finality/bringing sexy back

Well, in my last post I said that there were a lot of things going on and there have been. In short, I was laid off, fired, let go…..all it boils down to is I no longer have a job or source of income. Why? Well, the company that I worked for has been cutting it’s own asshole to save money since July when the contract with GM was renewed. And my job (no one else's mind you) was eliminated.

Prior to the contract being renewed I was told by my stankin ass boss “I would advise you to get your resume together over the shutdown because NONE of us could be employed if we don’t get the contract….I know that I am getting MY resume together”. Now those of you reading this who have been reading for awhile may be like “COOL! You haaaaaaaaaated that place and that woman ANYWAY! Now you can move on to something better”. While that may be true, I did NOT want to be FORCED to move and have NO WARNING that I was going to be without INCOME. You see, that was all that job was to me ANYWAY: Income. It wasn’t a “career” because the bitch I reported to held you back and DIDN’T want to teach you anything. It wasn’t a source of pride, she saw to that, but what is WAS , was a way for my family to live comfortably in the style in which I AM accustomed because it did pay well and have GREAT perks. Now, I am scrambling and uneasy about where’s my next money coming from. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, but the last time I was given the courtesy of being told 2 ½ months in advance, that my job was going to be eliminated. That bitch could have done the same, because I talked to one of my girls that works in another division and she said that when it all came out, that this was “planned for a MINUTE”. Hmmph…. Why should I be surprised. That is what that company does best….FUCK people in the ass. I was there for 5 years and got a paltry 7 weeks severance. Now, some of you will say “stop fucking complaining, you coulda got NATHAN, NADA….”. And to you all, I say true, but I have seen muuuch better……

Anyway………

And unfortunately, me & my husband do not have the “3-6 months of income” that financial advisers tell you to have in “case” something like this happens {and PLEASE don’t; give me a lecture on THAT…don’t need it} So…. I am REALLY pressed to get a job because I do NOT want my lifestyle to change from what it is now. What do I mean by that? My husband DOES make enough to support us, and with a few changes (him claiming more exemptions, cutting down on what he puts into his 401(k), not spending unnecessarily, and taking our child out of daycare) we would survive. So, it’s NOT like I will be homeless. But that is also NOT how I live: not able to spend ANYTHING, asking for an “allowance” , or being a stay at home mom (nothing against ANYONE who does it because I think that it is faaaaaaaar harder to stay at HOME ALL.DAY.EVERY.DAY.AND.WEEKENDS.AND.BE.WITH.CHILDREN.24/7. 365 than me going to work everyday and I know my limitations. I love my child, but I would be a WORSE mother if I was forced to stay home everyday with him….. sorry….I just would). So I am pressed. I know that I WILL find another job, but when is the question. In case ya’ll DIDN’T know, Michigan has the 2nd HIGHEST unemployment rate in the country and since proposal 2 passed and they are CUTTING more jobs (no pun intended) everyday!! So, who KNOWWWWWS “when” I will get another job! I am still very upset by this and by the fact that that bitch I worked for for allthese years didn’t have the commom decency to let me know, send a smoke signal, SOMETHING to let me know (when I KNOW she knew) that this shit was coming!!

I also want to make the right decision in terms of a job because I have now had two unpleasant job situations/bosses (this one and the one IMMEDIATELY before) and those who don’t know me might say “maybe YOU were the problem if you had TWO bosses who gave you problems”. Well, boys and girls, those that know me KNOW that that was simply NOT the case. I have worked for two bastards in a row, spanning a total of 7 miserable years of my approximately 10 total years IN HR !!! So, I am verrrry hesitant to jump into a job that doesn’t feel right. I intend to “interview them” more than I have previously. The good thing is that me & my brother & sister are about to sell my grandmother’s ( who passed) house and the proceeds will give me some cushion along with unemployment.

I am just now starting to get myself back up and feeling even 1/2way alright since it happened last Thursday. Since then I have been pretty depressed and not feeling good at all. I still have my moments.

I do however know that the silver lining in this whole thing is the fact that I DO.NO.HAVE to be bothered with that BITCH .EVER.AGAIN. But back to the actual termination. Check how they did me: My boss had me meet her at one of the companies satellite offices to tell me. What? Did she think that I was going to be an angry black bitch and take her fucking HEAD off in the office?????? **laughing**Yes, she shoulda, cuz she knew that she and I did NOT have the friendliest relationship when it came to ill shit that she has done to me and THIS would fall in that category, no? We both were fake and I guess she should have been worried. She knew that I didn’t like her. From the beginning I should have peeped her fakeness for what it was, but it wasn’t until she showed her true colors after I was hired that I began to see. And she and I have gotten “INTO.IT” on more than one occasion. Working for her these past 5 years has been HELL, emotionally. I have walked out of her office on several occasions, we have gotten into straight yelling matches (the most recent one a couple of months ago, in which she says, among other shit, “Robyn I have had it up to here (motioning with her hand above her head)” and I said “Well you know WHAT ____ I have had it up to here (said with a stank ass look on my face) TOO !”. And I have had to literally walk away more times than I can count to clear my head” because if I didn’t, I feared I would seriously end up in jail for what I wanted to do to that woman.

But what’s really fucked up to me is that I wasn’t let go for performance, attendance, insubordination, yet I didn’t even get a chance to clean out my OWN DESK!!!! Fucked up huh? Well, it would have been MORE fucked up if I hadn’t been up on her shitty assed plan the two days before. How did I know? The week before she had told me to “plan to meet her” at our satellite office and I was like yeah, yeah..o.k…. not really paying attention to her because she babbles so much, just making my mental note and moving on. Well… a couple days before she mentioned it again, which then made me ask “by the way , WHAT are we going there for???”. She replies “ I can’t say”.
DING! DING! DING! RING THE ALARM

What the fuck?? I immediately got MORE paranoid than I already was. That didn’t sound right but me being a natural “worrier” I tried to calm my mind and TRIED not to make too much out of it, but still started thinking “what if I am being fired….”.

So, fast forward to Halloween Day. Well, I went to use my Corporate American Express card and it was declined, so I call them up and they inform me “a request was made from your company to cancel this card”. I just bust out crying right then and there in the parking lot of my son’s school because it hit me that these dirty muthafucka’s were going to terminate me. I couldn’t even get it together. My husband was on his way home anyway and he had to come and meet me there and go in and get my son because I was so fucked up. So, the next day (which was the day before I was let go), I cleaned out every file, copied shit to disk that I wanted, took shit that was mine, forwarded myself e-mails that I wanted to keep, and generally made sure I had what “I needed” from my desk. So, fuck her stankin ass, because the only thing left to pack were pictures, mugs, and miscellaneous food. But that was really fucked up. We’ve worked together for FIVE years. You know that I have a husband and a child, it’s RIGHT before the holidays and OBVIOUSLY this shit was WWAAAAAAAAY planned in advance and you couldn’t have given me a “hint” that this shit was COMING?????? Ask her and she will give you the bullshit goody-goody answer I am sure of “ well, Robyn I was sworn to secrecy by MY superiors…..blah-fucking-blah”. Whatever. If you really GAVE a shit about me (like you allllllllllways FAKE LIKE YOU DO) allllllllllllllllllll these years…. You coulda HINTED something like “you know….. our HR jobs are NOT secure, so make sure you are prepared for anything…..” or something of the like. If I gave a shit about a person, I would do that for someone. You know, tell them without TELLING THEM !

I am also scared about trying to get a new job. Since I have not been “on an interview” in 5 years, I am terrified. I hate interviews because I get soooo nervous when I am put on the spot, feel like I am sounding stupid and lose all train of thought usually. And to be honest, it’s been longer than that since I went on a real interview. When I interviewed for this job I was ready and I focused on doing the BEST I could in that interview and it was a cake walk. My soon to be boss talked MORE THAN I DID in the fucking interview! I was sooo relieved! But I know that that is not how MOST interviews are……. But I will survive. I have to.

So on the day I got fired, I had a hair appt. and decided to bring my “sexy back”…… see below…..










I had been talking about cutting my hair for at LEAST a year, and always got scared. This was just the impetus that I needed to get me to do it and you know what. Like this job, I do not miss the hair ONE.BIT. Everything happens for reason right? Wish me luck on this new journey into the next part of my life.

So whaddaya think of the new look? Cute, no? (ya’ll betta say YES…ya’ll know I am fragile right now….LOL)