What it do folks?!

Since I returned from vacay, I have become a grand master at nothing. Meaning, I have NOT wanted, tried to or engaged in ANYTHING meaningful at this job. My disdain is as thick as the pollen around this time of year, cept……my disdain is here to stay. I have been avoiding doing work, blog-surfing, writing out bills, looking for father’s day gifts on the web, planning my kid’s b-day party and web-surfing in general since I came back. I have a fear of getting fired, but I do not. A very conscious part of my subconscious almost feels that if I DO get fired that it will be a sigh of relief and a monkee off my back (guess I’m being passive-aggressive in it’s purest form, huh?) I could quit but I have gotten in this rut of Perks vs. looking-for-a-new-job-is-a-pain-in-the-ass-and-i-might-not-be-in-any-better-situation-in-the-end type of fear situation. But yeet and still, I know I need to go.

Aside from that, I want to still have the perks of “working women” (i.e. getting hair, nails done; have my own money; not having to worry about every penny I spend) and with one income and a nice sized mortgage…..the two don’t go hand it hand. Ya know, I COULD really use a REAL break from work. I would LOVE to take like a year off and just chill. Yup. Sit on my big ass, raise my son and CHILL. Not deal with white folks and their “special” contrivances. I’d love to, but I just can’t give up the dough……. ***big ole sigh***

I get no value from this job (cept monetary), have no ambition to do anything here because it has been sucked outta me and a WHOLE lotta people at this company (for real…..I know of at least 5 people who are looking to leave ) and one (a black woman) who turned in her resignation and isn’t quitting until Aug. 10, but HAS NO JOB TO GO TO!!!! She quit a job with a GREAT salary, plays almost ALL of the corporate games, and she quit a seemingly “good job” in a state with the 2nd highest unemployment rate in the country! Get the picture? She quit because she is fed up! And she IS a goody-goody, do everything she can type. See….. I ain’t that African. I will be arbitrary JUST BECAUSE you want me to be a certain way (even if I somewhat don’t have a problem with the issue in question). I swear the older I get , the more I can see the reason that old people take NO SHIT. I’m almost at that point and I am only 35!



But anywho…… her stank ass boss (who I SWEAR is getting to be more and more like my boss cause she listens to her too much) just pissed her off! I stopped trying to learn anything new EONS ago, because everytime I would ask, my boss would have SOME reason (as if I were an LD, short-bus riding kid) justifying why she didn't want to teach me that "right now". So, I am and have been in a general malaise-ish (yup,I made that up) mood when I am here. Yeah I got work to do, but I do it when I HAVE to.

I must get outta here. For real. I have said it before, but this time for real, I gotta go. This company is contracted to another bigger company and because it is contract renewal time, the bigger co. is SQUEEZING the blood outta this co. and they are talking about making SO MANY CUTS, that it’s not EVEN funny! I feel that it’s just a matter of time before it’s me. Why you say? Because my boss recently told me that I am going to take on some of FATBALL's work because he got additional responsibilities and because(and I quote) "The president feels that you need to be more involved in more HR functions……and if there was any job I was worried about with this whole contract negotiation, it was yours."

WTF??????

That bitch had hinted around before but had never said THOSE words. I tend to be thick when it comes to shit like that because if I don’t, I will worry (I am a worrier) TOO much. My theory: Deal with it when it comes.

So, I know that I have just become complacent and spoiled in terms of having a leisurely work-pace, and as a result of my boss being a horrible boss combined with the perks of this job…. Those things keep me here. That and the fact that I can AFFORD to slough off on work for a week, surf the net and STILL get the majority of my work done, is appealing to me. Hell, I DO NOT want to work like a dog. Some of YA’LL might, but I don’t. Some do and are driven and ENJOY the “challenge.......I do not. I have never been a competitive person. I just want to do a job and go home. I HAVE a life outside of these walls, she does not. I have a child, she does not. And I have other friends. She does not. So, you can seee how her expectations and my reality clash. Now, I used to want to excel and learn but this job has stagnated that desire. Coporate Industry Rule Number 4,080…..all these muthafuckas are shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady. (name that sample Hip Hop heads….not you Zed, I know YOU know!)

But I was not always like this. Coming outta college, I wanted to excel, make a name for myself and have a title. I “happened upon HR (since it is NOT what I went to college for, as a matter of fact, I never had ONE HR or business course in college). And here I am doing it because I know how to talk to people. I am good at it and you can get a lot farther with a coke and a smile than being a bitch (well……sometimes being a bitch DOES get you farther, but you will be alone, and have no allies , for everyone is talking about you behind your back. Nor does being a “bitch” instill feelings likely to incite people to work harder FOR you). This makes me wonder if HR is for me. I am good at it because of the people aspect, but I HATE laws. I am really and TRULY a person that BELIEVES in bending a rule here, slashing it there…… I hate goody-goody people and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not the “employee role model”. What I do should NOT be determined on how "others" will see me .... I hate that whole expectation that I have to be so "beyond reproach". Hey..... I am NOT perfect, I am human..... yet I am expected to makw NO MISTAKES. FUCK THAT. I don't believe in that theory, which is why I have this dichotomy going and have problems navigating my way through this job as an HR person. I have a life and THIS job is not it, therefore you won’t see me staying late unless I absoulutely need to get work done or if is mandated(which just happened recently for our whole group because of a software changeover) and THEN I WILL have an attitude---- I will try to cover it up, but it will be there.

This is why I question daily if HR is for me. I could go to another job and maybe have a better boss but….**shudder** I may not. You see, though leaving one job and going to another and that new job being WORSE or just as bad doesn’t usually happen to people , it FO SHO happened to me (Zed, please back me on this since my pervious boss was one of your frat and YOU even know the horrors and jackass behavior he exhibited). My former boss and this boss (working for them has been around 7 of the worst work- years of my life collectively) are assholes and TERRIBLE bosses. I know, I know, I sound suspect because usually if a problem persists, the common denominator is the root cause. Trust me (Zed, please testify), I am a VERY objective person and can TELL you my faults and in THIS case, it ain’t me. It’s REALLY them assholes.

But just like opinions…I guess everyone’s got em in their lives.....somewhere..... assholes that is….. and everyone's gotta deal with them at some point.