DISCO'S GRUUV..... the life of a discodiva

Answers

2009-01-22T16:58:00.001-05:00

So, I haven't written in awhile... yeah, I know...been pretty lazy :)

So here's a "get back in the groove" post for ya....

I fail: at being proactive on MOST days
I dream: of a world without boundaries (and in color!)
I sleep: restlessly, waking up often because I am hot or cold
I wonder: what my son will be like as an adult
I don’t: always take as good care of myself as I should
I want: to have a 4 or 5 bedroom house one day, but this dayum economy is JACKING ME UP.
I always: wish I could survive on 3 hours of sleep. Can you imagine all that I could get done???
I worry: too much
I have: a lot of respect for parents of 3 or more children
I give: too little time to pursuing what I love (photography)
I fight: the urge to say what I REALLY think to someone every day (politics, ya know?)
I am: a true blue to friend to the friends I have
I can’t: keep most promises to spank my son
I stay: tickled at my son’s laugh
I will: never give up
I can: be better tomorrow than I was today
I would: love to go someplace Carribean for my next vacation
I might: have another baby…. Just maybe
I like: rainy days
I love: feeling purely “happy” from the inside out.
I smile: when I hear Disco/House music that takes me back to my 20’s
I frown: when someone pisses me off on the road
I read: too little
I work: too little at building my photography business.
I never: say never

Tam: I will TRY to post more often LOL

This is bugging me....

2008-11-10T13:22:00.003-05:00

The black girl that sits next to me is aloof....off-putting often-times. I think it's me. nah.... can't be. I am one of THE most friendly, easy-to-get-to-know/get-along-with people i know. She is young. And weird. Well....weird in a very private way....

Let me give you some details.....

She is professional and has a more mature "way" about her...older than her years let on. She has a 3 year old boy child whom she parents alone. I feel for her because that is difficult. It is not easy being the mother of a boy with no male parent around. She is extremely private, so I really don't know what her existence is like. Shs is so private that her son , though he has been allowed to be around some guy she is dating, doesn't even know her "kinda-man's" name....nor will she even tell us (ANY of us) her wo-workers his name when we are all talking in general conversation. And I get the "some people are just private" thing.... but if you tell us about him, why would you not tell us a first name???? I mean come on! We WON'T know him girlfriend! WTF???? Please get over your chastity belt wearing uptight ass!!! That bothers me. While NO ONE has to tell their business.... what does it hurt to say a first name???? I mean really.......

Maybe she will open up more once I have been here for awhile....but what's awhile? I have been here for two months all-dayum-ready. (***insert WTF face***)

Back to the son....she wont let her son watch anything (cartoons or otherwise) that isn't "educationally based". Really? He's 3 sis. Ease up.... there will be time for stringent scholarly pursuits later. She also has strict rules as to when and what kind of snacks may be eaten by him,as well as other harbingers of future school teachers.

She is approximately 10 years younger than me. Her with a 3 year old and me with a 4 year old.... there are inherently different parenting styles. She brought her son to work last week because she was leaving early for the day because....she refuses to let him take part in Halloween.....just because.... no religious reason to speak of.... just doesn't believe in it. Won't even let him get a costume as a fluffy bunny to play in....just doesn't believe in it. I think people like this are too serious and need some "happy medicine" or something. He is the cutest and sweetest boy and since I sit right next to her, we became fast friends. I thought that with her as a mom he would be withdrawn and quiet and....well.... like her.

But back to her and I. I like forming some type of "comfortable bond" with the people (ES.PEC.IALLY the black people) that I work with. She won't allow it and I have tried to figure out why. Oh and by the way, it's not just me. There's a guy who ----a black guy----started at the SAME time with me and he said the same thing ----- she's a different bird and seems to not have much to say to us. Maybe she just takes awhile to "warm-up" to people. But I am a person who will say good morning to my "cube-mate" even if I am in a pissy-ass mood. I am the person who will talk to anyone. I am the person who embraces being more friendly with people because I spend more fuckin WAKING hours HERE than at home! She has walked past my cube many times today, without so much as a hello or acknowledgement that she and I have not uttered a word to each other. I'm starting to get an attitude about it....ti being the way she is. And the way my desk faces, you practically look me RIGHT.IN.THE.FACE when you are coming down the path to our desks.

The guy who started with me said " you know, it's like if you ask her a question.... she gives you the SHORTEST answer possible....almost like "can you beat it" type of feeling" . He said it. LOL .But interestingly enough she's best buds with the white chick that sits on the other side of her who is just a few years younger than me & the guy that was hired at the same time as I. (i.e. it CAN'T be the age thing....)

Now, I do not have to be your best friend, but there have been times when I had to ask a question and they were just standing around having general conversation and she all but ignored me....i.e. using non-verbal dis-inclusional cues (e.g. not looking at me, not responding to a comment I make so as to say "umm... you weren't in this conversation and I refuse to acknowledge you", continuing the general conversation until I MAKE my question known).

I don't get it. And really and truly I don't think she's jealous or anything like that. I am not going to say that she doesn't like me either. She's just weird. Maybe I am too "old" for her group. I have felt this same kind of "don't fit in" feeling around my niece (who is 26 ) as I sometimes feel around her. Do I need to necesarily "included"? In a work-friendly sense I guess I feel like it's just the "courteous" thing to do.

She is a grade level lower than us and has less experience than us, yet performs basically the same functions as us. Interesting. Maybe she's intimidated **shrug**. Dunno. But I do know that her essence is starting to get under my skin.....

2008-11-01T14:08:00.002-05:00

People.... myyyyyyyyyyyyy people.... I swear the earth is going hell in a handbasket.....look at this mess right here!!!

Just dayum ! LOL

Christmas yearnings....

2008-10-27T20:10:00.002-05:00

My son and I went looking through the Toys R'Us Big Toy book the other day, right.... soooo he named AND circled about 25 things he wants and I just had to laugh. I remember doing the SAME thing....OK..... but not at FOUR YEARS OLD!!!

**Insert twisted lips**

I told him that Santa would have to think about his requests and that we would see. HE said "ok mommy" (all dejected)

So, to combat this "I should get" attitude, guess what WE are going to start doing??? DELIVERING FOOD to shelters during the holidays. That is going to be our **New** tradition. So often kids (and adults) can get so caught up in things that don;t matter....the materialistic stuff.

**raising my hand** "my name is Robyn and I am materialistic ~~too many~~ sometimes.... I want to be in the 20 step program"

LOL

So, I think that in these times where jobs are dayum near IMPOSSIBLE to come by, I need to be happy that I have a family that loves me, a great job with good people to work with AND a house that is NOT getting foreclosed on! I think that I am SO LUCKY and fortunate and I want my son to learn to be thankful as well.

It starts with us.... and it still takes a village :-)

On a Sunday....

2008-10-26T08:29:00.011-05:00

So,me and the boy have had a cough combined with slight chest congestion for THREE weeks now.... i HAAAAAAATe going to the dr, mostly because #1 I have NO TIME off brcause I JUST started a fuckin job 2 months ago and #2 our co-pays are $30 a fucking PIECE!!!! I know I know.... i need to take him if no one.... **sigh**.... and my husband acts like he can't take him (because he really IS very busy at work) but hs said he would try to take him. Why can't this shit just go AWAY??? I have truly been coughing for about a MONTH now to be honest... I must go tomorrow...this is rediculous.

Bout Time!!!

WORD UP!!! (yeah, I said it...I'm bringing that phrase back!) We WON!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a LONNNNNNNNNNNG time and we finally have our bragging right back!!! YEAH BABY!!!!! Michigan has beaten us since 2001 until yesterday! THAT's a LONG flippin time! We had not won AT Michigan since 1990. WHAT THE?.... 19.90?????

That's a SHAME! I was in college in 1990! DAMN!!!! But they did it. It looked ominous around the middle of the game, but they pulled it off! GO SPARTANS!!!!! I'm so proud!

Time

I have sooo many things to do in a day (as anyone dos) and I seem to always feel that I have NO TIME to just be "me". I swear, it's like the "mentality" of when I was laid-off just won't leave me! Couple that with the fact that by 9:30-10:00pm... I am DONE! And that is with getting up azt 6:30-7:)0 (whihc is LATER than I REALLY should be getting up) and going all day!! It's like, I am rushing to get up, rushing to work, rushing to leave work at 5:00, rushing to get the boy before the 6:00 deadline (which if I leave just 10 minutes late... I may not make it!!), rushing to get dinner or cook, rushing to have him have SOME time with me or to play a game, look at a little tv and do some homework, rushing to feed him and get him ready for bed and rushing him off to bed.

I am AL.WAYS FUCKING RUSHHHHHHHING!!! I HATE.IT !!!!

My husband usually works late so during the week (except on Fridays) I usually have the duty after work until close to the time he is going to bed.

Then I have to wash clothes, clean up ( my husband does help with the cleaning of the kitchen which is great), but I am still rushing. I got so used to NOT rushing when I was off and honestly... I LOVED IT. But me staying home just ISN'T an option! And when do I have time to do the PLETHORA of things I WANT to do (i.e. reading a book ... can't remember the last time I did that!, my warm spirit business, my photography...just reading amd learning more on my own, or just sitting DOWN and watching a little tv)???

I can do it AFTER the boy goes to bed right??? NOT!!! I AM FUCKING TIREEEEEED!!!! I told ya'll, I am one of them people that NEEDS my 8-9 hours of sleep!! I can't be up until 1am just to "do my thing"..... I would NOT have a job because I would fall alseep EVERYDAY! (it's already bad enough that in meetings.... no matter HOW MUCH sleep I get.... after about 15 minutes.... I LITERALLY start to fall sleep. EVERY. TIME. It's terrible!! I'll be sitting there pinching myself, biting my finger and sometimes to NO AVAIL!! Sometimes I have to leace the fucking room and act like i Have to go to the bathroom! I HATE MEETINGS SO MUCH!!! LOL

Anyway.... I have more to be THANKFUL for...so I shall stop the complaining here!

Have a good day ya'll!

Dolemite

2008-10-21T09:52:00.004-05:00

LAWD!!!

I just heard that Dolemite has died. Read below:

(Oct. 20) - Comedic actor Rudy Ray Moore, best known to blaxploitation fans as kung fu pimp Dolemite, died Sunday at an Akron nursing home from complications of diabetes, according to media reports. He was 81. His death was first reported by EURweb.com, which was contacted by comedienne Luenell with the news and later confirmed by Moore's daughter.
Moore, born Rudolph Frank Moore, was known as the "king of the party records" and released several raunchy comedy albums in the 1960's and 1970's that were seen as more explicit than peers like Redd Foxx and Richard Pryor.
In 1975, he starred as the title character in "Dolemite," a low budget comedy romp about a rhyming pimp with a stable of karate-loving prostitutes. A sequel, "The Human Tornado," emerged a year later. The persona was developed during his comedy act and included the memorable line "rappin' and tappin' is my game!"
Moore's other acting credits include "Petey Wheatstraw" in 1978 and the blaxploitation film "Disco Godfather" in 1979. In later years Moore collaborated with 2 Live Crew and Snoop Dogg and in 2000 reprised his Dolemite character in the movie "Big Money Hustlas."
He is survived by a daughter, Yvette "Rusty" Wesson, who tells EURweb that funeral ceremonies will be held in Akron and in Spokane, Wash.

Dolemite will be missed and remembered by many that grew up in my era and those in generations past. He was a hilarious, raunchy , down and dirty PIMPTASTIC playa-play from the Himalaya's! And if you find the blaxploitation films funny like me, you will feel me on this!

RIP RUDY RAY MOORE!

LMBAO!!! THIS is funnnnnnny as hell!

2008-10-17T00:18:00.006-05:00

PLEASSSSSE lool at this that I found on YBF.com....

This ish is FALARIOUS!!! WOW...just wow people!

They just don't make em like THIS anymore

2008-10-11T12:21:00.004-05:00

My husband knows that if there is ONE Man that I would leave him for (not really baby,just jokes.... :-) ) Ahem.... It WOULD be MAXWELL!!!!

If you love the old soul sound mixed with a contemporary adult SWEXINESS.... you have found it. This man is an AR.TIST.... true soul through and through!

DAMN I wish I could go to the concert here in Detroit this coming weekend... but I am BROKE and them tickets are EXPENSIVE! I was lucky enough to see him ONE TIME close up (when he FIRST started) and I SWEAR he sounds and looks as good as he does on video---in person!

Take a look:

The Truth about the Politics of Our Time

2008-10-10T07:04:00.003-05:00

If you do nothing else....listen to THIS ...... If this dosn't say it ALL...... I don't know what does!!!

Click Here

Enjoy your weekdend.

Birthday Foundations

2008-10-07T13:20:00.004-05:00

My hubby's birthday is on Friday.... it marks his 30-something (i won't put out the number honey....) year of life! As you know my MIL is coming on Friday and even though my house is not a pigpen, I need to do some cleaning! Wouldn't it be nice to have a "cleaning fairy" (not one you have to pay..LOL) come in and ***whoosh*** the cleaning be done?????

Alas... that is not my reality here people. LOL

Moving on....

I forgot to post about part of my weekend. I went to a brunch that honored accomplished women in the law profession. It was given by an organization named the Rhonda Walker Foundation (www.rhondawalkerfoundation.org) and was held at one of Detroit's most delectable restaurants--Seldom Blues. It was a fundraiser that I was invited to attend ***FREE*** by a woman that I work with here and went to High School and College with who got our company to corporately sponsor the foundation and she had 4 seats to the event. The foundation, of which she is a board member, is a foundation that helps mentor young girls in their transition to becoming young women. They receive tutelege on poise, eloquence, manners, education, planning for the future, finance 101 as well as a wealth of experiential trips to places outside of the city that most of these inner city teens have never seen. Many haven't been outside of the 313 area code. Rhonda is a well known anchor-woman and is young and vibrant to boot. These girls really look up to her and I can honestly say that I think this is a wonderful organization.

In a world full of women trying to out-do each other in the "who's the skankiest" contest, this shines far and above many! The board of directors is as Rhonda puts it "a working board" and they help plan the activies, and most mentor as well.

I had a great time, the food was WONDERUL (www.seldomblues.com) and I actually met a lady that may be a Warm Spirit Customer! HOO-RAH!!! But the kicker? EVERYONE received a $100 gift certificate to a local jewlry store! Say what??? ya'll heard me..... it's time to get my shop on!

I didn't even reali

Can I do it all?

2008-10-06T09:47:00.003-05:00

Hello folks!

For the 1.5 peoplw who still read this, welcome.

Alot has happened since I last posted: I have become a Warm Spirit Consultant and I have gone back to work. I work for a global company now and it really seems like a good place, albeit as with any group, faults and all LOL

I do feel that this is an environment where I can grow and learn! I am learning so much about my field EVERYDAY. Some of this is intimidating though.... I will admit. I also got a LOVELY raise in pay from the last place to this one! THANK YA JESUS!!! I am making more than I was before I went to my last employer and THAT salary was a good one! LOL God is good.

But this was no cake-walk....can I tell ya'll that all total, I interviewed with to FOURTEEN PEOPLE before I got this job??? Let's see... the first set of interviews I intereviwed with 5 people, the 2nd round 4 people and the 3rd round another 5 people! JESUS! I was like if SOMEBODY doesn't give me a job..... I'mma have to get rowdy up in this piece! LOL

But....God is good.

I have to tell ya'll.... I got reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal comfortable in being at home being able to do what the HELL I wanted to do! So, since the time I started back to work (9/2) I am JUST now getting back into the swing of things! I mean, I wish I did not have to go to work because I LIKE not doing SHIT and being able to CHOOSE what I do and what I don't (yeah i know, no shit sherlock... EVERYBODY WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT!!!!! LOL) Having to get up in the am is a JOB. I am just getting BACK used to having to use all of my weekend time to just GET shit done!!! DAMMIT! I HATE THAT!

I am actually surprised that I was so "relaxed" with having no dang job. Oh yeah.... there was one caveat.... I wanted to be back to work by January. In my perfect world.... I woulda NOT been going back to work until January 2, not September 2 !!!! The difference this time that is different from last time I was laid off was that THIS time because I have another bit of income (Warm Spirit) AND I have more "unemployment protection" on my credit cards/student loans.... I was GRAVY! Even though I was not making 1/2 of what I was ....I was straight.... that just means I couldn't shop-shop like I used to! The last time my husband was threatening to take my son outta school because of sheer "we can't fuckin afford to keep his ass in there" ! But since then, he got a raise, i had a bit o extra income....so there was NO ISSUE this time!

I miss being at home watching tv.... being able to take care of the LITTLE SHIT that needs to be taken care of! Like this weekend.... we were busy as HELL! And my mother-in-law is coming this FRIDAY! And my husband's birthday is Friday! Sooooo I have to do allll the cleaning,etc AFTER I GET HOME this week!!! There's simply too much to do and I pretty much do it ALL!

Anywho.... I will post more later...gotta run to a meeting!

Hoepfulyl I can return to posting more often now! LOL

Pictures

2008-07-05T18:18:00.002-05:00

I went today to take engagement pictures for my girl and boy. It was such a nice day and juuuust hot enough to be kinda hot! The main thing was that there was SUN EVERYWHERE, making it hard for me to determine how much exposure their needed to be (shutter speed), what fstop it needed to be on, etc.

We started out at the downtown area, took pics at a few venues there, went to a local park (Belle Isle) and took some pictures in their conservatory there. But get this.... why did we walk in and the old chic at the desk was like "Are you all taking pictures in there?" (as was evident by my camera and tripod) and we were like "uh...yeah". She proceeded to tell us that we had to go the "administration" building to get "approval"..... and that it cost $100 to take pictures with PEOPLE in them. Dazed and confused we all just stared at her for about 30 seconds and then left. Well on the way to the car we started discussing this....and my boy who was spewing expletives (rightfully so in my mind) said " I would go back up in there, but I am too mad". So I said hold this (my tripod), I'll be right back. I went in and said "sooooo.... can we not take pictures in there at ALL???" she was like "no, you CAN take pictures of the flowers but just NOT with PEOPLE in it because THEN it's a photoshoot". I said " OOOH, well I wasn't taking pictures of THEM, I was taking pictures FOR THEM, not OF THEM"..... ***holding breath for reply**.... she was like "well Ok.... but I BETTA not see you taking pictures of anyone in there.... I will get up and check!"(she was an old woman with gray dreads). I said, "No ma'am... you can come with me if you like (knowing herr ass would be RIGHT there...after all, there was NO ONE else working with her and who woukd greet people as they came if she were up spying on our asses???!).

So we went in and got some good shots there. We got some pics against old brick and some other pretty cool shots around downtown Detroit. It was a good day. I was just as hot and tired as can be though after being pout from 9:30-2:00 taking pictures. I took more than 500 pics in all! yeah..... wow.... LOL

I haven't taken many "outdoor" sets and this was my first REAL one, so I am not sure if I am happy with my lack of technique or ability to think of new poses. Sometimes I just feel like I am not creative enough. I love cool angles, and photojournalistic work, but sometimes look at other people's work and go "will I ever get there???". I know that it is a journey and since I had stopped that journey, it may take me some time to get back into the swing...but I feel like a rusty bold right bowm tyring to polsih myself up. I want to be GREAT at being a creative photojournalist.

I think I got some good shots, but to me there is probably waaay more that I could have done, it simply didn't come to mind. I will keep striving though :-)

**insert the "are you looney look"***

We went a lil bit of everywhere and I was

I'm free

2008-06-21T20:54:00.010-05:00

Well.... in one way.

To all of the people who happen by (yea ALL THREE OF YOU...this one's for you Tam :-), I have been set free. I have been laid off AGAIN from the FUCKED UP COMPANY that has LITERALLY kept me from blogging (or the fear or being found out that is)...let me explain....

Abouot 2 1/2 months ago I vowed (mainly to Tam) to "blog more frequently". Not long after that my "boss" (a black woman mind you...we'll call her BAL... short for "bitch ass leader") came to me and told me that she had had a 360 degree review( that is a review that your subordinates do on YOU, their leader) and that some people felt that "there are some people who weren't doing as much as others and that she thought that "they were talking about me". Now, mind you, I DO my job, I have never had ONE BAD THING said about me to any of my superiors (as the "BAL" said to me)by ANY of the people that I service! NOT ONE! As a matter of fact, I had BUILT strategic relationships with the people I serve AND gained their trust AND aI knew what I am doing. I have been in HR for more than 11 years and I have worked hard to get here. I am knowledgeable and a good mix of easy-to-talk-to and "can-put-the-hammer-down-when-i-have-to". My BOSS (the company I used to wodk for HATES that word...they call people "leaders"...they hate it SO much that people will look at you like you have grown four horns and six tails if you use that word. Boss REALLY.IS.A.4.LETTER.WORD). The people I serviced said GOOD things to my boss and I know this because she has TOLD ME these things, and I can;t tell you how often I got a sincere thank you for ficxing some problem, coming up with some solution and I am sure she neveeeeeeer heard 1/2 of it. But I am not one to "boast and brag" and so towards the end....it would KILL me that all she was looking at were a bunch of numbers that would only indicate that someone was working HARDER, not smarter. Reas on.... that will be explained later....

>Basically that company has SO. MUCH . TECHNOLOGY at the drop of a HAT that they do not know what to do with themselves. So.... BAL decided to 1. check my internet usage 2. check the times I swiped in with my badge in the morning and 3. check my phone usage...... FOR A 2 FUCKING-MONTH PERIOD!!

And what did she find....guess....no go on.... guess.....

1. I was using the internet too much---as per the reports---which I have seen because since I was in HR, this is what "I" used to do to OTHER LEADERS...get their people's SHIT PULLED if their leader suspected anything!!Now as far as mine goes I would go on and off the internet all day. Looking up a random website, going on Ybf.com, going on Google, going to YouTube(hardly ever this one though) and other random news stories,etc. I personally think that it appeared to be too much because often times I would simply leave pages UP on the screen while I went to lunch to a meeting,etc. And here's the kicker...this environment is like a "advertising" environment. If you have no idea abotut what an environment like that is like...it's TOTALLY ATYPICAL CORPORATE! You can see people having "midday stress relief events" like throwing a football, playing a game, playing darts or whatever. The IT team actually BLOCKS people from going on Myspace and YouTube and Facebook-- except for me & my team because I was in HR and we were NEVER blocked from ANYTHING--- (this just lets you know how YOUNG the general population is there!) until 11:00am. Then people can go on there during their lunches. So the company would kinda ENCOURAGE them to go to these sites during the hours of 11:00-2:00pm. I say this to also say that there are TV's posted in EVERY AREA (meaning every 100 feet or so, there is a flat screen TV) that is usually turned to CNN news or something, but in the break rooms there are BIG ASS TV's ----- with cable mind you----up in there for people to watch! So, I say all of this as a background.... MOST people in this company were on and off the fuckin INTERNET allllll dayum day! In fact I hope her ass checked OTHER people's shit because I GUARANTEE YOU that their shit may look excessive too! And she KNEW this.

Sidebar:
So why was she fucking with me? Me & her got off to a Rocky start last year. When I came to her team it was because all of my dept was "temporarily displaced---yeah right!) to other teams. I came from the Recruiting team. Well, when I started, I was "technically" still under "boss diva" and working for BAL. So...all I was given was MUNDANE, RETARTED ASS DATA entry shit to do! I Was not USED to sitting at a desk doing shit that was that repetitive and that boring, so I would often go 100 feet over to my OLD team and chat with them. She didm't like that. She said that I was talking too much and told my OLD leader (boss diva) that I seemed "unengaged". First of all you heartless, non-sympathetic BITCH... how CAN I seem "engaged" when you have given me DATA ENTRY SHIT to do for 3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!! AND I am on edge (as was ALL of the HR dept---of which there were about 60 people) that we are not even going to HAVE A JOB in the next week!! How can be engaged in that shit????!! After I found out that my recruiting job was NOT coming back, I was lucky enough that BAL somehow liked me enough to STAY on her team. But we kept having "small" issues here and there. Top that off with the fact that because she was SOOOOO busy, once I learned the policies and procedures I hardly EVER caleld her for anything. She didn;t like that I felt that it was BULLSHIT that she was always making a comment "Sometimes you just go 'dark' on me and I don't hear from you....".

**insert stank ass look****

Here's my thing: 1/2 the time when I NEEDED her bitch ass she was "unreachable". the other times, I KNOW.WHAT.I.AM.DOING. Period. And I DON'T NEED YOU. It's not anything AGAINST your ass, but I have been in HR long enough to know MOST things that I was faced with. When I didn't know, I asked. But for real. If I called her at 10:00 in the AM because a leader wanted to fire someone, her ass may not get back with me until 4:45 (that was her fucking trademark and I SWEAR she did it to IRRITATE ME because she KNEW that I LITERALLY needed to leave at 5:00 on the DOT --no later than 5:10 to GET my son by 6:00 because of the distance away that I was from my son's school. Don't call me at 4:45 and want to have a complex conversation about shit bitch! But see...here was the other thing. The "company's" general start and end times were 9:00-6:00. As a rule that was what 98% of people worked. When I came IN I told Boss Diva that I HAD TO work 8:00-5:00 because I had to get my son. I say this to say that because mostly the WHOLE company worked a different shift, people really were insensitive to me having to leave and I felt like I was "cheating" the system (and felt guilty as SHIT when I really should not have)when everyone else had to stay and work when I had to say "ummm..... I have to go....". I think that this was part of what started the "I'm not sure is she is pulling her weight" theory. Top this off with the fact that except for her GROWN ass kids BAL had--meaning they could FEND for themselves---NO ONE else on my team of 10 people hade kids!!! So they had no REAL sympathy either.FOr those of you withoiut kids... you THINK you may have sympathy but you don't. Trust me. When you have a small child, your life and constraints are COMPLETELY different! And though BAL had gone through this, it was OBVIOUSLY too long ago to be remembered as her kids were 22 and 16

2. I was NOT coming in on time. Now this one I admit to. I am terrible with time especially if there is no one watching my ass. I have ALOT to do (just like everyone else...i know) in the morning and getting a 3 now 4 year old up and out the house, so yes I took advantage of the fact that my boss literally NEVER came to the location I worked out of ( lemme explain: all of the HR people that did my job worked in different buildings for the most part and hardly EVER got a chance to see each other. This also begs the question WHY IN THE FUCK DID SOMEONE FEEEEEL THAT MY ASS DIDN'T HAVE SHIT TO DO????? ASSES! They weren't even THERE with me!) So, my start time was 8:00...I was getting there at 9:00-9:30 . The only thing is that I basically NEVER took a lunch (at least that was the 1/2-assed justification I gave when confronted because I had alllllready been prepared for "what if she says some shit about that". But, because I have to leave at 5:00 on the DOT to pick up my son because myu husband literally CAN'T, her thing was "well.... you aren't even working a FULL EIGHT HOURS a day". What could I say? Nothing. And yes I was mad as fire at this point, but let me finish..

3.I was on the phone too much too. YUP! Alot of my shit that I had to do on any given day was clerical....hell it's the nature of HR..... documentation is our middle NAME. Well.... I CAN do work and be on the phone at the same time. So I did. My girl who worked at mind-numbing place and I would chat for at LEAST 2 hours total each day. Sometimes less, sometimes more. Hell there were slow days what can I say?

BUT....

This is NOT why I was let go (at least not the full reason, but I am pretty sure that this discovery of information made me the LEAST desireable candidate to KEEP when the downsizing issue came up (and BAL had the NERVE to say when she separated me "this had nothing to do with your performance or anything...it was based on the needs of the company...blahdy-fucking-blah).

Whatever bitch.

Sooooo this brings us to why I haven;t been blogging. Her ass let me know that I must
#1 Reduce the amount of personal phone calls (Check! Got an umlimited calling plan on my cell and STILL talked at work, cuz I had an office..NEXT!)

#2Reduce the amount of internet usage (yeah ok waynch, but if you pull ALL THESE OTHER MUTHAFUCKA'S SHIT... I GUARANTEE YOU that their asses are on the internet ALL DAY TOO! As a matter-of-fucking-fact, I told a couple of people who do EXACTLY what I do about what went down and they were like "hell ,I hope she doesn't check MY SHIT...cuz, I have my internet up ALL DAY too!". You don't know HOW BAD I wanted to tell her ass that shit!)

And #3 You need to adhere to an 8-5 schedule (I tried, but I was usually there at 8:10-8:20..... I swear I tried...).

So, there it is. And check this out: one of my girls (black girl) who was a manager on the team I supported hipped me to the plan 2 days before it happened. I am SOOOO thankful to her that she was able to tell me this shit BEFORE it went down, because guess what? I called my ass in on the DAY BEFORE it was supposed to go down(a Thursday) and had the NEXT day scheduled off already for my son's birthday weekend! Because you don't GET paid out for sick time and I had 4 days left, so I said FUCK THEM! I ain't working ANOTHA fucking minute for them bastids!

My thing was "hell... they gon have to fire me on MONDAY!!!!" :-)

Ummmm, yeah ok..... so then I talked to my OTHER girl and she was like "i just got let go and such-and-such just got let go BY PHONE" (i had noooo idea who was getting let go because apparently "I" was one of em!")

BY PHONE???????????? WTF????????????????

Sure enough BAL called my house later that day and I played sick to the HILT because I didn't want to have her think that I was faking being sick and NOT get paid for that day.... they do have that right ya know...... So this bitch left a message and I really started not to call her back, but I said "fuck it...why delay the inevitable". I called and got separated BY FUCKING PHONE too!

So, I am looking for a job---again---- in the state with THE WORST unemployment in the country...and trying not to get depressed. For real. The last time I was SO STRESSED the WHOLE 2 1/2 months I was off that I could not enjoy not ONE DAY! Not until I found out I had a job and by then I only had like 3 days or so before I had to start,so of all that time off, I enjoyed (i.e was at peace) for 3 days.

But do you know what is funny? When I found out THIS TIME, I felt a strong feeling of RELIEF. I really grew to hate that company and how they did business. They were plain and simple running it like a "good ole boys" network and I hated that. Whoever made the company the MOST money could PRETTY much get away with doggin people, talking to them like they were SHIT and would HAVE A JOB! WHy? Because they were making the company money. Plain and simple. That is NOT the way business should be run! For real! I will not put their name out there but let's just say.........they are a giant in the WORST INDUSTRY AROUND THESE DAYS in this economy, so I'll let YA'LL figure that out! And they flat OUT treat their "worker bees" like SHIT! They do this because the company has a very YOUNG dynamic and a very unmarried, no kid-having population. So, the company takes advantage of the " you ain't got shit to do" mentality.

After all the shit above happened, I was MORE than ready to leave....I have been applying for the past 4-5 months (sporadically, though) and have JUST gotten one call and that was through a kinda "hook up". I have an interview next week and in the meantime I have started to participate in Warm Spirit. If you've never heard of it, go to www.joinwarmspiritnow.com and take a look. It is an all natural whole-body products company that promotes wellness and healthy living through it's products. (also, let me know if you see something you like... I can order it for you and probably get you a free gift!)

I am also going to try to focus on my photography. While I want another job, part of me just wants to stay home and work on my photography and be a Warm Spirit Consultant.

So... wish me luck.... and I WILL be posting more now because I am FREE from my bondage!

In the words of Run DMC.... "dere it is....."

Heeeeeeey!

2008-05-13T11:56:00.002-05:00

Well... I must say that since I last wrote, I signed my baby up for golf lessons (and will be getting him some baby...albeit "real" golf clubs), willbe signing him up for T-Ball and had a relaxing mother's day :-)

I didn't do JACK on Mother's Day and that was fine with me!!! I actually had to work (grrrrrrr!!!) on Saturday so I just wanted to relax and have a steak on the grill and that's just what I did! And even though it rained like HELL on Mother's Day... alllllllllll day.... my husband still cooked on the grill for me :-)

Nothing better than that!

Last Lecture

2008-04-12T16:49:00.006-05:00

Hey, have you ever thought about if you were dying what you would do or what you would say? Well, I came across this guy (and apprently I am one of THE LAST people on earth to have even have HEARD of him) and this is his reality. I haven't looked at hte WHOLE video (76 minutes) that he did at Carnegie Mellon U., but I have viewed part of it and this excerpt from when he was on Oprah.

This man has made me look at things for what they are. He has brought more clarity to everyday and living everyday ....(as corny and cliche as it is) like it is your last. How do you treat yourself and your family? Do you spend at least SOME time each day just ENJOY.ING yourself???? I know I tend not to. I tend to go about my day, doing for my family, day-in-day-out..... life becomes a routine. But I am going to take at least a minute piece of my day to just "enjoy"...because life really is a gift...... and we will ALL be at the place one day where we will think about our own mortality and if we are blessed enough to live to an old age, hopefully we will be able to look back on a life full of pride, happiness and fun!!!!

I am going to try to treasure EVERY day in SOME way, because I do not want to look back and have regret and unhappiness in my own piece of black history. Best said : Life is for the LIVING! Get busy living or get busy dying!

So, what's important to you ......?

Taka a look at Randy Pausch's idea on this. FYI....this is almost 10 minutes, but it's worth it.

Hall Monitor

2008-04-09T13:01:00.006-05:00

So, we have the ability to wear jeans to work and most people take advantage of this quite often. There is this woman who is a VP of "something-or-other" and who used to be one of the people if anyone asked about her I would have (notice the past tense) said "Oh, such-and-such? She's reeeally nice". Well no more.

Such-and-such flipped the heck out on me one time last year sometime when I was her designated recruiter. I made a mistake which I ended up fixing with NO consequences in the end and she went BALLISTIC on me over something fixable and to me, then acted "not as friendly" ever since. You have ONE TIME to treat me like THAT and you never will again....cuz I FO'SHO got'cho dayum numba!

So, back to the jeans. One day I was up at the front (which I RARE.LY am) talking to the 2 receptionists (both of whom are black) about something or other. Well, the front desk is a kind of semi-circle and I was directly in front. So Stankalita comes and is like " Oh you know you are NOT supposed to be in FRONT of this desk with jeans on..... "the president" has only allowed us to wear them with the caveat that if you need to ask the receptionist(s) anything, you stand over on the end of the semi circle (thereby hiding your lower half)". So, my response was "are you serious?" because I had NEEEEEEEEVER heard of ANY nonsense like THAT!! She gave me a dry -ass look and was like "yes I am serious..... if "the preseident" came up here and saw you standing here (or anyone else) he would not be happy.... we only are able to wear jeans on anyday with that caveat because we do not want clients to see us in jeans".

I proceeded to have a look of you have got to be FUCKING kidding me!" on my face as I looked her square in her face and she was looking like "yes BITCH I am serious!" I was like "oooo k..... I had never heard that so that is news to me."

That was months ago when the above happened.

So, fast forward...in talking to the receptionists, they always tell me about how she walks around like a flippin 10th's grade hall monitor to see if someone is "wearing jeans at the desk" and will go OFF on her tirade in a DEFINITELY shitty way if she see's someone in violation of code 3957493, section b" a.k.a. the DUMB ASS SHIT section.

****insert blank look and rolled eyes****.

And interestingly enough when her "fellow" VP's or her lil sr. leadership buds come up there with jeans on,ohhhhhhhhhhhh she has nothing to say, but when one of "us" comes up and she CATCHES the person, she reads them teh flippin riot act.

So fast forward to last week. I was at the desk, 2 inches away from the 6-inch wide panel that you are supposed to "hide behind" if you are wearing jeans and supoosedly where clients can't see you and she comes past the glass doors and sees me. This bitch comes in and proceeds to go off saying " You know... you are supposed to be BEHIND the desk when you have on jeans and if this happens again, you are gonna make EVERYONE lose their priveleges, because if the "president" gets word of this he will revoke everybody;s privelege and how would that look.... the HR person got EVERYONE's privelege revoked.....blah, blah, blah". I looked at her and kept talking while she was talkig and said "well me and "the president" have alot of love and we are on good terms ... he wouldn't revoke my privelge...don;t even worry about it" (now, I am BOIL.ING inside because if I had said what I REALLY wanted to say, we'da been in "the president's" office in 5 minutes!! So... instead I just kept talking over her ass). So don't you know this bitch had the nerve to say "Not when I get through with him... hee hee hee".

***record scratching***

I said "EXCUSE ME?????".... "like I said, don;t worry about it, I was BARELY in sight and inches away from the "designated spot".... I am SURE "the president" would NOT be that assanine as to really revoke people's priveledge over that.... so do't you worry about it". What I really wanted to say was WHO THE FUCK DIED and made you "JEANS ENFORCER"?????? I mean, give me a dayum BREAK lady!!! If you wanted children you shoulda BIRTHED them because I am not the one! (she has no kids and is 55'ish...just her and her old ass husband)

I wish this trick WOULD take me to the "principal's" office because I would be like "what kinda of childish, tattle-telling mess is she on???? I am a grown woman and she is absolutely REDICULOUS with this monitoring that she does!" She would see a whooooole other side of me if it ever got to that point AND I would bring up the fact that there have been SEVERAL times where HER ass has not been abiding by her OWN code of conduct! Most recently last week where she stood her behind in between the two receptionists in PLAIN view to ANY client with a basketball jersey and jeans on to talk about some gi-nomous diamond her husband had just bought her . What-the-fuck-ever lady.... let ME catch your ass ..... she betta been lucky I DIDN'T see her!!

But really,why am I even having to write this damn blog??? this is some CHILD.ISH mess! This is why I need a drink or three after leaving this place!

More on that tomorrow..... back to posting more often people!

Back

2008-03-24T11:06:00.005-05:00

Hey all, since I last posted I went and came back from Atlanta for my husband's grandmother's 80th birthday celebration. It was supposed to be a surprise but his cousin's daughter Lea (age 4 7/8), told her the birthday girl, "GiGi, Tee went to the store to get decorations for your party ...she didn't go to the grocery store".

And there went the surprise! LOL

Here are a few pics:

Cousins having fun!

Fun times in his cousin's Bouncy thing

Me & my husband at the party.

We had a good time and can I just say that I REEEEALLLY wanted to move there more than ever this time I went???? There are several reasons for this statement. One, it was like 70-75 degrees in Mid-March and we won;t see that ish until AT LEAST the beginning of June with any regularity (probably like the MIDDLE of June to be exact....). Number 2, if you all have been reading this stuff for awhile, you all know that though I have family here (albeit a small family, I have an older brother, sister and one niece and one nephew...nope...no aunts and no uncles) here. But it is almost IMPOSSIBLE for us to "coordinate" with them to take our son off our hands and watch him if we want to do anything! It is the most frustrating thing about having a small family and not being near my husband's family, bar none. The one person who WOULD do it is my niece, but she is sooooooo tied up into her husband's family and their goings-on, that either she is too busy, she's also in grad school, or spending time with her husband. I damn sure can't blame her, and this is MY child, but what happened to "it takes a village...." cause my village is non-existent. For real. And I feel that stress and my marriage oftimes feels that stress of NEVER really being able to go out or do things with each other because we don't have someone to watch out son. So......the fact still remains that I can't rely on my family for help..... hardly ever..... and it's hard to get that outlet.

And before you all ask..... I had (notice i say "had") a babysitter 3 doors down, but her family MOVED and pretty much everyone else on our street is a teenage male (not feeling THAT demographic for a babysitter....sorry if that's sexist, but **shrug** oh freakin well...) or they are too young. I do not know other "teens" in the neighborhood that babysit either. And as you know, my mother lives in Florida and my husband's mother lives in Georgia. But the saving grace has been Melvin's and my girl( Diva's families. The problem there is that we cannot "ask all the time" or as my mother used to say "wear out your welcome" like you might try to do with your OWN family :-) Also, the people that will sometimes keep OUR son, may need to keep my girl and HER huaband's son (my Godson) who is about to turn 2! So, that also limits us, after all, they are "like family" ...but they are NOT our family and whatever way you slice it....there IS a damn difference! Feel me??

Can I just say that it was soooo effortless for my husband's cousin to take my son and keep him at her house, and trust, this was not JUST because we were only there for a few days.... this is just how it would be! My husband has a whoooooole lotta people that we could have keep our son! I mean, I can't even lie.... that alone makes me want to move down there! He gets to play with his cousins (who are his age, of which there are NONE up here in my family) and Mommy and Daddy get some "parent-time" and probably some of our own individual "me-time" back without one or the other solely having the little one.

Don't get me wrong, it was OUR choice to have a baby and it is OUR son. So, I am not trying to say I want to shirk my parental duties in ANY way. But everyone needs time...... and needs it more than once a year. Do you know that our son has NEVER spent the night away from us EXCEPT for when my mother came up here and we went to Chicago 3 years ago???? Uh...yeah. We haven't been on a vacation since. Because there is always "that issue" of "well.... who could he stay with for 3-7 days if we go somewhere????????" It's just a logistical nightmare and financially expensive undertaking JUST for us to "go on a trip"...... feel me????

So with that said..... I yearn for that kinda of support and those of you who have it... have NO.IDEA. how lucky you are. Trust me... you are very lucky because not having extra support does take it's toll.....

***DIVA THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU BECUASE YOU REMIND ME ALL THE TIME THAT YOU ARE VERY THANKFUL TO HAVE YO PEOPLE!!! LOL ***

Carving out time for yourself is tough and though I'd miss my friends dearly, if my husband would be up for moving (which, because he likes the stability of his position where he works and the fact that we would have a hard as HELL time selling this house in this f'ed up market), I'd be all over it.....becuase it is no JOKE not having people around to help... for real.....Truth be told, in a perfect world, I would just be able to have the help I need HERE and not move, but that isn't reality and the help would be worth it to move. My husband agrees that the help would be worth it, but we'd have to find jobs,etc. and not just any job, the RIGHT.ONES that would allow us to pay bills and maitain a lifestyle, feel me??

So, who knows, maybe one day we will.....

I've been duped!

2008-03-08T08:11:00.004-05:00

Well, if any of you are fans of "The Wire" and have a cable provider that provides OnDemand (where you can basically view certain movies/programs ----on demand), you may feel me on this...

For the ENTIRE last season of "The Wire" (which I am about to shed a tear about it being the last season...btw...)because we have OnDemand through Comcast cable, we were able to watch EVERY episode a WEEK EARLY, starting the Monday BEFORE the Sunday that it airs! So me and my husband have been like CRACKHEADS every Monday night always watching The Wire after the little one is asleep, right?

This week heralds the end. of . The. Wire..... **head hanging low**. Folks have been killed off that I NEVER thought would (Prop Joe and Omar to name the biggest of the two) and I really wish this wasn't ending. The Finale was to come on this Sunday, March 9.... soooooo.... as is customary with me, we went to On Demand to get the Finale EARLY and saw this:

If you watch The Wire you know why this is so funny.....because EVERY time this man says this I just crack the hell up! He's a african's african...... that's what I call him and me and my husband just sat there with our mouths open and let out a big ass laugh.... they got us... they got us.... I couldn't even REALLY be mad cuz our DUMB ASSES shoulda known they wasn't gon let us see "THE . FINALE" early!!!! LOL

Definitely duped! LOL

Reunion

2008-03-04T10:12:00.007-05:00

My 20 YEAR high school reunion is this year (come on Shai... you comin?) :-)

And I am like "damn.. I need to lose ~~some~~ A WHOLE LOT of weight! I was never Ms. Skinny but damn if I haven't gained a NICE amount since high school! I want to be cute at the reuinion, I want the people I went to high school with to be like DAMN she looks good!! (isn't that what EVERYBODY wants????) I need to have a 1969 type of reunion!!!I think this is just the motivation I need,.... I hope.....

My problem is.... motivation..... I typically get so amped and then lose steam. Problem now is that I can't get up some motivation to save my life!!! I have a treadmill, and the ONLY time that it is feasable for me to do the tread is in the a.m..... but I swear.... motivation..... that bitch is elusive as HELL cause I SWEAR I can't find her ass! I say "imagine how GOOD you will look (and feel, no less)",....motivation still eludes me.... I say "you will be BETTER than you were in high school if you go ahead and start NOW".... motivation turns her head and runs out the door. I say " GET IN HERE NOOOOOOOOWWWW"....motivation looks at me and laughs a hearty loud laugh.

DAMN her ass. I swear my bed pulls me INTO it in the am, thereby causing me to miss motivation when she does show up at 5:45am. By the time my bed releases me....her ass is gone. Time is not on my side... the reunion weekend is August 15-17th. That's only SIX months! That may seem like a long time to ya'll but when you want to REALLY lose a nice amount of weight...that ain't shit!!!

I think I'm gonna kidnap her....that is the only way.

School days

2008-02-27T19:29:00.004-05:00

So, I am thinking about going back to school ya'll... I have thought about this on and off for a while now. WHen I graduated from undergrad, I was so happy to be DONE with school that I damn near ran out of my last final screaming and tearing off my clothes! LOL I didn't want to see a homework list/group meeting request/textbook for a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time. For real. I mean come on.... 20 years (minus the 3 years of my infancy) is a LONNNNNG time to be in school....I was ready....stick my ass with a fork, I was DO.NE!

Needless to say I am not one that just lovvvvvvvves to study and do work...and my gpa reflected that mess too. Though I have always known the benefit and importance of education, I have never been the most er...uh...studious. I know that I must bring the thunder in grad school though. There IS no place for slacking, half-assing and bullshitting....which was a big part of my PREVIOUS ways.

Life has taught me much and one of those things is that (through other people's stories too) is that you MUST get at least a 3.0 in grad school. That scares me. Why? Because I was never MADE to get all A's ....my mother has a master's degree, but she was never ON ME-ON ME or SUPER-PISSED-I'mma-take-everything-away-from-you type of mad when i brought home a C. I do not blame her, but I was lazy and her not jumping all over me combined with that was not a good combination.

I have no time to be lazy now. I have too much to juggle now. Family, child and work. I must be diligent and organized with my studying,et al. I am looking forward to going back though I know it will be alot of work. Someone once told me that "what is the difference between now and 3 years from now?" The answer? If you start going to school TODAY, you will have your degree. In the other scenario, if you do not start school, you won't...you'll; be at exactly the same point you were at 3 years prior. I have known this for awhile and just have never "done it". But there have been a multitude of factors that caused that too.

Anyway...in today's competitive market, I am finding that even with a MASTER's sometines it is STILL rediculously hard (especially in the most miserable city in america which has the 2nd HIGHEST unemployment rate) to find a job that 11-teen-hun'ned people aren't also vieing for. So...not only will an additional degree increase my KNOWLEDGE, but hopefully it will help me with the motivation for this whole thing...MORE MONEY PEOPLE!!!!!!! LOL

The other thing that motivated me this week was that in my department, I watched as a 27-year old administrative assitant (white of course) in another city was put into the position that I hold, given a $9,000 increase and is only $2,000 LESS than me in Salary..... why am I so mad about this??? Because she has not ONE.FUCKING.STITCH of Human Resources experience!!!!! This bitch works with the team that she will be responsible for supporting currently and this is how they "excused" the teensy-little-elephant-in-the-room called this BITCH HAS NO EXPERIENCE DOING WHAT THE FUCK WE DO! ANd I am supposed to sit here like the damn Chesshire Cat and smile at this shit right???? HELL NO! That is some bullshit! This bitch was previously an admin and a campaign helper (per her resume) and she is doing what me, who has 11 years of experience in MANY areas of HR (including 7 in management) and will be making a measly $2k LESS THAN ME?????? Fuck that! I need to diversify and edify myself. I gotta get the FUCK out of here! This is the very shit that makes people feel unappreciated and not like doing ONE.DAMN.THING.EXTRA for a company!!!! I will NOT be going above and beyond for these assholes! NOPE! This grand announcement was made a couple weeks ago and I am STILL pissed about it! Can't you tell?

So I need to get on the ball because these "others" are winning at MY game and I need to even (even a little) the playing field!

Game on!

I applied to one place today and I am meeting with another advisor in a week or so.... keep ya finda's crossed!!!

V-Day doesn't have to equal D-Day!

2008-02-15T08:58:00.004-05:00

Hey all!!!

So, yesterday was The BIG V-DAY! I know that there are plenty of women who were feeling down because of the fact that they were not with someone. At periods in my life, I was that woman.

The fact of the matter is that it is O.K. if you like the cards and flowers and candy! It is O.K. of you love the fact that everyone at work sees that you got some flowers, but it is also O.K. if you don;t have anyone to love but you. It took me a long time to realize that. A long time.

I still like all the "commercialized things" that come with this and other days (i.e sweetest day...it's a midwest thing for all of ya'll that DON'T know... :-)) but if all me & my husband do is wish each other a "Happy Valentine's Day" or a "Happy Sweetest Day" , that is good with me too :-) (now.....don't talk about birthdays... that's a whole other situation! LOL)

Anyway as a sidebar, in a related post I read, there were some things that REALLY made some sense to me....These are quotes from Funky Fresh's page regarding his thoughts on V-day. In terms of those of us in relationships, this day can have a variety of meanings , but I think that the following sentiment applies to everyday life when it comes to those in relationships, not just for this day:

I used to be a “I don’t celebrate” the day type of dude. But the older I got, the more I realized that if a card, a gift, a romantic dinner, flowers, whatever, makes her happy, then I’m doing it. It may not be a big deal for me, but it’s a big deal for her and since she’s with me, it’s a big deal for me.

And this, my friends is the way it should frickin be! If it is a big deal to ME (or vice versa) it should be a big deal to my huaband/boyfriend, etc. Why can't more men be like that??? Maybe it's not in their DNA! Take my husband for example, it took him a minute to understand and take it seriously that I feel VERY strongly about my birthday and Christmas!!! (however commercialized those days may be....whatever, it's my feelings that count!) But he finally got it! I just think that if the man gives a damn, YOUR FEELINGS will matter and if they don't....people there is a problem in Zamunda..... LOL

Another of Fresh's thoughts on love......

Third, some of you are with someone right now who you are trying to figure out. You have all of these needs and wants. You want love but you don’t feel like you’re getting it. For one thing, make sure you’re not in love with the concept of love. Be in love with the value of love.

I like this one too. When you are young you think you know what love it, but you haven't EXPERIENCED all of the facets of love until you come to that place where you just know that you know. I know that I am much more sure of love and it's place in my life, but I have also learned to love myself more.

Feel me?

What a Blast!/Jobs

2008-02-12T11:27:00.005-05:00

In Detroit, we have this now yearly event called the
"Winter Blast" where there is Ice Skating, a giant Snow slide and all kinds of family events. So... we go to the Winter Blast and this lil boy wanted (of all things) a snow cone! LOL

He also wanted Mommmy to eat it with him.

Anyway, we went to the winted blast on Sat. and it was COLD as hell AND raining (you know black women don't fuck wit the rain right????) and I had to wear a hat earlier in the day when it was raining that was making me sweat out my ***JUST-DONE-THE-DAY-BEFORE*** hair) grrrr.......

So, why was my child HELL bent on "ice skating" and got on the ice and IMMEDIATELY fell?! He was like " I'm ain't going back" LOL Well, here is the issue.. neither Mommy NOR Daddy can Ice skate, so that was the END of our adventures in Ice Skating! LOL We'llhave to do better next year.

So, on to the Ice Slide... Mommy took pictures and daddy and the boy went on that too!

And then we had to be made into Spiderman.......

After that it was a wrap! Time for all to go home a relax a bit since we'd been in the COLD for 4 hours by this point! LOL

Fun times with the family! :-)

Job Update

So you know I am still looking for another job. How about I went to an interview for a Dir. of Admissions for a computer training group in the city where I live(so convenient!) and this muthafucka said " the hours of work are 10-8pm Mon through Thurs. (his ass coulda stopped RIGHT.THERE) and 10-4 on Friday with every other saturday for 4 hours. WTF????????? And these idiot's are not paying a great base and of COURSE there is a "sales" component to it..... I zoned completely out of the rest of the FIFTEEN MINUTE (that's how long everyone's preliminary interviews were) after he satarted talking that mess about a 10-8pm schedule! even if I WANTED to, I couldn't do that shit! I wanted to slap the man and tell him WHY IN THE HELL didn't you put this ish on the website so that people wouldn't even WASTE their time interviewing when the damn hours of the job are so out of the norm???? They are stupid!

So..... the search continues.....

Blessings come down when prayers go up!

2008-02-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

Sooooo… dreams really do come true!!!

I could pretty much CANCEL my last post because my girl TooSerious called our old hair stylist to find that she is RETURNING TO DOING HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soooooo excited that I can’t even SPEAK!!!!

She said when she called our old stylist that she said that she was coming back to part-time (which was what she was doing anyway) and that she will be coming back in a month or so!

I cannot even TELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL ya’ll how geeked I am!!!!! I am just waiting to hear it from her own mouth too (I have already left a voice message for her )!! LOL

But I am taking this as the gospel and solidifying my SPOT already! 5:30 baby!!! Every Friday!

WOOO HOO!!!

And I will leave you with this: ……..God does answer prayers :-)

Picture day!

2008-01-28T09:56:00.000-05:00

So I attended my first wedding as a "photographic assistant", and boy can I tell ya! Photographers work their BUTTS off (well the good ones do). I mean the two guys that I was shadowing take between 2,500 and 3,000 pictures between the two of them! WOW! I mean, they take alot of pictures and then edit quite a few of them

The only bad part of this day was that I had to "ask on the fly" when they could sneak in a second or 10...literally! But I was able to get a better idea of what they do. That is a good thing :-) So, this is the first step. Next comes me getting serious about learning the "photoshop tutorials" that I have had for LITERLLY a year or so and then going to my mentors house and watching him and sitting with him as he edits some pictures ! YEA!!!

Computer
So... I finally got my computer after much drama.... Where to begin..... I had the perrrfect monitor picked out (that was not coming from Dell) and it was at Best Buy. So, I go online 3 days before I was goign to get it and it waxs available in 4 locations. I go in the DAY before I was to get the computer and the monitor was not available in not ONE STORE in the Detroit Metropolitan area! Can you say pissed? Because THAT meant I would have to ORDER it and WAIT for it.

**sidenote** when it comes to getting something that I reeeeally am looking forward to, there had better not be ONE thing standing in my way or I will be all jacked up!

So... I order it and THANKFULLY it came the day BEFORE the computer. On to the computer...FedEx SUCKS! I fought with THESE muthascratchers because since I was not at home for the 1st attempt (when we waited alllllllllllllll day on Satruday until 4:00 and their asses came at 5:30!!!!!!) I wanted the package to be held. Now.... there is a Fed Ex Express location that is 2 miles from my house. No prob, so I call the Fed Ex number and they tell me that it CANNOT be held there because the Fed Ex EXPRESS is as different from the Fed Ex **Home Delivery** system as DHL is from UPS. WTF?????? Soooo... this meant that they told me that i had to go 15 miles from my house (inconveniencing me, though I PAID for delivery of this item AND there is Some type-a Fed Ex location RIGHT aroudn the corner!!!!) to a WAREHOUSE location and that I had to go during their "pick up hours"!!! WTF???? am I the customer or a delivery person???????????????

Anyway... I got my lovely computer and went to go load stuff on it. Now, I don;t know if you all have heard but there are MANNNY problems with the New Microsoft Vista. **raising hand** I have one ALREADY! I believe that I have narrowed it down (via going on chat forums,etc) to the fact that when I loaded my MICROSOFT Zune software on, it is CLASHING with something in this damn computer and is causing my system to NOT be able to go into "sleep" or "hibernate" mode (you know how your screen will go blan eventually when you haven't used it in ahile??? Well, at this point mine won;t do that. I do NOT want to DELETE my Zune software because I NEED IT to be able to use my Zune and get monthly updates that allow me to listen to my music at ALL on my Zune!

***SIGH*** I am frustrated already.So, I have just been turning my monitor off when I am done until I can get up the energy to seek out a solution.

But riddle me this.... WHY IN THE HELL is MICROSOFT Zune software incompatible with MICROSOFT Vista?????? I swear if I could SLAP Bill Gates for THIS screw-up I would! GRRRR........

Anyway.... other than THAT, the computer's speed is PHENOMENAL!!! I am sooooo impressed with it! I LOVE IT!!!! I got my heater (check!) so that I am not so cold in the basement, I have my cable hooked back up to the tv (check!) so that I can watch at least the basic cable stations, I have most of my software loaded back onto the computer (check!)and I have my desk set up (check!)

I am ready to go!

Hairstylists
Me and my girl Diva have long lamented the exodus of our beloved hairstylist to the realm of "stay-at-home-mommyhood". Well, I swear Friday reached an all-time frustration. I was soooo "calmly-frustrated" and by that I mean...ahve you ever been sooooooo upset about something that you simply have no energy or recourse other than to "be still" and calm? Well, that is how I was on Friday.

I still have not found (after 7 months of trying **new stylists***) someone who #1. I can get a standing appointment with for a time when I can come on a Thursday or a Friday. So, I still alternate every other week with a different stylist.

Well, my FAVORITE of the two and I have had our differences , namely that she REFUSED to give me some color! So, I went and got it from another (actually a 3rd) stylist. There is NO reason that shd should not have given me color and to me, she is one of those "don;t tell me how to do hair because I HAVE the cosmetology license" kinda people. **sigh**. Let's top this off with the fact that she is sloooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Why did I call on Friday to get an early appt and she told me I could come at 4:00pm. Cool! that means I will be getting out earlier, right?! So I go to the shop. Why was there a client who APPARENTLY had JUST SAT down in her chair 1 minute BEFORE I got there(why would you tell me to come at the SAME time as someone else????????). I sat there for a SOLID hour before my head was even TOUCHED whiel she permed and put a color rinse in rhis chick's hair AND blow dryed it (she does not have an assistant)! I was pissed! I ended up being there for 3 1/2 hours and there was only ONE PERSON IN FRONT OF ME!!!!!!!! I was so angry.

I told her about herself too when she FINALLY took me in the back to wash me. I said (in a joking way) "Girl you coulda just told me to come at 5:00!!! If I had have known I was gonan have to wait!!!!". She said "I was JUST abotu to apologize for that". (there was another stylist who's station is right next to my stylists back there at the time) and so my stylist says (to the other stylist, but halfway to me) " our clients just be dogggggin' us... we don;t want them to be sitting here all day...it's not intentional.... April did you see how Robyn just "went off" on me..... I'm sensitive". And I believe she is serious! But I have NO TIME for your "sensitivities" when I am paying you MY HARD EARNED cash! And then she had the NERVE to "jokingly" say "wellllll.... I COULDA just had you come atc'ho REGULAR time (5:30)!!!" WTF????? I was taken aback!!! I said back " Yup! You sho'll could have and I coulda been CHILLIN at my damn HOUSE instead of SIT.TING up in HERE for no reason!" Bitch don't get smart with me (even though it was said in a nice-nasty way)!!!!!! You will get gone off on FOR REAL!!!!

I have stayed with her this long because she IS good and she does take alot of CARE with my hair and she is 4 miles from my house! The other chick I like (stylist #2) is allllllllllllllll the way downtown (i.e. a 25 mile drive from my house)so I therefore found stylist #3 (who put my color in and is 2 miles from my house, but she is slow too). I just can't get it together man......

I am still upset even now to be honest because my time is precious and as my husband indicated "this should be your time to relax but you are so frustrated that you don't even ENJOY the service you are getting". He is right, but what can I do about it? Nothing but try to find someone else....for the 90th time.....that soooo does not interest me because I have TRIED tooooo many people and paid money for bullshit. So I am just all jacked up in terms of what to do abotu this salon-situation. I have uber short hair so I CANNOT just "go without" getting my wig done, nor can I "just wrap my mind around" the fact that I will "just have to wait". It's just Pure-D frustrating! And I feel like she (this particular stylist) has me by the jugular...... i think i may start looking again.

Photo Op's

2008-01-23T15:29:00.000-05:00

Do you remember me telling you about the WONDERFUL photographer that I had take some engagement pictures for me? I have always wanted to shadow with him so badly but he was just soooooo very busy that he simply was inundated with work.

But I didn’t ever tell ya’ll about the convo that ensued when I first called my “photography mentor” to get his input on what computer I should get and what happened. So, here goes:

I reached out to him and after all the niceties (how are you, how’s the fam,etc.) he goes (not in a “I’m checking you” way)

Him: I need to apologize to you

Me: **confused as hell as I had not talked to him in over a year** For what?

Him: I want to apologize if you even thought that I didn’t want to help you be better in your photography endeavors (now I am really confused)…….I went to a trade show in LAS VEGAS and I was talking to this guy and he said that he had read YOUR BLOG and that you felt that I brushed you off and that I may not have wanted to help you in your education in the business and I wanted you to know that I would neeeeever blow you off and I am so sorry if I EVER gave you that impression

Me: **holy SHIT!!!....my mouth was open in embarrassment over the phone because, 1. I sooooo don’t EVER remember being negative and dogging him on here nor did I think I would mention his name if I had have said something NEGATIVE because I really do like him! But it HAS to be true (though I have searched my blog and cannot find not ONE reference to him by name, so I am sooo confused as to how he or that person knows this) because how would he have known?????? But I guess I said it somewhere…..sigh!!!***

Me: So, this person said that he read my blog? Uh…. (trying to sound nonchalant)so…. who was this person?

Him: Just a guy that Googled my name and came up with YOUR PAGE (which I did at that exact moment that we were talking and I came up with not ONE link to my frickin page).

Me: Ohhhhh….. ***not knowing what to say because I was soooo embarrassed***

Me: Well _____ (I will never use his name again…LOL), I am soooo sorry if I said that and I really don’t think I said it in that way if I did…. I would have meant (trying to backpedal and explain to one of my FAVORITE photographers why I was allegedly dogging him) it in the way of ‘I wish he had more time for me’ not in the I think he is just being mean and not wanting to help me way….. I am sooooo sorry _____ !!

So after these awkward moments and TWO HOURS of conversation which was WONDERFUL, he was like (I was wondering if it was out of a wee bit of guilt  ) “well I would be more than happy to show you some tricks and techniques if you would like.” So we set up an appt and I went over to his house (which is where his studio is in the basement) and I was there for 4 hours! I had such an informative and good time! He showed me his “editing” studio and I (seeing as though I literally have 1/20 of the equipment….or less…than he does) was sooooo overwhelmed (in a good way for the most part though). I did realize that I simply need several things that are “basic” to serious photographers and I have so little money so THAT was a little depressing because I want to really start doing BETTER pictures, but BETTER pictures is a combo of BETTER technology AND more experience doing it.

Well, at least it looks like I might get my wish at least in the latter portion! I am sooooo excited people! His work is beyond phenomenal and guess what?

HE IS GOING TO LET ME BE AN APPRENTICE!!!!!!

I am soooooooooooooooo excited I can hardly compose myself! It won’t be all the time, but he said “ You have the desire and I am going to SEE TO IT that you develop into what you want to be”.

Wow.

This is what I have been wanting for so long, that I am sitting here about to cry with excitement as I type this! I am going to a wedding this Saturday with he and his partner and will be shadowing him all day!!! YEA!!!! Yes, it will be a long day, but I NEED to see how it’s done and see how he works! His schedule is a little bit lighter now because it’s not the “peak” of the photography season, so he has a little bit more time now. I couldn’t be HAPPIER! His assistant and his wife are EQUALLY endearing and wonderful and I am so very comfortable with them all and have been from the first time that we met.

This is the start of my dream come true :-)

Oh, and my computer is on the way, so I am TRULY geeked now!!!!!

Another one bites the dust

2008-01-20T06:48:00.000-05:00

I have never had a computer die on me, but the one I had for 3 years did about 2 weeks ago ***big dramatic sigh***. And with it died my ability to retrieve a wholllllllllle buncha pictures. That is all I am really concerned about are my pictures. I had put quite a bit onto CD, like the ones that I have taken for people, but as for my personal ones, well....most of those were on my hardrive!

Oh, whoa is me! whoa is ME! I know I shoulda known better and I did, but there seemed to always be something more urgent than for me to spend the $130 to get aback up drive. I had a lower end laptop and I probably should have known better. Afterthoughts are just that though....after. thoughts. DAMN!!

So, I went into immediate "look for a new computer mode". Do I have the money to get one right now? No. But can I do without one, especially seeing as though I have some pics that I took of this family oh, let's say 2 1/2 WEEKS ago at this point that I need to edit and get back to them???!!! HELL NO!!!I also have half been waiting on this (hee hee). You see, my husband is of the "we are broke as hell and it doesn't make sense to spend money on shit when we do not have to". While I understand this philosophy, I am a spender by nature, so I like to "make it happen, cap'n". This is a fundamental difference in the way we look at money: He's a saver and could care LESS about a damn electronic ANYTHING and I am a spender and if I were "allowed to" would have THE newest, most updated electronic WHATEVER at least once a year! I just love the stuff **shrug**. So, though I am MOST upset that I may not be able to get my pictures off ( I had pics that I had never printed out of my son when he was a baby,etc) I am OVERJOYED that I get to get a new computer.

So, we (of course) are arguing over how much this computer is going to cost. My thing: I am doing photography. I neeeeed a fast processor because that was one of my MAIN gripes with that old one! It was a slowwwwwwwwwwww as molasses processor! It sometimes I would be trying to open folders from my SD card that had large file sizes I swear I could cook dinner, go to the mall and have a pedicure in the timie it took for that mug to just open up a folder in thumbnail size on the SD disk (if the folder had like 50 large size pictures on it)!!! I HATED that computer once I started really doing my photography. Because it was just NOT easy and fast! But I also knew that the electonics-Nazi would not allow me to get a new computer. Him: "Do you even KNOW that the reason that it's slow is because of the processor?" Me: No. "well maybe it just needs to be defragmented or maybe it this or maybe it that.....blah, blah, blah". (irritated ass sigh). I don't feel like going through a buncha diagnostics when I know ENOUGH about computers to know that I was 99% sure that it was because of what I said: the processor was slow (not much RAM which is why it was dirt-dog-dirty cheap)and I got a lower end computer which NOW had alot of it's memory taken up!! But he needs emprical proof and evidence for ALL things related to money **rolling my eyes**.

We really do not see eye to eye on stuff like this (can't you tell?). He wants proof and parcel of the reason that we needed a new computer PRIOR to it blowing up because he's like "we broke!" which is mostly true I will give him that because since my position was eliminated Nov. 06 my salary has DROPPED by $15-16K a year. Yeah. So I knew that the ONLY way I was gon get a new one was for something irreparable to happen. And you KNOW the only reason I am getting one NOW (as opposed to waiting until some undetermined point in time) is because I NEED this to do my photography business and this computer is essential to me MAKING extra money, right??? However it came, I am glad that it came!! So, my angst in losing the other is heavily laden with excitement on getting a new computer :-)

And the silver lining is that my girl said that she MAY be able to pull some stuff off the hardrive because I tried to take it to Geeksquad at Best Buy and they were like "uh, we can't pull it off but we could send it to our data recovery place and their prices START at $259.00- $1,600.00". You know I gave them the "African are you FLIPPIN CRAZY " look and walked my behind RIGHT outta there right? So, thank you girl for offering to try to pull my stuff off of this computer!

And even though my husband was NOT happy at the price of my new system (because we got this other computer on a "Day-after-Christmas-when-I-stood-my-ass-out-in-the-cold-at-BEST-BUY-like-you-see-them-crazy-ass-people-do-and-got-a-rediculous-deal-on-thisl-ow-end-computer-deal" , I know that this is what I NEED if he wants me to really "get going" on my business. So.... I am not worried. My job allows us to take out an INTEREST FREE computer loan so that is how I am getting this fine piece of machcinery! It is repaid through payroll decutions in pretty much whatever amount that you would like. No-brainer. My new computer is also very capable of seeing me into the next "cycle" of computers because of the upgraded processor that I am getting on it. So, I am happy :-) I am like a kid at Christmas!! Buying stuff like THIS makes me soooo happy :-)

The only down side is that because THIS is a desktop I will have to keep it in the basement....the cold, cement, unfinished basement becuase that is where my "desk" (that I never use) is and that is the ONLY place (because my house is so damn small) that it can be placed. There is no "office"and no room in any other room to put it. I am going to also buy a heater to put down there because I will be down there everyday. My laptop (much to my husband's dislike) was pretty much permanently perched on the kitchen table **shrug**. That was the only place (other than the basement) where it could be and at least it was portable! So, that is the only downside, but I spent 3 hours yesterday in preparation for my "baby" to come home. I had to change the location of my desk because since there is only ONE power outlet that was put in (because , remember the basement is UNFINISHED) I needed the desk to be NEAR that outlet! Besides I wanted to change it becuase where it was is where I wanted to relocate my makeshift "photo studio" anyway! So, I am going to IKEA today to get some rugs as there was already a 12 x 12 berber carpet remnant over near where the desk used to be (and I am leaving it there so that when people come over to take pictures they will be stepping on carpet and not cement, get me?). So, I foudn two rugs and I am off and runnin!

My baby(a Dell) is not going to be here for another week-10 days ***impatiently tapping fingers*** But, I will have to post a picture of me and my new baby once she makes her arrival :-)

Twas the night AFTER Christmas...

2007-12-30T18:19:00.000-05:00

So, as I sit here on the eve of New Year's Eve...I am reflective of all that has happened in my world this year. Some good....some bad.....but all apparently by the will of God. But I pause to think sometimes "did I CAUSE x,y,z to happen", or was it simply my actions that caused these things to happen.

In any case, things happen, friends die, babies are born, laughs and tears are shared amongst confidantes and the world goes on. But life is good...life is VERY good and I try to never forget that.

While my husband and son are gone today, I have had the atypical chance to have the house to myself. And I have been sitting here and thinking about a resolute list of resolutions that I want to put together for the upcoming new year. I feel as though this year once again, has flown by and it seems that I have again, not accomplished some of the things that I wanted to this year. Maybe I am hard on myself, but I really want next year to be better than this year :-)

Boy time has a way of "slipping into darkness"!!LOL In my assessment of my life and what I want to do with it, I of course, must take my family into account, but being that they support me, I guess it may be just ME holding ME back!

***thinking to self..."hmmmmm".....***

So, I am about to put together a realistic list that I truly BELIEVE that I can accomplish after all there is nothing BETTER than the feeling of accomplishment.....I haven't felt that much this year, so..... we are off to the race folks!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

What (if anything) are your plans for the new year?

Snow & Lack of Santa

2007-12-16T18:05:00.000-05:00

Well, I don't know about YOU all's weekend, but mine has been ummm...interesting....

Well, to start, I tried to take the little one to see Santa at our local Hoighty-Toighty mall, The Somerset Collection. It's not that far from where I live and it has a BEAUTIFUL set in which Santa sits. It is the best of ALL the malls by far! Now.... ya'll that have been with me for awhile know that I am a budding photog, so that means I am not paying your extortive $10 for ONE picture with Santa... I will kindly plop my child on his lap and take the damn picture my-DAYUM-self and get 30 Christmas Cards printed from them at the local camera store (also located conveniently RIGHT in the same mall) for the same $10 (give or take a few dollars).

So. My girlfriend who's daughter used to go to pre-school with my son called me and asked if I would be willing to do just what I just described (we do it at Easter too) on Saturday, I said "SUUUURE... I have to take him anyway because we haven't been to see Santa". And as all of you parents know, since he is now 3 1/2 THIS is the year where he "gets it". Last year, kinda and year before, not at ALL. But THIS YEAR, we are SANTA ready baby!

So, after going to my OTHER girlfriend's house to take family Christmas pictures for her of she and her hubby and my Godchild, I came home, rested a minute and then trucked on out the the mall. We get there and I see this white guy that I work with, so we make chit-chat and I am like "yeah, we are here to take these two to see Santa". He goes "what time is your appointment?"

****record scratching *****

Me: what did you say??? Appointment?? You have to have an APPOINT.MENT to see frickin SAN.TA CL.AUS?????

Him: Yes, and we got our appointment for 6:18 THIS MORNING at 10:30!

Me: WHAT???? **thinking expletives in my head but refraining due to the gaggle of children in my midst**

Him: Yeah... you might not be taking any pictures today if you do not have that....

Me: uh.... yeah **looking at my girl whose mouth was agape in disbelief**

Now, my mind begins to race because I KNEW what he said to nbe true that there was probably NO WAY in HELL that we were sitting atop Santa's red velvet pants on THAT day! But the bad thing..... this year, he "gets it".... I KNEW that I was probably going to have to deal with him crying and SCREAMING since I had been telling him ALL DAY that we WERE going to see Santa!!!!

And furthermore , what happened to the "your ass just GOES and WAITS in line" like when I was a kid??? So, I go to the counter and this is the discourse between me and "santa's lil helper" at the counter:

Me: **looking at a sign that says "all of the appointments for pictures with Santa are filled for today..please come back tomorrow"** Oh,...so I see that all of the "appointments" are taken..... have you had any cancellations?

SLH: Well, the thing is that if someone doesn't come, the next people just kinda move up..... just like if they were in line, so there really are no cancellations, per se.

Me: Sooo...... why are there APPOINT.MENTS if there's no ability to cancel them? How can you have an up without a down? Maybe I am not understanding....

SLH: Well, if say you were unable to make it, the next family could just step up, so it's kinda on a first come first serve basis, and that is why we hand out the times to show up, so you won't HAVE to stand in line...even though the system functions like a virtual "line".

Me: **getting REAL irriatated** So, is there any way if someone DOESN'T come that I could just TAKE their slot???

SLH: Well, no....becuase other people have had their appointments for most of the day and we would just move them up.

***dead look***

Me: Ok. so... can I get an appointment for TOM.ORROW ?

SLH: Oh, well.... you have to come BACK first thing tomorrow morning to get the "appointment", we don't give them out in a day in advance.

Me: WHAT??? Are you serious?????? So, I have to come BACK just to get a ticket??? and then leave AGAIN and come BACK some 2, 3, 4-6 hours LATER????? That is the stupidest system I have even heard of!! People don't have time to keep running back and forth to a mall! That's rediculous!

SLH: **looking bewildered and speechless

Me: **to my friend** let's go..... ***to SLH***.... thank you.

Why did I feel like we were playing the charade of "Who's on First"!!!!!????? Can you say pissed??? I was so angry about that DUMB ASS system that they have to see Santa that I was like (in my mind) "Oh HELL NAW.... he may not be able to see Santa this year!" And I am holding to that shit. Who, but stay at home momma's have time to be running BACK AND FORTH to a frickin mall??

My mind quickly raced baclk to the little Santa-enthusiast holding my hand. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! Think fast....this boy is sabout to have a heart-attack.... I called my husband and he was like "tell him that Santa doesn't feel good and that we have to come back".

**blank stare**

Me: Are you SERIOUS???? Do you NOT know your dayum child????? He is TOOOO smart for that and you KNOW he is going to PROBABLY throw a tantrum and then we are gonna have to make our way to the bathroom for a "talk" (none of which I felt like dealing with at that moment as it was alomst 6:00pm)

Him: Give it a try.....

So..... I did and MIRACULOUSLY, it worked! My son was like "awwww poor Santa...we'll come back another day Mom". I was saying to myself " there are miracles"!

So, we trot on home and awake to this this morning:

This is my husband obviously in disbelief over how much HE has to shovel.....

And in case you were wondering no... I do NOT do snow (anymore that is).... I get all sweaty, fuck up my hair (because when I get hot and have on a hat, I sweat HORRIBLY in my head!!!) and I CANNOT do this short ass hair-do OVER. Besides, I TOLD him to get a snowblower..... hhmph.... I will NEVER EVER shovel any snow as long as I have him OR once this lil boy gets old enough! I used to help shovel it (sometimes BY MYSELF IF my husband was at work just because I knew that on a couple of occasions that he would NOT be home until late and that the snow would sit and become compacted from cars rolling over it and that is SUCH a pet peeve of mine!) the first two years that I was here, but now..... fuck it... that is the MAN'S roll to shovel that darn snow! Shit a couple times I was out there and straight UP felt like I was about to have a heart attack!!! SHIIII-IT !!!! Not anymore.... if that shit DOESN'T get shoveled, c'est la vie.... I am rollin over the shit until it melts, hell I have AWD!!!! LOL

Anyway.... it looks like he was getting a workout (hee hee).....

My only question was with this 10-14 inches that have fallen today...WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY couldn't TODAY have happened TO.MOR.ROW?????????????????????????????? DAMN weather! LOL

All I want for Christmas is.....

2007-12-09T15:42:00.000-05:00

I was pondering this the other day and came to the conclusion that I really want this Tiffany necklace and this digital camera. Ya'll heard me correctly.... another digital camera. I want this small camera so that when I go out I don't have to ALLLLWAYS drag the big dog out! I can just slide this into my purse or hell, my bra! (just jokes...but that's the reason I want another camera!

I haven't been taking many "professional" pictures of late as I have been an exteremly lazy ass in getting my "light bulb" replaced. This is the first time I will have had to replace it and it's like $20 a pop. Not much but I can't just go to the local wal-mart and get another one. I will either need to order a light or go buy one. Hence I have been lazy becuase I have not been to the camera shop to see if they have it and I really don't evne KNOW what it's called other than a 500W bulb. O.k.,so I wasn't THAT lazy... I DID order one from Ebay but I did not look at the SPECS on the dayum thing and it was the same look and SHAPE but about 6 times BIGGER than the one that I needed! DAYUUUUUUUUUM!!!! LOL

So, I need to get on my hustle game. With all the drama going on at work and just being drained from having to deal with MORE work and LESS money... my creative love for is still there, but the energy has waned a bit, but I am coming back....

Hopefully I will be FINALLY taking a class in photography this spring, so that willbe a help as well.

But that's not too bad of a wish list. The other thing , the limited Edition DOoney & Burke Hayden Panatierre bag in Red is SOLD OUT, so I can scratch THAT mug off my list.

So how about ya'll....what do ya'll want for Christmas?

Chicken Fried shit

2007-12-07T09:35:00.000-05:00

Hey people! What's good?

I am in a good mood today though you might not know it by the post that it so follow, LOL. So, the other day this black guy that I work with came to me and had a few questions becasue he will be leaving the company because he didn't get a position that he interviewed for (the equivalent to what I do) and he was like "I have to be out.

So, here's the skinny... .this guy was working with the group that he would have been supporting in a new role, he was mature, had a master's degree and was very well suited to the position. It came down to him and three white girls. Basically, the white girl who was well liked by the HAIC (head ass in charge) was the one who got it. Now, I will say that I LIKE here, but I do NOT think that she was MORE qualified than old boy and I know and have worked with them BOTH! First off, her personality does not lend itself to the position (the position is one of basically being the police and making sure that while people are having fun, that they are "doing the right thing" and maintaining a semblance of order...since this typically is a pretty anything-goes type of environment)as she is DITZY-DINGY acting as HELL. BUT, the boss (who knows literally NOTHING about HR, yet was promoted into a high ranking position) LOVES her. Case closed.

I don't know why this insenses me the way it does...but it does. So I was talking to the black guy who didn't get the role and he said this:

"You know, I was watching this Bill Cosby special one day and he was talking about steak.... say I have this beautiful Ribeye, nice and fresh, I season it well, cook it on the grill, medium to medium well, it's juicy and looks scrumptious right? Do you want that steak? If you like steak you probably would say "Hell YEAH I want that steak!!".....now..... I am going to place this steak on a maggot encrusted garbage can lid as your plate....do you still want it?? You would say "Uh...that's O.K.". "

And my friend likened this story to our company.... and I agree....there are some reeeeally attractive things about our company and some REALLY good things in the way that they do things in general, but for real, for real.....the bad in SOME WAYS outweigh the good (e.g. the way there are NO people of color at the upper levels of management because the owner who started this 4,000+ people company has his "boys" and what-not up in those levels)

And that is but one of the reasons that I feel like with less than a year under my belt here....that it's time to go...because I really do not like eating chicken fried shit.

2007-11-30T10:09:00.000-05:00

I am trying to live this .... cause I sho'll hope he closes up this WORK door at this place I work soon! I think I'd look FORWARD to that being a done deal!!! But I better be careful of what I ask for right? LOL

OPENED AND CLOSED DOORS

We need to learn to thank the Lord for closed doors just as much as we do for open doors. The reason God closes doors is because He has not prepared anything over there for us.

If he didn't close the wrong door we would never find our way to the right door. Even when we don't realize it, God directs our paths through the closing and opening of doors. When one door closes, it forces us to change our course. Another door closes; it forces us to change our course yet again.

Then finally, we find the open door and walk right into our blessing. But instead of praising God for the closed door (which kept us out of trouble), we get upset because we 'judge by the appearances'. And in our own arrogance...or ignorance, we insist that we know what is right.

We have a very present help in the time of need because He is always standing guard. Because He walks ahead of us, He can see trouble down the road and HE sets up road blocks and detours accordingly. But through our lack of wisdom we try to tear down the roadblocks or push aside the detour signs. Then the minute we get into trouble, we start crying 'Lord how could this happen to me?'

We have got to realize that the closed door was a blessing. Didn't He say that 'No good thing will He withhold from them that love Him? '

If you get terminated from your job - don't be down, instead thank God for the new opportunities that will manifest themselves - it might be a better job, or an opportunity to go to school. If that man or woman won't return your call - it might not be them, it might be the Lord setting up a roadblock (just let it go).

One time a person had a bank he had been doing business with for many years tell him 'NO' for a $10,000 loan. The Lord led him to call another bank. That bank approved a $40,000 loan for him at a lower interest rate than his own bank had advertised.

I'm so grateful, for the many times God has closed doors to me, just to open them in the most unexpected places. 'The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way.' (Psalms 37:23) The mountain top is glorious, but it is in the Valley that I will grow!

Always Remember God gives you...
Enough Happiness to keep you Sweet
Enough Trials to keep you Strong
Enough Sorrows to keep you Human
Enough Hope to keep you Happy
Enough Failure to keep you Humble
Enough Success to keep you Eager
Enough Friends to give you Comfort
Enough Wealth to meet your Needs
Enough Enthusiasm to make you look forward
Enough Faith to banish depression, and
Enough Determination to make each day a better day than the last.

Life must be lived forward but can only be understood backwards.
Commit to the Lord in whatever you do and your plans will succeed.
(Proverbs 16:3)

Scared

2007-11-12T12:39:00.000-05:00

I just figured out why I have been feeling the way that I have about my job. Why I am scared.....

I am constantly being asked to do more (i.e. I just had to work on this past Saturday...(yeah ya'll I did it), create a training module, being the facilitator of two other training classes (other peers are too) ) and I feel that I am not getting the money I deserve.

My girl who works with me and is in charge of almost ALL of the increase letters (EXCEPT for HR) told me that she was talking to my boss the other day about the new position that is now open on our team because someone left. Well... my boss said "I want the new person to come in in that "jr.role" like we had (me) do...even though she (me) got thrown into a "real" role and did not do the jr. position for long....."

Oh squo? I am doing the work ,have been doing the work and you realize this and yo BLACK ASS (she is black if I hadn't mentioned that before) ain't trying to get me paid (like you promised when I TOOK this job????)

Well, I guess the old addage is true..... you have to FIGHT for yourself! And now we are at the crux of the reason I am scared. I am scared that if I fight for this, bringing this up when this company is being SUPER cheap and we STILL are not doing ANY hiring except for in other states, that IF, JUST IF I am not given my just due (and being that I am armed with the secret knowledge that someone who does what I do, just had THEIR pay bumped up),IF, JUST IF the answer is no.....

I am scared that my attitude will be SO BAD that it will be evident and that I will start a downward spiral towards being "one of those employeees". You see.... you can only get over on the back of MY works for so long now that I am older. The older I have gotten, the SHORTER my tolerance is for mess like that! And I have HAD it with this company making changes LITERALLY like people change their fucking underwear and having the "you outta be HAPPY we kept you around" attitude about every.single.worker up in here!

So.... I am scared that IF I am not given my just due in the way of CASH, that until I find another job that I will not be able to HIDE my anger and resentment. I do not want to do it, but I know me and it will be EXTREMELY difficult for me to keep being REQUIRED (not given the option) to do shit and not have an attitude! I know me.... I have lived with me for a long time and now is NOT the time to get a new job (around X-mas it is ALWAYS harder to find a new job because in corporate america, it's the end-of-the-year). I do not want to get fired, but I will be very upset if this does not go my way (which I am really doubting it will given trend predictions of late).....

And I am scared that I will not be able to hide it......

Halloween

2007-11-01T05:37:00.000-05:00

Well, me & my husband went out for the first "real" Halloween with my son. The reason I say first "real" Halloween is because he was not quite "understanding" the fun of it all last year.

So, up until the LAST 2 hours before I went to pick him up from school, I was having the "what the hell are we gonna do with him and where are we gonna take him" conversation with his Dad! We live in a suburb, and it is a predominantly black middle-class suburb righ outside of Detroit. But the thing is, these nig-ro's don;t trick or treat much around here! wtf???? I guess technically I am no better because there was NO ONE at my crib handing out candy either!

We ended up calling our friends who used to be neighbors that lived directly across the street from us and went to therir "new", more upscale neighborhood. Well, they have an 18 month old girl, so they were going trick or treating too, so we decided to tag along! It was Batman and the Ballerina! lol !

The ballerina and Batman!

Can I tell you that there were soooooo many houses to trick or treat from in their subdivision that we got tired and eventually called it a night??? That and it started to rain a little bit and though I had come prepared ( I CANNOT be caught in the rain....not with this short-ass hair cut that I CANNOT re-curl my dayum self!)we were done and my little one told me "O.K. Mommy I am ready to go back and have some pizza! I am like why is it that the black ass neighborhood (which is a nice area too) that I live in not involved in the trick or treating??????

But check it.... whyyyyy did this child want to stop and look at what he got after EVERY person handed him something.....like he was a dayum inspector! THEN!!! (oh lawd) we went to this one guy's house (it was actually the last house we went to) and he was giving out small bags of pretzels. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY did my son say "I don't WANT any pretzels" and went to place them BACK in the basket!!! I wanted to faint. I grabed them before he did and was trying to say "we will take them and eat them later" (because he had JUST eaten some earlier that day when I piked him up from school!!! WTF??????LOL). Don't you know this boy went and tried to take them AGAIN and put them back!!!! I snatched him off that porch and pinched the SHIT outta him as our friends daughter and other kids distracted the scene I was having in the dimly lit foliage away from this man's door! I said "you don't EVER act ungrateful when someone giveds you something!They do not OWE you ANYTHING!!! You WILL take it and you WILL say thank you (which he is very god at anyway) and you will NOT ask for anything else!"

On The Hunt for Candy in October!!!

I was so mad I coulda spanked him right there! I know he's only 3 and (almost)1/2, but still! I was outdone! So.... that was our evening! We went back and ate pizza and of COURSE he went to bed LATE as crap, so I wil be letting him sleep late :-)

Tired Mommy and WIRED Batman!!

You married who???

2007-10-28T07:23:00.001-05:00

Me and my husband and the little one went to a birthday party yesterday for one of my son's classmates. Now this classmates Mom went to high school with me and is either 1 or 2 years older than me.

So we get there and we go downstairs, see other parents we know and start chatting in general.. all of a sudden, I see this man....who was the father of this guy that I grew up with. You see, I lived in an apartment building growing up, and the son lived there with his Mom and StepDad, so we were cool even though he was like 4 years older than me and you KNOW at that age (teenage years) that 4 years DO make a difference, so though we were cool, we didn;t really start having "real conversations until I was in high school and would see him at parties,etc.

Annnnnyway......

So we're sitting there and when this man peeks his head around the corner, I recognized him instantly! Top that off with the fact that the man (we'll call him Cool Daddy) was ALSO one of my 9th grade teachers at my high school! So, I knew him VERY well!

So, I am tripping right?! I go to the mother of the son that was having the party and say "Was that Cool Daddy I just saw????" She says "Yes!" and then looks a little worried, as I am standing there saying "oh my God, I can't believe it! I am tripping that that is Cool Daddy!!!" So she says (with a slightly fading smile at this poinit) "Yeah... is everythign o.k.?". So then I snapped out of my reverie and said "Oh, yes! No... I was just tripping because I haven't seen him in so long and he was my teacher and I know his son."

She smiled and I said "So... is that your father?"

*****CRICKETS********

******DEAD FUCKING SILENCE*****

"no...that's, my husband"

***CRASSSSSH****(that was the sound of my face falling on the floor and CRACKING)

I was so embarassed and then one of her APPARENTLY GHETTO-ASS co-workers (the host is not ghetto at ALL or by any stretch of the imagination!) said "Did she say what I said..DID SHE SAY THAT???? HAAAA hAAAAAA!!!" I wanted to slap her dumb ass for calling EVEN MORE attention to it!! Apprently, this co-worker has been working with her for awhile and apparntly SHE said the same thing YEARS ago when she met her "husband" ! I wanted to die. My husband said (when I told him what had happened) "well, I guess YOU won't be invited over again!" (I wanted to slap him too!)

So, here's the skinny on this: This TEACHER was always RUMORED to be fucking around with UNDERAGE girls back when I WAS in high school! It was alleged that he flirted and had sex with high school girls. I never actually KNEW someone who he had been with, but my girl, Dr. Diva said the same thing(cause you KNOW I called her as SOON as I got home to tell her!). She also called her Dad and brother and Mom (who worked for the school board AND knew him too) and her Dad said that he had "heard" about him doing the same type of shit after he left the school. We always heard stuff like that and I actually think he may have been eventually FIRED because of his behavior. My thing is: Didn't chick that he is marreid to hear this????? She was there when I was there too!!!! If she didn't she had to have been under a rock! Because though our school was big...."things" about teachers who were "not right" floated aroudn quicker than a wildfire spreads! I have also heard some other ill shit that is "purported" to have taken place with young-ass girls (i.e. 20-30 years YOUNGER than him)after he left the school..... dunno.... I hope for her sake that he has stopped his philandering ways!

But I felt bad because the whole "daddy" thing was second nature for me to say! He is old as CRAP! He has a son that is either 40 OR 41 and a FOUR YEAR OLD!!! WTF?????? WOW. Oh, and chick DID let me know that though she was trying to 1/2 ass "fake it" in words like it was all good, that she DID have a tude behind my saying what I said!

But in the words of Dr. Diva, "That chick HAS to get that shit ALL the time... and she KNEW that he was a popular teacher and she should EXPECT that shit when she maarried an old ass nigga anyway!"

I rest my case and don't feel bad AT ALL since she brought me back to reality!!! LOL

But still... WOW.... you married WHO???????????????

Black African Bootyscratchers?

2007-10-25T17:46:00.000-05:00

Why is it that some men look at certain aspects of grooming as "un-manly". By this I mean, getting a their nails trimmed and feet groomed. Or it could mean getting a facial and just being neat and clean. Just keeping neat in general! But for real, my REAL pet peeve is hairy PITS and hairy BALLS! Now I am by NO means saying you need to go Brazilian waxing these areas, but what is wrong to trimming them and KEEPY them trimmed to about 1/2 an inch worth of hair??? It takes 2 seconds to buzz them pits and about 2 minutes to do the balls! I'm just saying ya'll..... keeping that shit cut will keep BACTERIA out of YOUR shit too!!! Hair holds BACTERIA (lok it up...any bacteriologist or run of the mill doctor will tell yo ass that shit, if you doubt what I am saying!) Yeast infections are NOT fun! Keeping your hair cut (upstairs AND below) is a MUST for me!!!

I know that in the archaic days that being a man meant having the requisite neanderthal BUSH under your arms and around your damn balls (I am SURE that shit served puroposes when there was no SOAP and WATER and shit, but NOT now)!!! I cannot STAND a whole swath of hair around a man's "franks and beans"!!!! It LOOKS nasty and the shit HOLDS DIRT, ODOR and BACTERIA! UGH!!!!!!

I could NOT be with a man who had a problem taking care of these areas!!! Ya know... wearing CLEAN clothes that aren't all fucked up and holy or wrinkled all to hell.... as well as keeping your hair cut AND brushed/combed!!!!I just couldn't be with someonw who didn't take enough pride in himself to do these things! I keep MYSELF washed, groomed and combed, and so should YOUR ass if you are my mate! For real ya'll! I TRULY believe in "metrosexual" not meaning HOMOSEXUAL!!! Men that think so are probably CLOSET gay anyway as far as I am concerned or too damn caught up in stereortypical "idea" of what a man should or should not be like. **shaking my damn head** Do these "cavemen" not realize that women WANT a man who takes care of themselves just like ya'll want someone who takes care of HERSELF!

Grooming is not just for women people! I have had some funky-balled negroes in my time and it really did TURN me off!!! Thankfully, there haven't been many....but I repeat I would NOT be with one who didn't take prode in themselves.

Get it together guys! (at least the ones of you to whom this applies!) We expect and deserve better! LOL

Friday Night TV

2007-10-23T08:49:00.000-05:00

Hey there!

Me and my gurls went out AGAIN.... this past Friday. We went to the SAME club/sports bar that we went to last week and had a blast again! See below:

(DIVA, Me , Tee)

But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy was I looking all "greasy" and my girls were looking cool and colleceted??? because MY DUMB ass wore a dayum SWEATER up in that joint and it was hot as hell on fire!!! LOL

This was a lil different though because there were waaaaaaaaaay more people there because it was the "2nd" grand opening of the place! So there were people wall-to-wall.

Good times were had by all! I saw some people I haven't seen in a WHILE and had fun chatting it up with them!

On the job front, I still have not found another job, but I am still looking. I am also seriously contemplating REALLY trying to expand my photography ability and go ahead and take some classes and go ahead and get my photography business going.

My husband pointed out something that my best friend and a few others have said: You don't LIKE working a 9 to 5 for someone else! While that is true, I struggle with the who idea of being able to do what I want to do and have the lifesyle that I have while trying to "build" my photography. I CANNOT stop working! For real.

So, while I like "some parts" of HR, I want to hone my photography and get better at that and make THAT my livelihood. I was looking in Black Enterprise last night and this girl made a shop that is a nail/pedicure salon into this cute, eclectic spot in Brooklyn!! Now THAT is what I am talking about!

Moving on and into something new (while also looking for a new 9to5 in the meantime! I mean a sista GOTTA eat!!) LOL

One of them nights!

2007-10-14T18:14:00.000-05:00

"It's the good life....let's go on a living spree...they say the best things in life are free...The Good Life, it's feels like Atlanta, it feels like L.A. , it feels like Miami..." - Good Life-Kanye West

These FAT-ASS Amethyst Louboutin's-The Good Life Indeed

Hot dayum ya'll! Me and my girl hung out on Friday and had a CERTIFIED.BLAST!!! When I tell you I had so much fun with her that it ain't even FUNNY..I'm for real folks! Here's the deal.... I only have a FEW female friends and one of them (my girl Jen) is outta town, and the other's usually have busy social schedules and things to do or just don't feel like hangin when I do.

So, me and Diva had both gotten our hair done earlier, put on a lil lipstick and got ready to hit the town! We KNEW we were cute too! LOL She was flossin in her hubby's brand new black on black Lincoln MKX crossover and we were out! Where to go? We don't go out that often, so we really do NOT know of that many places, and also I do NOT wanna be near the 20-28 year olds either. Too young for me. So, we hit up a place that used to be a bar/club that was recently revamped into a sports bad and is owned by this guy who owns the salon where I get my hair done occasionally.

So, though we hadn't gon out in a while, me & Diva like this place and dedcided to go there or at least start there. But you see.... my girl, DIVA and I go waaaaaaaaaay back on the hang tip and whenever we hang I have a blast!! It just felt so good to have some drinks , some laughs and some fun in a social environment! I like , literally, almost NEVER do this anymore!

Then one of my BEST male friends, who goes waaaaaaaay back with me, MH, came down to the spot we were at, so we DEFINITELY had a blast. It's cool to go out with your husband, but since Diva and I haven't been out since I think LAST YEAR, it was overdue and DEFINITELY needed! Typically when we go out, I do not drink because I am ALWAYS.DRIVING. Diva usually does NOT drive because she be like "i don't know where I am going..." ...mmm-hmmm.... I can see why she does this: SO THAT HEFFA CAN DRINK!!!! I hardly EVER drink, but I must admit a few just loosen you up and help ya ass RELAX! Literally, I think the LAST time I had a drink was about 3 months ago and THAT was a Hummer (kahlua and ice cream). Well, not tonight babe! I had a NICE set (yes I said set) of drinks and she was the responsible one and only had a couple! I got a niiiiice buzz going and we kicked it and talked shit! We ended up just eating and chilling there all night.

The bar/club that we were at had some bangin music that was old school meets new school/meets my kinda groove!!!

And Diva understands me, that is why it is SOOOOOO much fun going out with her!!! Her husband always says (who is a friend of mine and how I met Diva in the FIRST through THIRD place!) "When ya'll get together....it's gon be some TROU-ble, TROU-ble!!!". If we weren't such good women, it would be.....lemme tell you. Me and Diva ALWAYS say "If I knew THEN, what I know NOW.....baaay-be...." LOL But serously. Diva is always there for me and I for her. We are very much alike in so many ways and I am so glad I met her!

And at the end of the night, this guy that I was sitting next to (but really had not even SPOKEN to) PAID our bill !!!!! WTF???? I was like "than you so much...what's your name?" He told me and come to find out me and him went to ELEMENTARY school together (yeah, I have a memory for things like that)!!!! I had not seen him SINCE then as we went to different schools after elem., but his face was the same! He said that once I started talking he remembered me as well (I too look the DAMN same since I was what...3 weeks old??lol) And get this, there was a guy who came over while I wasx talking to the guy sitting next to me and told Diva "I wanted to pay for your drinks and food, but the waitress told me that it had already been taken care of". Well, al-fucking-righty then!!! I guess me and Diva still got it!

And on Saturday, me and Diva and her hubby and his family went to see "Why Did I Get Married?" and let me tell you, if you like Tyler's movies, you'll love this one. I think this was the best one YET! My girl Angie in the movie was OFF DA CHAIN!!! I leaned over and told my husband "THAT'S yo momma!" LOL Cause on the Lo-Low.... I could SOOOOOOO see his momma going the FUCK OFF on a bitch like Angie did in some of those situations! LOL

We came home and today I have just chilled out and relaxed. Right now, my fam is watching football at a friend of my husband's house. He takes my son because there is a boy his age there, so EVERYBODY has fun and Momma has a few hours to fuckin chill by herself since I STILL HATE football. Don't get it twisted....

Still high off the weekend and Diva..... I'm STILL fucked up! LOL

Carry on people!

Sexual playthings and brokeness

2007-10-11T15:27:00.000-05:00

Hey folks!

BROKE as a JOKE
I will start by saying that I am so broke. Really broke. I am trying to be more positive and trying to use

If you are not up on this , get up on it here..... I need to use this more as I am just wondering when my "day" will come for the positive. I don't get paid until Friday and I am ALREADY "borrowing" against some of my future monies and will be on a TIGHT-ASS budget (tighter than a hooker's garter belt!)!!!!

This is sad. But I am grateful because my husband, blessed soul that he is has taken a bill that I used to pay and he is going to pay it (yeah,we are on each other's accounts, but we have seperate accounts...the ones we used to have before we were married...) to allow me some breathing room. I am also going to pay off one of my credit cards with some $$$ from savings so that will put some $$ back into my pocket on a monthly basis. But all in all, I am broke. I drive a banging car, have a cute (although small) house, but I am broke. I need a flippin salary increase or a new job BAD! I am trying to focus on the positive (i.e that I have a job and that life hasn't changed REDICULOUSLY. For that I am happy.

But I need more. More money that is.....

WTF???Family store?

Can somebody tell me WHYYYYYYYYYYY this
"Personal Massager" was online at Walgreens.com ?????? I have not seen this in the store (thankfully), but am I the ONLY one who finds selling a DILDO at a run-of-the-mill drug store???!! I guess pleasuring ones self just became more accessible boys and gals!! **smh** But I guess since there is the "KY-hot and spicy" (or whatever the name of that stuff is) that is sold and condoms and all kinds of other stuff.... it just seems a little "Fredricks"-like to me!!! LOL

Tell me

Tell me if I am wrong for feeling this way:

So... my boss comes to us (her team) and says the following:

"well, because there have been issues on the weekends (because people here work like HEBREWS typically Saturday or Sunday every week), I am thinking that it would be a good idea for us all (there are nine of us) to ROTATE being here on a Saturday or a Sunday....if we ALL do this, we will only have to do this once every 9 weeks...and the upside of this is that you will get a weekday off when you work on that Saturday or Sunday". Now I was off last Friday because I was sick and she apparently sent some e-mail saying this and other's got to ruminate and then react. So when she asks me, I was in a room, by myself with her and I was trying my HARDEST to stifle the "fuck you...are you fucking serious" look that I felt trying to escape from every pore in my face!

My reaction (internally): "HELL FUCK NO!!! I do NOT want to come in here on the weekends! Not even if it IS only once every 9 weeks! NO! My reaction to her after acting like I was really "thinking" about it: "I'll think about it...I AM planning on going back to school..blah. blah.blah...and Saturday classes MAY be something I would do...blah.blah.blah....".

Whatever. I would never take a Saturday class unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. I just couldn't come up with anything else with her sitting there looking at me like a dog waiting for a treat.

#1, my husband works late and I already do NOT get to see him until late most nights #2 that means half of the time I can spend with my family will be cut OUT and my weekend broken up on said weekend. Even if I get Monday off , it won't seem like I had the equal number of days off becuase they a broken up! and #3 even though my husband is as MUCH a parent to my child as I am, because we have no family support, that means that one of HIS weekend days would be with no rest and no break.#4 I just don't want to INCONVENIENCE myself for what.... the $8,000 salary DECREASE that I got! Oh, and it looks like most of the other 9 people have said that they are GAME AND READY to do it.... I guess I would be the lone dissenter.

So, when she hears my dismay and potential "no" looming , she says "well, it's o.k. if you can't...it's not MANDATORY.....it's TOTALLY optional...". mmm-hmm...i know, i know...she MAY look at this pejoratively.**shrug**

And I'mma tell you the truth people, my REAL BIG, FAT, NASTY, HAIRY reason for saying NO is because you all are NICKEL AND FUCKING DIMING me on my money! You cut $8,000 and I was supposed to be in a "jr." position , and all of a sudden a "shift" in everyone's responsibilities has occurred and I am being PURPORTED to be in a "full" position! Granted, I have less problems to deal with daily than the other "full" position holding team members do, but I am also going to be taking on being a "backup" to another location because the person who was at that location si being shuffled to ANOTHER location! So, we'll be "sharing" the load.

No problem.

I have NOOOOO problem with the work.

GIVE

ME

MY

FUCKING

MONEY!!!!!!!!!

You want me to sacrifice and do more and take MY TIME away to flip-flop and be "oh-so-available" and at ya'lls whim??? Well, FUCKING pay my ass!

So my feeling is until you DO SO..... FUCK.YOU. I am NOT coming in here not ONE weekend day, even if I do get another one off! You ask for lots from people but give nothing in return.

Am I wrong??? I would like to get ya'll's honest opinion and feeling on this....come one lurkers..... speak up too! TS? Diva?? What'cha'll think?

Holla!

Joni Mitchell never lied....

2007-10-06T15:56:00.000-05:00

You may never see this, but one day, ALL things come full circle and you WILL realize that you don't know what you got til it's gone.

For the love of Money.... or lack thereof...

2007-10-02T09:25:00.000-05:00

I love this picture because it sums up how I've been feeling. In general, fuck it. I am so broke with this new "salary" (if you didn't read the previous stuff....my Salary was REDUCED by $8,000 a year)that it isn't funny.

Me & my husband argued yesterday about money and our "budget" and what needs to change(all day during work mind you) and I am so tired of thinking about it. I just need to find another job that pays me what I need to be paid. All this is coming about (mostly) because in the last year my salary has been reduced by $15,000 a year and we have absolutely NO room to do SHIT at this point!!! No room to take a trip, no room to save, no room to do ANYTHING! Hell, until my salary goes back up I stopped my 401k deduction! (say what you will, but I NEED that money right now, and though after taxes it's less, it still makes enough of a difference for me to justify doing it until I can figure out a way for my salary to increase).

He says "things need to change" and I say " we still have to live". It's not like we eat Chateaubriand & Lobster served with a fine vintage wine every night! And it's not like this will be forever. What it IS, it that we have a child in daycare, we have a HIGH AS HELL house note, we have 2 cars notes(I for one LOVE my car and am NOT giving that bitch up, nor can I because it's a lease), and student loans that total about $650 a month! He talks about "stuff we need to decrease" and all I can see are the 3 credit cards that need to be decreased, but that is a project.... not a "we can pay them off right now" type of thing. Yeah,o.k...... I'll be honest.... there are a few things that can be decreased as well (i.e the cable, shopping for clothes, cell phone bill,etc.) but in general, MOST of our costs are fixed (i.e. house, water, electric, gas, student loans, our son's daycare cost,etc.)!!! He is feeling stressed and this is stressing me out. Badly. One thing I DO know is this: if this company doesn't shit or get off the pot SOON..... I am out. Maybe sooner than later, becuase I ~~want to~~ NEED TO make more freakin money!

I am still looking for a new job and need to get moving on this front! QUICKLY. I know it will come and I am just staying prayerful because I am tired of going seemingly BACKWARDS in my career over the past freakin year!

***sigh***

Lata ya'll.

Reality or fiction?

2007-09-26T18:39:00.000-05:00

People, I LOVE reality TV..... from Real World to The Biggest Loser to Extreme Home Makeover to College Hill to Run's House to Supernanny to Wife Swap to The Great Race to Being Bobby Brown to I Love NY/Flavor of Love/Charm Schol to Life with the Christies (which I only saw ONE episode because I can't get the damn channel on my cable that it comes on ....grrrrrr)...I LOVE THEM ALL!!!!

I think that it is something about (alot of) us that makes us watch. It's like we are voyeurs into a world which we would never be allowed into otherwise. It gives us a glimpse into people characters and allows us to zone out. It makes celebs more real and lets us know that the things we do are NOT so out there azfter all or that we are waaaaay more grounded than we ever thought! LOL It's fabulous!!! Now... My husband would just say "naw....it ain't NONE of that...you just NOSEY!" And maybe I am.... I am a voyeur by nature. I could go to the mall and just sit there (if no one could see me) and look at and critique the folks that walk by. Hell, I KNOW someone is critiqing ME!!! So, why not get my critique on???? LOL

There are some good ones coming out soon and here is one. It'll be on VH1.....I will have to find out when it's gon be on.... I can't wait! LOL

Enjoy!!

Off to see the wizard....

2007-09-23T17:18:00.000-05:00

So... you all know I work in HR, right? Well, here's my dilemna.... I do not always "want" to "follow the rules". I am really a person who thinks that at certain times, rules SHOULD be broken! I am not a "goody-goody" kind of person either. This is kinda anti-thetical to I guess what you could call "the code of the HR person". I have written about this before because it is constantly being tested.

I likened it to being the person who has seen what is behind the wizards cloak from The Wizard of Oz and just like in the movie, it ain't that great.

We in HR are looked to to be the "shining examples" of "rightness" and that is what MOST HR muthafucka's purport to be. But rest assured, they got shit in they draws JUUUUUST like you do ! LOL Lookie here....I am just a person and I am NOT exempt from being pissed, and not in agreeance with management and NOT wanting to follow every rule to the letter. I am NOT the damn role model for everyone. I am just a person, an employee, juuuust like ya'll truth be told.

This dichotomy. It really does vex me to my SOUL...for real!

I guess it has to do with my having seen what's behind that damn wizards cloak that I've seen. HR people are some of the MOST horrible violators of what "should be done". I have seen people get $20K raises when others are being laid off, I have seen others not get a $2K raise (that was justified by the work she was doing) and it be justified on BULLSHIT, and in general, I have seen people FIRED because of the fact that they were not "nice enough" (notice: I didn't say he did ANYTHING wrong or was rude or inappropriate) and did not look the other WAY with a BIG WIGS wife when she tried to violate site policy...WTF??? Squo???? Word. Tthat's some BULLSHIT. And in general,I have seen that if you are white, in America, just about every fucking rule can and WILL be broken for yo ass if need be.

I say all that to say that I do like being in HR, because I do think that rules & policy is necessary, but when these "supervisors" get all "holier than thou" I wanna bust em in their fuckin' jaw! Because it is a buncha SHIT!

I'm the kinda bitch that if I really trusted you, I would let you take a sick day and if you were all out, I may not "record" it. I would probably ONLY do it for a black person that I trusted however and woukd STRAIGHT UP deny and disavow the agreement if it came out....."what are you talking about".....they do it.... why can't I? The shit I have seen white folks get away with is sickening and it makes me cynical of them ALL (and some black folks too) at work.

But how does this affect me at work? It makes me not care about what people do if I can get away with it sometimes. Depending onn what it is and who knows about it...I really DO NOT CARE! The truth is, this job doesn't care about ME except for in the " how can yo BLACK ASS help me toward my next BILLION dollars" kinda way. ANd it's not just THIS company, it's all of them. The older that I have gotten, the less respect I have had for MOST companies in general because I know that I am expendable and if you think that YOU are not too, you are fooling ya'self son.

Just my .02 cents

Good Life

2007-09-19T08:08:00.000-05:00

I am addicted to Kanye's new song "Good Life"....it has a sample of Michael Jackson's "Pretty Young Thing" and it is rockin!!! I actually like him anyway, so I figured his new album would be good (let's not talk about the temper tantrum at the awards though.....LOL)

Anyway, as far as the job goes, I woke up with this stress-tension pain going across my shoulder blades. No doubt a result of my inability to not ba a tense person. My husband rubbed my neck some and it feels a little better, but it's still there. I feel like I need some Icy Hot or something! **sigh**

But in light of all that I am complaining about, I think it is fitting to tell you all the things that I DO like:

* Getting up in the a.m. (or p.m. or whenever) and being able to walk, talk, see and hold my little one.

* I am thankful for being "relatively" healthy(need to stillllllllll lose some weight) but I am thakful for my health

* My new car. I REALLY love my new car. Cars are a BIG deal to me because I feel that I want to feel a certain way and have a certain level of comfort when I have to be in this thing EVERY.DAY, twice a day or more. Now.... I will not mortgage my HOUSE to pay for a car, but I want it to be nice and have toys and bells and whistles in it. So, with that said, my new car doesn't have ALL the bells and whistles, btu it has enough and it has plenty! I know lots of people (my mother for one) feel that a car is "a way from A to B" and that is fine. But please do not dog me because I like to do a bit'o "stylin" in my car. I feel like my car NEEDS to be an extension of my taste and self. (i know this is a long explanation on the whole car subject, but I really do love my car and it makes me HAPPY everytime I get into it!)

* My Son.I love to see my son smile and hear him tell me "mommy , I know that because I am a smart kid". I just laugh and PROMPTLY tell him "uh... you aren't THAT smart buddy" **all the wile thinking "yeah, you are a bright kid , but i don't want you to get ANY KIND of big head at the damn age of 3!"LOL.... He has had too many people telling him that and while it is good to think that you are smart and build self-esteem, I also do not want him to EVER be too arrogant! Ya know what I mean??? Anyway.... I was allllll off the topic! LOL

* Good times with Good friends. There is nothing like having a good times and having good laughs! It is essential! **note to self: schedule a date for me, Diva and TS to go out**

* Good Music. Music makes me happy if I love it.... it can be absolutely mood changing. That's why you will find me banging my music in my car OFTEN. I love music!

* Vacations. I (as I am sure everyone does) love the feeling you have when you are on vacation. I, unfortunately, have not HAD one (let me quantify this.... I mean one where you are not visiting parents or in-laws or sitting in your house for a week) in far too long. I need a real week-long, carribean get away. For real. They are great!

* Getting my hair done There is NOTHING like the feeling when I get my hair (and nails for that matter) done. I feel polished and together when they are right :-) I know Diva feels me!

And most of all, I love being happy, just genuainely happy :-)

Later ya'll and may you have a happy wonderful day!!!

another day another dolla.....

2007-09-18T10:51:00.000-05:00

Well... the stuff just doesn't get better.... LOL

All I CAN do is laugh at this point, because I want to scream!!!! Basically.... I have now had my desk moved for the THIRD time in the 9 months that I have been here. I hate change. I want to be someplace and just be. I HATE all of this musical fucking desks. I was JUST getting used to the (albeit bad locale) of the 3rd desk that I was at. I am now in a fuckign OFFICE with 2 other people!!!! I am the SAME situation that I detailed to TS that I said I would DIE if I was in!!!! I am segregated and before though I shared an OPEN-ASS-CUBE with two other people it is WORSE in an office!!! There is no other sound to distract others from YOUR business and being all up in it and because I am no MORE than 5 ft. from the woman (who is like a flighty little grandma type....nice enough) next to me, it will be IMPOSSIBLE for her to NOT hear me if 1. I am conducting business, 2. talking to my husband 3. calling the dr.

I HAVE LESS PRIVACY than I did BEFORE and BEFORE I had virtually NO PRIVACY!!! Being ini this office will do NOTHING be magnify all sounds!!! I can't play no music (I am sure these two white chick, one is young...like 28 or so and grandma) because I am SURE they do not want to hear my "urban" music!!!! And no, I cannot wear headphones all day. I have too much "phone interaction" that I have to have.

So, this morning the NB (New boss or New bitch...take your pick) sends me this "special project" as the e-mail indicated. WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY was it a LIST of fucking people that quit, got terminated, left for school reason,etc. and these micro-crazy people want to know more abotu "why" they left so she wanted ME to callllllllllllllllll alllllllllllllllllllllllll of these fucking people to do exit interviews on them ........

TODAY!!!!!!!!!! WTF?????

I sent her a message to clarify and have since gotten it widdled down to about 35 people, but guess what? She also wants me to ask them TEN QUESTIONS a piece!!!! WTF!!!! Then I ALSO have other people calling me and other things to do. These people apparently think that I can do 10 things at once. I do not operate well in conditions like that. I guess I betta learn though huh. Either that or have NO JOB!!!!

LOL

All I can do is laugh...... I am irritated al-fucking-ready!

frustrated

2007-09-15T07:17:00.000-05:00

* I was offered the "lower", JUNIOR position on the team for whom I have been working.

* I am glad to still have a job

*I am ~~LIVID~~ FUCKING ANGRY AND PISSED that my pay was CUT due to this change by $8,000 a year. I was told that this is because the "position" dictates the salary....not the person's experience and that they are "now" (see: since they have had their asses chopped in half by the market conditions, they will be cheaper with people). Soooo basically FUCK my 11 years experience that I have in HR..... (this will make a total of $15,000 that my salary was decreased by since last year at this time....I don't need this shit and am therefore looking for another job..... who can afford to have THAT Much cut out of their salaries???????!!!!)

*Some people I work with(as said by my boss) "may have to take as much as a $20,000 job, so my situation ($8K less)" and apparently the bitch acted like I was going to do a real happy dance????? WTF???

* I was told (by my old boss ...who is a young black chick....try 27 years old) that:

1.I may get to get to a "real" position instead of a "junior" position in this team, but that I (to the new leader) have seemed "unengaged" with the new team, but that in my defense she told the new leader (also a BLACK WOMAN who is in her late 40's) that she has seen that in alot of other people who have been displaced and in "temporary" roles and given the uncertainty of our jobs that seeming "unengaged" was not atypical. (well la-di-fucking-da..... ya THINK???? Why would I be "completely engaged" into a job that I didn't know if I had a SOLID chance of staying at???? There was no way I was going to go in like gangbusters and put alllll my sweat equity into something that I MIGHT have been leaving!!! I am like has this bitch (the new boss) ever been through this shit or have a shred of understanding of all of the EMOTIONAL changes and shit that a person goes through at a time like this????? A-fucking-parently NOT!!!

2. I was told that apparently I have been having too many "converstations" with my old team members (2 of them that were still right around the corner from where I sit) and that it's "noticeable".... Well, again.... I needed someone to talk to other than the dry ass people on this team (who I have NO relationshipt with because they just are..... weird...at least the ones I sit near) and so that's a problem apparently, too.)

3.I can "make or break it" meaning, that this position has the "potential" to turn-into a "real position" and not stay a "Jr." one but they want to see that I can "step up" and really get involved because that hasn't been seen as of yet.

4. The new boss apparently saw fit to tell my old boss about a situation that , by all accounts, was simply a LACK OF COMMUNICATION from this *new* leader/team about when some things needed to be entered into the computer by so that some reports could be run. Because of the fact that they have basically not GIVEN me anything except for bullshit-ass BUSY work to do.... and no timeframe was given, I just kept plugging away as I had time between doing time sensitive reports which have to be done within 48-hrs of me receiving them AND helping the chick that I sit next to, who is always sending out emails saying "can someone help me today.... I am over my 40 hrs" (since they are not allowing o.t. since this crackdown). It was a simple misunderstanding, but this ~~bitch~~ WOMAN decided to for SOME fucking reason tell my OLD boss about it even AFTER she and I had talked about it. That tells me that she is petty. That kinda of bullshit burns me up....it wasn't the 10th time that had happened and I had NOT been in the team long enough to know about typical deadlines,etc. and it ESPECIALLY pisses me of since she's BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

So......how do you think my attitude is?

I just need to find another job and I THANK GOD that I have one that pays more than unemployment while I do so! the only thing that makes me hesistant is that this company has alot of good training/continuing training for it's employees that I feel I could benefit from. But I feel like I don't have TIME for all that. Having $8,000 cut from my salary is literally CRITICAL to me living the way that I have. I BARELY had any money left over for shit BEFORE (since I had already taken a $7,000 cut in salary!!!!) I can't stay here for 6 months...or a year to "see" if I can move up and get a better salary! I need that money NOW. PERIOD.

So..... the search begins...again..... with a shit-lovin' smile on my face every.day I am up in there.

*I feel completely down right now and unmotivated.

Why.......

2007-09-11T13:39:00.000-05:00

….does my hair grow faster now than when it was long?
….do I feel sad because I don’t know if I will ever have another child?
….does this overweight, black, pregnant chick at work look a HOT ASS MESS annnnnnnnnnnnnd why did I see her the other day with a sleeveless shirt on and she had HAIR UNDER HER ARMS????????????????? This is an educated black woman and she is walking around looking like “boom-shaka” !!!!
….am I gonna tell her she need to CUT that pit-hair the NEXT time she has it exposed!!!!!
….has Boss Diva completely alienated herself from the people under her because she obviously doesn’t know how to handle situations like this?
….do cars seem to go slower, side-by –side when you want to get around them????
….do you become the parent to your parents at a certain point in your life?
….do I have to put perm on my hair (the short faded part)every other week just to keep ME from looking like “bushwick”???? **sigh**
….is unemployment too high here in Michigan??
….couldn’t I have won that $314 MILLLLLLION dollars ??
....are people grudge-holding, spiteful and vengeful ?? One day they will wake up alone and angry at themselves…or just die that way….miserable…..
….didn’t I travel more when I was younger?
….didn't I know THEN what I know NOW (inside joke with DIVA…LOL)
…. Do I have to go to this stupid meeting in an hour and I don’t even KNOW if I am about to be booted from this dept.
….do I haaaaaaaaaaaaaate change?
….people with HORRID breath want to get ALL .IN. YOUR. FACE?????
….at work, do I feel everyone know’s some “secret” that I am not being told nowadays?
….do people like assholes?
….do I wonder what it’s like on the “other side” (i.e. death)?
….does dirt seem to gravitate towards my black car?
….why do I write on this thing cause I swear no one reads it…..

not again

2007-09-09T05:35:00.000-05:00

well... as my worst fears suspected, the meeting was to be worse than I expected. **sigh**

basically, in reading my previous posts you know that my position as a Recruiter has ben "temporarily" paused for lack of a better word due to some changes that have gone on in the industry that I work in. All of the recruiters were placed elsewhere in the company in an effort not to layoff people until the market comes back.

Well, apparently the senior "leadership" (and I use that term VERY frickin loosely), has decided that a change needs to be made and that those who were displaced cannot stay in limbo forever.

Now, I, who had gone to another part of HR was told that basically if you decide to stay in this "new" position that your salary will be adjusted accordingly. That was cool because in talking with the director of this group (who is a 47-50'ish) faily cool black woman, I would be taking on a role like the others in that group and I KNOW (because I have access to folks salaries) that they made MORE than what I was making! So, if I decided to say COOOOOOOL!!!! :-)

Well, on Wednesday I was now told that they do NOT HAVE A PERMANENT POSITION WHERE I CURRENTLY AM and that "we are trying to identify other positions in the company...... here are two positions that were relatively-close in salary".

that shit hit me like a ton of bricks. I never thought that I would have to go ELSEWHERE in the company and that it would be out of HR, out of what I have done for a majority of my adult life (the last 12 years)!

Fear immediately set ina dn I felt a twinge of anguish shoot up my back and into my stomach as I waited for the next words..... "One position is in _____ and the salary is something like ______"...... also "there is another position that is working with _____ and the salary is ____ PLUS commission". WTF?????

I can't work a commissiony/sale-sy position!!!! HELL NO!!!And to top it off the BASE is $15,0000 LESS than what I make right NOW!!!! I cannot AFFORD a $15,000 drop in salary! And the other position ranges from $15,000-20,000 LESS than what I make now! How in the FUCK do they think this is comparable! Why was I told (again) something that was reneged on???????I am beginning to not believe all of the HYPE that was infused into my and every other new employee's brains. It all seems like a farce to me at this point

I was numb. Too numb to cry, too numb to do anything but keep chewing my gum and keep looking forward.....just keep looking forward..... keep looking ....

As I left the meeting my co-worker that I used to sit next to , had a meeting with my boss and went in to have his head chopped. Immediately after him, our other co-worker went into have her head chopped. I went to go to the bathroom and saw the two of them in the hall. My boy (who is black and is the ex-brother-in-law of one of my good friends) looked at me with the shock of someone who had seen a dead body laying next to him or something and was like "We need to talk...". I said "no we don;t". He said "We need to talk". I said "No we don't". He said "didn't you just have a meting with Boss Diva?" ...."yup"...... "well....we need to talk". I said "no we need to PRAY. That stopped him and me and he just nodded and we both half laughed and said "yeah.... you are right". I was beginning to unravel. This felt like what I JUST.FRICKIN.WENT.THROUGH not 8 months ago1 I went back to my desk. It was now 4:40. I had several things to do before I left and I was not sure if I was going to make it because I could feel the tears coming.....

I went and got my son and went home. I am so glad my mom is here still because I do not think I could've made it that night alone. My husband is working VERY long hours because he is entrenched in contract negotiations for the UAW, so I KNEW he COULD NOT be home to make me feel better. I pretty much cried all night. I couldn't sleep and am still scared. It is good that if I have to, I will probably have something, which is better than nothing. I will definitely be looking though.

My girls DIVA and TOO SERIOUS immediately started to help me look for new positions. I love them and am blessed to have them :-)I am trying to have faith , but it is hard because I know that I have to just get out there and find something and that ain't easy. Michigan's economy is bad. But I guess if I just let it go, God will make a way.... he always does. I am just scared....again.......

So say a prayer for ya girl.... I am trying not to worry and to just let go and let God.... I really am....

Positioning

2007-09-05T09:43:00.000-05:00

I think I wrote about all the changes at my job.....if you didn't read it, basically because there are alot of changes going on in the market that we are in, the decision was reached that NO recruiters (that's me)were needed becaused there was NO recruiting going on.

So, since August 1 or so, I have been in this "other" department in HR...the Employee Relations dept (the dept that deals with write-ups, disciplines, counselings, training....e.e. all the fucked up problems). But since I have been here alllllllllllllllllllllll I have been doing is bullshit ass "clerical/admin" work! Basically DATA entry! Now.... because this position is supposed to be "temporary" until the market comes back (and who knows when that will be), I am not an official part of this team.

So, I have not been doing the function of a "real" employee relations specialist. Cool... whatever.... but not really. I am tired of data entry. Sooooo today I get a request from my "recruiting" leader to "meet today at 4:00-4:30 to discuss the Recruiting Team updates".

So, I am thinking that since this was a "team" update that the "team" is on the invite list. nope. I call my girl who is on our "recruiting team" and she has no idea what I am talking about. WTF????

So, I am assuming that my leaded, Boss Diva, is about to tell me that they will NOT be bringing my position back and that I need to make a decision to stay in this NEW position PERMANENTLY or else. I am not happy about this. My husband thinks this is good because if I am made to be a "real" employee relations specialist it SHOULD mean more money because that position pays higher than most recruiters. Here's the problem though..... this company has shut DOWN excess spending and I have a feeling that they will be trying to NOT increase my pay and nickel and dime me and if I ACCEPT IT, I will NEVER get to the salary level that my husband is so "anticipatorily excited" about. Because once you accept LESS.... they know you can and WILL take LESS!

My meeting isn't until 4:00 and it sooooo pisses me off that she makes this shit for LATE in the dayum day! If you got shitty news tell me NOW! But the kicker is ....I am not sure if I even WANT to stay in this dept..... roles are so specific and polarized in this company and I hate not having a more "generalist" type of role. It makes me wanna start looking for a new job that PAYS me what I NEED to get paid! I feel like I am constantly getting the SHAFT when it comes to the $$$$ !!

We got (after management going back and fuckin forth FOREVER abotu whether or not to GIVE us one) our bonus's. Now..... when I was hired, it was said "Robyn we can;t get you to the salary you want (about $10K more than what I make and used to make), but with bonus I am sure we can. But what did management do? Cut EVERYBODY's BONUS! How about my AFTER taxes bonus was LESS than $1,000! Yeah, yeah, yeah I know what you are saying...... be happy you got anything. And I am. But it's the principal of it all. When all of recruiting was displaced, we were told BY THE RECRUITING DIRECTOR that our bonus's would NOT be affected! And they reneged!!!!!

Oh well... I am through bitching for now...... I will let ya'll know what happened........

2007-09-04T15:35:00.000-05:00

So.... my mom is here and me and my husband haven;t been anywhere ***dead look**

As much as we complain about NOT having a babsitter, we just OUGHTTA be going somewhere! But it is just nice to be able to SIT ON MY ASS and not have to worry about the little one! Sometimes, that is just as nice.

So, we go over to her long time friend's house and her friend is moving to California to be closer to HER son and his wife and daughter! So, you know me.... I was like "you need to buy THIS condo and move here!". Her friend agreed and chimed RIGHT.IN. on the "you need to move closer to your daughter...especially since you passed out last week!" bandwagon.

Her friend's condo is like 10 minutes or less in the SAME suburb that I live in and is a ranch style condo with plenty of space and a big ass basement. Perfect.

Now, I know that there are a couple things to take care of ....ya know.... getting a DIVORCE from the jackass she is "technically" married to, but has been seperated from (thank GOD for small miracles) from since sometime last year, getting the condo sold and then pakcking and moving. I am really turning this over to God because she NEEDS to be here. She really does. That place she has is a money pit and she keeps having to sink $$ into it. She is on a fixed income and MY budget is stressed as is (see: I can't really help you out cause I am using ALL my lil $$ to keep MY family afloat). That may sound bad, but it's simply the reality. I could help with incidental, occasional things, but I can't subsidize her monthly income and because she has all these medications and shit (she will be 73 this year) and because Medicare is not great on the perscriptions, she be needing money to supplement.

Also, shit is jsut expensive in Florida where she lives! I hate that she is on a fixed income and I am not in the financial position to just be Daughter-Money-Bags....so... I feel that the next BEST thing is to have her be here....in her own place (you know she is independent and besides she SMOKES which is a big HELL-FUCK-NAW in my crib....) and she will have more cash to enjoy her life AND be closer to me!

YEA! We all win!!! :-) Will keep ya posted......

baby love

2007-09-01T07:39:00.001-05:00

So, my niece told the family that she is pregnant abotu two weeks ago and I am very happy for her! She is 25, got married last year to the guy she's been "whatevering" with, since she was 14. The family loves him and he really is a great guy! She is a colleg grad and is going back to grad school. Though with this announcement, she may delay going back a lil.

The family got together to celebrate this and her birthday which was Aug. 15. She told me that the pregnancy was planned and I , for one, was shocked ! She and I have alllllways joked around about who "would be next" and I was always like uh.... I have one... YOU are next! And she would be like "naw....I got about 4-5 years...naw....". But look what done happened! LOL She said that she stopped taking her "birth control" and the next month VOILA! She was pregnant!

So, she calles me yesterday and I didn;t get the phone and she then texts me the following:

All I have to say is....not one, but TWO BABIES

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????????????? this heffa is having twins!!! LOL I was cracking up when I heard THIS!!! WOW! Twins!!!!!! I cannot believe it!!! :-) So ya KNOW the girl is scared! But she will have plenty of help, so she will be aw-ight :-)

We will love them babies and my little one will have two new cousins to play with and spoil.

Good times :-)

ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY!!!

count

2007-08-26T05:13:00.000-05:00

So, I am sitting here on Sunday morning...awake at 6:15 am...actually I have been awake since about 5:15.... I can't sleep.

My mother is here visiting from Florida and yesterday, she almost died. No, I am serious. My mother is diabetic and went into a diabetic insulin shock because she had taken her medicine at 7:30 anad had not had ANYTHING to eat (which I didn't know), and by 9:30 she started to feel like she needed to eat something.

I have seen that look before. I had a friend who was diabetic and because he too had a habit of giving himself a SHOT and not eating properly,every once in a while he would get what I call "the diabetic look". I think she had a slower reaction than he did because her insulin is in pill-form. The look she had was distinct. It is a mixture of "I really don't feel well, I am needing something IMMEDIATELY and I need it QUICK becuase I have waited to long". So, when I was sitting here trying to make breakfast, I saw the look when she said "i think I need to eat something". I said " you want some orange juice?" (because orange juice gets sugar into the bloodstream quickly and because I knew that that's why my friend used to drink when he took his insulin to balance out the chemical reaction that was going on in his body).

She said yes. I was sitting down and got up and began to get it for her. My 3-yr old was running aaround like he usually does and my husband (whose back was hurting) was upstairs laying down with a heating pad on his back. I gave her the o.j. and she drank some and said "put some sugar in it". I was in denial but a twinge of pain shot up into my heart because what that request meant was I am feeling bad QUICKLY and I need MORE sugar to get into my system FASTER . By this time, she was sweating (this too is an effect of your blood sugar dropping too low). I was then getting scared but was trying to ignore the panic I was beginning to really feel. She drank some of the o.j./sugar mix and was looking even sweatier. I said "do you want to lie down" and she said yes. I said "do you feel like you can get up?" She said "yeah, but I might just stay right here". I said "o.k.". About a minute more went by. I busied myself in the kitchen starting to take the frying pan out to begin making breakfast, to stave my mind from the thought that I was thinking "please sugar, get in her system...please sugar get in her system" , while praying that she would not get worse. I I put the pan on the stove and turned on the eye. I was talking to her and looking at her to see if she was alright and she started shaking and convulsing and as I ran over to her shouting "Mama!" she passed out. I began screaming for my husband and he came rushing down the stairs with the heating pad still strapped to his back.

She was unconscious and unresponsive with her eyes open, for about 30 seconds and I thought she was going to die. I was shouting to her and she was clammy and hot. I swear it was the longest 30 seconds of my life. She slowly began to come to and get her faculties..... I was already on the phone with 911 before she came to. She finally after what seemed like an ETERNITY (but was only seconds)began to come to. When she was kinda coming to she was moaning in a way that is still haunting to me. She woke up and heard me on the phone and was like "what are you doing?" (because she heard me giving them info about her on the phone). I said " I am calling 911 because you passed out and went into Insulin Shock !!". I said, "you passed out!". She said "No, I didn't". Me and my husband said "YES YOU DID".(she has no memory after drinking the sugar/o.j. concoction to the point where she said "what are you doing" as I was on the phone). My husband put my son upstairs and the paramedics were already here. The Fire Truck AND the EMS came. Fortunately, we have a fire house on the VERY NEXT street next to ours so they were here quickly. Literally by the time they got here she was awake and alert. Her blood sugar, apparently rising.

I was about to fall apart. I was trying not to cry because I didn't want her to see me cry and she knows that I am not real good in high stress situations because I am a worier. As a matter of fact, she USUALLY won't tell me if she needs to have a test or something if it seems "suspicisous" by her dr's because she knows how I worry. My mother is the only thing I have , and yet she refuses to move back to Michigan from Florida. She's gotten used to having "no snow" ans simply doesn't want to live here. And I cannot uproot me and my husbands' careers to move there. That's unrealistic. So, I have deaded the converstaion because it's always at a stalemate with her. But now.... after this..... We will have a talk before she leaves, just me and her.

I am her only child and she is my only parent (my father died 13 years ago...as well, all of my grandparents are dead too). Her side of the family has always been small,so there are no brother's & sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles,etc. ...I am it. But she is stubborrn. I am going to try to persuade her to come back here. She is 72 years old and does everything that you or I can do, but she has a few medical issues...nothing acutely life threatening (diabetes, high blood pressure, glaucoma) but things that if something like this were to go awry again, I would not be able to do SHIT to get to her within 6-12 hours! She does have an old ass cousin (yes I said it) who is OLDER and half-feeble, that is down there, and a half-dependable girlfriend she made down there but that sooooo does not make me feel better. My mother is more of a loner....never been the partying type, more of the shy. reserved, stay at home type, hence her not having made more than 2 real friends (one of them a cousin she reconncected with) since she's been down there (excluding men she dated and the fool she married since she's been down there). She blamed this "incident" on the fact that her dr. had given her a different medicine. Whatever. You need to be closer. My mother is VERY independent and VERRRRRRY obstinate. Truth is .... I can't make her move. As a matter of fact... I had ALREADY been trying to get her to move because shit it TOO expensive.

Anyway.... the paramedics tested her blood sugar and it was 141 (a little high for a "regular" blood sugar, but since she had basically a "shot" of sugar..... it was expected. A normal blod sugar is typically between 70-120). But I think "what if I had not suggested the orange juice? What if I had not HAD orange juice" (the only reason I had it was because I had been SICK a couple weeks ago and had it left over....we do not drink orange juice), what if I had been upstairs alseep and my hisband was just lying there and it was just her and my son???? She didn't make enough noise that I woulda heard her in my OWN HOUSE!

But that wasn't the reality. God had me right where I was supposed to be and had me become more aware of my blessings. My mother is fine and we actually went out and went shopping yesterday afternoon.

So , on this Sunday, the day before my 37th birthday, I count my blessings. count, count, count.

Where is your life going and who is going with you?

2007-08-04T08:58:00.001-05:00

So, I have been sitting her contemplating while I am SICK AS HELL with a frickin SUMMER HEAD COLD (can you say MAD???)about things that shape our lives and this documentary called "the Secret" not to long ago.

The Secret was basically to me saying that you have what you ask for and want to get and attract into your life. It touches on the religious and things that many of us were told as youngsters "jsut ask Gord (the universe) for it and believe it, and it will be done", "thank the universe (God) for it and believe that it is already done".

It is interesting because one thing that was said was that we have EXACTLY what we have attracted, into our our lives. I find that perplexing and kinda believe it in the whole realm of "karma". In that vein, I want to know what i did to deserve some of the treatment I am getting right now? (good and bad) I sit and think, what did I do to deserve the treatment I am getting by people in my life (good and bad). Can I change it by simply believing that I want something different? Maybe I don't have enough faith, because it sometimes seems far fetched. I loose faith in things that I thought were steadfast more and more everyday, because it seems as if in the end, like my mama said, you can only count on YOU.

So, what does it profit you to care about people, have friends,etc. They will all dissapoint you in the end, right? Or is your dissapointment a reflection of you putting too many eggs in their basket? I have dichotomous feelings about it. After all, I do believe that you can never know the greatest love, friendship,etc. without taking the greatest risk. But apparently, everyone doesn't believe in the ideals that I do. Things that were here today can be gone tomorrow.

There are cards that have been dealt to me that I do not feel have been fair and it bothers me to no end. But I also know that "what you focus on, you find", so fuck it and all that came with it because if it means me no good, it is time for it to go. And in keeping with this "secret", and wanting my life to go to different places, I guess it was for the best. After all, everyhing happens for a reason or a season, and I guess this season is over.

I want to be happier and less stressed. Truly.... and in that desire, I feel the real secret of happiness lies.

Can someone tell me

2007-08-01T11:31:00.000-05:00

When it became a sin for you and your husband (or live-in boyfriend) to know where the other is or what plans the other has??? I meant to post about this long ago, but forgot, and we were talking abotu this at work again the other day, so I felt I needed to get this out.

I am of the notion that it is simply courteous to let your partner (ESPECIALLY if you are married) , know where you are/what plans you have. Now, I know there are some people (men and women) who disagree and do not like to be “questioned” as to their whereabouts.

I say, hell no. TBut more over...that would NEVER fly with me. #1, I have a kid and if something happens, wouldn’t you feel like crap if you found out that something happened to your child WAAAY late because all you let your spouse know was “I’m out” and was nowhere to be found. But even if I DIDN'T have a kid, it's just courtesy because you are NO LONGER living alone and no longer just out for self. If you are living together (married or not) it IS a partnership, not a "do as I want when I want to" scenario. Or at least to me it should not be.

Some people feel it’s confining. To them, I say “well you need to live by your FUCKING self!” Having your significant other/spouse/partner know where you are to ME should be as natural as breathing and should NOT be that difficult! My boss is one ‘nem people. She is not married, nor does she live with her of 8+ year boyfriend. She said she HAAATES is when he asks her “where is she going?”. I’m like “WHY?” and she’s like “Because I am grown and I don’t need to answer to anyone and I don’t ask HIM where he is going! So, why should he ask ME”. I’m like, the only reason you DON’T ask is because you don’t WANT him to!!! And believe me folks, my boss (though she’s a young as hell black chick) is a REAL.OLD.SOUL. and is verrrry goody-goody (meaning, she pretty much probably wouldn’t step on a fly!), so I can almost BET MONEY on the fact that she ain’t cheating or nothing (for those of ya’ll that thought that). She just has a real problem with feeling like she NEEDS to and is EXPECTED to tell someone her whereabouts. I’m thinking, well sista….. you gon have a haaaaaaard way to go. Or maybe not…maybe ya’ll will just both be like “I’ll see ya when I see ya”. But that sounds like a roommate and not a MATE to me.

Being courteous enough to tell someone “hey, I’m going to the library today, I’ll be back in a few hours" or whatever should NOT be that taxing..... I'm just saying ya'll. What happened to respect?????

Dream deferred...

2007-07-29T13:04:00.000-05:00

So, I am depressed.

Well, more like severely dissapointed. Why? Because I just found out yesterday that now is not a good time to buy a new house and that numbers-wise we simply CANNOT afford to move. Housing prices for sellers are TERRIBLE and how about the real estate company that we are working with just told us that based on the area, the market value of the homes in our area, and what the costs potentially associated with selling a home (including a whopping $10,500 to THEIR asses alone as our "marketers"), they recommended that we put the house on the market for TWENTY-THOUSAND LESS THAN WHAT WE PAID FOR THIS BITCH THREE YEARS AGO! WHAT THE FUCK!!! And you KNOOOOOW that you never take a "offered" price for a home when you are looking, so that would mean we could come out like as much as $30-40,000 less than what we paid!!! HELL NO! We cannot afford to take a LOSS like that!!!!! We ain't got $30-40K just sitting there in the bank to pay off our CURRENT mortgage and get into another one!

I am so angry. More at myself though because I feel utterly and completely trapped because I can do nothing but wait.... til whenever....... After we moved here I realized something that in my blind impatient desire to get this house did not realize: This may not have been the best move. Why do I say that? Well.... seeing as though I knew NOTHING about how homes appreciate, how areas appreciate,etc. I went on pure emotion and the condition of the house: New. My husband also wanted new and definitely wanted to get a house too. Now, he takes my "dissapointment" as his "fault" because he is the "man" of the house. I tell him it's not his fault, but he feels guilty about us NOT being able to do what we wanna do (i.e. move) and so I try not to talk about it....cause TRUST this topic is never far from my mind and leave it to me, I'd be talking about it QUITE a bit. But I don't because I don't want him to feel bad.

When we got this house, we both wanted a "new construction" home, but the homes that we were looking at as potential "new construction" homes were either tooooo far from EVERYTHING (i.e. a 45-50min commute ONE WAY in NO TRAFFIC) or were too old for what we wanted. I cannot do a long commute, as a matter of fact, I think those who can should be commended! I also did not want to inherit other folks "cover up" jobs that they may have done in a home, on my first purchase. So, we got approved and began to look.

The house that we found are are in today is a new construction home smack dab in the middle of a LOOOOONG time established neighborhood,( but in a central location, close to people north, south, east and west of us. We are really in the middle of the metro-area.) What does that mean? That the homes that are here went through the "quick appreciation" in value 30 years ago and that our MORE EXPENSIVE home will not appreciate that much, that quick since everyone elses shit is old as dirt. And my home (though smaller in sq ft. than most of the homes near us tht are older) cost about $40K MORE than the older homes around us and therefore when they look at the area (as buyers would), this house probably wasn't worth what we bought it for, for the area. But I wanted a new home because my son was about 4 months old and I did NOT want to be in an apt and our lease was up anyway. Now I feel stuck and there is NOTHING that I can do about it but wait and hope....hope that the fucking housing market comes back. But mortgage interest rates are steady going the fuck up.... I guess I may see pigs fly first.

So, here we stand today. My husband is the type of person who could live in a cardboard box and be fine as long as it was warm and had cable. He could care less. I am completely opposite. I want to MOVE! There are several reasons that I want to move. One, we want to move BEFORE (which if this piss-ass housing economy in Michigan doesn't get better, I can't see it) our son is school age. Why? Because the area we are looking at moving into has FABULOUS public schools! My son has 2 years and I personally don't have much hope for this economy. ***sigh*** I also just want MORE SPACE!! I don’t have parties, functions, get togethers at my house because my house is soooooo small! All I have is a Kitchenette table that fits FOUR PEOPLE!!! How can I have more than ONE COUPLE over and be comfortable?????? I mean, I have living room furniture, but I would love to have a grown & sexy dinner party ....well, I can nix THAT idea living here! Also, there is no place for people to go! The basement is not finished and I can't see THAT getting done (due to cost) anytime REAL soon either!!! So, I just don't have people over though I love to entertain. I am just frustrated. And I feel like if I hadn't been SOOO quick to move and had looked at all of these factors,we might be able to buy a new house.

My husband is also of the "well, we just can't do it.....get over it and keep it moving" variety. I am still upset.

So, what this means to me is that we will have to wait LONGER for this house to appreciate to a "decent" level or for us to grow more equity in this house. When we got this house we said we'd be here for 3-5 years as this house is rather small---- we don't even have a formal dining room or formal living room. There is just a living/family room. My husband was like "well, we can now get the basement done and we will have more space". I guess I better make peace with that fuckin idea otherwise I will make myself sick***sigh***

I had thought that this might happen and that I would be O.K. with the idea of just “doing the basement” and that it would be all good if the #'s didn't come in right. But it’s not. I am pissed and frustrated and there is NOTHING.I.CAN.DO.TO.CHANGE.THIS. So... I am upset and left sitting here not unlike Langston..... lamenting.....

hello.....is it me you're looking for

2007-07-18T18:44:00.000-05:00

So, it's ben awhile folks...two months to be almost exact. Alot has happened in this time, my son gained another year in age, I lost a few pounds, I gained a new car, my mom lost an appendix, I gained an excercise regimen, and I lost a friend.

Honestly I haven't felt like blogging and haven't had the mindset or the inclination to do so. I still don't feel "up to" blogging much, but here I am. I have a little something to talk about, so here goes. Personally I don't think but 2 or three people read this stuff anyway, so I didn't really see the value in writing ( I NEED to feel like SOMEONE is reading. ):-)

Too much to talk about, so I just won't. I will move on and talk about work. That's a safe place to be. So, I have begun to start taking these leadership classes that are required to become a leader. This is a great company that I work for and I absolutely LOVE the fact that I am in classes that MOST of the 17 people that are in this class with me had to wait 2,3 or in a few cases FIVE years to get to. If you are already at the company, you MUST take this class. If you come in as a manager, you MUST take it AFTER you are hired. When we had an Icebreaker at our first class I think the LOWEST seniority person was 1 1/2 years. I do feel honored that my boss, Boss Diva (who is black and TEN years my junior, but is the bomb!) put me in this.

So, what is my issue? Well...... this company is one that works hard and plays hard. I have no problem with working hard but I have a life and MANY.MANY of the people (whose demographic is certainly young) , work to the point where they do NOT have a life (or their life starts after 9:00...when they leave work).

Can you say "HELL NAW"???? that simply CANNOT be me. I have too many responsibilities and TOO much OTHER shit I wanna do in my life. I already feel like I NE.VER have "me time" unless I am getting my hair done and that really doesn;t count because I am really scared that if I become a manager, THAT kinda shit will be "expected" of me, and I will either 1. have an attitude if I am forced to do something like stay until 8:00 or some mess, more than once a month or 2. just NOT be able to stay and "people" start to look at my leaving "on time" badly or 3. be ready to quit.

I do not want ANY of those to happen, but I fear being a manager. I really do. I am ready to have the responsibility from 8-5pm, but do NOT (nor can my life even ACCOMODATE) extreme amounts of O.T. I have a small child and my husband works really late days and we have not one "backup" to count on to get our child with any reliability or even someone that would be dependable in doing so! It's a truth I hope not to face. I PRAY for a managerial position where if I HAVE to do something, I can take it home! That's the best I can hope for.

20 Things

2007-05-30T19:14:00.001-05:00

I am thankful for:

1. My Mom still being alive and being able to spend time/talk to her.
2. My job...yes, it still gets on my nerves, but it is o.k.
3. My sanity
4. My Son...he really is the light of my life
5. My husband...even though HIS as drives me crazy sometimes too, he is a very good man and father
6. That I have cute feet... I am so glad that I do NOT have onion/bunyon/corntoe looking toes
7. My health
8. The ability to walk, talk and hear (that probably should count as 3, but oh well)
9. The Wisdom that I have gleaned over the years
10. Laughter
11. That feeling when you just feel so warm inside because of nothing in particular...guess that would be.. happiness
12. Going through all that I did with living with my father (who was a for real alcoholic)
13. My ability to sympathize and empathize
14. My ability to be impartial
15. My friends
16. Being able to say that there are few things I regret
17. Lessons learned because of the things I regret
18. Being not too hard on the eyes :-)(I am NOT vain by ANY stretch! I am harder on myself than I should be according to others, but I KNOW I ain't aesthetically unappealing.... wasn't that a nice way of saying "I'm glad I ain't u.g.l.y"?)
19. Knowing that I have marketable skills and that (God willing...) I can always make a living for myself and my family
20. No matter what happened the day before, knowing that I can get up tomorrow and try again if today wasn't all that great!

SICK AND FUCKING TIRED

2007-05-23T09:41:00.000-05:00

Done.

I don't care what anybody says or does ANYMORE. Not that I should have cared anyway. I have ENOUGH shit in my own FUCKING life to give a damn about. Plenty in fact. I'm simply out and outdone.

Since other people can be pissy, so can I !!! That's IT! Enough is enough.

NOBODY has to worry about me doing, saying, thinking or otherwise.

If PEOPLE can't be REAL with me, just don't BEat all.

DONE !!!

FUCK EVERYBODY!

And if this does NOT apply to you.... you have nothing to worry about...right?

How can you be you and get what you want? Life is full of sacrifice……sometimes

2007-05-22T10:09:00.000-05:00

How can you be you and get what you want? Life is full of sacrifice……

Being you….. isn’t always as easy as it should be. People always say “just be yourself” but in MANY instances, as you get older and your thoughts, ideas and preferences get more polarized, that isn’t as EASY as it sounds! You can’t just do or say anything in life , so I think that phrase is overrated and overused! LOL

We often have to make concessions, and sacrifices for who or what we know or think is right or what we “think” is who/where we want to be. Burt when is it too much and when do we begin to sacrifice what makes you, “you”? Self-awareness is a never-ending journey and you can get caught up in a tailspin of being something other than “you”. I ,personally, am still evolving and still learning new things about myself and have gotten caught in that tailspin before. I am constantly trying to in some way (self-talk, meditation, talking to friends) trying to get a better handle on being who I am and compromising for my overall happiness. So how can you get what you want and be yourself when the two ideas are not in sync? You have to understand what you need at the core of who you are. And if that means giving up OTHER ideas of what society thinks you should be doing and who you should be maybe that is the right road for you…maybe not.

But one thing I have learned is that you can’t hide from yourself…. You can but not (as I often say) without consequences and repercussions.

And you probably won’t end up being the “happiest” that you would have been had you just waited and evaluated the situation before acting on something . You can lie to everyone around you (maybe even convinced YOURSELF that this is what you want), but deep down, in the depths of your heard and mind….. you are there and there is where you will FIND …. you and you know the truth.

There have been times in my life where I KNEW that I should not have done certain things, made certain moves, had WARNING BELLS going off and felt a little “off” about something…but kept on full-steam ahead and came to regret it.

Now, I try to be as true to myself as I can. Life is too short not to be. YOUR LIFE is not textbook and I am coming to realize that there are no set guidelines on “when such-and-such” should be accomplished or successes attained. Societal “norms” often make this harder to see…...

I believe that as we get older we seek different things and out of those “different needs” sometimes comes “giving up this…to get that”. I get it. I simply believe that you should not have to change the WHOLE of who you are or what you like or what you are ready for at a certain point in your life…unless you are REALLY ready to EMBRACE (not just accept) the changes that you are making if you are not making them earnestly and whole heartedly.
Are we always happy? They say happiness is a choice. Do we make certain sacrifices in life? Yes. Are sacrifices a part of life? Yes. But the thing to remember is…..In the words of an old song by Teddy Pendergrass you can’t hide from yourself…. No matter where you go… there you are.

Think about it.

2007-05-03T15:07:00.000-05:00

Good things come in 3’s right?

Well, I can happily report that things have been going my way at work. I got praise for doing a good job and for going above and beyond my hiring goals for the month and got a “special” parking space (that was just luck) that is RIGHT next to the door! This is a HUUUGE deal because typically you could be S.O.L. if you do not get here early (which I usually do anyway), but God forbid you wanna go to lunch,… you DANG sho won’t get the spot BACK that you had! And we have soooo many people in this lot that one day a week (on a rotaiting basis) EVERYONE has to park at an off site lot and be shuttled in, because if we had EVERYONE here, EVERYDAY….. it just wouldn’t be possible. So, I basically NEEEEEVER go out for lunch cause I am not trying to walk from Timbuk 2 when I get back! Call it lazy, but yeah….. whatever…. LOL But nevertheless, I have had more praise at THIS job in 3 months than I did in 5 YEARS at the other place! GOOD RIDDANCE to all of their janky-stank asses! :-)

So, noooow….. I can go out during lunch and not have to worry about the whole "will I have to park a country-ass-mile away". Woo hoo!!!

So, anyway.....I went to New York to see my best friend graduate from the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. This school is in essence an acting school and I am so very proud of my friend. As I said here….. she is the most courageous person I know.

There were 96 graduates and about umm….3 of them were black! She graduated WITH HONORS and was never late or sick. She was also picked to be one of two speakers at commencement. The girl did her thizzle. And after graduation people (mostly white too) were coming up and applauding her speech and her professionalism. I mean, we couldn’t get out the DOOR for people coming up and telling her how WONDERFUL of a job she did. I was proud to be standing next to her. The girl tore it down! I always KNEW this, but now OTHERS are seeing it too.

This school was NO.JOKE people and if you think it was take this quote from one of the teachers:

“ A student once asked me what to do if they get sick or can’t make it to class (because you are graded on attendance) and I said…..don’t get sick or be absent”

Can you say damn? I woulda been kicked out the first MONTH! LOL And the kicker is that though this is a 2-yr program, you have to be INVITED to come back after 1st year. MANY of her classmates were not invited back.

So, while in NYC, we kicked it, shopped and had fun and here are a few pics from the weekend. She was THE best dressed out of the whole 96 people. I am not just saying that….she was. Take a look…..

Doesn't she look FABULOUS?????

here's a shot of the two of us in the subway after a hearty bit'o shopping on Canal St.

Us at a private graduation party:

So..... I wonder what my third "great" thing will be? **tapping fingers on temple eagerly awaiting ...***

I can't win

2007-04-17T15:21:00.001-05:00

I have come to the consensus within myself that this job is just that…a damn job. I like it less and les everyday (the actual duties, that is). I think that I should just trust my instincts when it comes to MY.DAMN.SELF sometimes. The reason that I do not like what I am doing is because I have NEVER wanted to be doing what I am doing…… doing recruiting as my sole job. I have always said that I NEVER wanted to do this and this alone. I knew that there were times in my old job when I had to do recruiting all day long that I’d be just all irritated because I was tired of talking to muthafuckas. But I have to have the lifestyle that I have to have. Or else, I believe that I could just be at the crib NOT working and going back to school. I am really considering this. But then again, I am really considering NOT doing that too. I am full’a contradictions. I have no answers. I just know that I feel burnt out already.

I am a lazy, slow-paced to medium-paced person by nature if left to my own devices. I am all about working SMARTER. This is why this job is sooo hard. I am not saying that I do not want to work, but this job is turning out to be more about "monitoring" our every move than it is about getting a fuckin job done if you ask me. You see, because we are constantly monitored and graded and for lack of a better word, "big brother'd" it is very distracting from getting ones fuckin job done.

I really know that this is not my last stop..... I wish I could transfer to another division (not because of Boss Diva.... I love her ...but because of the way they have her running things. They are on HER ass, so she is on ours. I try to remember that but it is hard to seperate the like that I feel for her and the HATE that I feel for the processes she enforces on us. I need to transfer to another realm in HR but can't until I have been there for 9 months. It was only THREE as of yesterday. I am already burnt out and feel irritated with theidea of gettin up and going to work.

It used to be that I hated my boss & the company who didn't appreciate SHIT, but didn't mind the work, now it's the EXACT polar opposite. LOOOVE the boss, Love the company, HAAAAAAAAATE the duties. I get so dang-dog TIRED ot talking to people alllllllllll day and that's ALL I do. It's mindless and boring. I wish I could be one of those people who are just resolved to the "It's just a job.... I don't take it home...I can just do a job and go home". I am not like that. I wish I were. Life would be easier if I were not so high strung sometimes, but I am. What can I say. I can only keep working on me and working on having the fortitude to keep going until I get to my 9th month so I can HOPEFULLY transfer to another department in the company. Sometimes ti just feel like I can't win.

Pee with me?

2007-04-06T06:55:00.000-05:00

Why is it that women have to go to the bathroom together?

I am asking this because I was about to go to the bathroom and one of my black co-workers (who I am cool with) said "Oh, I'll go with you". Now, I am sitting there thinking "uh...that's aw'iight pimpette.... I'm a big girl... I can go by MYSELF!" LOL

But she traipsed her ass in there anyway, as I cannot tell a grown assed woman she can't pee when she wants to!

But here's my thing..... I HATE it when people are even in the bathroom with me when I pee, HENCE my loathing of public bathrooms. It's just something about you being a flimsy-ass metal sheet away from someone who is doing one of the most (supposedly) private acts on earth!!! It's really DISGUSTING to me. Hearing it, smelling it (you all know folks, be letting out gas when they pee and sometimes (ladies please co-sign with me) bitches have just plain and simple ass funk---sometimes--- and it in general can be smelled from the stall NEXT to you!)

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

So, with that said, I would prefer if there was NO ONE with me to hear me pee or smell my farts!!!! Dayummit! That's probably why I can't STAND talking to someone in the next stall while I am in there! I was in the bathroom yesterday and BossDiva came in and sat in the stall RIGHT.NEXT to me!!! The reason I knew it was here is that she was talking to someone as she entered the bathroom and I heard her voice. Do ya'll think I uttered a WORD???? I was also hoping she didn't look and see my boot and say "Robyn is that you?" as I was getting my pants up and on ! I HATE bathroom banter! It seems so inappropriate! And I don't care if it's my BEST friend, my momma, or WHOEVER!!! Don't chat it up with me when I don't even condone us being THIS close to each other's "personal" bidness!!!! UUUUUGH!!!! And my best friend is good for wanting to use the "buddy" system when going to the bathroom. She is all things "girlie" and fru-fru-ie and likes that we're doing the "girlie thing" of going to the bathroom together....after all that's what girls do, right???? Well, let's start there..... I am a woman ----- not a fuckin girl----- I do not NEED yo ass with me for company , protection or anything ELSE in the potty! LOL But she gets REALLY irriated and we have actually gotten into ARGUMENTS because we've been out before and I have REFUSED to go with her! So, now, I just suck it up and go...even though I am cringing all the while! To me it's worse if someone you KNOW is able to "hear" you pee! I could care less about strangers! Well..not really... I hate for THEM to be in the bathrom too! LOL

So, if ya'll see me in the bathroom.... DON'T holla!

As Diva would say.. "TW"

2007-03-31T08:02:00.000-05:00

Hey ya'll! Are ya back for another exciting look into my mind? Hope so :-)

How about there is this white chick at work that is pregnant. She is kinda dingy, but nice and very "by the book" and "everything-the-right-way-all-the-time-oh-my-God-you-can't-break-ANY-protocol" type of chick. Anyway she's nice enuf. We'll call her the "6footer" (cause the bitch is tall as HELL and damn near 6 ft.). So, one day we were at work and this other white chick, "Wrinkles" (so named becuase she is my age...36 and has MORE wrinkles than most 50 year old black people I know) and I were talking about how big 6footer's belly has gotten. She's like "shhhh...don't tell 6footer ..... she'll be really self conscious...."

WTF???? Look.... I look at it like this: If you DIDN'T want to look like you swallowed a DINOSAUR, DON'T FUCK AND GET PREGNANT!

I just looked at Wrinkles like what the fuck ever. Because.... about 3-4 days earlier, we were talking .....again...about pregnancy and for those of you who do NOT know...I had a HORRIBLE "birthing experience". I had the BEST pregnancy (not one single day of morning sickness and just a bit of sciatica in my right leg. But my DELIVERY..... well how about to make a VERY long story, short.... I was being induced for FIVE days (for those of you ladies who have kids but have never been induced, I have had it told to me from friends who had children both naturally and by induction that it is MUCH more painful to be induced. Top that off with the fact that MOST people who are induced have the baby the SAME.FUCKIN.DAY....well, not me... SIX days later my child was born). And maybe because I have no problem "sharing" my story, I have no interest in being "hush hush" about any part of MY experience.

Soooo.....one day, 6footer is saying that she has to go take the "diabetes test" (this is a test that prenant women have to take to see if they have Gestational Diabetes at about 6 months or so of pregnancy......the test entails drinking the equivalent of some flat pop...either orange or lemon lime...that has 2 cups of sugar poured into 8oz of pop...so it's SYRUPY sweet. They then test your blood after and hour to see of your body has properly conpensated for the "sugar rush" and if not you would have Gestational Diabetes. They will then make you come BACK to take ANOTHER test, if the results are bordeline. This time you have to take a FOUR HOUR test, in which you do the same thing, but you have to sit there .....can't leave or eat anything....for four hours to see for SURE if you have it.)

Well, I DID have Gestational Diabetes and went through this,so I was saying "yeah, that was a pain...blah, blah.... sitting there for 4 hours was a pain...blah blah...". So, I said to 6footer "I am sure you will be fine.... it isn't SUPER, SUPER common, so you will be just fine". I was then talking to Wrinkles who has 3 kids, and said (kinda away from 6footer but not whispering either)"Wrinkles, do you think that Gestational Diabetes is common??" Why did this bitch give me a dumb ass blank look and I had to ask her AGAIN "do you think it's common?". She was apparently trying to give me the "Shut the fuck up about this and don't scare 6footer" by NOT saying anything. She was just like "I don't know.... " dry as shit, with that dumb-ass look on her face. I then "got it" and just said "Oh", gave her a disgusted look and walked away. I wanted to SLAP them wrinkles off her pasty-ass face! UGHHHHHHHHHH! I was sooooooooo irritated!

Man, FUCK 6footer!!!

If you are SCARED to hear about complications or other shit about pregnancy INCLUDING THE PAIN OF BIRTH..which IS potentially (the pain part)in your near future, then BITCH YOU SHOULDN'TA OPENED YO FUCKIN LEGS!!! And that my friends is REALLY the way I look at it. You should be INTERESTED to hear shit or at least just for informational sake in CASE ill shit happens to you!

Do you think that I DIDN'T want to hear about the possible causes of "SIDS" just because I didn't want to face it or AIDS for that matter or any other complication because it hadn't happend to my child??? NO! That is just stupid! Fuck that! Man the fuck up....that's just life and reality. I HATE PAIN , so how many times do you think I heard people say it hurt???? I, unlike her ass, wanted to know more so I could "potentially" be as prepared (as one can be) and to just have general knowledge or to take preventative measures (i.e. talking to my dr. about epidural's or other pain control) so that I could be PREPARED just in case. Was I scared? HELL YES! But did I need to FACE THE FUCKING FACT that things just MAY happen to me?? YES! I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate people who try to "run" away from even being informed about shit outside of what you "hope will happen" or "how you want it to go" (which is usually NEVER the way it goes). That's just ignorant to me. I guess that's why it bothered me so much.....

I was so irritated by both 6footer (who had acted scary about birth/pregnancy details a bit, before) and Wrinkles that all I could do was take it back to what Diva says....... "TW..... (they white)". Black people TYPICALLY aren't all scary and stupid about the fucking facts of life! Maybe that's because we have it harder on a general basis than they do ANYWAY.... but I also think that whites and blacks just view certain things ...differently. I have told my story MANY times (to blacks AND other whites) and I have never had that kind of "oooh, don't scare the pregnant lady" type of reaction.

Whatever. Call it mean, but I will CONTINUE to put my .02cents in as I see fit. Not to scare her but not to censor my experience since these "stories" typically come out in the midst of "group conversation".

If she's "scared" to hear MY STORY (see: dumb ass MY STORY will probably NOT be YOUR story) then she's gon have a long road ahead of her goofy ass.

The Ring......

2007-03-20T15:40:00.000-05:00

It’s been a long time…. I shouldn’t have left you…..

But I did! HA!

Anyway…I am back…. And the job is going…well..it;s going as well as can be expected! I am however, getting more used to the “craziness” at this job. The people are really great to work with and the company in general is a great one to work for.

Here’s the question of the day: Why was I talking to someone who has been with someone for 8 years and these two folks are not engaged, betrothed or anything. They just “boyfriend/girlfriend”. That boyfriend/girlfriend shit get’s EXPIRED after 3 years TOPS in my book. But then again I will be 37 this year and AM married. She is not even 30 and has been with this clown the MOST of her adult life.

Not let me preface the meat of this post with this: I do not know the woman real well, I work with her, we are referring to Boss Diva. She is mad cool and has her shit TO.GE.THER on the work front. But this African she’s been messing with (I say “messing with” because after 8 damn years and NO ring…that’s what it is! Some mess!) is throwing cow patties on her happily-ever-after.

Soooooo……, check this out: we have a meeting in her office and she tells me that they went this past weekend to “look at rings” and then she asked me “Robyn….. did your husband and you pick out your ring or did you just pick it out?” I said “well… I told him the style, cut of diamond, how the sides were to be,etc….but we never picked it out per se together”. She then says “ Why did Slowpoke (I am naming him that because he has taken waaaaaaaaaay too long to get this girl a ring) tell me that he didn’t like the ring I chose and that he feels that we should BOTH like the ring and that he didn’t want to get it?”

I said “ex-cuse-zemay me?” WHY IN THE HELL DOES THAT AFRICAN HAVE TO LIKE IT???? As long as the ring doesn’t have a Nazi sign or ain’t green, purple and black he has NOTHING.TO.SAY about it as far as MY Black ass is concerned! So, she then goes on to say that “ I just remained calm but disagreed with him and we got into a small argument about it, but in the end I said to myself Boss Diva if you can’t compromise on THIS you do not need to get married”.

Dog…… I QUICLY told her,…..uh….. sweetie, the ring that YOU HAVE TO WEAR has NOTHNG to do with HIM!!! I am SORRY! Regardless of WHAT ring a woman picks I have YET to hear ANYONE criticize the MAN for the ring selection!!! EVERYBODY knows that the ring is TYPICALLy and almost ALLLLLLLWAYS in this day and time, chosen by the WOMAN!!!

That is the most SELFISH shit I have even heard! And I am glad that SHE did realize that too…..but she’s still saying that she WILL compromise on the ring.

wouldn’t be me….. that is THE most personal piece of jewelry I will own and to me it SHOULD be something above all else, that I LIKE……NOT YOU! That is NOT fair! But it is apparent that she really just wants to get married…. And I am not criticizing… I am just saying…… when you want something you make HUGE concessions that take you out of the realm of reasonable into the realm of ridiculous…… I have done it too…..

I just wish I could scream to her to NOT let this marriage BEGIN with a HUGE compromise of self. There is NOTHING wrong with compromise, as a matter of fact, without it a marriage will die, but there are SOMETHINGS that should NOT be compromised and to me, that damn ring is #1 on the list!

All I got

2007-02-21T20:02:00.000-05:00

So…. It’s been a while since I posted. Ain’t nothing much changed…… I am getting more used to being overworked and feeling like I can never catch up (just a little bit)….. ½ of me feels like “FUCK IT….. I can only do what I can do”, then the other half of me (the part that wants to do a good job) feels like “O.K….. new day, new chance to catch up”, but the latter never comes. So I just rely on the first sentiment and keep it moving.

<

I am still inundated with shit to do at work and never seem to have a chance to even FIND the time to blog, bullshit or do ANNNY of the shit I used to do at work and I miss it. The reason is simple. Dig the equation:

People who want EVERYTHING yesterday + a work culture that supports it + more work to do than is accomplishable in a reasonable 40 hour work week + me NOT staying late and NOT really fucking WANTING/having the oportunity to do work at home

= My life in stress

This is why shit is stressed. The shit is not rocket science. But shit just piles up and I never seem to catch up. Check this out……..This bastard sent me an e-mail yesterday which basically said that he was pissed and (and I quote) “at a loss for words……. because Ms. Such-and-such that I referred to the company has NOT been given a call and I sent you this e-mail (an e-mail talking about how great his dumb-ass friend is)2 weeks ago”.

I sooooooooooo started to send him some shit that said basically “muthafucka she ain’t OWED SHIT if you ask ME”. But you know I can’t do that. And this company is so fanatical about returning calls/customer service that the founder/president told EVERYONE in the orientation that he would PERSONALLY (and I fuckin quote), “root you out if you do not return calls…..” He said that when he get s a call that there is a complaint (from outside customers more so) that you haven’t returned a call, he WILL.CALL.YOU to ask you “why”. I was thinking “are you serious dude????!” This is an organization with over 4,200 people in it and you will CALL.ME if someone complains about something as simple as me not returning a call?????? So, you know that I was super paranoid when I got that shitty-ass e-mail from this jackass! I just am sooooooo busy that shit does slip through the cracks! I thought that I was pretty organized, but I have never had 20 things going on at once like there are here. Usually there were 5-10 things going on, NOT 20 things. Know what I mean?? And there was far less pressure to “get EVERYTHING done NOW”. Also, the thing that makes this job MORE frustrating is that we (the recruiters) have to report EVERY.WEEK in a meeting, how many interviews we had, how many supervisory interviews we had, how man offers were made, how many offers were signed…… I am NOT used to being tracked EVERY.FUCKIN.WEEK and I do NOT like it!!!! That’s WAAAAAAAY too much attention to my every move! I hate that.

The only bright spot in this: The day flies by……

But I can NOT seem to shake the feeling that I just want to be able to do as I did for five years….. bullshit AND get work done….. and that simply AIN’T reality. So, as it sounds…. I am making some peace with it or just resolving to the idea that it is what it is.

I have been thinking about this and today I am so irritated because it just seems like I am so behind….ALL THE TIME….. I know that I am still in a “learning curve” but I hate being in that stage and in EVERY OTHER JOB that I have EVER.HAD I had time to acclimate comfortably(see: 3-4 months) or even LONGER than that.

I am not a quitter, and by even thinking “I’m not sure if I can do this”, I feel like I am giving up in some way, so I keep thinking that maybe I am 1. being to hard on myself and that it will get easier. So, a natural question (as was Zed's question) is "Are OTHER mufucka's all running around like crazy and do they seem pressed?" My answer is no. I do know that the others do NOT have as MANY jobs as I do (other than my boss..after all,...she IS still a recruiter so she DOES recruiting too). But I SWEAR the other mu’fucka’s do NOT seem as “pressed and stressed” as I am!!! Only one other person on the team has a child and her ass got THREE of them….all 6 yrs and younger! So I know she don’t be staying all late and shit, but my boss, Boss Diva, stays late (as in until 8:30-9:00 almost EVERY.NIGHT. and at least 2 of the other ones stay late too. That ain’t me. Not only can I NOT stay like that, I have a kid and even if I didn’t, I DO.NOT want to stay that late.

Yeah I know this complaining about this is getting old, but I am continually frustrated about it. Always pressed….can barely take a lunch….am working (for real, for real) from the moment I step IN THERE until I leave!). The only thing that is saving them is that I like the company and what it stands for……

Anyway…… that lil boy is the main reason I am doing this… providing another income to allow him/me/us to live a decent lifestyle…….

I am asking Boss Diva again tomorrow “Am I doing enough????” , cause I can’t gauge shit!

Second week in hell....

2007-02-01T11:17:00.000-05:00

My second week in hell……

I ain’t made it to purgatory yet.

Well, things are making more sense here but I am STILL going crazy and as of yesterday when I had TWENTY bodies that are needed to fill 13 separate positions, I almost lost it. On Wednesday I was SO FRUSTRATED that I almost broke down in tears.

My boss, a.k.a. Boss Diva had said “yeah….. you got a few too many positions…I’mma give some of them to African1”. I was thinking cool. Well, she and I had scheduled a time to go over the “workload” and how the jobs were progressing (before she left to go out of town) and just how I was feeling in general. I had been said that I needed to talk to her about the workload. I was given NO. LEARNING.CURVE. I was just thrown into the fire and the heat was getting a little too hot. But I didn’t want her to think “oh shit….. I hired the WRONG person, she can’t handle it”. I didn’t know what to say to her. I was so irritated on Wednesday just THINKING about talking to her that I couldn’t even sleep right. I mean, even though she is black and cool and young and very much more like me than anyone I have worked with in a LONNNNG time….. she is STILL my boss and I STILL got the feeling that because she has been here for almost 3 years that she is “desensitized” to the level of PURE.WORK that they expect people to do around here!

Thought confirmed.

Between Wednesday and Thursday 4 more positions came open. Well, when we went to talk yesterday, she was like “O.K…..I completely understand……. well I will take these 3 and I will give ONE to African1”. WTF?????? ONE?????????????????? He has FIVE bodies that needs for positions. I have 19!!!!! I mean, does she NOT see that what she SAID she would do (i.e. take some pressure off me) was negated by the fact that I really HAD 19 and then when the 4 came in were all that she TOOK I was left in the same boat relatively.

Well, we talked yesterday and I had to tell her that I am FLAT OUT overwhelmed (I didn’t tell her that I wanted to cry the day before). Now, my girls Diva and TS used to work with this girl and when I was telling TS that I Was so upset and overwhelmed because people want EVERYTHING NOOOOOOOOOOW and I am ALWAYS feeling behind, she said “ you know what Robyn? Your boss, BossDiva, was JUST.LIKE.THAT. when she went to that company….I used to talk to her ALL THE TIME and she used to feel just as overwhelmed”. Well, TS made me fedl a bit at ease so I was looking forward to going into this meeting and coming out with at LEAST ½ of the 19 jobs taken away since I HAVE only been here TWO FUCKIN WEEKS.

Uh…… how about (though I love her cause she’s cool) BossDiva has OBVIOUSLY forgotten how stressful it is and how TIME consuming just sourcing, phone screening, interviewing for ONE job is and when you have ALL THESE DIFFERENT people breathing down your THROAT and back, that it’s simply ridiculous cause she took four of the (since Wednesday ) now TWENTY-THREE positions away, but that still left me WHERE? RIGHT THE FUCK BACK WHERE I STARTED!!!!!!!!! So you know what? I now have this feeling about it: I will bust my ass and do what I can, but it will GET done when it GET’S done! FUCK THAT! I just ENDED a stressed all to HELL job (though I was stressed for different reasons) but I am NOT going to be stressed here like THAT too. No. I mean, she just DIDN’T.GET.IT. And I do not know how BETTER to make her get it.

She started trying to problem solve and was like “Well, maybe we can have interview blitz days where all we do is interview…….just tell the managers that they will not see resumes for 5-7 days after the job is posted because you are working on many positions……”. I was thinking “BITCH! Do you NOT remember how it was for YOU???? What I NEEEEEEEEEED is about 8-9 less JOBS to focus on since I am still BRAND-STANKIN-NEW!!!!!! THAT is what I NEEEEED!!!!! Or do you just CARE NOT TO remember how it was for your ass???” And ya’ll I didn’t cut NO words for the most part with her ass. I TOLD HER, FLAT THE FUCK OUT (though I left out the part about being stressed almost into tears….she DAMN sure didn’t need to know THAT!) that I was STRESSED, OVERWHELMED and VERY OVERWHELMED. Period. There was no mincing of words. So I do not understand why I still have 19 jobs and there is African1 floating around with 5 (oops, she gave him ONE of mine, so he has 6) jobs when I was PROMISED some help. Giving him one funky ass job AIN’T help!

I just feel that I need to be more able to “ease” my way , but that apparently ain’t to be. So…… I will make my OWN ease and take it like THAT!

Hmmpph.

Lata.

And don’t be fooled people…..I am STILL happy to have a job!.

My first week in hell

2007-01-21T09:56:00.000-05:00

Hello girls and boys!

Here's a recap of my first week at work:

1. These people W.O.R.K. seemingly every second of the day (I am HOPING this is just my skeweing of what really IS). **I AM happy to have a job though**

2. I have no problem with working, but am NOT.USED.TO.WORKING.AT.A.PACE. like that. Period. Nor do I WANT to get "used to" working at a pace like that. I have NEVER had a job where I have been busy damn near EVERY.SECOND.OF.THE.DAY. And fuck that "it makes the day go by faster" shit. **I AM happy to have a job though**

3. This business is growing SO FAST that there are literally 200 (give or take) people hired per month. The recruiting team ain't THAT big. So that's alot of interviewing, talking screening, and hiring. And this business is STILL growing!! That's good and bad.
- Good: Job security.....it ain't tied to automotive THANK GOD, opportunities to move up quickly
-Bad: There is ALWAYS more work to do in LESS time. There seems to be no room to "pace" yourself
**I AM happy to have a job though**

4. The people seem nice and the company for the MOST part is a "young" culture, meaning my rough guesstimate is that about 75-85% of the people are age 21-45. And that INCLUDES senior management! I have allllllways been used to working with old, stodgy, white men (or women)who (sr. mgt-wise)were between 45-65. There is a HUUUUUUGE difference! The ideas are fresher here and due to age, they (unfortunately) work like Hebrews. My ass can NOT be the one staying until 8 and 9pm on ANY night. I have a young child who I HAVE TO pick up (my husband can NOT pick him up on most nights because HE is "the one" in his job to be staying late and shit. Can't have TWO of us, when we have NO oner to pck up our child, so it has to be me.) **I AM happy to have a job though**

5. There is a difference between working hard (which is semi-o.k.) and working like a HEBREW. It "seems" like they work like the latter. **I AM happy to have a job though**

6. I have literally come home with a headache almost everyday and woken up with one too from sheer exhaustion and my nose has "spontaenously" started to bleed on two of those days. I think that is a combo of being off work for two and a half months and not doing SHIT half the time at my last job. ( I had pleeeeeeeeeeeenty of free time at my last job...hell, there were some weeks where I coulda worked reeeeeeeeeally hard for ONE day and took the rest of the week off and been O.K.). I also am having to learn the jobs that I will be recruiting for and the jobs are complicated and it's really like learning a whole new language because of what the jobs entail. Think about how stressful and straining it is to be in "learning mode" for an 8-hour period......where you have to pay "hard" attention and really learn every second because you KNOW you can't afford to be going back and saying "now what did you say...I really wasn't paying that much attetnion before". That is why (I am sure) that I have had these nosebleeds. Too much intense strain on my brain in a very short period of time.

My boss has had me sitting with people and trying to learn the jobs that I will be recruiting for (which is a GREAT thing actually)(but when I say that I have been sitting with people to "job shadow" back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back..... I mean just that! No breaks for a 3 hour period...and new info. with every 30 minute session! WTF???? One day my boss didn't even take into account when she set me up for shit that I needed a LUNCH hour! So, on that day.... I didn't get one because I had to shuttle from one location to the other and didn't have time to stop or it woulda put me behind for all SUCCESSIVE meetings she had me scheduled for!) , in additon to meeting with HER boss, going to a preliminary orientation and just learning other basic shit about the job).

I have been so BUSY this week that on a couple days I barely had time to EAT!!! Now, I personally think that my boss (who is like 30) does NOT realize how stressful of a week she just put me through. She's used to it and maybe because she be staying late as SHIT (she has no husband and no children) she can do shit AFTER most of us leave.....**shrug** But I also feel that I can't tell her "you need to slow this shit the FUCK down and let me at LEAST soak in the culture before you throw me in HEAD-FIRST to the fucking wolves!" because I feel like she might think (to herself) "aww shit..... I TOLD her we were busy as fuck and she CAN.NOT handle it". We don't want her to feel like that because it's not about that. I am a new employee and I haven't even been able to sit and READ through the 2inch thick binder of shit that I was given!!! My theory is that when people are just coming to a job, you need to let them get acclimated SLOW.LY , not snatch them onto the train and leave their legs dangling outside the caboose! And that is how I feel. **I AM happy to have a job though**

5. I hope that this tired.as.shit feeling goes away and shit gets better or I might keep searching. **I AM happy to have a job though**

6. The benefits and little 'perks' are GREAT!!! Also the company's ideas are quite revolutionary and the environment is (minus every employee seemingly being stretched thin) a fun environment to work in. **I AM happy to have a job though**

7. And I have NO idea if I can blog or not (still trying to figure out how "secure " and strict their internet restrictions are....yes,I know..... I ain't trying to get FIRED in week one.) Personally after reading the policy I "think" they do not monitor your shit per se, but I think that there is some kinda direct alarm that identifies you to I.T. if you go on a porn site (becasue in the manual it says "while we don't monitor your internet usage....if you access sites with porn, racially offensive or other similarly offensive sites you WILL be automatically idendified" ...which would NEVER be an issue with me!). But I am just wading in the waters for right now..... ya know? Feeling shit out. Actually, I wanna ask this black girl (cool girl from the hood) if I can go to other sites other than "sites needed for work". Actually, I AM going to ask her..... tomorrow! I know she will tell me!!

So, there you have it. My first week in hell (and I mean that oh-so-lovingly). Hopefully I will move BACK to purgatory at LEAST because I do like the people and the team I am working on (at least I think I do! HA!!!) LOL I know, there's always a learning curve and I don't know how to communicate to my boss (even though she's a young black chick) that though I KNOW we are busy, I need more of a slowed pace to "get in the groove" of the organization. I guess there is no way and I will just have to take it one headache/nosebleed at a time. Take it for what it's worth...... I'm going back to bed and again.... knowing ones limitations is KEY.

I am usually TOO busy too tired to blog at night, so I'll see ya'll when I see ya'll.

**I AM happy to have a job though**

Learning Hard lessons

2007-01-14T18:35:00.000-05:00

SIDEBAR: CLICK HERE FOR A****JOB SEARCH UPDATE****

I grew up as an only child, my mother’s prized possession. My mother, a proud, slightly introverted, fiercely protective over me, private and uberly fabulous fashionable woman was always in style. When I was little I can remember going to the then J.L. Hudson’s ,Saks 5th Avenue and a local upscale type of store called Jacobson’s department stores and loving seeing all the clothes. Usually when we went, my mom would buy me a little something and as I got older I came to expect it when we went out. It didn’t take long for me to be lured by the intoxicating elixir that malls entice so many women with. And I was living up to my “genetic predisposition” towards shopping!

I can remember being 9 years old (this was in 1979) and Gloria Vandebilt, Calvin Klein, Sassoon and Jordache jeans were all the rage. Well, G.V. had the matching jean jackets in a plethora of pastels to please everyone. My mom would ROUTINELY buy me these name brand clothes and at that age I can REMEMBER getting a STANK-ASS attitude if she DIDN’T buy me what I wanted, when I wanted it. I was turning into a brat. She would of course threaten not to get me NOTHING and I would still silently pout (if nowhere else but in my mind) and hope that MAYBE she would still get it (whatever “it” was) for me. Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn’t.

Little did I know that my mother, being a single mom, sometimes had no money or little money. She was the type if I asked her how much she made or ANYTHING about her “business” the only answer I would get was a question, “why?” She was fiercely private, even with me. Just the other day when we were talking she said to me “I tried to shield you from the fact that sometimes money was soooooo tight……. *pause*…..sometimes I only had soup for lunch or no lunch at all”. These are things that I have gleaned from her only in recent years. I never saw a hint of that shit. All I can remember is getting MOST of what I wanted and having a normal, happy childhood. When I was a child I can remember Christmas morning’s waking up to at LEAST 30-40 presents under the tree and I looked forward to that SOOOOO much. I remember us living in a fairly upscale downtown apt. (partially because as a single mom she did not want a house with a toddler to raise----she left my father when I was 3----nor did she want to have to even THINK about my father, who was an alcoholic, possibly being able to gain access to our domicile or showing up acting crazy at our door, so she paid MORE to live in an apt. building with a 24-hr lobby guard and underground parking). My father could act a COMPLETE ass when he was drunk. But I never knew how HARD it apparently was for her or what kinda credit card debt she was in.....not until I was WAY grown. She was the type of parent that was DEFINITELY of the “I am yo momma, NOT yo friend and MY business is just that---MYYYYYYY business so don’t ask!”

I think that type of mentality did me both a service and a disservice. On one hand it was great that she shielded me from some of the grown-up harshness of not having or struggling or just being stressed out. I can literally NEVER remember my mother being impatient or cross with me due to her bad day or lack of money. My mother was a constant even keel. I found out in recent years that that is because that is how she deals with things…..she bottles them up until she can’t take it and then shit comes flying out. She says that is something about herself that she wishes she didn’t do. Thing is, I never saw that side of her. On the flip side if I had have seen some of her angst over money or situations, I might not have developed a false sense of “I'm really not worried about what might go wrong.....everything will just take care of itself” that haunts me even today. It is so hard for me to save money. She is and was a great mother and I am glad she doesn’t read this because she might take what I am saying the wrong way and that is far from my intent. But I now know that it is because of how SHE dealt with money that has, albeit unintentionally, taught me how to deal with money and has caused my STILL tumultuous affair with money.

I am a person who believes that because I work hard, I should be able to get whatever the FUCK I want to get and uh…yeah, yeah, yeah….. I’ll pay for it later. When in college and immediately after I had more credit cards than the law allows. I amassed a $22,000 debt in about 4-5 years. I traveled some with friends, shopped, bought Via Spiga shoes like they were Nine West shoes and generally did what I wanted. Then when I was about to turn 30, I decided that enough was enough. I could hardly make the MINIMUM payments on my credit cards and of COURSE the balances BARELY decreased each month. I was so bothered that I PHYSICALLY felt the effects of having that debt hanging over my head. I felt like I was about to develop an ulcer. There were months where after paying bills and gas for my car that I had like $70 for food and I DO NOT take kindly to Ramen Noodles, so I got a second job to help. I hated it. I do NOT like working 2 jobs. I like to relax and fucking CHILL when I come home! I swore EVERY.DAY.THAT.I.WORKED.I consolidated ALL my credit cards except for one Visa with a company that simply talks to your creditors to get you lower payments each month and basically cancels your credit with that store (which DID fuck up my credit) and paid it all off by the time I was 34. I did it 10 days before my 34th birthday.

But my demons still remain. I am 36. I still do not save and I still like to shop , for what I want, when I want (within reason and budget). The credit card debt is nowhere NEAR the 22k, but it’s not zero either. My husband is the EXACT.OPPOSITE. He is a saver. Since we have been together he has , admittedly, “let me have most of the discretionary money each month and because it makes me happy and even though it PAINS him NOT to be more frugal….spend it how I want to and NOT focus on saving”. This is counterintuitive to his soul and we have gotten into MORE BLOW-UP, KNOCKDOWN, ARGUMENTS over money. I just never seem to have enough to do/get/spend what I want AND save. So, I don’t do the latter.

Well, as all of you know my recent job loss has refocused a number of things for me. I will be starting a new gig on Tuesday and prior to the loss of my job, I had begun to really read Single Ma and starting to learn more about money in an attempt to reprogram my hardwired desire to NOT take saving seriously. After all, my mother didn’t save, thusly I never saw the value in saving and I have been “lucky” enough to have someone to bail me out of those few times when I needed some money. Like I said, I do NOT blame her because SHE was never taught and since my daddy didn’t help her out with SHIT, she was IT as far as income. I didn’t have a savings account or a college savings plan. It just wasn’t possible. But I shopped. My mother ALWAYS let me have (within reason) a lot of what I wanted. But the thing I needed was a respect for money. That’s a hard one. I can remember being a kid and my mom saying that she didn’t have money on her for something simple and I’d be like “well, just go get some out of the bank”. To me it was just that simple ---- go get it cause I know you have it----and she never gave me a reason to feel OTHER wise. My momma was college educated and had a master’s degree but those do not make a finance major and if SHE was never taught it, she couldn’t teach me. It is still a demon I face daily. I intend to reverse that with my child and with myself. After all I am nearing 40 with nothing to show for SHIT. This is my coming out and my child is my impetus for change. Change is hard, but I know that I must for the betterment of my family. I am gathering …….slowly…..books on saving and we plan on visiting this guy that I went to high school and college with who is a financial planner very soon. I am also going to enroll in the 401(k) plan IMMEDIATELY. Though I am making LESS than I was at my other job, there is no time or opportunity like the present to get it together and make some positive moves.

Through the constant urging of my husband and maybe a little bit of old fashioned maturity, I see (**I’m getting there**) that I can’t just do what I want to do and not be patient. Oh, and that’s ANOTHER HUGE fault of mine that has been one SINCE probably….birth! I am NOT patient. I would rather have things NOW…..and saving is COMPLETELY opposite of that. I have always felt when I did get a lil money in the bank “DAMN, what I could be DOING with that cheddar!”. I simply have never had a forward thinking mindset.

But I am changing that within myself and my heart so that my child knows how to handle money starting now and much earlier than his mother did.

I got a job!!!

2007-01-12T08:33:00.000-05:00

I GOT A JOB YA’LL!!!

O.K, before I get into the glitz-n-glam about my new job (not!), I am gonna say this: It is NOT the job that I wanted but my girl Diva hooked me up with the connect that GOT me this job, so for that and her I am EXTREMELY thankful!!

The job is a Recruiter position, which is something that I have ALLLLLLLLLLLLWAYS said I NEVER (and I repeat,) NEVER wanted to SOLELY do. (murphy’s law huh? That this is the ONE thing –other then payroll—that I said that I.DID. NOT want to do in the HR realm and that is EXACTLY what came my way!) Why? Because I have been an HR Manager for 7 years. Being an HR Manager means that you do a variety of functions in a variety of areas ( employee relations questions, benefits, compensation, recruiting, orientations, training, etc). whereas being a recruiter is just that……. Recruiting. Nothing more, nothing less. ***crickets***

So, my MAIN reason for taking this job is that the pay (though it is less) is only $7,000, less and I have the ability to make that up because the employees in this company get between a 1-25% bonus (with most people averaging between 10-15% !!!!). AND the fact that my black ass needed a job! PRONTO! And the benefits are ALMOST as good as the last company I worked for (the main difference is that the company I used to work for followed the Big 3’s shutdown schedule----meaning I got a week off in July and the WHOLE week of Christmas off…..and PAID…..yeah….I’mma miss THAT shit badly…**big assed sigh**).

The one other downfall of this job is that there is NO.PRIVACY. When I say that I mean that I do not have my own cube. I SHARE a fuckin cube which is set up in a semi-circle set-up and me & my semi-circle-mate sit at either end of the semi-circle. I HATE, and I REPEAT, I HATE this set-up. I need privacy. I have ALWAYS had privacy. At least a fucking cube to myself man!!!! And the WHOLE company is like this!!! My boss SHARES an office which to me looks like a big assed cube! And the bad thing about her office is that her BACK is to the window! (I personally HATE having people sneak up on me and me not know that they are there and I HATE having my back to doors. And I do mean HATE.) I mean, I can’t pick my nose, look at e-mail, BLOG, just relax for a couple minutes or so NOTHING without another bitch looking over my shoulder and possibly judging what I am/am not doing !!!! AND….. I’ll be sitting with my BACK to my semi-circle-cubemate, so who KNOWS if she’s looking at my computer screen if I TRY to say, look at a blog, e-mail……etc…..UGHHHHHHH!!!!!

***SIDENOTE*** Now ya’ll probably are saying how you gon be concerned with BLOGGING & READING E-MAILS and yo ass ain’t even THERE yet and JUST got the job! Well, ya’l tell me (for those of you that have been used to doing it) if your blogging abilities were taken away or if there was suddenly someone looking at EVERY.THING you sent on e-mail that YOU wouldn’t be bothered! Well, that’s how I feel….. I was USED to having those flexibilities (which I viewed as part of keeping me SANE at work) and now they are seemingly gone. Some friends have said that “everybody ain’t working 100% of the time EITHER, so don’t worry….. you won’t be the only one doing “other” things at work”……. Yeah….. o.k….we’ll see.

You know how sometimes if you are having a rough day or just need to have a semi-private conversation a cube provides you with that 5 minutes of down-time to be semi-private, but here…… NOPE! I will see how that works…..cause I have my reservations to be honest. Flatly put….. I don’t like it and probably never will.

The GOOD thing is that the chick who will be my boss is a young (younger than me…..about 30 or so) black chick. I can honestly say that the BEST jobs that I have EVER had were working for the two black women that I worked for. They were EXTREMELY articulate, educated and professional, but BOTH were “real” and fair. This chick seems the same. She already said that her motto is "as long as you get the job done...I don't care.....". And even though she’s younger than me (which is iggin’ me a lil bit) and the fact that I feel like this job is a step DOWN in terms of responsibility and I feel like it might make it HARDER for me to move BACK into a manager’s role…… I am hoping it will be cool.

If nothing else, it IS a job and isn’t that what I needed?????? YUP!!! I just know that if I stay in this role (recruiter) that it WILL be harder and harder to get a managerial job in the future. I know it will. Kinda like if I went from being a manager to customer service for 3 years, they'd look at you like "well you have been outta the functional 'loop' so to speak" and might pass you by for a managerial role. So, I can't stay in this position for long...... I feel that I am handicapping my OWN career by doing so. ya know?? And being black in America is ENOUGH of a handicap that I do NOT need a position that I worked so HARD to get, to be negated by this downgrade. So, if I don’t see some promotional opp’s soon (like within a year), especially given my background….. I’mma be looking again. It’s kinda like going from being a sous chef to a dishwasher…….. so I gotta get back into management…..use it or lose it.

But thankfully I haven’t missed ANY money since I just stopped getting paid on 12/28 and I have gotten 2 weeks of unemployment already and I start on Tuesday. So, I thank GOD for the blessing and the opportunity (yeah, I know I have been all complaining, but I am STILL thankful). So, save the “you shouldn’t be complaining” commentary….. because I am thankful…VERY thankful in fact… but as in everything in life, with some good comes some bad……

I’m just happy to be back to working soon!

The Time is Now.....to make a change.

2007-01-04T11:44:00.000-05:00

Where I wanna be…..

There’s something in me that is real that wants to make a difference, and then…..there is something in me that says “fuck it, live for yourself”. But one thing that I have learned about myself (as is true with most humans) I get the most satisfaction from feeling of service.

In the year 2007 there are some things that I want to do.

1. Feel better in my core about the contribution I , personally, am making to the world.
2. lower my blood pressure (because I get so worked up over shit )and take on the old adage “change the things you can and don’t worry about the things you can’t” or something like that.
3. Get back to who “I” am…..and start making my life the best it can be.
4. Really change my eating habits and lose some weight
5. Try not to let other people’s realities control me
6. Be a better mother & wife
7. Control anger and anxiety
8. Save more and desire less

These aren’t necessarily “resolutions” to me they are ongoing goals.

I truly like giving back to people whether it be through my photography (giving people a product that they love), or simply helping someone understand how to do something. So, in looking for another job, I have been trying to put myself in that mind frame in terms of finding a job. I didn’t want to take necessarily the first job that came about. Though I knew the constraints on that. Meaning, I was running out of money. When the money runs out, changes in my lifestyle have to be made. Therefore decisions must be made.

I do not have an official job yet, but there is one in the wings, and the money is still running out…….

New Year MEME

2006-12-28T00:06:00.000-05:00

Hey all!

I stole this MEME from Ms. 1969 since I couldn't come up with a topic to blog about! LOL

I hope everyone has been having a great holiday! I am actually feeling much more in the spirit :-) My little one made out like a rat. Clothes, games, games and MORE games. And the bad part is that we still have to go "spend" some money that my m.i.l. sent for us to buy him some stuff! LAWD!

In addition, my husband got me a Zune-pod (it's like an Ipod but manufactured by Microsoft). It's pretty cool! Heck, this is my FIRST MP3 player, so I am ALLLLL geeked! Yes, I must be thee.last.person.on.planet.earth and over age 8, to JUST be getting an Ipod like device. I have the one that is like the 30GB Ipod that has the video and all that. I LOOOOOOOOOVE technology, so the husband did GREAT with this gift! Ya'll know I been online downloading for the past two days, right?? LOL SOOOO excited man! No complaints from me this week! LOL

But all in all, I am glad that my husband is off this week and tomorrow we will be taking the lil one to daycare so that we can just chill, go to the movies and have sum fun!

Well, in case I don't get a chance to say it..... HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?

Realize that there are some people whom you simply can’t even hold out any hope of them ever changing, so just let it and them go.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions?

I made none last year.

3. Did anyone you know give birth?

Yes, four friends of mine did: Sydney Elizabeth, Giselle Olivia, Chance Dana and (my godchild) Melvin Samuel

4. Did anyone you know die?

no

5. What countries did you visit?

None what so-ever (damn I need to get out more)

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

wooo-hoo! I have a list (ahem): A job I like, a boss I like, savings (I currently have none….yeah I know…. You don’t have to say it), and starting a 529 plan for my child.

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?

The day I got fired (or rather….the day my “position was eliminated”)…..for the first time with no notice

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Not cursing my boss out when I left my last job and walking out with dignity (no I am serious…. You all do not KNOW how many times over the past 4 ½ years I have planned my “exit tyrade” , so this IS a big achievement!)

9. What was your biggest failure?

Arguing with my husband and not being patient with my son at times

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, than God.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Nuttin much…..just a bunch’a little stuff.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Dunno…other than mine (reference #8 above)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Kramer & Bush

14. Where did most of your money go?

On a whole buncha bullshit…. I wasted a lot of money this year…….

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My son’s birthday party and my birthday

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2006?

I’m bringing sexy back….YEAH!

17. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Saving and traveling (we didn’t even make our usual summer jaunt to Chicago this year!)

18. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Complaining, arguing and spending

19. Did you fall in love in 2006?

Nope

20. How many one night stands in this last year?

None

21. What was your favorite TV program?

Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and the now cancelled (dem BASTARDS at ABC) Daybreak

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nope

23. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More money…say……a couple million and being able to be a stay at home mom and have my own business.

24. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

That I have to save and that saving is very important. I have never been a saver. It is hard for me to do, but necessary. Though my household is holding up, if we had have had that “3-6 months” of savings that financial folks tell you to have, we would be a lot less stressed. I will never be in this predicament again.

25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

It’s like that and that’s the way it is.

The Vortex Effect

2006-12-19T12:20:00.000-05:00

Sucked in.

I am getting sucked in. I am getting used to being home and not working,and after all, isn't this what most people WISH they could do? I don't miss getting up at the crack of dawn, rushing to work, dealing with bullshit at work all day, getting off LATE and by the time you get home you have to scramble to cook, do whatever cleaning there is and spend time with the baby. I do not miss that world. Maybe I feel like this because I have NEVER and I do mean NEVER had a job that just DID IT for me. I have never just lovvvvvvvvvved going to work for WORK SAKE. I did like going to work because of some of the PEOPLE from time to time, but I have never found my niche in terms of "what do you want to do that you will REALLY enjoy?" But am I an anomaly? I think not, I think that MOST people do not want to do what they are doing but have to make a living. I undersatand that. But I have to fake it like I just "live and BREATHE HR"....after all, who wants an albeit truthful employee, that would say "ya know the truth is , I am really just here because this is an o.k. job and the money is good and I have to eat". No one would hire me if I told that truth. And I know that the way I am living cannot last, so I have finally started to "enjoy it while I can". I am revelling in the fact that I am getting a breather, shall we say, from that rat race. I am finally beginning to enjoy this lifestyle but .....

I am getting sucked in.

For the moment I am living in an unreal world. The world of in between .....I am still getting paid and I will have unemployment, so I am getting comfortable. Being home ain't that bad (right now). I am getting more appreciative of the space I have and am o.k. (for right now).

This series of events has allowed mte to get the monkey off my back {my evil ass boss} were apparently supposed to happen as they did to take me to the next level,and even my husband says that I am happier since I do not have to deal with her and the rigamoro day in and day out. Truth be told.....I could leave corporate america and NEVER look back and be none the worse. But.....that brings up the fact that my husband while making a good salary does NOT make enough to support our lifestyle. And truth is..... I do NOT want my lifestyle to change.

So, that means I have a dilemna. How to support my lifestyle without going back to the daily grind.

So.....I have already begun to make a change and pursue my professional photography business. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a photographer....since I was a girl. I have stepped out and have begun to "just do it". Problem is, I am still very unsure of myself and though people say that I do god work, I know that I have SOOOOOOOOO much more to learn. I am going to try to enroll in spring classes for photography. But what I really need is a mentor. Someone to SHOW me (I do far better with someone showing me what to do and learning by example.....). I do not know if I will find a mentor though because people simply do not like to "train their competition". ya know? I have someone who's work I am totally in awe of (and he's a black guy)...he took this pic of me & my husband which was one of our engagement pics, but he's soooooo busy. He kinda said he would, but he also kinda (i felt) brushed me off and said that I needed to learn "a few more technical aspects so that when he referred to things he wouldn't have to stop and explain the minutiae", which I kinda took as a dis because that is EXACTLY why I WENT to him,.....because I NEED someomne to EXPLAIN the MINUTIAE!!!!! So.... I was kinda irritated behind that and consequently haven't found one that'll stick yet....

But I do know this...... I am getting sucked in..... I do NOT miss the fake conversations, the inflexibility of most corporate jobs, the 8-5 schedule and the even MORE fake personnel at these jobs. The older I get the thinner my skin gets for these enviromnents and the more transparent I become. Meaning, I used to be able to put up that "suzie cream cheese" smile and fakerie with the best of them, but now, not as much. My nerves are more raw and my patience is way thinner. I am respectful.....as long as you respect me..... and after coming from the last job where that bitch OBVIOUSLY thought I was her muthafuckin kid or something......it makes it WAAAAAAY more unlikely that I will deal with one IOTA of that shit again. I know my bloodpressure was worse for dealing with her. She no longer has her foot on my neck and for that I am grateful!

But back to the lecture at hand.... I am getting sucked in.

I like leisurely getting my son to school (it's nice to just enjoy each other in the morning instead of being agitated and rushing because you are trying to get that last 15 minutes of sleep and are on a "scehedule"), being able to clean the house and have dinner ready BY 6 instead of STARTING at 6 (if I was lucky). But housewife I am not,...I need more to keep me going. Which is why if I do not find a job, I am not going to be that pressed in the interim (until my unemployment runs out), because maybe this really IS my time to make a change, maybe getting sucked in isn't so bad and maybe getting sucked into the vortex will take me to a whole other world....a world that I have only dreampt of.

Much ado about nothin

2006-12-16T21:25:00.000-05:00

Well, there's not a whole lot to tell, but let's see what I have...

O.K.... I have been soooooooooo lazy with this whole Christmas thing (read: I stilllll haven't completed the Christmas tree decorating...hell, we JUST put it up LAST NIGHT!LOL) I told my husband that by the time we get it together it will be time to take this monstrosity --- 7 1/2 ft. tree--- down.

We went to a local mall today (Twelve Oaks Mall in Novi) in hopes of having the little one's picture taken with Santa. O.K. why was the Santa SKINNY as hell and the chair he was sitting in made HIM look like an Elf??? Top that off with the fact that there were 6,001 people in line and I was HOTTER-N-HELL in the sweater that I had on, and you have a "hell naw we didn't take narry a picture!". and I thought that the set-up was ugly In comparison to the set-up at another local mall (Somerset). The thing about Somerset is that it is the 'ritzy' mall and though it is my ABSOLUTE favorite mall, to take picture with Santa it costs $30 freaking dollars!!! And you only get 6 pictures (4 x 6's I believe). Maaaan.... Can I just take a picture my DAMN self and get them developed????? I am SHO'LL gon ask!!! Because this is REDICULOUS!!! I can take JUST as nice a picture as them folkscan! HHMPH!!

Well, we'll see. My husband also gave me another option because the building where he works (the one where I used to work before I was recently FIRED...has a FREE Santa picture station and you get one free Polaroid pic but you CAN also take your camera (I know this for sure!) and take your OWN pciture!! And their set-up is always nice. All I know is that I MUST do eomething because though my child has been through TWO Christmases,he has NEVER sat on Santa's lap..... I know, I know..... the first year I just didn't and then last year we were in Atlanta and there was so much to do before hand and the weekends kept coming and going and time got away from me..... so I VOWED that by hook or crook , he WILL have a picture with Santa this year! HEE HEE!

I also have pretty much finished my shopping for him as well. I just have to pick up a few things from to give to him in my m.i.l's name. She sent us some money to get him some presents from her, so I will go shopping this week.

Let's see...in other news, me & my siblings have FINALLY found a buyer for my grandmother's 4-family!! I am sooooooooo relieved. Though I have to split it 3-ways with my siblings and because this place is in the TRUE hood and the property is in GREAT need of repair in every unit, the money we get ain't gon be alot, but it is better than NOTHING....ya know???? :-)

Also, in better news, it looks like we will get a BETTER interest rate on our house (that we are refinancing) than we thought! And it will be a fixed rate! It willbe higher than our rate now, but not as bad as the 8% that we thought we'd have to have!!! And it looks like I have managed to barely SQUEEEEEEZE by since I no longer have a job without the finance co. knowing!Hallelujah!!! Cause if this had happened after I was no longer getting paid and was REALLY terminated off the company's system...... Well..... we might have gotten a much WORSE rate because my income wouldn't have been factored in! Thank GOD for small miracles....I'll take any that I can GET right now! LOL

All these good things almost made me not feel like crap when I got my first "thanks but we decided to pursue someone who had more qualifications than you......thanks for your interest" letter..... (did I tell you that I don't take rejection very well?.......*sigh*....no really.....I am serious)

Almost......

Happy holidays ya'll.....

2006-12-09T16:13:00.000-05:00

I Love New York: It's not what ya think!

O.K. ya'll..... I don't know how many of you watched "Flavor of Love" and saw that stank-ass- CRAZYYYYYY-ASS contestant New York, but apparently SOME-DUMBASS-BODY has seen fit to give this truly mentally challenged braad a T.V. SHOW.....her OWN version of Flavor of Love

WTF?????????????? I mean, are there men out there that REALLY like the "crazypussy"???(ya'll know how men seem to LOVVVVVVVVE the crazy bitches and their crazy pussy!!!....) Apparently. But from the looks of it, some of THEIR asses are mentally challenged as well.

Has everybody in t.v. programming gone BANANA'S??????

(on the low I WILL be watching it ....hee hee....I can't help it...... the bullshit is just tooooooooooo good not to!)

LOL

Enjoy peoples!

bah fucking humbug

2006-12-07T09:16:00.000-05:00

I am wondering.....Lord, why are you putting me through this. If you all have been reading, you all know that I am unemployed and NOT by choice. I can't see the reasoning behind this and it just makes me all the angrier that I have been laid off, submitting resumes for like 2 MONTHS and have not had ONE face-to-face interviews! I am really getting pissed about this shit! I know that I can talk, I KNOW that I speak VERY articulately and I am HOPING and praying that this no-interview thing is due to the impending Christmas holiday. I know that blaming the company that I worked for won't help and as Hustleman said to me previously "you can't focus on where you are going until you let GO of the past". But I am finding it hard not to feel resentful and pissed off about being umemployed and the fact that my severance is QUICKLY running out and that NONE of this was of my choosing. I am finding it hard as FUCK to be "thankful" even though I know I SHOULD be. I have a home, a husband and great child. After all, I WILL NOT be out of a place to live, food,etc. but I NEED to work. It is part of my independence and of who I am. And I am , as the days go on, finding it increasingly hard to be "positive" and "hopeful".

This is the holiday season and I am NOT feeling "ho ho ho-ish" at fucking all. I actually feel like the Grinch! My husband and I have a budget to buy presents for our little one and I don't even want to go shopping. I mean, I do, but I don't. I usually spend a nice amount of money during the holidays and this year I simply can't. It's depressing. Call the way I feel petty or whatever, but it's how I feel. I usually get myself a "gift from me to me" , but this year that can't happen. And I am pissed about it. So one day, I told my husband "I have been really good about not spending...have you noticed that I haven't even been doing shopping like before" (this is a BIIIIG deal for me because I am a shopper and used to go do SOME kind of shopping every weekend whether it be for my son or the household or for groceries or for me) and he goes "Well, I would EXPECT that you would, it needs to be even better than that...it needs to be not at ALL". Thanks. THAT made me feel better! I was like "well, we HAVE to buy SOME stuff!" Money is and has always been an issue with us and now, me NOT having a job makes things MORE tense. Just what I needed.

And I simply can't BELEIVE that I haven't even had ONE face-to-face interview!!! I mean, if I had no experience, no managerial experience,etc. I could understand, but I have been in my field for TEN YEARS! I mean, come ON! I am pissed and angry and hurt.

I am even thinking of trying to go into Pharmaceutical Sales (I have NEEEEEEEEEEEEVER been a "sales" type of person either, because I HATE trying to "sell" people). But I am getting desperate.....now I know that often times because the Pharm biz is competitive, you have to "know someone". Well, I talked to someone last night, who may be able to get me through the door. I will try anything. I need a job.

Like I said, I have and still am "praying on it" and I know that God does stuff in his own time and that there "is a plan" and all the other cliche, cliches. I am simply not feeling ANY of this right now and I know that a job won't come to me just sitting here, so I look, and look and look......and look some more. After all, I know that God also needs me to take one step towards helping myself and maybe he will take two.

Small blessings

2006-12-04T11:24:00.000-05:00

Coinciding with the loss of my job, was the IMMINENT need to refinance our house. No, let me make it plain: We had a 2-yr ARM (adjustable rate mortgage) on the bigger of our two house loans (we have an 80/20 loan) and that shit was/is going to "adjust" from a rate of 6.35% to a REDICULOUS 9.35%!!!!

So, I had been BUGGING my husband to "come on and let's LOOK into refinancing" waaaaay back in October (i.e. BEFORE my job was eliminated) because we received the letter saying that as of Nov.5, the rate WOULD adjust and be effective with the Dec. 1 payment. His response? "we have time... the payment that it adjusts on (the one due Dec 1 )isn't REALLY due til Dec. 15” (because you have until the 15th to pay it without penalties).

So, what happened? I let him handle it and we waited and waited and then I got FIRED and I start to panic. Reason? I wasn't sure if they would need to verify my employment for our impending refinance. But, a-ha....because I am getting paid until the END of the year, the company COULD NOT terminate me in their system, because they can't pay me if I am terminated. But I wasn't sure how, when the mortgage company calls the automated employee verification system, would my info be told to them. So, I tried to get the answer to that without being obviously deceptive. After all, there was NO WAY we need to have to come up with an ADDITIONAL $400+ dollars a month (which is what that increase in percentage represents in dollars!). So I called the co.that does the verifications and tried to pussy-foot around it, but couldn’t get the info., so I just gave up.

But I figured that they would only say that I was currently employed. After all, I had given the mortgage co. my most recent check stubs and they ARE current, so it does LOOK LIKE I am employed. :-) LOOK LIKE are the key words here! So, I calmed myself down and vowed not to worry.

Things are going along, we had the appraisal this past weekend and hopefully we will be able to close on this new loan **a fixed rate loan** in a week or so! And even though it still isn’t the BEST rate (it will be 8.00%) and this rate will have us paying about $200 MORE a month, in the meantime, it’s not $400 more and I am thankful that we were able to get this done just under the wire (i.e. just BEFORE I REALLY do not have a way to prove that I have a job and income coming in!). At least the rate is fixed and we can only get a BETTER rate from here……no worries of it going UP MORE than it already did!

Small blessings…. I am thankful today for this small blessing.

The inner me.

2006-11-28T15:16:00.000-05:00

So, I have been sitting at home, fighting getting depressed over my lack of work. And getting AWFULLY fuckin TIRED of LOOKING for another job. I hate this shit. I have had 3 phone interviews (2 for the same company) and now I am just waiting……waiting……. The shit’s depressing. I really don’t like to constantly talk about it to my husband because at a certain point I can feel his thoughts of “well, I am here for you, but there is nothing else I can say”, yet I want him to say SOMETHING. But what can he say? The same thing over and over? “It’s gonna be O.K.”? Yeah, I guess. But that becomes trite at a point.

Truth is, there is NOTHING save another job that will make me feel like anything I did 4 weeks ago. And the kicker is that I have NOT been just “chilling” in it’s entirety. I have been doing shit, going places, applying for jobs……and some chilling  I take my son to daycare (which because I am still getting paid, I am blessed enough to still be able to take him to) in the morning now. My husband used to take him and I would pick him up. The good thing is that I can now spend some time (that I USED to not have) in the morning with him. When I am working I am usually in the bed until THEE last possible moment upon which I HAVE to get OUT of the bed, so mornings were RRRRRRRRRRUSHED and like a race to the finish line , to say the least. Every morning, if there was one thing that would put the routine even 5 minutes behind, it was a problem. (neither me or my husband particularly LIKE getting up and out in the mornings). So now…… I have time to take my time with my little one. He used to be at daycare between 7:15 and 7:40 and now we take our time, we watch a little Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer together and get there between 8:45 and 9:15. Nice. I had been wanting to be able to have this kinda leisurely routine with my child for the longest. In a perfect world, I would be able to take him to daycare and arrive at work when I wanted to (around 10:00 am) and then leave at around 4:30 to get him. Doesn’t that sound perfect???? Well, I gues that’s what I have kinda-sorta until my severance runs out at the end of December (if I have not found a job ). So, I am thankful that I get to spend these mornings snuggled in the bed with him and spend more time with him, just him and mommy.

But the thought of “when the hell am I going to find a job” still looms over my every thought. I know and BELIEVE that I will get another job, but the “when” is an issue. Unemployment doesn’t even cover HALF of what I used to make in a month. But it’s better than nothing , so again, I am blessed.

A friend of mine said “ girl you better ENJOY this time off….you’ll be back to work and WISHING for this time!”. And I know she is right. But I cannot enjoy this because you see, I am a worrier by NATURE. It is as ingrained into my soul as the dirt to the earth. It is what it is. I wish I wasn’t, but until I HAVE a job in hand, I cannot REST or relax. So, even though I may do some enjoyable things and have free time to myself (more than I ever have since the birth of my little one), I cannot fully enjoy it cause I am so damn worried about finding a job! I try to….. I try to .

Fear of a new job

I also hate the whole “new job” thing too. I hate being the new person, trying to figure out who’s cool and who’s the asshole, what is acceptable and what rules can and can’t be broken. I HAAAAAAATE going to new jobs! So, I have that angst too. I guess you all are saying “worry about that ONCE you GET a job”., but I told you all…. I am a worrier, so I am worrying NOW thank you very much. I tend to be the “let’s look at the worst case scenario” type of person, because I have seen too much bullshit and to much “wrong” stuff in these jobs not to. So, I usually go IN with a “umm-hmm……what’s YOUR deal” type of skepticism. Being the new person is never fun and I haven’t had to do it in a long time. I am not looking forward to being that person. **sigh** I guess that very scenario is what kept me in that last job.

So these are the things that I sit and think about when I am at home….thinking, thinking, thinking…….

My husband said that he heard form someone that when people experience a loss they go through stages with the acronym S.A.R.A.H, which stands for Sadness, Anger, Rage, Acceptance and Hope. You know what? I oscillate the MOST between the Anger and Rage about the whole thing. I am STILL very angry that this was done to ME. I mean, I have some acceptance (becuase I have to....after all I can't go to the building and cling to the door begging to be let in) and some (a little bit) of hope. But it's frustrating anc scary because when you come down to it, NO ONE can "get" me a new job, but me.....it's all up to me and being PLACED into this situation , without choice is what throws me RIGHT.BACK into the anger/rage place. Now, I don't mean anger in terms of throwing shit at the walls, but just an internal, occsaional seething. And now is the time when I have to be the most "bubbly" and "personable" (because you need to "impress" people with how nice you are, or at least fake it WELL )when I feel the LEAST like being bothered with people or being all "suzie cream cheesy happy" !!!

So, as I go on and keep looking for a job, I try to be less of the AR and more of the AH in that acronym. But it's hard some days.

Oh Mr. Richards.........

2006-11-22T11:57:00.000-05:00

I really hate to have to post about this bullshit, but I will anyway. I CAN believe that in this, the day of the "insidious racist" that Kramer said what he said. If you haven't seen it, see it here

So, this fool goes on Letterman to say that he basically has NOOOOO idea about why he said what he said and that the "rage and anger" just "fired out of me". Yeah, O.K. jackass.......

See the Letterman clip right here

But for me....the kicker is that MOST people feel that took a poll feel that his apology is enough. Let's talk about this. In reality, I suppose that the apology HAS.TO.BE enough. Follow me now..... what else should he do? He already sounded like a FUCKIN BUFFOON babbling on and on and digressing and rambling (since he didn't know WHAT THE FUCK to say.....dosn't he have a publicist that coulda scripted something BETTER than THAT???). He shoulda just apologized and been done instead of rambling and making himself sound WORSE and LESS credible than he already WAS, because the TRUTH is what people really seek and ya'll ain't NEVER gon hear that!!! LOL That and an answer as to WHY he said it. But does it really change anything to know WHY? No. Cause you'll NEVER hear him say "Well, the truth is that I really don't like blacks and I really DO consider them to be niggers. DO you think THAT truth will ever come "firing out" of him???

But anyway.... what? He should do community service? He should do jail time? Should he should apologize to children in schools? Should he should go to prisons and apologize? He should be forced to go to labor camp? No. If that's the case I should do community service or jail time for my belief that most white folks get over on black folks on an EVERYDAY basis. **shrug**.

No, none of that matters. Because his BELIEF is what matters. WHY is there some "hate", why is there some "rage" that was even there to come out????? And then he throws the all-encompassing apologetic "I am not a racist.....I don't even know WHERE it came from". That's like me birthing a litter of puppies and saying..... I din't fuck no dogs..... whereDID they come from???????

Again........Whatever jackass. So, I suppose in reality an apology HAS to be enough because you and I BOTH knowe that we will NOT change the BASIS of those comments. So, just apologize Kramer and donm't be surprised if yo ass get's NO love from a whole bunch a people.

If you wanna cast your vote, click here

Babies and Buddies

2006-11-20T12:10:00.000-05:00

Babies and Buddies

Hey folks, what’s good? Well, since we last talked, I STILL haven’t found a job (not surprising with Michigan’s HIGH ASS unemployment rate!) I HAVE applied to a zillion and one places but have only had two phone interviews from Home Depot who was supposed to be calling me back for a “real” face to face interview and they have YET to do so. But I also know that many times it takes HR dept’s up to a month later to call folks back…..remember, I WORKED in HR, so I know….I just HATE being on THIS side of the fence!

So, I plug on and have been trying to find a job and this is what I dreaded MOST….the CONSTANT pressure and irritation of TRYING to find a job! It’s exhausting. Finding a job IS a job! Since I have been off, I have caught up on a few blogs though that’s a good thing !

My family is home with me this week (took the baby out of daycare because we’d have to pay for 5 days and they’d only have to work for 3 due to Thanksgiving, so we decided to keep him home this week. And my husband took Mon-Wed off too). So, I have a little company this week! I have a phone interview for a Regional HR Manager position with a company in the city that I live in which is GREAT and hopefully more potential jobs will come through.

But get this ya’ll: You know that since I was terminated and didn’t quit, I AM eligible for unemployment right? Well, why was one of my friends telling me “you know that if you are OFFERED a job that if you do NOT take it that the State of Michigan WILL cut your unemployment off, right?”

Hold up? S’cuse me?

I said, “nooooooooooo…..so…..if I get offered a BULLSHIT ass job, I am OBLIGATED to take it???? How would they KNOW if I don’t? How do they find out? How in the fuck is that shit reported?”

I had a plethora of questions because not ONCE in my TEN YEARS in HR have I EVER even SEEN a reporting format to REPORT to the State when I only OFFERED someone a job! How would they even KNOW that I had had an interview with the damn company????? I asked several other people and they seemed to confirm what my first friend had said, but they didn’t have answers to my “how the fuck would they know?” questions either. I am disturbed. So, I go to the handy-dandy Unemployment Booklet that was sent to me when I applied for unemployment and it said:

In short.......“You will be disqualified….if you refuse a REASONABLE offer of employment…..reasonable is determined to be any position that pays 70% or more of what you previously made.”

WHAT IN THE FUCK?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am NOT taking a job that pays THIRTY PERCENT LESS than what I MADE just to say that I have taken a job and gotten off of their system!!!!!!!!! That’s what they are there for!!! BITCHES!!!!!!!!! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL! That is purely and simply fucked up!

I still will take my chances. I am not about to accept some dumb ass job that pays that much LESS, and I don’t even LIKE the job. No.

So, anyway….. my girl that I used to work with had a baby over the weekend. There has been much to say about her that I simply haven’t because the story is so long. But the long and short of it is that since she was fired on November 18, 2005, she has gone DOWN into the gutter and her family (who were already a bunch a gutter rats) have been oh-so-happy to goad her down that road. She was always the best achiever in the family and supported many of them in different ways and her pre-adolescent child on a meager 30-some thousand dollar salary. She had TWO houses (one she rented out) , a new car, always was “appearance-wise” , together and now…….well, let’s just say that when I talked to her sister because LITERALLY over the past year, I have spoken to her when she NEEDED SOMETHING and that may have been all of less than 10 times, her sister told me that the nigga that she has been fucking with who she SWEEEEEEARS she is gonna leave, had her strung out on “51” cigarettes (assumingly WHILE she was pregnant, per the sister). What is a “51”? It is weed laced with CRACK. Did ya’ll hear me?

CRACK!!!!

Even though she was from that environment, she always proclaimed to loathe it. I mean, she’s beautiful (no for real….every time we went ANYPLACE, men were ALL OVER HER…..very pretty girl) And now she has fallen so far. I personally think that she had a breakdown. A real mental breakdown. When I finally talked to her after she moved to Atlanta , stayed in shelters, in her van with her 13 year old kid, her 16 year old nephew, this nigga and her big ass Rottweiler dog, and came BACK (all while pregnant mind you), she told me that she wanted to be through with him and after the baby was born that she was done. Yeah o.k. chick, tell it to someone who might believe you. So I asked her did she have any idea what the baby was. Her response? “ I haven’t really had any prenatal care”. WHAT???? WHY???? (at the time I knew nothing of the “51’s”) . So she hadn’t even BEEN to the OB/GYN during her WHOLLLLLLLE pregnancy. Now I see why. She didn’t want them to find CRACK in her system!

Anyway……. I had some items that I said (to myself) that if the State's Child Protective Services didn’t TAKE the baby away from her, I would give her. She called me on Thursday and told me that she was in the hospital and that she was about to have the baby. I told her that I was going to come see her. She told me that the baby was a boy (they’d done an ultrasound). She had the baby on Friday, 7lbs 12 oz. and she is going to aptly name him Chance. Cause this IS her chance to get OUT OF this pattern, this IS her chance to get this together. I have no idea if she will. I hope so. I gave her lots of stuff that I was saving in case I (hopefully) have another child. But she needs it more than I do. Well, they didn’t take the baby so the baby MUST have been O.K. and she MUST have stopped doing drugs (if that was the case….remember, this was per her sister…).

I really fear for that little baby. He’s being born into terrible circumstances. But I do believe that she was doing drugs previously…...even though the baby seems fine.....she has fallen too far and has hit rock bottom. She didn’t even have a car seat to take the baby home (which they will NOT let you leave without), so she had to call her brother (also a non-working procreator) to get his baby’s mama’s infant car seat (he has a 1 year old). Sad……..She recently got Welfare assistance, so she has some way to get food,etc for her self. But the nigga who as far as I am concerned is THEE problem, was/is still present. I am so sad that she had a baby by HIS ass of all people! He is older than me (he’s like 37) and has the mentality and work ethic of a 10 year old and I am not being facetious. I.E….he doesn’t work, he sits around up under her all day watching cartoons (literally ya'll) and he is just an ignorant ass. What kept her? Hear her tell it “The dick is the biggest and BEST that I’ve ever had ….”…..whatever….the dick ain’t worth your life. All I can do is pray.

So, the culmination of all of this is that I went to see the baby and the baby looks great! I was so surprised and so happy. Cute as little newborns go ( you know…they all look like Chinese babies for the most part). But he looks to be healthy and was a great weight! I held him for awhile and said a silent prayer for him

On Sunday, I went to Breakfast with Zed at Detroit’s Breakfast House . If you ever come to Detroit or live here, you NEED to experience this place! Great ambiance, and even BETTER food with excellent service! It’s nice to see a good eatery in the Metro Detroit area. Cause they’re limited IN the city. Now the suburbs……. Plenty of good eateries, but Detroit proper, not so much. Usually the service is HORRIBLE and the staff is ghetto. Sorry….but most of the places inside the city limits simply are….(there are exceptions of course).

So, Me & Zed talked reminisced and had a great time. Me & Zed used to go out alllllllllll the time, pre-husband. But it seems like when I got married all my male friends took the “out of respect of your husband” thing TOOO FAR! And I have MOSTLY male friends! I mean, them nigro’s simply STOPPED calling me! So, it was GREAT to just dine amongst a real friend who know’s you and who you’ve been wanting to reconnect with. We both had the fried chicken and waffles with the side of cheese grits. Good times ya'll....good times......DAMMIT I’m hungry right now!

Then last night my girl Lanee and her hubby, who moved to Richmond, VA last year, were in town for one of Lanee’s close soror’s Engagement Party. So they stopped over and visited with me and Dylan last night. It was soooo good to see her and I really realize how I miss my friends (Zed and Lanee) who moved away. I will probably not see her until next year sometime, so I am glad that I had the chance to see her while she was in town!

All in all, not a bad weekend at all……….

finality/bringing sexy back

2006-11-08T16:36:00.000-05:00

Well, in my last post I said that there were a lot of things going on and there have been. In short, I was laid off, fired, let go…..all it boils down to is I no longer have a job or source of income. Why? Well, the company that I worked for has been cutting it’s own asshole to save money since July when the contract with GM was renewed. And my job (no one else's mind you) was eliminated.

Prior to the contract being renewed I was told by my stankin ass boss “I would advise you to get your resume together over the shutdown because NONE of us could be employed if we don’t get the contract….I know that I am getting MY resume together”. Now those of you reading this who have been reading for awhile may be like “COOL! You haaaaaaaaaated that place and that woman ANYWAY! Now you can move on to something better”. While that may be true, I did NOT want to be FORCED to move and have NO WARNING that I was going to be without INCOME. You see, that was all that job was to me ANYWAY: Income. It wasn’t a “career” because the bitch I reported to held you back and DIDN’T want to teach you anything. It wasn’t a source of pride, she saw to that, but what is WAS , was a way for my family to live comfortably in the style in which I AM accustomed because it did pay well and have GREAT perks. Now, I am scrambling and uneasy about where’s my next money coming from. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, but the last time I was given the courtesy of being told 2 ½ months in advance, that my job was going to be eliminated. That bitch could have done the same, because I talked to one of my girls that works in another division and she said that when it all came out, that this was “planned for a MINUTE”. Hmmph…. Why should I be surprised. That is what that company does best….FUCK people in the ass. I was there for 5 years and got a paltry 7 weeks severance. Now, some of you will say “stop fucking complaining, you coulda got NATHAN, NADA….”. And to you all, I say true, but I have seen muuuch better……

Anyway………

And unfortunately, me & my husband do not have the “3-6 months of income” that financial advisers tell you to have in “case” something like this happens {and PLEASE don’t; give me a lecture on THAT…don’t need it} So…. I am REALLY pressed to get a job because I do NOT want my lifestyle to change from what it is now. What do I mean by that? My husband DOES make enough to support us, and with a few changes (him claiming more exemptions, cutting down on what he puts into his 401(k), not spending unnecessarily, and taking our child out of daycare) we would survive. So, it’s NOT like I will be homeless. But that is also NOT how I live: not able to spend ANYTHING, asking for an “allowance” , or being a stay at home mom (nothing against ANYONE who does it because I think that it is faaaaaaaar harder to stay at HOME ALL.DAY.EVERY.DAY.AND.WEEKENDS.AND.BE.WITH.CHILDREN.24/7. 365 than me going to work everyday and I know my limitations. I love my child, but I would be a WORSE mother if I was forced to stay home everyday with him….. sorry….I just would). So I am pressed. I know that I WILL find another job, but when is the question. In case ya’ll DIDN’T know, Michigan has the 2nd HIGHEST unemployment rate in the country and since proposal 2 passed and they are CUTTING more jobs (no pun intended) everyday!! So, who KNOWWWWWS “when” I will get another job! I am still very upset by this and by the fact that that bitch I worked for for allthese years didn’t have the commom decency to let me know, send a smoke signal, SOMETHING to let me know (when I KNOW she knew) that this shit was coming!!

I also want to make the right decision in terms of a job because I have now had two unpleasant job situations/bosses (this one and the one IMMEDIATELY before) and those who don’t know me might say “maybe YOU were the problem if you had TWO bosses who gave you problems”. Well, boys and girls, those that know me KNOW that that was simply NOT the case. I have worked for two bastards in a row, spanning a total of 7 miserable years of my approximately 10 total years IN HR !!! So, I am verrrry hesitant to jump into a job that doesn’t feel right. I intend to “interview them” more than I have previously. The good thing is that me & my brother & sister are about to sell my grandmother’s ( who passed) house and the proceeds will give me some cushion along with unemployment.

I am just now starting to get myself back up and feeling even 1/2way alright since it happened last Thursday. Since then I have been pretty depressed and not feeling good at all. I still have my moments.

I do however know that the silver lining in this whole thing is the fact that I DO.NO.HAVE to be bothered with that BITCH .EVER.AGAIN. But back to the actual termination. Check how they did me: My boss had me meet her at one of the companies satellite offices to tell me. What? Did she think that I was going to be an angry black bitch and take her fucking HEAD off in the office?????? **laughing**Yes, she shoulda, cuz she knew that she and I did NOT have the friendliest relationship when it came to ill shit that she has done to me and THIS would fall in that category, no? We both were fake and I guess she should have been worried. She knew that I didn’t like her. From the beginning I should have peeped her fakeness for what it was, but it wasn’t until she showed her true colors after I was hired that I began to see. And she and I have gotten “INTO.IT” on more than one occasion. Working for her these past 5 years has been HELL, emotionally. I have walked out of her office on several occasions, we have gotten into straight yelling matches (the most recent one a couple of months ago, in which she says, among other shit, “Robyn I have had it up to here (motioning with her hand above her head)” and I said “Well you know WHAT ____ I have had it up to here (said with a stank ass look on my face) TOO !”. And I have had to literally walk away more times than I can count to clear my head” because if I didn’t, I feared I would seriously end up in jail for what I wanted to do to that woman.

But what’s really fucked up to me is that I wasn’t let go for performance, attendance, insubordination, yet I didn’t even get a chance to clean out my OWN DESK!!!! Fucked up huh? Well, it would have been MORE fucked up if I hadn’t been up on her shitty assed plan the two days before. How did I know? The week before she had told me to “plan to meet her” at our satellite office and I was like yeah, yeah..o.k…. not really paying attention to her because she babbles so much, just making my mental note and moving on. Well… a couple days before she mentioned it again, which then made me ask “by the way , WHAT are we going there for???”. She replies “ I can’t say”.
DING! DING! DING! RING THE ALARM

What the fuck?? I immediately got MORE paranoid than I already was. That didn’t sound right but me being a natural “worrier” I tried to calm my mind and TRIED not to make too much out of it, but still started thinking “what if I am being fired….”.

So, fast forward to Halloween Day. Well, I went to use my Corporate American Express card and it was declined, so I call them up and they inform me “a request was made from your company to cancel this card”. I just bust out crying right then and there in the parking lot of my son’s school because it hit me that these dirty muthafucka’s were going to terminate me. I couldn’t even get it together. My husband was on his way home anyway and he had to come and meet me there and go in and get my son because I was so fucked up. So, the next day (which was the day before I was let go), I cleaned out every file, copied shit to disk that I wanted, took shit that was mine, forwarded myself e-mails that I wanted to keep, and generally made sure I had what “I needed” from my desk. So, fuck her stankin ass, because the only thing left to pack were pictures, mugs, and miscellaneous food. But that was really fucked up. We’ve worked together for FIVE years. You know that I have a husband and a child, it’s RIGHT before the holidays and OBVIOUSLY this shit was WWAAAAAAAAY planned in advance and you couldn’t have given me a “hint” that this shit was COMING?????? Ask her and she will give you the bullshit goody-goody answer I am sure of “ well, Robyn I was sworn to secrecy by MY superiors…..blah-fucking-blah”. Whatever. If you really GAVE a shit about me (like you allllllllllways FAKE LIKE YOU DO) allllllllllllllllllll these years…. You coulda HINTED something like “you know….. our HR jobs are NOT secure, so make sure you are prepared for anything…..” or something of the like. If I gave a shit about a person, I would do that for someone. You know, tell them without TELLING THEM !

I am also scared about trying to get a new job. Since I have not been “on an interview” in 5 years, I am terrified. I hate interviews because I get soooo nervous when I am put on the spot, feel like I am sounding stupid and lose all train of thought usually. And to be honest, it’s been longer than that since I went on a real interview. When I interviewed for this job I was ready and I focused on doing the BEST I could in that interview and it was a cake walk. My soon to be boss talked MORE THAN I DID in the fucking interview! I was sooo relieved! But I know that that is not how MOST interviews are……. But I will survive. I have to.

So on the day I got fired, I had a hair appt. and decided to bring my “sexy back”…… see below…..

I had been talking about cutting my hair for at LEAST a year, and always got scared. This was just the impetus that I needed to get me to do it and you know what. Like this job, I do not miss the hair ONE.BIT. Everything happens for reason right? Wish me luck on this new journey into the next part of my life.

So whaddaya think of the new look? Cute, no? (ya’ll betta say YES…ya’ll know I am fragile right now….LOL)

Halloween

2006-11-05T18:19:00.000-05:00

Hey all,

I know that I am late as hell in posting these pics from Halloween, but I have had alot going on later (more on this in a couple days or so...)..But anyway... halloween was good for the little one, we went to the party that a local church has and that my college buddy (and neighbor) goes to.

He had soooo much fun and this lil boy LOOOOVES being around other kids, so he was in HEAVEN. I also liked the fact that the church does not give out oo-gobs and oo-gobs of candy. They give out a bag to each child which is JUST enough for them to get a DAMN GOOD Sugar high!!! LOL

Here's the pics!

He also went to a halloween party that this little girl's mom that he used to go to his old daycare with had. Here are a few pics from that party.......

Halloween??

2006-10-31T11:59:00.000-05:00

O.K so does every one have their costumes ready, their candy baskets loaded and ready for the little ghouls and goblins to come by and ring their doorbells?

No...?

Why not?

Oh….. O.K…. I see……you don’t do Halloween….. mmm-kay

I guess I just do not agree with those who do not celebrate Halloween because of the reasoning that it used to be a pagan celebration of death or any of the many explanations for how it began.

I am not disagreeing that those things way back in history happened, I am just like “is it that serious now” and is that even what people are REALLY celebrating NOW? I am not celebrating the DEBBIL by dressing my child up in a costume and letting him go to a party and have fun with other children. I am not celebrating the DEBBIL by allowing him to go door to door to get some candy. It simply is another event in the lives of Americans who, for the most part, do not take it THAT seriously.

I just do not see why it’s necessary to have to segregate your children from having this fun and why it is even taken that seriously when if you DO participate in any of the MAIN activities that are taking place (most of which have NOTHING to do with the DEBBIL) you are just basically having a costume party.

I have read alot of information on what Halloween , Hallow’en, All Saints Eve or whatever other name you want to call it , first meant. I just do not choose it to have THAT meaning for my family plain and simple. We do not have evil ceremonies taking place or any other malevolence, so I do not worry about what it meant eons of years ago……..

Halloween is what you make it in my humble opinion, and again…..it’s just my opinion. But I will have my child up in his $50 dolla’ costume and having a ball.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN YA’LL

In search of.......

2006-10-30T11:35:00.000-05:00

Just another Monday ya’ll

Well, if you all have been following the S.I.L. chronicles, I haven’t heard anything from that heffa since I e-mailed her my last e-mail (which I don’t think I posted), in which I IGNORED her dumb-ass reference to the fact that we could “save more” by just coming to Atlanta and could still afford to give her a little money…….”. Whatever bitch….. I am done. Nothing to see folks move it along……

O.K......So.....I have been a bad mommy. By that I mean, I hemmed and hawwed and WAITED Until the LAST FREAKIN moment to get my son’s Halloween outfit! Soooooooooooooooo…… I knew I had to go out this weekend. So, because my husband bowls every other weekend and I didn’t want to WAIT until he was done bowling to get up and get out after I got my nails done, I kept “the boy” with me and at about 11:30 we got up and began our journey. I needed him to be there so that I could make SURE that the outfit fit him because ya’ll KNOW how FUNKY those places are ; “no returns” is their motto.

But why ya’ll, whyyyyyyyyy didn’t I just go on and wait until AFTER he had had his daily NAP???????????? Can you say that I had a long and FRUSTRATING afternoon????? Let’s start with the fact that he was CROTCHETY all to hell and wanted EVERYTHING his hands touched or his eyes came in contact with and every NO response from me, caused him to start CRYING AND HOLLERIN’. Now, I am NOT one of those parents that will scurry out of the locale that I am in JUST because I have a kid crying! NO! You need to LEARN that you will NOT get your way and that you WILL get knocked the FUCK OUT (a la Chris Tucker) if you do notSHUT. IT. UP. ! There is NOTHING that I can’t stand MORE than a screaming/ crying/hollerin child. And he is usually not like THAT. If he does cry I can get him to "shut it up" MUUUUCH easier than on this here day!! So we had to have the “do you want me to POP you?”conversation a MULTITUDE of times on that there day! I also knew he had not had his nap , so I wasn’t trying to kill his lil booty because I knew there was a direct cause and effect.

Well, lucky for him that he was just crying (albeit LOUDLY) and the fact that he was not throwing a straight UP tantrum, saved him from getting his ass TORE out the frame.

So, we go out and it had to be THEE RAINIEST, WINDIEST freakin day that I have been out in in a WHILE! Of course, I am trying to use an umbrella while holding my son (which is USUALLY not a problem), and that bitch flipped over TWICE and rain is FUCKING UP MY HAIR so I was TRIPLE mad (you all KNOW black women don’t play with their DAYUM hair at least if you have a permed/curled style!) and rain is hitting me AND him in the face so hard I could barely SEE, and I can’t get the FUCKIN umbrella to turn BACK the right way. He’s crying, I am getting ridiculously pissed off……

This was NOT a good time. AT. ALL.

We then go to not one but THREE different places to try to find THIS EXACT ELMO outfit. Not this one and not this one. I don’t like the last two AT.DAMN.ALL!!! They look like something I could make at my house!! So…..I wanted him to have the first one! Well, after fucking with the dayum WIND AND RAIN and his CRYING DAYUM NEAR INCESSANTLY about EVERY.THING, I was ready to say “ you know what….. I know it’s my fault, but you just won’t be GOING to a Halloween party cause I can’t FIND the dayum outfit!”

And my theory is, if I can’t find what I LIKE, I just won’t get SHIT. So, then I felt bad and went to ONE more place where I found it. Now….thanks to my procrastination, the outfit that my husband had seen for $29.99, I had seen online for $39.99, cost MY ASS 49.99!!!!!! Do YOU HEAR ME???????? I just had to get it though and BEFORE YA’LL START DOGGIN ME………. I will do JUST WHAT I have seen others do next year…..SELL IT ON EBAY !!!! Please believe it! So though I CRINGED at the price, he looks soooooo cute in it. We had been invited to this little girl’s party who he used to go to his old daycare with and it was ON SATURDAY, so I am so glad he was able to go, cause I sho’ll wasn’t talking him in his “STREET CLOTHES”. Me, my husband and and my son went to the party and had a ball!!! The little girls’s mom had decorated her basement, had hotdogs, chips, coney dogs with the condiments and Halloween decorated cupcakes and ice cream. She also made each guest VERY NICE AND FULL Halloween bags and had games for them to play like Pin the Tail on the Cat, the Dart game that's played with the Velcro balls instead of darts, “who can eat the donut off the string the fastest” , and a blindfold game where you have 30 seconds to dig in to a bowl of rice and pull out as much as you can. It was a lot of fun. There were only 5 kids there, but it was really quaint and fun. That lil boy got over like a FAT-RAT too because he had more JUNK food that night than he probably had ALL WEEK!! LOL I took pictures, and will post them with the pictures from the party that we will be going to tomorrow.

So, though Saturday was not the LEAST bit enjoyable being out with a SEVERELY irritable, crotchety two year old in the DAMN 50mph wind and rain (yes, the wind was REALLY that high), all’s well that ends well and my lil one even won first prize for his costume at the Halloween Party, so it was all worth it!

Be e-z ya’ll…….

S.I.L. 3, 4 , 5 & 6 rolled into one long ass post!

2006-10-27T08:55:00.000-05:00

Hey ya’ll,

This has been lonnnnnnng in coming and consequently this is verry, verrrrrry, verrrrrrrrry long. A few of ya’ll { Diva, Zed & TS ) have read this, so ya’ll can just feel free to comment as there is no new stuff from what ya’ll have read already other than my comments sprinkled throughout.
I’m telling ya’ll , it’s long…..take a nap in between reading if you need to…..
This takes off where S.I.L. 2 left off.......

And yes, I know I have been MUUUUCH nicer than many people would have been...... read on........

***NOTE TO READERS****: MY COMMENTS ARE IN RED

***********************************************************
From: Robyn@hellhole.com
To: ann@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Party
Date: Thu, 19 Oct 2006 09:04:59 -0400

Well, Ann-

I totally understand that you feel like this was an unfair “takeover” of your party since people knew that you wanted to have a party for his 40th. One thing I can say is that because it was his 40th, he was probably EXPECTING something anyway (at least a LITTLE something), so he might not have been THAT surprised. I mean, heck, I would DEFINITELY be EXPECTING **my hubby** to do something for my 40th, so there COULD be no surprise for me. I will be sitting on pins and needles and like a kid at Christmas WAITING on my “something”. So, I am not saying you had a bad idea, I am just saying that another way to look at it is, that he might have been expecting something. I’m trying to be nice……….

With that said, NOW we have the opportunity to do something SMALLER that really WILL be a surprise because he won’t be expecting anything more than Vegas at this point (if we go to Vegas). Don’t give up that easily…. I know you really want something personal and special from you and we can STILL have something personal and small (like surprising him with PEOPLE rather than an actual party----that won’t cost you anything-----). Or YOU can have a surprise-romantic night on the town with him in Vegas and **their son** can stay with us…..

And I can TOTALLY see that (my b.i.l.) probably never “desired” to go to L.V., but if he genuinely seems to like the idea, if you don’t want to talk to Jane about it and change the plans, he will probably still have a memorable 40th. Otherwise, talk to Jane and get it straightened out. Otherwise you are going to be PISSED OFF TO THE HIGHEST from NOW on until, and DURING THE TRIP……. And that simply isn’t good for your fun-factor or your blood pressure. If you are really that opposed to it, I say that you talk it over some more with Jane. Really…….I think that she would listen to alternatives………..but don’t just be pissed and say “f’ it…..” because you are mad. You need to be able to enjoy yourself in this whole scenario too.

Your point is well taken that you are pissed off because this was not discussed with you….. I give you all the validation in the world for feeling like that. Because after all, this is your husband. But this is sooooooooo early in the planning stages that stuff CAN be changed and Vegas just worked for everybody because it’s an idea that people like. But Ann, it’s JUST an idea……. And though (my b.i.l.) knows about it, we can come up with ANOTHER idea that DOES NOT involve him knowing so that you are not so extremely unhappy and angry about the celebration. I would HATE for you to be so upset in Vegas and just not having a good time.

I hope I can just help you to look on a BRIGHTER side of things and I think Vegas is a wonderful idea, but there are PLENTY of wonderful ideas. This is a whole year away that is plenty of time to figure something out. Just give it some thought…..ruminate on it…….and once you are a bit less upset ……. My biggest thing is

TALK. TO. JANE.

(to at least let her know that YOU are not feeling that for your husband and that he’s just kinda “going with the flow” about the idea, but not all gung ho like everybody else and it IS his birthday…….did I get the feeling he has correct? Because if that’s the way he feels, SHE needs to know about it, because SHE thinks he’s rarin’ and ready to go!)

Just thoughts to hopefully add some perspective.

robyn

________________________________________

From: Ann [mailto:Ann@hotmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, October 19, 2006 5:21 PM
To: Robyn (00900)
Subject: RE: Party

Yes, this was an unfair takeover. I already had the private room set for that date with our own private buffet and cash bar. I already know that (my b.i.l.) would have been expecting something, but he wouldn't have expected his childhood friend from cancun who he has not seen in 11 years or another friend he hasn't seen from another part of the U.S. He also would not have expected the slideshow of pictures of him and his family. Or the scrapbook. and all the other personal touches I had planned.
Which by the way he said he would have enjoyed a D & B party very much (you can let **my hubby** know). It was not going to be the least bit "informal" or impersonal. Yes I know it is a year away, but with what I had in mind I knew I needed the time to plan and save (was this bitch even going to do ANY saving…..yeah O.K…..I doubt it since she was ACTIVELY seeking “sponsors”…..). Just so everybody is clear.
Like I said, I have nothing against going to Las Vegas or any other suggestions but nobody has bothered to call the wife and clue her in or ask her opinion, while she is over here planning a party that everybody already agreed upon. With that said, The party is canceled and I've canceled the private room.
So if everybody else wants to go to Las Vegas or wherever than that is fine. As long as my husband is okay with it. I'm sure it'll be fun. As far as I'm concerned, Jane can plan for his birthday in Vegas and I will be fine with it.
________________________________________

From: Robyn@hellhole.com
To: Ann@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Party
Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2006 09:52:44 -0400

Yes, I understand…

I just don’t want YOU to be unhappy, and I just have the feeling that you will be IN Vegas and be PISSED about this whole thing STILL and it’s a year away. And just for clarification, when I said it was a year away, I just meant that to say that we have time to plan something if you want to, not in a “why the heck are you doing this so early” way.
And in all fairness, you hadn’t talked to Jane yet (she was the one who came up with the LV idea) and she was the one who really got the ball rolling. I am not saying that to “point fingers” , just as a statement of fact. Now of the other people who knew (me, **my hubby** , anyone else you’d discussed this with), planned the LV thing……. Know what I mean? Jane came up with the idea because she thought he might like it. She (admittedly) should have called you and discussed it with you very soon after the plan was brought up in all fairness.

And it’s not that LV works BETTER for us, it works just AS well, because we were having to probably (unless we can both get the time off) spend @$900.00 anyway to fly, and even if we drove, gas costs (there and back) @$400. This wasn’t something that works BETTER for us specifically. I just think that you and Jane need to talk and it seems that you two have not talked together to decide/figure out if you all want to make the plan LV (because it doesn’t matter to me…. We will be wherever the celebration is regardless).

You two need to talk. Because you are very angry and I can see 1 of two things happening: 1. you stay angry and your blood pressure stays high and you’ll STILL be angry at the celebration or 2. you talk to HER about what happened, tell her you are a bit frustrated because you DID have something planned and the fact that she told **my b.i.l.** and didn’t even talk with you wasn’t fair to you because you were planning something.

I think you should do #2…….but that’s just my opinion.

Again, you have my support and I just don’t want you to be all pissed off when this can be solved sooner rather than letting this fester and no one is talking to each other.

________________________________________

{NOW….. CHECCCCCCCCCCCCCK OUT THIS STANKING BITCH'S RESPONSE TO ME!}
From: Ann [mailto:ann@hotmail.com]
Sent: Friday, October 20, 2006 4:41 PM
To: Robyn (00900)
Subject: RE: Party

Let's get one thing straight (and I am saying this nicely) I don't have blood pressure issues, so don't work about that. My blood pressure is equipped to handle my hot temper.
Next, I had talked to Jane about planning a party. I just hadn't given her all the details about the dave an d busters thing. We talked about doing it at her pool then a couple weeks ago I decided that he would enjoy having it at D & B and just hadn't told her yet. Therefore I am the one who got the ball rolling on a birthday celebration. She just got it rolling on Vegas. There's the correct statement of fact! First I told her we would try for this year and later I told her that next year would be better. Julius told me that she said she didn't understand that I meant next year.
But don't worry I wont be pissed off and unhappy in Vegas. Again, Like I said, I'm sure it will be fun and I never had a problem with Vegas, but Hell ,she even discussed it with you ( or **my hubby**) or however you found out. I'm not sure. And she still has yet to call me. HIS WIFE!!!
How would you feel if you were planning something for your man which you told her and you found out she was thinking of something else and told every one else before you? You would be pissed to. So when she calls , we will talk about it. By the way. what is she saying since it seems you two are communicating?
{I was soooooooooo angry when I got this that I started to call her and cuss her out. I actually got so mad I got a headache and had to walk away. I don’t know WHO THE FUCK she thinks she is talking to! Her DAMN CHILD?????????? I LITERALLY had to take a step back but after I sent what you are about to read below, I am done. The kid gloves are OFF and I was READY to cuss her out. FUCK HER! Why should I be nice to THIS BITCH when she’s OBVIOUSLY lost a fucking screw and thinks she can talk to other GROWN people anyway she wants to!! You see….., I was tryyyying to be nice in the interest of “I have to see this hoe at family functions, so I will take the high road and not CUSS HER THE FUCK OUT” but after THIS e-mail….. I have RESOLVED myself to the fact that me and her funky ass MIGHT JUST have an adversarial relationship and at THIS point, I am FINE with it! Sooooo….. read below for the conclusion…..” }
________________________________________

From: Robyn@hellhole.com
To: Ann@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Party
Date: Sat, 21 Oct 2006 20:24:24 -0400

I actually only talked to her that one time when she suggested LV....we haven't talked since then. I agree WHOLE.HEARTEDLY that I would not be happy at ALL if I was circumvented in the process ESPECIALLY if I was the one who started the process. So, I agree. Also, I was only referencing blood pressure in terms of the sheer fact that ANYONE's blood pressure becomes elevated when they are angry and therefore I am SURE if you had taken a reading of YOURS when you are angry, I am SURE it's more elevated than usual. That's all.

I simply feel that you and Jane need to talk (some more than you did initially) and if SHE isn't going to call you, that AS his WIFE, you need to be the one to go ahead and suck it up and call her so this can get out in the open so that EVERYBODY is on the same page. But again, that is your decision, so from this point I will gracefully bow out of it....... because I do not want to be caught in the middle of something that I was only trying to help fix as best i can.

So, if you are really O.K. with it, I guess there's nothing else to say but "Let's go and have fun in Vegas! "
{First of all, I sent this to this bitch on Saturday the 20th and she didn’t respond to me until Wednesday the 25th…..yeah…… and notice how she done checked and CALCULATED MY financial involvement, HA! She is fucking CRAZY!!!}
________________________________________

From: Ann [mailto:Ann@hotmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, October 25, 2006 12:26 PM
To: Robyn (00900)
Subject: RE: Party

{ Now her ass is all calm and cordial…….whatever how, you have awoken the DEMON in me….. she will NEVER get the “nicey-nice” Robyn-a-fucking-gain!!!And I mean that. }
Hey Girl,
I just want to say thank you for trying to help and for you advice. I really do appreciate it. **b.i.l.** and I talked about this Las Vegas thing the other night and we have decided not to go for these reasons.
1)He doesn’t really want to. He says Las Vegas is just not his thing if we are going to go out of town he's rather go some place where he would really enjoy himself with things he likes to do. It is his birthday. He's not a drinker a gambler or a club goer. The only thing he would enjoy is going to Andre Agassi's tennis academy { My b.i.l. is BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG into Tennis and plays CONSTANTLY}and maybe seeing a show (his words) which for the 3 of us to see would cost the same as a plane ticket. ( I checked) We can't afford that right now.
2) It's to expensive for us right now. I priced plane tickets for us and for you. You may be able to get them cheaper, I don't know but, from what I priced, it's cheaper for you to fly to Atlanta according to cheaptickets .com. { WHY IS THIS HOE CHECKING MY SHIT?????} Then once we get to Las Vegas we still have to pay for a hotel( $$$). Then we have to pay for at least 3 meals a day for 3 people. Then we have to pay more money if we catch a show ($$$ 1 plane ticket price for 2-3 people, according to my sister who has been there many times.) You know we are going to want to do some slot machines and go shopping some. ($$$) **b.i.l.** says that we just don't have the money right now spend on all that especially since it's not something he really wants to do anyway. He said we would have been better off sticking with the D&B plan. He would have enjoyed that much better anyway. Just scaled down so it wouldn't cost so much.
You said going to LV works better financially for you. I personally think you would have been better off financially coming to Atlanta because A-the plane ticket is cheaper. B- You don't have to pay for a hotel C- you don't have to buy 3 meals a day for 3 people unless you just want to go out to eat. I would have provided food for you. D- **my b.i.l.** would actually get to see more friends and family because they all wouldn't have to figure out how to pay for all that stuff listed above in LV. Now, I understand and have no hurt feelings that you can't spare a couple hundred dollars to help me give **b.i.l.** a 40th bash. But in my opinion you would end up spending a lot more on JUST the hotel, unless you all have connections we don't know about( not counting food and shopping and a show and whatever else you know we can & will came up with to spend money on) then you would have if you spared a little to help me with the party. {Can ya’ll BELIEVE she slipped THAT shit in there????? I didn’t even acknowledge it in my return email below….. whatever how…..you are laughable at this point and I am not the one} But that's just my opinion. I apologize for putting you in an awkward position and soliciting your help. I don't want to cause money drama here so let's forget I asked and I am currently coming up with something else.
So if you all want to still go to Las Vegas, By all means go and I hope you have a wonderful time. Maybe we can plan a girls trip there one day {Is she SERIOUS???? PUH-LEASE!!!! You could NOT PAY ME to go anywhere with her dumb azz!!!LMAO}because LV is someplace I have always wanted to go to but I knew it just was not someplace **my b.i.l.** wants to go. (He told me so). So I don't think it's the right birthday for him. Now for mine or your birthday, that's a no brainer!( when is your birthday by the way?)
So I am currenty working on plan B for **my b.i.l.**'s birthday and when I have everything finalized, I will let everyone know. So If you didn't hear about it from me, than it's not part of the plan.

Ann

P.S. I will be calling Jane in a few minutes.

EPILOGUE:
She had my b.i.l. call his momma and (to be nice) told her that well….we can’t go because we doin’t have any money, blah, blah, blah…… So when my husband talked to his mom she goes “O.K….that’s cool, I understand….. but if I sell this house then we can still go and nobody will have to pay”. LOL She COMPLETELY didn’t get the memo that there are TWO factors to not going #1, they don’t have the $$, and #2 THEY DON”T WANT TO GO!!!! I was LMBAO when my husband told me that because apparently Jane is DEAD SET on going to Vegas! And hell nor high water are apparently going to stop her! LOL So, I am suuuuuuuuuuure there will be an epi-epi-logue to this because if she sells that house, she gon be like “o.k., so now what….. pack ya bags”. And they (my bi.l. and s.i.l.) did themselves a HUGE disservice by not telling her that they do NOT really want to go!

Enjoy ya’ll’s weekend….. ya’ll should be sleepy since I have given you a nice LONG read before beddy-by.

Lata……..

S.I.L. #2

2006-10-18T15:39:00.000-05:00

UPPPPPPDATE

Now, what you are about to read is my BEST, SWEETEST, BOWING DOWN TO-KEEP-THA-FUCKIN-PEACE LETTER EVER SENT BY ME. This is not normal..... I feel bad for the girl.

So she sends me a text this morning which says: "So have you heard the latest?"{Me thinking: Ohhhh, it's on and poppin NAH!!!!!} and below is my response to her text message.

I ain't even got no words for this so I'm just gon let it roll as is. You all make ya comments! I am LITERALLY LMBAO at this shit.

IF you missed S.I.L. #1, click HERE

Carry on!!

WOOOO HOO! LOL

Me
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: {Robyn}
To: {ann@hotmail.com}
Subject: Party
Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2006 11:22:00 -0400

Hey Ann!

I got your text this morning! And yes, I have heard the latest about going to L.V., and actually I think that it’s a GREAT idea! Jane ( my m.i.l.) said that Jay has never been, I know I’ve never been (my hubby has) and it something different! I am not a gambler, but I have heard from others that there are sooooooooo many things to do out there that you do NOT have to be a gambler to have a blast! I know that you really wanted to have a surprise b-day party and maybe we can have a “surprise” type of event out there! Like , maybe we don’t have to tell him that ALL the people are coming and have them showing up be a good surprise! (just a thought)

This personally would be good as well for us, because one thing that (my husband) brought up is that because we would be the ONLY ones who have to travel to GET to Atlanta, we would not be able to contribute anything towards a party. Our plane fare for me , him and Dylan ALONE is moving along the lines of $850-950 range. We simply don’t have money like that! LOL (that’s actually why we’re not traveling ANYWHERE this holiday season….. it’s just too expensive.) So, unfortunately, if the party stays in Atlanta, (my hubby) said that it would have to be good enough that we were able to come simply because of the money that is being expended and the money that would need to be spent once we get down there.

Flights to L.V. on the other hand tend to be VERY cheap and if me, you, Jay, my hubby and the kids got a suite, the “smokers” could have a suite and we could all have a great time.

Also, (my hubby) didn’t really think that Jay would really enjoy the D& B that much for his birthday. But this is YOUR husband, not his, so if you feel really strongly about it, you should plan your party accordingly if you know that he will like it better. I told him you said you thought he would, but he thought that he would like a nice dinner with family/friends, etc. better just because D & B is so informal and more for a younger person to celebrate a birthday.

But gimme your thoughts and hopefully we can all have a blast next year!

Robyn

**************

(that was the BEST I could do ya'll to be as NICE as I could.....)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Ann {mailto:ann@hotmail.com}
Sent: Wednesday, October 18, 2006 4:08 PM
To: Robyn(00900)
Subject: RE: Party

Jay would love D & B for his birthday because he loves going and has told me it would be a great place for a party. I think Las Vegas is a great idea to but the reason I am pissed off is because I'm the last to hear about this and I'm over here planning this big ass surprise party because Jay said that he never had one beofre and nobody has even bothered to ask me my opinion on the man that I have been married to for the last 11 years. Everyone knew that I wanted to plan a surprise so I think that I should have been notified before Jay therefore I could decied what aspect to keep a suprise. Because he is my husband. And I know for a fact that Las Vegas is not the most exciting place to take Jay because he told me last night that "It's not something he's ever really wanted to do, but it could be fun." I think my personal touch surprise party that I had planned for my husband would more suit him but what do I know. And since I would need help paying for this anyway, it appears that my paln is no longer an option so Las Vegas it is. I'm sure we will have fun. Don't get me wrong, I do think Las Vegas would be great. It's some place I have always wanted to go but I think it should have come through me since evrybody knew that I wanted to plan a special surprise for my husband.

Ann

--------------------------------------------------------

I wanna go off on her so bad, but this is SO. FUCKING . COMICAL because it's so fucking UNBELIEVEABLE, I can't even BREATHE!!!!!

WAAAAAAH HAAAAA!!!!!!!

S.I.L.

2006-10-17T14:49:00.000-05:00

Check this out ya’ll….. my brother-in-law just turned 39 this year. Well, his wife Ann,my sister-in-law, wanted to have a bigggggggg shindig THIS year because “she wanted to”, fuck what made sense seeing as though the landmark b-day was NEXT year and it would simply PROBABLY make sense to wait. She is pushy like that. I like her, but her pushiness CAN be overbearing. Not only is she pushy, she is like that ALL THE TIME.

I can’t stress enough that I DO like her (in her moments of being non-pushy) but she can be a REAL trip. So get this: She calls me last week, and when I say she calls me, she called me one evening (I didn’t even see that she called until the NEXT day when I picked up my cell to make a call) and by then she had called TWO MORE times. So, I am thinking “WTF does she want???? “ But I forget….. that is how she ALWAYS is!!!! If you do NOT call this bitch back she will call you 25- cazillion times, each time sounding increasingly irritated. Trust me, I know……

So I call this hoe back on my way HOME and I’m like “ Hey Ann, what’s up?” She proceeds to lay out this “plan” that she has for her husband’s SURPRISE birthday party that she wants to plan. For a minute ya’ll I was totally discombobulated because I was thinking “wait…. His birthday just passed A.COUPLE.OF.FUCKIN.WEEKS.AGO, so”……. and then it clicked and I went “Are you talking about NEXT YEAR for his 40th b-day???????!!!!!”

She goes “Yeah…. I was thinking that we could have a party at Dave N Busters and have his friends, and the family ...... Jane (my mother-in-law, aka his and my husband’s mom) said that I could have it at the clubouse in the complex but I don’t want to have to clean up and then if we run out of pop somebody has to run to the store or if we run outta ice.....so I think it would be easier if we just had it at D & B......”

SCREEEEEEEEECH.

First of all: this is a fucking “fun palace” type of place and is NOT the place that I think MOST people would want to spend their 40th birthday. Maybe I am too high post or bougie or WHATEVER, but I would be GAT DAYUMED if my spouse planned a Milestone Birthday at a D & B, if my guests would even SEE me, cause I’d be SO MAD that THAT is what he planned, that I would be ALL.WRONG.

Second: I asked her “ Is that the kinda place that you think that Jay would WANT to have a 40th party at???” I’m trying to understand are you doing this for YOUR OWN SELFISH reasons or because you want to have a party that your HUSBAND would like?????? Sounds like the damn former instead of the latter, to me !!!

So, she swears up and down about 20 more times that “yes, I really think he would like it….. I really do” , and then we get to the meat of the REAL reason she is calling me:

“well, I was wanting to have it for his friends and family but I was wondering if you and (my husband) would be able to help out with the cost…. I mean….anything you could do would be appreciated …..because I calculated that because they have a buffet and the cheaper buffet is $14.50 per person plus $1.95 per person for unlimited water, tea anc soda the total would be about $800…….waa waaa waaa waaa waa waaa”.

I blacked out after that. WHAT BITCH?????????? Are you crazy?????????????? $800.00 DOLLARS?????????????? This is YOUR FUCKING PARTY FOR YOUR FUCKING HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!! I am a GOTDAMN GUEST!!! YOU DO NOT ASSSSSK GUESTS to come outta THEIR money to ATTEND a party!!!! And did you STOP to think that unless we DRIVE down there (which is DAMN outta the question unless we have at LEAST a week to spend cause that's TOO LONG of a drive , WITH A 2 year old, 12 hours to be exact, to turn RIGHT back around on the road......me NOR my husband are fans of driving long idstances either) it will cost (because my son is over 2 years old (and looks every bit of it) between $750 -$900 in AIRFARE ALONNNNNNE just to GET there! Fuck what we WILL inevitably have to SPEND while we are DOWN THERE!!!!!!! You inconsiderate TACKY BITCH!!!! I was floored.

Readership: Do you all see a problem with this as big as Africa?????? How fucking TACKY can you BE!!!!! I said “uh…..well…. I Will have to talk it over with my husband…..uh…… O.K”. I didn’t even know what to say and DIDN’T want to say the WRONG thing and have shit all fucked up between me and her until the END OF TIME.

( Too Serious, I know, I know.... I can hear you now...."fuck that.... HER ass would just have to have been mad at me!" LOL But I didn't just want to go ballistic without digesting that foolishness first and talking with my husband)

So she goes “Oh o.k., good…..cause I was wanting to get started on the planning and I intend on asking Jane and Mary and Ken (aunt and uncle of my husband and his brother) and Kelly ( my b.i.l. and husband’s first cousin……..” . And I am sitting here thinking , you stankin selfish BITCH!!!! You are calling NOT because you are excited to plan this party , but you want to figure out (based on who you can get to fund YOUR SHIT…..can I EMPHASIZE the words “YOUR SHIT” so you can figure out how much money you DO NOT HAVE to save!!!) .

Also, my thing is this too: Bitch if you can’t SAVE $800 in 11MONTHS (his birthday was literally a month ago) then YOU need to be getting ANOTHER JOB!!!

So, I tell my husband and he agrees and was like “if my brother knew what she was doing (i.e. asking for donations for his party) he would be mad as HELL”. He agreed that it was inconsiderate to ask us of ALL THE people because EVERYBODY ELSE (literally) that would be coming LIVES IN ATLANTA ALREADY!!!!! We are the ONLY ones who have to travel!!! But that is just how she is….. she can be so nice and thoughtful, but she can be QUITE inconsiderate.

This all happened on Monday. So, I call Jane (my m.i.l.) and asked her has Ann called her about this and ran down the situation. She said NO. My m.i.l (who is NO JOKE and pulls NO punches) went through the ROOF when I told her the details ! She was pissed about it and cited the SAME problems with the shit that we had (i..e we already have to spend a fortune to GET THERE, the tackiness factor, etc.). So we get off the phone and the last thing I heard was <>i“Oh, when HER ASS calls ME, we gon straighten this shit OUT cause she ALWAYS does that crap to me….. (i.e. calling her asking her for money for HER SON, my m.i.l’s grandson, saying “lil jay needs this, lil jay needs that).”

Oh and please believe that though they do not live an extravagant life, they live in a very nice suburb and she only works 3-days a week as a medical tech/surgical assistant because she “wanted to stay home with “ her son while he was young. Well,guess what...... he’s now 6, in school FULL-TIME, so bitch if YOU WANT TO HAVE YO HUSBAND A PARTY, looks like you need to be going to work FIVE days a fucking week and not three! PUH-FUCKING-LEASE!! I would NEVER call people asking for MONEY for something for MY husband that I WANT to do!!!!

********** UPDATE*************

I just talked to my m.i.l. and she was like “ I couldn’t even sleep last night I was so pissed off…..but I have come up with an idea…..we should all go to Las Vegas for his birthday….. he’s never been, and when I told him he sounded excited…………"

SCREEEEEEECH!!!

You told him? Oh lawd……….. Ann is going to be PISSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDoff to the highest of pisstivity when she finds out that our mi.l. has RE-PLANNED what to do for his birthday , AND.TOLD.HIM. Also, if it goes down this way there WILL BE NO SURPRISE (like Ann had wanted).

OOOOH and WEE!!!!! She is going to hit the CEILING! But I think it’s a GREAT idea! If HE wants to do it and thinks it’s a good idea, then YOU (Ann) can plan a “SURPRISE” portion out there!!! But I understand..... NOW…..no friends (for the most part) , some family, and NO coworkers will be able to come (which was what Ann had wanted). And you she will have to fund her OWN SHIT! She AIN'T gon like that shit cause that's the VERY thing she was trying sooooooo hard to avoid!!!! Serves her right.....

And I dare Ann to say something to me about “why did you tell Jane????!” Because my thing will be, “well, I thought you woulda already told/panhandled her already, so I didn’t think I was telling her anything she didn’t ALREADY know!!”

Ooooooooooooooooh Ann is going to be pissed. **shrug** And MY AZZ ain’t answerin her phone calls either…… cause I don’t EVEN wanna hear it………

LOL

Will keep ya’ll posted! LOL

Grinding

2006-10-13T14:08:00.000-05:00

Hey ya’ll, how have ya been? I have been busier’n a 2-legged dawg trying to run to California! I am soooooo glad it’s Friday. Well, I have had a lot of time to think in between doing work (which ya know sometimes just marinating on stuff while you are working….you know, in between “work thoughts” , is all that gets ya through the day!). I was pondering on where I was 10 years ago.

Hmm…… I was po’ and broke with a degree that meant didly, wanting to move up in the work world, but having no idea where I was going. I was just beginning to enter the HR arena though I had no formal training. I was living in “da hood” of Detroit in a renovated apartment building that back in the hey day must’ve been a fancy hotel (it was a two bedroom place with only a living room , bathroom and kitchen.) because NEITHER bedroom had closets. My main bedroom was HUUUUUUUGE and the other room was pretty standard, but it was mine and I was gad to have a place that I was the first person to live in it since it was renovated. My parking was secured (there was a gate enclosure and you had to have a garage-door-opener-like remote to get in). But I wanted more……

I had (have) champagne taste on a beer budget. I like nice things just by virtue of being around a woman who like nice things (my mother). Though unlike my mother, I loved electronics, gadgets,etc. and often justified my purchases because I felt like “I am grown so I am going to buy it!!” (not good I know) I knew I was growing deeper and deeper in debt by the SECOND ,but I felt like “if I can just pay the MINIMUM payment….. I’m, cool….I’ll figure the rest out lata!”

Dumb, dumb, DUMB! And so continued my pattern Spend too much, be broke, and I mean LITERALLY BROKE having like $30 for food and gas money for 2 weeks (this WAS when gas was MUUCH cheaper and I could fill my tank for $10). But when I turned 30 I said “NO MORE!!!” and consolidated my debts and paid off the now GARGANTUAN $22,500 in Credit Card debt that I had amassed! I vowed that by the time I was 34, I would have that shit PAID off and that if I hadn’t found someone to whom I wanted to be betrothed, I would buy MYSELF a house! The month before I turned 34, I paid the last payment on the credit card debt. This was no small feat! I was also a new mother and made preparations to buy my first home! I had accomplished what I set out to accomplish!

I look at the strides that I have made in my career as well. Though, I do not feel as proud in this arena. I have been in a stagnant job for 5 years. My boss is a horrible teacher, though she has the knowledge, she wants to do allllllllllll the big stuff herself. Therefore, there is no place to grow. I have begged and pleaded for her to "show me" and I always HAVE gotten the "brush off"..... o.k.... cool.... SO I kwpt it moving. This job was the first job I have had paying me a REALLY decent wage and I grew VERRRY comfortable in this pay bracket and have become very "settled" in what I have. I know what I can get away with at this job, know the people and am so honed in on my boss's "attitude" swings that I can tell BEFORE she even says "good morning" how she is feeling and thusly what kinda day the HR dept. will have with her.

I have been coddled and pacified by the wonderful perks ( HUGE car allowance, $2k yearly medical reimbursement allowance for all bills not paid by insurance) and I have somewhat become complacent and lazy in my quest for more knowledge. You see, I have been in HR for TEN years……but I can honestly say that my skill level is like someone who has been in HR for 3 and have been a Manager for a year or two……because I have not GROWN hardly AT ALL since I have been here.My boss hordes information, so we long ago settled into the "I won't beg yo ass" and "you don't have to deny me opportunities" pattern. It was easy. I do my job, I go home. But I am tired of this "rut" of complacency that I have grown stuck in. I feel like one of those vines you see entertwined with a fence where the two have been together so long, you can barely trace where all the vines came from.

I now feel that I am ready to make the next leap and start growing again. Those of you who know my story know my boss is a HARD-ON BITCH who gives a DAMN about you OR your life outside of these 4 walls. She is pure evil in my opinion.

Moving along.......

But I am thankful to have a job. Michigan has the SECOND HIGHEST rate of unemployment in the COUNTRY. But that is no longer deterring me. I am getting back out there and since right before Thanksgiving/Christmas is a TERRIBLE time to look for a job, I will begin my search right after the holidays.

I have accomplished much in some arenas, but my career has been pushed to the side and I have stagnated my OWN damn self! And I have not accomplished what I think that I should have at my age. So, though I have accomplished some.... I still have a ways to go. My wheels, old and rusty as they may be are moving, starting to get greased up and starting move down that track again.

Back on the grind……..

Cider Mills

2006-10-02T09:51:00.000-05:00

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE - POST!!!!

Since I am busier'n'hell this week due to our Open Enrollment occurring this week, I am reposting this post that I did from a year ago around this time....... And this is why I WILL NOT go too my local Cider Mill UNTIL it gets a LITTLE colder..... read on ya'll !!!

My girlfriend and I went to a Cider Mill last weekend. Actually, I had been meaning to post this but just did not have the time and forgot about this. For those of you unfamiliar with Cider Mills, they are very popular in the Midwest around this time of the year. Cider Mills are where fresh apple cider is made. It is pressed and put into jugs to be sold. Cide Mills are only open from late Aug. through the beginning of December. So if you want some cider you have a limited window. The mill that I go to is not that far from my house and is a very popular one. Not only can you get cider there, but you can get fresh warm cinnamon donuts, hot dogs, apple pie, caramel apples and an assortment of other apple-based products. There is also a shallow creek that runs right by the mill, so you can go and sit by the rocks and drink your cider and eat your donuts, etc. with your family. All products are fresh and free of preservatives and are the BOMB! On a cool fall afternoon it’s so nice to go to the Cider Mill, with it’s gorgeous scenery and cozy, relaxed atmosphere.

SCCCRRRRREEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!

Except for:

THE BEES:

*cue the music from a scene in a Star Trek episode where they leave you on the edge of your seat with a cliffhanger---to be continued*

“dun dun dun....DUD-DUH”

THE BEES:

Let me start by saying that I have never been stung by a bee in MY LIFE, but am DEATHLY afraid of them! Anything that I can’t get away from quickly enough that can follow my ass AND hurt me, it to be feared in my eyes!

So, now take that nice vision I gave you above and add “THE BEES-----EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE”

As soon as me & my girl pulled up, I said “aaawwww FUCK! I forgot about them fucking stankin ass BEES!” There are ALLLLLLLLWAYS bees at the Cider Mill. I said “DAMN, don’t these assholes invest in Extermination services????? DAMN! You KNOW that there will be bees because of the sweet smell/taste of the apples!! Why won’t these jackasses get some roach spray or something! Jeeeesh!”

Fear immediately set in. It was probably some foreshadowing……

Sooooo…we get out of the car and immediately I see the bees, flying aroud the lot where we were, near the brook, near EVERY garbage can and DEFINITELY near the entrances to the Cider Mill. I said to myself *hmmm…there must be more of them around now than when I usually make my first trip in October, because it’s hot still and the smell travels/is more intense and draws them nearer in bigger numbers…..*

So, anywho there were two walking paths to take to go up to the cider mill itself. I quickly assessed which one had the LEAST amount of bees buzzing about and told my girl (who had not been to one before) “cool….let’s go this way…less bees”.

So, we get up to the little house-shaped apple-dwelling and go in….so we look around and get in line. As we are in line people are constantly in & out of this place, so there are a few bees INSIDE the screened door looking as if they are trying to get out. I keep it movin up the line tryin’ to get away from them since they are INSIDE (read: where the heck I AM) too!!

So, fast forward, we get our donuts and our cider and since it was still a warm summer day, they had this “cider slush” that they was a new product, and I waqnted to try it (remember it was about 85 degtees on this day)so we got a small one to share. I bought a ½ gallon of cider and she bought a quart.

So, off we go into the parking lot. So, dig if you will a picture: She gets a phone call as we leave and she’s carrying my ½ gallon of cider. She’s in front of me and I’m behind her. I have the cider slush in my left hand, my purse on my left arm ( which is one of those “open at the top with no zipper” small, bucket types of purses that CANNOT go on your shoulder because the strap is too short), and her quart of cider in my right hand. (all this detail is going somewhere….bear with me)

We’re going to the car and this BEE lands RIGHT ON THE TOP OF MY CUP OF SLUSH! OHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHIT! I start gently waving my hand with the slush in it, ( and my purse on my arm) around trying to get the bee to go away. It doesn’t work, I wave harder. My girl is on the phone in front of me just a walkin not paying ONE bit of attention to my ass trying to stay cool, but ‘bout to go into a FIT! The bee, persistent little fucker that is was, would NOT GO AWAY! I start flailing my arm (the one with the purse on it and the slush in hand) back and forth trying to get away, all the while bobbing and weaving like I was Laila Ali, trying to get AWAAAAAAY from this damn bee! Shit is threatening to fall out of my purse (remember the purse is open at the top) and I am going fucking CRAZEEEEEEEE !!!! It STIIIIIIIIILL would NOT go away. So, I start backing up, flailing my arms and sprinting backwards, forwards and sideways TRYING to get this damn bee away from me. Now, I knew the little jackass was probably getting irritated because I was swatting at him and shit and he would come back towards me, looking like he was trying to run INTO my face and shit and I was going FUCKIN crazy! My friend was STILL ON the GATDAMN PHONE and was STILL paying me NO attention until I yelled “SAMAAAAAAAANTHAA!!!!!! HEEEEELLLLP!! YAAAAAAHHHHH” as I’m running from the fucking bee! I mean this bee stuck with me for AT LEAST 250 feet! I could NOT get away. And even when my “friend” did turn around she only turned around ¼ of the way in a “what the shit?” kinda way and kept right-the-fuck-on talking and walking as I stood there, twisting my head from side to side (picture how a dog shakes water off of it’s body) so hard that my hair was slapping me in my face! . I KNOW I was looking like a heroin-laced crack head with Turret’s !!! I was going absolutely APE –SHIT! This godamn bee would NOT leave me alone!!! All this time my girl STILL on the phone.

As we approached the car apparently the bee relented…thank God! I did NOT drop my slush and to top it OFF, when I got to the car, I was the one who had to get my keys out and open the door!! I wanted to kill my girl!!!! At that point I wasn’t convinced that the bee had not jumped on my back or something so I’m looking around like I’m a schizo that sees shit crawling on their body or something and trying to make sure his ass wasn’t around before I got in the car. Somehow I shook his ass AND salvaged the crushed, yet, drinkable cup of cider slush. Hallaleujah!

So….moral of the story…don’t go to Cider Mills when it’s hot….or without a pollinators-suit on…..

“Bee” e-z yall ………

Wo out Wednesday.....

2006-09-27T09:43:00.000-05:00

I meant to post on this last week. I am mad. Why you ask? Because this CHEAP ASS, STANK ASS, FUNKY ASS company I work for as of this past Monday took all of our parking spots away from us (which is covered parking) to save .005 millicents and NOW has us parking OUTSIDE NEAR THE WATER!!! Why is this a big deal? One, because we have to WALK a country MILE now to get to our parking lot AND we are right near the water. I mean, right near, as in if you walk 20 steps from the parking lot, you could jump in the fucking Detroit River. And it is alllllllllllways (even in the summer) windy as FUCK near the river. Why would this be a problem you ask? Well, numero UNO, when it gets cold and STAYS cold, our cars will be 1. snowed on, 2. locks frozen, 3.mist from the water will freeze into ice on your car…. I could go on.

So, dig this: These jackasses have been trying to pacify our “big three” client and reduce pricing so we could get the contract and effectively keep everyone employed for a minute, right? So we needed to bid on and get a new contract (since we are contracted to them) for the next 5 years, so everyone was on "monetary" pins & needles. Right. So, we got the funky ass contract.

woo hoo.

Have they mentioned giving us a raise (which we have not had in 3 years) or bonus’ (which we have not had in two years)???? Noooooooooooooooooooo. Why? Because our profits are now DIRECTLY up to us. Lemme ‘splain. This company used to bill the client for whatever they needed to bill them for and the client would just pay it, hence we made a profit based on this direct billing, but NOWWWWWWWWW we have a set amount of money (in total) the client is saying that they will pay over this 5 year period , so in essence the LESS we spend of this pot of money, the MORE this funky ass company can make. These cheap ass muthafucka’s have been cutting EVERYTHING and it’s ridiculous!

So, they decided to CUT our covered parking. I am LIVID. First of all, I work in a HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE building that just to get OUT of takes between 5-7 minutes (going down the elevator, walking through the building, etc.) and because the parking structure we USED to park in is 3 blocks away (which is significant when it is cold as shit outside…..how many of YA, ’LL would want to WALK in the bitter cold like that for 3 blocks in the winter?????). Well, we USED to get shuttled by shuttle bus literally door to door. I didn’t have to even take an umbrella because I could just run from one door to the bus and vice versa.

Now? I am gonna have to have an umbrella, gloves, hats (I hate hats because I allllways inevitable get ‘hat hair’ ) and I am NOT happy! So, you know I asked could we pay the difference between what the NEW lot costs and the old structure costs if we wanted to stay in the structure. Answer? Sure. The company will contribute $60 to the ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY($180) DOLLAR cost per month, leaving you to pay $120 a month!!! FUCK, THAT’S A FUCKING PAY DECREASE (especially seeing as though we haven’t gotten ANY RAISES since Jesus was a baby) and a BIG ONE at that!!!! I am PISSSSSSED! I do NOT appreciate (and neither do other employees) being pushed out into the elements AND having to walk a country ass mile because the bus that goes to the shuttle does NOT go to this lot! I am livid. And yes, I know that MOST people do NOT have covered parking at their jobs, but they ALSO do not have to walk a COUNTRY ASS MILE to get to the damn parking lot.

Why is this significant? For two reasons. I pick my son up 98% of the time. I am literally FLYING out the door at 5:00 to get him because from the time I leave my DESK it used to take (when we were in the structure) a SOLID 15 minutes, desk to car. No lie. I work a GOOD 30 minutes (in excellent, no hold up, no issue traffic) away from where my son’s day care, which is right near where I live. And let's not talk about accidents or rain, snow,etc. !! That just blows my timeframe COMPLETELY out the water. The daycare closes at 6:00pm and DOES NOT HAVE a “pay if you’re late” policy like most daycares. This is one of the reasons that I was skittish about putting him there because their by-laws say

“You are pemitted to be late no more than 3 times in a 2 month period. If you are late more than this, you will be asked to find alternative child care for your child”.

WTF?????? If you know anything about Detroit, you will know that people act like they lose their damn ability to drive in the oh, let’s see….. rain, snow, sleet, WHATEVER if it’s the first time in a while that any of those conditions appear. Therefore, I COULD be late more than 3 times in a MONTH, even BEFORE this parking change! But we went ahead and put him there because it is at a church and sooooo many people have had great things to say about the program and I REALLY like him being there (he’s been there since July) and I had ascertainied that I could 98% of the time get to him by 6:00pm. My husband (because of his work schedule) CANNOT pick him up except on the scheduled days, which are two a month when I get my hair done! It just isn’t possible, so I HAVE to be the one to get him. But of course all of this was BEFORE this change in my parking. Now, I am ALREADY flying by the seat of my ASS to get to him AS IS. And now in the winter (because I will have no covered parking ) when I get to my car I will have to shovel and scrape ice and AL LTHAT SHIT (i.e. taking more time for me to get the fuck going) which will take what?......MORE TIME…….. has me PISSED! And there is NOTHING I can do about it. So, right nows I am REALLY just bitching to the wind and venting. thanks for listening to me rant ya’ll There are no options except if I had one of those doctors that will write a note for anything…… yeah, you know “the hook up” doctors (of which I know NONE) write me a note saying I can’t walk that distance. So, no haps.

Annnnnnnd, my boss is bitch so she AIN’T gon let me leave early because she will NOT let you flex your schedule (this is the bitch who resents people with kids because she is jealous that they have them because she had 6 miscarriages and has not life except for her disabled stay-at-home husband and her cat and dog).

Sooooooo , basically I am FUCKED and everyday I walk in here, I RESENT everyone I see “riding” on the bus I used to be able to ride on. (it passes by where I have to walk). I know it’s not their faults, but I am still just mad.

So, I get to work looking like I have been in a windstorm bout the head (remember, it is REDICULOUSLY windy because we are on the water) and wo’ out because I have been walking FAST to get INTO the building as fast as possible. Oh, but I am not the only one. There are MANY who have been complaining!

So….. I know there is NO option other than paying the $120 a fuckin month or get another job, but thanks for listening to me vent ya’ll……

I hate this fucking company.

Disgusted, singing out