new center for free for a day to make sure he will acclimate o.k. So, we are getting ready to leave and he (being the child of my husband that he is ) is NOT.THINKING.ABOUT.MOMMY.OR.DADDY. He’s running, playing, jumping, grabbing the ball out of the corner……. All while the OTHER kids (though most were older that were there at that time) were sitting NICE.AND.CALMLY eating their breakfast. I was like “oh shit, they are gonna think does this child have NO home training?????” Lemme splain…….. Because the old center was in a small –ass house that was converted to a daycare, there wasn’t much room to run, and since he had been there since 10 weeks, he literally was let go from room to room and since both of the main teachers loved him, they accommodated his roaming and him having his freedom. I don’t think this place will be as accommodating with him wanting to do what he wants to do, how and when he wants to do it. But that is a GOOD THING!!! Don’t get me wrong. I KNOW them people let him get away with murder, cause he’s cute and smart. But in my mind cute and smart don’t mean shit. You have to have some self control. ( I know, I know….he JUST turned 2………) But see…this goes back to those bad ass habits that he has developed , coupled with his short attention span and now I can feel it in my BONES that he is going to have some resistance to being made to be a bit more confined. So, as we are getting ready to leave we say goodbye and he is barely even paying us any attention, because he is wild-monkey all over the room, so we scoot on out.

I am the one who picks him up in the evening, so we will see what they say he tore the hell up when I get there.

Will keep ya’ll posted on what happens…….

This is why white folks get on my nerves.

On Friday, as I was coming into our facility and getting off the bus, this guy trips coming off the bus. Well, here’s the extended scenario. Because the people who work in this building have to park about 2 ½ blocks away, there is a shuttle for us to ride to the building. It’s one of those short “airport/commuter” type of buses.

So, I’m about to get off the bus and directly in front of me is this guy, who, on the last step, catches his foot on an indentation in the step, twists his ankle, he grabs onto the handle, and while trying to get his footing almost falls all together. He didn't quite fall on his knees, but his foot twisted pretty badly. I instinctively (as he reached for the railing) extended my arm under his arm and helped to steady him with my arm which was already on the railing to help him get his balance. Because it was really almost like he tripped 3 times in the span of 3 seconds. He gets off, all pissed off, and I’m assuming, mostly embarrassed. He tells the bus driver (a black guy), while his eyebrows are knotted together something horrible, that "someone really should see about this……". So since me, him and maybe 3 other people were the last ones to get off the bus, everyone was asking him if he was alright.

So, he limps HEAVILY and says (tersely and irritatedly, almost as if to say "what a dumb-ass fucking question") to another passenger “NO, I am NOT alright”. I mean, he was limping SO BAD that he looked like he might need a wheelchair. We’re talking about a mid-40’s looking clean-cut, normal weight individual. Now the step did INDEED feel like the bottom could bust through at any moment and I too, have wondered about it on different occasions, cuz the bus has beenin circulation FOREVER, but never made an issue of it with anyone.

So, he starts to hobble and I (trying to be helpful) say "you should really report the issue with that step, to the front console people inside, because you are right, someone COULD really get hurt" (there is a console that you have to pass by upon entering the building). Now, we are walking and he’s not saying shit, but he’s looking like a mix between injured and pissed off to HIGH HELL! So, as we walk towards the console, some 150 feet away from where the incident occurred, he says to me (still in a bordering on rude mixed with injured tone…like it was my job or something to be standing there with his temporarily-crippled ass) “Wh- where, um...... do I go....up here?” as he points to the console.

I say, “yes…… they should be able to get word to people at the bus dispatch to check that bus…”. Now, I am just thinking to myself, yo assCOULD act like you are a little more grateful that someone is trying to help yo crippled, hobbling ass! Cause I was getting a little irritated at his #1, lack of conversation or even general commentary like: “yeah I know,…..that bus is dangerous” or “I really messed my foot up” or any other responses that are customary when someone (me) is talking to you. Instead he just kept walking to the console like I was SUPPOSED to be there or like he gave a shit less that I WAS trying to help his funky ass cuz all his other white-assed counterparts had long trotted on to their destinations. Jackass.

So, I am walking and as we get to the console, he is acting like he doesn’t know what the fuck to say and is just standing there for like 3 or so seconds, so I blurt out "This gentleman was on the bus that just pulled off and he twisted his foot, due to a deep indentation on the bottom of the bus….. maybe you guys could let the bus co. know or could call security at the parking garage to let them know …etc". This jackass is not saying a word. So, then an EMT (all security personnel in this building are EMT certified) starts asking him questions while another officer was commenting to me that he might have to go to medical and that 4 months ago, she thinks that it was that bus that a lady broke her foot on….blah,blah, blah…..

I think that it is funny that I was the ONLY one helping him and he SO did not acknowledge my concern. Well, actually I DO NOT think it was funny. I think it's par for the fucking course with white people in Michigan (especially). No one speaks, no one acknowledges each other. It's sad really. When I went to Atlanta (and maybe it's southern thing), but EVERYONE was speaking. At the bank. At the grocery store. In passing. People going down the street waving from their cars (and I'm SURE they had NO idea who I was. People were just friendlier.) So,maybe he was REALLY that hurt. Yeah fucking RIGHT…. His ass was WALKING (albeit with gingerly steps) but walking nonetheless…….

Well, in all the commotion, while I was talking to the other security woman, and the nother EMT was telling him where to go to medical, this jackass just walks away……

No thank you

No, fuck you very much

No NOTHING.

And I was the ONLY one sitting there TRYING to assist him. All of his OTHER fellow white people had long since left his ass like “oh well….his ass is walking so, he straight”

See…..this is what REALLY makes my disdain for white folks that much worse.

Really.

Parental Influences

I often wonder what kind of boy Dylan will be. Will he be more like me (kinda shy sometimes, discriminating) or like his father ( verrry competitive, sports loving, very outspoken, center-of-attention type). I look at his 2 year old self and can already see some maverick-type attitude in him. I think he’ll be more like his dad. Hmmmmmmm…..Or is that just a 2 year old asserting their newly found voice? I wonder if he’ll listen to the stories that I will tell him and the lessons that I have learned. If he is ANYYYYYYTHING like me, he won’t. I just hope that he will not get hurt in the process….after all, as the saying goes, “a hard head makes for a soft ass” (well…..that’s my rendition of it ..hee hee.)

I don’t think that I appreciated the tools that my mother gave me to succeed and navigate through this world until I was in college. My mother likes to tell the story allll the time of how when I was young (4 or 5ish) that I saw some little kid doing something they shouldn’t have been and just acting bad in general. I turned to her and said “oooooh, Mommy…..they better be glad that they are not YOUR child…” LOL But I knew how to act….. that comment showed that some “training” had been imparted to me…. At a young age.

I was not a bad child by any stretch of the imagination, partially because my mother did not ALLOW me to “stretch” too far from her watchful eye and ANY time. I always said that she was overly protective and I STILL think that she was, in MOST respects. Even though I now see MOST of her lessons, I still do not see WHY she had to be sooo hard on me sometimes. I was not a person who snuck out the house, who had guys over, who snuck out to see guys, who wore inappropriate clothing or who thought they could say any ole thing to their mother…..hellll naw…… I ain’t crazy! LOL My mother was the most civilized person, but she could strike fear into me in 2 seconds flat.

Me and a girlfriend of mine were talking the other day about upbringing’s and what not and she ( who reads my blog) told me her parents pretty much let her do and go where she wanted to (she and her younger brother and her older sister). She had no bedtime, no curfew, and could spend the night at her friends house all week if she so chose. I couldn’t imagine! Now you would think that her parents were the unloving, cold type, but touché….. just the opposite. Her Mom is thee SWEETEST person on the planet! Now, her Dad is a little stern, but her mother…….you couldn’t ask for a sweeter person! I told her that if I wasn’t back at THEE precise time, Peggy Ann was looking for my black ass. I couldn’t imagine being able to go and do as I pleased. I told her that your parents were SOOOOOO lucky that you all were mild mannered (she has 2 siblings) and that ya’ll were running around allll buck loosy, all around the town! LOL My mother was waaaaaaaaay to protective for all that. I told her that though Dylan is a “boy” he would NOT be allowed to come in anytime he wanted and go as he pleased and she didn’t understand why. Well, the way I see it, I WANT him to have some fun, but I also want him to respect the fact that he IS a child as long as he is in my home and that he get’s “privileges” like these…….it’s NOT a right, nor should he expect that it is a given. Now, (as many parents have said, and I’m saying it too) when YOU have YOUR own shit…..do as you like, but until then……. No deal.

Quick story: When I was 12 I asked if I could go go-cart racing with my best friend (whom my mother knew and LIKED her mother) and her 16 year old sister (who my mother also liked). They were going to leave at about 6:30 or so. The answer was a resounding “no….. you will be out too late”. I . WAS. PISSED !!!!!! It was ridiculous! Preposterous! I am not a baby!!! We woulda only have been out until 10:00 or so….. I was thinking, heck I stay UP later than THAT on the weekends!”

Hmm….. I know that me & my son will have the saaaaaame battles, because boy-child or NOT, he will NOT be allowed to do whatever or go wherever or with WHOMEVER he wants!!! There’s toooooooooo much shit to get into and it’s MY job, duty, task and assignment to make sure he DOES NOT see his way clear to be curious about ALL those things and get into a buncha shit. I don’t wanna bury my son or have him be a thug or abusing some substance (alcohol or other). So, as long as he is under MY ROOF……ya’ll know the rest. GAME OVER. MY RULES. I will let him have fun, I will PROBABLY (if he’s a good kid and gets those grades) let him have MORE FREEDOM than my mother EVER let me have. And NOT just because he’s a “boy”. See…..my husband believes in that double standard of letting boys do more, and be out more than girls. FUCK THAT ! I do not, and it ain’t going down. If I have a daughter, she will receive the SAME leeway that my son received. If I trust him to be out at a certain time, why shouldn’t I trust her??? I hate those double standards! LOL

I also want to be real with my son and tell him about the fucked up shit so that he can KNOW the real. My mother sheltered me from all kinda shit……R-rated movies, sex, porn……you know all that shyt. I WILL SHOW HIM ALL OF THAT….at some point. Yes, I said it…. ALL. OF.IT. Because you BEST believe that if you don’s show it to him, that his lil ass is gonna see it SOMEWHERE. Men find their way to the darkside LOL But seriously, I want him to know that I am his mother FIRST and foremost, but that he can come to me & his dad and trust us as well. All kids need to feel safe with their parents. But if he gets out of line and I need to lay the hammer down, so be it.

There’s this Asian chick that I work with and she has 3 dayum kids. She had 2 of them in a 12 month period (i.e. one MONTH after she had the 2nd one, her shouldn’t-have-been-fuckin ass got pregnant!). She says that her oldest who is 4 routinely “growls” at people he doesn’t know and she said that she was “surprised” that “he didn’t growl at you when he first met you….. I was so pleasantly surprised”.


WTF????


I would beat the horse-hog-shit outta my son if he was “growling” at someone when he met them. See…..no home training. My son knows NOW that there’s only SO FAR he can take that telling me “no” shit (I gives a fuck about terrible two’s….if I tell you to come here and you can tell I’m serious….which he can….. you DO NOT tell me no and keep stepping. Or you gon find my hand on dat ass…for real). I just shook ,my head. That’s why these GROWN ass men think that they can talk to women any ole way…..NO. FUCKING. HOME . TRAINING. She ain’t training him….no I take that back….she IS training him. Just the wrong way, that’s all. **shaking my dayum head***

You know...when i was about 12 my then best friend who was 11 (and was, admittedly fast) called these guys (that I didn't know NOR did I know that she had called) to meet us at the park. The guys were about 2-3 years older than me. Well, it was getting dark----quickly. Goodness, whyyyyyy did my mother come looking for me (I was my mother's only child and she was verrrrrrrry overprotective of me) and came upon us literally just standing and talking to those boys. She threatened to beat me when we got upstairs and told my girl that she was telling her grandparents IMMEDIATELY (that's who she lived with). After that day she FORBADE me to speak to or hang out with her ANYMORE, because of the same principles that your grandmother extolled. I HATED her on that day and many after that for you see, we lived in an apt. building and this girl was the ONLY girl my age IN IT. I was lonely and pissed. I would often sneak up to her apt. and sit and talk with she and her grandma, but I couldn't stay long. There were no more outings for us. A few years later I moved with my dad on the other side of town when my mother took a job in Florida. I had long since gained more friends in highschool and moved on. I saw her when I was 19 or 20 and she had 3 babies by 2 different DRUG DEALERS, one of who had been shot and killed not six months earlier.

It then hit me, i mean REALLY HIT ME, that my mother was right.....birds of a feather DO flock together. I hope this is a lesson that my son learns early………

I guess parents really do influence (sometimes unknowingly) how your do things.

CONGRATULATIONS CHER JOY AND BUTCH!!!





My niece got married on Saturday and it was a joyous occasion for all who shared in this day! I am so happy for her and her new hubby. She is 23 and has been with him for 9 years…..no, that is NOT a typo….. she has been with him for NINE years.



Wow, that’s longer than some people are married (hell than a lot of people!). But I am not surprised. My brother (her father) and her Mom have been married for 35 years and are only 53 and 52 respectively.



Now, I’m not saying that they haven’t had their problems, cuz I’m sure they have. I am saying that they made a commitment to stay in this marriage for what ladies and gentlemen…..for better or for worse. That and I think that they found each other so young that they ain’t know too much more!! HA!!!



As I think about how proud I am of her I reflect……….and (as Zed so eloquently put) am a little sadder and a little older today…..this was my baby girl, my little shadow when I was late teens/early twenties. I remember she used to come over with her mother or father at the ASS CRACK of dawn (because as you know allllllllll lil kids get up RARIN’ to go at the ass-crack of dawn……well, so did my brother and sister-in-law…….there should be laws against it, really…). Well, I was a total teenager/college student in that I didn’t RISE until AT LEAST noon! I would be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED at her coming in and fucking waking me up. I swear sometimes I wanted to throw her little 4 year old self down the stairs! And my door DIDN’T have a lock on it, so all her ass had to do was open the damn door! DAMNIT!!! I remember when she and her brother would come over and all THREE of us would sleep in the bed (queen size) together and would get kicked in the head and wake up with a leg sprawled across my face. LOL




But look at her now…… beautiful beyond measure and classy beyond her years. So, as friends toasted and made us cry at the sentiment expressed, we rejoice in this new union and new life ahead of two very special people.



I am now not only an aunt, I am her friend, and I am lucky to have her. She’s not my “lil niece” who everyone used to ask me if she was my daughter when I was like 16, because we looked so similar back then. Now, she’s married. Now I know why parents feel that mix of happy and sad when their kids grow up……

What it do folks?!

Since I returned from vacay, I have become a grand master at nothing. Meaning, I have NOT wanted, tried to or engaged in ANYTHING meaningful at this job. My disdain is as thick as the pollen around this time of year, cept……my disdain is here to stay. I have been avoiding doing work, blog-surfing, writing out bills, looking for father’s day gifts on the web, planning my kid’s b-day party and web-surfing in general since I came back. I have a fear of getting fired, but I do not. A very conscious part of my subconscious almost feels that if I DO get fired that it will be a sigh of relief and a monkee off my back (guess I’m being passive-aggressive in it’s purest form, huh?) I could quit but I have gotten in this rut of Perks vs. looking-for-a-new-job-is-a-pain-in-the-ass-and-i-might-not-be-in-any-better-situation-in-the-end type of fear situation. But yeet and still, I know I need to go.

Aside from that, I want to still have the perks of “working women” (i.e. getting hair, nails done; have my own money; not having to worry about every penny I spend) and with one income and a nice sized mortgage…..the two don’t go hand it hand. Ya know, I COULD really use a REAL break from work. I would LOVE to take like a year off and just chill. Yup. Sit on my big ass, raise my son and CHILL. Not deal with white folks and their “special” contrivances. I’d love to, but I just can’t give up the dough……. ***big ole sigh***

I get no value from this job (cept monetary), have no ambition to do anything here because it has been sucked outta me and a WHOLE lotta people at this company (for real…..I know of at least 5 people who are looking to leave ) and one (a black woman) who turned in her resignation and isn’t quitting until Aug. 10, but HAS NO JOB TO GO TO!!!! She quit a job with a GREAT salary, plays almost ALL of the corporate games, and she quit a seemingly “good job” in a state with the 2nd highest unemployment rate in the country! Get the picture? She quit because she is fed up! And she IS a goody-goody, do everything she can type. See….. I ain’t that African. I will be arbitrary JUST BECAUSE you want me to be a certain way (even if I somewhat don’t have a problem with the issue in question). I swear the older I get , the more I can see the reason that old people take NO SHIT. I’m almost at that point and I am only 35!



But anywho…… her stank ass boss (who I SWEAR is getting to be more and more like my boss cause she listens to her too much) just pissed her off! I stopped trying to learn anything new EONS ago, because everytime I would ask, my boss would have SOME reason (as if I were an LD, short-bus riding kid) justifying why she didn't want to teach me that "right now". So, I am and have been in a general malaise-ish (yup,I made that up) mood when I am here. Yeah I got work to do, but I do it when I HAVE to.

I must get outta here. For real. I have said it before, but this time for real, I gotta go. This company is contracted to another bigger company and because it is contract renewal time, the bigger co. is SQUEEZING the blood outta this co. and they are talking about making SO MANY CUTS, that it’s not EVEN funny! I feel that it’s just a matter of time before it’s me. Why you say? Because my boss recently told me that I am going to take on some of FATBALL's work because he got additional responsibilities and because(and I quote) "The president feels that you need to be more involved in more HR functions……and if there was any job I was worried about with this whole contract negotiation, it was yours."

WTF??????

That bitch had hinted around before but had never said THOSE words. I tend to be thick when it comes to shit like that because if I don’t, I will worry (I am a worrier) TOO much. My theory: Deal with it when it comes.

So, I know that I have just become complacent and spoiled in terms of having a leisurely work-pace, and as a result of my boss being a horrible boss combined with the perks of this job…. Those things keep me here. That and the fact that I can AFFORD to slough off on work for a week, surf the net and STILL get the majority of my work done, is appealing to me. Hell, I DO NOT want to work like a dog. Some of YA’LL might, but I don’t. Some do and are driven and ENJOY the “challenge.......I do not. I have never been a competitive person. I just want to do a job and go home. I HAVE a life outside of these walls, she does not. I have a child, she does not. And I have other friends. She does not. So, you can seee how her expectations and my reality clash. Now, I used to want to excel and learn but this job has stagnated that desire. Coporate Industry Rule Number 4,080…..all these muthafuckas are shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady. (name that sample Hip Hop heads….not you Zed, I know YOU know!)

But I was not always like this. Coming outta college, I wanted to excel, make a name for myself and have a title. I “happened upon HR (since it is NOT what I went to college for, as a matter of fact, I never had ONE HR or business course in college). And here I am doing it because I know how to talk to people. I am good at it and you can get a lot farther with a coke and a smile than being a bitch (well……sometimes being a bitch DOES get you farther, but you will be alone, and have no allies , for everyone is talking about you behind your back. Nor does being a “bitch” instill feelings likely to incite people to work harder FOR you). This makes me wonder if HR is for me. I am good at it because of the people aspect, but I HATE laws. I am really and TRULY a person that BELIEVES in bending a rule here, slashing it there…… I hate goody-goody people and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not the “employee role model”. What I do should NOT be determined on how "others" will see me .... I hate that whole expectation that I have to be so "beyond reproach". Hey..... I am NOT perfect, I am human..... yet I am expected to makw NO MISTAKES. FUCK THAT. I don't believe in that theory, which is why I have this dichotomy going and have problems navigating my way through this job as an HR person. I have a life and THIS job is not it, therefore you won’t see me staying late unless I absoulutely need to get work done or if is mandated(which just happened recently for our whole group because of a software changeover) and THEN I WILL have an attitude---- I will try to cover it up, but it will be there.

This is why I question daily if HR is for me. I could go to another job and maybe have a better boss but….**shudder** I may not. You see, though leaving one job and going to another and that new job being WORSE or just as bad doesn’t usually happen to people , it FO SHO happened to me (Zed, please back me on this since my pervious boss was one of your frat and YOU even know the horrors and jackass behavior he exhibited). My former boss and this boss (working for them has been around 7 of the worst work- years of my life collectively) are assholes and TERRIBLE bosses. I know, I know, I sound suspect because usually if a problem persists, the common denominator is the root cause. Trust me (Zed, please testify), I am a VERY objective person and can TELL you my faults and in THIS case, it ain’t me. It’s REALLY them assholes.

But just like opinions…I guess everyone’s got em in their lives.....somewhere..... assholes that is….. and everyone's gotta deal with them at some point.

Free reign

It’s amazing that people who routinely talk badly (i.e. talking on the phone to someone and when referring to someone not present, berating them “Stupid ass” or “yeah HE’S a genius” or “She’s dumb as a bag of rocks”) and can routinely get the top scores on their performance review. Isn't that some shit that at most jobs would get you pulled into somebody's officed and counseled? At MIMIMUM??

If you all haven’t figured out yet, I am talking about this jackass at my job. I sit next to him and he routinely dogs people to other people or curses when speaking about how somebody "fucked something up again.......just brilliant!" or says really nasty shit about someone and it’s just accepted as “that’s how he is”. He came from a “plant” type of environment , and when I say plant I mean production plant. This in NO way justifies his behavior or verbiage, this is just for info. sake. So, you know men in particular, talk any ole kinda way at plants more often than NOT and it’s called “shop talk”. Well, more and more you are seeing that “shop talk” is being done away with because often times that talk has landed some company in litigation involving a sexual harassment claim by some woman who has been called some misogynistic or just plain nasty name . And these days (i.e. the days of sexual harassment and harassment in general) more and more people are not taking that crap.

So, why do I sit here and take listening to this muthafucka? The way he speaks bothers the shit outta me not because the words that he uses are offensive (cuz I ROUTINELY cuss like a sailor AT HOME ), but because he is so blatant and so terse with his wording. There is no tact. If we are to “work together as a team”, how can we do that when if someone fucks up on something (which let’s face it,……it happens) the person who has the answer or is sent to help fix it, constantly undermines their credibility to other co-workers and spreads stank ass sentiments throughout the organization like a cancer. So, the REASON I have to deal with this EVEN THOUGH I work IN HUMAN RESOURCES is because my boss is a bitch who thinks this lousy jackass rules the world and because he is in command of information that she does not possess. Therefore, she cant’ effectively manage him, because he KNOWS more in his area of expertise than she does,and losing his expertise (I’ll admit it) would be a very big loss.

But my thing is, if you can reprimand me about some inane ass bullshit, you can reprimand his ass. FUCK that! You talk about building company allegiance and staving off turnover, but you allow people like him to act any way he wants to! And we work in an environment where even a WHISPER can be heard in the cube next to you (I am not exaggerating). So, I KNOW MANY other people have heard him. I wonder do they feel like I do?

This , to me, just fuels white folks in their thinking that they can do whatever they wanna do. Perfect example: You ever player a gama of “chicken” with a white person at the mall or the grocery store or walking down the street (even if YOU are in a car)? Them muthafuckas will NOT MOVE! Why? Because they expect YOU to move! It’s common courtesy in most instances for BOTH people approaching each other to step aside a bit for the on-coming person. But white folks? They don’t. I have literally shoulder checked some white bitches because I refuse to move because they obviously have more room to move over than me and they just walk and talk like they don’t see nobody and don’t have a care in the world. It’s true. If you’ve never tried it, try it sometime….you’ll see……

Another factor is that I work for a woman, and it’s a proven fact that MOST times a woman WORKING for a woman is simply NOT good! Too many power struggles and too much for the top bitch to prove. Which makes me wonder if I had any subordinates that were woman, how would I be?.....hmmmmmm……. So, we have this bitch who WANTS to be submissive yet aggressive in the workplace and still wants to defer to a man who lets him do whatever he wants to do. Runnin’ free…..

Lil Boy

He smiles, I smile. I look at him and see such innocence. His mind is as unsoiled as the water flowing over the rocks through a mountain stream. Fresh and clean. We sit and I read the letter “E” book to him from his Elmo book series. Well, halfway through he get’s restless: “Mommy, let’s watch Mon-ter Ink” (that's the movie Monster's, Inc. for those of you without lil ones). I oblige, happy to be his concierge, happy to be in his presence and if for no other than this moment, happy to be HIS mommy. Out of all of the Mommy’s in the world, God picked ME to be the one to raise, shelter, hold, protect, love, discipline, teach and watch-over this little boy. I am blessed.

When I am hating my job and HATING what I CAN’T do, and hating my limitations (some self imposed I’m sure), it is moments like this that breathe happiness into my frumpiness. While we were in Atlanta, one night we were getting ready to put him to bed and I said “Hey, you ready to go nite-nite?” He looked at me and said (with the cutest, most innocent look) “Mommy, I bin sleeping all DAY”, and when he said it he held his hands out with his palms up and dropped them as he made his definitive statement . I just laughed and laughed…….



In those moments I know that I am blessed and all of the things I fuss about are not important…….the moment…..the emotion……the love is what is important. Isn’t that what God really wants us to feel anyway? The love?

Peace

On vacation......

“If you want me you can find me in the A!……” ~Kryptonite

Hey good people, I know it’s been a minute AGAIN since I posted something. For that I sincerely apologize. I am in Atlanta on vacation as we speak! I am sooooooooooo glad to be on vacation and away from that dayum tyrant of a boss that I deal with. I am off until the Tuesday after Memorial Day and it is not a day too long! I have been NEEDING a damn vacation and a 3-day weekend here or there just don’t do it for me anymore. I remember when I was younger (early 20’s) when a 3 day weekend was enough for me not to feel agitated and would leave me feeling refreshed. But NOW??? Only a week at a time leaves me feeling like I didn’t sleep with the muthafucka that I work with last night.

We’d been planning on coming down to Atlanta for about 3 months now, and at first we ‘d decided to fly. After all it’s quick and for those of us (me) that HATE long car trips it’s simply superb. But then my husband (the flossin’ nigaro that he is) just got a 2007 Tahoe and wanted to DRIVE (I know it was just to show off the truck because with gas a fuckin high as it is we ain’t saving THAT much money! Hmmph!). So, the truck has a DVD player and since our son has recently become fascinated enough to sit still to watch a movie, he figured that this would be a good thing. Me? I’m thinking “I don’t wanna drive because MY ass might not be able to take the trip. Forget if the kid can take it, MY ASS might not be able to take it! LOL

So, against my better judgement, we decide to go. So, we thought that if we left at night it would be better so that baby monkee could sleep at LEAST 5-6 hours of the TWELVE HOUR trip. Did ya’ll here me?? 12222222222222 hours with a 23 month old in the car. A courageous endeavor to say the least!!! So, we get the water, the soda, the juice, milk for the monkee, got clothes, toiletries, books THREE Elmos’s and pleeeeeenty of DVD’s INCLUDING his favorite Monster’s Inc., which I have seen at LEAST 50 times in the last 3 weeks alone, but that he acts as if he’s never seen it EVERYTIME it comes on! So, we’re all set. We decide to leave at about 1:00am so that we could both get some sleep and be a little bit rested.

Well, 1:00 turned into 2:30 am since we had BOTH worked on Friday and we were BOTH tired as hell from doing last minute preparations to leave. So, we get the monkee up, put him in the car in his jammies and set out. Now first of all, you’d think this lil niglet would go back to sleep right???? Noooooooooo. He was UP until like 5:30am and then only slept for ONE SOLITARY HOUR the whole rest of the trip **SIGH** But actually I shouldn’t be making it sound worse than it was because he did REMARKABLY well. He only got fidgety in the last 2 hours and that’s about when my patience ran out too.

So, we’re floating along and making good time. I took over driving about 4 hours in and was feeling rested. Then it happened. I went around a curve and couldn’t see a fucking cop and that muthafucka stopped me and gave me a ticket! BASTARD! I was doing 82 in a 65. This jackass comes up to the car with the usual “Ma’am, do you know how fast you were going?” I wanted to be like “obviously not fast enough to out run yo cracka ass!” But I restrained myself having seen the movie Crash and being paranoid now. My husband says “yeah, it’s just been a long night with the little one”, which I chorused in on and seconded that. Now, our son, is in the back saying “hi! Hello! Hi! Hello!” I wanted to say to him “STOP TALKING TO THIS MUTHAFUCKA who is about to give me a fucking ticket!!” I literally can’t remember the last time I had a ticket! It was at LEAST 15 years ago.

Now, I am sitting here on the verge of tears for several reasons: #1,because I pride myself on not having tickets and being ticket free,#2 which goes along with #1, I am thinking just FUCKING GREAT, now my AUTO insurance is going to go UP! FUCKKKKKKKKK! And the BIGGEST reason #3, is because the company I work for has a FUCKED up policy where you cannot have 2 at fault accidents OR more than 2 moving violations in a 24 month period or you WILL.BE.FIRED. Did ya’ll here me? And this is for EVERYONE in the company whether you drive a company vehicle or NOT. I have SEEN people be fired for it. Not many, but it still happens. And to boot, there is a countrywide-DMV check run on EVERYONE’s driving record, each and EVERY year,so if you get a ticket in Alaska, it will show up. So, though I’m not in jeopardy of being fired now, I only have ONE more strike. So, I am thinking ALLLLLLLL of this (in between the time I got pulled over and the time I get the fucking ticket) and I am just getting MADDER, and MADDER. The asshole cop brings me back the ticket and as he is explaining that I was actually going FASTER becuase he didn't clock it until I had passed him and I had put on brakes, and what to do to pay this $175 TICKET and I am sitting there simply seething and paying him NO attention and was just as oblivious to what he is saying. He might as well have been talking like the characters in a Chalie Brown cartoon…. “waah, wah, wah, …..wah…wah….wah…wah…”. Because it was all I could do to keep it together because I was shook with a capital “S”. After that I REALLY didn’t wanna drive (cause I DAMN SHO couldn't afford to get a SECOND ticket and hadn't even MADE it to Atlanta yet!)and was pissed. So, as the cop was leaving he goes “O.K. ma’am…. Take it easy and slow it down….especially with the little ones in the car”. Do ya’ll know how I wanted some kinda alien from outerspace to come down right then and snatch his fuckin head off so when I testified as to how he died, I could have said in good conscience “I don’t know WHAT mangled his head into 10,000 shards of flesh…..” **shrug**

Yeah.... I was pissed off like THAT!

So, as I roll up the window, I SNATCHED the gear shift into drive and yelled “FUCK!!”. My husband IMMEDIATELY screams “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?????!!!!!!!!” Referring to my “abuse” of his car. We immediately got into a fucking argument as I am now driving AND crying, mad as hell and flustered. He’s like “ JUST PULL THE FUCK OVER! I’LL DRIVE THE REST OF THE WAY” (which at this point since we were only in Kentucky was about another 6 ½ hours). I’m like “FINE! Cause if YOUR ASS hadn’t have insisted that we DRIVE, MY ASS wouldn’t have gotten a TICKET !!”

***crickets…..***

Why did I say that? Because at THAT point my husband just STOPPED talking to me because of me saying that and blaming my ticket on him. (yes, it was wrong, but I was really feeling that way at the time….true displacement of anger for ya’ll psychology folks).

So, the rest of the trip was pretty shitty because I am DEFINITELY the type of person who is stubborn and once I am in a funk, I am NOT coming out until I GETGOOD AND DAMN READY. Can’t help it, it’s just a flaw I’ve come to accept about myself. And being in some cramped ass quarters with a 23 month old who is getting fidgety and a husband who has an attitude because YOU have an attitude does NOTHING to help assuage my attitude. Top that off with the fact that we were BOTH operating off of less sleep than normal and you have a recipe for attitude’s abounding.

So, when we were about 2 hours away I felt a little better (though me & my husband hadn’t been talking much since then), and I decided I’d drive the rest of the way. Well, we got here and since then I haven’t really thought about the ticket.

So..... all I can do is pay the damn ticket and be very careful. At this point I am not gonna focus on it and have a good vacation. And the best part of this vacation for me is that we’re going to see all the movies we don’t have a chance to see (due to lack of folks to leave the litle one with) at home because not only is my husband’s Mom here, MY mom came up from Florida as well, so he has TWO grandmama’s to watch over his lil booty. For that I am grateful and happy that I can get some rest…….

And all is well again…..
Carry on…..

“…to be continued….”

Truths

I am sorry that it has been sooooo long readership, since I have posted anything. It truly seems that at night when I can post (bugaboo, muthafucka-looking-at-your-computer-screen-free) I am so dang on tired.

Allllllso, I am still trying to hone my photography/Photoshop skills at night after I am done with all of my other motherly duties and there is simply NO time to do it at work lately (except for now) hee hee. But seriously, I have always wanted to be a photographer and thought that it would simply not pay the bills. But now, I am tryin’ to be the next Herb Ritts ya’ll !!!



I have always been the one with a camera in hand at ANY event just WAITING to snap a pic! I also knew that before the digital age, I did NOT have the funds needed to mess up a whole Rite-Aid full of Kodak film, PLUS the developing costs just to learn. So it has always been on the back burner. Now that I have been able to buy a beginner’s pro camera (Nikon D50), I am rarin’ and set to go. Oh, but wait….there’s additional lenses that need to be bought, there’s additional flash units, lighting, backdrops not to mention Photoshop photo editing software and website software (yeah I want it all)...….and the list goes ON! Now, though my husband is supportive, he is ALSO NOT feeling the expensiveness of said camera equip. because the money is going OUT but it hasn’t come IN as of yet. So, I tread gingerly about what I have bought since I got this camera in November. Now, one thing I do NOT believe in at this point (because I am trying to become a professional) is skimping on the equipment. It’s kinda the “you get what you pay for “ theory. Now, I know that I can’t have a dayum $4,500 Nikon D2X, but I do need quality equipment. So, I’ve been a lil busy ya’ll ! But since it’s really just me trying to be happy with ME, and I have finally fond what I like,



have dreamed about this since I was a young girl, and now I am making it a reality ya’ll !! I am finally at the point where I am coming to terms with “who I am” and getting a better sense of “what I wanna do”. I have always been a person who never quite knew what they wanted to do. I have always been confused, hell, when I graduated from college, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to be and it just so happened that I feel in to HR because I was doing it at this temp job that I had AFTER I graduated from college AND had a dang degree! So, this is a good feeling to be able to understand my OWN wants and desires and be able to have the wherewithal and support to make it happen! I’m not quite at the point where I am totally happy with self, but I am working on it…slowly but surely.

But onto the meat of today’s post! There are certain truths that I have come to accept about life, my life and people in general. Allow me to detail them to ya

1. Everyone is CRAZY to SOME extent. You just have to find the person who can deal with YOUR kind of craziness. That person? Who are those people? Answer: soulmate/best friend

2. A person will fuck you before they fuck themselves. Never forget that.

3. For the MOST part white people and black people think VERY differently…..probably because most whites and blacks have VERY different experiences ofttimes due to the color of their skin.

4. Though you may experience pain and hurt, time will heal most wounds

5. I have a natural propensity towards being lazy….if left to my own devices I would NOT work, and would do what I WANT TO DO all day (but that’s most people,eh?)

6. I will never be a size 6

7. Common sense ain’t too common. I encounter people often who do some DUMB-ASS SHIT and I think, “you couldn’t have POSSIBLY thought that was a good idea!!!!!” (but I guess they did, cause they did it!LOL)

8. If I do NOT make a career change that supports my creativity and freedom, I will NOT BE ABLE to retire until I am very old. I believe that if I am doing something I like that has the potential to be lucrative, I can make it work, because it will not BE work to me.

9. A whole lotta folks walk around with WHITE on like it’s O.K. to do before the traditional Memorial Day and we're in Michigan where it's possible that OUR asses could still see a snowflake or two at any given time before the end of MAY!(no, not winter white either)

10. Most men, even the progressive, savvy ones, want some aspects of a “traditional” wife/mother as their mate.

11. Stress is underrated……it will drive you crazy.

12. Children really do keep you young…..and on your toes!

13. My TRUE friends are for life

14. Working for a living is EXTEREMLY overrated. There are sooooooooo many other things to explore in this wide world and sadly, I will NEVER have the kinda time (more than likely) to do it!

Lata!
r.

Potty for all

Well, my little one has started to potty train himself. Yup, you heard me, potty train HIMSELF. I am amazed at him as I watch him grow and learn and SPEAK and put thoughts together and put sentences together. I am still in that “you are a real person” amazement phase that probably every mother goes through at some point or another. Sometimes I really hate that I can’t be at home with him, to teach him and to learn FROM him. He says “mommy, read book……” in his small a sweet voice as I am about to leave. His dad takes him to school on most mornings because he doesn’t have a micromanaging asshole clock-watching him , so he can be a little later going in to work. Sometimes, I don’t even get a chance to say good morning to my baby because I am gone before he wakes if it’s one of those days where he’s a little more tired. But on these days, when he really wants ME to stay (usually he’s a Daddy’s boy, much to my damn shagrin) it hurts me that I cannot be there and take the time to just sit down and do something as simple as read a book.





He now wants to feed himself, though he makes a mess, and it's so cute to see him try. And messes are o.k. after all, that's what being a kid is about. He can now pretty much feed himself out of this cereal bowl......all this and he's not even 2. Is that fast for his age **shrug** I dunno....I just know that I'm proud :-)






Women who are in the corporate work-world and are mommies deal with this all the time, but it’s different now. It’s different because it’s now ME. I now see and feel their pain. And I hate the fact that I have to leave him every single day and potentially miss out on his accomplishments. What if he has some big significant accomplishment with **gasp, gulp** with one of them “surrogate caregivers” (i.e. the daycare people) and not with ME or my husband! I hate the thought……. And thusfar, if anything major has happened in his development like 1st step or 1st word, the daycare folks haven’t said anything. But…..there is also a dichotomy within me……for I also know that within me, I am NOT a solely stay-at-home mother type. I would lose my everlovin mind being at home 24/7, no change of scenery, no change of venue, NO adult interaction and no break from my little one. Though I love my little one with every fiber of my being, since I LIVE where we’d be all the time and my shopping habit would be almost cut down to NOTHING since we’d be livin off one salary…….I might lose my mind with that option too.! I would ideally love to work 3 days a week and make at least 80% of what I make and have 4 days to spend with him. That would work…..wait hold on…





…….SLAP……


O.K., I’m back, I had to slap myself back into reality! That shit just ain’t probable…… it COULD happen if that PERFECT opportunity came and that PERFECT salary came with it, but REALITY is that that just isn’t MY reality. So, this is why it means so much to me when I ask the daycare folks “Have you been working with him in terms of potty training yet?” and they replied “No….. not as of yet, but he sees when we take all of the older kids to the bathroom etc……”. It makes me feel good that it is apparent that it is because of me and my husband that he is starting to train himself! He is a very smart little boy and seeing as though he’s a potty voyeur (i.e. you CAN’T go to the bathroom without him being present) he’s picked up on everything from sitting on the potty, to the fact that you need tissue, to washing your hands when you are done.

So, here we are, in the potty and since I introduced him to his potty seat last week, he’s been uberly fascinated with it. So, he OUT.OF.THE.BLUE says “Mommy, I go potty…”. I say “Do you have to GO potty or did you already go?” . He says “I got go potty”. Well, la-dee-da…..I am ALLLLLLLLLL to happy to oblige him, I take the potty seat, plop it on top of the regular seat (I personally think those things that kids piss and shit in that I HAVE TO CLEAN OUT are DISGUSTING for that VERY reason, so that ain’t goin down in Motown) and I take his diaper off and plop him on it.


Laaa la laaa laaa

“what…what’s that I hear?” This boy starts peeing after like 2 minutes! I was amazed! See below.....



Boy asked for his tissue and everything!! LMAO!! He is tooooo funny to me!

So, after that, we get off the potty and he asks to wash his hands (dayum my baby is smart!) and the one thing I have to say is that if this keeps up, he'll be trained by his 2nd birthday! And Mommy couldn't be MORE overjoyed at THAT possibility!!! Though these days are the sweetest days in terms of him still being my "baby", I am also excited to see him grow and learn and ask for things in sentences ("mommy I want apple" or "i don't like it" or "mommy washie hands for me" or my favorite "I carry you" which means he wants ME to carry HIM down the stairs). I know this time is fading fast, and he'llbecome more independent and I can see he ALREADYhas his daddy's love of people (the boy ain't scared to talk to NOBODY)and his agressive, competitive nature. Cause Momma is more relaxed than them two men in my house, so he OBVIOUSLY got it from the "daddy monkey" as he calls his father. And YES he really calls him that when he's with me or when he's with him.....and YEEEEEEEES I started him calling him that and it kinda stuck so now the baby calls him that! LOL TOO FUNNY! But, he's growing up and soon will be riding bikes, and playing T-ball and liking girls....



But for now he's my Elmo loving, sweet boy and that's just the way I like it!

be e-z......

Slap your irritating co-worker day!

Hey ya’ll this is an oldie but goodie. I meant to post about my baby and his potty adventures, but I'll wait until tommorrow for that :)

Anyway, here's an oldie but goodie for you guys to laugh at!



Tomorrow is the official “Slap Your Irritating Co-Worker “ Holiday: Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don’t give a rat’s ass about? (yup….my dumb-ass boss is constantly telling me and others who gives a damn LESS about her aging momma, her dead dog, her new house, her buying a bedspread, her siblings all of whom have MULTIPLE things physically wrong with them, etc……O.K. CHECK!) Do you have a co-worker who ALLLLWAYS fucks something up , thereby creating MORE work for your ass ( my boss creates DUMB ass spreadsheets for everything…sometimes redundant mind you and then will wanna change something in it and FUCK UP formulas and SWEAR she gave it to YOU correct and that YOU fucked it up……O.K., CHECK!)??? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much ass; you can look in their mouth and see what their BOSS ate for lunch (I swear, if I had a dime for every time I saw my boss smiling her shit-eatin grin at the president ….i’d be a rich ass**smdh**…O.K. , CHECK!)? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it (I swear, if there is a social event, which are few and far between these days because of the saving initiative that’s been going on for the last 2 years, but when there IS a potluck or something, when THAT hoe starts talking and you aren’t OBLIGATED to stay people fake it like they need to go say hi to bobby jo in the corner over there……people get away from this bitch as quickly as possible…..for real ya’ll……..O.K. CHECK!?) Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very proud and extremely happy to announce tomorrow as

SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY !!!

There are some rules you must follow:
• you can only slap one person per hour
• you can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the asme day.
• You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-worker’s take turns slapping the irritant.
• No weapons allowed… other than going upside somebody’s head with a stapler, hole puncher or if you must (to get your point across) the paper slicer. Just hit em….don’t slice em.
• If questioned by a supervisor (or the police if the supervisor is the irritant), you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE !!!!

Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that could benefit from this intervention that you wanna slap the hog-shit out of and get to slappin’…… and have a great day!

Cover thine own asses!

This is save ya OWN Ass Friday!

In the ever continuing corporate bit-o bullshit saga… (dayum, I'm FOREVER having something to complain about when it comes to this job! * sigh *)

Check this out….. This morning, I got an e-mail from a manager at our company saying that he was ready to make a job offer to “this guy”. However, “this guy” had some issues that may prevent him from being hired. Boss-Bitch (I like that phrase) says “Robyn, you need to tell “Manager 1” (who “this guy” would be working for) that I DO NOT agree with this decision to hire him because of __issue#2___. He will need to document the fact that he’s been advised of this in the event that “this guy” messes up. He needs to know that I don not agree with his choice and that it is his choice to hire “this guy”.

Me: O.K. I’ll let him know.

Now he had sent me the message below after Boss-bitch told me to let “Manager 1” know the info. above. And I consequently responded to it, telling him what Boss-Bitch said. I cc’ed Boss Bitch on this e-mail so she could see that I did what she asked me to do. She come’s FLYING wit' her wig all twisted, over to me like 15 minutes later (I’m assuming as soon as she saw the e-mail) bothered by the fact that I told “Manager 1”

EXACTLY. WHAT. THAT. BITCH.SAID

Please see the communication below for details:


From: Manager 1 [ Manager1@stankassco.com
Sent: Friday, March 24, 2006 10:42 AM
To: Robyn __________
Subject: “This Guy” Offer


Robyn,
I've talked with “this guy”. I would ask that the offer be for a base
salary of $XX,XXX.00, plus his 10% at risk. He can start as early as
Monday, _________ - so it's just an issue of when we can get the offer to him.

My thanks, Manager 1.

-----Reply Message-----

Hi Manager 1,

Thanks for the quick return. Just to let you know that "Boss Bitch" advised me that she wants it to be said that she does not agree with choosing him due to his issue#2 with the _____. I did show her the e-mail's that he sent to you and that you forwarded to me regarding his __issue #2__and ___issue#1___. "Boss Bitch" indicated that there was not a problem with the ___issue#1___as this would not be a criteria used to disqualify someone, however, due to the fact that this individual has fiduciary responsibilities as a ___________, she is not in agreement with this choice based on the lack of financial responsibility evidenced by the ___issue#2____.

She further indicated that you will need to write a memo to file regarding your decision to hire this individual, stating that you are aware of the past problems he has had regarding his finances and that you are comfortable with hiring him.

Call me with any questions.

Thanks,
Robyn

So, this bitch is pissed and I’m like ‘WHAT?!!!’ Why in the FUCK are you pissed that I told him exactly what YOUR ass said. She goes “ well, It comes off like I am trying to be Queen Bee (yes, ya’ll…this white woman who has NO knowledge of black shit said it) and I just wanted you to tell him that there may be some issues……….” It was at THAT point that I tuned her out and mumbled an “oh, sorry….. I didn’t want Manager 1 to think that it was MY doing, since I do not have that power, THEREFORE, I DID want to make it clear that it came from you and I told him that you didn’t agree with it….. (thinking, what’s the damn problem BITCH?) If I do what you say, I fuck up,if I DON’T do what you say I am now doing things as you “DIRECTED ME” to do (and yes, she has NO problem coming at me with those exact words). So, I win when I lose and vice versa. It’s always a fuckin no win situation with this stank ass hoe.

I’m goin on Monster right now…..naw, for real this time ya’ll…… it’s always something with her funky micromanaging ass. But guess what…….? I COVERED MY OWN ASS on this one! Cause "Manager 1" woulda come at ME all funky if it hadn’t have been clear that this was not me trying to be Billy-Bad-Ass and make decisions not within my realm of authority (because Boss Bitch gives NO ONE authority, she must have it all), and I was gon’ make DAMN sho he knew it was HER wishes, not mine. Naw... BITCH! You ain't EVEN gon put this on me because you DO run around here and act like "Queen Bee".....it ain't no damn secret! People pretty much know she's a shitty individual 98.9 percent of the time, the other 1.1% she's trying to be a fake ass and ACT like she "really cares about your well being".

Whatever dude. If you got the balls bitch then OWN UP TO THEM MUGS!!!! You said what you wanted me to tell him, it's not MY job to infer or soften shit. Cause if I did, then you'd have ANUTHA problem that I didn't do "what I directed you to do". NOPE! Your own shittiness got'cha bitch! LOL

It's these small, shitty victories that count ya'll....small shitty victories :-) hee hee!

Moral of the story: Don’t tell me to do something hoe if you don’t want me to do it.

Have a good weekend ya’ll !!!!

Today’s bit’o corporate bullshit….

Hello kiddies! Well, I’m back for another exciting
rant on

“TODAY’S BIT’O CORPORATE BULLLLLLLLLLLLLSHIT”

Well, today’s bit’o bull comes from a co-worker of
mine and this is a good one. This woman (a black
woman) told me that this young, attractive white boy
who works for OUR company was recently told that he
was FORBIDDEN to go to lunch with a white girl
who works for the client that we service. WTF???? My first question is why? Did they have any ties professionally ? Did she report to him or vice versa? What caused this mandate?

Before my corporate police readers
come down on me, let me say this: This white boy is
married, is about 24, attractive, etc., and has NO
dealings with this white girl (who doesn’t even reside
on our floor in this building) professionally. They
have no juris diction over each other, do not report, do not take
orders from nor, AGAIN, do they have ANY professional ties to
each other. So what’s the problem, right?

Well, the big bad “Director of all things we must suck
ass because the CLIENT said so” dictated it. This would be the boy’s director (I say boy because he looks like he’s about 15!).

Apparently the “perception” was that there might have have been some
impropriety going on betwixt them and he is married
(she is unmarried) and that since the “perception”
(there’s that funky ass word again) was that “people”
were talking about them having LUNCH together so often, and
because the CLIENT said
so…..it must stop

*shaking my head thinking that
I’d probably be fired if that shit had been DEMANDED
of me*

You all have noooooooooooooooooooooo right or dominion
over WHO IN THE FUCK I EAT LUNCH WITH!!!! There is no
“business reason” other than some shitty
ass/half-baked ass “perception” that the two of them
“might be “ fuckin’. And there IS NO conflict of interest just because she works for the client, so that ain't it. And if so, AGAIN….is it the business of my company or hers???? NO ! That is THEIR issue and THEIR problem! I SWEAR white folks get so into what is “perceived” and what they think and in people’s business SO TOUGH, that it just drives me INSANE!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT if they are fucking?!!!! Ain’t that HIS
business and HER business????!! I heard tell that the
girl was very upset when this mandate came down last
week. Now this boy (he really looks like he’s about
15…..for real) works in a sensitive area where MUCH
confidential info. COULD be disseminated if he so
chose. So, maybe that’s why they were all up in arms,
huh?

FUCK THAT! If you all can’t PROVE that I have leaked
company secrets, then get the fuck off my back! I get
an UNPAID 1 hour lunch and I should be able to eat
with WHOMEVER I see fit! FUCK THAT!


Personal Interjection:
Now, for those that don’t know me, this is a sensitive
subject with me because my bitch-ass boss at one point
stopped me & my girl from eating together but her real
reason (see: I’m jealous because you two are close
and have secrets that you DON’T tell me and I’m acting
like a 5-year old who you won’t play with….no for
real….. that was the ONLY reason….. because she wanted
to be “in” our little group and we refused to let the
bitch in….so she got spiteful) was thinly veiled
within the mighty “BUSINESS NECESITY” line. She had
told us (because we work in the SAME group, that she
“needed to have someone (other than the guy that does
labor because he knows NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hr/benefits
stuff…..I mean NONE) here who can help with benefits
in case I am pulled into a meeting,etc. so you two
need to stagger your lunches” Well, there wasn’t much
we could do to fight that shyt because this bitch is a
MASTER lie-weaver/hide-shit-in-a-corporate-business-reason
mufucka. And if we hadda made a stink about it (i.e.
go to the president because that’s the ONLY place we
can take shit because this hoe IS THE HR VP……he’d have
submitted to her in an “well-that-makes-sense-we-have-to-be-customer-service-oriented” bullshit way, because he’s REDICULOUS when it comes to “the client is always right” type shit…..his ass
shoulda worked for Burger King because when it comes
to the client NOTHING is questioned and they can
basically “have it your way” with us….. I hate that
shit too…which is why unless I was ready to get fired
I would NEVER take ANYTHING to the president……he’s too
unaware/don’t care when it comes to recognizing her
evil ways)


But the real is that this boy was promised a job BEFORE he even graduated college and he had not had ANY (did ya’ll hear me) ANNNNNNNY experience doing what the job required. They liked him though, and that was alls he wrote. He has since got 2 SIGNIFICANT raises in the 2 years that he has been here (outside of the normal “pay raise” time period, mind you….) because he was “learning so well and could be considered to be the same level now as the other two guys he works woth”.


What – the – fuck – ever……. Sell stupid somewhere else, I’m all stocked up. The truth is, that because he’s a white male, he has received truly unjustified (wait….does “because I want to give it to him qualify as justifiable???? Just asking) raises!! Like I said, I really feel that I do NOT need to be in HR because seeing all of this UNFAIR ASS SHIT makes me madder than HELL !!! Had I not seen all that I have seen (especially monetary-wise) I probably wouldn’t have the “life ain;t fair and white folks get over WAAAAY more than blacks thanks to the good ole boys & girls network” attitude. But I do….. Cause I know what I know and I’ve seen what I’ve seen.

But ole boy COULDN’T rock the boat and say shit in opposition to this mandate because he has GOT TA know that he is making az DAYUM good salary for the (lack of) years of experience he has and his new little wifey be done KILT (yes, I did say it) his ass if he comes home talking about I got fired because I stood up to the powers that be because I couldn’t have lunch with my trinket at work…… PUH LEASE ! He ain’t stupid……There is NO Way without a whooooooooooooole lot of looking and patience could he probably #1 find the type of job that he has (because his job is very different and weird) nor could he command this SAME salary elsewhere. He’s only got TWO freakin years into this field and ANYWHERE else would NOT want to pay his ass, so he PROMPTLY shut the fuck up and went on and dealt with that blow. They probably are fuckin or at least enjoy flirtin……nah…..they fuckin! LOL

Anyway, the end all and be all is that I’dda blown up that SPOT cause I work in HR, and there are enough HR jobs out there that they’da HAD to give me a justifiable JOB RELATED reason why I couldn’t have LUNCH with someone.

Eat or Die ya’ll…….
r.

Black. White.

O.K., I have been wanting to post about this new DUMB ASS show Black.White. that is on FX. Lawd, ya’ll…. I watched this show and wanted to jump through the screen at these folks.

This was my first time watching it, as I missed the opening show last week. Well, if you haven’t heard of it, this is a reality-t.v. show where one black family (mother, father and son) get make-up put on their entire body so that they appear white and a white family (mother, father, daughter) get made up to look black.

FIRST CRITICISM: If is almost IMPOSSIBLE to make a black person with strong features (see: big ass nose and big lips) look like anything other than a pasty albino looking mufucka and that is EXACTLY what the black woman made up to look white, looks like! She LOOKS like a black woman in white face!!! Take a look at her ass!!!



Come on, and the son and the father ain’t no better! You just cannot make black people with strong features look WHITE! They look like they crawled out of a damn can of pasty-ass Poppin Fresh Biscuits. PUH-LEASE.

Now, the white people look a wee bit more believable as a whole, but that Momma…..she looks a hot-fire-shit mess.




That afro on her ass is ridiculous but she could still pass for black. The father looks a bit suspect to me, but maybe that’s because I am black and if I were to see him I’d look at his ass like “something ain’t right about his ass……” but might now be able to put my finger on it. But that white GIRL. Baaay-bee……. She looks JUST LIKE A BLACK GIRL when they make her up! Do you hear me???? I was watching the show thinking, DAMN!! If I saw her ass in the street I would have noooooooooo idea that she was NOT black!!! Hell I ain’t the only one because she was enrolled in this all-black poetry class and not NARRY a one of them black girls OR boys knew she was white until she told them. I’ll discuss that later……But anyway, because blacks as a whole are mixed with SO many other races, it is NOT uncommon to find a black woman or man with keen features. So , as a whole the White-to-Black transformation was mush more believable.

But let’s get to the meat of my beef with this shit. Why did black momma take the white momma out to buy some “afrocentric” clothes and this white woman (dressed as a black at the time mind you) goes towards the “Dashiki’s” and decides that THAT is what she wants to get to wear to CHURCH (black church ya’ll) and the black momma was going along with her like “well…..yeah, that looks nice……yeah, it’s nice….” , but when they got home and the two families were together the black momma (to be referred to as B.M. her on out) started talking about the white momma’s choice of garb. O.K., first of all, bitch (B.M.) you KNOW ain’t but a DAYUM few black folks wearing Dashiki’s anymore. You shouldn’t haven’t even gone along with that shit if it wasn’t sincere. So, I agree with the White Momma (W.M.) in that she was a bit irritated because the B.M. let her buy it knowing it wasn’t the thing to wear. But here’s the question: Why (W.M.) is it your belief that all black people wear Dashiki’s??? Are you really that in the dark about black people?? Do you now see black people on t.v. (if no where else) in anything BUT a fuckin Dashiki?????

O.K., so they go to church and the White Daddy (W.D.) is just having him self a HELLUVA BALL at it. He’s clapping and smiling and swaying and going on……he’s standing there looking like the fucking cat that ate the canary! Then he comes out his mouth and says “ It’s like a show that they are putting on…..this is fun….” Or something of the like:


**crickets**

WHAT THE FUCK????A SHOW? I was so appalled at his obvious disrespect of the black church and the goings on of a black church! Muthafucka you think that getting the holy ghost is a SHOW?? He is taking NO steps to understand black people. This is just a free pass in my opinion to walk up to another black and go "whus up my NIGGA!" and not get the shit slapped outta him. He shall take NOTHING from this experience.....I can see it. You think that the hymns that are sang are a SHOW? You think that any of this done in the name of the Lord is a SHOW???? I wanted to jump through the gat-damn t.v. a slap the hog-shit outta him!!! He disgusts me! Instead of appreciating the DIFFERENCES of the church that you go to and this black church and trying to UNDERSTAND it, you degrade it and dismiss with as much irreverence as if you’da spit in somebody’s face! He doesn’t want to LEARN anything from being made up to be black! This is just his chance to run the fuck around in black face and “play”. This is like a free pass into a previously restricted world. See the difference is, we (blacks ) already LIVE IN your world (white world that is) and so the only thing that I can see will be gained by the black folks made to be white, will be that they might become privy to more racist talk or actions than they would if they were walking around as a black person. We ALREADY see what it’s like to be white because it is flaunted in our face. Better opportunities, better wages, less discrimination based on external factors (i.e. if a black with a criminal record and a white with a criminal record of the SAME offense went to apply for a job, WHO do ya think would get the job?????yeah….that’s what I said….). And I think that the black family sees that they ain’t gon get much outta this experience too. The one person who I think will learn the most is the White Girl who is made up to be black (W.G.) She was so bothered that she was in “black face” and that the other people in her group didn’t know her “real deal”.

O.K., but why at the beginning of the the show, the W.M. called her self joking around and said “Hey ……BITCH” to the B.M.????????????????????????????

WHAT.
DA.
FUCK !!

See…that’s why I am NOT on that damn show. I’d snatched her ass outta her clothes so hard and fast and beat her like she stole something that it wouldn’t; EVEN be funny! The W.M. called herself “being socially acceptable”. THIS BITCH REEEEEEEALLY thought that with black women calling each other a bitch was a socially acceptable thing! Oh my God * SMDH * Are you kidding me?? But I guess the proliferation of blacks that call each other bitches and nigga’s in hip-hop and in movies have given white folk just the pass that they need in a situation like THIS to say some shit like that * SMMH* (shaking my mufuckin head).

OOOH……. I could go on but I’m tired of thinking about this stupid show (which I will continue to watch just because it’s addictive if for no other reason than to see what happens) But for those that did see it, what’d you think????

MEME Tuesday

Before I get to today's MEME...... thanks Zeddy! I wanted to tell you guys that I have begun to write my son letters. I meant to begin them long ago and now I have looked up and almost 2 years have flown by since he was born. I think I'm gonna try to write one a week or whenever I'm inspired. I really want him to be able to look back on these when he is grown (hopefully before)and appreciate them. I also feel that it will help him to know what his Mommy was like "back then" because I am sure 20 years from now I'll be different than I am now. I will share with him my feelings, my thoughts and my fears....or whatever else comes to mind. Though he probably WON'T appreciate these peeks into my world which when he initially reads them if he's young when he initially reads them, since it will be a time capsule, I am still writing them. I sooo wish I had something penned by my Mom (though she's still alive) or my grandparents written AT THE TIME that they were my age, when I was small, that detailed daily trials and tribulations or just what they ate for lunch and who they talked to.

I want him and his family to one day look back on these when I am long and gone and UNDERSTAND their Mom, grandma and great grandma so that I can live on and leave a small legacy for my family. I think this will be cool.....

Anyway..on to today's MEME.....



Accent – a cross between big city chic and suburban articulate ghetto (not really, but it sounded creative,no?)
Bra size – before or AFTER the breast reduction (shut up Zed ……)
Chore I hate – cleaning……bathrooms and kitchens (interesting that they are my favorite rooms of the house, yet I HAAAATE cleaning those mugs!!!!
Dad's name –(shocker here)….Robert
Essential make-up – eye brown pencil and concealer
Favorite perfume – got a couple actually….Bi (D&G), Bvlgari Blue (Bvlgari)
Gold or Silver? – a combo….white gold or silver
Hometown - Detroit, Michigan
Insomnia – not most times…only when I’m EXTREMELY pissed off
Job Title – Corporate Bullshit Problem Solver (aka. HR Manager)
Kids – yes, my beautiful 21 month old Dylan
Living Arrangement – lots of stuff and my family
Mom's Birthplace - Alabama
Number of Sexual Partners – I’ll never teeeell.
Overnight Hospital Stays – 3 (breast reduction surgery, when I contracted Mononucleosis, and when I had my son
Phobia(s) – Heights, death, bees
Quote – The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference -???
Religion – yes, I have it.
Siblings - 1 brother, 1 sister (I am the baby)
Two I'm tagging – hmm……I’ll pick….Chubby & Freaky Deaky
Unnatural hair colors I've worn – Uh….not many, reddish brown and brownish blondish-somethingish……..but uh, I’ve worn some unnatural hair….. LOL.
Vegetable I refuse to eat – Brussel Sprouts, beets
Worst habit - Cussing Nah…FUCK that…… yeah it’s cussing…. With Road Rage a close second
X-rays I've had – Foot, chest, teeth.
Yummy foods I make – hmm…. That would be much easier to answer if I liked to cook….LOL
Zodiac sign – Virgo baby!

Hey ya'll !

Hey ya’ll !! I know that I have been away for a couple weeks, but the lazy/can’t figure out what to post/too tired to post bug had gotten my ass! But I am back!

So, for all ya’ll that havec been wondering…….here’s a kinda-sorta update on the Wobbles si-chi-a-shun………

Something. There is just something that irks me about Wobbles. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’ve boiled it down to the fact that we just don’t have ANY, ZIP, ZERO chemistry. She reminds me of one of those girls who are stuck in the 80’s with the slightly boofy-poofy dirty blond (though hers is natural) hair. She’s simple in demeanor and not savvy in any sense of the word. She is a reallllly nice person, but boring. I can just tell!!! She wears clothing that looks like someone in Montana who works as a ranchhand would be wearing. She does NOTHING to her mid-back length hair. It is ALWAYS all over the place and she just flat out need some new glasses to detract from that She seems like she just floats through life singing “la lee la laa laa” (probably because 1. she’s a new employee and 2. just because she seems to be naïve and “dumb” to office politics and slow to pick up on attitudes, and personalities…..just plain non-observant I guess is a good way to describe it) . But I really think that it stems from her close knit (admittedly strict and sheltered) Mexican parents. She has said that she has a zillion cousins, and that she primarily stayed on her side of town and played with them. I mean, she didn’t even really know how to get to the building we work in! helloooooooooooooooooooo!!!! The building we work in is THEE most recognizable building in Detroit, and the tallest downtown! Come on dawg! It always amazes me when people are so sheltered that they have NO knowledge of VERY common landmarks in a city that they’ve lived in ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL their lives. Anywho, though she’s nice, I just don’t feel a chemistry with her. (which I KNOW my boss is happy about) But I can’t deal with people who are kinda “socially slow”. Now that may sound bad, but if you are one of those people who doesn’t get jokes, has been sheltered and can’t hang with a quick witted person…..chances are, me and you will not be tight. Call it wrong, but that’s just me.

Anyway, on to the post that I have been promising “T” and “Roni”. Roni, you know who you are!! HA HA!!!!

Anyway, Roni invited me to an event that is held every month at a different one of her girlfriends homes every month. Well, this month was at LiLi’s house. LiLi has a bea-u-timous home and since it was Roni’s birthday, I had to oblige, plus I don’t get a chance to get out the dang house without the little one that often and just hang with the girls, so I jumped at the chance! Well, lemme start off by saying LiLi, YO ASS KNOW YOU LIVE FAR AS hell lives from the north pole, right?????

Nevertheless, once I got there it was all good. Everyone brought food (well… I brought somoe dinner rolls, which my ass PROMTPLY forgot about and left in the car in my haste to have a ball!) and the food was delicious! There was pasta salad, wings(honey barbeque and regular), fruit, some type of chicken bake, and cake and of COURSE there were some DRANKS !!!

Now, Roni had said to me “ Pleeze come hang out if you don’t mind hanging around a bunch of 26 year olds”

***SLAP***

Can I just tell ya’ll that though that statement was so innocuous coming out of Roni’s mouth, it hit me like Bobby And Whitney hit the pipe! GATDAMN, I AM NEARLY TEN years older than ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL THESE folks!

(thinking to self ) “ oooh lawd…..lemme sit down that thought made me weezy……naw freak that, I am as young and vibrant as I was when I WAS 26, probably even more so!!! Hhmmph!” So once I got to the gig it was all about the fun ya’ll, and can I just tell you that this group of ladies is HIL-FUCKING-LARIOUS!!!

Some of the stories that were told that night just cracked me the HELL up! I shall definitely be hanging with them again! They are awesome.

I have decided that I am not going to tell the “greatest story ever told” which is a story from “T”s father….I just simplyty can’t do it justice! The story is about how Jewish people indoctrinate their newborns into the evil of the world….. trust me….it’s hilarious!

So….. I am going to make her a blog so she can tell this story!

Interesting but meaningless tidbits:

Why is it that the muthafucka that I work with who is a representative of the HR dept. sooooooooooooooooo intolerant of gay people. I have heard him on SEVERAL occasions making snide –assed comments regarding gays. I am absolutely appauled by him. He was over in his cube (which is DIRECTLY next to mine) making a shitty comment about the movie “Brokeback Mountain”. As he’s talking to someone in the office, he goes “Yeah….good ole Brokeback Mountain……now THERE’s a real American movie! Yeah, THAT shoulda really won some awards” . Now you may say that that is not that bad, but he has said other things such as “I can’t stand the whole gay movement…..it’s disgusting……. “. I know that if I were to say something to him, he and I would be in a HEATED argument over this and I swear it would make me really wanna slap the holy-horse-shit outta his ass. So, I just let him go on his IGNORANT ass diatribe and basically plug my ears.

Can I tell ya’ll just how much I need a vacation??? I wake up EVERYDAY with a lackluster feeling about going to work. Maybe I just need to have a “summer vacation” break like when I was a child. I really need a vacation or a get-away. Though it’s hard for me to figure out how I can do this AND make some money! And can ANYONE tell me why the asshole (the one I spoke of directly above) paces the fucking floor alllllllllll day! He walks past my desk to get to the rest of the office and EVERYTIME he passes he looks at my computer. So, alllllllllllll day long I have to keep switching my screen to a “word documnent” or my fuckin’ e-mail cause HIS dry-crusty-ass is alllllllllllways looking to see what he can see! I can’t STAND his stankin white ass! I bet if I were white, his ass wouldn’t be all over my computer! That’s why I swear, I have my computer’s “font size” on the “very small” size! But the thing is, even though it’s small, you can still tell I’m “surfing” if you even glance at my screen cause no work I do is as colorful as blog pages! LOL *serious look** fuck him.

Well, I am writing this between working, so I had betta go and get back to doing the dang thang!

So in the meantime, ya’ll be good

She's our queeeeeen toooo-ooh beeeee!

O.K., well maybe not our queen, but she DAMN sho is here.

Our new worker bee that is. I miss my girl. Yeah, my gril that got fired. But life goes on and so do I.

Well, I am sure that you are wondering how Wobbles is doing and how I am doing in terms of having someone new at the job. Well….Wobbles is doing well though she seems to catch on a wee bit slowly. But that’s not a bad thing altogether because there is something to be said for slow deliberate steps….it’ll just take you twice as long to get there though. I do wish that she picked up on things just a little faster though.

Oh!!! And as far as the pregnancy goes……..ya’ll…..ya’ll….. YA’LL will never guess how far along this bitch is….she “looks” to be at LEAST 4-5 months! And I SWEAR she did a BANG UP job of hiding that shit before! She must’ve been sucking in that gut AND baby and wearing shit that doesn’t show pregnancy! Cause I looked at that how and her stomach is as round as it wants to be!! She knew she was pregnant!!! Though she said that she didn’t because she was having periods…..mmmm hmmmm…..whateva…… I ain’t believing it! LOL

But why ya’ll did Wobbles come up in HERE today with a skirt set on, NO PANTYHOSE (o.k., we’re in Michigan in the DEAD of winter.)

**crickets**

Why in the FUCK don’t you have no dayum pantyhose on????? And then to top it off, she is very light/pale to begin with so PLEASE imagine what dem legs look like in the dead of winter with NO pantyhose on!!! Yeah….. exactly…. Dats’s my thought tooo….

PASTRY (as in flour) WHITE! And the legs had the NERVE to be ASHY all around the ankles and shit!!!! Good lawd, Calgon take me away…. I have often though about starting a school where I can do interventions on folks like this that don’t have the common sense of fashion sense, for that matter, that God gave a goat!!!!!

But all in all she’s cool. But ya’ll know what my HARDEST task is???? Hiding the sheer and UTTER DISGUST I have for my boss! I want to take the opportunity to dog her out soooooooooooooooooooo bad, but I can’t. You know how you can’t trust “new folks” and often times old folks too? Well…..I don’t trust her and besides I feel that it will hit home much sooner and swifter if she experiences the bitch-slap herself. Which brings me to my next point. I had thought about this and I am convinced since Boss-hoe will inevitable show her shit stained tracks in the snow…...all I have to do is sit back and wait….. I needn’t say a word….. I also came to the conclusion that it’s really for the best that Sista Girl didn’t get the job. I mean, she’s a new mother …..why would I want ANYONE to go through what I went through when I was a new mother. And I feel sorry for Wobbles because I hope that our shitty boss isn’t mean to her since she’s pregnant. But I swear people.....I soooo wanna blast the Boss-hoe to the new chick, but time will reveal . I can’t stand my boss sooooooooooooooo bad! To the point where I don’t even want her within 10 feet of me! And you know how you just can’t STAND people to breathe up on you at ALL when you can’t stand them??? Well, that’s the way I feel about Boss-hoe….. her essence makes my ass itch……

Cortaid take me away…….
Lata.