What it do folks?! Well, my baby started a new daycare today. I know this is UBER exciting to most’a ya’ll, but I am excited! Why you ask? Because the other daycare was comfortable for him, maybe a little too comfortable and he needed a change. He had been at the old daycare since he was 10 weeks old. He was the FAVORITE of the caregiver who monitors the “baby” room. Then when she became the leader of the 3-4 yr. old room , the person who switched places with her, I SWEAR she acted like she was a part of my family and shit (i.e. she exoected to be kept abreast of his portrait sittings for any occasion, birthday plans,etc.). That shit alone got on my nerves. And I didn’;t wanna be a bitch because after all MY CHILD was in her care for 10 hours a damn day! And she loved him, so I didn’t want that to change, because I was certain that he was being cared for. So, why did I decide to make the change, right?
He has learned a lot of good things. Such as, he knows his abc’s, the pledge of allegiance, many, many songs, can count to 30, and is more cognitively and verbally advanced of A LOT of the 2 year olds that I have seen. Now, it’s not just ME saying this (cause you know most momma’s are proud of their spawn), but I get comments from people I know AND STRANGERS in the street (cause he say’s “HI!!!” and talks to EVERYONE) on how he “speaks so well”. Now, that is said not in the white folks “he speaks so well” way, it ie meant in the “to be so young he speaks so well” way. I am always (don’t ask me why) surprised when people say this to me, because since he is my first, it’s just him being him. And I take it for granted since I do not have other kids around me to gauge him by. But I guess it’s true. ***beaming***
While he has learned some good things, he has also learned some bad ass habits from the damn caregivers, who are a bit ghetto and act a wee-bit childish at times themselves. The woman who took over the babies room (we’ll call her Popeye, because she looks as if her one eye is always slightly swollen and fucked up) decided that my baby was her FAAAAAVORITE. Now, the director of the daycare isn’t ghetto and is very nice. But the staff is composed of two young (and ghetto) girls,Popeye and Baby Machine (so named cause she got at LEAST 4 kids …..and apparently does not understand that if you make $7.00…… having MORE kids might not be a good look) and Beatrice, a grandmotherly type of woman, and during summers Sweet Thang, a young, quiet, college student who just has a real sweetness about her .
Now, the reason I liked this place is #1 my friend referred me to it and her two boys had learned at the center and the caregivers really do love the kids. The caregivers are also long time employees ( you know a lot of daycare centers have folks that bop in and out of working there) so tha went a long way with me as far as consistency of staff. But, I have noticed some irritating things that they do and my child has brought some of them bad-ass habits home, only to get the boon-doon placed on his ass. Example, recently, he came home and I was talking to him and when he was whacking this balloon rather hard, said "Stop hitting that balloon like that", he instantly replied to me "YOU stop hitting that balloon like that".
WTF? BACKTALK???? FROM A FRIGGIN 2 YEAR OLD???????? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH NO. period dot.
I do not play that shit. So, the boon doon got layed on that ass. See….. I know that he "learned" that shit from daycare because hell, me nor his daddy taught him that crap!!! And in my opinion if you do NOT stop bad habits from seeding , taking root and sprouting into mighty oaks that are hard to chop down, it will be that much harder later. I like to work smart, not hard WHENEVER possible.
So, he also began this funky ass habit a bout 4-5 months ago of doing that spit/zerbert/raspberry noise with his mouth occasionally. Like I would tell him to do something or just on g.p. he would go “plllltttttttt” with his mouth. I tell him to stop and he does it again. Now, I know that sometimes kids get behavior from OTHER kids, but I don’t like it, and I do not tolerate it. So, when he does it (since he is NATURALLY stubborn and hardheaded…..yes, I can tell even at 2 years old……..) he won’t stop until I either pop him or grab him and squeeze an extremity. Now, ya’l might think that I am being hard on him, but he needs to learn lessons. There are consequences for actions. So, one day I go to the daycare and see Baby Machine “playing with him” and doing that “ppplllllt” noise with HER mouth like she was a damn 4-year old, almost in a “nah nah, nah nah nah” playful way. So, THAT’S where the dumb ass behavior comes from??? Oh, no. You need to leave.
Now, there are a couple of things that makes me think that the new place will be a little more “structured” and hopefully a little less childish. One, it is an offshoot of a church (the daycare is actually attached and conjoined with the church (separate entrance though), the caregivers are also more educated, better spoken and seemingly more mature. The environment is also in a “class-like” setting, with the ages groups neatly divided into 4 rooms. The environment is also more updated than the other center. This center has computers, newer (more ergonomically safe….at least I think so) toys and jungle jim type of toys. So, all in all I feel good about the switch.
So, we get there this morning (me & my husband went) and this boy was OFF.DA.CHAIN. from the git. I am attributing this to his “excitement” since we had been telling him that he was going to a new school today. Today is the “test” day , where he gets to come to the new center for free for a day to make sure he will acclimate o.k. So, we are getting ready to leave and he (being the child of my husband that he is ) is NOT.THINKING.ABOUT.MOMMY.OR.DADDY. He’s running, playing, jumping, grabbing the ball out of the corner……. All while the OTHER kids (though most were older that were there at that time) were sitting NICE.AND.CALMLY eating their breakfast. I was like “oh shit, they are gonna think does this child have NO home training?????” Lemme splain…….. Because the old center was in a small –ass house that was converted to a daycare, there wasn’t much room to run, and since he had been there since 10 weeks, he literally was let go from room to room and since both of the main teachers loved him, they accommodated his roaming and him having his freedom. I don’t think this place will be as accommodating with him wanting to do what he wants to do, how and when he wants to do it. But that is a GOOD THING!!! Don’t get me wrong. I KNOW them people let him get away with murder, cause he’s cute and smart. But in my mind cute and smart don’t mean shit. You have to have some self control. ( I know, I know….he JUST turned 2………) But see…this goes back to those bad ass habits that he has developed , coupled with his short attention span and now I can feel it in my BONES that he is going to have some resistance to being made to be a bit more confined. So, as we are getting ready to leave we say goodbye and he is barely even paying us any attention, because he is wild-monkey all over the room, so we scoot on out.
I am the one who picks him up in the evening, so we will see what they say he tore the hell up when I get there.
Will keep ya’ll posted on what happens…….
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
This is why white folks get on my nerves.
On Friday, as I was coming into our facility and getting off the bus, this guy trips coming off the bus. Well, here’s the extended scenario. Because the people who work in this building have to park about 2 ½ blocks away, there is a shuttle for us to ride to the building. It’s one of those short “airport/commuter” type of buses.
So, I’m about to get off the bus and directly in front of me is this guy, who, on the last step, catches his foot on an indentation in the step, twists his ankle, he grabs onto the handle, and while trying to get his footing almost falls all together. He didn't quite fall on his knees, but his foot twisted pretty badly. I instinctively (as he reached for the railing) extended my arm under his arm and helped to steady him with my arm which was already on the railing to help him get his balance. Because it was really almost like he tripped 3 times in the span of 3 seconds. He gets off, all pissed off, and I’m assuming, mostly embarrassed. He tells the bus driver (a black guy), while his eyebrows are knotted together something horrible, that "someone really should see about this……". So since me, him and maybe 3 other people were the last ones to get off the bus, everyone was asking him if he was alright.
So, he limps HEAVILY and says (tersely and irritatedly, almost as if to say "what a dumb-ass fucking question") to another passenger “NO, I am NOT alright”. I mean, he was limping SO BAD that he looked like he might need a wheelchair. We’re talking about a mid-40’s looking clean-cut, normal weight individual. Now the step did INDEED feel like the bottom could bust through at any moment and I too, have wondered about it on different occasions, cuz the bus has beenin circulation FOREVER, but never made an issue of it with anyone.
So, he starts to hobble and I (trying to be helpful) say "you should really report the issue with that step, to the front console people inside, because you are right, someone COULD really get hurt" (there is a console that you have to pass by upon entering the building). Now, we are walking and he’s not saying shit, but he’s looking like a mix between injured and pissed off to HIGH HELL! So, as we walk towards the console, some 150 feet away from where the incident occurred, he says to me (still in a bordering on rude mixed with injured tone…like it was my job or something to be standing there with his temporarily-crippled ass) “Wh- where, um...... do I go....up here?” as he points to the console.
I say, “yes…… they should be able to get word to people at the bus dispatch to check that bus…”. Now, I am just thinking to myself, yo assCOULD act like you are a little more grateful that someone is trying to help yo crippled, hobbling ass! Cause I was getting a little irritated at his #1, lack of conversation or even general commentary like: “yeah I know,…..that bus is dangerous” or “I really messed my foot up” or any other responses that are customary when someone (me) is talking to you. Instead he just kept walking to the console like I was SUPPOSED to be there or like he gave a shit less that I WAS trying to help his funky ass cuz all his other white-assed counterparts had long trotted on to their destinations. Jackass.
So, I am walking and as we get to the console, he is acting like he doesn’t know what the fuck to say and is just standing there for like 3 or so seconds, so I blurt out "This gentleman was on the bus that just pulled off and he twisted his foot, due to a deep indentation on the bottom of the bus….. maybe you guys could let the bus co. know or could call security at the parking garage to let them know …etc". This jackass is not saying a word. So, then an EMT (all security personnel in this building are EMT certified) starts asking him questions while another officer was commenting to me that he might have to go to medical and that 4 months ago, she thinks that it was that bus that a lady broke her foot on….blah,blah, blah…..
I think that it is funny that I was the ONLY one helping him and he SO did not acknowledge my concern. Well, actually I DO NOT think it was funny. I think it's par for the fucking course with white people in Michigan (especially). No one speaks, no one acknowledges each other. It's sad really. When I went to Atlanta (and maybe it's southern thing), but EVERYONE was speaking. At the bank. At the grocery store. In passing. People going down the street waving from their cars (and I'm SURE they had NO idea who I was. People were just friendlier.) So,maybe he was REALLY that hurt. Yeah fucking RIGHT…. His ass was WALKING (albeit with gingerly steps) but walking nonetheless…….
Well, in all the commotion, while I was talking to the other security woman, and the nother EMT was telling him where to go to medical, this jackass just walks away……
No thank you
No, fuck you very much
No NOTHING.
And I was the ONLY one sitting there TRYING to assist him. All of his OTHER fellow white people had long since left his ass like “oh well….his ass is walking so, he straight”
See…..this is what REALLY makes my disdain for white folks that much worse.
Really.
So, I’m about to get off the bus and directly in front of me is this guy, who, on the last step, catches his foot on an indentation in the step, twists his ankle, he grabs onto the handle, and while trying to get his footing almost falls all together. He didn't quite fall on his knees, but his foot twisted pretty badly. I instinctively (as he reached for the railing) extended my arm under his arm and helped to steady him with my arm which was already on the railing to help him get his balance. Because it was really almost like he tripped 3 times in the span of 3 seconds. He gets off, all pissed off, and I’m assuming, mostly embarrassed. He tells the bus driver (a black guy), while his eyebrows are knotted together something horrible, that "someone really should see about this……". So since me, him and maybe 3 other people were the last ones to get off the bus, everyone was asking him if he was alright.
So, he limps HEAVILY and says (tersely and irritatedly, almost as if to say "what a dumb-ass fucking question") to another passenger “NO, I am NOT alright”. I mean, he was limping SO BAD that he looked like he might need a wheelchair. We’re talking about a mid-40’s looking clean-cut, normal weight individual. Now the step did INDEED feel like the bottom could bust through at any moment and I too, have wondered about it on different occasions, cuz the bus has beenin circulation FOREVER, but never made an issue of it with anyone.
So, he starts to hobble and I (trying to be helpful) say "you should really report the issue with that step, to the front console people inside, because you are right, someone COULD really get hurt" (there is a console that you have to pass by upon entering the building). Now, we are walking and he’s not saying shit, but he’s looking like a mix between injured and pissed off to HIGH HELL! So, as we walk towards the console, some 150 feet away from where the incident occurred, he says to me (still in a bordering on rude mixed with injured tone…like it was my job or something to be standing there with his temporarily-crippled ass) “Wh- where, um...... do I go....up here?” as he points to the console.
I say, “yes…… they should be able to get word to people at the bus dispatch to check that bus…”. Now, I am just thinking to myself, yo assCOULD act like you are a little more grateful that someone is trying to help yo crippled, hobbling ass! Cause I was getting a little irritated at his #1, lack of conversation or even general commentary like: “yeah I know,…..that bus is dangerous” or “I really messed my foot up” or any other responses that are customary when someone (me) is talking to you. Instead he just kept walking to the console like I was SUPPOSED to be there or like he gave a shit less that I WAS trying to help his funky ass cuz all his other white-assed counterparts had long trotted on to their destinations. Jackass.
So, I am walking and as we get to the console, he is acting like he doesn’t know what the fuck to say and is just standing there for like 3 or so seconds, so I blurt out "This gentleman was on the bus that just pulled off and he twisted his foot, due to a deep indentation on the bottom of the bus….. maybe you guys could let the bus co. know or could call security at the parking garage to let them know …etc". This jackass is not saying a word. So, then an EMT (all security personnel in this building are EMT certified) starts asking him questions while another officer was commenting to me that he might have to go to medical and that 4 months ago, she thinks that it was that bus that a lady broke her foot on….blah,blah, blah…..
I think that it is funny that I was the ONLY one helping him and he SO did not acknowledge my concern. Well, actually I DO NOT think it was funny. I think it's par for the fucking course with white people in Michigan (especially). No one speaks, no one acknowledges each other. It's sad really. When I went to Atlanta (and maybe it's southern thing), but EVERYONE was speaking. At the bank. At the grocery store. In passing. People going down the street waving from their cars (and I'm SURE they had NO idea who I was. People were just friendlier.) So,maybe he was REALLY that hurt. Yeah fucking RIGHT…. His ass was WALKING (albeit with gingerly steps) but walking nonetheless…….
Well, in all the commotion, while I was talking to the other security woman, and the nother EMT was telling him where to go to medical, this jackass just walks away……
No thank you
No, fuck you very much
No NOTHING.
And I was the ONLY one sitting there TRYING to assist him. All of his OTHER fellow white people had long since left his ass like “oh well….his ass is walking so, he straight”
See…..this is what REALLY makes my disdain for white folks that much worse.
Really.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Parental Influences
I often wonder what kind of boy Dylan will be. Will he be more like me (kinda shy sometimes, discriminating) or like his father ( verrry competitive, sports loving, very outspoken, center-of-attention type). I look at his 2 year old self and can already see some maverick-type attitude in him. I think he’ll be more like his dad. Hmmmmmmm…..Or is that just a 2 year old asserting their newly found voice? I wonder if he’ll listen to the stories that I will tell him and the lessons that I have learned. If he is ANYYYYYYTHING like me, he won’t. I just hope that he will not get hurt in the process….after all, as the saying goes, “a hard head makes for a soft ass” (well…..that’s my rendition of it ..hee hee.)
I don’t think that I appreciated the tools that my mother gave me to succeed and navigate through this world until I was in college. My mother likes to tell the story allll the time of how when I was young (4 or 5ish) that I saw some little kid doing something they shouldn’t have been and just acting bad in general. I turned to her and said “oooooh, Mommy…..they better be glad that they are not YOUR child…” LOL But I knew how to act….. that comment showed that some “training” had been imparted to me…. At a young age.
I was not a bad child by any stretch of the imagination, partially because my mother did not ALLOW me to “stretch” too far from her watchful eye and ANY time. I always said that she was overly protective and I STILL think that she was, in MOST respects. Even though I now see MOST of her lessons, I still do not see WHY she had to be sooo hard on me sometimes. I was not a person who snuck out the house, who had guys over, who snuck out to see guys, who wore inappropriate clothing or who thought they could say any ole thing to their mother…..hellll naw…… I ain’t crazy! LOL My mother was the most civilized person, but she could strike fear into me in 2 seconds flat.
Me and a girlfriend of mine were talking the other day about upbringing’s and what not and she ( who reads my blog) told me her parents pretty much let her do and go where she wanted to (she and her younger brother and her older sister). She had no bedtime, no curfew, and could spend the night at her friends house all week if she so chose. I couldn’t imagine! Now you would think that her parents were the unloving, cold type, but touché….. just the opposite. Her Mom is thee SWEETEST person on the planet! Now, her Dad is a little stern, but her mother…….you couldn’t ask for a sweeter person! I told her that if I wasn’t back at THEE precise time, Peggy Ann was looking for my black ass. I couldn’t imagine being able to go and do as I pleased. I told her that your parents were SOOOOOO lucky that you all were mild mannered (she has 2 siblings) and that ya’ll were running around allll buck loosy, all around the town! LOL My mother was waaaaaaaaay to protective for all that. I told her that though Dylan is a “boy” he would NOT be allowed to come in anytime he wanted and go as he pleased and she didn’t understand why. Well, the way I see it, I WANT him to have some fun, but I also want him to respect the fact that he IS a child as long as he is in my home and that he get’s “privileges” like these…….it’s NOT a right, nor should he expect that it is a given. Now, (as many parents have said, and I’m saying it too) when YOU have YOUR own shit…..do as you like, but until then……. No deal.
Quick story: When I was 12 I asked if I could go go-cart racing with my best friend (whom my mother knew and LIKED her mother) and her 16 year old sister (who my mother also liked). They were going to leave at about 6:30 or so. The answer was a resounding “no….. you will be out too late”. I . WAS. PISSED !!!!!! It was ridiculous! Preposterous! I am not a baby!!! We woulda only have been out until 10:00 or so….. I was thinking, heck I stay UP later than THAT on the weekends!”
Hmm….. I know that me & my son will have the saaaaaame battles, because boy-child or NOT, he will NOT be allowed to do whatever or go wherever or with WHOMEVER he wants!!! There’s toooooooooo much shit to get into and it’s MY job, duty, task and assignment to make sure he DOES NOT see his way clear to be curious about ALL those things and get into a buncha shit. I don’t wanna bury my son or have him be a thug or abusing some substance (alcohol or other). So, as long as he is under MY ROOF……ya’ll know the rest. GAME OVER. MY RULES. I will let him have fun, I will PROBABLY (if he’s a good kid and gets those grades) let him have MORE FREEDOM than my mother EVER let me have. And NOT just because he’s a “boy”. See…..my husband believes in that double standard of letting boys do more, and be out more than girls. FUCK THAT ! I do not, and it ain’t going down. If I have a daughter, she will receive the SAME leeway that my son received. If I trust him to be out at a certain time, why shouldn’t I trust her??? I hate those double standards! LOL
I also want to be real with my son and tell him about the fucked up shit so that he can KNOW the real. My mother sheltered me from all kinda shit……R-rated movies, sex, porn……you know all that shyt. I WILL SHOW HIM ALL OF THAT….at some point. Yes, I said it…. ALL. OF.IT. Because you BEST believe that if you don’s show it to him, that his lil ass is gonna see it SOMEWHERE. Men find their way to the darkside LOL But seriously, I want him to know that I am his mother FIRST and foremost, but that he can come to me & his dad and trust us as well. All kids need to feel safe with their parents. But if he gets out of line and I need to lay the hammer down, so be it.
There’s this Asian chick that I work with and she has 3 dayum kids. She had 2 of them in a 12 month period (i.e. one MONTH after she had the 2nd one, her shouldn’t-have-been-fuckin ass got pregnant!). She says that her oldest who is 4 routinely “growls” at people he doesn’t know and she said that she was “surprised” that “he didn’t growl at you when he first met you….. I was so pleasantly surprised”.
WTF????
I would beat the horse-hog-shit outta my son if he was “growling” at someone when he met them. See…..no home training. My son knows NOW that there’s only SO FAR he can take that telling me “no” shit (I gives a fuck about terrible two’s….if I tell you to come here and you can tell I’m serious….which he can….. you DO NOT tell me no and keep stepping. Or you gon find my hand on dat ass…for real). I just shook ,my head. That’s why these GROWN ass men think that they can talk to women any ole way…..NO. FUCKING. HOME . TRAINING. She ain’t training him….no I take that back….she IS training him. Just the wrong way, that’s all. **shaking my dayum head***
You know...when i was about 12 my then best friend who was 11 (and was, admittedly fast) called these guys (that I didn't know NOR did I know that she had called) to meet us at the park. The guys were about 2-3 years older than me. Well, it was getting dark----quickly. Goodness, whyyyyyy did my mother come looking for me (I was my mother's only child and she was verrrrrrrry overprotective of me) and came upon us literally just standing and talking to those boys. She threatened to beat me when we got upstairs and told my girl that she was telling her grandparents IMMEDIATELY (that's who she lived with). After that day she FORBADE me to speak to or hang out with her ANYMORE, because of the same principles that your grandmother extolled. I HATED her on that day and many after that for you see, we lived in an apt. building and this girl was the ONLY girl my age IN IT. I was lonely and pissed. I would often sneak up to her apt. and sit and talk with she and her grandma, but I couldn't stay long. There were no more outings for us. A few years later I moved with my dad on the other side of town when my mother took a job in Florida. I had long since gained more friends in highschool and moved on. I saw her when I was 19 or 20 and she had 3 babies by 2 different DRUG DEALERS, one of who had been shot and killed not six months earlier.
It then hit me, i mean REALLY HIT ME, that my mother was right.....birds of a feather DO flock together. I hope this is a lesson that my son learns early………
I guess parents really do influence (sometimes unknowingly) how your do things.
I don’t think that I appreciated the tools that my mother gave me to succeed and navigate through this world until I was in college. My mother likes to tell the story allll the time of how when I was young (4 or 5ish) that I saw some little kid doing something they shouldn’t have been and just acting bad in general. I turned to her and said “oooooh, Mommy…..they better be glad that they are not YOUR child…” LOL But I knew how to act….. that comment showed that some “training” had been imparted to me…. At a young age.
I was not a bad child by any stretch of the imagination, partially because my mother did not ALLOW me to “stretch” too far from her watchful eye and ANY time. I always said that she was overly protective and I STILL think that she was, in MOST respects. Even though I now see MOST of her lessons, I still do not see WHY she had to be sooo hard on me sometimes. I was not a person who snuck out the house, who had guys over, who snuck out to see guys, who wore inappropriate clothing or who thought they could say any ole thing to their mother…..hellll naw…… I ain’t crazy! LOL My mother was the most civilized person, but she could strike fear into me in 2 seconds flat.
Me and a girlfriend of mine were talking the other day about upbringing’s and what not and she ( who reads my blog) told me her parents pretty much let her do and go where she wanted to (she and her younger brother and her older sister). She had no bedtime, no curfew, and could spend the night at her friends house all week if she so chose. I couldn’t imagine! Now you would think that her parents were the unloving, cold type, but touché….. just the opposite. Her Mom is thee SWEETEST person on the planet! Now, her Dad is a little stern, but her mother…….you couldn’t ask for a sweeter person! I told her that if I wasn’t back at THEE precise time, Peggy Ann was looking for my black ass. I couldn’t imagine being able to go and do as I pleased. I told her that your parents were SOOOOOO lucky that you all were mild mannered (she has 2 siblings) and that ya’ll were running around allll buck loosy, all around the town! LOL My mother was waaaaaaaaay to protective for all that. I told her that though Dylan is a “boy” he would NOT be allowed to come in anytime he wanted and go as he pleased and she didn’t understand why. Well, the way I see it, I WANT him to have some fun, but I also want him to respect the fact that he IS a child as long as he is in my home and that he get’s “privileges” like these…….it’s NOT a right, nor should he expect that it is a given. Now, (as many parents have said, and I’m saying it too) when YOU have YOUR own shit…..do as you like, but until then……. No deal.
Quick story: When I was 12 I asked if I could go go-cart racing with my best friend (whom my mother knew and LIKED her mother) and her 16 year old sister (who my mother also liked). They were going to leave at about 6:30 or so. The answer was a resounding “no….. you will be out too late”. I . WAS. PISSED !!!!!! It was ridiculous! Preposterous! I am not a baby!!! We woulda only have been out until 10:00 or so….. I was thinking, heck I stay UP later than THAT on the weekends!”
Hmm….. I know that me & my son will have the saaaaaame battles, because boy-child or NOT, he will NOT be allowed to do whatever or go wherever or with WHOMEVER he wants!!! There’s toooooooooo much shit to get into and it’s MY job, duty, task and assignment to make sure he DOES NOT see his way clear to be curious about ALL those things and get into a buncha shit. I don’t wanna bury my son or have him be a thug or abusing some substance (alcohol or other). So, as long as he is under MY ROOF……ya’ll know the rest. GAME OVER. MY RULES. I will let him have fun, I will PROBABLY (if he’s a good kid and gets those grades) let him have MORE FREEDOM than my mother EVER let me have. And NOT just because he’s a “boy”. See…..my husband believes in that double standard of letting boys do more, and be out more than girls. FUCK THAT ! I do not, and it ain’t going down. If I have a daughter, she will receive the SAME leeway that my son received. If I trust him to be out at a certain time, why shouldn’t I trust her??? I hate those double standards! LOL
I also want to be real with my son and tell him about the fucked up shit so that he can KNOW the real. My mother sheltered me from all kinda shit……R-rated movies, sex, porn……you know all that shyt. I WILL SHOW HIM ALL OF THAT….at some point. Yes, I said it…. ALL. OF.IT. Because you BEST believe that if you don’s show it to him, that his lil ass is gonna see it SOMEWHERE. Men find their way to the darkside LOL But seriously, I want him to know that I am his mother FIRST and foremost, but that he can come to me & his dad and trust us as well. All kids need to feel safe with their parents. But if he gets out of line and I need to lay the hammer down, so be it.
There’s this Asian chick that I work with and she has 3 dayum kids. She had 2 of them in a 12 month period (i.e. one MONTH after she had the 2nd one, her shouldn’t-have-been-fuckin ass got pregnant!). She says that her oldest who is 4 routinely “growls” at people he doesn’t know and she said that she was “surprised” that “he didn’t growl at you when he first met you….. I was so pleasantly surprised”.
WTF????
I would beat the horse-hog-shit outta my son if he was “growling” at someone when he met them. See…..no home training. My son knows NOW that there’s only SO FAR he can take that telling me “no” shit (I gives a fuck about terrible two’s….if I tell you to come here and you can tell I’m serious….which he can….. you DO NOT tell me no and keep stepping. Or you gon find my hand on dat ass…for real). I just shook ,my head. That’s why these GROWN ass men think that they can talk to women any ole way…..NO. FUCKING. HOME . TRAINING. She ain’t training him….no I take that back….she IS training him. Just the wrong way, that’s all. **shaking my dayum head***
You know...when i was about 12 my then best friend who was 11 (and was, admittedly fast) called these guys (that I didn't know NOR did I know that she had called) to meet us at the park. The guys were about 2-3 years older than me. Well, it was getting dark----quickly. Goodness, whyyyyyy did my mother come looking for me (I was my mother's only child and she was verrrrrrrry overprotective of me) and came upon us literally just standing and talking to those boys. She threatened to beat me when we got upstairs and told my girl that she was telling her grandparents IMMEDIATELY (that's who she lived with). After that day she FORBADE me to speak to or hang out with her ANYMORE, because of the same principles that your grandmother extolled. I HATED her on that day and many after that for you see, we lived in an apt. building and this girl was the ONLY girl my age IN IT. I was lonely and pissed. I would often sneak up to her apt. and sit and talk with she and her grandma, but I couldn't stay long. There were no more outings for us. A few years later I moved with my dad on the other side of town when my mother took a job in Florida. I had long since gained more friends in highschool and moved on. I saw her when I was 19 or 20 and she had 3 babies by 2 different DRUG DEALERS, one of who had been shot and killed not six months earlier.
It then hit me, i mean REALLY HIT ME, that my mother was right.....birds of a feather DO flock together. I hope this is a lesson that my son learns early………
I guess parents really do influence (sometimes unknowingly) how your do things.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
My niece got married on Saturday and it was a joyous occasion for all who shared in this day! I am so happy for her and her new hubby. She is 23 and has been with him for 9 years…..no, that is NOT a typo….. she has been with him for NINE years.
Wow, that’s longer than some people are married (hell than a lot of people!). But I am not surprised. My brother (her father) and her Mom have been married for 35 years and are only 53 and 52 respectively.
Now, I’m not saying that they haven’t had their problems, cuz I’m sure they have. I am saying that they made a commitment to stay in this marriage for what ladies and gentlemen…..for better or for worse. That and I think that they found each other so young that they ain’t know too much more!! HA!!!
As I think about how proud I am of her I reflect……….and (as Zed so eloquently put) am a little sadder and a little older today…..this was my baby girl, my little shadow when I was late teens/early twenties. I remember she used to come over with her mother or father at the ASS CRACK of dawn (because as you know allllllllll lil kids get up RARIN’ to go at the ass-crack of dawn……well, so did my brother and sister-in-law…….there should be laws against it, really…). Well, I was a total teenager/college student in that I didn’t RISE until AT LEAST noon! I would be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED at her coming in and fucking waking me up. I swear sometimes I wanted to throw her little 4 year old self down the stairs! And my door DIDN’T have a lock on it, so all her ass had to do was open the damn door! DAMNIT!!! I remember when she and her brother would come over and all THREE of us would sleep in the bed (queen size) together and would get kicked in the head and wake up with a leg sprawled across my face. LOL
But look at her now…… beautiful beyond measure and classy beyond her years. So, as friends toasted and made us cry at the sentiment expressed, we rejoice in this new union and new life ahead of two very special people.
I am now not only an aunt, I am her friend, and I am lucky to have her. She’s not my “lil niece” who everyone used to ask me if she was my daughter when I was like 16, because we looked so similar back then. Now, she’s married. Now I know why parents feel that mix of happy and sad when their kids grow up……
Friday, June 09, 2006
What it do folks?!
Since I returned from vacay, I have become a grand master at nothing. Meaning, I have NOT wanted, tried to or engaged in ANYTHING meaningful at this job. My disdain is as thick as the pollen around this time of year, cept……my disdain is here to stay. I have been avoiding doing work, blog-surfing, writing out bills, looking for father’s day gifts on the web, planning my kid’s b-day party and web-surfing in general since I came back. I have a fear of getting fired, but I do not. A very conscious part of my subconscious almost feels that if I DO get fired that it will be a sigh of relief and a monkee off my back (guess I’m being passive-aggressive in it’s purest form, huh?) I could quit but I have gotten in this rut of Perks vs. looking-for-a-new-job-is-a-pain-in-the-ass-and-i-might-not-be-in-any-better-situation-in-the-end type of fear situation. But yeet and still, I know I need to go.
Aside from that, I want to still have the perks of “working women” (i.e. getting hair, nails done; have my own money; not having to worry about every penny I spend) and with one income and a nice sized mortgage…..the two don’t go hand it hand. Ya know, I COULD really use a REAL break from work. I would LOVE to take like a year off and just chill. Yup. Sit on my big ass, raise my son and CHILL. Not deal with white folks and their “special” contrivances. I’d love to, but I just can’t give up the dough……. ***big ole sigh***
I get no value from this job (cept monetary), have no ambition to do anything here because it has been sucked outta me and a WHOLE lotta people at this company (for real…..I know of at least 5 people who are looking to leave ) and one (a black woman) who turned in her resignation and isn’t quitting until Aug. 10, but HAS NO JOB TO GO TO!!!! She quit a job with a GREAT salary, plays almost ALL of the corporate games, and she quit a seemingly “good job” in a state with the 2nd highest unemployment rate in the country! Get the picture? She quit because she is fed up! And she IS a goody-goody, do everything she can type. See….. I ain’t that African. I will be arbitrary JUST BECAUSE you want me to be a certain way (even if I somewhat don’t have a problem with the issue in question). I swear the older I get , the more I can see the reason that old people take NO SHIT. I’m almost at that point and I am only 35!
But anywho…… her stank ass boss (who I SWEAR is getting to be more and more like my boss cause she listens to her too much) just pissed her off! I stopped trying to learn anything new EONS ago, because everytime I would ask, my boss would have SOME reason (as if I were an LD, short-bus riding kid) justifying why she didn't want to teach me that "right now". So, I am and have been in a general malaise-ish (yup,I made that up) mood when I am here. Yeah I got work to do, but I do it when I HAVE to.
I must get outta here. For real. I have said it before, but this time for real, I gotta go. This company is contracted to another bigger company and because it is contract renewal time, the bigger co. is SQUEEZING the blood outta this co. and they are talking about making SO MANY CUTS, that it’s not EVEN funny! I feel that it’s just a matter of time before it’s me. Why you say? Because my boss recently told me that I am going to take on some of FATBALL's work because he got additional responsibilities and because(and I quote) "The president feels that you need to be more involved in more HR functions……and if there was any job I was worried about with this whole contract negotiation, it was yours."
WTF??????
That bitch had hinted around before but had never said THOSE words. I tend to be thick when it comes to shit like that because if I don’t, I will worry (I am a worrier) TOO much. My theory: Deal with it when it comes.
So, I know that I have just become complacent and spoiled in terms of having a leisurely work-pace, and as a result of my boss being a horrible boss combined with the perks of this job…. Those things keep me here. That and the fact that I can AFFORD to slough off on work for a week, surf the net and STILL get the majority of my work done, is appealing to me. Hell, I DO NOT want to work like a dog. Some of YA’LL might, but I don’t. Some do and are driven and ENJOY the “challenge.......I do not. I have never been a competitive person. I just want to do a job and go home. I HAVE a life outside of these walls, she does not. I have a child, she does not. And I have other friends. She does not. So, you can seee how her expectations and my reality clash. Now, I used to want to excel and learn but this job has stagnated that desire. Coporate Industry Rule Number 4,080…..all these muthafuckas are shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady. (name that sample Hip Hop heads….not you Zed, I know YOU know!)
But I was not always like this. Coming outta college, I wanted to excel, make a name for myself and have a title. I “happened upon HR (since it is NOT what I went to college for, as a matter of fact, I never had ONE HR or business course in college). And here I am doing it because I know how to talk to people. I am good at it and you can get a lot farther with a coke and a smile than being a bitch (well……sometimes being a bitch DOES get you farther, but you will be alone, and have no allies , for everyone is talking about you behind your back. Nor does being a “bitch” instill feelings likely to incite people to work harder FOR you). This makes me wonder if HR is for me. I am good at it because of the people aspect, but I HATE laws. I am really and TRULY a person that BELIEVES in bending a rule here, slashing it there…… I hate goody-goody people and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not the “employee role model”. What I do should NOT be determined on how "others" will see me .... I hate that whole expectation that I have to be so "beyond reproach". Hey..... I am NOT perfect, I am human..... yet I am expected to makw NO MISTAKES. FUCK THAT. I don't believe in that theory, which is why I have this dichotomy going and have problems navigating my way through this job as an HR person. I have a life and THIS job is not it, therefore you won’t see me staying late unless I absoulutely need to get work done or if is mandated(which just happened recently for our whole group because of a software changeover) and THEN I WILL have an attitude---- I will try to cover it up, but it will be there.
This is why I question daily if HR is for me. I could go to another job and maybe have a better boss but….**shudder** I may not. You see, though leaving one job and going to another and that new job being WORSE or just as bad doesn’t usually happen to people , it FO SHO happened to me (Zed, please back me on this since my pervious boss was one of your frat and YOU even know the horrors and jackass behavior he exhibited). My former boss and this boss (working for them has been around 7 of the worst work- years of my life collectively) are assholes and TERRIBLE bosses. I know, I know, I sound suspect because usually if a problem persists, the common denominator is the root cause. Trust me (Zed, please testify), I am a VERY objective person and can TELL you my faults and in THIS case, it ain’t me. It’s REALLY them assholes.
But just like opinions…I guess everyone’s got em in their lives.....somewhere..... assholes that is….. and everyone's gotta deal with them at some point.
Aside from that, I want to still have the perks of “working women” (i.e. getting hair, nails done; have my own money; not having to worry about every penny I spend) and with one income and a nice sized mortgage…..the two don’t go hand it hand. Ya know, I COULD really use a REAL break from work. I would LOVE to take like a year off and just chill. Yup. Sit on my big ass, raise my son and CHILL. Not deal with white folks and their “special” contrivances. I’d love to, but I just can’t give up the dough……. ***big ole sigh***
I get no value from this job (cept monetary), have no ambition to do anything here because it has been sucked outta me and a WHOLE lotta people at this company (for real…..I know of at least 5 people who are looking to leave ) and one (a black woman) who turned in her resignation and isn’t quitting until Aug. 10, but HAS NO JOB TO GO TO!!!! She quit a job with a GREAT salary, plays almost ALL of the corporate games, and she quit a seemingly “good job” in a state with the 2nd highest unemployment rate in the country! Get the picture? She quit because she is fed up! And she IS a goody-goody, do everything she can type. See….. I ain’t that African. I will be arbitrary JUST BECAUSE you want me to be a certain way (even if I somewhat don’t have a problem with the issue in question). I swear the older I get , the more I can see the reason that old people take NO SHIT. I’m almost at that point and I am only 35!
But anywho…… her stank ass boss (who I SWEAR is getting to be more and more like my boss cause she listens to her too much) just pissed her off! I stopped trying to learn anything new EONS ago, because everytime I would ask, my boss would have SOME reason (as if I were an LD, short-bus riding kid) justifying why she didn't want to teach me that "right now". So, I am and have been in a general malaise-ish (yup,I made that up) mood when I am here. Yeah I got work to do, but I do it when I HAVE to.
I must get outta here. For real. I have said it before, but this time for real, I gotta go. This company is contracted to another bigger company and because it is contract renewal time, the bigger co. is SQUEEZING the blood outta this co. and they are talking about making SO MANY CUTS, that it’s not EVEN funny! I feel that it’s just a matter of time before it’s me. Why you say? Because my boss recently told me that I am going to take on some of FATBALL's work because he got additional responsibilities and because(and I quote) "The president feels that you need to be more involved in more HR functions……and if there was any job I was worried about with this whole contract negotiation, it was yours."
WTF??????
That bitch had hinted around before but had never said THOSE words. I tend to be thick when it comes to shit like that because if I don’t, I will worry (I am a worrier) TOO much. My theory: Deal with it when it comes.
So, I know that I have just become complacent and spoiled in terms of having a leisurely work-pace, and as a result of my boss being a horrible boss combined with the perks of this job…. Those things keep me here. That and the fact that I can AFFORD to slough off on work for a week, surf the net and STILL get the majority of my work done, is appealing to me. Hell, I DO NOT want to work like a dog. Some of YA’LL might, but I don’t. Some do and are driven and ENJOY the “challenge.......I do not. I have never been a competitive person. I just want to do a job and go home. I HAVE a life outside of these walls, she does not. I have a child, she does not. And I have other friends. She does not. So, you can seee how her expectations and my reality clash. Now, I used to want to excel and learn but this job has stagnated that desire. Coporate Industry Rule Number 4,080…..all these muthafuckas are shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady. (name that sample Hip Hop heads….not you Zed, I know YOU know!)
But I was not always like this. Coming outta college, I wanted to excel, make a name for myself and have a title. I “happened upon HR (since it is NOT what I went to college for, as a matter of fact, I never had ONE HR or business course in college). And here I am doing it because I know how to talk to people. I am good at it and you can get a lot farther with a coke and a smile than being a bitch (well……sometimes being a bitch DOES get you farther, but you will be alone, and have no allies , for everyone is talking about you behind your back. Nor does being a “bitch” instill feelings likely to incite people to work harder FOR you). This makes me wonder if HR is for me. I am good at it because of the people aspect, but I HATE laws. I am really and TRULY a person that BELIEVES in bending a rule here, slashing it there…… I hate goody-goody people and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not the “employee role model”. What I do should NOT be determined on how "others" will see me .... I hate that whole expectation that I have to be so "beyond reproach". Hey..... I am NOT perfect, I am human..... yet I am expected to makw NO MISTAKES. FUCK THAT. I don't believe in that theory, which is why I have this dichotomy going and have problems navigating my way through this job as an HR person. I have a life and THIS job is not it, therefore you won’t see me staying late unless I absoulutely need to get work done or if is mandated(which just happened recently for our whole group because of a software changeover) and THEN I WILL have an attitude---- I will try to cover it up, but it will be there.
This is why I question daily if HR is for me. I could go to another job and maybe have a better boss but….**shudder** I may not. You see, though leaving one job and going to another and that new job being WORSE or just as bad doesn’t usually happen to people , it FO SHO happened to me (Zed, please back me on this since my pervious boss was one of your frat and YOU even know the horrors and jackass behavior he exhibited). My former boss and this boss (working for them has been around 7 of the worst work- years of my life collectively) are assholes and TERRIBLE bosses. I know, I know, I sound suspect because usually if a problem persists, the common denominator is the root cause. Trust me (Zed, please testify), I am a VERY objective person and can TELL you my faults and in THIS case, it ain’t me. It’s REALLY them assholes.
But just like opinions…I guess everyone’s got em in their lives.....somewhere..... assholes that is….. and everyone's gotta deal with them at some point.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Free reign
It’s amazing that people who routinely talk badly (i.e. talking on the phone to someone and when referring to someone not present, berating them “Stupid ass” or “yeah HE’S a genius” or “She’s dumb as a bag of rocks”) and can routinely get the top scores on their performance review. Isn't that some shit that at most jobs would get you pulled into somebody's officed and counseled? At MIMIMUM??
If you all haven’t figured out yet, I am talking about this jackass at my job. I sit next to him and he routinely dogs people to other people or curses when speaking about how somebody "fucked something up again.......just brilliant!" or says really nasty shit about someone and it’s just accepted as “that’s how he is”. He came from a “plant” type of environment , and when I say plant I mean production plant. This in NO way justifies his behavior or verbiage, this is just for info. sake. So, you know men in particular, talk any ole kinda way at plants more often than NOT and it’s called “shop talk”. Well, more and more you are seeing that “shop talk” is being done away with because often times that talk has landed some company in litigation involving a sexual harassment claim by some woman who has been called some misogynistic or just plain nasty name . And these days (i.e. the days of sexual harassment and harassment in general) more and more people are not taking that crap.
So, why do I sit here and take listening to this muthafucka? The way he speaks bothers the shit outta me not because the words that he uses are offensive (cuz I ROUTINELY cuss like a sailor AT HOME ), but because he is so blatant and so terse with his wording. There is no tact. If we are to “work together as a team”, how can we do that when if someone fucks up on something (which let’s face it,……it happens) the person who has the answer or is sent to help fix it, constantly undermines their credibility to other co-workers and spreads stank ass sentiments throughout the organization like a cancer. So, the REASON I have to deal with this EVEN THOUGH I work IN HUMAN RESOURCES is because my boss is a bitch who thinks this lousy jackass rules the world and because he is in command of information that she does not possess. Therefore, she cant’ effectively manage him, because he KNOWS more in his area of expertise than she does,and losing his expertise (I’ll admit it) would be a very big loss.
But my thing is, if you can reprimand me about some inane ass bullshit, you can reprimand his ass. FUCK that! You talk about building company allegiance and staving off turnover, but you allow people like him to act any way he wants to! And we work in an environment where even a WHISPER can be heard in the cube next to you (I am not exaggerating). So, I KNOW MANY other people have heard him. I wonder do they feel like I do?
This , to me, just fuels white folks in their thinking that they can do whatever they wanna do. Perfect example: You ever player a gama of “chicken” with a white person at the mall or the grocery store or walking down the street (even if YOU are in a car)? Them muthafuckas will NOT MOVE! Why? Because they expect YOU to move! It’s common courtesy in most instances for BOTH people approaching each other to step aside a bit for the on-coming person. But white folks? They don’t. I have literally shoulder checked some white bitches because I refuse to move because they obviously have more room to move over than me and they just walk and talk like they don’t see nobody and don’t have a care in the world. It’s true. If you’ve never tried it, try it sometime….you’ll see……
Another factor is that I work for a woman, and it’s a proven fact that MOST times a woman WORKING for a woman is simply NOT good! Too many power struggles and too much for the top bitch to prove. Which makes me wonder if I had any subordinates that were woman, how would I be?.....hmmmmmm……. So, we have this bitch who WANTS to be submissive yet aggressive in the workplace and still wants to defer to a man who lets him do whatever he wants to do. Runnin’ free…..
If you all haven’t figured out yet, I am talking about this jackass at my job. I sit next to him and he routinely dogs people to other people or curses when speaking about how somebody "fucked something up again.......just brilliant!" or says really nasty shit about someone and it’s just accepted as “that’s how he is”. He came from a “plant” type of environment , and when I say plant I mean production plant. This in NO way justifies his behavior or verbiage, this is just for info. sake. So, you know men in particular, talk any ole kinda way at plants more often than NOT and it’s called “shop talk”. Well, more and more you are seeing that “shop talk” is being done away with because often times that talk has landed some company in litigation involving a sexual harassment claim by some woman who has been called some misogynistic or just plain nasty name . And these days (i.e. the days of sexual harassment and harassment in general) more and more people are not taking that crap.
So, why do I sit here and take listening to this muthafucka? The way he speaks bothers the shit outta me not because the words that he uses are offensive (cuz I ROUTINELY cuss like a sailor AT HOME ), but because he is so blatant and so terse with his wording. There is no tact. If we are to “work together as a team”, how can we do that when if someone fucks up on something (which let’s face it,……it happens) the person who has the answer or is sent to help fix it, constantly undermines their credibility to other co-workers and spreads stank ass sentiments throughout the organization like a cancer. So, the REASON I have to deal with this EVEN THOUGH I work IN HUMAN RESOURCES is because my boss is a bitch who thinks this lousy jackass rules the world and because he is in command of information that she does not possess. Therefore, she cant’ effectively manage him, because he KNOWS more in his area of expertise than she does,and losing his expertise (I’ll admit it) would be a very big loss.
But my thing is, if you can reprimand me about some inane ass bullshit, you can reprimand his ass. FUCK that! You talk about building company allegiance and staving off turnover, but you allow people like him to act any way he wants to! And we work in an environment where even a WHISPER can be heard in the cube next to you (I am not exaggerating). So, I KNOW MANY other people have heard him. I wonder do they feel like I do?
This , to me, just fuels white folks in their thinking that they can do whatever they wanna do. Perfect example: You ever player a gama of “chicken” with a white person at the mall or the grocery store or walking down the street (even if YOU are in a car)? Them muthafuckas will NOT MOVE! Why? Because they expect YOU to move! It’s common courtesy in most instances for BOTH people approaching each other to step aside a bit for the on-coming person. But white folks? They don’t. I have literally shoulder checked some white bitches because I refuse to move because they obviously have more room to move over than me and they just walk and talk like they don’t see nobody and don’t have a care in the world. It’s true. If you’ve never tried it, try it sometime….you’ll see……
Another factor is that I work for a woman, and it’s a proven fact that MOST times a woman WORKING for a woman is simply NOT good! Too many power struggles and too much for the top bitch to prove. Which makes me wonder if I had any subordinates that were woman, how would I be?.....hmmmmmm……. So, we have this bitch who WANTS to be submissive yet aggressive in the workplace and still wants to defer to a man who lets him do whatever he wants to do. Runnin’ free…..
Friday, June 02, 2006
Lil Boy
He smiles, I smile. I look at him and see such innocence. His mind is as unsoiled as the water flowing over the rocks through a mountain stream. Fresh and clean. We sit and I read the letter “E” book to him from his Elmo book series. Well, halfway through he get’s restless: “Mommy, let’s watch Mon-ter Ink” (that's the movie Monster's, Inc. for those of you without lil ones). I oblige, happy to be his concierge, happy to be in his presence and if for no other than this moment, happy to be HIS mommy. Out of all of the Mommy’s in the world, God picked ME to be the one to raise, shelter, hold, protect, love, discipline, teach and watch-over this little boy. I am blessed.
When I am hating my job and HATING what I CAN’T do, and hating my limitations (some self imposed I’m sure), it is moments like this that breathe happiness into my frumpiness. While we were in Atlanta, one night we were getting ready to put him to bed and I said “Hey, you ready to go nite-nite?” He looked at me and said (with the cutest, most innocent look) “Mommy, I bin sleeping all DAY”, and when he said it he held his hands out with his palms up and dropped them as he made his definitive statement . I just laughed and laughed…….
In those moments I know that I am blessed and all of the things I fuss about are not important…….the moment…..the emotion……the love is what is important. Isn’t that what God really wants us to feel anyway? The love?
Peace
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
